personal-growth – Site Title

FOCUS

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It is one of the hardest things to do. You’ve got a plan in hand, all set to go, you take off and then you come to a screeching halt! What happened? Life did. Your focus is not on what you need to get done, the noise surrounding you is too loud, it is hard to concentrate and “giving up” is less work and easier to do. You are at a standstill not knowing which direction to take or worse still, you don’t have the energy to carry on.

“Starve your distractions, feed your focus.” Unknown

How do you starve your distractions? First, what are distractions? They are defined as, “things like technology (phones, social media, websites, YouTube, video games, Netflix), other people, or noises around you,” all vying for your attention and quite often they win.

“Stay focused on your goals and ignore the noise.” Unknown

Not easy to do, I know. I’ve let distractions get the better of me and what I could have achieved in a short amount of time took forever and a longer route to get there. You have a plan? If not, make one. You want to get somewhere? You’ve got to focus. Here’s the truth. If you don’t focus, you’re left by the wayside. Tony Robbins once said, “Your life is controlled by what you focus on.”

Focus on the good things and you get more of the same. Focus on doing better and you will. Focus on what’s in front of you and you’ll start moving forward.

FOCUS! FOCUS! FOCUS!

Oh, one more thing.

“You decide how to show up, and you’d better come correct: the way you look, what you say, how you act and react. No excuses! Get in front of the mirror and own what you see. You may have to drag your fabulousness out of hiding, but it’s there.” Alyssa Edwards

AND

“The more you focus on you, the better you become.” Unknown

Cut out the noise and the excuses. Zero in on what you want. You’re allowed to waver now and then but get back on track. FOCUS, and you’re halfway there, the rest needs work!

Have an amazing day.

Learn to Care Less (Archives)

“Life is 10 percent what you experience and 90 percent how you respond to it.” Dorothy M. Neddermeyer

Caring less about things maybe the easiest way to acquire happiness but how many of us do that? How often do we obsess about things we cannot change? More times than I can remember. How often do we let someone trigger something in us and we carry it around for days mulling over every word and detail to the point that nothing else matters but that one little problem but only by this time, it isn’t a small problem anymore but had morphed and become unsolvable! How many times have we let someone bring us down just because something hurtful was said and we take it to heart, handle it like a precious thing and let our self-esteem go to pieces? More times than I can count on my fingers.

Here’s the thing:

“The less you give a damn the happier you will be.” Unknown

Something happened yesterday and I took what was handed to me, went to my corner as I usually do and let it do a number on me! Happiness was nowhere to be seen and my piece of mind was in shambles at my feet. Even then, I refused to let go. I was like a dog with a bone until I stopped and decided to let go of what I was holding within and told myself that there was nothing I could do about the situation. No amount of anger, sadness and wishing, yes wishing was going to change it for the better. I took a deep breath and let it go….

“Stop asking why they keep doing it and start asking why you keep allowing it.” Unknown

That’s the problem isn’t it? We keep allowing things to happen and to hold us in its grasp. If only we could take away the power from the problem at hand and learn to look at it with detachment versus with both feet smack dap in the middle! Learning to care less takes practice especially if you’re the type who cares too much about anything and everything.

LET IT GO……and learn to relax. Problems do have a way of righting themselves out and sometimes with very little help from you. Give it some time, give it some space but most of all, don’t hug it close to your heart. Learn to care less and you’ll be less stressed at and with life. This doesn’t mean being a less caring person it just means picking your battles carefully and when you do, be prepared to look at them with less emotion. Step back and go to work but not with guns blazing! I have to remind myself of this too.

ONE DAY IT JUST CLICKS

“You realize what’s important and what isn’t. You learn to care less about what others think of you and more about what you think of yourself. You realize how far you’ve come and you remember when you thought things were such a mess that you would never recover and you smile. You smile because you are truly proud of yourself and the person you’ve fought to become.”

Have an amazing day.

LIMITLESS (Archives)

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“There is one grand lie – that we are limited. The only limits we have are the limits we believe.” Wayne Dyer

Do you feel smaller than you are or have you made yourself to feel that way? Did one careless word, a disdainful look or one mean retort shrink you down to size? Did you believe those lies willingly? Often, we take those lies thrown in our direction and run with them and we come up with more lies. I am not worthy, I am not enough, I am not equipped to deal with whatever life throws my way and I just can’t! That last one is my mantra. I CAN’T!

YOU ARE LIMITLESS

“The most powerful words in the universe are the words you say to yourself.” Unknown

Be careful of what you say to yourself. Limiting beliefs are just that, they stop you from achieving or moving towards the goals you want to achieve. Words and phrases like, I’m not beautiful, I’m not good enough, I’m not intelligent enough and I’m not worthy enough but perhaps the most damaging is, “I don’t deserve it.” Limiting words stop us in our treks and they stop us from achieving our goals. Be careful of what you tell yourself because YOU ARE LISTENING! Let’s change the narrative and put a positive spin on things.

SAY:

I AM LIMITLESS AND I BELIEVE I AM!

“Your potential is limitless. You are unique, valuable, capable and worthy of the dreams in your heart. Most of all, you have what it takes to transform and transcend whatever challenges you face.” Marie Forleo

YOU, my friend, are limitless. There is a vast limitless potential within you. You have everything within you to soar as high as you want. You have the ability to climb the highest mountain and to make it to the very top. In order to get there, you have to change what you tell yourself because you are made of stronger stuff. YOU can fly if you want to. Change your mindset, do the work and the rest will fall in place.

YOU ARE LIMITLESS!

Have an amazing day.

Mistakes (Archives)

“You can pickup a mistake and carry it as a burden, or you can set it down and use it as a stepping stone to greatness.” Unknown

It has been said that a mistake is usually “an action, decision, or judgement that produces an unwanted or unintentional results.” Quite often than not, the unintentional results can be painful, it makes us doubt ourselves and our judgement of others. It also means that the outcome did not meet our expectations. Therefore, it was time wasted or more appropriately it was an investment that did not put forth what it was meant to do.

There are different kinds of mistakes. It can be related to cheating on a partner, allowing people to push you around, dating or marrying the wrong person, refusing to listen to good advice or quite simply a frivolous disregard to what is staring you in the face. It’s there as plain as day, it is clear that it’s a mistake to carry on and yet because of the time and energy spent in chasing that dream, whatever it maybe for you, we refuse to call it quits and move on. We refuse to accept it as a lesson learned or as a stepping stone to something better.

“A mistake that keeps being repeated is not a mistake, it’s a choice.” Unknown

Just like it is in Groundhog’s Day, we see a “series of unwelcome or tedious events appear to be recurring in exactly the same way,” and this is not only boring and irritating but it’s time to get off that emotional roller coaster and head for greener pastures. The choices we make are hard at times. I know that quite often I am stuck on redial. I know that I should hang up and start anew but the human side or rather the foolish side wants to hang on for just a while longer knowing full well that I should count it as a lost cause, sunken cost as they say in business, take the lesson learned with me and make the decision to not do it ever again. Sunk costs basically means “that costs have been incurred by past actions and they cannot be recovered and they are not relevant to our future decisions,” and yet we choose to repeat it over and over again. I am human, I say, but that is putting it mildly!

Perhaps, it would be easier if we can forget the mistakes but remember the lessons we’ve learned from our walks into the big wide world of MISTAKES LAND and believe me it is a jungle out there. We’ve all made them, we’ll continue to make them and more likely than not we’ll rush in with our eyes wide open BUT it is the picking up, dusting off and the moving on bit that matters here. Here’s to mistakes both big and small. Bring them on!

“When you make a mistake, there are only three things you should ever do about it: admit it, learn from it, and don’t repeat it.” Paul Bear Bryant

From your lips to God’s ears!

Have an amazing Sunday.

Stay Calm, Stay Focused (Archives)

Staying calm and focused when your mind tells you otherwise is normal. It is human nature. My mind goes haywire and jumps around like a monkey when I’m stressed or I have to concentrate on what is before me and what needs to get done. Oftentimes I need to take a step back, go within myself to find the strength and to focus on what I need to do to move on. It doesn’t always work but it does work if I stay focused.

“The ability to remain calm and focused on what truly matters is a superpower.” Unknown

Be like the tree that has weathered many storms and is still standing. It takes practice and a certain kind of mindset to weather a storm, any storm. If you’ve never worked a day in your life and the time has come to find a job, to get independent and to stand on your own two feet, you tend to lose focus because the unknown is formidable. However, with each fall you take, you gain the strength and the know how to get back up and to keep moving. Time, focus, calm and lots of practice makes it possible and soon you will be standing like that tree, strong and unshakeable in any storm. Breathe and keep moving. Standing still is never the answer.

“Breathe darling. This is just a chapter. It’s not your whole story.” S. C. Lourie

Stay focused but not on the wrong things. I can’t do this is not one of them. This is way too scary is not one of them. The ‘monster’ is too hard to slay is not one of them. Focus on finding the positive within the negative. Be prepared to put one foot in front of the other but whatever you do, do not take the easy way out or rather the coward’s way out and give up. It is easy to give up but much harder to step into an unknown arena and to win the day. YOU CAN DO THIS!

“Sometimes you need to slow down, remain calm, and simply let life happen. Take a deep breathe and focus on the simple important things: you are alive, you are breathing, you are enough as you are. You got this.” Unknown

Finally, tell the monkey in your brain that keeps dragging you all over the place with no end in sight to take a hike! Breathe, calm yourself down and stay focus on what you need to do to make it. YOU’VE GOT THIS!

Have an amazing day.

Principled

I don’t know if being principled is a good trait since it has caused unnecessary pain in times past because I refused to stray from what I thought was right and being rigid and principled sometimes means that you get the short end of the stick as well.

We live in a world where “principles” are not as important as they use to be. Bending the rules to suit your needs has become part and parcel of behavior in today’s society. However, I have held on steadfastly to my principles.

The good thing about being principled is that you are committed to integrity, honesty and you are responsible in your actions . There is a certain moral compass that enables you to come across as a trustworthy and reliable person. The bad thing? It can be a hindrance because people may view you as a person who has a stick so far up the you know what that there is no getting you to see their side of things. Been there, done that, and I continue to do that!

However, it is their opinion. I like being principled and there are certain things I will stand for and others absolutely not.

Spinster for life? Who knows only time will tell. I might be like that captain who went down with his ship bearing full responsibility for the vessel, only I will be holding onto my principles till the very end!

Daily writing prompt

What’s the trait you value most about yourself?

View all responses

Brene Brown (Archives)

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She is the author of six #1 New York Times bestsellers and is the host of two award-winning podcasts, Unlocking Us and Dare to Lead. The lady has spent two decades studying courage, vulnerability, shame and empathy. Her advice for life is, “Don’t let fear stop you.” Here are some of her quotes that will take you on a journey of self-discovery. Enjoy.

“Authencity is not something we have or don’t have. It’s a practice – a conscious choice of how we want to live.”

“Trust is not built in big, sweeping moments. It’s built in tiny moments every day.”

“Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”

“The truth is that falling hurts. The dare is to keep being brave and feel your way back up.”

“Here’s what I think integrity is: It’s choosing courage over comfort, choosing what’s right over what’s fun, fast, or easy, and practicing your values.”

“Empathy has no script. There is not a right way or wrong way to do it. It’s simply listening, holding space, withholding judgment, emotionally connecting, and communicating that incredibly healing message of, “You’re not alone.”

“I don’t have to chase extraordinary moments to find happiness – it’s right in front of me if I’m paying attention and practicing gratitude.”

“Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.”

“When we have the courage to walk into our story and own it, we get to write the ending.”

AND

“At the end of day, at the end of the week, at the end of my life, I want to say that I contributed more than I criticized.”

Have an amazing day.

PEACE

What is peace? It is not only the absence of war but there is this other kind that is of the utmost importance to some of us. The personal kind where a state of “calmness, inner quiet, and freedom from stress, anxiety, or internal emotional conflict,” reigns supreme. This form of peace is hard to achieve and even when we do find it, it is usually temporary and doesn’t last for long.

I had every intention of embracing peace and tranquility in my life yesterday but it took but one person to smash it to pieces. What happened? It is not important what it was about but it is important that I let that person control how I reacted and responded to what he had to say. I found that the rest of my day was ruined and no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t get back to where I had started from. One of peace and tranquility.

The following quotes speak to the heart of the matter and on how to find that state of unshakeable peace one that remains regardless of whatever happens around you.

“Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace.” Dalai Lama

I let someone else’s insensitivity and utter carelessness shake what I had built piece by piece. Time to take note and do it differently.

“Nature is the purest portal to inner peace.” Angie Weiland-Crosby

I agree totally. Nature is my sanctuary in moments of stress and chaos and it never fails to soothe and to calm my frazzled nerves.

“Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.” Pema Chodron

I did exactly that yesterday, I let someone else control my emotions.

“Let go of thoughts that don’t make you strong.” Karen Salmanshon

Thoughts like you are not enough, you are not strong enough and you can’t do it! These are all geared to bring you down and make you smaller than you are.

“Be like a tree and let the dead leaves drop.” Rumi

This is beautiful. Why hold on when you know that it is dead. Let go and move on.

“Be selective with your battles. Sometimes peace is better than being right.” Unknown

Says it all.

“Welcome to your new era where you prioritize your peace over everything.” Unknown

How do you achieve peace?

According to one source, “to achieve peace, practice mindfulness through meditation and focusing on the present, and cultivate positive habits like gratitude, self-care, and by connecting with nature.”

Most of all, stop letting people rattle you because they know they can. Approach a situation with caution and if you sense that your peace of mind is being taken for a ride, LET GO and move on. Don’t forget to shut the door behind you!

Have an amazing day.

THE JOURNEY (Archives)

Edmund Hillary once said, “It is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves.” There is much truth in that one statement. In order to conquer the mountain, metaphorically speaking, we have to conquer ourselves first.

More often than not, we place lines and boundaries around ourselves that stop us from moving forward, both knowingly and unknowingly. I have talked about the stories we tell ourselves in another article and it still stands true. The narratives we tell keeps us from achieving goals we set for ourselves. We say, “I can’t,” which is often the first response. What if we changed that narrative to, “I can.” Worth trying?

The thing I need to conquer first and foremost is fear. This four-letter word has kept me from achieving so much in my life. Whatever comes my way is usually DOA because fear steps in and tells me why I am incapable of doing something which might sound rational at the time but it is usually only in my head. The fear factor has kept me safe BUT it has also stopped me from experiencing life at its fullest. I know I need to break out of the well-insulated cocoon I am in and test the waters, or at least to get my feet wet. Not saying you should throw caution to the wind but talking about those small steps to conquer that mountain called life.

“Each of us must confront our own fears, must come face to face with them. How we handle our fears will determine where we go with the rest of our lives. To experience adventure or to be limited by the fear of it.” Judy Blume

Overcoming obstacles is next in line. My first reaction to any obstacle is to cringe and than I tend to shy away from it. Perhaps normal behavior in the grand scheme of things but it would be so much easier if I looked at it, whatever it is, in the eye and made a conscious decision to break it down to what it really is. Most times, it is a wrinkle rather than a mountain that I in my innate human self make it out to be. I am learning but it takes time.

“Obstacles are like wild animals. They are cowards but they will bluff you if they can. If they see you are afraid of them….they are able to spring upon you; but if you look them squarely in the eye, they will slink out of sight.” Orison Swett Marden.

Acceptance is hard and most times I go through an almost impossible obstacle course of my own making before I can say, “It’s going to be alright. I have accepted the unchangeable and it is time to move on.” This step never comes easily and it takes time but that again is the intricate ways of life or simply of my own choosing. The important thing is that I am learning to accept and to let go instead of giving up and kow-towing to defeat. I want to get to the top of the mountain with bells ringing and with my sanity intact! I still have a long ways to go but I am making progress.

“Acceptance doesn’t mean resignation; it means understanding that something is what it is and that there’s got to be a way through it.” Michael J. Fox

However, there is no point in setting out on a journey when there are no clear cut goals because running around in circles is a waste of time and having the courage to know and accept what is needed to make that journey is the way to go. Start with yourself. Be strong enough to get rid of what is not needed, set your focus and start moving to the end goal. Light up your soul, eradicate the stumbling blocks of which there are many I am sure, move with purpose and look towards the path in front of you, one small step at a time. This is exactly what I plan to do.

“Aim for the sky, but move slowly, enjoying every step along the way, it is all those little steps that make the journey complete.” Unknown

Have an amazing day.

I AM LEARNING (Archives)

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I am learning that each new day is a reminder to do better.

I am learning that I am fully capable of dealing with everything life throws my way.

I am learning that I need to practice gratefulness and to be thankful for all that I have.

I am learning to accept me as I am and to make changes if some of those things don’t work to my greater good.

I am learning to let go of things that don’t serve me and I am making room for those that do.

I am learning that I can’t change people, I can only change myself.

I am learning that life is a journey full of ups and downs and nothing stays the same forever.

I am learning that there is no such thing as forever, just the here and now.

I am learning that love is fleeting at its best and at its worst, it has the potential to turn your world upside down and inside out. Tread carefully.

I am learning that cheaters never change. They are repeat offenders. Integrity is just another word to them. A relationship with such an individual is like throwing pearls at pigs.

I am learning that today is a blessing, a gift and I have it in my power to make it an amazing day.

I am learning that life is ever-changing. It is a learning curve and mistakes are made to show us a new way of handling things and to learn and to grow from them. Perhaps that is what life is all about.

“But most of all, I am slowly learning how to just be in this moment. How to exist. How to understand that I cannot control life, that I can only experience it in both its light and its dark stages. I am slowly learning how to laugh and cry and feel through it all, how to welcome the confusion and the joy that come with loving and living and breaking. I am slowly learning how to accept where I am”

“I am slowly learning how to simply believe in the person I am becoming.” Unknown

HAVE AN AMAZING DAY!