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Somewhere in Heaven

I took that walk again, the one I do almost everyday. It has become a ritual but somehow today I was in a somber mood and the weather decided to fit in perfectly. It was dark and gloomy but I paid it no mind as today was not about the weather.

Looking past the apple trees and to the left, a short distance away is the village graveyard. Has it been three years already? It seems like only yesterday when you were laid to rest there with very little pomp and circumstance. Just a few friends gathered to say their goodbyes and some bouquets were laid on the ground where your tombstone would be. Your life on earth was done and you had or were moving on.

“Sometimes I wish I could just rewind back to the old days and press pause……just for a little while.” Unknown

I wondered what I would say to you if I had that chance. I would say come walk with me as we used to. Those walks were peaceful and beautiful. More than that, I would say that I am sorry that I don’t think of you everyday as I did in the beginning. Life has a way of fading memories perhaps to numb the pain.

You were my best friend and you always had my back. Today as I walked I heard your voice say, “Hi Lovely.” Right after that, I saw you for just a minute as you were. You were a tall man with reddish blond hair and green eyes that always seemed to have a warmth about them. I saw that smile and my heart caught in my throat. I remember you well.

I don’t talk to you like you wanted me too but you are never far from my mind. Your presence is waning too, you were always there in the beginning. I think you have moved on to where you needed to go. Heaven must be a beautiful place and you probably have your wings now but I think you always had those wings. You were my angel and you showed me how to fly again. I wish I had known that your time on earth would be so short but I guess ‘angels’ never stay for long. Thank you for sharing those wings with me, for that I will always be thankful.

I am thankful for the love you showed me, the support you gave so willingly and for all the laughter and talks we shared. The big bear hugs were warm and comforting and I knew without a shadow of a doubt that you cared about my heart and more than anything there was kindness there in your person. Again, I thank you for all you did for me. You took someone who was broken after the divorce and made her whole again. No, I don’t think of you everyday but you will always and forever be in my heart.

Love Always and Forever

I MISS YOU

Walking Away

Photo by Anastasiya Lobanovskaya on Pexels.com

“Maturity is learning to walk away from people and situations that threaten your peace of mind, self-respect, values, morals and self-worth.” Unknown

Maturity is one thing but no matter how young, old or mature you get, walking away is a gut-wrenching experience. It is also one of the hardest things to do.

The truth of the matter is that “there is no relationship in which people have the right to violate your boundaries or treat you with disrespect. And if others can’t respect your boundaries, then quietly and calmly walk away. According to Meerabelledey.com, “Bad situations are just that. Bad. Realize that you have the power to walk away from destructive relationships.”

Easier said than done right? Exactly. When I first learned that my ex was cheating on me, I decided to confront him. It was a bad mistake on my part and I had no dignity to speak off at that point in time. All I saw was my 17 year marriage disintegrating like confetti before my very eyes but it wasn’t celebrating anything in particular but signifying the destruction of a sacred trust. My only thought at that moment was, I had to save it.

I approached them and we exchanged words. The woman took off in one direction and my ex took off after her. It was at that very moment that I realized there was no saving what could not or didn’t want to be saved. I was his past and ‘she’ was his new beginning.

“The hardest part about walking away from someone is when you realize that no matter how slow you go, that someone will never run after you.” Unknown

Since then, I’ve made the mistake of staying in relationships for way too long. Walking away was my last resort and trying to work a no win situation was my top priority until I learned that giving up and walking away did not mean I was weak but the contrary. It takes strength and courage to say, enough is enough and to leave with your dignity intact.

“Knowing when to walk away is WISDOM.

Being able to is COURAGE.

Walking away with your head held high is DIGNITY.”

According to experts learning to walk away can be learned and it gets easier as you go through the motions over and over again. I guess it is the same way with everything else in life. Repetition does make things easier I suppose but who wants to do a repeat performance of the bad kind like in Groundhog’s Day or as in a recurring nightmare? When has walking away from someone ever been easy? It has always been a gut-wrenching, gasping for air and almost like you’re drowning experience for me.

Life is complicated enough as it is and hitching our wagon to the wrong person makes it harder still. It’s a surefire way to face destruction of a different kind that of emotional distress, mental health problems, anxiety, depression and low self-esteem. Finally, it will drain your energy.

“We don’t walk away to teach people a lesson. We walk away because we finally learned ours.” Unknown

Make the hard decision but the right one.

Walk away from people who don’t care about you or your well-being. You deserve better.

Walk away from people who use and abuse you. You are worth more than that.

Walk away from people who cheat, lie and disrespect you. They are never going to make you happy.

Walk away from people who are just treading water, they will go under sooner or later and pull you down with them.

Walk towards people who care, respect, love and are KIND to you. They will take care of your heart.

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” Unknown

Have an amazing day.

A Gorgeous Day

“A beautiful day begins with a beautiful mindset.” Unknown

That’s the truth, however, I had a bad night so I wasn’t expecting anything better. I wrote about my ‘cheesecake fetish’ yesterday and after polishing off half the cake, I spent most of the night puking my guts out! There’s a lesson to be learned in the mere art of puking. Overindulgence is never a good thing.

I woke up this morning looking a little green around the gills and had decided to spend the day in bed drinking lots of water to flush out my system and eating soup to give my stomach a break. Absolutely NO cheesecake today!

Looking outside I noticed that the sun was making a showing after disappearing for a few days so I decided to do my walk in the fields. It definitely will cheer me up so off I went, a plum in one hand as a reminder to stay away from all that is not good for me. I was off to a good start.

The fields greeted me with open arms ablaze in beautiful sunshine. Immediately, a smile crossed my face and I veered off on the path to the apple trees. It was muddy in some places but I made my way gingerly hopping over stones as I glanced towards the apple trees awash in a golden light. Approaching a small forest to my left, it looked dark and dreary closed in by trees. Some branches had escaped their tight confines and were now forming a shady canopy over the pathway making it almost impassable because the ground was drenched in thick gooey mud. I navigated my way through trying not to get my boots dirty which was an impossible task but as I emerged out into the open, the blazing sun almost blinded me and I was back on firm footing again. In the distance, the mountains had emerged from their purple shroud of fog and were now covered in green and gold. The apple trees looked bare but for a few globes of yellow and red still hanging on for dear life. They too will fall to the ground pretty soon or some person will pluck them as a tasty snack. Winter is definitely approaching.

Once again, I was the only one out there. I had paradise to myself and as I took in a big breath of fresh air filled with all things nice I made my way back deep in thought. I realized that life is very much like the mud-covered pathways. You do have to navigate them, sometimes they are rocky, sometimes barely visible coated with mud BUT if you keep on going, sunshine greets you on the other side. Darkness never lasts for very long, it is always followed by light but only if you keep moving. Trusting that concept is the problem but today I have a gorgeous day ahead of me and a feeling that anything is possible if you have the right mindset and the will to keep going.

HAVE AN AMAZING DAY

WILLPOWER

Willpower is defined as, “The strength of mind or determination to overcome challenges and achieve goals.”

Where has my willpower gone? I thought I had trained it well. If it wasn’t good for me, I said NO thank you and left it where it belonged. Nothing could sway me or push me into just trying a little bit. Nothing.

Until I met my nemesis. It started with a nonchalant trip to the bakery to get some cake for a friend. She loves her pastries and cakes. Displayed behind the pristine glass case were different cakes all perked to perfection and begging to be devoured but my eyes settled on a bland looking creamy concoction and for some reason it had my name written all over it. How much harm could come out of eating just a small piece of whatever it was I thought. It had no fruits on it and no added decoration to make it look pretty and yet there was something about it. I couldn’t put my finger on it. If I had known, I would have run screaming from the store!

“Willpower is like a muscle, the more you train it, the stronger it gets.” Unknown

Right, I had trained mine to withstand anything so coming back to that almost innocent looking piece of nothingness in that glass case. It was a cheesecake I was told. I’ve had cheesecakes before but this one looked different because it was almost crustless or perhaps because it had my number and was looking to break me!

I brought it home and that afternoon I took a bite into it. My eyes lit up. It wasn’t sweet as cakes go but there was something. I could feel my WILLPOWER crumbling and disintegrating into a thousand pieces. Well, it felt that way anyway.

The battle was lost. Every chance I got after that fateful afternoon I made it to that bakery or I found excuses to go by there. Each time the lady would grin and say, “I don’t have to ask. One cheesecake?”

Me: “Hmm…yes.”

All fine and good. Cheesecake alone is not going to bring my world down. I’m still fine on all other fronts as far as willpower is concerned I had thought. What I didn’t know is that WILLPOWER is a learned thing and when one thing crumbles, the other parts get shaky. Anyway, I was invited to a friend’s place for coffee and cake. Yes, you guessed it. He had cheesecake and not just any cheesecake. He said it was the best in the land. I politely refused but he insisted. I tried a small piece and put my by now non-existent willpower on the line. I raised that dessert fork filled with creamy cherry filled cheesecake to my mouth and tasted it. The portals opened and I heard, “Hallelujah! Hallelujah!” It was sumptuous, delicious and mouth-wateringly good! I had two pieces and as my WILLPOWER cowered in the corner somewhere all but forgotten, “I asked, “Can you get me a whole cake the next time you go to that bakery?” He grinned and said, “YES!” My eyes glistened with joy but my willpower screamed, “I GIVE UP!”

“Strength is the ability to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands and then eat just one of those pieces.” Unknown

I was there once. Hell, I could even say “No chocolate for me please.” However, chocolates are not cheesecake and to prove a point, the friend brought me the cheesecake I had asked for. It was beautifully packed and when he opened it carefully, I saw my ‘nemesis’ staring back at me. It didn’t know I was putty in its hands. To make a long story short, I had two pieces and it was scrumptious. Then I noticed all the other pieces mouthing, “Eat me too!”

“Rule your mind, or it will rule you.” Unknown

It’s time to break the cycle and to send my cheesecake fetish packing! I shut the cake box, put it in the fridge and made myself some green tea. It’s supposed to be healthy. Tomorrow, I will walk an extra mile in the fields AND I will train my WILLPOWER to heel when it’s told to heel!”

“It will hurt. It will take time. It will require dedication. It will require willpower. You will need to make healthy decisions. It requires sacrifice. You will need to push your body to its max. There will be temptation. But, I promise you when you reach your goal, it’s worth it.” Unknown

HAVE AN AMAZING DAY.

Pay Attention

Life often speaks in whispers at the beginning, it stomps its feet if you don’t listen and it screams to get your attention when you’re heading towards a head-on collision. Through it all, it has your back and is on your side if only you are willing to pay attention to what it has to say. And that is the hard part.

“Consider for a moment what you pay attention to all day long. What seems important to you, what do you take for granted and hardly attend to at all? Write it down. Do not judge your answers. Be honest and simple. As you keep track all week long, you’ll be amazed at what claims your attention what you give your precious life force to.” Brenda Shoshanna

The truth is as “humans” we march to our own drumbeat. We see what is not good for us, we know it spells trouble and we know if we keep going down that path, it will take us to exactly where we don’t want to go BUT we are hell-bent on doing it anyway. Are we wired for destruction, is that what we seek? At times, it seems that way but luckily for us, life comes in and shows us the way out but only if we pay attention.

“Pay attention to the signs. Stop making excuses for people. Stop defending their inconsiderate ways. Start taking care of you and your own needs.” Unknown

I do that all the time. Make excuses for inconsiderate people that is BUT there comes a point in time when I say enough is enough and then I shut the door behind me but unfortunately, it is always a day late and a dollar short. I’ve learned my lessons the hard way but most of us do. Don’t ask me why but we just do. Do we get a thrill out of pain? I don’t know but not paying attention when life is screaming seems to be the problem.

When we don’t pay attention to love, it has a tendency to bring us down to our knees and then we ask what happened? We know exactly why. The answers have been staring us in the face even before the collision happened.

Pay Attention To Her:

When a woman is “tripping” she cares, when a woman is “mad” she believed in you and you let her down, when she is “asking questions” she is trying to gain clarity, when she is “quiet” and letting things slide she is giving up….And when she is not doing all of the above…just know you have lost a good woman.” Unknown

AND

“Sometimes you have to put aside what you feel for them, and PAY ATTENTION to what their actions are saying they feel for you.”

Finally, paying attention seems to be the key to a better life, better relationships and a better way through the intricate maze we call life. Pay attention to the signs before it is too late. Not easy to do as always but there is no other way it seems.

Listen to the wind, it talks.

Listen to the silence, it speaks.

Listen to your heart, it knows. Native American Proverb

Have An Amazing Day

Positivity

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

This is a hard one because “positivity” is almost a foreign word in our vocabulary. The thing that comes to mind first and foremost are all the negatives we can drum up but looking for the positive is really hard to do.

How often do we get up in the mornings and the first thing that occupies our mind is all the stuff that went wrong yesterday and the outcome of that negativity facing us today. It could have been something small, something inconsequential but to us it is now a monster problem that is going to take up most of today if we let it. We love playing it over and over, adding to it and blowing it up into something unmanageable. Truth be told, all it takes is changing that negative mindset into a positive one and to say, “I CAN DO THIS!” Show up with a positive attitude and let the day takes its course. Not that simple but the other alternative is the one that is going to take you down the rabbit hole and keep you there and you don’t want that.

Here are a few positive quotes to get you on the way. Read, embrace and put them into practice.

“When you can’t control what’s happening, challenge yourself to control the way you respond.

That’s where your power is.” Unknown

“Beautiful things happen when you distance yourself from negativity.” Unknown

“What’s on your mind becomes what’s in your life, so think the thoughts you want to see.” BoomSumo.com

“You don’t drown by falling in the water; you drown by staying there.” Ed Cole

This is a really good one. Most times we stand still and wallow in our misery. Moving is the key here.

“Tough times don’t last. Tough people do.” Unknown

“Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll start having positive results.” Willie Nelson

“Staying positive doesn’t mean you have to be happy all the time. It means that even on hard days you know that there are better ones coming.” Unknown

“Stay positive! The only difference between a good day and a bad day is your attitude.” Unknown

That is the absolute unvarnished truth!

“Sometimes the bravest and most important thing you can do is just show up.” Brene Brown

And this is often the hardest to do.

“Don’t forget that you’re human. It’s okay to have a melt down. Just don’t unpack and live there. Cry it out and then refocus on where you are headed.” Unknown

Remember my “All That Baggage” post? Been there, done that and moving on!

I love this one below.

“Just for the record darling, not all positive change feels positive in the beginning.” S. C. Laurie

Ever been in a situation that seemed totally negative at first but turned out to be the best thing that could have happened to you? I’ve lived through many of those moments, cried my heart out but in the end it turned out for the best. Be brave enough to embrace the challenges and let it show you the way. Life knows what it is doing even if you don’t.

TODAY I WILL:

Stay positive

Learn & Grow

Worry Less

Say Kind Words

Laugh More

Choose Love

Believe in Myself

AND

LET GO OF NEGATIVITY

You’re on the way!

HAVE AN AMAZING DAY!

Start Your Day Right

These days I’m obsessed with doing it right. Everything that has to do with my well-being comes first and I’m proactive as far as what it takes to have a clear and focused mind, what it means to leave the stress behind and what is needed to forge my way forward.

Walking, working out, positive thinking, breathing for all I’m worth, eating right and meditating all play a big role in my daily existence. It helps in keeping my sanity intact as well!

During one of my searches for doing it better, I came across these three sentences which got me thinking. Do they hold the key to longevity and a better life? I’m not really sure but they seem to hold the promise of directing you in the right direction and to help in dealing with life’s challenges.

Think of one thing you’re grateful for.

According to http://www.helpguide.org, “Gratitude involves showing appreciation for the things in life that are meaningful or valuable to you. Taking a moment to notice and acknowledge the things you’re grateful for each day can brighten your outlook, boost your mood, and help you feel more positive in the face of challenges.”

Here are a few examples:

I am grateful for the brand new day.

I am grateful for the warm bed.

I am grateful for the air that I am breathing.

I am grateful for the people I love and who love me back.

Go ahead. Name one thing you are grateful for.

What are you proud of?

There are so many things but here are a few examples taken from “collective world”

Accomplishing things on your own.

Going for a walk when it’s the last thing you feel like doing.

Not giving up even when you really want to.

Getting up in the morning when you are struggling to find a reason to.

Starting habits to better your life and sticking to them.

Being kind when your heart is hurting.

Letting go of toxic people in your life.

Just a few examples to get you started. It’s your turn now. What are you proud of?

Lastly set an intention.

Where are you going today? Are you headed somewhere positive? Setting an intention helps you to find, create, have and experience positivity and it helps you to regain hope.

Some examples are:

Today, I will be kind to myself.

Today, I won’t beat myself up or others.

Today, I will practice self-care.

Today, I will eat healthy things.

Today, I will love myself.

Just a few examples but you get the drift. Make them positive and use them to change your mindset and yourself for the better. You are the one who writes your story, make it a good one.

HAVE AN AMAZING DAY.

Needle in the Haystack!

It’s elusive, it’s invisible and it has a tendency to play games with you but more importantly you may never find it no matter how hard you try.

I met a girlfriend for breakfast a few days ago and since we’re both on the dating circuit, she more than yours truly, our conversation naturally turned to men and their idiosyncrasies. She is less uptight than I am so that needle in the haystack does not need to be just one needle according to her. She claims that she has found a number of them hidden in plain view!

My “needle in the haystack” on the other hand has kept himself well-hidden and has given me the runaround. I thought I had found that special someone some time ago but at closer inspection I found out it was a fake, not a needle at all but something masquerading as that proverbial needle.

Who came up with that idiom anyway? I bet it was an old spinster sitting in some lonely loft somewhere needle in hand when she decided that it was a perfect way to describe her dilemma. Why a needle? Why not a saucer or a cup or something a little bigger and more visible? It would make things a lot easier, let me tell you.

The definition of a needle in a haystack is defined as something which is very difficult or almost impossible to find. It just so happens that is exactly what I’m looking for and it’s exactly the kind of thing I would go for. Easy is not in my vocabulary. However, after several forays into haystacks I’m about ready to give up on this idea. It seems I’m allergic to hay! I’m not looking for Mr. Perfect, some may disagree with that assumption, just someone loyal, caring, trustworthy, soft spoken and easy on the eyes and you’ve got my needle in the haystack down pat.

Since I’ve been on the dating circuit, I’ve met several men. My first date usually turns out this way. We meet for coffee and immediately I have an attitude. I’m silently pondering this question. “Why are you looking at me like YOU ARE the Big Bad Wolf?!! It goes downhill from there. Other times, they are narcissists, control freaks, liars, cheaters and just NOT my type! Get the picture? Maybe I’m just not ready to be out there again. Oh, did I mention I’m a recluse to boot? I LOVE my own company. Someone pointed this fact out to me recently. After several attempts to get me out of my roost, he said, “I think you’d rather be at home or out in the fields all by yourself and that is the impression you give me.” I thought, you might have hit the nail where it belongs.

If that’s not enough of a deterrent, getting to first base with me is like you’re in never never land. It never happens. My girlfriend, on the other hand, has made it all the way through to fourth base many times over and keeps moving easily to the next victim. Did I say victim? Oops, I meant conquest. Whatever rocks her boat but it is just not me which makes life and dating much much harder to do.

Today I took that walk again looking for answers in nature. This time around, I got none. I think nature is getting a little tired of me coming out there looking for something like it is a soothsayer. It was cloudy, grey and not a single thing was moving according to my naked eye but that is besides the point. I walked back home ready to go it alone.

If you ask me there’s no such thing as a needle in a haystack and if there is, why would you hide it in a haystack anyway! The way my luck is going, that needle has moved all the way up the haystack by now and I would need some kind of suction device to get it out!

So as I see it, I might wind up like that spinster I talked about earlier all alone in that loft pining away for a love that never came along. Only I would have bloodied fingers and I would be screaming bloody murder at that ‘whatever’ in the haystack!

“It’s a funny thing about looking for things. If you hunt for a needle in a haystack you don’t find it. If you don’t give a darn whether you ever see the needle or not it runs into you the first time you lean against the stack.”

P G Wodehouse

There might be something there in that quote. I’ll keep you posted, now off to NOT think about that needle and to do something productive for the day.

HAVE AN AMAZING DAY

Grandpa Can’t Dance!

At a town hall meeting in Oaks, Pennsylvania, on Monday, Donald J. Trump decided to cut it short, said to hell with the questions and decided spontaneously to do it the Trump way. He asked his supporters to stay calm and to listen to some of his favorite songs from a rally playlist.

During that meeting, Orange Jesus decided that it would be safer for him not to answer any more questions because the man has no plan only a concept of a plan. So after two medical emergencies which caused interruptions, Grandpa Trump decided to turn it into a “music fest.” He wanted to show everyone there that he was a fun-loving guy and tried to boogie with the best of them but unfortunately the dance moves looked a little constipated and he came off looking like the fool that he is.

His favorite song seemed to be the Village People’s “Y.M.C.A,” as his tan gone wrong face broke into a smile and he did a couple of hand movements as he jived along. It was only 30 minutes into the meeting when the former President decided to make a detour, one of no significance BUT for the time spent answering five questions in total and aiming attacks against VP Kamala Harris. There was no getting him back to the question and answer session because he had decided he wanted a dance party and Orange Jesus always gets what he wants and if doesn’t he would instigate a riot to get it.

After the two medical emergencies, he said, “Let’s not do any more questions. Let’s just listen to music. Let’s make it into a music…..Who the hell wants to hear questions, right? ” Perhaps the unprecedented move suggested that he had everything in the bag and he was now looking at a clear win and an untethered path to the White House and questions were an absolute waste of time as far as he was concerned.

There were several songs played that night but “YMCA” made the man grin. I think the recurrent theme of “Young man” in the song made him feel young again. Biden is out of the race now so that makes Trump the oldest Presidential Nominee in U.S. history. Trump’s septuagenarian status does come into play, dance party or not!

The town hall meeting was bizarre to say the least but more than that, “not quite all there” comes to mind. If you ask me, the man is not only off his rocker but he belongs in it!

There is over three weeks to go until Election Day 2024. Let’s hope Orange Jesus never makes it to the White House again, ruse or not. Fingers and toes crossed!

ALL THAT BAGGAGE

A soft reminder:

“not everything that weighs you down is yours to carry.” Unknown

I’m talking about emotional baggage, the kind that has gathered so much dust but we still carry them around like an albatross around our necks. Everyone has them but some find it easy to let go and to move on. Others lug it around because they love going back there for whatever the reason and than there are those who use it as a “get out of jail free card.” They whip it out as a talking point as to why they are stuck where they’re at and can’t see their way forward.

Most or all of the “emotional baggage” belongs in the past but unresolved issues, anger, sadness, grief or just plain, “I love living in the past” attitude puts it front and center and makes it very much a part of the present.

“Leave your baggage where it belongs. In the past. It has no place in your future.” Unknown

Things happen and oftentimes we have no control over it. It could be a break up or a painful event such as losing a loved one or even situations which cause anger, confusion and absolute disbelief. They happened and there is no changing the outcome but by carrying that baggage around like a well-worn trophy, it is not going to change what took place in the past. It happened and there is no going back. You can only move forwards.

“We all have baggage but there comes a time when you realize it’s time to UNPACK.” Unknown

Here are some examples of emotional baggage:

I’ll never be good enough.

I don’t deserve good things.

Everyone will leave me.

I am angry.

I will never forgive.

I can’t escape my past.

Nobody cares about me!

I hate my life!

I can’t move forward.

I failed.

This is as good as it gets.

Recognize any of them? I DO.

“Emotional baggage refers to “unfinished emotional issues, stressors, pain, and difficulties we’ve experienced that continue to take up space in our minds and affect our present relationships.” http://www.verywellmind.com

The truth is:

“Emotional baggage is heavy, and it’s way too expensive to keep dragging along to all the places that life wants to take you.” Unknown

No, it is not easy to get rid of emotional baggage because we keep filling it up every chance we get. It gets so full sometimes that I can’t zip it up for all the useless stuff that I fill it up with, mostly things that have happened and it is still there for all the reasons I have stated above. It’s time to refocus and discard what no longer serves you.

If you want to get rid of the ‘useless’ you need to do some work. According to http://www.griefworkcenter.com, “Identify what you have actually lost and grieve that which is gone, focus on your strengths that empower you; explore the tasks you need to complete to let go of the overwhelming feelings, and focus on how you have experienced growth because of what happened.”

I can hear one friend saying, “I CAN’T! It seems like only yesterday.” To that friend I say, “The truth is, it’s been more than 10 years. LET IT GO.” You don’t need that “get out of jail free card,” anymore, you have places to go.

AND

“Misery might love company but so does joy, and joy throws much better parties.” Billy Joey