mental-health – Page 6

Fragments of Yesterday (Archives)

“And then, just like that, my heart broke. My face crumpled, my composure went and I held him tightly and I stopped caring that he could feel the shudder of my sobbing body because grief swamped me. It overwhelmed me and tore at my heart and my stomach and my head and it pulled me under, and I couldn’t bear it. I honestly thought I couldn’t bear it.” Jojo Moyes

That last line held me in its grip and I went along for the ride for as long as it took. “I couldn’t bear it,” was my mantra when the dream splintered into a thousand pieces and lay in fragments at my feet. “This couldn’t be happening to me!” was my other cry but none of that mattered because the end had arrived and there was no going back to what was.

Cheating is one of the most despicable things one human being can do to another. If truth be told, it happens all the time. It has become a norm in this easy come, easy go world of ours. When it happens, you find yourself going under, and in my case I lost my best friend, a long-time life partner I had known and trusted for a long time. The aftermath is hard to describe. I went from a confident woman to someone I didn’t recognize anymore. There was sadness and of course tears but that line, “I couldn’t bear it,” was the slogan that kept me in the hole that someone else had dug for me.

However, let me tell you, YOU are fully capable of bearing it! It may seem like all is lost and you may feel like you’re looking at absolute darkness but I assure you that you’ll find your way into the light as I did. It took courage, strength, forgiving yourself for what wasn’t your fault and to slowly rise again. Rise again you must because you have no other choice! Let me also tell you that you are enough and those “fragments” of a shattered heart will learn to mend itself. You will learn to look at love and life through different glasses and the next time around when love walks in, you will know better.

“Over the years, confusing fragments, lost corners of stories, have a clearer meaning when seen in a new light, a different place.” Michael Ondaatje

I’ve changed from that young and trusting person I used to be. I thought love once yours would remain forever. I gave my trust to a man who had vowed to love me forever, had called me the love of his life and because best friends don’t hurt each other, I had thought we would make it to the very end. Wrong!

However, I can’t change what I want.

“And that was the cause of my heartache. I wanted everything or nothing at all. I’m not impressed by bits, parts, or almost. I’m a seeker of that which is whole, full, and complete. Completely mine or completely not.” Unknown

If that is in the cards for me is left to be seen. Only time will tell. You can overcome the insurmountable and even though you will carry those scars for a lifetime, you are built to survive. You are strong, you are resilient and you are beautiful. I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror after it happened. I felt UGLY! It took time to overcome that as well.

Cheating causes emotional turmoil, mental health issues, a trust deficit, low self-esteem and sometimes PTSD-like symptoms. Sounds daunting doesn’t it? IT IS! However, the YOU within is capable of overcoming pain and resilient enough to overcome the challenges that it entails.

“You’re not broken. You’re just becoming. Unfolding slowly – like petals in spring. Give yourself time. ”

AND

“What sticks to memory, often are those odd little fragments that have no beginning and no end….” Tim OBrien

Be kind to yourself, love yourself, build yourself up and learn that those “fragments” which were part of your yesterday can help you towards a better tomorrow. Here’s the thing, YOU CAN BEAR IT!

Have an amazing day.

The Hard Things (Archives)

Most of us cringe at the thought of doing the hard things. Be it a break-up, walking away, losing a job and letting go of things that no longer serve us, it is an exceptionally hard thing to do. It is also not something we look forward to because it means taking the bull by the horns and waging war on what seems to be an impossible task at first. Given time, patience, perseverance and a hard-headed look at what needs to be done to get to the other side, we find it is doable but not easy.

Easy is not what life is about. If anything, easy is not in its vocabulary. It seems at times that “living” is about going through the hard stuff. Sometimes one and sometimes a string of unsolvable and often times impossible situations but you and I know that it is those hard times and how you deal with them that brings out the strength in you. Sure, it would be easier if we didn’t have to deal with them but when has that stopped life from throwing it our way?

Where would we be without them? Probably having a great time without having to walk through the minefield of the hard stuff all equipped and designed to bring you down to your knees if you make a false move. There is no right or wrong way of going about it, it is trial and error and an undying resilience to take what is handed to you and to make it work for you. We’ve all made those false moves where we’ve crashed and burned and just when you think there is nothing left to do except to pick up the pieces and make the most of it, there is light at the end of the dark tunnel. There is that open door that beckons because as you know when one door closes, another one opens but it is human nature or at least it is mine to look past it and back at the one that has closed and is no longer available.

“Hard things are hard because there are no easy answers or recipes. They are hard because your emotions are at odds with your logic. They are hard because you don’t know the answer and you cannot ask for help without showing weakness.” Ben Horowitz

The hard stuff has kept me captive for longer than I want to admit. Truth is, I don’t do “HARD” well. Holding on is my nemesis, letting go of things that no longer serve me is harder still and moving on, well that is an impossible task at times. I hold on hoping that changes will come my way but it never does. Things happen for a reason, people are the way they are because they are wired that way and looking and hoping is not going to change things. However, whatever life throws your way, there is a lesson in there somewhere but it is hard to see when it first hits you. I think we fail miserably at times because we walk in circles, bang our heads on that closed door and refuse to move on until we are drained of energy and there is nothing else to do but to walk through that open door. Human nature at its best? I think so.

We are fully capable and have the strength within to meet the hard stuff head on and to tame it if necessary. It is the fear of the unknown in sync with the weakness within that works hand-in-hand to stop us in our tracks, makes us tremble where we stand as we whisper, I can’t. You and I have had our baptism by fire in one form or another, of this I am sure. The hard thing is just one more obstacle to overcome, nothing more, nothing less. We tend to make it more than what it is. Life is a never-ending circle of challenges in the form of “hard things” to overcome. It is mixed in with the good stuff but it is the hard stuff that brings forth the real you. Your strength, your power and most of all your ability to slay it where it stands takes courage, growth and an attitude of never giving up which will put the “hard stuff” in its place. Who knows if shown the door more often than not, it might decide to stay away. We can hope can’t we?

“I see your fear, and it’s big. I also see your courage, and it’s bigger. We can do hard things.” Glennon Doyle

Have an amazing day.

THE JOURNEY (Archives)

Edmund Hillary once said, “It is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves.” There is much truth in that one statement. In order to conquer the mountain, metaphorically speaking, we have to conquer ourselves first.

More often than not, we place lines and boundaries around ourselves that stop us from moving forward, both knowingly and unknowingly. I have talked about the stories we tell ourselves in another article and it still stands true. The narratives we tell keeps us from achieving goals we set for ourselves. We say, “I can’t,” which is often the first response. What if we changed that narrative to, “I can.” Worth trying?

The thing I need to conquer first and foremost is fear. This four-letter word has kept me from achieving so much in my life. Whatever comes my way is usually DOA because fear steps in and tells me why I am incapable of doing something which might sound rational at the time but it is usually only in my head. The fear factor has kept me safe BUT it has also stopped me from experiencing life at its fullest. I know I need to break out of the well-insulated cocoon I am in and test the waters, or at least to get my feet wet. Not saying you should throw caution to the wind but talking about those small steps to conquer that mountain called life.

“Each of us must confront our own fears, must come face to face with them. How we handle our fears will determine where we go with the rest of our lives. To experience adventure or to be limited by the fear of it.” Judy Blume

Overcoming obstacles is next in line. My first reaction to any obstacle is to cringe and than I tend to shy away from it. Perhaps normal behavior in the grand scheme of things but it would be so much easier if I looked at it, whatever it is, in the eye and made a conscious decision to break it down to what it really is. Most times, it is a wrinkle rather than a mountain that I in my innate human self make it out to be. I am learning but it takes time.

“Obstacles are like wild animals. They are cowards but they will bluff you if they can. If they see you are afraid of them….they are able to spring upon you; but if you look them squarely in the eye, they will slink out of sight.” Orison Swett Marden.

Acceptance is hard and most times I go through an almost impossible obstacle course of my own making before I can say, “It’s going to be alright. I have accepted the unchangeable and it is time to move on.” This step never comes easily and it takes time but that again is the intricate ways of life or simply of my own choosing. The important thing is that I am learning to accept and to let go instead of giving up and kow-towing to defeat. I want to get to the top of the mountain with bells ringing and with my sanity intact! I still have a long ways to go but I am making progress.

“Acceptance doesn’t mean resignation; it means understanding that something is what it is and that there’s got to be a way through it.” Michael J. Fox

However, there is no point in setting out on a journey when there are no clear cut goals because running around in circles is a waste of time and having the courage to know and accept what is needed to make that journey is the way to go. Start with yourself. Be strong enough to get rid of what is not needed, set your focus and start moving to the end goal. Light up your soul, eradicate the stumbling blocks of which there are many I am sure, move with purpose and look towards the path in front of you, one small step at a time. This is exactly what I plan to do.

“Aim for the sky, but move slowly, enjoying every step along the way, it is all those little steps that make the journey complete.” Unknown

Have an amazing day.

Pathological Liars (Archives)

Pathological liars are pros when it comes to lying. It is a way of life for them and these losers are said to have a personality disorder but I think they just enjoy lying and LOVE getting away with it which in turn gives them an adrenaline rush to boot.

Abraham Lincoln said it best:

“No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar.”

My ex fits the mode perfectly. He lied so much that he forgot which one was the truth and which one was the lie! It became one and the same to him. He eventually got tired of keeping up with all his lies and decided it was time to threw up his hands and call it quits. Coming back to the topic at hand, there are 6 signs of a pathological liar. Probably more, but we’ll stick to these six for now.

Pathological liars tend to:

Have a lack of empathy.

Focus on basic needs, such as food and money.

Find pleasure and gratification in lying.

Speak in terms of cause-and-effect instead of emotions.

Be cunning and manipulative.

Lie just for the sake of lying. Science=People

How do you cope with a pathological liar?

Don’t expect them to admit to a lie because they will stick to their lies even when it’s obvious that they are not telling the truth.

Don’t take it personally. It is not about you, it is a mental disorder or so they say.

Don’t think just because they look you in the eye, they are telling the truth. Most often they can stand on their heads and try to convince you that they are telling you the truth.

Don’t lose your temper because it’s not about you losing control, it just makes them much better liars. There’s no winning with these guys.

Do trust yourself and your intuition.

Do pay attention to their actions rather than their words because after all actions do speak louder than words.

Do set boundaries as to what you will tolerate and what you won’t in a relationship not that it matters to these individuals. They are well-versed in the art of lying and somehow getting away with a lie does not faze them as it would a normal individual with a conscience. So be prepared for more of the same or walk away.

“It’s not the lie that bothers me. It’s the insult to my intelligence that I find offensive.” Unknown

That’s exactly it. Most pathological liars think that they are experts when it comes to lying so no one is the wiser for it. However, sometimes they come across those of us who can see right through them and that’s when they fall flat on their lying faces and move on to more fertile territory, the women who love being lied to. Unfortunately, there are plenty of those too.

“You know what’s great about compulsive liars? They keep zero promises and then make YOU feel guilty about it when you’re upset.

I need to master this art.” Unknown

Finally, pathological liars are not worth your effort, time and energy. It takes all of this and more to keep them in line not to mention the eventual heartbreak it brings. There are no long-term with these guys just lots of being on the look out all the time. It is definitely NO fun and definitely not how I want to spend the rest of my life and neither do you, so keep your eyes and ears wide open and remember if it quacks like a duck and walks like a duck, it is probably a LIE!

“How much happier would life be if a liar’s pants really did catch on fire!” Unknown

AND

“Secrets and lies kill relationships. No matter how careful you are, you will get caught. What’s done in darkness always comes to light.” Unknown

Have an amazing day.

Relaxation

Relaxation is a big word in my life as everything is focused on or around it. No matter how stressful life gets or how chaotic things are, relaxation is one of the things that I try to do everyday without fail.

It could be as simple as a walk in nature for about 20 minutes, a workout at home for 30 minutes, a meditative practice for however long I like and just simply breathing for all its worth. All of these methods help me to relax and to give the “stress” monster a kick out the door. It wasn’t always this way. Life had me in its grip and I found myself on the go all the time and there was no time to stop and smell the roses even if I wanted to. Then I made a conscious decision to step back, go into the recluse mode, throw what didn’t serve me out the door and to give relaxation the all-important spot as being number 1 in my day-to-day routine.

These days, I am learning to relax at the drop of a coin. If something bugs me, I grab one of my go to methods for relaxation and retreat into a world of peace and nirvana. Just 15 minutes a day does the trick and “no time” is not an excuse. You do have the time to do what is good for you. Forget about the world and all those to do lists, you come first so do something good for yourself.

I must admit I’m not where I should be. There are days when everything falls apart and relaxation is nowhere to be seen no matter how hard I try. Taking a break is alright too but come back to that state of mind where life is simple and all you need to do is breathe and let the world do its thing without you in it for a while.

“You don’t always need a plan. Sometimes you just need to breathe, trust, let go, and see what happens.” Mandy Hale

Daily writing prompt

How do you relax?

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Blogging

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When I first started posting here, I didn’t think of it as blogging. I was away from the public eye or so I thought and at the time I had next to no viewers, readers or “likes” for that matter. It was alright with me because everything was low-key and I could write about whatever I wanted to.

It was fun, it was a way to get my frustrations out and at times my anger out as well and a way to clear the path forward. I had taken a fall and I was trying to find my way out of that rabbit hole and what better way to do this than to get it all out there, the good, the bad, and the ugly! I was literally putting myself out there, lock, stock and barrel.

Then those “likes” started rolling in and I realized that people liked what I was writing about and some were in the same boat as I was and it was a way for us to grow and get better together. However, it got a little uncomfortable because at times I felt like I was on full display with my hurts, wounds, and feelings out there for all to see. The other aspect was that there were many out there who had walked the same path I had walked and were looking for ways to get a grasp on life again. I continued and now I do get more likes than I used to, the site is “booming” as I was told earlier this week and it is doing fine.

It is not about the “likes,” it is about life from my perspective and what I have done to get myself back on track and back on the journey of life and if my story has helped someone than my writing or blogging has been well-worth the effort.

Daily writing prompt

Why do you blog?

View all responses

SINGLEDOM (Archives)

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Being “single” is cringeworthy to some, unbelievable to others, unbearable to those who think “single” is a bad word and a “no go” in today’s society of settling for anything even if it means you are with the wrong person just so long as you have someone to boost your image.

Single is defined as “the state of being unmarried or not involved in a long-term relationship.”

I’m both right now but I have to say it’s working out for me. I love spending time by myself and I’m learning that I like who I am. All the clutter that clouds my mind in a relationship is gone and for a change there is peace and clarity within.

“You’re single not because you are not good enough for one, it’s that you’re too good for the wrong one.” Chris Burkmein

Sometimes we make the wrong choices and wind up in relationships that are not good for us. Taking the time as I am doing to find out why I keep falling for the wrong types is a necessary move on my part. Making a promise to do better the next time around is an integral part of the journey I’m on. It’s a journey of self-discovery and I’m not rushing things. I’m taking my time going within to weed out all the destructive bits that lead me on the self-same journey over and over again.

“It takes a strong person to remain single in a world that is accustomed to settling with anything just to say they have something.” Unknown

Settling is not my thing and never has been and I’m stubborn to a fault. Put the two together and you have someone who may never find the right one and “single” is in her cards forever! However, I’m not giving up hope. Working on myself is a priority this year and when and if the “new” someone shows up, I hope I’ll be ready to lower the banner I have around my heart which says, “Do Not Disturb, Work in Progress!“

It has been said:

“A season of loneliness and isolation is when the caterpillar gets its wings. Remember that next time you feel alone.” Parade

AND

“I’ve been single for a while and I have to say, it’s going very well.

Like…..It’s working out.

I think I’m the one.”

Unknown

All jokes aside, being “single” is nothing to be ashamed of. It just means you are taking time out for yourself, learning who you are, loving yourself, working on your self-worth and when the time is right, you’ll get your wings and you’ll learn to fly with the right person.

“Be strong enough to let go and wise enough to wait for what you deserve.” Unknown

Have an amazing day.

Favorite Time of Day?

Any time of day can be a favorite time if things work out right and all is going well. However, my favorite time of day is when I am feeling calm, collected, mind free of worries and with Chachi, the cat, by my side. Add a day with beautiful blue skies, a light breeze and not too hot and you’ve got my favorite kind of day.

Ok, let’s see. I love mornings when I am up early and the world is still asleep. Listening to the birds in the trees and the constant cooing of pigeons on the rooftops is soothing and my mind is at rest. Any time my mind is at rest is a good thing so mornings do that. Chachi’s purring is an additional bonus to that feeling of contentment.

Afternoons are a time when sometimes it is hectic and sometimes I am halfway through things. It is not a peaceful feeling. I don’t take naps in the afternoons as most people around here do because if I do I wake up feeling groggy and not rested at all. I usually spend the afternoons writing, cleaning or doing whatever mundane stuff that needs to be done or needs taken care off.

Evenings, I love at times. Sometimes it is calming as the day comes to an end. Sitting outside and watching dusk approach is a nice thing to do and listening to the day settling down is another beautiful thing. This is also the time when I do my meditation practice and sometimes my breathing routine. Calming down and clearing my mind is of the utmost importance before going to bed for a goodnight’s rest. Evenings are all about bringing the day to a close with intention and preparing myself for the rest that is to come. Sometimes it is my favorite time of day as well.

It changes from time to time and it all depends on what I have going on. Days without chaos, hustle and bustle and a constant churning of the mind on how to fix things, take care of things and bring things back to normal are not my favorite times. Take them out and you’ve got my favorite time of day!

Daily writing prompt

What’s your favorite time of day?

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My Motivational Factors

Nature motivates me. Being out in the open and surrounded by nature helps to motivate me to do better. The message is clear, everything has a time and place and you don’t need to push, pull or dare. It happens as it happens and that is my motivation to stand out in the open and to know that everything is being taken care off and I am where I need to be, nothing more, nothing less.

Workouts not only help to get me physically fit but it also helps my emotional fitness. The motivating factor is do better each time I get into the workout mode. I train my body and my mind to do its best and sometimes I walk away not only fatigued but full of energy, if that makes sense. Workouts have the ability to turn on the youth code meaning it keeps you young and your joints don’t stiffen up. All good things.

My favorite thing to do is to write and it can be just a post of what I’m thinking about, what has been bugging me or just some advice on how to do things better. The motivating factor here is to get my creative juices flowing. My mind has a nice workout and I come away with a clearer perspective of things.

Last but not least, Chachi, the cat. This little furball does more to motivate me than a lot of the other things. My life revolves around the little bugger and he is my little love. He helps me to see life as half-full vs. half-empty. Hugs, kisses, and purrs all go to make up his way of getting his mom to get up and do the things she needs to get done!

The things listed above help to motivate me and to keep my life moving in the right direction. I am looking for more ways to add to that motivating factor but for now, I am happy where I’m at.

Daily writing prompt

What motivates you?

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Disrespect (Archives)

It is defined as “insulting someone or displaying rude behavior by showing a lack of respect.”

Have you experienced it? I have and it is not a nice thing when faced with such behavior. There are three forms of disrespect. These are known as the passive, subtle and the blatant variety.

Passive disrespect is when someone is condescending, makes insulting insinuations, gives you the silent treatment, is sarcastic and doesn’t care if it is hurtful or not. How do you deal with this kind of disrespect?

Don’t take the bait and address the issue immediately.

Subtle disrespect is when someone mocks you, when they talk behind your back and they will pretend to have forgotten things you agreed on.

Show that it doesn’t affect you or decide if you want to engage. Name the disrespectful behavior you have observed and call them out on it. Have a conversation about it but do not lecture.

Blatant disrespect is the no holds barred variety. They go out of their way to deliberately undermine or demean you. Their actions are obvious and they don’t give a hoot if it hurts you.

Here again stay calm but it is hard to do. Use “I” statements when addressing the issue and ask for clarification. You can react with kindness but since that is almost impossible to do, call the person out on his or her behavior and set boundaries as to what you will or won’t tolerate.

If all else fails, you have the option of walking away and closing the door behind you. No one should put up with disrespect. Disrespect basically says, “You are not important and your feelings don’t matter to me.” The truth is, you are important and your feelings do matter. Do not tolerate disrespect of any kind.

Here are some quotes that speak to the heart of the matter:

“The best way to end disrespect is by not giving them a chance to do it again.” Unknown

“Disrespect is the weapon of the weak.” Alice Miller

“Wasting somebody’s time may be the highest form of disrespect.” Unknown

I like the next one a lot.

“Never let your heart be so forgiving that it gets comfortable with disrespect.” Unknown

“Don’t put up with disrespect just to keep them in your life.” Sonya Parker

“Be careful what you tolerate, you are teaching people how to treat you.” Unknown

This last one needs a plaque of its own!

Detox Your Life in 4 Easy Steps

Eliminate anyone who:

Lies to you

Disrespects you

Uses you or

Puts you down.

Have an amazing day.