Give me a crystal bowl and I will tell you! I don’t know is the answer. I hope better than where I am now. Hopefully the journey of self-discovery will be complete and like that caterpillar, I would emerge with wings ready to face the world anew. Hopefully it wouldn’t take ten years to do it!
I am staying in the present for now and leaving yesterday where it belongs but I am taking the lessons I learned with me. The future is blurry and I’m not looking in that direction although it does creep in now and then. My goal is to make each day count. I can’t change yesterday and tomorrow is not a given so all I have is today and I am content knowing that.
Ten years from now? I hope I have the special someone by my side but even if that doesn’t happen, it will be alright. It is not about the search for the guy, it is about finding myself, the one I lost a long time ago. I liked her, this happy carefree person who had a lot to laugh about. Who knows, ten years from now I might say, I’ve found her again. Fingers and toes crossed!
“Spring is the time when the world is filled with magic and everything feels possible.” Unknown
I’m down with a cold and it is not a good thing. I hate being sick so staying in bed and watching mindless “Reality TV” is not my thing either and neither is downing hot soup spiked with chili! A small trick my mom taught me as a young girl and mom had magic in her fingertips! She would fix me a hot steaming bowl of chicken noodle soup with loads of chili in it, then she would wrap me in a blanket and leave me to dehydrate! Hours later, I would be up and about feeling much better. I’ve got news for you mom, it’s not working now!
Anyway, I’m taking the less drastic route. Just some tea, lots of fruit and giving my system lots of time to recuperate. Is it working? Let’s wait and see. Coming back to the topic at hand, it is spring and it is blooming flowers! The sun is shining and I’m sitting out back with a cup of coffee and taking it all in. It is a time when “the earth laughs in flowers.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
I don’t have a huge garden, it is big enough to grow stuff in and small enough to keep things in order. I can see it needs work. Winter has left its mark and the dried leaves and twigs need to be swept up and room needs to be made for the “new” to creep in. The tulips are in bloom and their beautiful colorful heads are swaying in the light breeze. The medium-sized tree is full of wonderful white blossoms but for the life of me, I can’t recall what it is called. I know that if you sit out back when early evening rolls around, the scent is mesmerizing. The huge Magnolia tree is in full bloom and its pink and white flowers are a sight to behold. The lone apple tree is greening and there are lots of pink and white buds on it. Perhaps, a bumper crop this year? Don’t hold your breath! This particular tree has a mind of its own. Last year, it teased with lots of flowers but the output was next to nothing. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that it will do better this year. However, the thing that blew my mind this morning is the cherry tree. I’ve been keeping it trimmed so that it doesn’t get too out of control but it is taking it in stride. The tree is covered in white blossoms! More cherries than last year? Last year, I got two. They were firm and sweet but I’m hoping for more this year.
There is definitely magic in the air. The sky is a glorious blue, the sun is warming and the “flowering” tells me all things are possible where nature is concerned. What about from the human side? Unfortunately, that needs a little more work but “magic” is contagious so I’m hoping it is catching! Time for another cup of tea before I crawl back into bed!
“Your mind is a garden, your thoughts are the seeds, you can grow flowers……or weeds.” Unknown
First on the list is Chachi, the cat. I can’t do without him and he is my buddy, a close confidante and a joy maker. Just seeing him walk into the room with that John Wayne walk puts a smile on my face. Spending time with him brings happiness as well.
Writing is next on the list. Right now, I am drawing blanks but that happens and it is a momentary lapse. Soon my head will be raging with ideas and I will be ready to get it out and I will. I think my brain is saying enough already! It’s time for a break. I LOVE writing and it is a joyful thing to do.
Walking is naturally on my list. Not a day goes by without a walk in nature but I missed it today. I seem to have caught a cold so it was plenty of rest, liquids and TV time! It’s okay to have downtime now and then.
Meditation brings benefits I never thought was possible. I have a mind that jumps around and doesn’t sit still so meditation has been a good way to reel it in and to make it behave. It is a hard ask but it (my brain) is learning to toe the line or perhaps just pretending to do so! Meditation not only brings joy into my life but it is my safety net when I need peace and quiet.
Workouts are good for the mind, body and soul. I’ve always worked out so why stop now? However, I need to remember that I’m no longer a spring chicken but sometimes I forget and my body reminds me later. It’s all fine and good because I take it in stride although I’ve backed off from kickboxing but all the others are par for the course.
These are my methods for achieving happiness and believe it or not, it works. What about cheesecake? Okay, just a slice puts a smile on my face but it has been a game of tug of war since I started down that road, the cheesecake fetish path I mean, so I’m going to leave it out for now but I hear it CALLING!
Daily writing prompt
What are 5 everyday things that bring you happiness?
“It’s you versus you. Meaning you’re the only thing standing in your way.” Amber Tamblyn
The battle lines are often drawn when it comes to facing life’s adversities, difficulties and the unknown. How often do you say, “This is too hard to handle or I can’t do this!” Life’s uncertainties are often met with I am unworthy, I am too small, I am insignificant, I am not pretty enough, I am not capable, I am not enough and so on. We come up with so many excuses as to why we can’t achieve something or why it is impossible but if truth be told, we make mountains out of molehills. I often point my fingers at everything but myself. I become small and that problem, whatever it is, changes shape and becomes a mountain. It doesn’t matter that the mountain is of my own making, it’s there and it seems insurmountable.
What if we take a step back and view it from a different angle? Is it still insurmountable? How about if we changed our mindset to one of “I can” instead of “I can’t?” I know some problems are huge and they remain huge no matter which way you look at it but there are others that become that way because the “you” the negative “you” sees it that way and so it looms larger than life and once that negative mindset takes hold, it is all downhill from there. I’ve started looking at problems as just that. They are problems yes but I’ve decided to downsize them. I give them a cursory glance at first then I break it down into pieces and tackle it that way. Gone are the days of heart-thumping and end-of-the-world theatrics. No, it hasn’t made the problem any less of a problem but breaking it down does make it more manageable. Perhaps we need to remember it is not you vs. you but YOU working with you to come up with a solution, one that is workable.
It has been said you are your own worst enemy but what if you become your own best friend? Wouldn’t life be so much easier not to mention simpler? Here are some tips on how to do exactly that from the mindful.org.
When you look at the mirror, appreciate the unique person staring back at you – there’s never been another you!
When you talk to yourself, be friendly! Be understanding! NEVER BE MEAN!
When you need lovin’, give yourself a self-hug. Don’t knock it ’till you try it!
Don’t be shy to use your name and tell yourself that you love you.
Make a date with yourself to do something kind and caring.
Make yourself laugh.
Take time for contemplative practices that help you stay tuned in to your body, mind and emotions so that you might always be able to access your inner wisdom.
Idowu Koyenikan had this to say about problems.
“Mountains are only a problem when they are bigger than you. You should develop yourself so much that you become bigger than the mountains you face.”
If all else fails, you can give the “you” that is causing you problems a boot out the door! That should do it. Easier said than done I know and finally, YOU AREENOUGH AS YOU ARE so don’t underestimate yourself.
She is an American author and queer activist and her podcast “We Can Do Hard Things” won two webby awards. She is empowering, inspirational and her quotes speak to and touch the heart. It has been said that when Glennon Doyle speaks, women listen and I’m one of those women.
“When a women finally learns that pleasing the world is impossible, she becomes free to learn how to please herself.”
Exactly where I’m at now.
“I looked hard at my faith, my friendships, my work, my sexuality, my entire life and asked, “How much of this was my idea? Who was I before I became who the world told me to be?”
I’ve asked myself the self-same question and the answer is, I was free as a bird!
“This life is mine alone. So I have stopped asking people for directions to places they’ve never been. There is no map, we are all pioneers.”
“I do not adjust myself to please the world. I am myself wherever I am, and I let the world adjust.”
I know this journey well. I am in the midst of it.
“I have met my self and I am going to care for her fiercely.”
Doing exactly that and I am seeing the benefits.
“We think our job as humans is to avoid pain, our job as parents is to protect our children from pain, and our job as friends is to fix each other’s pain. Maybe that’s why we all feel like failures so often – because we all have the wrong job description for love.”
This one made me stop in my tracks and to take a good hard look at what I’m doing.
“What I want to be, girls, is beautiful. Beautiful means ‘full of beauty.’ Beautiful is not about how you look on the outside. Beautiful is about what you’re made of. Beautiful people spend time discovering what their idea of beauty on this earth is. They know themselves well enough to know what they love, and they love themselves enough to fill up with a little of their particular kind of beauty each day.”
Beautifully said. What’s inside makes you shine on the outside and it can beat physical beauty hands down.
“Reading is my inhale and writing is my exhale.”
I haven’t done much inhaling lately but boy am I exhaling!
What did I learn in high school? I remember it was hectic, I was learning to adjust again and I was learning to take responsibility for my actions. I also learned that if I applied myself diligently I would get good grades and if I didn’t, well, I would have trouble at home!
Besides that, I met the ‘devil’ in the form of my Math teacher! I was teacher’s pet as far as the English teacher was concerned but the Math teacher was something else. He taught me how to hate Math with my whole being! He would say to me, “Tia, if only you were as good in Math as you are in English but you are not!” So I decided to get better. I would copy the answers from this good-looking boy in my class. The problem was I would have the workings all wrong but I had correct answers! Proud of myself, I would hand it in only to have this guy call me to the front of the class telling me to explain how I came up with the answers. He made Math class a living nightmare! Dad wasn’t any better. He was a Math whizz so he couldn’t understand why I was so dumb! The both of them together added to my disdain of Math and all things that had to do with that horrible subject.
I realize I could have been a whizz too if only they had gone about it a different way. So I learned to hate Math in high school. Not a big loss because I found out later that I had it in me, and I could do the basics pretty well but anything complicated and my brain shuts down! Numbers are not words and that is another problem right there!
I’ve talked about my journey many times before. It is a journey designed to get me somewhere. Where do I want to go? I want to get to the top of that mountain. I want to say that I made it there leaving all the things that did not serve me behind and I want to feel the freedom of knowing that the “journey” was worthwhile and I can finally breathe again.
“Over time, I have come to believe that “brave” does not mean what we think it does. It does not mean “being afraid” and doing it anyway. Nope. Brave means listening to the still small voice inside and doing as it says. Regardless of what the rest of the world is saying.” Glennon Doyle
I still have a long ways to go but then again easy doesn’t cut it. It takes soul-searching, giving up what holds me back, knowing what I want and the courage to move forward not knowing what that path forward holds. The unknown is always scary but what if there is a “better” than where I am now? A better life, a better existence and perhaps even a better love. I am looking for that needle in the haystack but he is well-hidden and if he is there staring me in the face, I don’t see him yet.
Recently, I shared with a friend that I’m on the verge of giving up as far as that special someone is concerned. I told him I am tired of making treks in the wrong direction and that perhaps love is not in the cards for me. Perhaps, I should just say enough already and give up altogether.
He listened quietly as I vented and then said, “In German there is a saying, you find happiness when you least expect it.” It was profound, perhaps even holding a modicum of truth and coming from a guy wearing a bandana, it made me sit up and take notice. Not that I have anything against bandana-wearing men, I just didn’t expect this kind of deep thinking from him. He’s the rugged outdoorsy type but obviously has a soft core which he keeps well-hidden not visible to the naked eye. That said, nope he is not my guy. Anyway, the light went back on. I realized that I had met my ex when I wasn’t looking. It was my first night out after a long while of mourning over a break up and there he was. Our paths crossed and unknown to us both, the wheels had been set in motion and there was no stopping the path we were on. Perhaps, the inevitable happens when you least expect it and when the time is right.
If that is true, could we make it just a tad easier please? And if it does happen let’s make it forever this time around.
“Breathe through it and release anything that does not serve you.” Unknown
I’m no stranger to breathing. I do all kinds of different breathing techniques, I don’t believe in leaving it to chance so why not try everything there is to try and I might just hit the right one, the breathing technique that is, at some point in time. I’m also hoping that my intuition will take over and point me in the right direction but then fear, my best friend, comes in and blows it all to pieces. This journey has not been easy and making the wrong move from time to time always brings me back to square one. The message is clear, move slowly, one foot in front of the other. Patience is a virtue but not in my case. I’m like a petulant child who stomps her feet and demands that she gets it NOW! Life is not putting up with my temper tantrums so here I am again wondering where I went wrong this last time? I have to learn to bide my time, move with caution for the way forward is not easy to navigate and one false move and I am back to where I started from and I don’t want that.
“I was lucky enough to have been to rock bottom before, right? So I know for a fact, that rock bottom is always the beginning of the newness. It hurts and its painful, and then there’s the waiting……where you don’t know what the hell is going on and you don’t think any of it is going to make sense and then,
THERE’S THE RISING.”
I am waiting to exhale. I am waiting for “the rising” when all is made new again and I am given another chance at life, at love, at living and finally breathing freely again. I am looking forward to saying, “It was tough but I made it!”
I wasn’t in a good mood yesterday so I went looking for something to lighten the mood and came up with these. It sure did the job so thought I’d share.
Wife: “How would you describe me?”
Husband: “ABCDEFGHIJK”
Wife: “What does that mean?”
Husband: “Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot.”
A lady comes home from her doctor’s appointment grinning from ear to ear. Her husband asks, “Why are you so happy?” She says, “The doctor told me that for a forty-five-year-old woman I have the breasts of an eighteen year old.”
“Oh yeah?” quipped her husband. “What did he say about your forty-five-year- old a**?
Wife: “Your name never came up in the conversation.”
That’ll teach him to be quiet the next time around.
Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn’t wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn’t wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said “Happy Birthday boss!” I felt so special. She asked me out to lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, “Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?”
“Okay,” I said.
She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, and my colleagues all yelling, “SURPRISE!!!” while I was waiting on the sofa…..naked.
Obviously she wasn’t that kind of secretary but he obviously was that kind of boss!
If there is one positive change I have made in my life then it is that I don’t let outside events control how I react to things. It used to be that if something didn’t go my way or if something turned out bad or if a relationship didn’t work out for whatever the reason, I would play it around in my head until it became a monster problem and it was able to wreck my days for weeks on end.
Those days are over with. These days I look at the problem and come with workable solutions. It may take days before I get a handle on it but I don’t let it, whatever it is, get the better of me. I am at a point where I am getting clarity as to what I want and what doesn’t work for me. I am also taking the attitude that if something doesn’t work, it is alright. There will be other opportunities to make it better and this attitude is working in my favor. Gone are the days of taking everything and shredding it to pieces and looking for the answers within that scope. My thinking has evolved and I am much stronger but I also realize that things will always happen, it is life, but I don’t have to take it for a ride each time it happens. I am calmer, more at peace and there is a sense of achievement there.
Daily writing prompt
Describe one positive change you have made in your life.
It’s not enough that he has tanked the economy and blown up the WTO system of global growth and stability. The man who loves jumping at anything he sees as a money making scheme is off and running to another debacle, one which is more to his liking.
Rumor has it that he wants a military parade for his birthday. Nothing new here, he has been hinting at it ever since he attended one in Paris for Bastille Day in 2017. If it takes place at all, it would fall on his birthday which is Saturday, June 14 and coincidentally it just so happens to be the 250th anniversary of the U.S. Army. It is rumored that the Trump administration is “reportedly looking to add a parade that would stretch nearly four miles, from the Pentagon in Arlington, Virginia, across the Potomac River, into D.C. How about Hegseth leading the charge, bare-chested and flaunting his tattoos and wearing the Amerian flag? Patriotic enough? Let’s not forget Musk doing the Nazi salute and Trump grinning from ear to ear.
The cost of such a parade would be phenomenal but didn’t he say they’ve got 2 billion coming in each day from tariffs alone? Should be enough to cover the cost don’t you think?
Global economies are hanging in the balance and a full-blown Trade War is looming and hissing at the fringes so what’s missing? Let’s add a military parade to the mix why don’t we? One that proclaims America’s might as a superpower with a message that says, “Don’t fool with us!” Remind you of anything?
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