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LOL!

I found this totally hilarious and true to a T! I’ve had a couple of them pull up behind me and they scared the h**l out of me! So this one resonates totally.

DIARY OF A BMW DRIVER..

The other day I was cruising along as usual coming onto one of my motorways, which was very busy with inferior cars

First off, I couldn’t believe that the volume of traffic DIDN’T slow down for me AT ALL as I came off the slip road! I had to squeeze into a barely big enough gap between two cars in order to get onto my motorway!

The driver of the car behind me did realise his mistake though and honked an apology to me with a long blast of his horn.

Unbelievably, I had to do the same again before I could get to the BMW lane.

Anyway, once I was in the BMW lane and posing along at 110 mph enjoying the adulation that the inferior car drivers were giving me, I noticed an inferior car ahead of me which was not only in the BMW lane of my motorway, but was driving at a ridiculous 70 mph!

Naturally, I got within a foot or so of his rear bumper and flashed my headlights to remind him he shouldn’t be in the BMW lane of my motorway and to get out of my way.

Of course, once he realised it was a BMW behind him, he did just that, but I could hardly believe it when he pulled straight back out behind me!

He also tried to keep up with me and when he realised I would out-run him, he put on some blue lights in his front grill and urged me to get onto the hard shoulder so that he could congratulate me on my excellent car.

Needless to say, I was eager to oblige and when we had stopped, the man gave me a piece of paper confirming what I already knew – that my car goes fast!

Apparently he wants everyone to know what a superior car I have, so I had to take my drivers licence to a police station to be sent away to have some points put on! (They’re not free points either – they’re £20 each and I was only allowed 3.) But the man at the police station said that because I drive a BMW, it won’t be much longer before I earn the full 12 points, and then I won’t even NEED a driving licence, so they will take it off me!

See, now THAT’S the sort of respect you get when you own and drive a BMW!

I Need a Break…

I need a break from overthinking! It is a problem that I deal with everyday. No matter what happens in my life or doesn’t happen, I am in the overthinking mode! It takes hold and I bring different scenarios into the picture AND spend time working on solutions for non-existent problems!

It is a waste of time I know but at times I can’t control my mind. I call it the “monkey” because it hops around too much and runs the gamut without an okay from me! It also keeps me from the task at hand because I’m busy chasing it around! Perhaps, all or some writers have that problem. We are creative people and imagination runs wild, it does with me anyway.

I am reeling it in by concentrating on the here and now. This method works but not always because I love being in that imaginary world where the “monkey” has the upper hand. Walking helps and being out in nature definitely helps to soothe the mind and to calm it, meditation does too but it is constant work to keep it in check and it is tiring to say the least. So, I need a break from constant overthinking.

Daily writing prompt

Do you need a break? From what?

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Laughter is the Best Medicine

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

Experts say “that laughter might raise the pain threshold and improve glucose tolerance, have positive effects on the immune system, and lower blood pressure.” Furthermore, “it enhances your intake of oxygen-rich air, stimulates your heart, lungs and muscles, and increases the endorphins that are released by your brain.”

However, humor can’t cure all ailments but according to the mayoclinic.org, it has the ability to stimulate many organs, it helps to activate and relieve your stress response and it can soothe tension. These are just some short-term effects. The long-term effects can improve your immune system, help to relieve pain by releasing natural pain killers, increase personal satisfaction and improve the mood.

A daily dose of laughter can do wonders it seems. So here are a few jokes to get you started.

Police Inspector: Why didn’t you report your stolen credit card?

Husband: The thief was spending less than my wife.

Police Inspector: Then why are you reporting it now?

Husband: I think now the thief’s wife has started using it.

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Two men were talking about their wives. The first man says, “My wife is an angel..” The second man says, “You’re lucky! Mine’s still alive.”

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You know you’re getting old when your wife says, “Honey, let’s run upstairs and make love,” and your answer, “I can’t do both.”

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Doctor: “Do you do dangerous sports?”

Patient: “Well, sometimes I talk back to my wife.”

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When a wife says, “Do what you want” – seriously dude, don’t do what you want. Instead, stand still and do not even blink.”

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And now for all the single men out there.

Dear Grooms, once you get married, remember that when you discuss with your wife, always get the last two words right. ”Yes, dear.”

Feel better? I know I am feeling much better.

Have an amazing day.

The Mobile Phone

It was a major technological invention. You can call it the mobile phone, handy, cell phone or whatever, I can’t see myself without it. It is my go to when things go wrong and I never leave home without it. What did we ever do without this invention? We had a hard time that’s what.

This handy little gadget makes home banking a breeze, calling for help if you are stranded somewhere even more so and if you need to know something, Google is just a tap away!

I like the feeling of knowing that I have more than a companion tucked away in my jacket and help is just a phone call away. I also like the convenience of calling friends when I am out on a walk, sipping coffee in a cafe and having the little gadget close by and the convenience of having a to-do list all ready to be fulfilled with a glance and nothing more.

I know that I can’t see myself without this Jack of All Trades and much much more. I consider it the best invention of my lifetime for all the reasons stated above.

The Blizzard

This year has seen more than its share of snow and it is a never-ending saga! The kind that I hope ends pretty soon and makes way for milder weather. Two days ago, we got dumped! I mean it (snow) moved in unexpectedly and dumped about 20 inches of snow, enough to keep this village covered in white for quite a while! The problem, it took three or more times of clearing and salting to keep it at bay!

When it was finished with its handywork, we were covered in snow. The trees looked straight out of a postcard, every branch covered in white and it was a sight to behold. The streets looked impenetrable and everything was at a standstill. Nothing moved out there. It was a snow-covered landscape and if you didn’t have to be out in it, you stayed home with lots of coffee and warmth to keep you company as I did.

One neighbor said, “Enough already!” as she walked past while I was clearing the snow away and I echo that sentiment wholeheartedly. It is time for winter to go or at least the constant influx of snow! I’ve had my fill and I suppose so have many other people around here.

I’ve been keeping tabs on the weather forecast and the prediction is more snow and rain tomorrow! However, the temperature will be going up but just a little. We are not out of the woods yet but as with all things, this too shall pass as they say.

I took a walk in the fields yesterday and it was covered in pea soup thick fog and visibility was next to zero. The fields were covered in heavy snowfall and it was a blinding white enough to warrant sunglasses! It was a pretty sight nonetheless.

Have an amazing day.

The Little Big Voice

We’ve all heard it whenever we do something wrong, or think we have done something wrong. We hear it when we take a fall, when we fail or when we know it is wrong and still do it only to find out that it was the wrong thing to do. It is at these times that the “inner critic” within is the loudest.

It yells, “Are you stupid? Why did you do that?”

It shouts, “You knew better but YOU still had to do that! WHY?”

“Your inner critic is the voice of your fear with a megaphone.” Unknown

There are other such moments but you get the picture. According to http://www.imermelbpsychology.com.au., your inner critic is that voice in your head that has a cold, demanding, harsh, punishing or mean quality to it,” and if you look deeper or further, “It is usually experienced as an inner voice attacking a person, saying that they are bad, wrong, inadequate, worthless, guilty and so on.” wikipedia.org

It is not a nice little voice and sometimes it booms when it wants to be heard. It has a tendency to make you feel anxious and often it magnifies the bad and minimizes the good in our lives. However, the inner critic is not something you’re born with but it is developed during childhood when a child often hears harsh criticism from “parents, caretakers, teachers and peers,” and it can change the way the brain develops. When it is given constant reinforcement of such negativity it helps to internalize self-judgment and a critical stance of oneself. The unhealthy inner critic leans towards destructive criticism and it can produce feelings of shame, low self-esteem, depression, self-doubt and it can undermine your self-confidence.

“Your inner critic re-affirms untruths about yourself that you have internalized to be true.” Athena Laz

This little big voice is not your cheerleader but it is very adapt at giving you the constant thumbs-down whenever you question something you’ve done or have thought about. Instead of bolstering you up, it joins in to tear you down and dances to the tune with glee. It is also exhausting, demoralizing and tells you in its loudest voice that you are not enough.

“The negative self-talk from your inner critic can be soothed by increasing your self-compassion and self kindness.” @heytiffanyroe

According to jessicaabel.com, you can soften that harsh and demanding voice. “When you access your inner critic and give it space and self-compassion, it will be more likely to ease up on you. When we slow down, ask questions, and take a breath; when we stop and don’t try to overwhelm and undermine that voice, we’re likely to find a little bit of wisdom about something that needs to be healed.”

“Understanding how the critical inner voice has affected your actions and held you back from opportunities will open your eyes to the power you have given to your inner critic.” Usha Maharaj

Turning down the volume on all that criticism, sort of taking away that megaphone to hush that loud and critical voice is one way to do it. Slaying it is not the answer because a little bit of “inner critic” is a good thing. Letting it get out of hand is another thing altogether and learning to respond to it is a good thing as well. This takes a lot of practice because you have to switch from silencing your inner critic to listening to it with empathy. Recruit it and add it your team. That seems like a good idea because we can all use some extra help in building us up and I think it (the inner critic) wants to help but unlike your intuition which has your best interest at heart, this spoiled and often loud voice just needs some taming to make it work for you.

If all else fails, you can:

“Press the switch off button to your inner critic and start being awesome.” Unknown

Have an amazing day.

My Ideal Day

How would I describe it? I want to say I would do nothing the whole day long but that is not me so let’s see.

I would stay in my PJs all day if I could! Since that is a no go, I would stay in them part of the day, have a long leisurely breakfast in bed, watch the news and then “hauntings” on TV. I love to spook myself.

After breakfast, I would check emails, write, have another cup of coffee and venture out into the clear blue yonder. A walk in nature would be next on the list and for this I would have to change into sweats. The thing about this village is people don’t care. The women show up in their night clothes, sometimes with rollers in their hair and looking like they had just got out of bed and show up at the bakery or the butcher ready to do what needs to get done. It is an old, old, village and tradition reigns supreme. Not dressing up is one of them! I am trying to not go in that direction but it’s tempting!

Lunch would be a simple affair and more writing would follow if my mind allows it. Some days I draw blanks. A break in between would include workouts of my choice and at the moment it is a combination of cardio and weights. Dinner would be soup and a slice of toast, back into pjs and time to relax and watch some TV. Just before bed, it is meditation time to clear the mind of all that is not needed. Throw in “no problems” and that would make it an ideal day if not a perfect one.

Daily writing prompt

Describe your most ideal day from beginning to end.

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The Dating World

I put a stop to dating towards the end of last year because I was up to my neck with meeting the no-good-two-timing types! All was nice and quiet in my world after that without the constant hassle of meeting one or the other of these types. Chachi, the cat, was perfectly fine with this decision. In fact, he went around the house carrying a banner that read, “I’m in heaven!”

Needless to say, I decided to give it another try. I put on my magnifying glasses and went through the parade of potentials all eager to meet the woman of their dreams! I was on the same boat. I wanted to meet that one special guy as well. Nope, I haven’t given up hope yet.

I had many invites but since I had my double-strength magnifying glasses on, nothing panned out. Okay, they were nice guys and I even had some conversations going with one or the other. However, I was not out of my recluse mode yet so I kept making excuses.

Then two days ago, I got an invite that blew me out of the water! It was from a tall, muscular guy and below the “Hello” was a pic of a blonde woman holding a champagne glass. She was nicely built and looked like she had been around the block several times, if you know what I mean. If you don’t, it doesn’t matter. So, he wrote me an epistle introducing himself and his partner, the blonde woman. They were looking for a third party to join in their festivities and if that wasn’t enough, he wanted to add their “sweet” dog into the mix for added fun!

I’m straight as an arrow and at first, I didn’t know what he was talking about. After reading it through three times and still at a loss for words, I asked a friend and he explained it in his no-nonsense way. They were looking for a threesome! Not only that, the dog would be part and parcel of this adventure! Oh God! Why do I always run into such things?

All I want is this nice guy who will look at me like I’m manna from heaven and be satisfied with that! No go? Well, it seems like it is a no go. I kept my silence and hoped he would go away. However, I kept getting pics of this blonde woman showing off more skin than I thought was possible and attaching captions that read something like this. “I like you. I think you are pretty.”

Am I blushing? Absolutely. So, I put a stop to it but nicely. The “nice” part is where all my problems begin. Anyway, I explained that I was not into what they wanted and wished them all the best. Surprisingly, he was nice, wished me the same and I never heard from him again. Now, I would like to know what is with that DOG?!! I can tell you one thing, it is no Chachi. My little guy is as innocent as Peter Pan but this dog, well, it has been around the block as well! The poor thing.

Anyway, that was one fiasco. Then another one showed up. A well-heeled German who had made tons of money from real-estate. He loved spending half the year in Germany and the other half in Florida. He is currently in Florida enjoying winter and feeling LONELY. He found me and we talked. “I’m looking for that special someone to complete the picture.” Hmm….I guess he wanted the little woman who will do all his bidding. Last night, he called and invited me to come visit and to spend a week or two at his hacienda. Well, I mean his huge spacious house complete with a pool and a jacuzzi to boot! Where do I find these guys? Exactly my question.

I told him it was a no go. I’m not going to drop everything and go spend time with someone I hardly know. Guess what? If you don’t get what you want, it becomes more interesting. He is on the chase and I hate to say it but I’m a tough nut to crack and add a little “crazy” to that and you get the picture.

The dating world is a hard one. You don’t always get what you want and even though “kissing” frogs come into play and you keep your sights peeled for the one and only, you will have to wade through a lot more mud to get there, if you get there that is.

Sad, but true.

Have an amazing day.

Significant Life Events

I feel significant events have shaped my perspective on life and I suppose it goes without saying.

Divorce or rather the breakup of my marriage made me sit up and take off those rose-colored glasses. I was naive and thought it would last forever but “forevers” are for fairytales not real life. I started looking at life from a different perspective and trust is an issue I deal with constantly. It is getting better but it will take a long time to overcome and to trust again. It is an uphill battle.

Death is another significant event that showed me life is very temporary. Here today, gone tomorrow comes to mind. Losing my mom and then a dear close friend showed me how fragile life is.

These two significant events have caused major impacts on my life. I can say it was not for the better but I did learn some lessons from them and that is life is fleeting and trust takes time. Trust takes a lifetime to build and just seconds to destroy. Pay attention to that because it is the absolute truth.

The Zoomies

What is that?!! Well, I found out the hard way. Chachi, the cat, decided that it was time to let his “Zoomies,” out and not in a nice way! Last night was a horror trip.

It started out as usual with me getting ready for bed and Little Einstein doing his bit as well. He was into cleaning himself but in an aggressive manner as he let out some snorts as he went about his business. I guess he was frustrated. Who wouldn’t be? That little tongue of his does a mighty big job and last night was no different. When he finished, he eyed me with a look on his face that I hadn’t seen before. It wasn’t “love unconditional” but something else and soon the horror trip would begin.

It started out with slight bunny hops across the bed. Not too bad. I thought, whatever floats your boat. Then he ran across the bed with a loud meow. I asked, “What is wrong with you? Settle down!” Nope, it wasn’t working. He decided to take it a notch higher. He ran around the room, over and over again. Oh God, I was in for it. A few minutes later, he jumped back on the bed but this time he wanted to get my full attention. He ran across from one end of the bed to the other and as if that wasn’t enough, he JUMPED over my head! Not once, not twice but over and over again! Jumping out of bed, I tried to get him but the Little Snort was a lot quicker and he dashed under the bed and stayed there meowing his you know what off! I was at a loss for words so I GOOGLED. Yes, my go to bible for everything that is wrong with this world. Mine, I mean.

I found out that cats get the Zoomies now and then. Another word for it is (FRAPs) or rather Frenetic Random Activity Periods. It is primarily done “to release pent-up energy from long periods of rest, satisfying their instincts as crepuscular (dawn/dusk) ambush predators by mimicking hunting sprints, and sometimes due to excitement or even post-poop stimulation, providing a natural, healthy burst of cardiovascular exercise and endorphins.”

Lord have mercy! I knew I was in for a sleepless night amongst other things. The article further went on to say that “Zoomies mimic the chase, pounce, and sprint of hunting, tapping into their core predatory nature, even if they’re just chasing a dust bunny.” I guess I was the dust bunny!

How to Manage Zoomies

Schedule playtime. Help them to burn up some pent-up energy. Provide scratching posts and toys to keep them busy. Be consistent. More stimulation during the day leads to less frantic behavior at night.

Hmm…the little rascal gets enough stimulation BUT he prefers to sleep during the day, goes to bed at 7 in the evening and is up before the sun comes up! His toy box sees a lot of activity during the night and the stuffed birds cower in fear when he gets a hold of them and rightfully so!

Last night was something to remember. I had never seen him that way before but this little furball has lots up his furry arm that I’m not aware of. It was a rude awakening BUT I’ll take it in stride as I do with all the other stuff that he puts me through. Yes, he has got me wrapped around his paws and that is not going to change any time soon. AND he knows it!

Have an amazing day.