Wishing and making it come true are two different things. However, if wishes could come true, I wish for a day of doing NOTHING! Absolutely nothing.
Most days I get up at around 6 in the morning not because I want to but because Chachi, the cat, has an inbuilt alarm clock that goes off each morning at the very same time. He decides that it is time for his mom to get up as well! After a cup of coffee and a light breakfast, I watch the news. These days watching the news is an uneasy process. I can stomach about 15 minutes or less and it’s enough of Trump and his craziness already!
It is time to get ready for the day. It starts off with a few minutes of meditation and off I go. Some days there is just too much to get done and being single means “fixing” things that don’t work. It could be something as small as replacing a lightbulb or as big as getting a major gadget repaired. Having a house means there are things that need repairing and if I can’t get it done than it’s time to get someone to come in and take care of it. However, I also do things to keep the stress factor in check like walking or just going quiet for a while but I want a day where I can get up at my own leisure, stay in PJs all day and have absolutely nothing to do. No phone calls to answer, no text messages to reply to and nothing to take care off. If not every day then just for a day.
“A place where you meet yourself, where you embrace and appreciate your own company. Exactly, where you face your fears and rethink your decisions. Solitude is that essential place to recharge our inner energy.” Tuwalily
It’s a place I go to where I can shut out the noise, the distractions and the clutter that make up my life. I go within where there is peace to be found, resilience and strength. Solitude and stillness is where answers can be found and I get the strength to move on from where I’m at.
Solitude is defined as a “healthy, personal discipline that allows you to engage in meaningful self-reflection. Loneliness, however, is a state of sadness because one has no friends or company.” fullsailleadership.com
I embrace solitude and there is a certain deliciousness that comes from being still and listening to what is being told to you. When you get rid of the chatter, you get clarity.
“Solitude is where I place my chaos to rest and awaken my inner peace.” Unknown
Meditation, yoga or just a simple walk in the fields helps to open up a world of possibilities. A world where you are not confronted by what others think of you, of having to measure up, or of conforming to what is considered the norm. You can let go and just be yourself. It’s a place where you can go deep within and really see what you’re holding there, find out who you are and a place where you can learn to let go of what doesn’t serve you. There is peace within and unlimited resources but in order to reap the benefits, you need to come face to face with the ugliness, the so-called remnants of your past and retrain your mind to see different. Change your mindset and everything will start falling into place as it should. Solitude is where I find my peace and if I’m willing, it shows me who I am and what I need to change to get to the other side.
“Solitude is dangerous. It’s addicting. Once you see how peaceful it is, you don’t want to deal with people anymore because they drain your energy.” Unknown
I spend a lot of time by myself. I’m learning to love it to the point that I choose my own company to that of being with friends or family. I think that I am my own best friend which is a good thing but as the quote says, it can be addicting and like I sometimes say, I’m a recluse or at least feel like one at other times. I’ve come up with a solution to this predicament. I’m really going to make an effort to spend more time with people to break this monotony because both is needed to make me a complete person. However, home is where my heart is.
My bouts of solitude has made me stronger and fully capable of dealing with what life throws my way. There is strength in solitude so seek it, use it and learn that there is a source you can go to when life decides it’s that time again. What time? Time to learn another lesson and before you go, “Oh no!” make solitude your friend and ally and things will start looking up.
“Make yourself a priority once in a while. It’s not selfish. It’s necessary.” Unknown
The dictionary defines a WHAT-IF as a “question that asks someone to imagine what might happen or what might have happened.” Life is full of what-ifs and some of us live our lives carrying that load around knowing full well that it will never become a reality.
We carry the “what ifs” of the past, present and the future that makes life a caricature of what it should be. We whip out the “what ifs” of yesterday to justify where we are today and they affect your present and future like a ripple effect.
We ask:
What if we had stayed together? Life would be so much better today wouldn’t it? Well would it?
What if he/she hadn’t died on me? We would have a wonderful life today. Is that guaranteed or just make-believe?
What if I hadn’t done X, Y, or Z, I would have a completely different life now. Really?
What ifs are suppositions that tend to paint our world in make-believe colors, whatever they may be. The fact is ‘what ifs’ can’t change what has happened and there are no guarantees that if they hadn’t happened, we would be in a different place today. Whatever happened, it happened and for whatever the reason. It was bad but there is no going back. It is a part of the past, accept it and move on.
“That’s the thing about ‘what ifs’; they don’t matter. They don’t change anything. All they do is make it unable for you to heal.” Lindy Zart
So you loved someone with all your heart and that person left you, it happened and they live on in memories nothing more. Accept it and move on. YOU have a life to live.
Someone hurt you in the past. They knew what they were doing but you don’t have to keep paying a price for their meanness. They will reap what they sowed at some point in time. Remember what goes around comes around. Yours is not to ask when or how. All in good time. Let it go and heal.
Life happened and threw you a curveball and you are still asking what if? It doesn’t matter but what matters is that you are in the here and now and those ‘what ifs’ don’t matter anymore only if you let them.
“What” and “if” are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life.”Unknown
What if? What if? What if?
Let’s change it to “Why not.”
Why not have a great life? You deserve it don’t you?
Why not leave the past behind you where it belongs? The dead do the haunting not the living. Let it be.
Why not laugh, smile, jump for joy, live and move on? It is your right to do so, isn’t it?
Leave the ‘what ifs’ where they belong. Not in the past, not in the present and not in the future. However, if it keeps bugging you, ask “now what?” Stay in the present and look towards the future and you’ll be just fine. Let’s give the pesky ‘what ifs’ a heave ho and right out the door!
I’ve been trying to beat this addiction as I call it and it has been giving me a run for the money! It has been “winning” (like Trump would say) and I’ve fallen off the bandwagon many times over, it’s all par for the course. However, I’ve made it without cheesecake for a week now and it feels great but the craving is still there. It is heaviest right before sleep when I see cheesecakes floating before my eyes and begging for attention! The lure is slowly subsiding but we’ll see how this goes. So far so good. 👍
Some of you may know of my addiction to cheesecake as I’ve been posting about it often enough here.
I consider myself to have tremendous willpower and those who have gotten through that barrier were allowed to do so on my terms. However, I’ve met my match and it wasn’t made in heaven!
This creamy concoction of cream cheese and all things nice has taken hold and ever since that first bite I’m a prisoner in every sense of the word! What happened to willpower? It has given up and is hiding somewhere.
Let me tell you, I’ve tried my best but my best doesn’t seem to be enough to get rid of this addiction. I make it for a week and then I hear it calling my name. Within seconds, I am sitting down to a nice slice of scrumptious cheesecake and a cup of coffee. It’s heaven if you ask me. It (the cheesecake) knows that I’m putty in its hands!
I tried getting rid of the “fixer.” I call him the cheesecake guy. He brings or used to bring me a whole cheesecake every weekend. Half of a plain no frills variety and a cherry filled one. The problem was I had a never-ending supply of cheesecake and every time I walked by the fridge, it called and I obliged! So, it was time to get rid of the source. It wasn’t that difficult to do since I am getting rid of the “menfolk” to work on myself. However, the “no cheesecake” policy is much harder. Something seems to be missing.
No worries. There is still the bakery where the ladies who work the counter always greet me with a knowing grin. “One cheesecake?” Yes, they know me well. I broke down and bought a whole cheesecake yesterday and had a slice for breakfast today! Nope, it is not going well. I’m still hooked on this piece of nothingness and who would have thought that IT would be my biggest nemesis. Time to work on winning the battle. If there is one thing I know about myself, it is that I’m up for challenges and I KNOW I CAN BEAT THIS ADDICTION!
Most of us cringe at the thought of doing the hard things. Be it a break-up, walking away, losing a job or letting go of things that no longer serve us, it is an exceptionally hard thing to do. It is not something we look forward to because it means taking the bull by the horns and waging war on what seems to be an impossible task at first. Given time, patience, perseverance and a hard-headed look at what needs to be done to get to the other side, we find it is doable but not easy.
Easy is not what life is about. If anything, easy is not in its vocabulary. It seems at times that “living” is about going through the hard stuff. Sometimes one and sometimes a string of unsolvable and often times impossible situations but you and I know that it is those hard times and how you deal with it that brings out the strength in us. Sure, it would be easier if we didn’t have to deal with them but when has that stopped life from throwing the hard stuff our way?
Where would we be without them? Probably having a great time without having to walk through the minefield of the hard stuff all equipped and designed to bring you down to your knees if you make a false move. There is no right or wrong way of going about it, it is trial and error and an undying resilience to take what is handed to you and to make it work for you. We’ve all made those false moves where we’ve crashed and burned and just when you think there is nothing left to do except to pick up the pieces and make the most of it, there is light at the end of the dark tunnel. There is that open door that beckons because as you know when one door closes another one opens but it is human nature or at least it is mine to look past it and back at the one that has closed and is no longer available.
“Hard things are hard because there are no easy answers or recipes. They are hard because your emotions are at odds with your logic. They are hard because you don’t know the answer and you cannot ask for help without showing weakness.” Ben Horowitz
The hard stuff has kept me captive for longer than I want to admit. Truth is, I don’t do “HARD” well. Holding on is my nemesis, letting go of things that no longer serve me is harder still and moving on, well that is an impossible task at times. I hold on hoping that changes will come my way but it never does. Things happen for a reason, people are the way they are because they are wired that way and looking and hoping is not going to change things. However, whatever life throws your way, there is a lesson in there somewhere but it is hard to see when it first hits you. I think we fail miserably at times because we walk in circles, bang our heads on that closed door and refuse to move on until we are drained of energy and there is nothing else to do but to walk through that open door. Human nature at its best? I think so.
We are fully capable and have the strength within to meet the hard stuff head on and to tame it if necessary. It is the fear of the unknown in sync with the weakness within that works hand-in-hand to stop us in our tracks, makes us tremble where we stand as we whisper, I can’t. You and I have had our baptism by fire in one form or another, of this I am sure. The hard thing is just one more obstacle to overcome, nothing more, nothing less. We tend to make it more than what it is. Life is a never-ending circle of challenges in the form of “hard things” to overcome. It is mixed in with the good stuff but it is the hard stuff that brings forth the real you. Your strength, your power and most of all your ability to slay it where it stands takes courage, growth and an attitude of never giving up which will put the “hard stuff” in its place. Who knows if shown the door more often than not, it might decide to stay away. We can hope can’t we?
“I see your fear, and it’s big. I also see your courage, and it’s bigger. We can do hard things.” Glennon Doyle
I would say the same things I mentioned in yesterday’s “Daily Prompt,” plus I’ll add a few more. Besides walking, working out and meditation, I put my feelings down on paper or write articles on how I am feeling and what I have done or am doing to combat those feelings.
Writing is a tremendous tool, if you can call it that, to bring out what I am holding inside into the open so that it no longer weighs me down. Getting it out there has also helped me to get a better focus on the problem and to come up with better ways of handling whatever is bothering me. Somehow seeing it for what it is, just a ripple even if at times it seems like a big rock, helps me to deal with the situation in a more focused way. Writing is often my go to method for solving negative feelings and it has been working so far.
The other method I turn to is breathing. Whenever I feel like I am drowning in negativity, it happens from time to time but when I sit myself down and go within and start one of my breathing techniques, it melts away. This doesn’t always work but more often than not. There’s something about taking a deep breath, holding it in for a few seconds and slowly letting go with a sigh that releases the anxiety and nervousness within. It is a stress buster and just a few minutes a day does wonders for my inner being, my psyche and for letting negative feelings go where they belong, wherever that is. Peace is what I seek and it is what I find when I do “deep breathing” several times a day.
Daily writing prompt
What strategies do you use to cope with negative feelings?
We’ve met them, had to deal with them and been in relationships with them. I’m talking about toxic people. We’ve suffered the consequences but still carried on hoping that change would come. It never does. The outcome is always the same. It is often accompanied by pain and confusion. I’ve come to the conclusion that there is little you can do to change a ‘toxic’ person but you can protect yourself.
In order to deal with a toxic person you need to know their modus operandi or rather how they operate in their world. According to The Mind Journal, there are six types of toxic people.
THE NARCISSIST
Only cares about themselves
Lacks empathy
Truly believes they are better than everyone around them.
THE CONTROLLER
Tries to control everything around them.
Needs to be in charge of every decision.
Makes you feel like you can’t do anything right.
THE DRAMA MAGNET
Feeds off of gossip and drama
Drama seems to ‘follow them’ (they create it).
Puts you in uncomfortable positions.
THE ENERGY VAMPIRE
Drains you of energy, overwhelms you.
Creates problems and feeds on the negativity.
Criticizes and bullies you.
THE COMPULSIVE LIAR
Tells white lies constantly.
Manipulates and gaslights you.
Master of guilt trips.
THE GREEN EYED
Cannot be happy for other people’s good fortune.
Plays the victim
Minimizes other people to feel better about themselves.
These people often bring conflict, negativity and confusion not to mention pain into your life. Dealing with them is like walking on a minefield not suspecting anything would go wrong but eventually it does because they are wired a certain way. They are manipulative, oftentimes abusive and they will find ways to justify their behavior. Remorse never crosses their mind and taking accountability for their actions is a never never thing. They usually take without giving back.
“Just remember, we are all toxic. Every single human being is capable of being toxic, has been, currently is at times.
But some people have the desire to be educated on it and do better while others will ignore any accountability and continue to act the same way.”
Pay Attention
It is not clear why we keep doing circles around toxic people? Perhaps it has something to do with stupidity and the definition of stupid goes like this.
“Knowing the truth, seeing the truth, but still believing the lies.” Unknown
Toxic people for all their flaws can be magnetic. They tend to pull you in and make you want to stay for awhile and if love is involved, it brings a whole new dimension with it.
“Love is 50% stupid and 50% brilliant. The challenge is figuring out which part of it you’re experiencing at any given moment.” Unknown
Once you’ve figured out that you’ve hitched your yoke to a toxic person and don’t know what to do, the following quote might just help.
You don’t ever have to feel guilty about Removing Toxic People From Your Life.
“It doesn’t matter whether someone is a relative, romantic interest, employer, childhood friend, or a new acquaintance, you don’t have to make room for people who cause you pain or make you feel small. It’s one thing if a person owns up to their behavior and makes an effort to change. But if a person disregards your feelings, ignores your boundaries, and “continues” to treat you in a harmful way, they need to go.” Unknown
Painful but short and sweet and perhaps this is the only language that ‘toxic’ people understand. Unfortunately.
There are three activities that I have come to love in my search for peace and serenity. They are walking, workouts and meditation.
These three things have helped to forge a way out of situations I find myself in and they have helped to bring a sense of cohesiveness to my life. It didn’t happen overnight, it took time and a certain mindset to keep at getting better.
Walking is my go to when I need to clear my mind of all negative thoughts and just 2o minutes out in nature helps me to do just that. It is free and all it takes is to get out there and see what remedies “nature” in its all-knowing wisdom has to offer if you are willing to listen that is. It may seem like a mindless activity but it is not.
Working out is a daily companion. I work out seven days a week and I don’t stick to one thing. It gets boring that way. I switch it around. Some days it is cardio, some days weight training, some days Pilates and some days Yoga. Whatever I choose to do, Chachi, the cat, is right there working alongside! More like standing right in front of me and waiting to be picked up and kisses rained down on him! That’s his allure to working out. It works just fine for the both of us.
Meditation, well I can’t live without it. It is a big part of my day and one that helps to center and to bring calm into my life. It also helps the “monkey” I call my brain to take a seat and to be quiet for a while.
These are activities that are part and parcel of my life. Simple things, non-materialistic but I find Nirvana in them and they will continue to be a part of my existence.
“You don’t deserve a half-hearted love. You don’t deserve someone who can only promise you pieces and not the whole. You don’t deserve someone who’s walking around investing time in other some ones. You don’t deserve a person who can’t commit.” Marisa Donnelly
Have you ever fallen for an emotionally-unavailable man? Have you ever wondered why you’re on a roller-coaster ride of ups and downs and you don’t know if you’re coming or going? If you’re caught up in a never-ending cycle of being taken for a ride, it’s time to get off.
An emotionally unavailable man is typically defined as, “not willing or able to truly commit to you and be loyal to you. This type of man will often want to keep things casual and undefined so as to not deal with any of the emotional components that go into a long-term relationship.”
The problem is even though these men are not available, it doesn’t stop them from being out there on the dating scene. They don’t want long-term but pretend that they do. They send out mixed signals and at times it seems like they want “forever” but it is more in their mind than anything else. The message they deliver is a confusing one and just when you think that you’ve found the one, they’ll show you different in a not so nice way. They’re there one minute, ghost you the next or worse still take up with someone else right before your very eyes. This is a relationship where you’re the non-entity and it is all about them.
How do you know if they’re emotionally unavailable? Here are some signs according to Victoria Miretti.
They cannot say they are looking for a long term committed relaitonship.
They don’t court you.
They struggle to have emotional or in depth conversations.
Their words and actions don’t match.
They are inconsistent.
You don’t experience a steady upward progression in the relationship.
I had the unfortunate experience of meeting one such person. He walked in like a hurricane ready to sweep everything away in his path and I was just coming out of a storm. He had all the makings of “the guy.” The relationship if you can call it that took off like a whirlwind but each time we got close, he took 10 steps back. I noticed the hesitation and put it down to fear because I was feeling the same thing. The problem was I was willing to settle for crumbs knowing full well that they were crumbs because I was coming from a place of lack myself. Having just lost a special someone, I was looking for a relationship. It was a perfect meeting of the minds. The only problem, it wasn’t enough and I knew what a good relationship should look like. This one was sorely lacking but I put up with the charade.
“Life is too short for half-hearted connections and meaningless run-throughs.” Unknown
Low-effort men do not invest in you because they can’t. They find it easy to walk away and take up with someone new in a matter of days or more specifically even before the relationship has ended because their emotions don’t run very deep and hurting someone is part and parcel of how they operate. It is a place where nothing affects them because their heart is under lock and key. A no man’s land or rather a no woman’s land as far as they are concerned. So why even be out there? I guess everyone needs love and if you hurt someone along the way what’s the big deal, right? The problem is, it is a big deal to the person who gets hurt in the process.
“Never put them first, if you always come last. Never give your all, if you only get half.” Unknown
If you’ve read my article, “Dating No-Gooders,” you’ll know that they are out there along with all the others that give “dating” a bad name. One false move will get you to where you don’t want to be. If you’re looking for Mr. Right, know that it is a dangerous world out there so step lightly. If he’s unavailable and shows the signs from the get go, leave him alone and move on. Some people cannot love you the way you want to be loved AND you’re too valuable to settle for anything less or for half-hearted connections.
How do you know if he’s emotionally available? According to singleover30.net, here are some signs to look out for.
If a man is present with you when he is with you, that’s a good sign.
This is not always true from my experience. The person I knew was all there when we spent time together and gave me the impression that he wasn’t shying away from anything but he was emotionally unavailable and hence the confusion.
He is comfortable talking about his feelings.
He is willing to talk about the progression of the relationship.
He won’t waste your time with half-hearted promises.
“We explain when someone is cruel or acts like a bully, you do not stoop to their level. Our motto is when they go low, you go high.” Michelle Obama
I loved this quote but it does not always work.
Desmond Tutu said it better.
“If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor.”
Bullying is defined as, “behavior directed toward one or more individuals that is meant to insult, demean, or intimidate.” BetterHelp
We saw bullying of the highest order being played out on the world stage by the current occupant of the White House not too long ago. Bullying is and was his weapon to get what he wants. Playing “king” and telling the world how the game is played is his megaphone and he decided to “Huff, Puff and Blow the House Down!” like the Big Bad Wolf in the fable, “The Three Little Pigs.” The wolf did his damnedest but the third pig gave him a run for the money just like Canada is doing right now. Their motto is, “United We Stand, Divided We Fall,” and it seems to be working. Bullies may roar and act like they have the upper hand but when you stand up to them, they run off and hide. However, there are the diehards whose only goal in life is to bring someone down. There are different types of bullying. “Physical bullying is when bullies hurt their targets physically. Verbal bullying is taunting or teasing someone. Psychological bullying is gossiping about or excluding someone and Cyberbullying is when bullies use the internet and social media and say things they might not say in person.” (kidshealth.org)
I met my bully in elementary school. She was tiny, dirty-looking and her clothes were torn and tattered. I held out my hand with a smile and said “Hello.” The next thing I knew I was on the ground writhing in pain. She stood over me grinning as she stood shaking her fist at me, the same one that had caused such severe pain. She put the fear of the devil in me that day and it would go on for weeks to come.
Playing on the grassy slope became a nightmare situation, waiting for the schoolbus after school was more so and going to the bathroom more than a nightmare. I didn’t understand why she was picking on me only that I was no longer safe. I came up with all kinds of excuses to stay home but that didn’t work. A few weeks later I had enough. It was time to do something! She showed up as usual, a knowing smile plastered on her face but I was prepared this time. Just as she reached out to push me down the slope, I turned the table on her. I pushed as hard as I could and watched as she tumbled down the slope. As she stood up, I noticed blood dribbling down her chin and a front tooth was missing! She looked at me with disbelief but there was something more. The next day she showed up on that slope with new found respect on her face. I apologized and it was the start of an unlikely friendship. Her mom had passed away and she was left on her own most days. She also had to help with household chores and even do the cooking at times. A life so different from mine. I still had my childhood before me but hers was hanging in the balance. We remained friends until I moved away but I still think about her sometimes and wonder if she made it in life. I hope she did.
How do you deal with bullies?
Talk to someone about what is going on.
Ignore the bully and walk away.
Walk tall and hold your head high.
Stop being too nice!
Don’t get physical. This worked for me but not always.
Try to talk to the bully.
Practice confidence and fake it if you have to!
Bullies are everywhere as we saw not so long ago and they could come from the highest office in the land as well. It takes more than guts to stand up to a bully. Sometimes it takes cunning and inner strength to weather the storm as Canada is doing right now. Pick and choose your battle carefully, learn what it takes to stand up for your rights and hold your head up high. Confidence is a “bully” buster in more ways than one!
Site Title 