life – Page 12 – Site Title

The Hard Things (Archives)

Most of us cringe at the thought of doing the hard things. Be it a break-up, walking away, losing a job and letting go of things that no longer serve us, it is an exceptionally hard thing to do. It is also not something we look forward to because it means taking the bull by the horns and waging war on what seems to be an impossible task at first. Given time, patience, perseverance and a hard-headed look at what needs to be done to get to the other side, we find it is doable but not easy.

Easy is not what life is about. If anything, easy is not in its vocabulary. It seems at times that “living” is about going through the hard stuff. Sometimes one and sometimes a string of unsolvable and often times impossible situations but you and I know that it is those hard times and how you deal with them that brings out the strength in you. Sure, it would be easier if we didn’t have to deal with them but when has that stopped life from throwing it our way?

Where would we be without them? Probably having a great time without having to walk through the minefield of the hard stuff all equipped and designed to bring you down to your knees if you make a false move. There is no right or wrong way of going about it, it is trial and error and an undying resilience to take what is handed to you and to make it work for you. We’ve all made those false moves where we’ve crashed and burned and just when you think there is nothing left to do except to pick up the pieces and make the most of it, there is light at the end of the dark tunnel. There is that open door that beckons because as you know when one door closes, another one opens but it is human nature or at least it is mine to look past it and back at the one that has closed and is no longer available.

“Hard things are hard because there are no easy answers or recipes. They are hard because your emotions are at odds with your logic. They are hard because you don’t know the answer and you cannot ask for help without showing weakness.” Ben Horowitz

The hard stuff has kept me captive for longer than I want to admit. Truth is, I don’t do “HARD” well. Holding on is my nemesis, letting go of things that no longer serve me is harder still and moving on, well that is an impossible task at times. I hold on hoping that changes will come my way but it never does. Things happen for a reason, people are the way they are because they are wired that way and looking and hoping is not going to change things. However, whatever life throws your way, there is a lesson in there somewhere but it is hard to see when it first hits you. I think we fail miserably at times because we walk in circles, bang our heads on that closed door and refuse to move on until we are drained of energy and there is nothing else to do but to walk through that open door. Human nature at its best? I think so.

We are fully capable and have the strength within to meet the hard stuff head on and to tame it if necessary. It is the fear of the unknown in sync with the weakness within that works hand-in-hand to stop us in our tracks, makes us tremble where we stand as we whisper, I can’t. You and I have had our baptism by fire in one form or another, of this I am sure. The hard thing is just one more obstacle to overcome, nothing more, nothing less. We tend to make it more than what it is. Life is a never-ending circle of challenges in the form of “hard things” to overcome. It is mixed in with the good stuff but it is the hard stuff that brings forth the real you. Your strength, your power and most of all your ability to slay it where it stands takes courage, growth and an attitude of never giving up which will put the “hard stuff” in its place. Who knows if shown the door more often than not, it might decide to stay away. We can hope can’t we?

“I see your fear, and it’s big. I also see your courage, and it’s bigger. We can do hard things.” Glennon Doyle

Have an amazing day.

Stop Caring Too Much

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There are people who just care too much about anything and everything. And then there are people who don’t give a flying flip about what you say about them and these are the people who seem to be leading better lives. The ones who don’t let anything get more than skin-deep and if something does land on them like a pesky insect, they are quick to give it a swipe and off they go none the worse for wear.

“Life is better when you stop caring too much.” Unknown

However, there is another group who takes everything to heart. They just care about what has been said, how it was said and what did it mean?!! These people have cubbyholes, a place they go to where they can sit in silence with their woes and take them apart, piece by piece, one action or comment at a time. These are also the people and I include myself in this group, who have a hard time letting go, who swirl in self-doubt because some mean person didn’t want to see them do better or because more often than not, they are doormats. They let people walk all over them leaving wounds, hurts, and a sense of deep unrest in their wake. The truth is there are people whose only goal in life is to put people down. Why? It’s because they are in a bad place and they want someone or anyone to keep them company. Misery loves company as they say.

Knowing this, how do you learn to stop caring too much?

According to one source, you need to set firm boundaries. You don’t have to please everyone and say “no” to situations that drain you.

Put yourself first. Focus on your own well-being and mental health. Take care of yourself.

Invest in personal growth. Pursue your own passions, activities and goals that bring you enjoyment.

Practice mindfulness. Embrace the present moment and don’t let your feelings control you.

Embrace imperfections. Accept that things will go wrong and people may disappoint you.

Build self-compassion. Treat yourself with kindness as you would a friend.

Lastly, let go of people and situations that don’t contribute to your well-being. If every time something good happens to you and they are there to tear you down, let them go. Negativity brings more negativity. Throw that “doormat” mentality out the door and look for positive strokes that make you feel good, fill you with positive vibes and one that puts a smile on your face instead of a frown. YOU deserve only the best.

Have an amazing day.

THE JOURNEY (Archives)

Edmund Hillary once said, “It is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves.” There is much truth in that one statement. In order to conquer the mountain, metaphorically speaking, we have to conquer ourselves first.

More often than not, we place lines and boundaries around ourselves that stop us from moving forward, both knowingly and unknowingly. I have talked about the stories we tell ourselves in another article and it still stands true. The narratives we tell keeps us from achieving goals we set for ourselves. We say, “I can’t,” which is often the first response. What if we changed that narrative to, “I can.” Worth trying?

The thing I need to conquer first and foremost is fear. This four-letter word has kept me from achieving so much in my life. Whatever comes my way is usually DOA because fear steps in and tells me why I am incapable of doing something which might sound rational at the time but it is usually only in my head. The fear factor has kept me safe BUT it has also stopped me from experiencing life at its fullest. I know I need to break out of the well-insulated cocoon I am in and test the waters, or at least to get my feet wet. Not saying you should throw caution to the wind but talking about those small steps to conquer that mountain called life.

“Each of us must confront our own fears, must come face to face with them. How we handle our fears will determine where we go with the rest of our lives. To experience adventure or to be limited by the fear of it.” Judy Blume

Overcoming obstacles is next in line. My first reaction to any obstacle is to cringe and than I tend to shy away from it. Perhaps normal behavior in the grand scheme of things but it would be so much easier if I looked at it, whatever it is, in the eye and made a conscious decision to break it down to what it really is. Most times, it is a wrinkle rather than a mountain that I in my innate human self make it out to be. I am learning but it takes time.

“Obstacles are like wild animals. They are cowards but they will bluff you if they can. If they see you are afraid of them….they are able to spring upon you; but if you look them squarely in the eye, they will slink out of sight.” Orison Swett Marden.

Acceptance is hard and most times I go through an almost impossible obstacle course of my own making before I can say, “It’s going to be alright. I have accepted the unchangeable and it is time to move on.” This step never comes easily and it takes time but that again is the intricate ways of life or simply of my own choosing. The important thing is that I am learning to accept and to let go instead of giving up and kow-towing to defeat. I want to get to the top of the mountain with bells ringing and with my sanity intact! I still have a long ways to go but I am making progress.

“Acceptance doesn’t mean resignation; it means understanding that something is what it is and that there’s got to be a way through it.” Michael J. Fox

However, there is no point in setting out on a journey when there are no clear cut goals because running around in circles is a waste of time and having the courage to know and accept what is needed to make that journey is the way to go. Start with yourself. Be strong enough to get rid of what is not needed, set your focus and start moving to the end goal. Light up your soul, eradicate the stumbling blocks of which there are many I am sure, move with purpose and look towards the path in front of you, one small step at a time. This is exactly what I plan to do.

“Aim for the sky, but move slowly, enjoying every step along the way, it is all those little steps that make the journey complete.” Unknown

Have an amazing day.

Karma (Archives)

In Sanskrit, karma literally means “action.” In Hinduism, karma is defined as, “the relationship between a person’s mental or physical action and the consequences following that action.” Basically, it is the cause and effect of what a person has done in their current and previous lives. Simply put, what you sow, you reap.

I’ve always had a deep fascination with the concept of karma. I want to believe that if you do wrong or hurt someone knowingly, you will get payback from karma. I wouldn’t have to lift a finger and Karma, my friend, would take care of it lock, stock and barrel and maybe even with two smoking barrels! Nice thought but it rarely happens that way. Sometimes payback takes a long time coming and in our world of instant gratification where we expect everything to happen at the drop of a coin, karma takes its time and does it the old-fashioned way. Which means it could take many years even ten to 20 years or more before payback happens but rest assured when it does come around, you will know.

“A boomerang returns back to the person who throws it.” Vera Nazarian

Is it considered revenge? I think it is more like a higher power keeping tabs on you. It watches, keeps track and when the time is right, the anchor falls and you get payback. Makes sense I think. Afterall, someone has to keep tabs, otherwise, wrongdoing would be the name of the game and everyone walks off scot-free with a smile plastered on their faces only to repeat the same mistakes over and over again. It’s a good thing that karma is there.

Karma Says

“Mouths can lie, eyes cannot. People may forget, karma will not.” Unknown

However, karma is not just about the bad stuff.

“Good or bad, what you put out comes back to you.” Unknown

I know of one situation where a man cheated on his wife. It was a terrible thing to do and instead of being sorry, he married the woman he had the affair with. It looked like all was well and life was going swell for the two of them. Twenty years down the road, the new wife found someone else and rode off into the sunset with her new love leaving her husband devastated. A karmic consequence?

Benjamin Bayani says, “Karma bides its time. You will always have to watch out. Karma is unforgiving and always gets payback.”

All just hocus pocus? I don’t know folks but I tend to be superstitious as well so it sounds perfectly legit to me. I like the idea of good vs. bad and payback in some form or fashion.

By the way, karma

“I have a list of people that you missed!” Unknown

Have an amazing day.

A Blur!

Yesterday was a blur! The test went fine but spending almost 5 hours at the hospital and having this radioactive stuff shot into me and then doing three rounds with the machine to find out if there was anything wrong took the wind out of my sails!

I think it wasn’t just yesterday that brought about the exhaustion, it was the week leading up to it. Emotions were running wild and not knowing made it all the more nerve-racking. I had all kinds of “what if” scenarios running through my head and none of them good.

I crashed last night at around 8 and didn’t get up till 5 this morning. Still feeling tired but more than that, it is the radioactive stuff coursing through my veins that is causing problems, just psychological ones. I googled on how to get rid of it and was told, drink plenty of water to flush it out of your system. It takes about 24 to 48 hours before it is out and gone for good. I hope! The other thing is to keep away from pregnant women and small children. No problems there but Chachi was not too happy last night. I tried not to hug him, kiss him or to cuddle with him and the little bugger didn’t understand it at all.

This morning, I stripped the bedcovers and threw them in the wash. Then I took a shower and used scrub to get whatever is oozing out of my pores a run for the money! After that, I took a walk in nature. There was nothing going on there. The trees were a bright green with no show of changing anytime soon. Fall is taking its time getting here but it will be here sooner than later. However, I realized that nothing much had changed since I set foot on the fields which was about three days ago.

Here’s the thing. Life moves on, nature does the same and what you’ve got going on is your business alone. I recall when I was grieving for the friend I lost, nature and life went on and didn’t stand still not even for a moment. The burden was mine to carry alone and how I dealt with things even more so. I think the message is, YOU have to deal with whatever comes your way. It is all up to you and with that in mind, I feel like I’ve been given a new lease on life and I better put it to good use. I plan to.

The sun is just coming up and it is casting shadows and light as it weaves its way through the fields. A beautiful sight to see and I know that today is going to be a beautiful day.

Have an amazing day folks.

ALL CLEAR!

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It caused some sleepless nights and the “it” was a test that could have changed my life as I knew it. I was up and down and all over the place with my feelings as well as with my emotions. The unknown was scary and I was looking in an abyss and the answers coming back depended on a machine, a cold and inanimate thing that had the power to throw a curveball, worse than life could.

I prepared like I was being led to the slaughter. The night had been short and I got up at 5 a.m. wanting to crawl back into bed! There was no getting out of it. It was time to meet my nemesis and to tell it to go to hell! I knew it wouldn’t make difference to it one way or another. The machine was there to do a job and as my friend put it, “It’s there to save lives.”

The test was scheduled for 8 a.m. and I appeared punctually with friend in tow. He was calm and quiet as we walked in. It took off like a storm after that. I was prepped, my tiny vein shot up with some radioactive stuff with the technician telling me, “It’s the same stuff as last time but with an additional isotope this time.” Gawd! I asked, “Any side effects?” She said it shouldn’t cause any problems.

Then I had to wait for that stuff to invade my body, it took all of 15 minutes. The friend kept whispering, “You’ll be fine.” He’s a good guy. However, my mind was on a horror trip! Scenarios kept playing like on speed dial and none of the good variety. The doctor, a really nice lady, showed up and I tried my sweet talk tactic. No go, the test needed to be done for “OUR” peace of mind she said. Within minutes, I was led into this room and I saw my nemesis! Cold, white and looming like some monster! I took my place on the bed, was made comfortable and closed my eyes. She said, “Five minutes. You’ll be fine.” I thought, “I can do five minutes, no problem.” The machine droned and came to life. I went into my nirvana zone and before I knew it, it was DONE!

“Not so quick!” she said, “You get a 15 minute break and back on the bed again.”

ME: “WHY?”

SHE: “We do another round, this time 30 minutes.”

I gulped but she had a no-nonsense way about her. And the machine was grinning and doing a victory dance! After 15 minutes, I was back in. This time, she said, “Five minutes first and then the machine will automatically do rounds all over!” Unbelievable! I gritted my teeth and said, “I’m not sure if I can stay put that long.”

SHE: “Well, we will be taking thousands of pictures so try to stay still and DON’T MOVE!”

Hmm…..I got through that round. Then she says, “You get 15 minutes break and back in here again.”

I was ready for anything by now. I just wanted out of that place and if I had to play dead for another 30 minutes, I was going to do it. And I did.

Then the doctor comes back in, closes the door and I think, “This is bad news.”

She is soft-spoken and says, “Looks like an all clear. I didn’t see anything that is of concern BUT we still have the blood test results that should come in a week. I don’t think there is anything to worry about.”

Instead of letting out a sigh of relief, my mind jumps to my Google research and how one doctor said that this particular test is never right. I thank her and left that hospital in a hurry before they changed their mind.

I muttered, “I don’t care! I’m done for now. I’m going home but before that I’m getting my cheesecake and then time for a shower and a cheesecake fest!”

I’m not supposed to touch Chachi, the cat, for 24 hours so when I walked in the door, he goes, “Well, you left me alone for five hours and not even a kiss?!! You are getting weirder by the minute!”

I didn’t answer. Jumped in the shower and then in my PJs, the coffee is brewing and the cheesecake is standing ready. What a day but things worked out for the best.

Have an amazing day.

The Grudge

“Life is too short for long-term grudges.” Elon Musk

He’s right there but holding “grudges” as humans seems to be normal if not a necessary practice at times. Holding a grudge against someone who did you wrong is sometimes the only form of hitting back or getting some form of satisfaction for all the pain they had put you through. Even if it is invisible to the person you are aiming the grudge at, nevertheless, it feels good to have that weapon an imaginary one that seethes within you and sometimes burns a hole in your soul.

Been there, done that. I’m only human after all and I’m no saint. I know I’ve held a “grudge fest” against my ex for a long time. How dare he walk off into the sunset and leave me to deal with the aftermath after causing the wreckage he did? That right there was my reasoning for holding onto the grudge. It took a long time to learn that grudges weigh you down, there is a certain heaviness that you carry around but more importantly, you do not move on or move forward with a grudge or two hanging around your neck.

“Holding on to anger is like holding on to an anchor and jumping into the sea. If you don’t let it go, you’ll drown.” Unknown

This applies to grudges as well. Learning to let go takes time, doing the forgiveness thing even more so. I still haven’t forgiven him but I have learned to let go of the bitterness. I don’t feel that sour taste in my mouth each time he shows up here. That in itself is progress. I also believe in karma and I know that what you put out there comes back to you eventually. Is that like holding a grudge? Maybe, but it is the best I can do for now.

Daily writing prompt

Are you holding a grudge? About?

View all responses

The Test!

I was doing fine until the hospital called in the afternoon and wanted to move the test to earlier in the morning, like really early on September 4th!

ME: “WHY?!!”

THEY: “It is going to take a couple of hours so it’s better to do it earlier in the morning.”

Oh Gawd! Peace flew out the window and I’ve been climbing walls ever since. I’ve done the bedroom walls and the office area as well and nothing is helping! Chachi, the cat, has been eyeing me with a look that says, “I told you she’s weird!”

My plan was to show up there in the afternoon thinking they might be tired and I could sweet talk the doctor into letting me out of taking the test. I wanted to move it a year down the road. This early morning BS just threw a wrench in my plans. Anyway, I’ve been Googling and I have all the reasons written down as to why I DON’T need this test. Mount Sinai Hospital says that my levels are in the normal range. Another hospital says that the levels could be higher due to some supplements and the best part is one doctor says that the test they are planning to do will not be accurate. Whatever they say, it will be wrong! I sort of like this last guy. Exactly my thoughts!

Then I googled what the test is all about. Yes, I’ve been busy. They will shoot some radioactive stuff in your veins. Wait 15 minutes and you go under this big machine. It takes pictures. Just awful for a hypochondriac and a person who has a slight case of claustrophobia. If that’s not enough, you have to wait for another 90 minutes or so and you go under the machine again and it takes more pictures!

I told a friend and he said, “STOP GOOGLING!“

Anyway, it is going to be a sleepless night because my mind is racing and doing somersaults and I am wide awake! No amount of meditation is helping and I am P I S S E D! A friend will be accompanying me, the Chilean guy, he’s perfect because he is cool as a cucumber in moments of stress and the complete opposite of me. It will be a tough day for him having to put up with me.

I will have my fingers, toes, eyes and everything else crossed! Wish me luck folks because this is a big one.

Goodnight and don’t let the bedbugs bite!

Letting Go vs. Letting Go

There are two kinds of letting go, perhaps there are more ways of doing that but I’m going to talk about two kinds here that make letting go more than a nightmare.. The kind that is of a temporary nature and then there is the more permanent kind. In the temporary kind, you have every intention of letting go but when you do, it is only a matter of time before you go back to the same person. It doesn’t matter how bad the person has treated you, how you were almost invisible in their eyes, how they never had any time for you and you were never the priority but still, you hope and wish that things could have been different. Here’s the problem, it never changes because what they’ve shown you is what you get, nothing more, nothing less. Instead of showing them the door, you keep it slightly ajar just in case they decide to walk back in and do the drumroll all over again and you bow to their every wish.

“It sucks when you know that you need to let go, but you can’t because you’re still waiting for the impossible to happen.” Unknown

The other “letting go” kind is doing it permanently. You realize that the person you were seeing or dating has a lot of the qualities above and you see them for what they are. Maybe it is narcissism, maybe it is selfishness, maybe it is a lack of integrity or character and maybe they are just too full of themselves and think they are IT and everything revolves around them. It’s time to cut the cord because the relationship is not going anywhere and you also realize that you deserve better than what is being handed to you on a worn-out platter. It’s time to do a major change and to take out the trash.

“Letting go does not mean you stop caring, it means you stop trying to force others to.” Mandy Hale

There are many lessons to learn in life and one of them is, you can’t force someone to change. You can only change yourself and take control of who you are, what you deserve and who you want to be with.

“The hardest part about letting go is finally realizing that there wasn’t much left to hold on to.” Unknown

The problem with letting go and why it doesn’t work at times is because we keep looking back at a non-existent relationship and we romanticize it to the point that the guy comes out looking like Prince Charming when in actuality he is a toad or a turd! We come in with the “if only” scenarios hoping and wishing it could be different. Changing someone’s character is next to impossible, it might work for a while but then the real person shows up again and it is only a matter of time before that happens. If he is a cheater, you can bet your bottom dollar that he’ll do it again. If he is a narcissist, he’s a lost cause and if he’s someone who shows no empathy or compassion, well, that is not going to change either because it is built into their DNA. Pay careful attention to what they show you because you’re looking at the truth right there.

“If he’s stupid enough to walk away, be smart enough to let him.” Unknown

That is good advice because if he wants to go, let him go. Don’t keep wondering who he is with, what they are doing together and what he is up to. If you do, it makes letting go a very hard or almost impossible thing to do.

“Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure.” Oprah Winfrey

Take Ms. Winfrey’s advice, the lady knows what she is talking about. Stay in the moment and give him enough rope to hang himself but YOU keep moving forward. Rest assured that whoever he is with or whatever he is doing is not far from what he was doing with you because people never change and they don’t change overnight and start smelling like a rose either. It is not for you to wonder why, just know that perhaps it was for the best.

LET GO & JUST LET IT BE.

Have an amazing day.

LOL!

Teacher: “If I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?”

Johnny: “Seven Sir.”

Teacher: “No listen carefully, if I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?”

Johnny: “Seven!”

Teacher: “Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you 2 apples, and another 2 apples and another 2, how many will you have?”

Johnny: “Six”

Teacher: “Good, now if I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?”

Johnny: “Seven!!”

Very Angry Teacher: “Where the heck are you getting 7 from?!!”

Very Angry Johnny: “Because I have one at home sir!!”

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite some time. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of a sex therapist. Her doctor recommended that she see the well-known Chinese sex therapist, Dr. Chang. So she went to see him. Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, “Ok take off all your crose.” The woman did as she was told.

“Now get down and craw, reery, reery, reery, fass to odder side of room.” Again, the woman did as she was instructed.

Dr. Chang then said, “OK, now craw reery, reery, fass back to me.” So she did

Dr. Chang shook his head slowly and said, “Your probrem vewy bad. You haf Ed Zachary Disease……worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or dates.”

Worried the woman asked anxiously, “Oh my God, Dr. Chang what is Ed Zachary Disease?”

Dr. Chang sighed deeply and replied…..Ed Zachary Disease is when your face look Ed Zachary like your a**!”

What a doctor huh?!!