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Pathological Liar

Pathological liars are pros when it comes to lying. It is a way of life for them and these losers are said to have a personality disorder but I think they just enjoy lying and LOVE getting away with it which in turn gives them an adrenaline rush to boot.

Abraham Lincoln said it best:

“No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar.”

My ex fits the mode perfectly. He lied so much that he forgot which one was the truth and which one was the lie! It became one and the same to him. He eventually got tired of keeping up with all his lies and decided it was time to threw up his hands and call it quits. Coming back to the topic at hand, there are 6 signs of a pathological liar. Probably more, but we’ll stick to these six for now.

“Pathological liars tend to:

Have a lack of empathy.

Focus on basic needs, such as food and money.

Find pleasure and gratification in lying.

Speak in terms of cause-and-effect instead of emotions.

Be cunning and manipulative.

Lie just for the sake of lying. ” Science=People

How do you cope with a pathological liar?

Don’t expect them to admit to a lie because they will stick to their lies even when it’s obvious that they are not telling the truth.

Don’t take it personally. It is not about you, it is a mental disorder or so they say.

Don’t think just because they look you in the eye, they are telling the truth. Most often they can stand on their heads and try to convince you that they are telling you the truth.

Don’t lose your temper because it’s not about you losing control, it just makes them much better liars. There’s no winning with these guys.

Do trust yourself and your intuition.

Do pay attention to their actions rather than their words because after all actions do speak louder than words.

Do set boundaries as to what you will tolerate and what you won’t in a relationship not that it matters to these individuals. They are well-versed in the art of lying and somehow getting away with a lie does not phase them as it would a normal individual with a conscience. So be prepared for more of the same or walk away.

“It’s not the lie that bothers me. It’s the insult to my intelligence that I find offensive.” Unknown

That’s exactly it. Most pathological liars think that they are experts when it comes to lying so no one is the wiser for it. However, sometimes they come across those of us who can see right through them and that’s when they fall flat on their lying faces and move on to more fertile territory, the women who love being lied to. Unfortunately, there are plenty of those too.

“You know what’s great about compulsive liars? They keep zero promises and then make YOU feel guilty about it when you’re upset.

I need to master this art.” Unknown

Finally, pathological liars are not worth your effort, time and energy. It takes all of this and more to keep them in line not to mention the eventual heartbreak it brings. There are no long-term with these guys just lots of being on the look out all the time. It is definitely NO fun and definitely not how I want to spend the rest of my life and neither do you I think so keep your eyes and ears wide open and remember if it quacks like a duck and walks like a duck, it is probably a LIE!

“How much happier would life be if a liar’s pants really did catch on fire!” Unknown

AND

“Secrets and lies kill relationships. No matter how careful you are, you will get caught. What’s done in darkness always comes to light.” Unknown

REAL LOVE

“The difference between real love and fake love is this. Real love is so quick to resume its original shape after being stretched and expanded always to recover no matter what it endures.

Fake love is brittle, it breaks over even the simplest of things.”

If you are searching for love as I am, it is important to know the difference between the two. Real love takes time to cultivate, it’s not WHAM! BAM! and you’re in love. Some people may believe this is the case or rather they call it love at first sight. I had a few of those in my younger days but now that I’m older and wiser those butterflies in my stomach do not flutter like they used to.

These days I am a critic of the worst kind where love is concerned. If you thought Sherlock Holmes was good, I am better. I tell myself I am looking for true love, the kind that lasts a lifetime so playing detective to the hilt falls into the realm of weeding out the “fakes” to get at that one true love.

Fakes they are aplenty. They come out of the woodwork when you least expect it and in a blink of an eye, they’re in love and want to take it to the next level. The problem is if they winked at you once, they’ll wink twice at someone else. They’re prone to take it way past the winking stage if you know what I mean. They’ll love you so long as it is convenient for them but they’ll just as quickly run off to greener pastures when the opportunity presents itself. Dependable they are not and short-term is the name of the game. They’ll break your heart in a minute and move on without looking back and leave you to hold the remnants of your heart in your hands and wondering what happened. Don’t bother questioning why? Just know you want better.

The “real” ones don’t come out to play, well not often anyway. They’re the ones with integrity, self-worth, honesty and they stand their ground when it comes to love. They’re not wishy-washy but unfortunately there are not many of them to go around unlike the other kind, they’re a dime a dozen.

Needless to say, I’m holding out for “real” love. If it takes time, so be it. However, universe if you are listening, I ask that you bring him sooner than later, at least before the butterflies are totally dead in my stomach!

I’m not going to say I hope because according to a certain life coach this has a negative connotation and will bring more of the same. I’m going to say, I KNOW it will happen. Fingers crossed!

BE YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND

“Best Friends (circa 1910) Fred” by Museum of New Zealand/ CC0 1.0

“When you are your own best friend, you don’t endlessly seek out relationships, friendships, and validation from the wrong sources because you realize that the only approval and validation you need is your own.” Mandy Hale

How often have you looked to others for validation, to lift you up, to make you feel important, to give their approval and to make you feel loved? I know I have and have found myself wallowing in self-pity or even questioning me as a person. I am learning that loving yourself comes first. YOU are important, what you tell yourself is important. Be kind and gentle here because the way you talk to yourself is important. Work on yourself, it is the key element to get you out of the rut. What rut? The stuck in the mud rut. Your goal is to get you moving to a better life and to feel comfortable with yourself.

Invest in Yourself

This may sound like a new concept because we spend a lot of our energy and money in so many materialistic things but in our rush to please ourselves, we forget the all-important person who is left wanting. Invest in time spent with yourself, this doesn’t take much but dedication. A walk in nature to nurture your soul, meditation to look inwards and find peace, working out to bolster your health or even spend time talking to yourself. If you have the means, pamper yourself. Go for a massage, get a facial, get a nail or feet treatment and no, it doesn’t mean you are vain. It just means you are putting yourself first and showing love to the person who matters the most and that is YOU.

Invest in your Environment

Your home is your castle? Work to make it that way. Spruce up your garden, plant flowers that give you joy when they bloom and fill your space with color. Redo your living area and or your bedroom and add things to make you feel comfortable. Make it a place you love spending time in and love coming back to but most of all, a place where you can relax and pamper your soul.

Get Rid of the Unwanted

This is hard. If you want to be your own best friend, you need to make space for the important things. Get rid of the things that bog you down, the people who make you question who you are because they are in a bad place in their lives. If their only goal in life is to bring you down to their level of despair, let them go! Sometimes getting rid of the unwanted makes room for what is needed. New friends, love, laughter, joy and peace.

Say this to yourself and mean it.

“You are hands down, my favorite person.” Unknown

Being your own best friend takes time as it is with everything that matters. Be forgiving, speak softly and lovingly to yourself, encourage yourself, love yourself and work towards looking in the mirror and loving the person staring back at you. Be your own validation and life will get easier.

How to be your own best friend:

“Look in the mirror and give yourself a high-five.

Ask yourself often, “how are you feeling?”

Cry when you need to.

Give yourself a hug.

Forgive yourself for going back to old patterns and behaviors.

Encourage yourself with words you would use to encourage a friend.” Unknown

Good luck and I am on the self-same journey.

Apple River Stabbings

Nicolae Miu, a 51-year-old mechanical engineer from Prior Lake is accused of killing 17-year-old Isaac Schuman and stabbing four of his friends, Rhyley Mattison, A.J. Martin, Dante Carlson and Tony Carlson. The victims were between the ages of 17 to 24 years of age. He says it was self-defense and has pleaded not guilty to all charges.

The incident took place at the Apple River in Wisconsin on September 2022. State prosecutor, Karl Anderson, calls the deadly attack, “senseless and horrific.” According to Anderson, “All Nicolae had to do was walk away. He eventually did walk away, but not after stabbing five people.”

What started out as a fun day on the river for the teens ended in tragedy when they came into contact with Nicolae. Words were exchanged and when a group of adult tubers intervened things escalated. In a video shot, Nicolae is shown holding a knife in his hand. He was wearing bathing trunks so how did he manage to hide the knife and why carry a weapon? Within a span of 25 seconds, he had killed one person and stabbed four others.

Defense attorney, Aaron Nelson is saying that Miu stabbed the tubers in self-defense because he feared for his life. The defendant who is of Romanian descent immigrated to the U.S. as a teen and has been described as an “intelligent” and “peaceful” man. He had also undergone a quadruple bypass surgery two years before the deadly incident.

The teens are being described as unruly and drunk and had been “smoking stuff.” Isaac Schuman’s autopsy revealed he had a blood alcohol level of .219. They are also being accused of heckling and humiliating Miu calling him a raper and a pedophile and that “he was looking for little girls.” Video footage of the incident does show the teens circling Miu and pushing him into the water but there was no other weapon in sight except for the one in the defendant’s hand. This is a hard one folks.

If convicted, Miu is facing a life sentence in prison but than again he did take the life of a 17-year-old not to mention the tremendous psychological trauma he caused the surviving teens. This was clear to see as we watched each of them take the stand only to break down in tears at the memory of what had taken place and over the loss of their friend. Self-defense has often been used in cases where the victim had no weapon and the aggressor was the only one who had the ability to cause damage and in this case he did. Will this defense fly? Will he walk? Remember, he had the choice to walk away but didn’t. He was the adult in this situation but he chose to stay and showed his anger to a group of teens who didn’t know any better. You’ve heard the saying, “Children will be children?” Well in this case, teens will be teens but it still means the same thing. They are noisy and when in a group boisterous and do things that they wouldn’t do if by themselves. Miu should have walked away BUT he didn’t.

Trial is continuing.

PATIENCE

“Patience is a virtue” a short phrase that means “waiting calmly is a good trait.” This was coined way back when waiting for anything to happen was normal and waiting patiently was considered a virtue rather than a hair pulling experience. Well, at least the English poet, William Langland, who came up with this phrase in 1360 thought so.

These days, patience is a learned virtue. At times it takes super-human strength to say, it is ok, I’ll wait a little while longer. The extreme could be waiting for something that never happens but promised it will. There are people in this world who think that showing up late is fashionable. I know someone or have known several people who showed up 30 minutes late for an appointment without so much as calling to say they are running late. This not showing up on time is stamped into their DNA so there is nothing you can do about it except show PATIENCE even if you have to grit your teeth and bear it. Needless to say, these people don’t have a permanent place in my life. They honed my patience level to the negative and it was time for them to go!

“The two most powerful warriors are patience and time.” Leo Tolstoy

Both come into play when dealing with people who show disrespect for your time and your patience level. It’s not that they don’t know what they are doing, they DO KNOW and that is the truth of the matter. Would they like it if you showed up late or worse still did not show up at all? What would happen if the shoe was on the other foot? I guarantee you they wouldn’t tolerate it for one minute.

“Patience is the calm acceptance that things can happen in a different order than the one you have in mind.” David G. Allan

Fine and good. However, these days my patience level is not where it used to be. Gone are the days of accepting it as a slight faux pas. These days, if it happens more than once, I am ready to close the door and move on. Patience is not my strong suit but than again why pull your hair out when in the end you’re the one who ends up with a bald spot and not the person who takes the laid back attitude to life. Believe me, patience is not all it has been cut out to be. Virtue or not, in the end your well-being matters, you matter and your principles matter. You don’t have to put up with it. That said, here are some quotes to lighten the topic.

“My doctor is concerned about my high blood pressure. I told him, well next time don’t leave me sitting in the waiting room for two hours.” Unknown

“My doctor told me to start killing people. Well not in those exact words. He said I had to reduce stress in my life, which is pretty much the same thing.” Unknown

“The fact that my entire body cracks like a glowstick whenever I move and yet refuses to actually glow is very disappointing.”

“My goal this weekend is to move only enough so people know I’m not dead.”

Tried this last weekend and it was pretty relaxing I must say.

“I MAY LOOK CALM —but in my mind I’ve already killed you twice.”

“Tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up.” Ann Bradford

I did but it doesn’t work.

This one I like a lot. It made me laugh which is a good thing.

“I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow doesn’t look good either.”

If you’re the type of person who plays havoc with other people’s patience, STOP! Treat others as you would like to be treated and that should do the trick but if it doesn’t and you’re a hardcore and professional patience tester, I hope you get what you deserve.

YOU ARE IMPORTANT

Quite often, we let the people we interact with on a daily basis, the world around us with its idiosyncrasies and events that happen to us interpret how we feel, how we react and how much worth we give it and if we are important or not in the grand scheme of things. I am guilty as charged.

The Dalai Lama said it best, “Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace.”

Yet we do it time and time again. Just yesterday, a girlfriend broke up with her so called boyfriend. He was for all purposes a NO-GO as far as I am concerned and it was clear for all to see including her but she is in a difficult place nonetheless. Finding out she was “not important” is a devastating cross to bear even if she saw it coming. Yet, this is nothing new. We hand over how important we are in a relationship to the other person and forget in the process that YOU as a person matter and you define how important you are and what you will stand for and what you won’t put up with.

“When you are important to another person, that person will always find a way to make time for you. No excuses, no lies and no broken promises.” Unknown

Relationships are hard enough as it is to navigate without having to deal with the “invisible man,” meaning the guy who says he loves you but when it comes down to showing you that you are important, he shows time and again that YOU are an afterthought and as far as the importance scale goes you are on the bottom rung of the ladder. No guessing game needed here. You will know and it is up to you to put yourself front and center and say, enough is enough!

“You are important and you matter.

Your voice matters.

Your life matters.

Your feelings matter.

Your story matters.

ALWAYS.” Unknown

Let me add to that. You as a person matters and don’t take yourself for granted either.

One Day It Just Clicks

“You realize what’s important and what isn’t. You learn to care less about what other people think of you and more about what you think of yourself.

You realize how far you’ve come and you remember when you thought things were such a mess that you would never recover. And you smile.

You smile because you are truly proud of yourself and the person you’ve fought to become.” Steve Maraboli

Finally,

“Surround yourself with people who are going to lift you higher.” Unknown

You are well worth the effort and don’t let someone show you otherwise. Your worth is determined by you so stand tall and show the world that YOU ARE IMPORTANT.

Trump’s Legal Woes

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According to David A. Graham of The Atlantic, “merely keeping track of the many cases against Donald Trump requires a great deal of attention, or both.” I say it’s going to take all of that and more to keep an eye on the 91 felony counts spread out across two state courts and two different federal districts that Mr. Trump is facing not to mention the civil lawsuits.

The 77-year-old is the first former president in US history to be criminally charged and that hasn’t been held against him so far. He seems to be doing fine and well as he makes his way to meet up with Joe Biden in November.

Let’s look at four of the upcoming cases that could spell trouble for Mr. Trump.

A payment of $130,000 was made to adult film actress Stormy Daniels to keep the affair quiet, hush money so to speak. Trump, however, is denying he even had sex with her but I guess that’s what cheaters do. That aside, the former president is accused of falsifying his business records and saying that the expense was for legal fees. He’s facing a whopping 34 counts of fraud under campaign finance laws.

Trial is scheduled for 15 April.

Next in line is Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg’s case on whether Trump illegally conspired to overturn his 2020 election defeat to Joe Biden. We know he did but that’s besides the point. He’s been charged with four criminal counts which includes conspiracy to defraud the US and conspiracy against the rights of citizens.

Trial has been postponed until the Supreme Court decides if a former president should be prosecuted like any other citizen. Justices will hear the case on 25 April and make a decision by June. I think this one will be in his favor.

The next one is a huge racketeering investigation led by none other than Georgia prosecutor Fani Willis and she had this to say about the upcoming trial. “I do think that there are efforts to slow down this train, but the train is coming.” Trump and 18 other defendants are accused of conspiring to overturn his narrow defeat in the State of Georgia 2020 election.

Trial is set to take place at the beginning of August but a date has not been set yet.

The Mar-a-Lago documents case is next. It focuses on whether Mr Trump mishandled classified documents by moving documents from the White House to his Mar-a-Lago residence. Most of the counts are for the willful retention of national defence information, which incidentally falls under the Espionage Act.

Prosecutors want the trial to start in July but Trump and his lawyers want to put it off till after the presidential election.

There you have it. The former president and the current Republican nominee is facing an explosive amount of legal battles that could derail his run for the presidency, however, as I have said before “Orange Jesus” is like a cat with nine lives. If you ask me, he’s going to walk away with a light tap on his fingers, a cat that swallowed the cream smile plastered on his orange face and a HUGE click of his heels as he goes on his merry way only to create more havoc in the near future.

The Strength Within

I am learning as I go along that nothing stays the same. Life is an ever-changing landscape, sometimes good and sometimes bad. The good times come in waves and sometimes not at all and the bad, well it has a tendency to strike when you least expect it.

“Expect the unexpected and accept the twists and turns of life’s journey.” Unknown

Something was wrong. My body has a way of letting me know and so it was a week ago. I couldn’t shake the feeling and the symptoms made it clear so off I went to the doctor. A blood test later, he gives me the bad news. I felt myself growing smaller and my first response as it usually is with anything that has a tendency to change my life was, “Why? This is so UNFAIR!” Unfair or not, there it was staring me in the face and as I sat there, feeling small and insignificant, I blurted out, “I can beat this. Just watch me!” The doctor stared back with a somber look on his face, or was it sympathy I saw. He said, “You can try but a part of you is not functioning as it should.” I gulped but I had my brave face on. I walked out of there with my heart pumping fast but with a clear resolve to go deep within and grasp at the dwindling supply of my inner reserves, the place I go to when “ME” as a human is unable to deal with whatever that has thrown my world in a kilter. I went looking for the strength within. It has come to my rescue in times past so why not now?

“Sometimes the strength within you is not a big fiery flame for all to see, it is just a tiny spark that whispers softly, ‘You’ve got this, keep going.” Unknown

That was a week and a half ago. Since then I’ve cried, berated and shaken my fist at nothing in particular. After that, I put a plan of action in place. Friends have offered advice and help BUT when it comes down to the inevitable, it is you and you alone who will have to put on the armor and do battle against an invisible enemy, one that has the power to do more damage than you can ever imagine.

Cut back on stress, change your diet, workout, meditate and yoga are all on my plan to beat this thing. It has the potential to destroy if not reeled in. Knowing that, I am not taking it lightly. I have made some progress but it needs constant work and that right there is the HARD part. I’ve faced “HARD” before and it is nothing new but what if it is outside my control this time around? That’s a scary question and I am not looking for the answers right now. Focus, I tell myself, show fear the door and keep on forging straight ahead and that is what I plan and need to do.

“And one has to understand that braveness is not the absence of fear but rather the strength to keep on going forward despite the fear.” Paulo Coelho

Waking up to each new day is a challenge now. I have a blank slate to fill with things to do to get better. I tell myself that I have the strength to beat this thing. Taking one step at a time combined with resolve, I plan to chip away at this unseen monster and hope it gives way kow-towing to the strength within. There is hope.

“One day you will tell your story of how you overcame what you went through and it will be someone else’s survival guide.” Brene Brown

The Simple Things

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I woke up this morning ready to enjoy the day and to make the simple things count. Doing the mundane things first like having breakfast, my first cup of coffee, getting ready, cleaning up, I decided that it was time to do what I enjoy the most.

It was still pretty early when my furry four-legged friend reminded me that it was time to get up and get the day started. Looking outside, it looked like it was going to be a fantastic spring day. The cherry tree out front was in full bloom and it was a sight to behold. The sun was taking its time showing up this morning but that wasn’t going to deter me. I could feel the call of the wide-open fields as it does every morning so it was on with my walking shoes, a light jacket sans scarf and off I went.

The fields were as they always are, welcoming, serene and beautiful but only now they were wearing their spring outfits and it suited them just fine. The pink and white blossoms were glorious and the green fields simply full of life. Everything was coming alive taking its cue from Mother Nature. As I approached slowly taking in the sights and sounds that is familiar to me, I took the well-worn path and headed towards the apple trees. There was no one in sight and that is exactly how I like it.

The sky was littered with puffy white clouds and up above a slight drone of an airplane could be heard. On one side of the pathway, a duck pair had taken permanent residence or at least for a short while. They quacked in unison as I walked by acknowledging my presence or simply saying hello. A few feet away, two crows were cawing raucously their voices rough and not too pleasant as a silver-streaked hawk sat close-by watching them with glee in its eyes. I looked for the rabbits that I had seen the other day, they had been hopping and jumping and chasing each other but today they were nowhere to be seen. Perhaps it was too cold and they were tucked away deep in their burrows enjoying the warmth in their cozy hideaways.

Further up the path, both sides were green with oilseed rape plants their stalks heavy with bloom and soon the brilliant yellow will appear and when framed against the bright blue skies, an absolutely gorgeous sight indeed. The apple trees are just starting to bud and coming awake from their winter’s sleep and soon the pink and white blossoms will fill the air with their sweet scent for all to enjoy.

Nature has a wonderful way of reminding us that the simple things are still the best things that life has to offer and in so doing it anchors us to where we need to be. Leave it to Mother Nature to teach us that everything has a time and place and combined with patience, it will show itself as it was intended.

It was a great walk and I felt like a million dollars after having indulged in the simplest of things which helped to make my soul soar and that my friends is my start to a wonderful day ahead. I hope!

“The most simple things can bring the most happiness. If the sight of the blue skies fills you with joy, if a blade of grass springing up in the fields has power to move you, if the simple things of nature have a message that you understand, rejoice, for your soul is alive.” Unknown

The Dating No-Gooders

I’m sure you’ve heard of the saying, “Don’t hitch your cart to a falling star.” In the dating world if you’re looking for Mr. Right, the saying is, “Don’t hitch your cart to the wrong guy.”

It is easy to do if you’re beyond caring if the right one comes along or not and anyone will do. However, if you’re still holding on to hope and waiting, pay attention to the signals and the ones below are not the ONE!

THE CHEATER

“A mistake is something that happens accidentally. Cheating and lying are not accidents, they are choices.” Unknown

“Cheating on a good person is like throwing away a diamond and picking up a rock.” Unknown

Do you think a cheater cares? If he has done it once, he’s going to do it again. They are not worth your time, heartache, pain and whatever else these worthless individuals who rank low on the integrity level bring into the relationship, if you can call it a relationship. Shut the door and move on and don’t give them the time of day!

THE LIAR

“A liar deceives himself more than anyone, for he believes he can remain a person of good character when he cannot.” Richelle E. Goodrich

“One lie is enough to question all the truth.” Samaira Ansari

Most are seasoned liars and they can lie without blinking an eye. The ones you need to watch out for are “pathological liars.” “They are frequently untruthful for no good reason.” Why? Simply because they can get away with it and they probably get an adrenaline rush each time they do it.

THE ANGRY GUY

“There are some people who always seem angry and continuously look for conflict. Walk away; the battle they are fighting isn’t with you, it is with themselves.” Wijsheid, Zelfzorg

“Anger resembles fire. Like the fire, if you keep feeding it, it will get stronger, and harm you. If you stop feeding anger with your attention, it will fade away.” Remez Sasson

Walk away before it gets out of control. You don’t want to be walking on a minefield all the time and watch it go BOOM every step you take. An angry guy has his problems, let him deal with it without you in the picture.

THE NARCISSIST

One of the distinquishing features of a narcissist is no empathy. They do not CARE about you. As such, you rank low on the totem pole and time and again you will wind up asking why? There are no clear-cut answers, it is a disorder and you don’t want to get entangled in it. Leave him alone, move on and don’t look back!

THE JEALOUS GUY

“Jealousy is an inner consciousness of one’s own inferiority. It a a mental cancer.” B. C. Turber

You can spot this individual a mile away, if not when you go on a couple of dates. Suddenly, you are his property. Do not bat or wink at someone else is the message. You’ll wonder what hit you but if you’re smart get out before you have to walk six steps behind this guy!

EMOITIONALLY UNAVAILABLE MEN (EUM)

He looks normal but he is NOT!

“He.will.always. be incapable of having a genuine emotional connection with anyone, himself being first on that list.” Natasha Adamo

“Your basic needs will be too much for an emotionally unavailable person.” The MindsJournal.

Unfortunately, the EUM is hard to spot. They appear caring and loving but as you move deeper into the relationship, the signal blares and says DANGER! They are always on the chase for new conquests because they are incapable of committing and the closer they get to someone they RUN in the opposite direction. Like the narcissist, they could care less about YOU, it is all about them. Not someone you want to get in a relationship with. He’ll tell you he loves you one day be gone the next without so much as a text!

There are plenty of good men out there. Know what to look for and hitch your cart to the right person, the one who is going to fly you to the stars NOT the one who will make you crash and burn!

Be safe and here’s to finding Mr. Right.