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When Silence Speaks (Archives)

Sometimes we think that silence is just that, a certain quietness where nothing happens. It is a void that is soothing but nothing much comes out of it. I beg to differ. I have found that if you listen carefully, “silence” has much to say.

“It’s been said that actions speak louder than words, sometimes, it’s what you don’t say or do, that sends the loudest message.” Carlos Wallace

Quite often when something doesn’t go our way and we are hurt by another’s words or actions, the first reaction is to let it rip. Let it all out and show them how you feel and during those moments, words are aplenty and so are emotions. However, when all is said and done and you are wrung dry, more often than not you realize that you didn’t achieve anything through those outbursts of the unsavory kind.

“Once you’ve matured, you realize silence is more powerful than proving a point.” Unknown

Maturity doesn’t show up wearing bells and it does not say, “Here I am, take me and use me.” It shows up when you least expect it and when you’ve gone though the growing up process. The one that takes you on the ups and downs, the one where you find yourself down on your knees and the one that shows you there is a better way of doing things without going ballistic. It is the quiet gentle knowledge of knowing that you deserve better and you will move on with grace. No shouting or being loud needed.

“And suddenly I stopped explaining, stopped fixing, and just moved on. I learned that silence speaks louder than words. No response is a response. Now, I don’t chase. I don’t care and I let people feel the weight of their own choices.” Unknown

Easier said than done? I know because I’ve been there. Things are hard and life is harder still but learning to navigate choppy waters is a must if you want life to let up on you. If something doesn’t go your way, take it in stride. If someone doesn’t choose you, let him or her go. If life isn’t going like it’s supposed to, stop, take note, and then move on knowing that whatever it is that life throws your way, you are fully capable of handling it. Let silence be your guide and your best friend. There is much to be learned during your bout with silence if you’ll only listen.

“Silence is not empty, it is the loudest answer.” Unknown

Not only that, it gives you the ability to get your message across WITHOUT SAYING A WORD!

Try it the next time you want to let someone have what is coming to them or you are chomping at the bit to say your piece. Stop and move in silence.

Have an amazing day.

Showing Up

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“Sometimes the bravest and most important thing you can do is just show up.” Brene Brown

It is also the hardest thing to do. Pulling the covers over your head, staying in bed and letting the day carry on without you is the norm and putting all your attention on the one thing or couple of things that tell you, not showing up is the way to go. I think we’ve all had those days and for some, it is a daily existence and for others it is a short stop before we pick up and carry on. Whichever the case may be for you, staying put is not going to do it. It takes courage to move on.

“Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.” Brene Brown

Your first step to showing up for yourself is to show up as you are, fears and all. “Showing up is the act of being present and vulnerable, and courage is the ability to do so despite being afraid.” I realized that I haven’t been showing up for myself these past two weeks. Fear has stepped in and peace of mind is nowhere to be seen. I seem to be wading through thick gooey mud and each step is painstakingly slow if at all. I want the day to go away and staying under the covers is where I would like to spend my days. However, something stopped me in my tracks yesterday. Call it courage, call it intuition, or just my mind telling me to “BUCKLE UP!” and MOVE! It worked.

Today is another day and I am moving for all I’m worth. It’s not the physical kind of moving I’m talking about but the mental and emotional kind. Enough of the self-pity, the negative self-talk, and the “I can’t do this” mentality. I know I can and I will!

“No matter how you feel, get up, dress up, show up and never give up.” Unknown

It is exactly what I’m doing today.

I’m on the move again and I intend to show up for myself with bells on! Taking your power back from whatever is holding you back is a necessary step, letting go of people who bring you down is important but more than that, knowing that you are fully capable of handling whatever comes your way is one big leap towards moving on with life.

“There will be moments in life when showing up for yourself will mean leaving behind those who don’t.” Alex Elle

Show up, take life by the horns, and move forward decisively. Exactly what I’m doing today. The sun is showing up after the storm last night and it seems to be a clear signal to get MOVING!

Have an amazing day.

Stop Shrinking! (Archives)

Did someone say something that rubbed you the wrong way? Did it make you feel less than you are? Did a bad relationship make you feel unworthy and not enough? Did it help to shrink you even further? Does the environment you live in make you feel that you don’t belong? A job where you don’t fit in? Cruel remarks that make you feel smaller than you are?

“Stop acting so small. You are the universe in ecstatic motion.” Rumi

However, it happens in this day-to-day existence of ours. It has been said that it’s a cruel world out there and more often than not, it is. It doesn’t always build you up, it doesn’t make you feel worthy and “lacking” is the word that comes to mind. How do you walk tall in a world that doesn’t always care about your feelings, your mental health and more importantly the “YOU” as a person? The answer lies within. If you’re looking for validation from the outside world, you’re looking in the wrong place.

“Learn to love YOURSELF -first- instead of loving the idea OF OTHER PEOPLE loving you.” Unknown

If you only feel worthy when someone gives you a compliment, you are going about it the wrong way. If you are waiting for that special someone to validate love for you, it’s time to take a good hard look at your perception of love and what it means. If a two-timing no good individual can pull the rug from under your feet and leave you feeling like you don’t matter, it’s time to find that strength within, and to LOVE YOURSELF FIRST AND BETTER! Once you do, none of the above will matter. You become stronger, you learn what is important to you and you build yourself up from the inside out which is important. It is your source of comfort and strength but more than that, you won’t be looking for validation from the outside world. It is an inside job and you will start attracting the right kind of people as well.

“You are not enough!” “You are lacking!” “You can’t measure up to what life is asking of you because you don’t have it in you!” Is that your inner critic talking or rather berating you? Yes, it can be loud and it can be destructive if you let it take over. Each time you hear that negative voice within you getting loud, listen but don’t take it to heart and if it gets too destructive, send it packing! Here’s the truth. YOU ARE ENOUGH AS YOU ARE and YOU ARE FULLY CAPABLE OF ACHIEVING ANYTHING YOU SET YOUR MIND TO.

“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line.” Lucille Ball

When was the last time you paid attention to the person you carry around with you? I know I lost track of that person when the two cats moved in and my world was turned upside down. Paying attention to the person who mattered took a back seat and the inner critic had full run so much so that I became smaller than I am and doubts started creeping in. I’m not enough was the message, loud and clear. I listened and ran with it.

“Love yourself first, because that’s who you’ll be spending the rest of your life with.” Unknown

Be kind to yourself, speak to yourself like you would to someone you love, show yourself some self-care, take time out for yourself, pamper yourself, and stop to smell the roses. Once you do that, you will find that the people who bring you down, the ones who’ve hurt you, and the ones who take you for granted will disappear because others will come in to take their place. You attract what you reflect and better will walk in and want to stay. Your new reality will take some getting used to and letting go of those that no longer matter will sometimes be hard. However, one thing’s for sure, “shrinking” will become a thing of the past. It all starts with loving yourself first.

Until then,

“Love yourself so much that when someone treats you wrong, you recognize it.” Rena Rose

AND do something about it!

Have an amazing day.

20 Hours and Counting!

I’m not sure if the trip to Hawaii was around 20 hours, it could have been more or rather it felt like forever!

It was supposed to be a second honeymoon trip and my ex did all the planning. We were going to touchdown in Maui, check into a nice hotel, fly first class no less, and have a great time. The problem, my ex decided that our preschooler should tag along. A big mistake! Never take a young child with you on your honeymoon.

You guessed it. It was a horror trip. The little brat decided that he was going to call all the shots and to add more fuel to the fire, he was made to feel like the little prince all along the journey. The flight was more than comfortable, I think we had a stopover in New York before heading to Hawaii. The minute we boarded the flight at New York JFK Airport, the trouble started. It was too long of a flight for the little guy and he started acting up royally. I tried my best to quiet him down but it was a no go. The other passengers had to put up with his antics although they thought he was very cute.

Once we arrived in Hawaii, he gave us more of the same. He didn’t want to do anything! Anything we suggested was met with an absolute NO! Then he perked up when his dad told him about this defunct volcano high above the clouds. It meant a harrowing drive up there but the little brat was into it. Once there, he walked around collecting volcanic rocks with a grin across his face!

Needless to say, it wasn’t a honeymoon at all. The trip was a long one and that was the longest trip I’ve ever made. I’d opt for time travel when flying with a young child. Someone should design just that. Any takers?

Elon?

Oh, I forget that yours rides shotgun on your shoulders!

Daily writing prompt

What’s the longest trip you’ve ever taken?

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Less Heavy-Handedness

My parents were hands-on when it came to raising a child. There was strict discipline, no talking back, do as we say, no bucking the rules, and definitely no DISRESPECT!

It was tough growing up in such a household because at times I wanted to spew like a volcano and let them know that I wasn’t going to stand for it anymore. However, I kept it all inside and had to find other avenues of letting my frustrations out. Running wild in the woods was one such way.

I’m not saying they were bad parents, probably the opposite. However, they took discipline to a new level and it wasn’t to my liking. The thing I do differently is to raise my child with less discipline and more understanding. I also tell him that I love him everyday. My parents forgot that part in the hectic and chaotic world of raising a brood! I wanted to hear those words badly but they just went about it a different way. As a parent, I want my child to know that he is loved unconditionally, no guessing games involved.

Discipline is hard here in Germany. The child raising model is different.They emphasize, “independence, self-reliance, and social integration.” All fine and good but discipline is sorely lacking and respect, well, it is right up there with discipline. My neighbor’s kid used to call or rather scream his mother’s first name when he needed help. It shocked me at first but different strokes for different folks I suppose.

Mine was never allowed to do that. I doled out disciplinary measures and my ex, a German, didn’t agree. Time-out when the child was acting up was cruel and inhuman punishment, according to him. I had to navigate both sides, but I must say that I’ve raised a good boy. He is a young adult now and doing well on his own. He knows he is loved and he is independent starting to travel the world because his job requires it.

I’ve learned to let him go although the “helicopter rotor blades” are ready to take off any minute if needed! I am still there to talk with if he needs that support, I let him have his say, and anything he wants to tell me, I am there for him with a listening ear and a warm embrace.

Those are the things I do differently and I think it has worked well so far. Respect is still hard because at times he kicks up his heels and at those times, I give him space. Sometimes I get a sorry but seldom and that is okay too. I am standing on the sidelines now watching him take off and I wish him well.

I’m still here if he needs me.

Daily writing prompt

What’s something you do completely differently from how you were raised?

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Kindness Abounds!

There have been many instances of kindness but I can’t remember them all! I can speak of one that stood out from the rest simply because I never asked for help but got it anyway. It happened yesterday.

I am home after having gone through a risky operation at the hospital. Thankfully, it went well or so I hope! The wound is healing as it should, fingers and toes crossed! However, I have been feeling a little alone and a tad helpless as well. Recuperation requires that I don’t drive, not carry anything heavy, minimize going up and down the stairs, eat healthy, and take it easy. Let your body rest was the message.

I was wondering what I was going to do about food, ordering in was not an option because I like eating healthy stuff. I was mulling this over when the doorbell rang at around 1:30 in the afternoon. I opened the door to find my girlfriend with two big bags and a small pot of flowers.

She went, “Hi! Delivery service here! I must say you don’t look bad! I expected worse.”

“Like what?”

“Like someone who has just had an operation!”

Anyway, she walks in, gives me a much needed hug, and hands me the flowers and the chocolates! She had two bags filled with groceries. It had everything I needed, fruits, vegetables, salads, meat, chicken, and my favorite Macadamia nuts!

Blinking back tears, I wanted to hug her again! We talked for a while and then she said, “I almost forgot. “Where is Chachi?”

“Under the stairs.”

“I have something for him.” She pulls a cute little mouse from one of the bags.

She puts it in front of him but he had this look which seemed to say, “That’s not going to BUY me! You can take it with you. My mummy is back and she’s staying so all of you can BUGGER OFF!”

Anyway, that tops the list of one of the kindest thing someone has ever done for me. It came at a time when I really needed it.

I was about to end this when I noticed I had a message. It was my neighbor from across the street. She is over 80 but a sweetheart of a lady. Her message, “Call me, I am worried about you. Did everything go alright?”

I called and we talked. Then she said, “I am going to bake you some oatmeal cookies.” I thought that was the sweetest thing when she added more. “If you need grocery shopping done, I can help you with that too. Just give me a list.”

Did she just top the other one? The lady walks with a hunched back but she never fails to bring me her homemade cherry jam from cherries harvested from her garden every summer. This offer of help was very kind but I may or may not take her up on it. It all depends if I can get myself back in shape in the shortest possible time! I HAVE PLANS TO DO JUST THAT.

“Anything is possible when you have the right people there to support you.” Misty Copeland

Daily writing prompt

What’s the kindest thing someone has ever done for you?

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LIFE!

Life has a certain way of bringing things to the fore and it often does it without giving notice first! One day everything is going fine and the next you wonder what happened and why you’re at where you’re at.

I used to worry about what “life” had up its sleeve and how it was going to affect me. This worrywart syndrome that I have didn’t help much either. Something is going good and I would say to myself, “Wait for it! It’s coming, it’s on the way!” I’m talking about the bad stuff and it never fails because it shows up wearing bells and more!

Perhaps we bring on more of the same when negativity follows us around. These days, I take it as it comes and I offer the other cheek as well! I don’t look for the “bad stuff” to happen. If it does, I decide how I will handle it. Life has a tendency to throw things your way, perhaps it was a boring day up there or wherever they or it is and it’s time to shake things up and sometimes it is party time!

Worrying about things is not going to help matters much. Deciding that whatever comes your way, you are going to handle it and handle it with grace is the way to go. Is “life” giving me a break with that attitude. Nope! It says, “You’ve got lessons to learn and I want to see what you’re made of.”

Bring it on! First things first. I don’t worry as much as I used to. I still do because that goes with the territory, the one of being a worrywart. However, I try not to let it turn my world upside down and inside out. Those days are done it. I am calmer, bolder, braver, and ready to do battle!

Daily writing prompt

What’s something you used to worry about but don’t anymore?

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It’s Time to Say Goodbye

Goodbyes are never easy but it is time to do exactly that. Shiro, the Persian, and Gallahad, the British long-haired cat with orange eyes will be leaving soon and I am sad.

I’ve had them for over three months now, keeping watch over them because my son, their daddy, is concentrating on his new job and they would have been a distraction plus the temporary apartment he had didn’t allow pets. So, mom offered help and with a heavy heart he accepted. Now he has an apartment that is much bigger and he is looking forward to having them back again.

The two cats were not easy. It was extra work for me and they love getting up at 5 in the mornings! Fine and good but the problem was or rather is that they want the “food lady” up as well! Now, Chachi, my little guy is joining in the fun! Somewhere along the way, he has learned that being a cat is not a bad thing after all! They are teaching him how to get what he wants, how to run riot if he doesn’t, and how to BUG mom till she gives in.

Yes, life hasn’t been easy but it hasn’t been all work and no play either. I’ve come to know them pretty well. Shiro is my little princess or rather the little girl I never had! She is sweet and sassy and takes no nonsense from the other two. Gallahad is the quiet one. He observes but where food is concerned he jumps in and turns on the charm! Those orange eyes do the rest and I find myself feeding him more than I should!

They will be leaving on Sunday and a little piece of me will go with them. I will worry about them and wonder if all is well with them as well. Chachi will miss them too. It will be back to being Number 1 for him but with no one to play with. Little Miss Ipanema still shows up now and then. She’s his girlfriend from across the street and they have this “love” thing going. Just through the kitchen window. She showed up a few days ago and saw Shiro sitting at the window staring out and her claws came out!

Things will be a lot quieter around here. I will miss the sound of running feet on the stairs, the soft purring, the loud meowing, and the shows of affection. I won’t miss the work, the constant cleaning up, and picking up behind them and getting up early in the mornings.

Time to relax and to let them go. Farewell my lovelies!

My One Favorite Quote?

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I love quotes and I don’t just have one favorite. I have plenty that have added to the journey I am on. There is so much wisdom in quotes, in the right ones, and I do learn from and take them to heart.

Okay, let’s see if I can pick one that speaks to me. Hmm…..the one that is truly wise and speaks volumes without saying too much is from Mandy Hale. She is truly exceptional and she is a New York Times bestselling author, speaker, and social media personality. Not only that, most of her quotes are geared towards women and their well-being. She is also the creator of the online brand, “The Single Woman.”

This is one of my all-time favorite quotes from her collection.

“A season of loneliness and isolation is when the caterpillar gets its wings.”

I remember seeing this when I was just starting out on my journey of self-discovery. It spoke to me because we are social creatures and some of us need people around us all the time to survive the hustle and bustle of daily life. So being in isolation is not something most of us do well. It took some getting used to and the more I went into isolation, the more I realized what those words meant. After a time, I loved the quiet and the “loneliness.” I could think, I could decipher what I needed to get my life back on track, and I also realized that I was fully capable of handling whatever life threw my way as well.

I don’t have my wings yet and I am still on the path of isolation and loneliness, learning as I go along. I’m hoping that one day soon, those “wings” will magically appear!

One can only hope.

Have an amazing day.

Daily writing prompt

What is your favorite quote?

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A Life Changing Tip

This is nothing new and I’m sure you’ve heard it before. KEEP MOVING FORWARD! Put one foot in front of the other, make sure you shut the door behind you and move forward one step at a time, one day at a time.

I’ve been through two murders, a heart-wrenching breakup, and I survived. I didn’t think I could at first. I stood still where I was as if rooted to the spot and I couldn’t see anything in front of me. The future was cloudy and shrouded in haze AND moving forward just wasn’t possible. The murders were horrific and I was filled with anger and rage. I wanted revenge. So I stayed where I was, played scenes back in my head and it just kept on going. I forgot that I had a life to live, a son to take care of, and a husband. I had a life! At that time, it didn’t matter anymore. I wanted everything to come to a standstill just as I was standing still. However, life kept on moving and this angered me even more. “I’m in pain, why can’t you just stop for a little while?” I learned that life goes on and you have no choice but to climb back on or get left behind.

It took a while before I could do that. I had to let go of the anger and rage first. Accepting that they were in a better place and no longer in pain also helped. It didn’t happen all at once. It took a long time and that’s alright. Take your time and know what works for you.

My life-changing tip? Know that things happen, sometimes horrific, sometimes not as bad, but whatever it is, keep moving forward. If you have to stop and get off for a while, DO IT! However, don’t stay there for too long. There is a saying that goes like this. “Time and tide wait for no man.” It is the absolute truth.

Keep moving forward and stop looking behind you.

I’m doing exactly that.

Daily writing prompt

If you had to give one life-changing tip, what would it be?

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