mental-health – Page 19

ALL THAT BAGGAGE (Archives)

A soft reminder:

“not everything that weighs you down is yours to carry.” Unknown

I’m talking about emotional baggage, the kind that has gathered so much dust but we still carry them around like an albatross around our necks. Everyone has them but some find it easy to let go and to move on. Others lug it around because they love going back there for whatever the reason and than there are those who use it as a “get out of jail free card.” They whip it out as a talking point as to why they are stuck where they’re at and can’t see their way forward.

Most or all of the “emotional baggage” belongs in the past but unresolved issues, anger, sadness, grief or just plain, “I love living in the past” attitude puts it front and center and makes it very much a part of the present.

“Leave your baggage where it belongs. In the past. It has no place in your future.” Unknown

Things happen and oftentimes we have no control over it. It could be a break up or a painful event such as losing a loved one or even situations which cause anger, confusion and absolute disbelief. They happened and there is no changing the outcome but by carrying that baggage around like a well-worn trophy, it is not going to change what took place in the past. It happened and there is no going back. You can only move forwards.

“We all have baggage but there comes a time when you realize it’s time to UNPACK.” Unknown

Here are some examples of emotional baggage:

I’ll never be good enough.

I don’t deserve good things.

Everyone will leave me.

I am angry.

I will never forgive.

I can’t escape my past.

Nobody cares about me!

I hate my life!

I can’t move forward.

I failed.

This is as good as it gets.

Recognize any of them? I DO.

“Emotional baggage refers to “unfinished emotional issues, stressors, pain, and difficulties we’ve experienced that continue to take up space in our minds and affect our present relationships.” http://www.verywellmind.com

The truth is:

“Emotional baggage is heavy, and it’s way too expensive to keep dragging along to all the places that life wants to take you.” Unknown

No, it is not easy to get rid of emotional baggage because we keep filling it up every chance we get. It gets so full sometimes that I can’t zip it up for all the useless stuff that I fill it up with, mostly things that have happened and it is still there for all the reasons I have stated above. It’s time to refocus and discard what no longer serves you.

If you want to get rid of the ‘useless’ you need to do some work. According to http://www.griefworkcenter.com, “Identify what you have actually lost and grieve that which is gone, focus on your strengths that empower you; explore the tasks you need to complete to let go of the overwhelming feelings, and focus on how you have experienced growth because of what happened.”

I can hear one friend saying, “I CAN’T! It seems like only yesterday.” To that friend I say, “The truth is, it’s been more than 10 years. LET IT GO.” You don’t need that “get out of jail free card,” anymore, you have places to go.

AND

“Misery might love company but so does joy, and joy throws much better parties.” Billy Joey

Have an amazing day.

Good Vibes (Archives)

“One small positive thought in the morning can change your whole day.”

Dictionary.com defines good vibes as a “slang phrase for the positive feelings given off by a person, place or situation.” When good vibes are present you feel positive emotions or rather you radiate trust, love and kindness to those around you.

“A kind word, a genuine smile, and a warm gesture can send the best vibes.” Unknown

I can agree with the genuine smile part. Sharing smiles is a part of my DNA and if we share eye-contact, a smile is the first thing you’ll see before we even exchange a word. There is nothing wrong with sharing a smile with strangers. Who knows you might have changed their day for the better and it didn’t cost you anything to do so.

However, today ‘good vibes’ was the furthest thing on my mind. Something didn’t go quite right yesterday and it triggered an emotional response which filled me with agitation and that is putting it mildly. Afterwards, I wanted to make it right but I had to give it time so I tossed and turned all night and woke up with a big chip on my shoulder and not quite ready to blow it off. I have to keep moving to stop the overthinking I told myself. I put on my old sweats, the rattiest I could find to exaggerate how I was feeling, bundled my hair on my head and looking like a nightmare, I decided to do a thorough cleaning of the bedroom especially when I could see the dust bunnies grinning at me daring me to touch them. I got all the necessary stuff ready and a big bowl of water to wipe everything clean. Good vibes at this point was nowhere to be seen! Cleaning was and is not my favorite chore but it was one way to drown out my mind so I got ready to tackle the impossible. Just as I was getting ready to start, Chachi the cat walks in, takes one look at the big bowl of water and looks at me as if to say, “What’s the pool doing in the middle of the room mom?” That was enough to light up my eyes, put a smile on my face and to bring the good vibes rushing back in. Just an example of how little it takes to change the mood in an instant if only you’re ready and willing to let it.

“Let it go. Change the channel. Turn it off. Unsubscribe. Unfriend. Unfollow. Mute. Block. Walk away. Breathe.” Unknown

The day took off on a better note afterwards and I had a clean bedroom to boot. The problem was still there but it didn’t need to fill my whole day and neither did it have the power to destroy my mood, my day and my good vibes. Here are some rules, there are seven of them to help you to get your energy back, to bring oomph back into your life and more than that to put that smile back on your face. It did on mine.

7 RULES of LIFE

Make peace with your past so it won’t disturb your future.

What other people think of you is none of your business.

The person in charge of your happiness is you.

Don’t compare your life to others. Comparison is the thief of joy.

Time heals almost everything. Give it time.

Stop thinking so much. It’s alright not to know all the answers.

SMILE. You don’t own all the problems in the world.

So for today, GOOD VIBES ONLY!

Have an amazing day.

Let Go Gracefully (Archives)

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

Just like that….it is over. The feelings and emotions crowding your mind and raging through your body are almost too much to bear. Disbelief, anger, sadness, numbness, confusion and rage could be some of the emotions taking hold and letting go gracefully is the last thing on your mind.

It is a normal reaction. Give it time to settle down even if it feels like it never will right now. It is done for, so let it go gracefully.

“The trees are about to show us how lovely it is to let the dead things go.” Unknown

It is not easy to let go and it is downright scary. Suddenly it becomes real and very uncomfortable. Most of us look at it as a relationship ending and there is a mad scramble within to want to save what can’t be saved. What went wrong is the first question that comes to mind. The more pertinent question is, does it even matter? Crying over split milk is a lost cause and venting over lost time and energy even more so. Consider it a sunk cost and take steps to move on.

Did I neglect his needs, wants and feelings?

Did he neglect mine?

What led to the breakup?

Did he fall into me or was I the one doing the chasing running circles around him?

Did he hurt me intentionally? There is a difference between hurting someone and hurting someone intentionally. The latter is done with total disrespect knowing full well that the action taken will have repercussions and not of the nice kind.

More importantly, how much of what I didn’t want, did I tolerate?

The answers coming back could be eye-openers because, as women, we tend to have blinders on when it comes to love and relationships. What we wouldn’t tolerate normally are the very things we are quick to disregard when it comes to that special person in our life.

“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.” Unknown

Letting go is a grieving process. You’ll have to go through the grieving to get to the other side. There are five steps to the process. They are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. There is a quote that goes like this:

“The buffalo is the only animal that runs into a storm rather than away from it.”

Why? It’s because, “they instinctively know that walking into a storm will get them out of the weather quicker, despite knowing they’ll suffer more up front.” Face your problems head-on with courage and determination and by spending time there instead of ignoring them you will be able to move past them more quickly and effectively.

However, if you don’t want to do all five of the grieving techniques, accept what has happened, don’t ponder too much on why it happened but know that sometimes:

“Not all storms come to disrupt your life. Some come to clear your path.” Unknown

AND

“Some things break your heart but fix your vision.” Unknown

Let go gracefully and walk away with your dignity intact. Smile even if it hurts and turn the switch off. It is done for now and you’ll be fine.

Have an amazing day.

What Makes Me Laugh?

Photo by Vinicius Wiesehofer on Pexels.com

I would say a lot of things. I look for laughter everyday and it is an effort that I take seriously. It has been said, “laughter is the best medicine,” and I totally agree. A day without laughter in my world is like a day without sunshine. It is tinged with grey and something seems to be sorely lacking.

Seeking laughter is in my daily to-do list. Stand-up comedy is a good source. I love Max Amini and his brand of comedy. He always has me laughing and if that gets boring, I watch comedies which definitely does the trick and puts a sunshiny spin on my mood. Then there is the abundant supply of jokes out there that tickles my funny bone and I have posted some of them here. Not always funny to some but it is to me and that matters.

My most important laughter maker and stress buster is Chachi, the cat, aka Little Einstein. Not a day goes by without laughter from that angle. He doesn’t even have to do anything, just standing there with his front paws crossed has me breaking out in laughter. There is just something about the little guy that brings smiles and laughter in my direction. Perhaps it is called love, the unconditional kind. Whatever it is, I have found my perpetual source of laughter and it is of the happiness kind. He instigates it sometimes unknowingly but it does the trick and most days I wear a smile on my face having indulged in rip-roaring laughter. Laughter is there to be harvested if you just pay attention and decide to give it a chance. Try it, it is a beautiful thing and it gives stress a boot out the door!

Daily writing prompt

What makes you laugh?

View all responses

Breathing In Life

It’s interesting how everything comes back to this one thing and that is breathing. We pay it very little mind as we rush through life and forget that it exists but only as something we take for granted. It is that motion of taking in a breath and letting it out that tells us we are alive but how are we breathing? Has stress made your breathing harder, has anger stopped it in its tracks or has sadness made it shallow and rhythmless? Probably all of those things and more. Yet, if we stopped breathing than life would come to a standstill.

I found some beautiful quotes that gets you thinking about this thoughtless process we call breathing. It speaks to just how beautiful and essential it is to breathe and to pay attention to the kind of breathing we are doing.

“Life is amazing. And then it’s awful. And then it’s amazing again. And in between the amazing and the awful its ordinary and mundane and routine. Breathe in the amazing, hold on through the awful, and relax and exhale through the awful, and relax and exhale during the ordinary. That’s just living, heartbreaking, soul-healing, amazing, awful, ordinary life. And it’s breathtakingly beautiful.” LR Knost

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“Stop your worrying, panicking and stressing.

BREATHE.

Remember, you made it this far through difficulties that seemed impossible. Remember how many times you were saved at the very last minute – this time is no different.” Bryant McGill

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“You don’t always need a plan. Sometimes you just need to breathe, trust, let go, and see what happens.” Mandy Hale

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“As you waste your breath complaining about life, someone out there is breathing their last breath.” Appreciate what you have.” Unknown

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“Life isn’t measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.” Unknown

Did something or someone take your breath away today? The Magnolia tree out back took my breath away this morning. It is getting ready to bloom and soon it will be a showpiece as it is every year and it will be enough to take your breath away. The daffodils are shaking their yellow heads, their beauty simple but breathtaking. Most of all, the lone deer that ran through the fields this morning was mesmerizing and breathtaking as I stood and watched it do its spring dance of happiness. I got my daily dose of breathtaking moments today but I’m sure there will be more tomorrow, I just need to appreciate what’s in front of me.

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“Sometimes you need to slow down, remain calm, and simply let life happen. Take a deep breath and focus on the simple important things: you are alive, you are breathing, you are enough as you are.” Unknown

YOU GOT THIS.

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“Listen, are you breathing just a little and calling it a life?” Mary Oliver

Words to pay attention to. We deserve better don’t you think?

Have an amazing day.

The Little Big Voice (Archives)

We’ve all heard it whenever we do something wrong, or think we have done something wrong. We hear it when we take a fall, when we fail or when we know it is wrong and still do it only to find out that it was the wrong thing to do. It is at these times that the “inner critic” within is the loudest.

It yells, “Are you stupid? Why did you do that?”

It shouts, “You knew better but YOU still had to do that! WHY?”

“Your inner critic is the voice of your fear with a megaphone.” Unknown

There are other such moments but you get the picture. According to http://www.imermelbpsychology.com.au., your inner critic is that voice in your head that has a cold, demanding, harsh, punishing or mean quality to it,” and if you look deeper or further, “It is usually experienced as an inner voice attacking a person, saying that they are bad, wrong, inadequate, worthless, guilty and so on.” wikipedia.org

It is not a nice little voice and sometimes it booms when it wants to be heard. It has a tendency to make you feel anxious and often it magnifies the bad and minimizes the good in our lives. However, the inner critic is not something you’re born with but it is developed during childhood when a child often hears harsh criticism from “parents, caretakers, teachers and peers,” and it can change the way the brain develops. When it is given constant reinforcement of such negativity it helps to internalize self-judgment and a critical stance of oneself. The unhealthy inner critic leans towards destructive criticism and it can produce feelings of shame, low self-esteem, depression, self-doubt and it can undermine your self-confidence.

“Your inner critic re-affirms untruths about yourself that you have internalized to be true.” Athena Laz

This little big voice is not your cheerleader but it is very adapt at giving you the constant thumbs-down whenever you question something you’ve done or have thought about. Instead of bolstering you up, it joins in to tear you down and dances to the tune with glee. It is also exhausting, demoralizing and tells you in its loudest voice that you are not enough.

“The negative self-talk from your inner critic can be soothed by increasing your self-compassion and self kindness.” @heytiffanyroe

According to jessicaabel.com, you can soften that harsh and demanding voice. “When you access your inner critic and give it space and self-compassion, it will be more likely to ease up on you. When we slow down, ask questions, and take a breath; when we stop and don’t try to overwhelm and undermine that voice, we’re likely to find a little bit of wisdom about something that needs to be healed.”

“Understanding how the critical inner voice has affected your actions and held you back from opportunities will open your eyes to the power you have given to your inner critic.” Usha Maharaj

Turning down the volume on all that criticism, sort of taking away that megaphone to hush that loud and critical voice is one way to do it. Slaying it is not the answer because a little bit of “inner critic” is a good thing. Letting it get out of hand is another thing altogether and learning to respond to it is a good thing as well. This takes a lot of practice because you have to switch from silencing your inner critic to listening to it with empathy. Recruit it and add it your team. That seems like a good idea because we can all use some extra help in building us up and I think it (the inner critic) wants to help but unlike your intuition which has your best interest at heart, this spoiled and often loud voice just needs some taming to make it work for you.

If all else fails, you can:

“Press the switch off button to your inner critic and start being awesome.” Unknown

Have an amazing day.

I Wish I Could….

Wishing and making it come true are two different things. However, if wishes could come true, I wish for a day of doing NOTHING! Absolutely nothing.

Most days I get up at around 6 in the morning not because I want to but because Chachi, the cat, has an inbuilt alarm clock that goes off each morning at the very same time. He decides that it is time for his mom to get up as well! After a cup of coffee and a light breakfast, I watch the news. These days watching the news is an uneasy process. I can stomach about 15 minutes or less and it’s enough of Trump and his craziness already!

It is time to get ready for the day. It starts off with a few minutes of meditation and off I go. Some days there is just too much to get done and being single means “fixing” things that don’t work. It could be something as small as replacing a lightbulb or as big as getting a major gadget repaired. Having a house means there are things that need repairing and if I can’t get it done than it’s time to get someone to come in and take care of it. However, I also do things to keep the stress factor in check like walking or just going quiet for a while but I want a day where I can get up at my own leisure, stay in PJs all day and have absolutely nothing to do. No phone calls to answer, no text messages to reply to and nothing to take care off. If not every day then just for a day.

I want to put a sign out that reads:

“OUT FOR THE DAY!”

Daily writing prompt

What do you wish you could do more every day?

View all responses

Solitude (Archives)

“A place where you meet yourself, where you embrace and appreciate your own company. Exactly, where you face your fears and rethink your decisions. Solitude is that essential place to recharge our inner energy.” Tuwalily

It’s a place I go to where I can shut out the noise, the distractions and the clutter that make up my life. I go within where there is peace to be found, resilience and strength. Solitude and stillness is where answers can be found and I get the strength to move on from where I’m at.

Solitude is defined as a “healthy, personal discipline that allows you to engage in meaningful self-reflection. Loneliness, however, is a state of sadness because one has no friends or company.” fullsailleadership.com

I embrace solitude and there is a certain deliciousness that comes from being still and listening to what is being told to you. When you get rid of the chatter, you get clarity.

“Solitude is where I place my chaos to rest and awaken my inner peace.” Unknown

Meditation, yoga or just a simple walk in the fields helps to open up a world of possibilities. A world where you are not confronted by what others think of you, of having to measure up, or of conforming to what is considered the norm. You can let go and just be yourself. It’s a place where you can go deep within and really see what you’re holding there, find out who you are and a place where you can learn to let go of what doesn’t serve you. There is peace within and unlimited resources but in order to reap the benefits, you need to come face to face with the ugliness, the so-called remnants of your past and retrain your mind to see different. Change your mindset and everything will start falling into place as it should. Solitude is where I find my peace and if I’m willing, it shows me who I am and what I need to change to get to the other side.

“Solitude is dangerous. It’s addicting. Once you see how peaceful it is, you don’t want to deal with people anymore because they drain your energy.” Unknown

I spend a lot of time by myself. I’m learning to love it to the point that I choose my own company to that of being with friends or family. I think that I am my own best friend which is a good thing but as the quote says, it can be addicting and like I sometimes say, I’m a recluse or at least feel like one at other times. I’ve come up with a solution to this predicament. I’m really going to make an effort to spend more time with people to break this monotony because both is needed to make me a complete person. However, home is where my heart is.

My bouts of solitude has made me stronger and fully capable of dealing with what life throws my way. There is strength in solitude so seek it, use it and learn that there is a source you can go to when life decides it’s that time again. What time? Time to learn another lesson and before you go, “Oh no!” make solitude your friend and ally and things will start looking up.

“Make yourself a priority once in a while. It’s not selfish. It’s necessary.” Unknown

AND

“I’m not Anti-Social. I’m Pro-Solitude.” Unknown

Have an amazing day.

What Ifs (Archives)

The dictionary defines a WHAT-IF as a “question that asks someone to imagine what might happen or what might have happened.” Life is full of what-ifs and some of us live our lives carrying that load around knowing full well that it will never become a reality.

We carry the “what ifs” of the past, present and the future that makes life a caricature of what it should be. We whip out the “what ifs” of yesterday to justify where we are today and they affect your present and future like a ripple effect.

We ask:

What if we had stayed together? Life would be so much better today wouldn’t it? Well would it?

What if he/she hadn’t died on me? We would have a wonderful life today. Is that guaranteed or just make-believe?

What if I hadn’t done X, Y, or Z, I would have a completely different life now. Really?

What ifs are suppositions that tend to paint our world in make-believe colors, whatever they may be. The fact is ‘what ifs’ can’t change what has happened and there are no guarantees that if they hadn’t happened, we would be in a different place today. Whatever happened, it happened and for whatever the reason. It was bad but there is no going back. It is a part of the past, accept it and move on.

“That’s the thing about ‘what ifs’; they don’t matter. They don’t change anything. All they do is make it unable for you to heal.” Lindy Zart

So you loved someone with all your heart and that person left you, it happened and they live on in memories nothing more. Accept it and move on. YOU have a life to live.

Someone hurt you in the past. They knew what they were doing but you don’t have to keep paying a price for their meanness. They will reap what they sowed at some point in time. Remember what goes around comes around. Yours is not to ask when or how. All in good time. Let it go and heal.

Life happened and threw you a curveball and you are still asking what if? It doesn’t matter but what matters is that you are in the here and now and those ‘what ifs’ don’t matter anymore only if you let them.

“What” and “if” are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life.” Unknown

What if? What if? What if?

Let’s change it to “Why not.”

Why not have a great life? You deserve it don’t you?

Why not leave the past behind you where it belongs? The dead do the haunting not the living. Let it be.

Why not laugh, smile, jump for joy, live and move on? It is your right to do so, isn’t it?

Leave the ‘what ifs’ where they belong. Not in the past, not in the present and not in the future. However, if it keeps bugging you, ask “now what?” Stay in the present and look towards the future and you’ll be just fine. Let’s give the pesky ‘what ifs’ a heave ho and right out the door!

Have an amazing day.

Cheesecake Addiction (Update)

UPDATE:

I’ve been trying to beat this addiction as I call it and it has been giving me a run for the money! It has been “winning” (like Trump would say) and I’ve fallen off the bandwagon many times over, it’s all par for the course. However, I’ve made it without cheesecake for a week now and it feels great but the craving is still there. It is heaviest right before sleep when I see cheesecakes floating before my eyes and begging for attention! The lure is slowly subsiding but we’ll see how this goes. So far so good. 👍

Some of you may know of my addiction to cheesecake as I’ve been posting about it often enough here.

I consider myself to have tremendous willpower and those who have gotten through that barrier were allowed to do so on my terms. However, I’ve met my match and it wasn’t made in heaven!

This creamy concoction of cream cheese and all things nice has taken hold and ever since that first bite I’m a prisoner in every sense of the word! What happened to willpower? It has given up and is hiding somewhere.

Let me tell you, I’ve tried my best but my best doesn’t seem to be enough to get rid of this addiction. I make it for a week and then I hear it calling my name. Within seconds, I am sitting down to a nice slice of scrumptious cheesecake and a cup of coffee. It’s heaven if you ask me. It (the cheesecake) knows that I’m putty in its hands!

I tried getting rid of the “fixer.” I call him the cheesecake guy. He brings or used to bring me a whole cheesecake every weekend. Half of a plain no frills variety and a cherry filled one. The problem was I had a never-ending supply of cheesecake and every time I walked by the fridge, it called and I obliged! So, it was time to get rid of the source. It wasn’t that difficult to do since I am getting rid of the “menfolk” to work on myself. However, the “no cheesecake” policy is much harder. Something seems to be missing.

No worries. There is still the bakery where the ladies who work the counter always greet me with a knowing grin. “One cheesecake?” Yes, they know me well. I broke down and bought a whole cheesecake yesterday and had a slice for breakfast today! Nope, it is not going well. I’m still hooked on this piece of nothingness and who would have thought that IT would be my biggest nemesis. Time to work on winning the battle. If there is one thing I know about myself, it is that I’m up for challenges and I KNOW I CAN BEAT THIS ADDICTION!

Good luck says the cheesecake!

Have an amazing day.