love – Page 9 – Site Title

Make Peace & Move On

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Making peace is necessary because it is a step in the right direction, that of moving on. It involves five steps to resolve a difficult situation and or experience.

You first have to acknowledge and confront your feelings.

Next, you have to understand why those feelings exist and how they are affecting you. This involves reaching in the past to see how it is affecting your present.

Forgiveness is next. This is hard to do. Sometimes it is impossible to forgive but if you’re up to it, forgive yourself and others for their part in causing you distress. Easier said than done I know.

Then comes letting go. This part is not easy either but it needs to be done to move forward. Release negative emotions and leave it behind you and don’t keep looking back at that closed door.

The final part is moving forward. You’ll have to find a way to live with what you’ve experienced without letting it dominate your life.

Making peace is a journey just like moving on is. You’ll have to take it one day at a time and be ready to stand back up if you take a fall which will happen. Sometimes it takes several falls before you find your way again.

Here are some quotes to help you on your way.

“One of the most courageous decisions you’ll ever make is to finally let go of what is hurting your heart and soul.” Brigitte Nicole

“It isn’t enough to talk about peace. One must believe in it. And it isn’t enough to believe in it. One must work at it.” Eleanor Roosevelt

“Closure happens right after you accept that letting go and moving on is more important than projecting a fantasy of how the relationship could have been.” Unknown

“If you don’t make peace with your past, it will keep showing up in your present.” Wayne Dyer

This is so true.

“Making peace with your past means:

Grieving the version of yourself who made different choices, lived with different perspectives, and walked a different path.” Unknown

MOVING ON…….

“You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation, trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could’ve, would’ve happened ….or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move on.” Tupac Shakur

Beautifully said.

Have an amazing day.

Houston, we’ve got a problem!

Chachi, the cat, hates changes. He’s like his mom in that respect. However, I learned just how steadfastly he holds on to his routines and all that he is used to a couple of days ago.

I love Googling and I came across this article on cats and their feeding utensils. I realized I had been doing it all wrong. They suggested a flat plate for food so that it doesn’t hurt their whiskers. I decided to rectify the situation and pronto! Amazon was on speed dial and the plates were on the way. They arrived the next day.

Little Einstein had his eyes trained on me as I opened the packages. He eyed me suspiciously.

HIM: “What are you up to?!!”

ME: “I promise you’re going to like them.”

HIM: “WHAT?!!”

He came closer and sniffed the package. I took one flat silver-coloured plate out and placed it in front of him.

HIM: “What’s this?!!! If you think I’m going to eat from it, you’ve got another thing coming!”

The battle lines were drawn and I didn’t know it at the time but I was on the losing end!

Evening rolled around and I put his food in the new plates and carried it upstairs. Little Macho followed, his pug-nose showing disdain and a walk that spoke volumes but I wasn’t paying attention. I sat the plates down and with a flourish said, “Wow, brand new plates. They look lovely!”

He turned around and with those big eyes spitting fire, well, it would have if he could, but instead he walked to the plates and proceeded to bury them with his paws. Oops, I was in for a fight but what else is new? So, I went back downstairs and filled the other bowl with water and came back upstairs. Cookie Dough was on the ground thumping his tail.

ME: “You’ll get used to it.”

HIM: “That’s what you think! I’m going on a food and water strike starting NOW!”

The next morning, his food and water were untouched and Little Macho looked grumpy as hell. To make matters worse, he hadn’t done his big or his little stuff! It’s the first time this has happened and I was worried. I was on “Poop and Pee Pee” watch. Nothing was happening and the little thing had a smirk on his face!

Two days later and with no results of either kind, I was more than worried. On Day Three, I gave him his water in the old bowl and the little warrior went to town quenching his thirst. Then he turned to me and looked at the food.

HIM: “What about those? BRING ME BACK MY OLD BOWLS!”

ME: “Buddy, I gave in on the water but you’re stuck with the food plates!”

I got this look of disbelief but he decided to reel it in. He walked to the plate and gingerly took a bite. Then a few more bites and when he had had his fill, he pushed the rest of the food on the floor and trounced out of the room!

A few hours later, I heard him in his toilet. It was like waiting for manna to fall from heaven! When I heard the familiar sounds, I let out a sigh of relief. It was a done deal. I didn’t win the battle but I got a compromise and believe me, you take what you can get where the little guy is concerned and be happy with it.

HIM: “The next time you get one of your bright ideas, check with me first!”

Spoiled? Absolutely.

This Thing Called Love (5)

There was a darkness within her,

A storm behind her eyes,

She was complicated,

But simple,

Brave,

But terrified.

She had the heart of a mighty lion,

But deep inside she cried,

Her face was full of beauty,

Her head was full of lies,

And although the outside was pretty,

She was dead and empty inside.

Julie Addicott

Recognize her? I do. I was like her, one of the “walking dead.” We walk the earth as living, breathing human beings but inside, we are dead as a doornail. We are the ones who can’t let go and the ones who hold on to a past that had us in its grip in more ways than one. The ones who believed that love was forever and when it broke apart, we died inside.

I was that person. My eyes smiled but the inside was a cold and barren place. There was an iciness that no fire could thaw and no love could set ablaze. It was done and I moved slowly taking each day as it came, the guardian of a heart that no longer beat even though it was alive.

It took some time, a long time before I felt the thaw. Life was slowly being breathed back into me again. I don’t know what changed, I only know that I wasn’t afraid to embrace the unknown and I was ready to move forward, slowly but surely.

Then he walked in. We clicked immediately. My insides screamed that I knew him and I knew him well. I put it down to the similar experiences we had shared. He was a world traveler and we could talk for hours about a lot of things. Or could it be the gentle way he looked at me or even the way his hand would reach for mine when I wasn’t expecting it. Sometimes he would reach out and stroke my cheek or even the way we could sit for hours side by side without saying a word but feeling at home there. There was something about him that tugged at my heart. Could it be that he was hiding secrets my heart didn’t see? It was a dance of getting close, and moving apart. It was lovely, chaotic and beautiful all rolled into one. Those feelings I had left behind were front and center again and after having been in the desert of nothingness, I was coming alive with him by my side.

Then one day, he said those words. The ones that made my heart skip a beat. “I LOVE YOU.” It wasn’t said in haste or as an afterthought and it seemed genuine enough but the next day, I would know why he had seemed familiar. He was one of the “walking dead.” When he realized that the feelings he had let die was now taking hold, he ran. I was ready but he wasn’t. We would carry on this dance of reaching out and pulling back, of wanting more but we knew that it was a fire that could sear if we let it burn. We went our separate ways only to return time after time. “We always keep coming back to each other and you’ve always been the one.” Those were his words.

A few weeks ago, he called and we talked, strangers once again. “I need to figure this out,” he said, his voice tinged with confusion. I understood it well. I had been there not too long ago. When he uttered those three little words, I knew that it would be just a matter of time before he would run in a different direction, one that didn’t involve feelings, this much thinking and one that wouldn’t include me. Love is scary when you’ve experienced the destruction it can bring.

I have a tendency to excuse bad behavior and this was more than that. He was unavailable and instead of staying in his lane, he crossed over. Luckily, I had been on my journey of self-discovery for some time and even though it hurt, it didn’t destroy me because I was emerging as a much stronger person than where I had started from.

This thing called love wears many faces and sometimes it hurts like hell. It is also not a, “one size fits all” kind of thing. It has its quirks, it has its ways and sometimes just when you think you’ve found what you’re looking for, it pulls the rug from under you. There’s no rhyme or reason for why this happens and there are no guarantees. Perhaps, it’s because some of us love too hard and go all in only to find that when it leaves with no goodbyes, we die a sudden death, one that leaves you breathing but dead inside.

Sad but this too is a thing called love.

THE ONE (Archives)

“As you awaken, you will come to understand that the journey to love isn’t about finding “THE ONE” the journey is about becoming “THE ONE.” Craig Crippen

Ever since I started putting myself back in the dating circle, I’ve asked this question over and over again. How do I spot “The One?” Will he stand out like a sore thumb or will our paths cross and sparks would fly? The answer surprisingly is you’ll have to look, decipher and discard as you go along to find that one special person. Love like in the movies is for the make-believe theater. Real life is something else.

However, he’s NOT the one if he takes you for granted.

He’s not the one if he enjoys cutting you down to size because it makes him feel good.

He’s definitely not the one if anger is part of his DNA and he goes on a rage fest every chance he gets.

He’s not the one if your feelings do not matter to him.

He’s not the one if he’s hung up on someone else and you are just a substitute.

He’s not the one if he doesn’t take the opportunity to show you how much he cares.

He’s definitely not the one if he doesn’t spoil you!

He’s definitely not the one if he loves you one minute and walks off when someone else catches his fancy.

He’s not the one if being a “woman” in his books means you are the weaker sex.

He’s not the one if he looks down on you. Nope, definitely not the ONE!

He’s not the one if there isn’t tingling in your cells when he touches you.

He’s definitely not the one if he makes you question your self-worth.

He’s not the one if spending time with you is a chore and not a priority.

On the other hand….

IF HE IS THE ONE….

You’ll never have to question

who he chooses because it will be you every day.

He will be the support that you’ve prayed for, the fantasy that you thought only existed in movies and the friend that will never leave your side.

He will love you, flaws and all, & even past any pain that you’ve ever experienced. He will be intentional about his efforts.

If he’s the one,

you’ll know that you’re a priority,

not a backup plan. Unknown

And folks that will show you a clear cut path to true love, at least I hope so!

Have an amazing day.

Intuition (Archives)

The Cambridge Dictionary defines it as: “an ability to understand or know something immediately based on your feelings rather than facts.” In other words, it is often referred to as your gut feeling and it is a powerful tool and if you pay attention to it, it has the ability to stop you from getting into dire circumstances. It all boils down to, if we pay attention to it but as humans that is a hard thing to do.

It is that gnawing sensation within your gut which tells you something is off or doesn’t feel right. It is that innate sense of knowing between right and wrong and it is the truth within that speaks louder than words. Listen to it because it only has your best interest at heart.

I know I’ve turned my back on it many a times. I’ve heard it whispering, “Listen to me. Pay heed because you’re treading in dangerous waters and you will get hurt.” Yet, I chose to turn my back on it all because I thought I knew better or simply put, I wanted something I couldn’t have. When I found out my ex was cheating on me, my intuition knew way before the truth ever came out. Looking back, I heard it roaring inside me and still I had blinders on until I came face to face with it but if truth be told, I KNEW long before I found out. Knowing that didn’t make it hurt any less. It has been said:

A Women’s Intuition is Dangerous

“If she keeps questioning you about a specific topic, over and over again, she isn’t looking for an answer. Most of the time, she already knows the truth but wants to see if you’re going to be honest with her.” M. Sosa

Even now and many years later since I got rid of the cheater, I still find myself in situations which tells me that taking my “intuition” seriously doesn’t come easily. I can often hear it ROARING loudly but I tend to choose the other route, more specifically the path of my own making and lo and behold, there I am again stuck knee-deep in a mess of my own making. If only I had listened…..

So, the next time, you hear that little voice within, or that giant roar that booms loudly telling you to jump ship before it is too late, HEED IT, PAY ATTENTION TO IT and say thank you. It is only looking out for you.

“Never discredit your gut instinct. You are not paranoid. Your body can pick up on bad vibrations. If something deep inside of you says something is not right about a person or situation, trust it.” Simple Reminders

Or else you’ll keep seeing this over and over again.

“TOLD YOU SO!”

Sincerely,

Your Intuition

Have an amazing day.

Scammers (Archives)

Update: Scammers are everywhere not just on the dating sites. It is a jungle out there in more ways than one. My phone has been ringing non-stop from long distance numbers and they offer anything from lowering my utility bill costs to I’m a winner! There are several who call on a daily basis and I usually don’t pick up when the numbers seem familiar. However, it is frustrating and more than agitating having to deal with these people. Get a JOB and earn money that way. Nope, they want to do it the easy way, that of scamming others out of their hard-earned money. They come on sweet, they have pity-party stories and they know how to get at your heart and to make you part with your money. Beware because it is a jungle out there.

“There are so many scams on the internet now a days. Send me $19.95 and I will tell you how to avoid them.” Unknown

Sounds funny doesn’t it but if truth be told those that have fallen prey to this group know that it is far from it. Heartbreak, sadness, feelings of loss not only of money but emotionally as well are the aftermath of being tangled in a scammer’s web of lies. There are plenty of these wolves in sheep’s clothing on the dating platforms and spotting them takes knowledge, know-how and treading carefully.

The men and women who prey on the weak, vulnerable and the lonely know exactly how to go about setting their nets and if you’re out there looking for true love online, be very careful.

Here’s how to spot these losers. According Aura.com, “Americans have lost over a billion dollars to romance scams in the past year alone,” not to mention world wide. It is a lucrative business for these unscrupulous individuals who don’t give two hoots about your heart, let alone your well-being. It is all about what they can get for nothing.

“The first step towards avoiding scams is to learn how to spot them.” Unknown

They have fake profiles and more often than not the photos are usually of attractive individuals with great smiles. Most of these photos are not their own.

They are quick to call it love even before having met you. Taking it to the next level in a short amount of time is their game plan. “I want to spend my life with you!” or “You are the woman of my dreams,” are the ploys used and for the lonely, it is a definite lure.

They push for personal information and try to move the conversation off the dating site and into somewhere more private so that they can skim personal data or information and use it to their advantage.

Once they have you hooked, the plan goes into action. Suddenly they need financial help and you’re the cash cow. Please send gift cards or cash to help me out of the predicament I am in is their usual battle cry and believe it or not many fall for it.

They will never meet in person and they will come up with numerous excuses for why they can’t. Usually they are on an oil rig faraway with only a cellphone but they can’t make calls but they can write you. So please add me to your social media platforms will be next. This will be followed by this is their last contract and they are retiring after that. Suddenly something goes wrong and they have no access to money so they need your help. It reeks of stupidity but not to people who fall for it. The scam continues as long as they can get something out of you but stops as soon as they realize it’s a dead-end.

How to outsmart a romance scammer? If you belong to the Lonely Hearts Club, remember that these lowlifes are looking for money, your money. Love is the last thing on their minds.

Ask for a current photo.

Request to meet in person.

Ask detailed questions because, “the devil is in the details.”

Request a video chat, this will never happen.

Ask for their phone number and if you do get it, it will be a fake number.

Their motto is:

“Let’s cut to the chase, you give me money and I’ll disappear faster than a magician with a rabbit.” Famstatistics.FM

If all else fails, remember what is too good to be true, usually is! Or you can say,

“I’m sorry, my scam detector is ringing.” Unknown

Whatever you do, know that they are out there in more numbers than you think possible so be cautious, get savvy and stay safe. It’s a jungle out there!

Have an amazing day and don’t fall prey to a scammer!

What Gets Better With Age?

Good question but I have no clear-cut answers for you. One thing I know is that my perceptions of certain things have changed with time. I also know that those things I thought were important at a certain stage in my life are no longer as important as they were.

In my younger days, I used to think that “looks” were important. If he was good-looking, dark and handsome I was all in. Add a gorgeous smile and I was hooked. Later I found out that sometimes looks are deceiving. There isn’t much there when you dive deeper. Sometimes intelligence is sorely lacking and after two dates, there is absolutely nothing to talk about but the mundane and the boring!

I’m older and wiser now. Looks don’t matter as much now. There has to be a minimum but it doesn’t make or break a relationship. What gets better with age? I think it is wisdom. You learn from your mistakes, you try not to repeat them again and you just know more about life and how it works. Not that you can get an handle on it, but you get adept at dealing with what life throws your way and that is a good thing. I also have the wisdom to know when to leave a table especially when nothing good is being served there. This is something new because I used to be like a dog with a bone and now it rolls over like water over a duck’s back! Perhaps it is wisdom or perhaps “aging’ brings on a new persona, one that is not all based on drama! Anyway, there is a difference in how I deal with things and it seems to be in a more mature way.

Daily writing prompt

What do you think gets better with age?

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Where Are You Going?

Do you know? Do you know where your next destination is? Do you have a plan in mind? Or are you thinking, I’ll take whatever comes my way? Here’s the problem.

“If you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there.” Lewis Carroll

Is that where you want to go? Just anywhere? I think you want better just as I do. Any road is not going to take me to where I want to go. I want better, I want better than what I left behind and I KNOW where I want to go. Having a destination matters and even if it’s not clear as it should be, having a plan, albeit a vague one, helps you to get moving towards your goal.

“If you don’t know where you’re going, how are you going to get there.” Unknown

Good question but often we are caught between the past and the future. We have one foot in yesterday, or maybe for some of us both feet back there, and we’re pretending like we’re moving on when in actuality we are staying put where we are, holding on to the memories and mistakes of yesterday. You can’t move on when you keep looking at that closed door. It’s not going to open and if by chance it does open, it will bring more of the same because it hasn’t changed but it has the power to hold you captive for a long, long time.

“Each season of your life is here to help you write a different part of your story. Stop living inside past chapters.

You’ve learned lessons and you’re better for them. Honor where you are and soak up everything this season has to offer you.” Unknown

Each season has something to offer but you’ve got to keep moving to find out what is waiting for you in the next one. So, where are you headed today? Are headed somewhere nice or are your feet moving forward but you’re eyes are trained back to where you came from? Letting go is not as simple as it seems. You can say, “I let go,” but really doing it is another thing altogether. Been there, done that, and still doing it! Only you can do the act of “letting go” and only you know when the right time is for you. Don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise. They are not walking in your shoes. Take your time but do it. Moving forward and letting go of the past requires that one monumental step, that of closing the chapter behind you.

“Keep going, because the best is yet to come.

Keep going, because you’re stronger than you think you are.

Keep going, because every step forward brings you one step closer to your goals.

Keep going, because you deserve to see what happens when all of your hard work pays off.”

Have an amazing day, breathe and keep moving forward.

Rise Up and Stand Tall

“Every morning you have two choices; continue to sleep with your dreams or wake up and chase them.” Carmelo Anthony

I’ve found that it’s easy to stay where you’re at. It doesn’t take much effort and it is comforting. You can mope, scream at whoever wants to listen and sometimes look for someone to blame for all your woes but what does that bring you? You’re not going anywhere if you stay put. It takes strength to stand back up. It takes courage to fight the battle and it takes the fire within you to keep on going. There were times when I wanted the world to go away and to leave me be. Let me wallow in misery was what I screamed but when all was said and done, I stood back up as I have done many times before. It takes putting one foot in front of the other and to just keep moving. I didn’t know where I was going, I only knew that I couldn’t stay where I was.

“It’s ok if you fall down and lose your spark. Just make sure that when you get back up, you rise as the whole damn fire.” Unknown

One thing is for sure, standing back up is not for the weak of heart but there is no other choice. You can claw your way back up, grasp at a helping hand to give you the boost you need or you can do it on your own. Whichever way you choose, there is only one way to go. Rise up and stand tall. It’s scary I know and it takes superhuman strength to move even an inch at times and that rabbit hole is inviting. If truth be told, it is not a permanent solution. If you want to feel the light back on your face again, you’ve got to move. You are fully capable of doing it.

“Do not forget who you are and where you come from. You are made of the brightest stars and the widest oceans. You are made of the highest mountains and the tallest trees. You are made of magic and dreams, wishes and light. You have heroes, warriors, kings, queens, gods and goddesses flowing through your veins. You come from infinite possibilities and incredible odds. You are here for a reason.” Nikki Banas

Make that reason count. You, my friend, are invincible. There is magic within you and that wand you hold in your hand, invisible though it may be, it has the power to change your life. Put it to good use and don’t give that rabbit hole a second look, it’s a thing of the past. You are meant for bigger and better things. You are powerful, you are beautiful and you are enough as you are.

“Fall seven times, stand up eight, and with each rise, you’ll find your strength will multiply.” Unknown

Have an amazing and powerful day.

Subjects of Authority?

I don’t consider myself an authority on any one subject. Some subjects I am good at because of what I have lived through like grief, murder and the aftermath, and relationships and others I gloss over, glad that I don’t have to give it too much attention.

I know that grief takes a long time to dissipate. It hangs on and it takes but a little reminder to bring it all rushing back just like it was yesterday. I also know that time does make the pain less and time also erases the vividness, that is a godsent. However, grief is yours alone to bear and others may offer help but when it comes down to it, you are the carrier and you have to deal with it.

Murder is something that I never thought would visit my family. We were upper- middle class and we lived in a safe neighborhood or so it seemed. When murder comes visiting it doesn’t care where you live, who you are and what you’re about. It has the ability to cross lines and being in the wrong place at the wrong time is all it takes. I also know that long after the person is gone, the after-effects keep on coming. It takes strength, it takes courage and it takes forgiveness to let go and to move on. However, it doesn’t happen overnight, it takes a long time before that happens.

I can’t say I am an expert on relationships but my problem was that I believed in forevers. So when my marriage took a dive after many years, I was devastated. I didn’t see it as being married to the wrong person but instead I took it personally. When it broke and went down, I went down with it. It took a long time to come out of that rabbit hole and to live life again. The after-effects are still felt but it is a lesson learned and one I don’t want to repeat.

I speak from experience but not as an authority on any one subject. I think experience sometimes makes you an expert because you learned what you didn’t really want to learn but because of life and its idiosyncrasies there was no choice but to pick up the pieces and to keep on going.

Daily writing prompt

On what subject(s) are you an authority?

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