self-improvement – Site Title

Be Proud of Yourself

Are you proud of yourself? Is it pride you feel when you think of who you are as a person? Have you taken timeout to look at all the accomplishments you’ve achieved or do you beat yourself down with all the negatives, both real and the made-up ones, every chance you get? If you step back and really look at yourself, I’m sure you’ll find many instances where you’ve achieved more than most people. All of those things demanded mammoth strength to overcome and ones that really deserved a pat on your back but you let it pass because you were too busy doing this.

“Instead of wishing you were someone else, be proud of who you are. You never know who was looking at you wishing they were you.” Unknown

No way?!! Believe me, there are plenty of people out there who will gladly step into your shoes and will want to walk a mile in them. People who are worse off than you, ones who haven’t achieved half of what you’ve done and just like you, hoping and wishing they had better shoes to fill. Be proud of yourself. You’ve come a long ways and you can do the impossible if you set your mind to it.

“When you feel insecure or like you don’t measure up, remind yourself of how far you’ve come. And in that moment, you’ll realize you’ve climbed mountains and can overcome anything.” Brittany Burgunder

Oh, but there are too many scars, too much pain, too much inadequacy when compared to someone else. I’ve had more than my share of problems to carry, like a yoke on my shoulders. How can I be proud of myself when “life” keeps pushing me down?

“Be proud of your scars. They have everything to do with your strength, and what you’ve endured. They’re a treasure map to the deep self.” Clarissa Pinkola Estes

That deep self is where you thrive. You see the strength, the courage, the determination to survive and it has brought you to where you are now. Be proud of yourself because you, my friend, are unique. You are beautiful, you are strong and you are capable of handling everything life throws your way. The good, the bad, the ugly, and the insurmountable. Pat yourself on the back even if no one else does and keep moving forward and while you’re doing that remind yourself of this.

“Stop letting other people define you, be yourself and be proud of it.” Unknown

One more for good measure.

“BE SOMEONE YOU WOULD BE PROUD TO KNOW.” Unknown

Have an amazing and beautiful day.

Limiting Beliefs

“The only limits that exist are the ones in your own mind.” Unknown

A limiting belief is defined as,”a state of mind or belief about yourself that restricts you in some way. And these beliefs are often false accusations you make about yourself that can cause many negative results. Essentially, they are the lies you tell yourself, and if you allow them to continue, they define you.” http://www.linkedin.com

We all have them and we use them to define who we are as a person and what we are capable of achieving. Most of these beliefs carry negative connotations and they are designed to keep us from moving ahead in life. Here are some of them.

I am not good enough! This one is very familiar at least to yours truly. Quite often, I use this as my mantra to keep me in my rabbit hole. I venture out to take a peek and then I rush back into the hole where I am most comfortable. If I could, I would stay there forever but than again even rabbits come out to play from time to time and to observe life as it passes by. Partake or not, that is up to you. What does, “I’m not good enough,” really mean? It is a mindset that is well-ingrained into your psyche and once it has taken hold, it is next to impossible to get rid off. Perhaps changing the negative to the positive might help. I AM GOOD ENOUGH! Say that often enough and it might just give that not so friendly sod, a heave and a ho and send it packing.

“Limiting Beliefs have one goal…..to keep you from leaving your Comfort Cave so you can’t grow and reach your greatest potential.” Unknown

I don’t have enough time…..this is another crippling lie and it is not true. If you look at the amount of time we waste propped up in front of the TV or sitting hunched over our lap top doing nothing much except to let these two gadgets dictate how we spend our time and nothing more. Truth is, you and I know that we have the time to do better things. We just need to do less of one and more of the things that contribute to our lives and crush those limiting beliefs that keep us from achieving our goals.

The next lie is one that loves to keep you in your place. If only I was taller, prettier, skinnier…..the list goes on and you get the drift. This one is designed to shrink you to 1/2 or a 1/4 of the size you actually are. Each time you repeat and accept this mantra in your head, you see this short, fat and ugly person staring back at you. It is not the reality but one you’ve chosen to accept as your reality. You, no matter what your size, height, weight or looks have just as much to offer this world than the other person. Pat yourself on the back and go conquer the world! I heard a saying once that goes like this. “Walk in like God sent you!”A good one to hold close to your chest and to pull out at those moments when you feel lacking or feeling smaller than you actually are.

Limiting beliefs need constant work. They are not easy to overcome but with time, effort and a conscious effort to defeat them, you’ll find yourself on the other side of the fence, the one that is more positive and forgiving but if nothing helps than perhaps this will.

“Do the uncomfortable. Become comfortable with these acts. Prove to yourself that your limiting beliefs die a quick death if you will simply do what you feel uncomfortable doing.” Darren Rowse

Have an amazing Sunday.

Change

“Your new life is going to cost you your old one.

It’s going to cost you your comfort zone and your sense of direction.

It’s going to cost you relationships and friends. It’s going to cost you being liked, and understood. But it doesn’t matter. Because the people who are meant for you are going to meet you on the other side. And you’re going to build a new comfort zone around the things that actually move you forward.

And instead of liked, you’re going to be loved. Instead of understood, you’re going to be seen. All you’re going to lose is what was built for a person you no longer are. Let it go.” Brianna West

Change is never-ending. It is scary but it brings you one step closer to who or what you want to be. It moves you out of your comfort zone and at times it will feel like you are being thrown into the deep end of the pool, sink or swim is your choice. I hope you swim.

Looking back at my life and the things that have held me back, I realize much of it was tied in with stupidity and emotions I could have done without. I could have learned the lessons in a shorter period of time instead of dragging it on but I didn’t.

This thing called love could have been easier on me. I could have made it easier but I wasn’t strong enough. I was in a vulnerable state and it seemed to attract the wrong types because vulnerability is often an invitation which says, “Here I am, come break me!” I should have walked when I saw that it was a foregone conclusion and my holding on would not change the outcome. It never did. I will do better I promise myself. I will let go when I see the truth staring me in the face and walk away with my dignity intact and with my heart back in my chest. I will let go before it drags me down to where I often find myself, right down at ground zero but the changes took a long time coming.

I am stronger today than I was yesterday. My heart still speaks the language of love but it no longer speaks stupid. This journey I am on has changed me. The weak or vulnerable one has been replaced with one who is confident, capable and someone who knows who she is and what she wants out of life. Something inside me screams, “I am woman, hear me roar!” Scary? Well, if you’re the type of man I am accustomed to, then you should be. I am looking to be loved but with eyes open this time. Working on myself is a mindful and daily affair and when I finally step out of my comfort zone, the journey will be complete but change is a lifelong journey and it will be a never-ending one. I can handle it I tell myself because I am no longer who I used to be.

“A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.” James Keller

Have an amazing day.

Trust the Journey (Archives)

Mental Note:

Trust your journey.

“No matter how many detours we take or delays we encounter, we will always be led back to where we’re meant to be.” Nicole Spindler

Beautifully said but trusting the journey you’re on is hard and accepting that everything will turn out for the best is harder still. Humans want control of the situation or at least I do. I don’t like the idea of some unseen force manipulating the outcome and that is a frightening concept for me. However, if truth be told, perhaps there is no other way. You’ve heard the saying, if it is meant to be, it will be and what if we just let go and let it unfold as it was meant to be. A doable thing? Speaking from my standpoint, that is next to impossible for me.

“Don’t let what happens or what doesn’t happen bother you. Life has a way of rearranging perfectly so that what you truly need can come together.” Unknown

If I step aside that is. My problem is that I want to know what is coming up or what life has in store for me before it comes up. I spend a lot of time overthinking the negatives even before it has happened but that is human nature I suppose. Much of my time is wasted on projections that never take place and if and when it happens I am fully capable of handling the outcome.

Trusting the journey I am on demands that I accept what comes my way. “Be quiet” whispers the all-knowing power of the unknown, the universe or God in his wisdom or whatever you believe in. It says, “Let me work this out for you, I’ve got this and you need to trust in the journey. You’ll be fine.” The untrusting part within screams, “I’m afraid! What if I fail or I fall flat on my face or there is no getting up from this?” That too is human nature.

“Sometimes the strength within you is not a big fiery flame for all to see, it is just a tiny spark that whispers softly, “You got this, keep going.” Unknown

Perhaps, trusting the journey is not about rushing, not pushing and shoving and not about stomping your feet and demanding but that it is more about accepting that everything is being worked out behind the scenes and you just need to sit back and accept and know that the outcome will be exactly as it was meant to be. It doesn’t mean you have to stop working on yourself, putting effort out on what needs to be done and making your way through life, it means knowing that there is a higher force who is on your side. Not so simple? I know, it isn’t for me either. What if there is a higher power working on your behalf and it has got your back? Wonderful don’t you think? Now, I just need to trust in that concept. Good luck you say? I know but it’s worth a try.

“Trust the process, trust your journey. You are going TO BE OKAY.” Unknown

Have an amazing day.

You vs. You (Archives)

“It’s you versus you. Meaning you’re the only thing standing in your way.” Amber Tamblyn

The battle lines are often drawn when it comes to facing life’s adversities, difficulties and the unknown. How often do you say, “This is too hard to handle or I can’t do this!” Life’s uncertainties are often met with, I am unworthy, I am too small, I am insignificant, I am not pretty enough, I am not capable, I am not enough and so on. We come up with so many excuses as to why we can’t achieve something or why it is impossible but if truth be told, we make mountains out of molehills. I often point my fingers at everything but myself. I become small and that problem, whatever it is, changes shape and becomes a mountain. It doesn’t matter that the mountain is of my own making, it’s there and it seems insurmountable.

What if we take a step back and view it from a different angle? Is it still insurmountable? How about if we changed our mindset to one of “I can” instead of “I can’t?” I know some problems are huge and they remain huge no matter which way you look at it but there are others that become that way because the “you” the negative “you” sees it that way and so it looms larger than life and once that negative mindset takes hold, it is all downhill from there. I’ve started looking at problems as just that. They are problems yes but I’ve decided to downsize them. I give them a cursory glance at first then I break it down into pieces and tackle it that way. Gone are the days of heart-thumping and end-of-the-world theatrics. No, it hasn’t made the problem any less of a problem but breaking it down does make it more manageable. Perhaps we need to remember it is not you vs. you but YOU working with you to come up with a solution, one that is workable.

It has been said you are your own worst enemy but what if you become your own best friend? Wouldn’t life be so much easier not to mention simpler? Here are some tips on how to do exactly that from the mindful.org.

When you look at the mirror, appreciate the unique person staring back at you – there’s never been another you!

When you talk to yourself, be friendly! Be understanding! NEVER BE MEAN!

When you need lovin’, give yourself a self-hug. Don’t knock it ’till you try it!

Don’t be shy to use your name and tell yourself that you love you.

Make a date with yourself to do something kind and caring.

Make yourself laugh.

Take time for contemplative practices that help you stay tuned in to your body, mind and emotions so that you might always be able to access your inner wisdom.

Idowu Koyenikan had this to say about problems.

“Mountains are only a problem when they are bigger than you. You should develop yourself so much that you become bigger than the mountains you face.”

If all else fails, you can give the “you” that is causing you problems a boot out the door! That should do it. Easier said than done I know and finally, YOU ARE ENOUGH AS YOU ARE so don’t underestimate yourself.

Have an amazing day.

FOCUS

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

It is one of the hardest things to do. You’ve got a plan in hand, all set to go, you take off and then you come to a screeching halt! What happened? Life did. Your focus is not on what you need to get done, the noise surrounding you is too loud, it is hard to concentrate and “giving up” is less work and easier to do. You are at a standstill not knowing which direction to take or worse still, you don’t have the energy to carry on.

“Starve your distractions, feed your focus.” Unknown

How do you starve your distractions? First, what are distractions? They are defined as, “things like technology (phones, social media, websites, YouTube, video games, Netflix), other people, or noises around you,” all vying for your attention and quite often they win.

“Stay focused on your goals and ignore the noise.” Unknown

Not easy to do, I know. I’ve let distractions get the better of me and what I could have achieved in a short amount of time took forever and a longer route to get there. You have a plan? If not, make one. You want to get somewhere? You’ve got to focus. Here’s the truth. If you don’t focus, you’re left by the wayside. Tony Robbins once said, “Your life is controlled by what you focus on.”

Focus on the good things and you get more of the same. Focus on doing better and you will. Focus on what’s in front of you and you’ll start moving forward.

FOCUS! FOCUS! FOCUS!

Oh, one more thing.

“You decide how to show up, and you’d better come correct: the way you look, what you say, how you act and react. No excuses! Get in front of the mirror and own what you see. You may have to drag your fabulousness out of hiding, but it’s there.” Alyssa Edwards

AND

“The more you focus on you, the better you become.” Unknown

Cut out the noise and the excuses. Zero in on what you want. You’re allowed to waver now and then but get back on track. FOCUS, and you’re halfway there, the rest needs work!

Have an amazing day.

Mistakes (Archives)

“You can pickup a mistake and carry it as a burden, or you can set it down and use it as a stepping stone to greatness.” Unknown

It has been said that a mistake is usually “an action, decision, or judgement that produces an unwanted or unintentional results.” Quite often than not, the unintentional results can be painful, it makes us doubt ourselves and our judgement of others. It also means that the outcome did not meet our expectations. Therefore, it was time wasted or more appropriately it was an investment that did not put forth what it was meant to do.

There are different kinds of mistakes. It can be related to cheating on a partner, allowing people to push you around, dating or marrying the wrong person, refusing to listen to good advice or quite simply a frivolous disregard to what is staring you in the face. It’s there as plain as day, it is clear that it’s a mistake to carry on and yet because of the time and energy spent in chasing that dream, whatever it maybe for you, we refuse to call it quits and move on. We refuse to accept it as a lesson learned or as a stepping stone to something better.

“A mistake that keeps being repeated is not a mistake, it’s a choice.” Unknown

Just like it is in Groundhog’s Day, we see a “series of unwelcome or tedious events appear to be recurring in exactly the same way,” and this is not only boring and irritating but it’s time to get off that emotional roller coaster and head for greener pastures. The choices we make are hard at times. I know that quite often I am stuck on redial. I know that I should hang up and start anew but the human side or rather the foolish side wants to hang on for just a while longer knowing full well that I should count it as a lost cause, sunken cost as they say in business, take the lesson learned with me and make the decision to not do it ever again. Sunk costs basically means “that costs have been incurred by past actions and they cannot be recovered and they are not relevant to our future decisions,” and yet we choose to repeat it over and over again. I am human, I say, but that is putting it mildly!

Perhaps, it would be easier if we can forget the mistakes but remember the lessons we’ve learned from our walks into the big wide world of MISTAKES LAND and believe me it is a jungle out there. We’ve all made them, we’ll continue to make them and more likely than not we’ll rush in with our eyes wide open BUT it is the picking up, dusting off and the moving on bit that matters here. Here’s to mistakes both big and small. Bring them on!

“When you make a mistake, there are only three things you should ever do about it: admit it, learn from it, and don’t repeat it.” Paul Bear Bryant

From your lips to God’s ears!

Have an amazing Sunday.

Five Ways to Transform (Archives)

If you’re looking for ways to transform your life, here are five tips that will get you on your way. These five rules come from Buddhist teachings and if applied daily and in the mornings before your daily grind starts or even before having your first cup of coffee, they will help you to see life in a different light. I’ve been practicing these five rules for about a week now and it has made me calmer, more in tune with myself and believe it or not, my mind is under control as well!

Find a quiet spot and take three deep breaths to center yourself. Repeat each affirmation two or three times to let it sink in and take hold.

I am grateful for this new day.

Really simple but not so simple for some of us. Gratefulness needs to be learned and if practiced daily, it can transform your life in a positive way. Come up with one or two things you are grateful for and go from there.

Let go of yesterday.

This is a hard one. How often do we carry “yesterday” and all its disappointments, anger and sadness like an albatross around our necks? More often than not is the answer. Let go and let yesterday lie where it should. It is done with and today is a brand new day to make it all better.

I am calm and in control of my mind.

It has been said, “Rule your mind or it will rule you.” This simply means, “you have the power to train your thoughts and control your mental state, rather then being controlled by your thoughts and emotions.” Be in the present and use conscious effort to train your mind to shape the thoughts you entertain. “Nothing can harm you as much as your own thoughts unguarded.” Guard them with care.

I will respond with kindness today.

Listen without judgment or interruption. Show appreciation for the people around you and an act of goodwill doesn’t hurt either. Wear a smile while you’re doing it and change the world one act at a time.

Everything is temporary.

Know that change is inevitable, it will come whether you want it or not. Nothing is forever except change so learn to let go when it happens. Accepting impermanence can help you to appreciate the present moment and adjust to new situations as they happen.

Five rules to live by but it takes practice to get it down pat and to apply it to your life. Not easy but with practice it is doable. Good luck and see you on the other side of a life well-lived! 👍

Have an amazing day.

THE JOURNEY (Archives)

Edmund Hillary once said, “It is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves.” There is much truth in that one statement. In order to conquer the mountain, metaphorically speaking, we have to conquer ourselves first.

More often than not, we place lines and boundaries around ourselves that stop us from moving forward, both knowingly and unknowingly. I have talked about the stories we tell ourselves in another article and it still stands true. The narratives we tell keeps us from achieving goals we set for ourselves. We say, “I can’t,” which is often the first response. What if we changed that narrative to, “I can.” Worth trying?

The thing I need to conquer first and foremost is fear. This four-letter word has kept me from achieving so much in my life. Whatever comes my way is usually DOA because fear steps in and tells me why I am incapable of doing something which might sound rational at the time but it is usually only in my head. The fear factor has kept me safe BUT it has also stopped me from experiencing life at its fullest. I know I need to break out of the well-insulated cocoon I am in and test the waters, or at least to get my feet wet. Not saying you should throw caution to the wind but talking about those small steps to conquer that mountain called life.

“Each of us must confront our own fears, must come face to face with them. How we handle our fears will determine where we go with the rest of our lives. To experience adventure or to be limited by the fear of it.” Judy Blume

Overcoming obstacles is next in line. My first reaction to any obstacle is to cringe and than I tend to shy away from it. Perhaps normal behavior in the grand scheme of things but it would be so much easier if I looked at it, whatever it is, in the eye and made a conscious decision to break it down to what it really is. Most times, it is a wrinkle rather than a mountain that I in my innate human self make it out to be. I am learning but it takes time.

“Obstacles are like wild animals. They are cowards but they will bluff you if they can. If they see you are afraid of them….they are able to spring upon you; but if you look them squarely in the eye, they will slink out of sight.” Orison Swett Marden.

Acceptance is hard and most times I go through an almost impossible obstacle course of my own making before I can say, “It’s going to be alright. I have accepted the unchangeable and it is time to move on.” This step never comes easily and it takes time but that again is the intricate ways of life or simply of my own choosing. The important thing is that I am learning to accept and to let go instead of giving up and kow-towing to defeat. I want to get to the top of the mountain with bells ringing and with my sanity intact! I still have a long ways to go but I am making progress.

“Acceptance doesn’t mean resignation; it means understanding that something is what it is and that there’s got to be a way through it.” Michael J. Fox

However, there is no point in setting out on a journey when there are no clear cut goals because running around in circles is a waste of time and having the courage to know and accept what is needed to make that journey is the way to go. Start with yourself. Be strong enough to get rid of what is not needed, set your focus and start moving to the end goal. Light up your soul, eradicate the stumbling blocks of which there are many I am sure, move with purpose and look towards the path in front of you, one small step at a time. This is exactly what I plan to do.

“Aim for the sky, but move slowly, enjoying every step along the way, it is all those little steps that make the journey complete.” Unknown

Have an amazing day.

Mistakes

We’ve all made them. Big ones, small ones and the in-between ones. Some are insignificant and others, well, they can turn your world upside down and leave you gasping for air! Some mistakes teach us lessons and others help us to see and act better the next time around. When all is said and done, mistakes are a part of life and a life without mistakes, well, it just means a life without new experiences.

Here are some poignant quotes that speak to the heart of the matter:

“When you make a mistake, there are only three things you should ever do about it: admit it, learn from it, and don’t repeat it. Paul Bear Bryant

Not that easy right? I admit sometimes it is next to impossible not to repeat it because we as humans are wired a certain way and we love rubbing noses with MISTAKES!

“Mistakes have the power to turn you into something better than you were before.” Unknown

True but there is a hell of a lot you have to do before that happens.

“You can never make the same mistake twice because the second time you make it, it’s not a mistake, it’s a choice.” Steven Denn

I’ve made those “choices” many times over!

“You can pick up a mistake and carry it as a burden; or you can set it down and use it a stepping stone to greatness.” Unknown

I’m still waiting for the “greatness” part to happen!

“Don’t carry your mistakes around with you, instead, place them under your feet and use them as stepping stones.” Unknown

Exactly what I’m doing.

“You must be big enough to admit your mistakes, smart enough to learn from them, and strong enough to correct them.” John C. Maxwell

That last part is what I’m having trouble with!

“The most valuable thing you can make is a mistake – you can’t learn anything from being perfect.” Adam Osborne

True but who wants to be perfect? Cut out the mistakes please!

“Mistakes made in life are our lessons in disguise, and sometimes, the best lessons learned, came from the worse ‘mistakes’ made.” Unknown

I can whole-heartedly attest to that one.

AND

“I’ve learned so much from my mistakes, I’m thinking of making a few more.” Unknown

Hear the sarcasm coming through?

Have an amazing day.