life – Page 3 – Site Title

Love Lessons

Love as we know has many facets. It is not a one size fits all kind of thing. There is the love between a parent and child, there is the love between a pet and its owner, there is the love of material things but nothing is as powerful as the love that shows up and turns your world on its head and you don’t know if you’re coming or going. It is the kind of love that comes and touches your heart, sends your blood pumping and you are left wondering what happened?

However, this love between a man and woman has its ups and downs. Sometimes it goes smoothly and sometimes when you least expect it, you get the rug pulled out from under your feet. There is the kind that shows up and you are head over heels and the kind that doesn’t get the same response from the other person. There is the kind that takes you for a ride, the kind that breaks your heart into a thousand pieces and hurt becomes a part of loving. There is the kind that loves to play games and the kind that doesn’t give a hoot about your feelings. It is all part and parcel of this thing called love. If you are lucky, you find someone who looks at you and you’re IT and then there is the kind that does circles around you and keeps you guessing.

Different kinds of love but it has one thing in common. Love is powerful and it has the ability to turn an ordinary person into someone extraordinary or leaves you gasping for air. Love lessons they are aplenty and since I’m in this, “What is love really about?” mood, here are some quotes that speak to the heart of the matter.

“Some people teach you what love feels like. Others teach you what love is not. Both shape how you protect your heart.” Unknown

Been there, done that and there is truth in that quote.

“I don’t walk away to teach people a lesson, I walk away because I learned mine.” Unknown

Done this one too. Believe me, the walking away gets easier as time goes along.

Spend your time on those who LOVE you unconditionally. Don’t waste it on those who only love you when the conditions are right for them.” Unknown

Listen carefully to this one. When you are not the priority, leave! No point hanging around.

“Not all love lasts, but the lessons love brings to us do.” Mandy Hale

The absolute truth. Learn from the lessons and let go of the rest.

“Sometimes life sends us people who don’t love us enough, to remind us of what we’re worthy of.” Mandy Hale

This is painful but it is a lesson that has to be learned. You are worthy of real love and not the wishy washy kind. Pay attention to what is shown and take the right path. It is not going to be easy but worthiness comes from knowing who you are and what you will stand for. It demands courage as well to shut the door and to move on.

“Never chase love, affection, or attention. If it isn’t given freely by another person, it isn’t worth having.” Unknown

Quite often we do the chase or the dance or whatever name you give it but you know what I mean. Chasing love, affection, or attention quite often brings the opposite. Don’t chase, let it go and see what happens.

“Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives put us directly on the path to the best things that will ever happen to us.” Nicole Reed

I think this one works on the same principle as karma does. Someone does something bad to you and if you believe in karma, I do, you know that at some point they will get their comeuppance. When? That’s the problem. There is no date or time given, just that it will take place at some point and you have to believe that it will. So when will good things start happening. Same thing. Wait for it and sooner or later it will happen. No fun? Yes, well, life moves to a different beat and all in good time because you have to learn before you reap the benefits, I suppose.

Enough about love? One last thing, love is many-faceted and it has its mysteries but one thing is for sure, WE CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT IT!!

Have an amazing day and I hope the right kind of love finds you.

The Awakening

This one is embarrassing. The best compliment I’ve ever received was when I was in my early 20s and it was given to me by a group of businessmen.

I was in Singapore at the time and in McDonalds meeting a girlfriend for lunch. Sitting behind us was a group of men in suits. They kept staring but I didn’t pay it much mind. After 20 minutes they got up and left. I was glad because they made me uneasy for some reason. A few minutes later they walked back in. There were about 10 of them altogether so I froze in mid-conversation. They walked to our table, one guy had a single rose in his hand and an envelope. He didn’t say a word as he handed me both, smiled, and they left. The place was eerily quiet as everyone glanced over at us.

I opened the envelope and there was a card in it. It said:

“To the most beautiful girl in Singapore.”

It also contained 30 dollars to pay for lunch I guess. Nothing else. No telephone number nothing. I never saw them again but that chance meeting has stayed in my memory because it literally blew my mind! I would get plenty more compliments as time went on but that one on a hot day in Singapore took the cake and has remained in my mind as one of the best compliments of all time!

I was a wild child in my teens running around barefoot in the forest and playing with the ducks and most days I was covered with mud from head to toe but I loved it. I blossomed when I was 16 and those things were put aside. I never thought of myself as a beauty but things changed. I went from being a tomboy to a quiet young woman. More introvert than anything else. That compliment was my awakening to a different world. Beauty is more than a buzz word, beauty is power in some cases. These days they still tell me I am attractive but I march to a different drumbeat. It is more about the inner beauty and not about the fading kind.

Daily writing prompt

What was the best compliment you’ve received?

View all responses

The Most Confident Person I Know

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

This is a hard one and this early in the morning? My mind is doing a scramble to unravel that mystery because I’ve known many people in my life who seemed very confident and had a handle on this thing called life.

If I had to narrow it down to one person, I would say it was my mom. She is no longer here but her presence remains and is a constant reminder that I can do all things as she did in her life. She was a petite person but a giant when it came to raising her children. Some would call her an “helicopter mom” because her life was based around us and she was constantly looking out for us but when it came to parenting, she was a one woman parenting machine! I take many of my cues from her when it comes to my son and the questions he has. She had answers to every question and believe me there were many many questions!

Part of that parenting system didn’t cater to a rambunctious young girl because I wanted things my way but she stood her ground. She stood up to adversity like a pro and challenges were just that, something to be conquered or handled and that was it. No berating herself like I do. I remember her standing tall even at the worst times in her life and even when her life came to an end because someone chose to end it, she put up a fight. She was and is, the most confident person I know and have known. She had faith in herself and in God and these two things combined together were an unbeatable team. I am confident but nowhere close to where she was but I am learning to embrace my own strength and I see confidence in how I handle things as well. Perhaps the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree as they say.

Breathing In Life

It’s interesting how everything comes back to this one thing and that is breathing. We pay it very little mind as we rush through life and forget that it exists but only as something we take for granted. It is that motion of taking in a breath and letting it out that tells us we are alive but how are we breathing? Has stress made your breathing harder, has anger stopped it in its tracks or has sadness made it shallow and rhythmless? Probably all of those things and more. Yet, if we stopped breathing than life would come to a standstill.

I found some beautiful quotes that gets you thinking about this thoughtless process we call breathing. It speaks to just how beautiful and essential it is to breathe and to pay attention to the kind of breathing we are doing.

“Life is amazing. And then it’s awful. And then it’s amazing again. And in between the amazing and the awful its ordinary and mundane and routine. Breathe in the amazing, hold on through the awful, and relax and exhale through the awful, and relax and exhale during the ordinary. That’s just living, heartbreaking, soul-healing, amazing, awful, ordinary life. And it’s breathtakingly beautiful.” LR Knost

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“Stop your worrying, panicking and stressing.

BREATHE.

Remember, you made it this far through difficulties that seemed impossible. Remember how many times you were saved at the very last minute – this time is no different.” Bryant McGill

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“You don’t always need a plan. Sometimes you just need to breathe, trust, let go, and see what happens.” Mandy Hale

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“As you waste your breath complaining about life, someone out there is breathing their last breath.” Appreciate what you have.” Unknown

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“Life isn’t measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.” Unknown

Did something or someone take your breath away today? The Magnolia tree out back took my breath away this morning. It is getting ready to bloom and soon it will be a showpiece as it is every year and it will be enough to take your breath away. The daffodils are shaking their yellow heads, their beauty simple but breathtaking. Most of all, the lone deer that ran through the fields this morning was mesmerizing and breathtaking as I stood and watched it do its spring dance of happiness. I got my daily dose of breathtaking moments today but I’m sure there will be more tomorrow, I just need to appreciate what’s in front of me.

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“Sometimes you need to slow down, remain calm, and simply let life happen. Take a deep breath and focus on the simple important things: you are alive, you are breathing, you are enough as you are.” Unknown

YOU GOT THIS.

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“Listen, are you breathing just a little and calling it a life?” Mary Oliver

Words to pay attention to. We deserve better don’t you think?

Have an amazing day.

Victim

A victim is defined as “a person harmed, injured, or killed as a result of a crime, accident, or other event or action or it could be “a person who is tricked or duped,” or “a person who has come to feel helpless and passive in the face of misfortune or ill-treatment.”

Which are you? Where do you fit in the victim modus because if you’re a victim you will identify with one or the other of the descriptions above. I relate to the last two.

“You only get to be a victim once. After that, you’re a volunteer.” Unknown

I’m not quite sure that I fully agree with that sentiment. I’ve been a victim many times over and each time I tell myself I’ll do better the next time around but when the next time rolls around as it inevitably does, I get dragged in to the same outcomes. Basically, pain, disbelief and anger. Does this mean that I’m ‘volunteering’ to relive victimhood over and over again. Or does it mean that I didn’t learn what not to do the first time around and haven’t learned from my mistakes? Probably both.

“The victim mindset will have you dancing with the devil, then complaining that you’re in hell.” Unknown

I didn’t even know I was a victim until it blindsided me which made it harder to bear. I was a relationship victim, more specifically a victim of deceit and I was the woman who got left behind. However, instead of picking myself back up and moving on, I chose to “dance with the devil.” It took years of soul-searching, of blaming myself for his indiscretions and worst of all cutting myself down to size and way beyond to realize that I was the perfect victim. I must say, I played the role well. I went through the five phases of grief which is denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. It doesn’t often play out that way and it doesn’t always happen in that order either because sometimes you are not given the chance to grieve because the ‘devil’ that caused the problem in the first place keeps hanging on and so there is no closure or learning from your mistakes. Since then, I’ve played ‘volunteer’ if you want to call it that to similar circumstances. However, I am learning not to play victim to circumstances I created myself meaning I knew from the get go what I was getting myself into and that I only have myself to blame for what followed. Is there something about the familiarity of the situation that reels you in or makes you want to play in the mud puddles knowing full well that you’ll get dirty but the “LURE” is just too much to resist? Perhaps. I am trying to change that.

“When you complain, you make yourself a victim. Leave the situation, change the situation, or accept it. All else is madness.” Eckhart Tolle

I know without a shadow of a doubt that I will find myself along the same avenue at a later point in my life, not because I haven’t learned but because life happens and being a victim is woven into my being perhaps because I am too nice, too naive or I am the perfect victim type. Whatever the case maybe, I also know that if it happens again, I am fully equipped to ‘slay the monster,’ and put it to rest where it belongs because I have learned along the way and I am moving on.

“The victim who is able to articulate the situation of the victim has ceased to be a victim: he or she has become a threat.” Unknown

So watch out whoever you are! If you’re here to play games, you better get going. I will no longer volunteer to be your victim. I’ve outgrown the “victim mentality” and I’m on my way equipped with everything that is needed to put those who love or enjoy victimizing people where they belong and that is in the annals of hell!

“We’re sorry, your request for victim status has been denied. You are being referred to the Big Girl Panties Department. Please stand by.”

Have an amazing day.

Moving Forward

We do it everyday without giving it much thought. Each day requires that you put one foot in front of the other and to keep moving forward. The unknown is scary, the future hazy, and not knowing adds to the whole shebang. However, standing still in one spot is not going to do it even if it feels right at the time and digging in your heels and thumping your nose at whatever is in front of you is a no go either. Move forward….you must if you want to get somewhere in life.

“If I’ve learned anything in life, is that sometimes things get in your path and you have a choice: you can either smash right into them or you can adjust and move around, but you have to do one or the other in order to move forward.” Unknown

According to one source, “moving forward is essential for personal growth, overcoming adversity, and unlocking new opportunities, acting as a “cure” for stagnation, regret, and unhealthy fixation on the past.”

Staying fixated on the past is something that all of us are experts on. We can give a run down on how to do that with a smile plastered on our faces, that’s because we’ve done it numerous times. I know I have. I think the “fixation” comes from the familiarity of the past, we know it well, good or bad. Moving forward is a whole different story altogether. Who wants to move forward when the path forward is unclear and there could be a quagmire of sorts waiting for you there. It is risky business but it needs to be done if you want to get anywhere in life.

“Sometimes in order to move on, you have to accept that some things will just never go back to how they used to be no matter how much you want them to.” Unknown

Moving forward also requires strength, a single-minded focus, and the will to survive whatever is coming your way. You have to trust that all will be well as you put that foot forward hoping that whatever is waiting out there will treat you kindly and lead you on the path to success. Here’s the thing, if you’ve got one foot back there, you know where, and one foot in front, that is a surefire way to failure.

“The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are.” J. P. Morgan

Easier said than done? Absolutely. I’ll be the first to say that I love dragging my feet. Even if you give me a push forward, I PUSH BACK! I like staying where it is familiar and comfortable. I do not like the unknown but that has never stopped life from showing me what’s ahead in bits and pieces.

Daphne Rose Kingma said it beautifully.

“Holding on is believing that there’s only a past; letting go is knowing that there’s a future.”

I love that quote because it speaks to the truth of the matter. The past is done with, it is finished, although it loves hanging on and we give it an extra boost by keeping our thoughts and actions focused on it. It is a pesky thing, the past, but it plays its cards well and if it finds someone who will entertain it, it WILL linger on. Let it go. It is no longer needed. You are moving forward.

“Close some doors. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because they no longer lead somewhere.” Unknown

Remember that bit of advice. It is important to close doors that no longer serve your best interests. If you want to head somewhere, keep on moving forwards even if it makes you tremble with fear at times. You can’t go back to the past. The future is waiting so put one foot in front of the other and head that way trusting that you will get to a better place at some point in time.

“It is always important to know when something has reached its end. Closing circles, shutting doors, finishing chapters, it doesn’t matter what we call it: what matters is to leave in the past those moments in life that are over.” Paulo Coelho

AND

“Remember you can’t reach what’s in front of you until you let go of what’s behind you.” Unknown

Well said. I just need to take that advice to heart and learn from it!

Have an amazing day.

Another Day in Paradise

My idea of paradise is open spaces, blue skies, mountains, forests and streams running through the whole shebang! It is beautiful, calming and at the same time mesmerizing.

Today is no different except spring is in the air and there is sunshine everywhere. It’s a great day for a walk and to let the imagination run wild. There is a herd of deer standing still at the top of the hill enjoying the warmth as I’m doing. I watch them and they watch me in return. A shrill squawk attracts my attention and looking skywards, I see a heron in flight. It is majestic as it glides effortlessly through time and space. Two more herons join the symphony in motion and the dance is graceful as they dip and take off again, weightless against an azure blue sky.

A movement down below attracts my attention and two rabbits take off into the bushes and disappear from sight. There is a different energy out here today. Nature is breathing life back into the fields and everything is waking up after a long winter’s sleep, energized and ready to go. The air is crisp but still a little cold. It is exhilariting.

The only problem, there are more people out and about and where once I was the only one paying homage to paradise, it is no longer mine alone. It too is a sign that spring is marching in and staying indoors is for the birds when you have “paradise” just a stone’s throw away!

A beautiful walk nonetheless.

DON’T STRESS!

It is the last thing that I learned and the one that I’ve been trying to come to grips with. It is NOT to stress about whatever comes my way. Easier said than done because I love stressing about anything and everything! I’m an overthinker so that doesn’t help matters much either.

Recently I had problems with my car. The question arose if I should trade it in for a new car or repair it and work with what comes my way. Simple enough? Nope. It became one big stress situation that consumed every minute of my day and if that wasn’t enough, I brought in different scenarios to make matters worse. It became a problem that consumed me until I realized that I needed a solution and FAST!

“Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency.” Natalie Goldberg

I learned it the hard way but I did learn. Things got better when I decided to look at the situation without theatrics, without doomsday predictions and without holding my breath in for long periods of time! The solution came when I calmed down. There were really two options, buy another car or get the one I have repaired.

I decided to get it repaired. It was the cheaper option and since I love the car I have, it became the obvious solution. I placed the order for the part required yesterday, it should be there next week and in two weeks I should have my car back, good as new. Fingers and toes crossed!

Easy enough? It could have been if not for the stressing part which took me on a journey that I didn’t want to be on. Once I calmed down and showed “stress” the door, it became easier. Next time when it shows up as it inevitably will, I will take a deep breath and deal with whatever comes my way in a calm and Zen-like fashion.

Doable? I don’t know but I will give it a try.

The Decision

I’ve been going back and forth on whether to trade in my car and to get a new one. The one I have currently is really dependable and I know how it works and that is the important part. All the new cars have lots of things that I have to get used to and some of them look menacing, meaning, if I pressed something unknowingly, it could shoot to the moon! Just kidding. However, I have developed an aversion to new STUFF!

It was time spent going from dealership to dealership talking to different people and trying to get a handle on the price and how everything works. Luckily, I was able to drag some willing participants to the places I needed to go and the “men” made a commanding presence because a woman alone makes easy prey for those who want to take advantage of that fact. They assume “she” knows nothing but I was armed with knowledge, the Google type, and knew what I was talking about. The men in this case were just there for support, I did the talking.

After test drives of potential cars, I zeroed in on two and then there was one. The last one was a steel blue car that looked pretty nice. It was an hybrid and my first reaction was, NO WAY! However, after driving the little beauty I was sure that this was going to be my companion for years to come. We went to the dealership last Saturday, told the guy I would be back on Monday to sign the papers and to get the process going. On Monday, I woke up early, got my papers together and was SURE that by day’s end, I would be the proud owner of a new car. The appointment was at 11 and since I had time to kill, I stopped by the cafe for a nice cup of coffee. Talked to the owner about my decision and he said, “Sounds great.” So, what happened? I don’t know. Suddenly, I felt like I was drowning and decided to pull the plug!

It was half an hour before the appointment and I knew the sales guy would be pissed. Still, I couldn’t make myself do otherwise. So, the call was made and instead of being mad, he asked why. I told him I wanted to keep my old car. It needed the driver’s side headlights replaced and the cost would be around 2,000 euros. Still cheap compared to the thousands I would have to fork out for a new car. The selling point was that I like my car, I know how it runs and I am comfortable with it. He said, no problem and I was off the hook. Talk about a load off my shoulders!

Back home, I called the repair shop and they said, “Sure, come by with the car and we can take the order.” Total wait time for the part to get there was around two to three days and replacement time around 3 hours. Now, I’ve got everything, fingers and toes crossed that once the headlight gets replaced, the car will run smoothly without coming up with something else. I can only hope.

One thing I’ve learned during this process is to get as much knowledge as you can about buying a car. What to look for, the pitfalls and never let someone pressure you into buying something you are not sure of. Even if you are confident, never try to go there alone. Bring company and somehow THEY think men know better! That’s not the case but let them think that.

We know different!

Have an amazing day.

The Thaw

Is it Day 6 or 7? I can’t keep up anymore but it has been several days since Shiro and Galahad were left in my care. They are cats, if you’re wondering. Shiro is a Persian cat, all white with startling blue or perhaps green eyes, and Gallahad is a British long-haired cat with dark fur and brilliant orange eyes. Yes, they are pretty and belong to my son. Where is he? He has moved to another state to start his new job. Leaving them behind was hard and still is for him and exhausting for me.

Chachi, the cat, my little guy is spoilt beyond repair and he was lord of the jungle until these two walked in and took command. Galli took his window seat by the kitchen and Shiro has claimed his basket upstairs. They were his favorites and giving them up hasn’t set well with the Little Macho. Every time I tried to get them to play, the little brat decided there was no way in hell he was going to do that. This is his place and besides you don’t take stuff away without asking first. He is someone with principles or rather he was brought up to toe the line. So, he froze them out and every time he got a glimpse of them, he would HISS and let it be known that he wasn’t going to put up with their presence. He has been spending a lot of time in my bedroom with the door shut! Now, he hates me as well! Life as Chachi knew it is a thing of the past and the Little Snort is shooting daggers at me and acting like he is a block of ice!

However, today he decided to turn things around. I guess spending time alone in the room hasn’t set too well with him OR he is trying a new tactic. He is not called Little Einstein for nothing. This morning, he looked longingly at the closed door so I opened it and warned him to be nice. Galli sashayed past him without batting an eyelid. Chachi sniffed and went, “Grrr!!!”

ME: “Chachi!!”

HIM: “I was just kidding. He is not that big close up.”

ME: “Behave!”

HIM: “You want to play big guy?”

GALLI: “Sure, we can play.” Silently thinking, wait till your mommy turns her back on you!

So, I left them, ran down the stairs, got the vacuum cleaner, I vacuum two or three times per day now and it is exhausting. Oh ok, I said that already. Anyway, I ran back upstairs and my little guy was in his bowl elevated off the floor with Galli sitting beneath and looking up at him. So far, so good. Then Chachi decided to up the ante. He reached out with one paw and swiped Galli on the head! Big mistake. The big thaw was now freezing back up again. This was Galli’s chance and he took it. He came in with both paws and before he could land a POW WOW on Chachi, I stepped in.

Chachi yelled, “You’re a spoilsport mommy! I could have taken him!”

GALLI: “You’re right Chachi. She is that but I like her.”

Chachi: “Come here Galli, I want to show something. You’ve been begging for it!”

I stepped in and shooed Galli out of the room and Chach went under the bed leaving a slight growl hovering in the air.

I shut the door and so it has been for the last hour or so. The “thaw” is taking place but it is going to take a few more days before I can trust them to play together. What’s with Shiro? She’s a girl and as long as everything is nice and clean, she’s a happy camper. She is under the stairs, eyes closed and enjoying herself. Boys? They are a different matter altogether!

For now, it is life as usual at “Casa de gatos.”

Have an amazing day.