life – Page 25 – Site Title

Keep Going (Archives)

I wrote this last year and things have changed but I am still working on the project, the project being me. There is still work to be done.

The path ahead is unclear. It is scary. It is often filled with obstacles which we have to cross to make it up that mountain. We find ourselves on our way and then we take a tumble and we find ourselves not back to square one but somewhere in between and that is where I am now.

The weekend was filled with uncertainties and all my good intentions seemed to have flown out the window. I thought I was doing so well only to find that being on my way, moving on from the here and now is a long process. It doesn’t happen overnight and neither does it happen in a few days, a few weeks or a few months. It is an ongoing process which involves falling, picking yourself back up and having the courage to say, “Here I go again!”

“When you walk in the fire, you start becoming fireproof.” Hiral Nagada

I spent the weekend looking for excuses as to why I CAN’T do this and that is often the case with me. It is easier to look for excuses than to move on. Fear is another factor which plays into my inner being and that little voice within, the one that acts like a little kid keeps tugging and keeps saying you are not capable of making it to the other side. However, there is this other voice which refuses to give up and if given the chance, it will become a deafening roar that pushes me to my limits and lets me know that there is strength, unbeatable strength within and all I need to do is stand back up and start moving. Just remember that it will get worse before it gets better it says and that is the truth.

It takes time, it takes effort and it takes hard work to get to the top of the mountain and there will be times when I will take a fall and land where I don’t want to be, lost in my own excuses of why I can’t move on. Acknowledge but don’t get too comfortable where you are. It is a no man’s land and you want better so stand back up and look towards that open door and go through it because failure is not an option.

“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I’ll try again tomorrow.” Mary Ann Radmacher

Also remember that failure is a choice, standing still is not an option and walking away from things that keep you from achieving your goals is the right thing to do no matter how painful it is. Let go of things which don’t serve you and make the commitment to keep going and you will arrive at where you need to be. My mission for this week is to keep moving, one step at a time and to keep going.

“No matter how bad things are right now.

No matter how stuck you feel,

No matter how many days you’ve spent wishing things were different,

No matter how hopeless and depressed you feel,

I promise you won’t feel this way forever.” Unknown

Here’s a story of hope. Last year, I uprooted a peony bush because it was growing too close to a fence and its growth was being stunted. I decided to move it to a smaller area where I thought it would thrive. There was a risk that it might not survive the process at all. All through winter, it looked like it had died. A week ago, I noticed that it was sprouting! Today, when I walked out the front door I noticed that new leaves were forming and it was budding and there were five buds on this tiny plant. Perhaps, it is a lesson from nature that even in the deepest darkest of times when we think all is lost, life is working its magic to show us that patience wins out and “better” is on its way.

If all else fails, remember that it is not Amazon Prime, the delivery doesn’t happen in one or two days!

IT TAKES TIME.

Have an amazing day.

Stop Being Too Nice!

There is this thing as far as being too nice or too kind. It can be equated to “people pleasing,” but I think it goes deeper than that. It stems from “feelings of inadequacy and the need to get approval and validation from others. Overly-nice people try to please so that they can feel good about themselves,” according to marciasirotamd.com

“Sometimes I regret being nice, apologizing when I didn’t do anything wrong, and for making unworthy people a priority in my life.” Unknown

There is more than an element of truth to that assumption. I tend to be nice and at times overly kind and often it backfires on me. It seems when you are too nice, you are viewed as a pushover or a doormat and you tend to get taken advantage of. Still, I persevere and often hope that the kindness is reciprocated but unfortunately it doesn’t work that way. People who take advantage have their own problems and that is not of the “nice” kind. However, being too nice can lead to “unhealthy relationships, personal dissatisfation, and emotional exhaustion.”

“Good people are like candles, they burn themselves up to give others light.” Unknown

How do you stop being too nice? According to nurturingmindscounseling.com here are six tips that will get you there. If used correctly, this will be your best friend.

Set boundaries.

Remembering your needs are valid.

Notice and name the patterns that take you down the “people-pleasing” path.

Identify what change looks like. Say “no” and mean it.

Expect that you’re going to be uncomfortable.

Practice self-compassion. Don’t beat yourself up.

The next time you notice yourself going out of your way to accommodate someone when you know you have to bite the bullet to do it, say STOP! and take a couple of steps back to reevaluate the situation and go from there. You don’t always have to be “nice” to be validated. Work from the inside out, set those boundaries, know what works and what doesn’t and if they or whoever you’re dealing with gets upset, let them deal with it. It is not your problem.

The Nice Girl Syndrome is a fake persona that arises from societal stereotyping of women. We’re supposed to be accommodating, accepting, loving, kind, gentle and so on. Once you deviate from such niceties you are viewed as the not so “nice” variety. Here’s the thing. You are your own person and you don’t have to be nice all the time! I’m changing my tactics. These days I carry a whip, an imaginary one and I’m not afraid to say, Back Off! It’s a new me and it takes getting used to but it’s working for me and that’s what matters.

“That’s the problem with putting others first: you’ve taught them you come second.” Unknown

Take your power back and have an amazing day.

Living Your Best Life

“Put yourself first on your priority list and watch your life get better.” Unknown

One interpretation of living your best life is to “live a life that makes you happy and also one that allows you to live your full potential.” quora.com

Concentrating on yourself is of the utmost importance. If you want to live your best life, put yourself first and foremost on that priority list. It starts with YOU and if you can get your act together everything else falls into place and even if it doesn’t, give it time to right itself out, in the meantime you’re standing where you should be and that is at the top of your list.

“One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it’s worth watching.” Unknown

Each day do what is necessary to get yourself back on track. If you’re down on your knees, stand back up. If all you see is grey clouds and no sunshine, make your own sunshine. Put on a smile, get dressed and go out and shine! Never underestimate the power of a smile, it does wonders for your psyche and your soul. So make sure to wear one even if you don’t feel like it.

Talk to yourself. Tell yourself, “I love you!” Sounds crazy? Not really. Sometimes or rather more often than not, we forget the person we carry around with us. The special someone who stands by us through all our big and little moments of sadness, joy, heartbreak and everything else that goes to make up this life of ours. Show it some LOVE. I’ve started doing this practice of positive self-talk and I say, “I love you,” “I’m thankful for your support,” and “I’m grateful for all the things you do for me.” After I finish I give myself a hug, a make-believe one but a hug nonetheless. This has proved to be an absolute game changer and within a few minutes I feel calmer and “happiness” courses through my whole being. Not always but that is okay too.

Here’s another important point. If you want to live your best life, don’t beat yourself up. You’re beautiful as you are and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise! We are our own worst enemy and I know I am. I often tell myself, “Your hair looks bad today!” Or that little spot on my face has taken gigantic proportions and is now staring back at me with a grin. Sometimes I say, “I just don’t like how I look!” I’m learning to tone down the rhetoric and to be kinder and gentler with myself. These days if someone says, “You look good,” I accept it wholeheartedly without resorting to, “but that’s not what I saw this morning as I looked in the mirror!” Vanity can be a downer at times but learning to accept yourself flaws and all is the way to go.

One Day It Clicks

“You realize what’s important and what isn’t. You learn to care less about what other people think of you and more about what you think of yourself. You realize how far you’ve come and you remember when you thought things were such a mess that you would never recover. And you smile. You smile because you are truly proud of yourself and the person you’ve fought to become.” Unknown

Go out and live your very best life and while you’re doing it don’t forget to have an amazing day!

TRUST

A series on Getting Back on Track

“There are two reasons why we don’t trust people.

First – we don’t know them.

Second – we know them.” Unknown

The other day someone asked me, “Why can’t you trust me? Today as I walk the route I always take, thoughts run through my mind and this question arises over and over again. ”Why can’t I trust him and especially anyone for that matter?”

Then this quote pops into my mind. I’ve heard it many times before but today as the trust issue resurfaces, it brings new significance to it.

“Trust takes years to build, seconds to break and forever to repair.” Dhar Mann

It is defined as “having confidence in someone or something” and it means, “I can rely on you to do the right thing.”

Several years ago, I found myself face to face with the horrific dilemma of having placed my trust in the person who had sworn to love and protect me till the end of time and he turned out to be the same person who brought me down to my knees when he took that trust and threw it out the window for a roll in the hay with someone else. It had taken 17 years to build, the foundation was being laid brick by brick but it took only seconds to destroy and the “forever” part well I know that it will take forever to repair.

As I round a bend in the path all is quiet and it is grey and foggy. I realize that it is the perfect stage for where I am right now. Then a small smile crosses my face as I see this quote flash by out of nowhere.

“Don’t ask me to trust you when you’ve given me every reason not to.” Unknown

I don’t think it is about playing detective, trying to find out if you’re telling the truth and keeping tabs on everything you do. It is more about that feeling within, that intuition or call it gut feeling, if you will, that tells me that something is not right here. Pay heed to that gut instinct because it has your best interest at heart. No matter how he professes to love you and even if he stands on his head and declares that he has been faithful to you, take it with a pinch of salt or better still, tell yourself I have “forever” in front of me and time enough for you to show me that I CAN TRUST YOU.

Once I caught my ex in the act of cheating and being the liar he is, I told him, even if I catch you in the act, you will jump up and say, “You didn’t see what you just saw!” Cheaters, well there are plenty of them out there and before placing your trust on a whim or in a moment’s notice, take your time, observe, pay attention to the signs and never, NEVER be pushed into trusting someone simply because they say so.

“Some people aren’t loyal to you, they are loyal to their need of you. Once their needs change, so does their loyalty.” Unknown

Coming back to the question asked by this friend. ”Why can’t you trust me?” My answer goes like this. ”You know the answer and the truth lies within you.” On this journey I have chosen, I am looking for that needle in the haystack.

“I want to hold your hand at 90 and say, “We made it.” Unknown.

If I may add to that, perhaps only then can I say, “I trust you with my whole heart and you will just have to be patient. We have time enough until then.”

The sun is starting to peek out and today is going to be an amazing day.

I am moving on……

HOPE

Looking back at 2024, it was a year of ups and downs, of small successes and big failures, of letting go and holding on and of falling down and picking myself back up, dusting off and moving on. It was of learning who I am, of surprising myself with what I discovered and accepting the inevitable. Through it all, there was hope at the end of the tunnel and like a beacon it beckoned. It said, “you can make it if you just put one foot in front of the other.” So I kept going clinging to the promises that hope made.

“Once you choose hope, anything is possible.” Christopher Reeve

Here we are in the new year and it is time to write on the blank page. Today as I glance at the new year ahead, I know I’ve grown, I’ve learned some lessons and I have let go of things that don’t serve me anymore. I hope that the path ahead will be easier than the last but then again when have we known life to be easy. But there is hope.

I hope I will find what I am searching for. Finding that elusive thing called love will not be easy. I am hoping that when I do, it will light me up from within and I will learn to fly again. There is hope.

Fear would have taken a step back and I will set forth wearing my armor of courage and nothing will make me stumble and when fear beckons as it always does because it has been a constant companion in this journey I call life, I will look it in the face and keep on forging ahead. There is still hope.

The road to success is paved with many stumbling blocks but putting one foot in front of the other will take me there. Looking up at that insurmountable mountain will make me want to run and take cover and fear will tell me that I am not going to make it but the path ahead is where I need to go, one small step at a time. There is hope.

A friend told me that he was alright in his comfort zone. He was happy sitting on the ledge and staring into the distance of nothingness. I told him life does not exist in a vacuum, my friend. It was time for him to move and take that tiny step forward. ”But what if I fall?” he asked. ”Oh but what if you fly?” I said. There is hope.

No one knows what the year ahead holds. One thing is for sure the journey forward won’t be easy and at times more than daunting. The miles to walk will be long and scary and looking for those elusive answers will be like looking for that needle in the haystack. But when all is said and done, I hope I will be standing at the finish line when this new year is done and looking back with a smile on my face at a year full of surprising finishes and much success. There is still hope.

Nikki Banas says it like this.

“If you only carry one thing throughout your entire life, let it be hope. Let it be hope that better things are always ahead. Let it be hope that you can get through even the toughest of times. Let it be hope that you are stronger than any challenge that comes your way. Let it be hope that you are exactly where you are meant to be right now, and that you are on the path to where you are meant to be. Because during these times, hope will be the very thing that carries you through.”

So my friends, let “hope” take us through this year and to the finish line.

Have an amazing day.

Reducing Clutter in My Life

There are many areas. First of all, relationship clutter needs to go. I find that it clouds my mind and I am caught up in a storm of my own making. All the ifs and buts tend to take over and more often than not I am not in a comfortable place. I’m working on that.

Clutter in the home is another thing I need to work on. Especially my closets. No matter how hard I try to clear up space, I don’t seem to be making headway in that direction. I used to be a clothes horse. However, these days I live in my sweats and dress up only when I need to so I don’t need much “stuff.” That’s another area I need to work on.

Lastly, I need to work on all the things living rent free in my head! It is the kind of clutter that takes up space and blurs the vision! Clarity is what I am seeking so those things need to go as well. Where to start? Hmm…..that is the problem. On my way but not quite there yet. It is a work in progress.

Daily writing prompt

Where can you reduce clutter in your life?

View all responses

SINGLEDOM

Photo by Agung Pandit Wiguna on Pexels.com

Being “single” is cringeworthy to some, unbelievable to others, unbearable to those who think “single” is a bad word and a “no go” in today’s society of settling for anything even if it means you are with the wrong person just so long as you have someone to boost your image.

Single is defined as “the state of being unmarried or not involved in a long-term relationship.”

I’m both right now but I have to say it’s working out for me. I love spending time by myself and I’m learning that I like who I am. All the clutter that clouds my mind in a relationship is gone and for a change there is peace and clarity within.

“You’re single not because you are not good enough for one, it’s that you’re too good for the wrong one.” Chris Burkmein

Sometimes we make the wrong choices and wind up in relationships that are not good for us. Taking the time as I am doing to find out why I keep falling for the wrong types is a necessary move on my part. Making a promise to do better the next time around is an integral part of the journey I’m on. It’s a journey of self-discovery and I’m not rushing things. I’m taking my time going within to weed out all the destructive bits that lead me on the self-same journey over and over again.

“It takes a strong person to remain single in a world that is accustomed to settling with anything just to say they have something.” Unknown

Settling is not my thing and never has been and I’m stubborn to a fault. Put the two together and you have someone who may never find the right one and “single” is in her cards forever! However, I’m not giving up hope. Working on myself is a priority this year and when and if the “new” someone shows up, I hope I’ll be ready to lower the banner I have around my heart which says, “Do Not Disturb, Work in Progress!“

It has been said:

“A season of loneliness and isolation is when the caterpillar gets its wings. Remember that next time you feel alone.” Parade

AND

“I’ve been single for a while and I have to say, it’s going very well.

Like…..It’s working out.

I think I’m the one.”

Unknown

All jokes aside, being “single” is nothing to be ashamed of. It just means you are taking time out for yourself, learning who you are, loving yourself, working on your self-worth and when the time is right, you’ll get your wings and you’ll learn to fly with the right person.

“Be strong enough to let go and wise enough to wait for what you deserve.” Unknown

Have an amazing day.

Make Commitments Not Excuses

“When confronted with a challenge, the committed heart will search for a solution. The undecided heart searches for an escape.” Andy Andrews

Commitment is a must if you want to succeed in getting something done, accomplish goals or simply in moving forward. However, commitment is often met with excuses and the easy route is to make an excuse for why you are not capable of doing something and to leave whatever it is that needed done just dangling in mid-air, an unfinished task so to speak. It is often accompanied by “If only I had….” at a later point in time.

“Commitment is defined as the state of quality of being dedicated to a cause, activity, etc.”

It takes work, a certain tunnel-vision to stay on the straight and narrow and to see it through. At times, it is boring and it takes tremendous effort. Excuses, on the other hand, are easy to come by.

Looking for a job is hard work because it will take effort, focus and an unwavering mentality. I really don’t want to leave my comfort zone and be out there looking is not going to cut it. I would rather be watching something on TV or playing computer games is not how you are going to be able to pay your bills. It may be fun but not in the long run. However, this excuse comes with a big price tag attached to it at a later point in time.

“He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.” Unknown

How about making excuses in a relationship? Instead of building a relationship most excuse-mongers have one foot in a relationship and out chasing rainbows looking for that pot of gold with the other. Problem is they wind up losing what they had in the first place. Their excuse is, “I’m not sure.” That is one stupid excuse because keeping several fires burning is not the answer. Dedication is. Build instead of tearing it down.

“If it is important to you, you will find a way. If not, you’ll find an excuse.” Unknown

There there are all kinds of other excuses. One for every topic it seems and those excuses are the ones which keep you from achieving the goals. The all important goal of moving on in life, of making something out of life, of being with that one special someone and so on and so forth. Excuses are a dime a dozen and the path to hell is lined with them! Commitment takes courage, fortitude, a certain mindset and it is success oriented.

“Commitment is an act, not a word.” Unknown

It is what transforms a dream into a reality and it takes more than just dreaming about it. Learn what it takes to make it a reality and go after it. Never giving up is a key element and showing “excuses” the door is another sure way of getting to where you want to be. You can stay awhile in “excuses-land” but only long enough to wet your feet and then move with dedication to the end goal. If you want success, dedication and commitment is the way to go.

“There’s always a way if you’re committed.” Unknown

I AM LEARNING

Photo by Tima Miroshnichenko on Pexels.com

I am learning that each new day is a reminder to do better.

I am learning that I am fully capable of dealing with everything life throws my way.

I am learning that I need to practice gratefulness and to be thankful for all that I have.

I am learning to accept me as I am and to make changes if some of those things don’t work to my greater good.

I am learning to let go of things that don’t serve me and I am making room for those that do.

I am learning that I can’t change people, I can only change myself.

I am learning that life is a journey full of ups and downs and nothing stays the same forever.

I am learning that there is no such thing as forever, just the here and now.

I am learning that love is fleeting at its best and at its worst, it has the potential to turn your world upside down and inside out. Tread carefully.

I am learning that cheaters never change. They are repeat offenders. Integrity is just another word to them. A relationship with such an individual is like throwing pearls at pigs.

I am learning that today is a blessing, a gift and I have it in my power to make it an amazing day.

I am learning that life is ever-changing. It is a learning curve and mistakes are made to show us a new way of handling things and to learn and grow from it. Perhaps that is what life is all about.

“But most of all, I am slowly learning how to just be in this moment. How to exist. How to understand that I cannot control life, that I can only experience it in both its light and its dark stages. I am slowly learning how to laugh and cry and feel through it all, how to welcome the confusion and the joy that come with loving and living and breaking. I am slowly learning how to accept where I am”

“I am slowly learning how to simply believe in the person I am becoming.” Unknown

HAVE AN AMAZING DAY!

The Little Einstein

Chachi, the cat, is on a mission. He is hell-bent on showing me that he’s not dumb and he has plenty to do than sleeping most of the day and the rest of the time cleaning himself as most cats do.

He says: “That’s for the birds mommy!”

My ex, who is a physicist, once said, “Cats are dumb creatures!” Obviously, he hasn’t met my Chachi yet. This little guy has smarts and sometimes I have to sit up, take notice and grit my teeth in frustration.

It started out with little things. I noticed a cupboard door being left open here and there but didn’t pay too much attention to it thinking I had forgotten to close them. I noticed that the same doors were open again even after I had made sure that they were closed. One day, I walked into the kitchen and lo and behold, the doors were open again so I closed them. A few minutes later, I heard rattling coming from behind the door and Chachi dashes out with a panicked look on his face! He had not only opened it but found his way behind the pots and pans AND probably enjoyed having new territories to explore!

A week later, I noticed one of the bedroom doors upstairs standing wide open. Can a cat open a door? The kitchen cabinet doors were closer to the floor but the bedroom door requires “height” and Chachi, the macho, definitely wasn’t big enough to do that or was he? A friend told me, it must be the work of a poltergeist or something. The “something” turned out to be the little guy with the fur coat. One day I caught him in the room and when he saw me, he dashed out like a kid caught with its hand in the cookie jar.

I think Chachi spends most of his days observing and figuring out how to do things when he’s not tearing his stuffed birds and mice to pieces! Like I said before, the little brat has some passive aggressive traits about him.

Fast forward to this morning. I woke up only to find his stuffed bird on the floor with half its insides beside it. Then I noticed the bedside table drawer had been pulled open but wait there’s more. The little guy with the deceptively cute face had opened the TV cabinet door! How?!! The door was locked and the key was in the lock. How did he manage this feat? God, only knows but when I yelled:

“Chachi, you’ve got stop doing this!”

He looked at me nonchalantly as if to say:

“I don’t know what “human” is going on about BUT if she’ll get me a companion to beat up, things will be just fine in my world. This bird stuff is for the birds and I’ve outgrown them!”

Well, folks, I’ve got my hands full with the little munchkin! I think he wants to beat Einstein at his own game! What will he do next? I don’t know and I don’t want to find out!

Have an amazing day.