The Danger Zone

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It happened when I threw caution to the winds and decided to let loose just a little. It was spontaneity of the reckless kind. I was at a point in my life when I wanted to be someone different. Perhaps, I wanted to see how the other side lived. Having towed the line all my life, I decided that it was time to take a little risk. I didn’t know at the time that it was a big one!

I can’t recall exactly when it happened but it was a long time ago. I met this Brit and he seemed nice. He invited me to come to the UK and to spend some days there. I decided to do just that. After all, it was the new me and “spontaneous” was my middle name at the time. I hopped on a plane, got off at Gatwick Airport I think but I’m not sure. He was there waiting all 6′ 3″ of him. Yes, he was tall! We hugged and then it was a long drive to his place. Yes, I was taking it all the way! He offered that I stay at his place during my visit and I accepted, however in separate bedrooms.

Things started out just fine, we talked, went for a walk, and enjoyed the time together. Evening rolled around and we went out to dinner. It was nice but I can’t remember where we went. We came back to his place and he put on some music and invited me to dance. Well, I wouldn’t call it dancing, we just moved to the music and then the mood changed. The kissing started and the next thing I knew I was pinned on the couch and with him on top of me! I tried pushing but he was a big guy. I mumbled, “no.” Still he kept on. I knew I was in trouble, big trouble. I mustered my courage from within and PUSHED and shouted, “NO! I said NO!” Luckily for me, he was not looking for a one-night stand. He wanted more so he stopped.

I rushed into the bedroom and shut the door behind me and barricaded myself in there. Staying there the rest of the night, I called the airline to book a return flight. I wanted out of there as quickly as I could. They had a flight the day after and I took it. The next morning, I came out of the room and he was there making breakfast. A full-on English breakfast with the works including homemade bread. We ate in silence and then he said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.” I nodded thankful that I had escaped unscathed and it could have gone the other way.

We spent the day going to places of interest but the mood was subdued and I just wanted to leave. I recall we were at a park along a shopping street and we were passing a jewelry store and he said, “Let’s go in.” There were some pretty pieces and he picked a beautiful blue Topaz pendant with a necklace and asked if they had matching earrings. Of course, they had! They wanted to make a sale and I was really hesitant and said, “I don’t need them.” But he insisted and bought me the pieces. We left the store and I was on high alert. I wondered what he had in store for me next. Turned out he was trying to make up for what happened the night before. The rest of the day and night were uneventful and I left the next morning and he drove me to the airport, we hugged and he said, “We’ll be in touch.”

I still have the necklace and earrings but I have never worn them. Every time I look at them, it reminds me of a time when I was not only spontaneous but DUMB as well! I have never done something that stupid again but that’s not to say that I haven’t been in similar situations but nothing that dangerous.

“The best times in life are usually random, unplanned and completely spontaneous.” Unknown

True, but before you decide to throw caution to the winds, know that you may not be as lucky as I was! Assess the risks and go from there.

What happened to the guy? We kept in touch but I clammed up and it went nowhere. That was the end of that. It was a lesson in spontaneity that will remain with me for the rest of my life.

Daily writing prompt
What’s the most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done?
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Two Weeks to Go!

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Time sure does fly but I’m not having fun! It is four weeks after my first operation and things are going well. When I bring up the second OP to friends and how nervous I am they say, “You’ll be just fine! Look at how well you did with the first one.”

My thought, “Please don’t jinx it!” Yeah, I’m superstitious but more than that this second one coming up is bugging me. It will be a similar procedure and they’ll be going in the same way so this means the healing that has taken place so far will be disturbed once again and that is a scary thought. What if it doesn’t heal this second time around?

Yes, those “what ifs,” are more than scary. I’ve packed my bag, a smaller one than the last time since I didn’t use most of the stuff I brought with me. I hung out in the hospital “Krankenhauskittel” as they call it here with a kimono thrown over for modesty. A kittel is a hospital gown,that has a gaping opening at the back. I hated it but it did the job well enough and I felt as free as a bird as well! Just kidding.

If I’m lucky they’ll let me go home the same day after the operation. What?!! Exactly what I said but the doctors think that I should be okay. If anything like severe bleeding happens, call emergency services immediately and come back in was what they said. I’m a worrywart so all kinds of things are going through my head. What if I have severe bleeding? What if my blood pressure dips? What if I lose consciousness? What if? What if? What if? Get the picture? I am a doctor’s worst nightmare!

Anyway, next week I will meet with the doctors for a last minute talk so I can ask away to my heart’s content. No, actually they will do the prep which will take about 3 to 4 hours. Why that long? The last time I went through this, I met with different people, had a needle stuck in me, blood was taken, urine sample was next and then the doctors came in. I had a whole lot of questions for them all compiled by my Google doctors and by the time I left, they had heard an earful! This time around will be no different. I am prepared and I have a pageful of questions!

Google doctors are NOT real people!

I know but I like them a lot and I think they like me. Keeping them busy is what I do on a daily basis and I will say this, they know what they are talking about. I got loads of help from them this last time and they helped with the healing process.

I can hear my friend screaming, “I still hate them!” He means Google.

I don’t, I have a love affair going with all of them or is it just one? I don’t know and I don’t care!

The question I left out this time is, “Will I die?!!” Otherwise, I have all the pertinent questions, at least I think they are. I am pepping myself up, working out, yes working out. I am up to 30 minutes now with the walking and I have started strength training as well. So far, so good.

I haven’t taken a walk to the fields yet. That might be pushing it so I’ll leave it out for now. I went grocery shopping with a friend today and she did all the heavy lifting since I am still watching that part of it carefully. I walk up and down the stairs with no problems and I’m basically doing the mundane day to day stuff with no problems. Of course, I’m watching my diet but I did buy two slices of cheesecake and I took one tablespoon of it and knew it was a mistake so they are still sitting in the fridge. My Chilean friend, Max, will be coming by later this morning to help me with something so that will be his reward along with a nice cup of coffee.

I hope I don’t start climbing walls again when the time draws closer. Knowing me I’ll not only be climbing walls but staying up there once I get there!

Let’s see how this goes.

Have an amazing day.

Human Nature

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What is human nature? One explanation refers to “the fundamental characteristics, ways of thinking, feeling, and acting that are generally considered to be inherent to human beings.” One can say we are pre-programmed to act in a certain way when faced with certain situations but nurture and social experiences do play a part in shaping individual behaviors as to how we react to certain outside stimuli.

Here are some quotes that speak to the heart of the matter.

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity and I ‘m not sure about the universe.” Albert Einstein

“It is human nature to think wisely and act in an absurd fashion.” Anatole France

I totally agree with this assumption. Been there and done that many times over!

“Human nature is deeply ingrained despite our best efforts difficult to change.” Unknown

This one shines the spotlight on the problem itself. Stupidity and stubbornness sometimes or often go hand-in-hand making it a lose-lose situation.

“It’s human nature to remember only what you want to remember and forget what you want to forget, or transform it into a different story.” Unknown

We are all good storytellers so I definitely agree with the transformation part so much so to our own detriment.

“I hate it when people argue in public and I’ve missed the beginning so I don’t know whose side I’m on.” Unknown

This too is human nature.

“People will question all the good things they hear about you but believe all the bad without a second thought.” Unknown

Human nature at its best?

“I chose the road less traveled and now I don’t know where I am.” Unknown

ME TOO!

“Even if you give them everything that they ask for, it’ll never be enough.” Unknown

Are we talking about men here?

Finally….

THE LAWS OF HUMAN NATURE

“You are not a pawn in a game controlled by others; you are an active player who can move the pieces at will and even rewrite the rules.” Robert Greene

There you go. You are not stuck where you are and you have the ability to change your life. You just need to start moving in the right direction. What about human nature? Tell it to take a hike!

Have an amazing day.

Importance of Self-Care

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“Every time you make a commitment to your own self-care, self-love and self-respect and then follow through, you build trust in yourself.” Miranda J. Barrett

Self-care is a priority with me. I used to take care of everyone and forgot about me in the long run but these days I realize that self-care is one of the most important thing you can do for yourself and your well-being.

No matter what happens during the day, there is time set aside to take care of the inner me as well as my outer self. Selfish? Absolutely not. It is needed to show up for yourself. No one else is going to do it for you. It can be as simple as a walk in nature which costs nothing but gives so much in return. My mind clears up and I get an energy boost just by being out there taking in what nature has to offer and it is plenty.

Meditation is a go to for stress relief. I spend about 30 minutes a day meditating. Shutting down the mind is a must and in my case, it is an absolute must since mine jumps around like a monkey!

Beauty rituals are another must. The outside needs as much care as the inside so I set aside the weekend for the essentials, or rather what I call the essentials. Facials, skincare, peels, hair masks, and other things that make Chachi, the cat, cringe in disbelief. He thinks I look like the creature from the black lagoon and since he has lived nine lives and one of them being in Cleopatra’s close circle, he understands perfectly well where I’m coming from but still he shakes his head and looks away until I am back to being me sans the mud and stuff plastered on my face and body!

I have many rituals, I won’t go into all of them but self-care has always been a part of my life. I wouldn’t call it being vain but a necessity. You don’t have to spend a fortune, but there are many ways of taking care of yourself. Sometimes I do spend money but I feel that it is money well-spent.

Take care of yourself, put energy and effort into it, because nothing ever happens by itself and in the long run it will be well worth it.

Next question please…..

Daily writing prompt
How do you make time for self-care?
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Home is Where the Heart is?

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This is a hard one for me. I’ve lived on three continents, not just for a short while but each of those places were “home” for a certain timespan. It was never that hard to adjust until I came to Germany.

I don’t know why but I had a really hard time with calling it home for some reason. Perhaps it was the closed society, the conservativeness, and most of all the fact that I didn’t speak the language well. I wanted my “FREEDOM” and I wanted to go back home. There it is again. I was feeling like I didn’t belong and “home” was far away from here. It felt like I was visiting but “home” was something else entirely.

Then I left for a short while and went back home. I realized that I was a stranger in my own land having been away for a long time. The trip was coming to an end and I wanted to go HOME! Guess where that was? Back to Germany and when I stepped off that plane and saw my ex waiting for me, I knew I was home! Strange?

I think home is where you feel comfortable, where your soul feels respite, and it is a place where your heart resides. This once strange land with its idiosyncrasies is home now. I don’t question it, I just accept the fact that this is why I lay my head at night, and when I get up in the mornings and stare out the window, I AM HOME!

Daily writing prompt
What’s a place you visited that felt like home?
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When Silence Speaks (Archives)

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Sometimes we think that silence is just that, a certain quietness where nothing happens. It is a void that is soothing but nothing much comes out of it. I beg to differ. I have found that if you listen carefully, “silence” has much to say.

“It’s been said that actions speak louder than words, sometimes, it’s what you don’t say or do, that sends the loudest message.” Carlos Wallace

Quite often when something doesn’t go our way and we are hurt by another’s words or actions, the first reaction is to let it rip. Let it all out and show them how you feel and during those moments, words are aplenty and so are emotions. However, when all is said and done and you are wrung dry, more often than not you realize that you didn’t achieve anything through those outbursts of the unsavory kind.

“Once you’ve matured, you realize silence is more powerful than proving a point.” Unknown

Maturity doesn’t show up wearing bells and it does not say, “Here I am, take me and use me.” It shows up when you least expect it and when you’ve gone though the growing up process. The one that takes you on the ups and downs, the one where you find yourself down on your knees and the one that shows you there is a better way of doing things without going ballistic. It is the quiet gentle knowledge of knowing that you deserve better and you will move on with grace. No shouting or being loud needed.

“And suddenly I stopped explaining, stopped fixing, and just moved on. I learned that silence speaks louder than words. No response is a response. Now, I don’t chase. I don’t care and I let people feel the weight of their own choices.” Unknown

Easier said than done? I know because I’ve been there. Things are hard and life is harder still but learning to navigate choppy waters is a must if you want life to let up on you. If something doesn’t go your way, take it in stride. If someone doesn’t choose you, let him or her go. If life isn’t going like it’s supposed to, stop, take note, and then move on knowing that whatever it is that life throws your way, you are fully capable of handling it. Let silence be your guide and your best friend. There is much to be learned during your bout with silence if you’ll only listen.

“Silence is not empty, it is the loudest answer.” Unknown

Not only that, it gives you the ability to get your message across WITHOUT SAYING A WORD!

Try it the next time you want to let someone have what is coming to them or you are chomping at the bit to say your piece. Stop and move in silence.

Have an amazing day.

Letting Go of Fear

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Fear has been my constant companion for as long as I can remember. I never make a decision without fear by my side. When I do make that decision whatever it is, you can be sure that fear had a hand in it.

“Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears.” Les Brown

This quote speaks to the heart of the matter where I’m concerned. Fear has stopped me from achieving so much more and even though it has kept me from danger, I should have given it a boot out the front door at a much earlier time in my life.

It is still here but it doesn’t have the power it used to have. I still listen when it speaks and I still tow the line before I step forward but these days I’m my own person and I make my own decisions.

“Living with fear stops us taking risks, and if you don’t go out on the branch, you’re never going to get the best fruit.” Sarah Parish

AND

“Don’t fear failure so much that you refuse to try new things. The saddest summary of a life contains three descriptions: could have, might have, and should have.” Louis E. Boone

Give fear the attention it deserves but DO NOT let it run your life!

Daily writing prompt
What’s one thing you wish you had started doing earlier in life?
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