If you’ve read my posts, I always end with, “Have an amazing day.” I truly mean that sentiment but a friend recently echoed it by saying, I’ll end this conversation with what you always say, “Have an amazing day.” It felt good to hear it from someone else’s lips and it sent joy gushing through my body. However, it also started my thought processes going. No surprise there, I am an overthinker!
What does it mean to have an amazing day? It’s a day free of worries, a day free of something weighing you down like an albatross around your neck, a day filled with sunshine and smiles but most of all I think it is a day where everything is possible and nothing is impossible.
I usually wake up wanting an amazing day in front of me but it doesn’t always work that way. Life steps in and sometimes things go downhill but that is alright too.
“You’re only human. You don’t have to have it together every minute of every day.” Anne Hathaway
I woke up this morning looking forward to a brand new day. A blank slate was staring me in the face and I could write whatever I wanted to on it. The sun was shining, the birds were singing and Chachi, the cat, was purring softly in my ear. I AM GRATEFUL for all that makes up my life, the good, the bad and the ugly. Life is not always just about the good stuff. It would be boring if it was. It is a kaleidoscope of possibilities, new beginnings, letting go of things that have outlived their purpose and of embracing what is to come and the unknown is a part of that equation.
Today will be an “amazing day” and I wish you the same.
“Just in case…..no one has told you today. YOU are amazing! Have a really great day.” Unknown
Staying calm and focused when your mind tells you otherwise is normal. It is human nature. My mind goes haywire and jumps around like a monkey when I’m stressed or I have to concentrate on what is before me and what needs to get done. Oftentimes I need to take a step back, go within myself to find the strength in silence and to focus on what I need to do to move on. It doesn’t always work but it does work if I stay focused.
“The ability to remain calm and focused on what truly matters is a superpower.” Unknown
Be like the tree that has weathered many storms and is still standing. It takes practice and a certain kind of mindset to weather a storm, any storm. If you’ve never worked a day in your life and the time has come to find a job, to get independent and to stand on your own two feet, you tend to lose focus because the unknown is formidable. However, with each fall you take, you gain the strength and the know how to get back up and to keep moving. Time, focus, calm and lots of practice makes it possible and soon you will be standing like that tree, strong and unshakeable in any storm. Breathe and keep moving. Standing still is never the answer.
“Breathe darling. This is just a chapter. It’s not your whole story.” S. C. Lourie
Stay focused but not on the wrong things. I can’t do this is not one of them. This is way too scary is not one of them. The ‘monster’ is too hard to slay is not one of them. Focus on finding the positive within the negative. Be prepared to put one foot in front of the other but whatever you do, do not take the easy way out or rather the coward’s way out and give up. It is easy to give up but much harder to step into an unknown arena and to win the day. YOU CAN DO THIS!
“Sometimes you need to slow down, remain calm, and simply let life happen. Take a deep breathe and focus on the simple important things: you are alive, you are breathing, you are enough as you are. You got this.” Unknown
Finally, tell the monkey in your brain that keeps dragging you all over the place with no end in sight to take a hike! Breathe, calm yourself down and stay focused on what you need to do to make it. YOU’VE GOT THIS!
Couldn’t have said it better myself. Time to put those items into practice. The hardest will be the last one. I do overanalyze everything to the point that I start out with something small and by the time I finish with it, it has been blown to gigantic proportions.
He’s the wrong guy if he does some or all of the things below. There are reasons why he’s the wrong guy so pay attention to your heart and listen to your intuition. It has your best interest at heart. The following quotes clearly speak to the heart of the matter.
“So many girls fall in love with the wrong guy simply because the wrong guy usually says all the right things.” Unknown
“The wrong man will always find reasons to leave. While, the right man will always find enough reasons to stay.” Unknown
“The wrong person makes you beg for attention, affection, love and commitment. The right person gives you these things because they love you.” Unknown
“The right attention from the wrong guy during a lonely time could fool you into thinking he might be the one.” Unknown
Loneliness creates dire circumstances and this is one of them. Finding our way to the wrong guy is made so much easier when loneliness steps in.
“Don’t settle. It’s better to face a little loneliness now than a lifetime of loneliness with the wrong person.” Mandy Hale
“When it’s the wrong person, anything you ask is too much.” Steve Maraboli
“At your absolute best, you still won’t be good enough for the wrong person. At your worst, you’ll still be worth it to the right person.” Unknown
Pay special attention to this one because with the wrong guy, it is never enough. Nothing you do will be enough and he’ll find excuses for why that is so. It is not you, it is him.
“Never let the wrong man waste your time and precious energy.” Unknown
If he’s the right one, he’ll find his way to you. If he’s not, he’ll be gone in a blinding minute. Sit up and take notice before it’s too late. The wrong guy is not your destiny but rather he walks in to teach you a lesson. Love is not made up of moments spent together, IT IS moments treasured together and the wrong guy will just provide lip service with no substance to it and when it comes down to showing he cares, he’s nowhere to be found. The wrong guy will walk at a moment’s notice and will even tell you to leave while the right one will weather the storm and sometimes even walk you through that storm. Wait for that person and do not settle for anything less than love, respect and commitment.
“Ladies, the right man for you will pursue you. Actively. He won’t leave you wondering whether he’s into you or not.” Mandy Hale
AND
If you want to find happiness, stay the hell away from a**holes! This is something I have to drill into my head as well.
It’s Sunday and too early in the morning to go that deep but I’ll give it a try since I just had my first cup of coffee and my mind is raring to go!
I would say “loss.” Many of us go through it and some of us refuse to learn from it. Loss to us is simply that. Losing something precious, losing a relationship for whatever the reason and of course death is the ultimate loss. These three things taught me that life is fragile but more importantly life is about learning because it (life) has lessons planned and learning and moving on is the only way to go. Standing still is not an option, screaming and howling is not an option, although you can try and I have, thumping your nose at it is not going to work either.
More than my marriage breaking up, I think it was death that brought home the fact that nothing lasts forever but I have strength, incredible strength within the kind that is capable of slaying monsters. First I had to accept that the person had moved on and I was left standing to pick up the pieces. It took crying, incredible grief, talking to myself, finding avenues to let that grief out but most of all when all was said and done, I took up the reins of life again and moved forward one step at a time and I am still moving forward although some days are harder than others. Loss teaches us that when one door closes another one opens. If you keep looking at that closed door, there is no moving forward but if you embrace and move through that open door there is a world of opportunities and new possibilities waiting to be discovered. Courage is needed and of course strength to push you through. It is still a learning process for me and I haven’t reached the pinnacle yet but maybe one day I will or maybe life is just that, when you think you’ve mastered a lesson along comes another. If that’s the case, make it a simpler one the next time around PLEASE!
Daily writing prompt
What experiences in life helped you grow the most?
Life has a tendency to throw curveballs when you least expect it. Just when you think all is going well and there you are asking what went wrong? What happened? It could be a break-up, the passing of a loved one or simply because something didn’t go the way you thought it would. Then the question WHY arises as it always does in moments such as these and we scramble to look for the answers.
“Always remember that everything happens for a reason. It might not make sense now but at the right time it will.” Unknown
Does it matter as to the reason why? Some may say of course it does. I NEED a reason why. Others may say, it happened. I am going to learn from my mistakes, accept it for what it is and move on from here. I am going to take the lessons I have learned and put it to good use in the future. Moving on is a hard thing to do and not knowing “why” makes it harder still.
“Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.” Unknown
I am learning that the reasons why don’t matter. It is what comes out of it that does. I lost someone close to me about two years ago. He was my best friend. I kept asking the question why after it happened? Why did he have to leave so soon? I wanted and needed to know the reasons why. It was as if my existence depended on the answers coming back to me. There were no answers forthcoming. Just an absolute and eerie silence. The reality was I could no longer run to him in my time of need, hear his soothing voice try to walk me out of the rabbit hole I was in and I just missed having him there to share the important and not so important things with him. I had taken him for granted and when it was time for him to go my world crumbled. The truth was, I had to deal with things on my own. I felt fear without my safety net there. It was sink or swim time. I felt the net being pulled away and as I came careening back down to earth, I learned that nothing lasts forever. I also learned as I kicked and screamed all the way down that I am enough as I am. I am fully capable of dealing with what life throws my way and I am learning to step out of my comfort zone albeit slowly and moving with little steps forward.
“I believe everything happens for a reason. People change so you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they’re right. You believe lies so that you will eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes, good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” Marilyn Monroe
Sometimes the reason why is not ours to know but what you do with what is handed to you whether it be good or bad is. I think all of us are fully equipped or rather we are fully programmed to deal with whatever life throws our way. The way ahead maybe strewn with rocks as big as boulders so passing throw them might seem like an impossible task at first but if you have the courage to push through, you will find your way and on to the other side at some point in time. The truth is most times you’ll have to move forward without asking WHY because there is no other choice.
“Someday, everything will make perfect sense. So for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, be strong & keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason.” John Mayer
“The only limits that exist are the ones in your own mind.” Unknown
A limiting belief is defined as,”a state of mind or belief about yourself that restricts you in some way. And these beliefs are often false accusations you make about yourself that can cause many negative results. Essentially, they are the lies you tell yourself, and if you allow them to continue, they define you.” http://www.linkedin.com
We all have them and we use them to define who we are as a person and what we are capable of achieving. Most of these beliefs carry negative connotations and they are designed to keep us from moving ahead in life. Here are some of them.
I am not good enough! This one is very familiar at least to yours truly. Quite often, I use this as my mantra to keep me in my rabbit hole. I venture out to take a peek and then I rush back into the hole where I am most comfortable. If I could, I would stay there forever but than again even rabbits come out to play from time to time and to observe life as it passes by. Partake or not, that is up to you. What does, “I’m not good enough,” really mean? It is a mindset that is well-ingrained into your psyche and once it has taken hold, it is next to impossible to get rid off. Perhaps changing the negative to the positive might help. I AM GOOD ENOUGH! Say those words often enough and it might just give that not so friendly sod, a heave and a ho and send it packing.
“Limiting Beliefs have one goal…..to keep you from leaving your Comfort Cave so you can’t grow and reach your greatest potential.” Unknown
I don’t have enough time…..this is another crippling lie and it is not true. If you look at the amount of time we waste propped up in front of the TV or sitting hunched over our lap top doing nothing much except to let these two gadgets dictate how we spend our time and nothing more. Truth is, you and I know that we have the time to do better things. We just need to do less of one and more of the things that contribute to our lives and crush those limiting beliefs that keep us from achieving our goals.
The next lie is one that loves to keep you in your place. If only I was taller, prettier, skinnier…..the list goes on and you get the drift. This one is designed to shrink you to 1/2 or a 1/4 of the size you actually are. Each time you repeat and accept this mantra in your head, you see this short, fat and ugly person staring back at you. It is not the reality but one you’ve chosen to accept as your reality. You, no matter what your size, height, weight or looks have just as much to offer this world than the other person. Pat yourself on the back and go conquer the world! I heard a saying once that goes like this. “Walk in like God sent you!”A good one to hold close to your chest and to pull out at those moments when you feel lacking or feeling smaller than you actually are.
Limiting beliefs need constant work. They are not easy to overcome but with time, effort and a conscious effort to defeat them, you’ll find yourself on the other side of the fence, the side that is more positive and forgiving but if nothing helps than perhaps this will.
“Do the uncomfortable. Become comfortable with these acts. Prove to yourself that your limiting beliefs die a quick death if you will simply do what you feel uncomfortable doing.” Darren Rowse
“When you are your own best friend, you don’t endlessly seek out relationships, friendships, and validation from the wrong sources because you realize that the only approval and validation you need is your own.” Mandy Hale
How often have you looked to others for validation, to lift you up, to make you feel important, to give their approval and to make you feel loved? I know I have and found myself wallowing in self-pity or even questioning “me” as a person. I am learning that loving yourself comes first. YOU are important, what you tell yourself is important. Be kind and gentle here because the way you talk to yourself is important. Work on yourself, it is the key element to get you out of the rut. What rut? The stuck in the mud rut. Your goal is to get you moving to a better life and to feel comfortable with yourself.
Invest in Yourself
This may sound like a new concept because we spend a lot of our energy and money investing in materialistic things but in our rush to please ourselves, we forget the all-important person who is left wanting. Invest in time spent with yourself, this doesn’t take much but dedication. A walk in nature to nurture your soul, meditation to look inwards and find peace, working out to bolster your health or even spend time talking to yourself. If you have the means, pamper yourself. Go for a massage, get a facial, get a manicure or pedicure and no, it doesn’t mean you are vain. It just means you are putting yourself first and showing love to the person who matters the most and that is YOU.
Invest in your Environment
Your home is your castle? Work to make it that way. Spruce up your garden, plant flowers that give you joy when they bloom and fill your space with color. Redo your living area and or your bedroom and add things to make you feel comfortable. Make it a place you love spending time in and love coming back to but most of all, a place where you can relax and pamper your soul.
Get Rid of the Unwanted
This is hard. If you want to be your own best friend, you need to make space for the important things. Get rid of the things that bog you down, the people who make you question who you are because they are in a bad place in their lives. If their only goal in life is to bring you down to their level of despair, let them go! Sometimes getting rid of the unwanted makes room for what is needed. New friends, love, laughter, joy and peace.
Say this to yourself and mean it.
“You are hands down, my favorite person.” Unknown
Being your own best friend takes time as it is with everything that matters. Be forgiving, speak softly and lovingly to yourself, encourage yourself, love yourself and work towards looking in the mirror and loving the person staring back at you. Be your own validation and life will get easier.
How to be your own best friend:
“Look in the mirror and give yourself a high-five.
Ask yourself often, “how are you feeling?”
Cry when you need to.
Give yourself a hug.
Forgive yourself for going back to old patterns and behaviors.
Encourage yourself with words you would use to encourage a friend.” Unknown
Sometimes we need that duct tape over our mouths! There is not just one word but several that I would like to see permanently eradicated from usage simply because they do not add but detract from the English language as a whole.
Their use is easy to those who have a limited vocabulary and to those who think some of those words are “power words.” I detest the “F” word. Listening to someone using this word like confetti strewn throughout a sentence makes my skin crawl. I grew up in a household where cuss words, swear words and racial slurs were not allowed and if caught using them, there was hell to pay. A younger brother rebelled against such restrictions and the “F” word became his favorite word to get his disgust, anger or whatever else he was trying to get across. I heard him using it one day and told on him! Yes I was a tattle-tale but it was for his own good. Dad read him the riot act after hearing about it and we didn’t talk for a long time after. He did forgive me at a later point in time and I never heard him use it again or maybe not just around me!
If I have to cuss or use a swear word, I SPELL it out. It seems to take the sting out of it or so I think! A former boyfriend asked me, “Why can’t you just say the “F” word and be done with it?” My answer, “I can’t!” Fortunately, there are not many occasions where I’ve had to resort to such words and I can count them on one hand! Coming back to cuss words, George Washington once said:
“The foolish and wicked practice of profane cursing and swearing is a vice so mean and low that every person of sense and character detests and despises it.”
However, Mel Brooks had this to say: “I’ve been accused of vulgarity. I say that’s bulls**t.”
Two sides of the coin right there. I think eradicating such words especially of the hurtful nature such as racial slurs is a must but I can wish and hope and stand on my head and turn blue in the face but change will be a long time coming if ever!
Daily writing prompt
If you could permanently ban a word from general usage, which one would it be? Why?
A friend asked me recently, “What do you seek the most?” I couldn’t give him an answer right away. It was a troubling question to say the least. I thought I knew because I had been working on exactly this for months on end but now faced with a direct question and I had no answers or rather I was unsure. I wanted to say “love” but the word that jumped in was “peace.” More specifically, “inner peace.” I think without it nothing else matters. It all boils down to just living for the sake of living.
What is inner peace? According to http://www.calm.com, “Inner peace is a deep state of calm, acceptance and contentment. It means being in harmony with yourself, others, and the world around you. It’s not about eliminating challenges or difficulties but navigating through them with a tranquil and accepting mind.”
Do I have that kind of peace in my life? Truthfully, I’m not sure. I have a tendency to let things rattle me, unnerve me, shake me to the core and kick me off balance. I know I have stress and that is nothing new. Dealing with stress has always been an uphill battle but I’m doing better. However, I still have a long ways to go. The question then arose, how do I go about securing inner peace? The kind that gives me a deep state of calm and paints my world a beautiful shade of pink? The quote below might work.
“Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.” Pema Chodron
Sounds simple enough but let me tell you, it’s a hard one for me. I let people control my feelings, emotions and my reactions and that is the first problem. I needed simpler solutions to a tough question so I decided to go looking and turns out I’ve been doing them already!
Breathe it says. Take time out in the day to just breathe and let go. I’m learning all kinds of breathing techniques and it is not just about taking a breath in and expelling it out. The experts have honed breathing to a new high. Breathing has gone high-tech but the original version still works. Try it for a slice of good old-fashioned peace.
Mindfulness is the other technique used to achieve inner peace. Live in the present, embrace it, let it unfold and do not control. Life knows exactly what to do. A really hard one for me as I wanted the answers yesterday!
Meditation is a gold mine and don’t I know it. My early morning and evening meditation practices have worked wonders in my life. I’m calmer, my reaction to unwanted challenges is slower and my mind seems quieter than it used to be. Worth a try if tranquil peace is what you’re searching for. It takes practice to calm that fidgety mind but time and patience will get you there. There is a plus, there is nothing more delicious than unadulterated inner peace.
Nature, connect with it and it will instill peace to the depths of your soul. Something as simple as a walk will take you there. Fresh air and nature’s beauty will clear your mind and you will get a different perspective on life looking at it through nature’s viewpoint. Everything has a time and place, do not rush that is the message.
Practicing gratefulness is a big one. I’ve started practicing this simple concept and my glass went from half empty to actually quite full. Do it often enough and you won’t be lacking anything at all! Too simple? I know. Given time this technique does work because it changes your mindset from negative to a more positive one and we all need that.
If none of the above methods work, do this instead.
“Learning to ignore things is one of the great paths to inner peace.” Robert J. Sawyer
Ever since that question was thrown in my direction, I’ve been thinking about the mindset for inner peace and I have come to the conclusion that all roads lead to “inner peace” first. If you want to have a life free from chaos, disarray and turmoil, work towards inner peace and all the other things will fall into place. Challenges are a part of life both big, small and the daily variety but you can overcome if you focus, work on clearing it and MOVE ON! Standing still in one place for too long would be a big mistake. The Gambler song gives us some tips on how to do exactly that.
If you’re gonna play the game, boy
You gotta learn to play it right.
You’ve got to know when to hold ’em
Know when to fold ’em
Know when to walk away
And know when to run….
Every gambler knows
That the secret to survivin’
Is knowing what to to throw away
And knowin’ what to keep
Those last three lines speak to the matter of inner peace.
Figure it out, have confidence in yourself and HAVE AN AMAZING DAY!
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