love – Page 13 – Site Title

This Thing Called Love (2)

Stage 1: Falling in Love

“In the first stage of love, your hormones run the show. You flirt, get butterflies in your stomach and heart, toss your hair back often and laugh a lot more. Falling in love makes you glow. Full playfulness and passion, stage one of love, often called the honeymoon stage tends to be everyone’s favorite because it is fun.“

This is how Stage 1 looks like. You can talk for hours on the phone and it never gets old. There is lots of laughing and giggling and you have your rose-tinted glasses on. If there is a blemish the size of a rock on your face, it is invisible at this stage or airbrushed by the blossoming of something special. Time flies by on wings and it is never ever enough. You want more and even though red flags may crop up like a neon sign, you SEE and don’t want to see. It is also the stage of stupidity where your brain and intuition take a backseat and your heart takes over.

Stage 2: Getting Serious

“Enter stage two. You still make a good couple. You hold hands in the park and cuddle up together to watch a movie, but something has changed. You’ve moved in together, maybe even got married. That fun time has run its course and your relationship has entered the serious zone.“

You may have moved in together or maybe not. It could be headed in a more serious direction where the “M” word is bandied about. That rose-tinted glow is there but now grey is starting to seep in. You question his/her motives. When once that laugh was alluring, it now makes you grit your teeth. You see things you don’t like. Things like he doesn’t keep to his word or you’ve caught him in a lie or two. Little things like leaving the toilet seat up and leaving clothes all over the floor gets your goat. The glow is still there so it’s time to push it all under the rug. You say, “It’ll right itself out. After all, you’re not looking for perfect.” The serious zone is staring you in the face and you don’t want to rock the boat. Let sleeping dogs lie you say but you know that it could come back to bite you later.

Stage 3: What Happened?

“What happened? Did you fall out of love? By this point, all illusions have been stripped away. You find yourself arguing more. Romance seems like work and you can’t be bothered to squeeze in the time. You just want it to end. And most people do just that, end their relationship.“

This is the “make it” or “break it” phase. It is also the time to let it all hang out phase. Remember that in Stage 1 all was perfect or at least it seemed so. Nothing was out of place, not a hair, not a fake eyelash, perfect haircut, smelling good and NO inappropriate behavior. Now, it’s let it rip time and HOW! If you’re married, who cares is the attitude. Everything is allowed and I mean everything. He’s seen you many times over so why bother? Unkempt hair, less than perfect hygiene, let it all grow out if you know what I mean. He, in turn, lets it rip. Holding it in is no longer required, anywhere anytime is ok. One other thing I find fascinating is that men love talking to you when they are sitting on the throne! Something soothing perhaps? That smile is no longer alluring, those little quirks more than annoying and spending a few minutes talking equates to an hour and a half in your mind. I call this the end of time phase. It’s probably all downhill from here and most choose to end the relationship.

According to one source, there are five clear stages. They are honeymoon, uncertainty, adjustment, commitment and acceptance. I’ve chosen to speak about three because not many make it past the adjustment phase. If you do, you’re one of the lucky ones. However, the fourth and fifth phase are hard to navigate. Most are either miserable wanting to get out or they’ve accepted their fate and are playing dead until their time is up!

I haven’t given up hope that I will make it to the last phase with a smile on my face and the right man by my side. I’m still working on finding him. Unfortunately, he seems to have lost his way and is nowhere to be found and TIME is running out! Fairy Godmother some help please! I could use your wand right about now!

Have an amazing day.

This and That

Sundays are for relaxing but in this household it means no sleeping in and it’s like any other day. Chachi, the cat, aka Little Einstein had other plans in mind and it doesn’t matter if human concedes to it or not!

Saturday had been busy because a friend came over and helped mow the grass and did the weeding as well. I promised a home-cooked lunch which consisted of Shepherd’s pie and a green salad as a “thank you” for all the hard work. I don’t cook much these days but I must say it was finger licking good! He liked it so much that I packaged up the leftovers and he took it home with him. Later, I got a message and it said, “It was damn good!” However, Chachi was not happy about the friend. Did I tell you he has a jealous streak woven into that fur coat? He does. The friend left after cake and coffee and a huge thunderstorm rolled in just in time to give the plants a well-needed deluge of water.

The little macho did not like it one little bit. First, the guy and now this! He hates thunderstorms with a passion. The Lion King he is not, more like a mouse for all his macho ways. The first clap of thunder and he took off running. I found him hiding behind the washing machine! Coaxing him out took some effort but he finally emerged looking scared and the “guy” was all forgotten for the time being. Do cats have a memory like an elephant? I suppose I will find out.

So, it’s Sunday morning and I decided to make it up to the little brat. I had a mommy and Chachi day planned. We got up bright and early and the little guy kept close to me. Everywhere I turned, there he was eyes trained on me and when he caught me looking he trilled like a bird and rolled on the ground legs up in the air waiting to be kissed and stroked. I really think the little fur ball had a different profession in his last life! Anyway, I spent the whole morning pampering the Little Prince and he was mighty happy.

After lunch, I decided to do yoga. I was going to do a longer version of about 70 minutes AND I was looking forward to some me time but fur ball had other plans. Mommy and Chachi time in his world meant stuck together like glue time! The minute I got my mat out, he came running. His look said, “WHAT YOU DOING?!!” I ignored him and got down on the floor and there he was butt in my face and refusing to move! Remember, it’s be nice to Chachi day so I moved him gently aside but Little Yogi wasn’t having any of it. He kept blocking my every move and if yoga was meant to be relaxing, this did not make it so!

I gave up after 1/2 an hour and he walked up, gave me a kiss and ran off chasing the fly that had somehow found its way in. I knew and he knew that the poor fly stood no chance against the seasoned fly catcher!

Now, he is sleeping. What happened to the fly? Lord, only knows!

Sundays are for relaxing but in this household it’s like any other day!

Have an amazing day.

Self-Love

According to one source, “Self-love means having a high regard for your own well-being and happiness. Self-love means taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well-being to please others.”

That said, when was the last time you talked to yourself with compassion? When was the last time you gave yourself some extra care and when was the last time you took care of your needs first. I don’t do those things often enough but it is necessary for your total well-being. Some days, I’m running around like a chicken with its head cut off taking care of others and on other days, I am my own worst critic. I am quick to blame and I stay there for a while to my own detriment. When I emerge from this destructive behavior, I am usually in a bad mood or everything seems just a tad gloomier.

We need to be nicer to the person we carry around. Compassion is needed and positive self-talk as well. Start by loving yourself first and it will create a ripple effect in the world around you. I think women are natural caregivers and in the process we forget to take care of ourselves. It’s time to stop and smell the roses even if it’s only for a little while. Enjoy the following quotes that bring “self-love” to the forefront and try to shine the spotlight on “YOU” for a change.

FRIENDLY REMINDER:

“It’s perfectly okay if the only exercise you get today is flipping the pages of a book or stirring your tea or smiling with friends. Well-being means your WHOLE body. Make sure your soul is getting as much exercise as your glutes.”

I sometimes forget to give my “soul” the same kind of attention I give to my body. Time to take note and do different.

“Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious. You get to choose how you use it. You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won’t accept.” Anna Taylor

Another important point here. Set those boundaries so you know in which direction you’re headed.

“Self-confidence is a super power. Once you start to believe in yourself, magic starts happening.” Unknown

“Be proud of who you are, and not ashamed of how someone else sees you.” Unknown

It’s true isn’t it? How someone sees you is not your problem. You are enough as you are and always remember that.

Here are a few more for good measure.

“Don’t let your mind bully your body.”

“Remember how you show up for yourself is how you teach others to show up for you.”

“Choose yourself more.”

“Life is too short to be mean to yourself.”

“Less self judgment and more self compassion.”

“Choose people who choose you.”

“Live your life like the story you want to be in.”

And finally:

LOVE YOURSELF

YOU ARE ENOUGH AS YOU ARE!

Have an amazing day.

This Thing Called Love (1)

Photo by Asad Photo Maldives on Pexels.com

By now, you know that most of my posts center around this thing called love. It’s because I have my fact-finding shoes on and I want to find out what it is all about.

It is elusive, that’s for sure. It morphs and never stays the same, that’s another aspect. It shows up when you least expect it and it doesn’t stay for long. It is loving and all-consuming but when things go south, it takes off on winged feet. This is my experience as far as love is concerned.

Poor you? Not really. It is daunting this task of finding “real love” but my curiosity is aroused and I’m not going to settle for anything less than the real kind. Curiosity killed the cat, you say? Well, Chachi, the cat, is doing pretty well in that respect and he’s wearing the Einstein hat now!

Someone said to me it is not about ego or attitude yesterday. I totally agree. However, it is not about accepting everyone who walks in the door and placing the “love tag” on them either. That’s a surefire way to disaster. One person called me complicated, well, more than one but who’s counting! Complicated in this case means I’m not willing to accept what is offered. It’s more like the caveman variety. “Here I am woman take me! I like you so no more wasting time and no more discussion. Let’s get down to business!” Nope, that won’t work. I am too emancipated for that BS! Call me complicated all you want but you’re out the door!

I live in a small village that time forgot. The marriages here last a very long time. Have they found the secret to a long and happy love life? Not really. It is based on convenience. Its more like, “I provide and you pander.” Get the picture? These marriages last for a very long time but they are miserable together. One prime example was my in-laws. They were married for decades and they boasted about the longevity of their relationship, however, fights were a part of their daily existence. When he died, she mourned his loss. I wondered if she was mourning the loss of the person or what she was accustomed to, that of nagging and bickering all day long. Perhaps, it was addicting but is that real love?

Someone else said, “If you find it, hold on to it.” I definitely plan to do that. In my journey so far, I’m finding that “love” comes disguised in all its wishy-washy forms but if you want the real kind, you’ve got to take your time, know what you will settle for and what you won’t and don’t be afraid to discard if it’s not what you’re looking for. It takes courage, it takes a single-minded focus and it takes walking the road less traveled. Shut out the noise around you. The one that says, “You can’t do this,” but more specifically the one that roars, “You’ll wind up alone!” I say, “better alone than with the wrong person.”

“Unless it’s mad, passionate or extraordinary love, it’s a waste of your time. There are too many mediocre things in life: Love shouldn’t be one of them.” Unknown

AND

“There is no such thing as love, you just happen to bump into someone who laughs at your jokes, likes the way you’re face is and accepts the way you look at the world. Love isn’t real, only two human beings coincidentally lonely at the same moment in time.”

What do you think? Some truth to that assumption?

Have an amazing day.

Love of Another Kind (Archives)

Update:

Nothing much has changed, if anything he has grown on me like a barnacle on a rock! The little bundle of fur is a part of my life and he’s there from the minute I wake up to the time I go to bed. Kisses and hugs are plenty and so are his complaints but he knows and I know that we wouldn’t want to change a thing!

Albert Schweizer said:

“There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats.”

He didn’t know at the time just how much truth there is in that one little phrase. My little furry friend walked into my life in the arms of my then boyfriend, in the form of a British short-haired variety and disguised as a birthday gift. Our eyes locked and he meowed his dissatisfaction at being forced to leave everything he knew behind, more specifically the safe haven of his mother’s embrace. He stretched his long neck towards me peering suspiciously at the human before him. I reached out and rubbed one hand over his tiny head and the purring that followed had me hooked from day one.

Out of the corner of my eyes, I see him watching me, his big dark eyes trained in my direction. ”What’s my next move to get her out of bed?” he seems to say. He has tried everything from his reservoir of cat arsenal and it hasn’t worked. Jumping on the bed hasn’t worked. Purring in one ear hasn’t worked. Rubbing his face against mine hasn’t worked and running one paw through my hair hasn’t worked either. ”This human is beyond my comprehension!” he meows and not too softly as he sits waiting and not too patiently!

Nothing new here. Our signals are often crossed but one thing is for sure, we love each other and there are no ifs or buts about it.

He’s been there through the thick and thin of life and everything in between. When I lost my friend the same one who had brought this tiny bundle of joy into my life, he was there to tamper the pain and make it lighter. I remember crying into his fur and holding him close. He took it like a champ even though I had soaked his fur with tears that were running down my face. He was there when I had something to laugh about. He would sit staring out the kitchen window as I moved around explaining what had happened to put that smile on my face and he would look back with that, “I’m happy for you” look or at times he would look at me with that, “I don’t know what you are droning on about but it is alright.” Talking to him has become a daily occurrence and we have an understanding of sorts. He has his world and I have mine but the love we share is of the non-negotiable type. It is there to stay and I can’t see my world without him.

Today as I roll out of bed and head on downstairs to make my first cup of coffee, he takes his spot by the kitchen window staring out at the world before him. At times, he will hear me humming and at times he will hear me whisper his name as I plant a soft kiss on his head and whisper, “I love you.” Everything is right in his world and in mine because his presence in my life is a Godsent and if there is a love never-ending, then this is it.

His name is Chachi and he is my love of a different kind.

“I have felt cats rubbing their faces against mine and touching my cheek with claws carefully sheathed. These things, to me, are expressions of love.” James Herriot

Have an amazing day.

It Took Courage

I don’t know if I would call it a risk but perhaps it was. I lost a friend a couple of years ago. We were very close and our lives revolved around each other. He was a good person with a very good heart and he taught me how to live again after the divorce.

However, his life on earth was short. He got very sick and his body was shutting down. There was no cure in sight and the person I once knew, the tall, strapping giant of a man was down to skin and bones. He was unrecognizable but the spirit remained. He gave me the task of pulling the plug when the time came. I couldn’t do it but there was no other choice. It meant pain, lots of it and him lost in a world that was unknown to me if it continued. Finally, I said go ahead. It took tremendous courage and the risk? I wasn’t sure if the decision was the right one.

The meds were stopped and it was just a matter of time. It took two weeks until his heart stopped beating. I hugged him the day before but he was already gone. I’ve asked myself this question many times, “Did I do the right thing? Could I have kept him here a little longer?” More importantly, “Do I regret giving them the go ahead?” Part of me still fights with the answers coming back but the part that knows better is at peace with the decision. I know he is in a better place and pain is a thing of the past for him. These days I see him flying with full-fledged wings as he was meant to be. They say the good die young and in his case that’s a true statement.

RIP

Daily writing prompt

Describe a risk you took that you do not regret.

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Chachi’s Tuna Fetish

Tuna is to Chachi as cheesecake is to his mommy! Chachi, the cat, loves tuna!

“While you’re up, human…..

bring me a can of tuna, would you?” Unknown

Yup, that’s my Chachi right there! He wants tuna seven days a week and if I try to disguise something else like chicken in his bowl, he cries, “Mutiny on the Bounty!” and goes on a hunger strike. The vet says, “Let him. He’ll eat his food when hunger strikes,” but the vet doesn’t know Chachi like I know my Chachi! I tried it for two days and each time he would walk to his bowl, look at it, smell it, snort, and look back at me. If that doesn’t work, he slams one paw in the bowl, moves it around noisily until he gets my attention. The little macho knows what he’s about and it’s not about being a cat either! He’s the boss and what he dictates goes.

“My idea of heaven consists of all of the things I’d go to hell for.” Unknown

My other cat hated tuna with a passion and couldn’t stand the smell of tuna. However, Chachi is a whole different breed. It’s tuna or he’d die trying.

You guessed it. I’m back to giving him tuna and the little four-legged furball has a grin on his face each time he goes to his bowl. Yes, he won the battle and you can say he’s plump full of tuna now!

ME: “Chachi, we’re out of tuna baby.”

HIM: “WHAT do you mean we’re out of tuna?!!”

ME: “It’s really not good for you.”

HIM: “I DISAGREE!”

End of discussion. Now, you know who wears the pants in this household! He has his tuna and I have my cheesecake. A win-win situation all around and peace reigns supreme again!

Have an amazing day.

The Dating Scene

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Going out on dates makes me very nervous. I hate the whole prep work leading up to the date. What to wear? Hair up or down? Casual or dressy? Makeup? I don’t wear heavy-duty makeup, just a touch of powder and lipstick so that is easy. However, everything comes into play and it makes me very nervous. I think more than anything else, I don’t want to be out there and that is the biggest problem.

I was married for a long time and when it got blown to bits, I had to make a choice. Stay single or put myself out there again. In the beginning, it was even fun. Meeting up for lunch or dinner was okay after the initial awkwardness. The dates usually turned out fine but I think I was the problem. If I got asked out again, I would come up with excuses. Then there was the problem of setting boundaries. I wanted to be friends but they wanted more. It turned out to be a big problem for me. If they gave me a compliment, I would get nervous. If they looked at me a certain way, I would cringe and wonder why. If they went “Whoa!” I would say, “What?!!” Add the “don’t touch policy” I came up with and you get the picture. It was a horror scenario.

I am single still (no wonder you might say) and a recluse to boot! I hate to say it but I love the freedom of not having to wonder what they are thinking, what they want and what they expect from me. Nervousness is on the backburner for now but there is a price to pay. I am alone most days but not lonely. I do want a guy in my life at some point but for now I’m not in a rush. When the time is right, he’ll show up BUT I don’t want to do the work for it. Pick the perfect guy from the crowd and drop him in my lap and I’ll be just fine!

Daily writing prompt

What makes you nervous?

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Change (Archives)

“Your new life is going to cost you your old one.

It’s going to cost you your comfort zone and your sense of direction.

It’s going to cost you relationships and friends. It’s going to cost you being liked, and understood. But it doesn’t matter. Because the people who are meant for you are going to meet you on the other side. And you’re going to build a new comfort zone around the things that actually move you forward.

And instead of liked, you’re going to be loved. Instead of understood, you’re going to be seen. All you’re going to lose is what was built for a person you no longer are. Let it go.” Brianna West

Change is never-ending. It is scary but it brings you one step closer to who or what you want to be. It moves you out of your comfort zone and at times it will feel like you are being thrown into the deep end of the pool, sink or swim is your choice. I hope you swim.

Looking back at my life and the things that have held me back, I realize much of it was tied in with stupidity and emotions I could have done without. I could have learned the lessons in a shorter period of time instead of dragging it on but I didn’t.

This thing called love could have been easier on me. I could have made it easier but I wasn’t strong enough. I was in a vulnerable state and it seemed to attract the wrong types because vulnerability is often an invitation which says, “Here I am, come break me!” I should have walked when I saw that it was a foregone conclusion and my holding on would not change the outcome. It never did. I will do better I promise myself. I will let go when I see the truth staring me in the face and walk away with my dignity intact and with my heart back in my chest. I will let go before it drags me down to where I often find myself, right down at ground zero but the changes took a long time coming.

I am stronger today than I was yesterday. My heart still speaks the language of love but it no longer speaks stupid. This journey I am on has changed me. The weak or vulnerable one has been replaced with one who is confident, capable and someone who knows who she is and what she wants out of life. Something inside me screams, “I am woman, hear me roar!” Scary? Well, if you’re the type of man I am accustomed to, then you should be. I am looking to be loved but with eyes open this time. Working on myself is a mindful and daily affair and when I finally step out of my comfort zone, the journey will be complete but change is a lifelong journey and it will be a never-ending one. I can handle it I tell myself because I am no longer who I used to be.

“A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.” James Keller

Have an amazing day.

A Decision I Made?

One decision I made in the past that has helped me to learn and to grow is to let go of a relationship that wasn’t working. Holding on is human nature and letting go is too but I tend to hold on longer than it is necessary sometimes until I am blue in the face or till the cows come home!

Therein lies all my problems. I knew it wasn’t working, I could see it for what it was but still I held on for dear life. However, the journey of self-discovery I am on taught me some lessons and one of them is that not all breakups are bad. Sometimes it is needed to teach you that “better” exists and it is not only in your mind. Once I started moving forward, I realized that I had it within me to pick and choose the right person I wanted in my life. My heart has all these romantic notions of how a love should be but I am learning that there is more to it than butterflies in your stomach. I tend to wear rose-colored glasses where love is concerned and when that tint wears off, I am left holding the remnants of a broken love affair. It’s off with those glasses and on to what it is really about. It is now about knowing what I want, what I won’t settle for and a love that is “all in” and not the fading kind. I mean, “the here today and gone tomorrow” variety.

Breaking off and going it alone has taught me many lessons but the most important one that has helped me to learn and grow is that I AM ENOUGH as I am. No embellishments needed! Version 2.0 is stronger and more capable at looking for love in all the right places and a royal pain in the you know what!

Daily writing prompt

Describe a decision you made in the past that helped you learn or grow.

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