I don’t know about many people but I do know that “can’t” is up there on my list of words that jump up and scare the hell out of me!
When it shows up, it means that I have to face something of the unsavory nature and not to my liking. I don’t like a lot of things, I’m a stick in the mud as I have said before but that’s not all. Fear steps in and “can’t” shows up before anything else. I dig my heels in and refuse to budge. Then, I go within and come up with excuses as to why I can’t. Believe me, there are plenty of reasons why and it doesn’t have to make sense either! It’s my tried and true method to fight whatever it is that is causing the problem and to keep changes at bay.
I’ve lived with “can’t” all my life and it has made my life miserable. Things could have been a lot easier if I had looked at the problem like any normal human being would do but instead I take the other route. The crazy route where I sweat bullets and convince myself that I just can’t do what is asked of me.
Making headway into this problem took a long time. My journey of self-discovery has helped but it still crops up when I least expect it. Old habits die hard as they say. Coming back to the Daily Prompt, I do think that there are people out there who have the same problem I do. We just don’t like changes but unfortunately, life is not going to take a “NO” for an answer. Learning to live with what comes your way, accepting the changes and taking small steps to change your perception of things does help. Here’s the thing, most of the problems I thought I couldn’t handle turned out to be the ones that taught me how capable I am of doing exactly that.
I was never a highly ambitious person and in my younger days when others were dreaming of changing the world, I had my head in the clouds. A dreamer so to speak. I never thought in terms of one particular profession, I was all over the place.
Writing was something I loved and having published my first short story in a well-known magazine at the age of 16, I wanted to do that all the time. The “high” was addicting. However, even though the story made cover page, I learned that writing didn’t pay well and I also learned that not all who write are writers after getting my share of rejections. Anyway, I got $600 for that story, back then a pretty good sum but still not enough to make a living on. I kept writing but other things stepped in. I would go on to publish more than a 1,000 articles but all done from the sidelines while I pursued more lucrative options. University was where I thought I wanted to be someone. One of the things I admired was speechwriter for the President no less! Journalism was next on my radar. However, writing about the mundane and sometimes about murders which required your actual presence at crime scenes made me step back and I nixed that idea quickly!
Fashion Editor was next. It was fun at first. Celebs, supermodels and designers were all part of my job. Then it got boring! Now, I’m a published author. Where that will take me I don’t know. The book will be out at the end of August and who knows if it is a success or a flop. It’s wait and see now.
Oh, one thing I admired as a young girl were the nuns. Yes, the habit wearing ones. I wanted to be just like them. I glamorized that vocation and I wanted to be in the service of God. Yes, you guessed it. Some of those daily bible study lessons had rubbed off on me! Unfortunately, I grew up! The boys came a calling and being a nun went out the window as well. My eyes do light up when I see them on the streets now and then!
I think I still have my head in the clouds but not as much as I used to. I don’t have any specific profession I admire, but the next time around I want to work at the White House where there is never a dull moment and life is never the same day in and day out!
We know that love is elusive. We also know that it morphs and changes shape and just when you think you’ve found the one and only, it goes and shows you something different.
If you’ve got both feet firmly planted in the dating scene, you’re bound to meet one of the following types who give love a bad name sooner than later.
The Egoist
This guy is full of himself. Good looks are his calling card and he thinks the world revolves around him or rather he has women swooning at his feet. Well, the truth is they are at his beck and call because in a world where looks matter, he’s all the rage. However, peel away the outer layer and you’ll find more often than not that he’s sorely lacking in a couple of very important aspects. Sometimes looks disguise what is not there. If you’re a smart woman, it takes but a couple of dates to find out that the man of your dreams has an empty shell. If you’re looking for intelligent conversation and looking to hang on to his every word, THIS GUY IS NOT IT! Move on.
Mr. Trigger-Happy
This type may seem to have it all at first glance but that is where it ends. Give him a little time and some rope and he’ll gladly hang himself! All it takes with this dude to show his true self is to have a normal conversation, well what others might call normal but with this guy it’s like playing the Russian roulette. You’ll never know what rubbed him up the wrong way because everything does! He’s just waiting to unload all the years of repressed anger he’s held back and BOOM he’s off and running. Mostly not in your direction because he’s looking for someone to blame for all his problems. Love is the last thing on his mind. RUN and don’t look back!
The Conundrum
This guy is a headache and a half. He walks in like a hurricane, falls like a ton of bricks and is talking the “M” word before the first date is over! You’ll be wondering what hit you! Certainly not love but a corrupted form of something else. He’ll look into your eyes and ask, “Why don’t I see sparkles in them?” Or he’ll want to stick to you like glue and you can only take a breath until he does! If you’re looking for the nice, easy, relaxing type of love, it’s not with him. It’ll only get worse so move on and keep on walking and don’t look back!
Mr. Past & Present
Okay, this is one to watch out for. He has one foot firmly planted in the past. I mean it is cemented to the past. However, he is looking to connect with someone in the present. You’ll find he is either hung up on his dead wife, a past love or just about anything in the PAST as an excuse as to why he can’t fall in love again but if it comes to doing everything else he is willing and ready. Bring up the “M” word and he’s off and running. Scary? It is. Tread carefully because his true self doesn’t show up until you’re fully in and just when you think things are going great and there’s a future, he’ll pull the rug from under your feet. You’ll be left asking, what happened? It’s not you, it’s him. Move with caution or better still RUN!
This thing called love is impossible at times and at other times, it takes a lot of work to land what you’re looking for. Unfortunately, you’ll have to fall a few times, pick yourself back up, kiss more than a few frogs, dance the Tango with those I mentioned above, and when the clock strikes 12, be thankful that you survived to live another day.
“Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.” Joan Crawford
With that in mind, proceed with caution and always with your eyes wide open and tell your heart to sit this one out until you’ve got it down pat. Getting it down to a science is next to impossible but arming yourself with the knowledge to outplay some of the no good types out there is a must!
I would go back and change everything! Starting with the night I met my two-timing ex! What started out as a chance meeting at a dance at the university and later morphed into something more was a big mistake. I would erase all of that.
How far would you go for love? It’s a question that is asked in certain circles and it’s a question many ponder over when in love with someone a continent away. Some are brave enough to throw caution to the winds because “love” is all that matters. It did at the time. I gave up everything and moved to Europe thinking I had “forever” in my pocket. It didn’t turn out that way.
There are many hurdles to cross when you move to a non-English speaking country. First, comes the meeting up with the culture and the customs at close range along with a feeling of being like a duck out of water all the time. In my case, I had to raise a child in an atmosphere of, “We know everything better!” Team it with a husband who was never there because he was on business trips all the time and you get the picture. I learned what unhappiness was and with a mother-in-law from hell in tow, my life became something else.
Here’s the thing. In my alternate universe, I would be in America and with someone else. Someone who has character and is noble enough to stand beside his wife which was sorely lacking in more ways than one.
My advice to someone contemplating a move to somewhere faraway, make sure you have a backup plan when it goes down south. Luckily, I was able to survive what came my way, and this is home now because my son feels more at home here and considers himself European as well.
If I get to do it all over again, my alternate universe would be a lot more different than what my reality is and peace would reign supreme!
I don’t do vacations anymore. Packing up and going somewhere only to unpack and do the “vacation thing” is for the birds but that’s how I feel.
I hate leaving what is comfortable and heading to places unknown. It is a thing of the past for me. This year, I decided to do it my way. I took a week off and decided to do a staycation the “recluse” way.
Walks in nature, getting up whenever and letting life take care of itself for a while was the plan. It started out well enough BUT on the first day, I woke up earlier than usual. Bah humbug! Tomorrow is another day, I told myself. I still had six more days to go.
At least, I had the facial appointment to look forward to. It went just fine and I came out glowing or rather a little oilier than expected. The cosmetician said it was a new method of getting your skin to look its optimal best. I was thinking, it should after all the different creams that were mixed and shot into my skin! “Don’t worry if it looks a little oily, it’ll calm down after a few days,” she said.
I nixed the breakfast alone at the cafe idea. I was looking like a pin cushion that had had more pins stuck in it than ever! My pores had been cleaned out, vacuumed out and smoothed out! Oh God! Exactly my thoughts. Anyway, this vacation thing did not start out with a bang but then again, it wasn’t supposed to. Let’s pick up the pace a little bit.
On Day 3, I decided to get myself out. I was supposed to meet a friend for coffee and breakfast and do some catching up. I showed up early and found a comfortable seat by the window. Sipping on a cup of coffee, I noticed the friend walk in. I smiled but it froze in place instantly. Next to him was a total stranger. He was about 6’2″ tall, slim with dark wavy hair, wore glasses which added to the distinguished look and a great smile to boot. It has been said that a recluse is someone who is anti-s0cial and loves doing things alone so “alone” time is good, once in a while meeting someone is good but adding to the equation is a NO! NO! Anyway, we got introduced and the conversation took off. Maybe, I was nervous or just P I S S E D, but the conversation was flowing non-stop. It was the same way with him and we were like two chickens cackling away! The fifth-wheel, my friend had a disgruntled look on his face but it was well-deserved for showing up with an unannounced stranger!
So, what happened? A future date perhaps? Nope, it doesn’t work that way with me. I’m a hard egg to crack. After two hours, I had had enough of socializing and got out of there fast. This vacation thing wasn’t working out the way I wanted it too.
Days 4, 5, & 6 were spent getting on Chachi, the cat’s nerves. I decided to do the cleaning bit and Little Einstein wanted to keep an eye on everything. He wore himself out. I took one walk in nature but the rest of the days were spent indoors because the rain had moved in and decided to keep me company.
Workouts, meditation, cheesecake and lots of coffee and tea kept my mood on an even keel. I don’t know about vacationing at home guys. It was okay but it is what I’m used to on a daily basis, nothing different. Still, I would rather do this than the other variety which involves packing, heading out, eating, eating, eating followed by lots of stress. What about Day 7? I was climbing walls by then and it was time to come back to reality.
“In the first stage of love, your hormones run the show. You flirt, get butterflies in your stomach and heart, toss your hair back often and laugh a lot more. Falling in love makes you glow. Full playfulness and passion, stage one of love, often called the honeymoon stage tends to be everyone’s favorite because it is fun.“
This is how Stage 1 looks like. You can talk for hours on the phone and it never gets old. There is lots of laughing and giggling and you have your rose-tinted glasses on. If there is a blemish the size of a rock on your face, it is invisible at this stage or airbrushed by the blossoming of something special. Time flies by on wings and it is never ever enough. You want more and even though red flags may crop up like a neon sign, you SEE and don’t want to see. It is also the stage of stupidity where your brain and intuition take a backseat and your heart takes over.
Stage 2: Getting Serious
“Enter stage two. You still make a good couple. You hold hands in the park and cuddle up together to watch a movie, but something has changed. You’ve moved in together, maybe even got married. That fun time has run its course and your relationship has entered the serious zone.“
You may have moved in together or maybe not. It could be headed in a more serious direction where the “M” word is bandied about. That rose-tinted glow is there but now grey is starting to seep in. You question his/her motives. When once that laugh was alluring, it now makes you grit your teeth. You see things you don’t like. Things like he doesn’t keep to his word or you’ve caught him in a lie or two. Little things like leaving the toilet seat up and leaving clothes all over the floor gets your goat. The glow is still there so it’s time to push it all under the rug. You say, “It’ll right itself out. After all, you’re not looking for perfect.” The serious zone is staring you in the face and you don’t want to rock the boat. Let sleeping dogs lie you say but you know that it could come back to bite you later.
Stage 3: What Happened?
“What happened? Did you fall out of love? By this point, all illusions have been stripped away. You find yourself arguing more. Romance seems like work and you can’t be bothered to squeeze in the time. You just want it to end. And most people do just that, end their relationship.“
This is the “make it” or “break it” phase. It is also the time to let it all hang out phase. Remember that in Stage 1 all was perfect or at least it seemed so. Nothing was out of place, not a hair, not a fake eyelash, perfect haircut, smelling good and NO inappropriate behavior. Now, it’s let it rip time and HOW! If you’re married, who cares is the attitude. Everything is allowed and I mean everything. He’s seen you many times over so why bother? Unkempt hair, less than perfect hygiene, let it all grow out if you know what I mean. He, in turn, lets it rip. Holding it in is no longer required, anywhere anytime is ok. One other thing I find fascinating is that men love talking to you when they are sitting on the throne! Something soothing perhaps? That smile is no longer alluring, those little quirks more than annoying and spending a few minutes talking equates to an hour and a half in your mind. I call this the end of time phase. It’s probably all downhill from here and most choose to end the relationship.
According to one source, there are five clear stages. They are honeymoon, uncertainty, adjustment, commitment and acceptance. I’ve chosen to speak about three because not many make it past the adjustment phase. If you do, you’re one of the lucky ones. However, the fourth and fifth phase are hard to navigate. Most are either miserable wanting to get out or they’ve accepted their fate and are playing dead until their time is up!
I haven’t given up hope that I will make it to the last phase with a smile on my face and the right man by my side. I’m still working on finding him. Unfortunately, he seems to have lost his way and is nowhere to be found and TIME is running out! Fairy Godmother some help please! I could use your wand right about now!
These are two things I’m curious about and I wish I can get a handle on both of them. So far, it has been touch and go. Just when I think I know what life and love are all about, it goes and changes on me!
One thing I know is that life is unpredictable more so than love. You can’t count on it being the same day in and day out and there is no counting on it to remain the same. If anything, it has the ability to turn your world upside down when you least expect it and that is exactly why I’m curious about it. It almost seems like it knows what it is doing AND it also knows that we are fully capable of handling whatever it throws our way even if we think it is an impossibility or there is no way we’re going to stand back up from the latest onslaught. Looking back, I think I was ENOUGH all along but still I want it laid out in black and white as to what life is and why it is so erratic. Some say it is the nature of the beast.
Love, on the other hand, is predictable. If you are in a bad relationship, it goes without saying that it is going to end badly. I have found that when I veer off the path and go my own way, I usually wind up getting hurt. It also seems that the “chase” doesn’t always work. If I take my focus away from finding love, the right kind of love, it shows up knocking on my door. Only problem is that I still keep looking thinking there is more out there, the almost perfect person for me and that is my problem. I know what love can do, how it can take you soaring or rip you apart and leave you gasping for air, that too is predictable. I am curious about the “forever love” the kind that lasts for a lifetime. I am still looking for it. If the person will show up that is the question.
I am curious about many things but those two listed above are at the top of my list. Perhaps, I should leave it alone but when has that stopped me!
It is interesting how life throws one thing your way and combines it with another just to sweeten the pot or to say, “Look, it’s not all bad.”
I’ve written about my health issue in the last two posts and it is at the top of my mind or has me in its grip. Getting away from it is hard because I do take very good care of myself and this latest news is totally unfair but when has life been fair? If anything, it is there to teach us lessons and whether we want to learn or not doesn’t matter.
Well, I got this not so nice news from the doctor and just as I was deep diving into a roller coaster ride of emotions, I get this other news. Normally, I would be over the moon but not this time. My book, the long awaited one, will be out around end of August! I should have been very happy but mixed with the other news, it came over almost lukewarm and it didn’t have the power kick it should have had.
Anyway, the book should hit bookstores everywhere during that time. The marketing part is not to my liking. They are talking about book signings, interviews and other stuff which would require yours truly to put in an appearance and that is the part that is not appealing. I love my privacy so I am not happy about that part. What to do? Bite the bullet and do it or refuse and see the book go down in flames? Oh well, one thing at a time. The good news is I will finally have a printed copy in my hands and get to see all my hard work on display. I’ve always loved that part about writing, seeing my work in print.
“Sometimes you just need to feel the rain. Let it beat upon your face, cleanse your soul and free your spirit!” Unknown
I want to dance in it like I used to as a young girl lost in a carefree world but since I’m a grown-up or rather older and wiser, I’m watching it from my kitchen window coffee mug in hand mesmerized by the steady drumming on the rooftops. It’s a soft drizzle enough to wet the ground and to give the plant life the much needed relief it needs from days of heat and no rain.
Two blackbirds are dancing out there as they move from tree to tree and they seem to be having fun. I’d love to be out there with them twirling on my toes, arms held out like some ethereal being as I let the softness of rain wash away the hardness of living. Nature has a way of taking away the rough edges that life puts around us, it has a way of mellowing and blurring, just like the day is doing out there today.
There is none of the harshness of a hot sun, the parched ground is being fed again and the soft steady drizzle of rain is doing a mighty fine job of soothing my inner being. I love rain, always have, not the ones filled with thunder and slashes of lightning but this soft variety that seems to be murmuring to my soul, washing away the cobwebs that have been gathering there the last few days and erasing and cleansing my spirit as I twirl and dance in my mind’s eye, a young girl once again lost in the magic of nature’s way.
“Rain is nature’s way of adding a little soul to life.” Unknown
It gets me out in the open and nature is something I like to get lost in. I have a slight case of claustrophobia and when I am outdoors I feel free and one with nature. Just letting my mind wander aimlessly is a great way to lose track of time
Writing
This is a daily must. It gets my creative juices flowing and sometimes it helps to bring focus to things I am dealing with. It is a way to let go of frustrations, anger, sadness and sometimes just to get some relief from the here and now. It is also a great way to gather my thoughts, put them in perspective and to get moving in the right direction and some days I do lose track of time and wonder where the time went.
Meditation
This is my go to method to get rid of stress and whatever else bothers me. I go into a quiet space and nothing seems to matter anymore. I get quiet for 20 minutes or sometimes longer and escape into a void of nothingness. Thoughts do creep in but not for long. My focus is getting better and the thoughts come and go but I stay where I’m at. I would like to do an hour or so of meditation but my mind screams, ENOUGH ALREADY! One day, I will get there.
Daydreaming
A perfect way to lose track of time and a delicious way I might add. There is nothing pressing, nothing to take care of and nothing to worry about. I go with whatever captures my imagination and let it ride for a while. Sometimes it may be birds in flight, or a plane flying way up high or just the pigeons cooing on the rooftops and sometimes the flight of a butterfly moving from flower to flower. Just senseless observations but it creates a space where my soul flies and losing track of time in such a state of mind is a wonderful place to be in, for a time anyway.
These are some of my favorite activities but there are others I use to a lesser degree. All in all, I’ve come up with some wonderful ways of losing track of time and I’m always looking for new ways!
Site Title 