learning – Site Title

My All Time Favorite Subject

It was hands down English. I saw “magic” in this subject because I was able to paint pictures with my words. Even at a young age, I became fascinated with it and did everything possible to be the best where English was concerned. It involved spending hours and hours of learning the vocabulary, learning to spell words correctly and to excel in writing. The time spent paid off. I became teacher’s pet and she always called on me when something needed to be explained and or made clear to the classroom. I was proud as a peacock as I walked to the front of the room and proceeded to lay it on thick! I could see her watching me with a beautiful smile plastered on her face and not only that, she was beautiful to boot. I still remember her today and the push or was it a shove that she gave me made me excel in this subject.

Math could have been another favorite subject but I had a teacher who made it hell for me. Unlike the English teacher, he had it in for me! I learned to hate Math and didn’t spend much time with Algebra, Geometry or whatever else he had to throw at me. Instead, I learned to cheat. I would get to class early, head to the best-looking boy in class who was also very smart and asked if I could copy his homework. He gave it to me and since I was short on time, I copied the answers but not the workings! Sure enough, the “devil” decided to call me up front and demanded to know how I came up with the right answers with what I had on the page. BOOM! I was caught. So he said, “Tia, I wish you were as good at Math as you are in English. Unfortunately, that is not the case. The next time I catch you cheating, I’m going to put you in that hole in the ceiling!” I looked up and sure enough, there was a big gaping hole in the ceiling and it put the fear of the devil in me!

To make a long story short, teachers hold the power in their hands to push students forward or to hold them back. Even so far as to make you hate certain subjects. I never came out of the “hate” for Math phase but I have a continuing love affair with English and each time I achieve something good, I remember that teacher who gave me the gentle nudge to do better and I did.

Daily writing prompt

What was your favorite subject in school?

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Change is Hard

Change is hard because “our brains are wired to prefer certainty, comfort, and routine, and change threatens our sense of control and security.” Add fear of the unknown to it and it is next to impossible to accept change when it rolls around as it inevitably does because it is a part of life. Change happens whether we like it or not and learning to live with it is a must.

I dig in my heels whenever “change” shows its face around here. My first instinct is to shout out loud more out of fear than anything else. “Oh no, not you again! I don’t need any more changes in my well-organized and well-regimented life,” that is my cry. Change just smiles and takes its place patiently until I come to my senses because it knows that there is no getting away from it, and then it is time to go to work again, getting rid of the old and letting the new in.

“Change is hard because people overestimate the value of what they have and underestimate the value of what they may gain by giving that up.” James Belusco and Ralph Stayer

Have you ever struggled to hold onto something when letting go was the only option you had? Did you come up with excuses as to why it needed to stay? Did you turn what was staring you in the face, the truth, into more than what it was? I’m sure all of us have done that at one point or another. Hanging on to what is familiar is easy to do, not much effort is needed, and even if it hurts like hell, it is a much better option then taking the radical route. The one that takes you on a different path, the road less traveled so to speak and not knowing what is around that corner is more than frightening. If truth be told, it is the path that you’ll have to take to free yourself of what is weighing you down and it is the path that comes with changes. Those changes bring uncertainty, they bring pain, they make you accept your inadequacies and at times, they are more than uncomfortable. If you want better, accepting change is the only way to go.

“Change is hard at first, messy in the middle, and gorgeous at the end.” Robin Sharma

I’m at the “messy in the middle” part. The “gorgeous” part hasn’t arrived yet and it is scary at times but I know that if I keep at it and keep moving forward one step at a time, I’ll see the light. What light? The light at the end of the tunnel. Change is hard and I’m discarding as I go and accepting some truths that are needed as I move forward. I’ll get there one day.

Sometimes accepting “change” is the only way to go. Let go of what you give value to when you know that you’re overestimating its worth. Not everything is the “next best thing since sliced bread,” and quite often it is more like stale bread! Accept changes as they come and know it will be hard until it turns into something gorgeous.

Have an amazing day.

Glennon Doyle (Archives)

She is an American author and queer activist and her podcast “We Can Do Hard Things” won two webby awards. She is empowering, inspirational and her quotes speak to and touch the heart. It has been said that when Glennon Doyle speaks, women listen and I’m one of those women.

“When a women finally learns that pleasing the world is impossible, she becomes free to learn how to please herself.”

Exactly where I’m at now.

“I looked hard at my faith, my friendships, my work, my sexuality, my entire life and asked, “How much of this was my idea? Who was I before I became who the world told me to be?”

I’ve asked myself the self-same question and the answer is, I was free as a bird!

“This life is mine alone. So I have stopped asking people for directions to places they’ve never been. There is no map, we are all pioneers.”

“I do not adjust myself to please the world. I am myself wherever I am, and I let the world adjust.”

I know this journey well. I am in the midst of it.

“I have met my self and I am going to care for her fiercely.”

Doing exactly that and I am seeing the benefits.

“We think our job as humans is to avoid pain, our job as parents is to protect our children from pain, and our job as friends is to fix each other’s pain. Maybe that’s why we all feel like failures so often – because we all have the wrong job description for love.”

This one made me stop in my tracks and to take a good hard look at what I’m doing.

“What I want to be, girls, is beautiful. Beautiful means ‘full of beauty.’ Beautiful is not about how you look on the outside. Beautiful is about what you’re made of. Beautiful people spend time discovering what their idea of beauty on this earth is. They know themselves well enough to know what they love, and they love themselves enough to fill up with a little of their particular kind of beauty each day.”

Beautifully said. What’s inside makes you shine on the outside and it can beat physical beauty hands down.

“Reading is my inhale and writing is my exhale.”

I haven’t done much inhaling lately but boy am I exhaling!

Have an amazing day and YOU ARE ENOUGH!

Narcissism (Archives)

Narcissism is defined as an “extreme self-involvement to the degree that it makes a person ignore the needs of those around them. True narcissists frequently disregard others or their feelings and they do not understand the effect their behavior has on other people.” http://www.webmd.com

Narcissistic personality disorder is considered a mental health condition and it is characterized by a life-long pattern of exaggerated self-importance. It is a pattern of behavior that is often destructive to the people around them. These are self-centeredness, arrogance, lack of empathy, inconsideration for other people and inflated self-importance. Narcissists can be manipulative, selfish and they display a sense of entitlement.

“When you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, there is always a whole secret life going on behind your back.” Unknown

A narcissist moves to a different drumbeat, one of their own making. Rules and conventions do not apply to them and if it did, do not expect it to last very long. It lasts only if you accept them on their terms. There is no compromise. Falling in love is a knee-jerk reaction for the narcissist, the emphasis here being on JERK!”

“Narcissistic personality disorder is the only mental condition where the patient is left alone but everyone else needs treatment.” Unknown

They’ll keep the facade going as long as it suits them. Yes, they can play the “nice guy” but only if everything goes according to their plan. If it doesn’t the gloves are off and the real person steps out, someone you never knew was hiding behind the mask they had been wearing.

Narcissist:

“(n): a more polite term for a self-serving manipulative, evil jerk with no soul and compassion.”

If the relationship doesn’t work out like they wanted which is all to their benefit, they’ll move on in a heartbeat without so much as a goodbye because their next victim is already on the line. They will show no remorse, compassion or empathy because they have none to offer. Their feelings only run knee-deep like their emotions. They will lie, cheat, stand on their head and declare on the Bible that it is the absolute truth and nothing but the truth in order to make you question your sanity because that is how they work. It is a form of psychological and emotional abuse all to the detriment of the victim. This often leads to anxiety and stress disorders. Unfortunately, it is hard to recognize a narcissist when approached by one because they don’t have a sign on their forehead that says, “I AM A NARCISSIST! Please beware.” Life would be easier if they did but there is none. You learn from your mistakes and hopefully the damage is minimal.

Never J.A.D.E. with a narcissist-

Justify

Argue

Defend or

Explain

AND

“If you see a narcissist do this….RUN!

HAVE AN AMAZING DAY.

I AM LEARNING (Archives)

Photo by Tima Miroshnichenko on Pexels.com

I am learning that each new day is a reminder to do better.

I am learning that I am fully capable of dealing with everything life throws my way.

I am learning that I need to practice gratefulness and to be thankful for all that I have.

I am learning to accept me as I am and to make changes if some of those things don’t work to my greater good.

I am learning to let go of things that don’t serve me and I am making room for those that do.

I am learning that I can’t change people, I can only change myself.

I am learning that life is a journey full of ups and downs and nothing stays the same forever.

I am learning that there is no such thing as forever, just the here and now.

I am learning that love is fleeting at its best and at its worst, it has the potential to turn your world upside down and inside out. Tread carefully.

I am learning that cheaters never change. They are repeat offenders. Integrity is just another word to them. A relationship with such an individual is like throwing pearls at pigs.

I am learning that today is a blessing, a gift and I have it in my power to make it an amazing day.

I am learning that life is ever-changing. It is a learning curve and mistakes are made to show us a new way of handling things and to learn and to grow from them. Perhaps that is what life is all about.

“But most of all, I am slowly learning how to just be in this moment. How to exist. How to understand that I cannot control life, that I can only experience it in both its light and its dark stages. I am slowly learning how to laugh and cry and feel through it all, how to welcome the confusion and the joy that come with loving and living and breaking. I am slowly learning how to accept where I am”

“I am slowly learning how to simply believe in the person I am becoming.” Unknown

HAVE AN AMAZING DAY!

Mistakes

We’ve all made them. Big ones, small ones and the in-between ones. Some are insignificant and others, well, they can turn your world upside down and leave you gasping for air! Some mistakes teach us lessons and others help us to see and act better the next time around. When all is said and done, mistakes are a part of life and a life without mistakes, well, it just means a life without new experiences.

Here are some poignant quotes that speak to the heart of the matter:

“When you make a mistake, there are only three things you should ever do about it: admit it, learn from it, and don’t repeat it. Paul Bear Bryant

Not that easy right? I admit sometimes it is next to impossible not to repeat it because we as humans are wired a certain way and we love rubbing noses with MISTAKES!

“Mistakes have the power to turn you into something better than you were before.” Unknown

True but there is a hell of a lot you have to do before that happens.

“You can never make the same mistake twice because the second time you make it, it’s not a mistake, it’s a choice.” Steven Denn

I’ve made those “choices” many times over!

“You can pick up a mistake and carry it as a burden; or you can set it down and use it a stepping stone to greatness.” Unknown

I’m still waiting for the “greatness” part to happen!

“Don’t carry your mistakes around with you, instead, place them under your feet and use them as stepping stones.” Unknown

Exactly what I’m doing.

“You must be big enough to admit your mistakes, smart enough to learn from them, and strong enough to correct them.” John C. Maxwell

That last part is what I’m having trouble with!

“The most valuable thing you can make is a mistake – you can’t learn anything from being perfect.” Adam Osborne

True but who wants to be perfect? Cut out the mistakes please!

“Mistakes made in life are our lessons in disguise, and sometimes, the best lessons learned, came from the worse ‘mistakes’ made.” Unknown

I can whole-heartedly attest to that one.

AND

“I’ve learned so much from my mistakes, I’m thinking of making a few more.” Unknown

Hear the sarcasm coming through?

Have an amazing day.

Make Commitments Not Excuses (Archives)

“When confronted with a challenge, the committed heart will search for a solution. The undecided heart searches for an escape.” Andy Andrews

Commitment is a must if you want to succeed in getting something done, accomplish goals or simply in moving forward. However, commitment is often met with excuses and the easy route is to make an excuse for why you are not capable of doing something and to leave whatever it is that needed done just dangling in mid-air, an unfinished task so to speak. It is often accompanied by “If only I had….” at a later point in time.

“Commitment is defined as the state of quality of being dedicated to a cause, activity, etc.”

It takes work, a certain tunnel-vision to stay on the straight and narrow and to see it through. At times, it is boring and it takes tremendous effort. Excuses, on the other hand, are easy to come by.

Looking for a job is hard work because it will take effort, focus and an unwavering mentality. I really don’t want to leave my comfort zone and be out there looking is not going to cut it. I would rather be watching something on TV or playing computer games is not how you are going to be able to pay your bills. It may be fun but not in the long run. However, this excuse comes with a big price tag attached to it at a later point in time.

“He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.” Unknown

How about making excuses in a relationship? Instead of building a relationship most excuse-mongers have one foot in a relationship and out chasing rainbows looking for that pot of gold with the other. Problem is they wind up losing what they had in the first place. Their excuse is, “I’m not sure.” That is one stupid excuse because keeping several fires burning is not the answer. Dedication is. Build instead of tearing it down.

“If it is important to you, you will find a way. If not, you’ll find an excuse.” Unknown

There there are all kinds of other excuses. One for every topic it seems and those excuses are the ones which keep you from achieving the goals. The all important goal of moving on in life, of making something out of life, of being with that one special someone and so on and so forth. Excuses are a dime a dozen and the path to hell is lined with them! Commitment takes courage, fortitude, a certain mindset and it is success oriented.

“Commitment is an act, not a word.” Unknown

It is what transforms a dream into a reality and it takes more than just dreaming about it. Learn what it takes to make it a reality and go after it. Never giving up is a key element and showing “excuses” the door is another sure way of getting to where you want to be. You can stay awhile in “excuses-land” but only long enough to wet your feet and then move with dedication to the end goal. If you want success, dedication and commitment is the way to go.

“There’s always a way if you’re committed.” Unknown

Have an amazing day.

Chachi’s Say!

Waking up early this morning, I had a plan in mind. Breakfast, take out the trash, clean-up a little, put on my sweatpants, t-shirt and head on to where I feel the most comfortable and where my creative juices get to rev up. I did all of that except for the walk. It came to a screeching halt when I took the plastic trash bin out and realized that it was HOT!

I checked the weather forecast and it is going to be hot today. I’m not into sweaty weather so I came back in with another plan in mind. I have an appointment tomorrow so why not look my best. I decided to slater on the new black mask which is supposed to clean out any unwanted stuff on your face. Thirty minutes and your skin can breathe again. Instead of getting started right away, I decided to get lunch going. It was still early but I love to plan everything ahead of time.

On the menu today is stir-fried Chinese style noodles with Bok Choy and minced or ground meat. The sauce is spicy made more so by the addition of Gochuyang Hot Pepper Paste. This is my go to now when I want things spicy. It does the job pretty well and it tastes great. Anyway, I went out to the garden to see if I could add more stuff to the pan. Sure enough, the chilies were ready. They look like Jalapeno peppers so I added one to the pan. The cherry tomatoes were ripe so I added a couple chopped up as well. Looks like it is going to be a good meal.

Then it was back upstairs and I put the mask on. Chachi, the little Munchkin, walked in and immediately took a step back. The look was somewhere between I can’t believe this and yucks!

HIM: “MOM, you need to get a grip on things! This look is not going to do if you want to attract your one and only.”

ME: “What do you know about that? Anyway, you don’t like any of the guys.”

HIM: “No, I don’t like any of them especially the cheesecake guy! I’m glad he is a no show now! Still the sloppy look and now this is an absolute no go.”

ME: “You’re far from an expert.”

HIM: “Back in the day…..”

ME: “Back in the day?!! What day?”

HIM: “I know things and this is not going to do. You look like the creature from the Black Lagoon!”

I picked him up and brought him downstairs and laid him gently in his basket by the window. Look out there, maybe Little Miss Ipanema is out and about. That’s his on and off girlfriend. She is all black with piercing green eyes and she is known as the village beauty amongst other things! She was sitting on the shed sunning herself but her eyes were trained on Chachi.

“I’m going back upstairs to get some peace. Don’t get any ideas about that little thing out there. She’s not for you!”

Just then she turned her eyes on me.

“Hey Chach, your mom’s a B I * * H! You are a pretty boy but that mother of yours looks like she could scare the hell out of anyone!”

That’s it. I’ve decided that she is not a suitable candidate or rather good girlfriend material for my little guy. So dream on about the pretty boy and that’s where it’s going to stay!

Just then, Chachi piped up.

“See I told you so. That look is not taking you anywhere!”

Just the start to another day in Chachi Land!

Have an amazing day.

This Thing Called Love (2)

Archives

Stage 1: Falling in Love

“In the first stage of love, your hormones run the show. You flirt, get butterflies in your stomach and heart, toss your hair back often and laugh a lot more. Falling in love makes you glow. Full playfulness and passion, stage one of love, often called the honeymoon stage tends to be everyone’s favorite because it is fun.“

This is how Stage 1 looks like. You can talk for hours on the phone and it never gets old. There is lots of laughing and giggling and you have your rose-tinted glasses on. If there is a blemish the size of a rock on your face, it is invisible at this stage or airbrushed by the blossoming of something special. Time flies by on wings and it is never ever enough. You want more and even though red flags may crop up like a neon sign, you SEE and don’t want to see. It is also the stage of stupidity where your brain and intuition take a backseat and your heart takes over.

Stage 2: Getting Serious

“Enter stage two. You still make a good couple. You hold hands in the park and cuddle up together to watch a movie, but something has changed. You’ve moved in together, maybe even got married. That fun time has run its course and your relationship has entered the serious zone.“

You may have moved in together or maybe not. It could be headed in a more serious direction where the “M” word is bandied about. That rose-tinted glow is there but now grey is starting to seep in. You question his/her motives. When once that laugh was alluring, it now makes you grit your teeth. You see things you don’t like. Things like he doesn’t keep to his word or you’ve caught him in a lie or two. Little things like leaving the toilet seat up and leaving clothes all over the floor gets your goat. The glow is still there so it’s time to push it all under the rug. You say, “It’ll right itself out. After all, you’re not looking for perfect.” The serious zone is staring you in the face and you don’t want to rock the boat. Let sleeping dogs lie you say but you know that it could come back to bite you later.

Stage 3: What Happened?

“What happened? Did you fall out of love? By this point, all illusions have been stripped away. You find yourself arguing more. Romance seems like work and you can’t be bothered to squeeze in the time. You just want it to end. And most people do just that, end their relationship.“

This is the “make it” or “break it” phase. It is also the time to let it all hang out phase. Remember that in Stage 1 all was perfect or at least it seemed so. Nothing was out of place, not a hair, not a fake eyelash, perfect haircut, smelling good and NO inappropriate behavior. Now, it’s let it rip time and HOW! If you’re married, who cares is the attitude. Everything is allowed and I mean everything. He’s seen you many times over so why bother? Unkempt hair, less than perfect hygiene, let it all grow out if you know what I mean. He, in turn, lets it rip. Holding it in is no longer required, anywhere anytime is ok. One other thing I find fascinating is that men love talking to you when they are sitting on the throne! Something soothing perhaps? That smile is no longer alluring, those little quirks more than annoying and spending a few minutes talking equates to an hour and a half in your mind. I call this the end of time phase. It’s probably all downhill from here and most choose to end the relationship.

According to one source, there are five clear stages. They are honeymoon, uncertainty, adjustment, commitment and acceptance. I’ve chosen to speak about three because not many make it past the adjustment phase. If you do, you’re one of the lucky ones. However, the fourth and fifth phase are hard to navigate. Most are either miserable wanting to get out or they’ve accepted their fate and are playing dead until their time is up!

I haven’t given up hope that I will make it to the last phase with a smile on my face and the right man by my side. I’m still working on finding him. Unfortunately, he seems to have lost his way and is nowhere to be found and TIME is running out! Fairy Godmother some help please! I could use your wand right about now!

Have an amazing day.

This Thing Called Love (1)

(Archives)

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By now, you know that most of my posts center around this thing called love. It’s because I have my fact-finding shoes on and I want to find out what it is all about.

It is elusive, that’s for sure. It morphs and never stays the same, that’s another aspect. It shows up when you least expect it and it doesn’t stay for long. It is loving and all-consuming but when things go south, it takes off on winged feet. This is my experience as far as love is concerned.

Poor me? Not really. It is daunting this task of finding “real love” but my curiosity is aroused and I’m not going to settle for anything less than the real kind. Curiosity killed the cat, you say? Well, Chachi, the cat, is doing pretty well in that respect and he’s wearing the Einstein hat now!

Someone said to me it is not about ego or attitude yesterday. I totally agree. However, it is not about accepting everyone who walks in the door and placing the “love tag” on them either. That’s a surefire way to disaster. One person called me complicated, well, more than one but who’s counting! Complicated in this case means I’m not willing to accept what is offered. It’s more like the caveman variety. “Here I am woman take me! I like you so no more wasting time and no more discussion. Let’s get down to business!” Nope, that won’t work. I am too emancipated for that BS! Call me complicated all you want but you’re out the door!

I live in a small village that time forgot. The marriages here last a very long time. Have they found the secret to a long and happy love life? Not really. It is based on convenience. Its more like, “I provide and you pander.” Get the picture? These marriages last for a very long time but they are miserable together. One prime example was my in-laws. They were married for decades and they boasted about the longevity of their relationship, however, fights were a part of their daily existence. When he died, she mourned his loss. I wondered if she was mourning the loss of the person or what she was accustomed to, that of nagging and bickering all day long. Perhaps, it was addicting but is that real love?

Someone else said, “If you find it, hold on to it.” I definitely plan to do that. In my journey so far, I’m finding that “love” comes disguised in all its wishy-washy forms but if you want the real kind, you’ve got to take your time, know what you will settle for and what you won’t and don’t be afraid to discard if it’s not what you’re looking for. It takes courage, it takes a single-minded focus and it takes walking the road less traveled. Shut out the noise around you. The one that says, “You can’t do this,” but more specifically the one that roars, “You’ll wind up alone!” I say, “better alone than with the wrong person.”

“Unless it’s mad, passionate or extraordinary love, it’s a waste of your time. There are too many mediocre things in life: Love shouldn’t be one of them.” Unknown

AND

“There is no such thing as love, you just happen to bump into someone who laughs at your jokes, likes the way you’re face is and accepts the way you look at the world. Love isn’t real, only two human beings coincidentally lonely at the same moment in time.”

What do you think? Some truth to that assumption?

Have an amazing day.