I would say a lot of things. I look for laughter everyday and it is an effort that I take seriously. It has been said, “laughter is the best medicine,” and I totally agree. A day without laughter in my world is like a day without sunshine. It is tinged with grey and something seems to be sorely lacking.
Seeking laughter is in my daily to-do list. Stand-up comedy is a good source. I love Max Amini and his brand of comedy. He always has me laughing and if that gets boring, I watch comedies which definitely does the trick and puts a sunshiny spin on my mood. Then there is the abundant supply of jokes out there that tickles my funny bone and I have posted some of them here. Not always funny to some but it is to me and that matters.
My most important laughter maker and stress buster is Chachi, the cat, aka Little Einstein. Not a day goes by without laughter from that angle. He doesn’t even have to do anything, just standing there with his front paws crossed has me breaking out in laughter. There is just something about the little guy that brings smiles and laughter in my direction. Perhaps it is called love, the unconditional kind. Whatever it is, I have found my perpetual source of laughter and it is of the happiness kind. He instigates it sometimes unknowingly but it does the trick and most days I wear a smile on my face having indulged in rip-roaring laughter. Laughter is there to be harvested if you just pay attention and decide to give it a chance. Try it, it is a beautiful thing and it gives stress a boot out the door!
Most of us cringe at the thought of doing the hard things. Be it a break-up, walking away, losing a job or letting go of things that no longer serve us, it is an exceptionally hard thing to do. It is not something we look forward to because it means taking the bull by the horns and waging war on what seems to be an impossible task at first. Given time, patience, perseverance and a hard-headed look at what needs to be done to get to the other side, we find it is doable but not easy.
Easy is not what life is about. If anything, easy is not in its vocabulary. It seems at times that “living” is about going through the hard stuff. Sometimes one and sometimes a string of unsolvable and often times impossible situations but you and I know that it is those hard times and how you deal with it that brings out the strength in us. Sure, it would be easier if we didn’t have to deal with them but when has that stopped life from throwing the hard stuff our way?
Where would we be without them? Probably having a great time without having to walk through the minefield of the hard stuff all equipped and designed to bring you down to your knees if you make a false move. There is no right or wrong way of going about it, it is trial and error and an undying resilience to take what is handed to you and to make it work for you. We’ve all made those false moves where we’ve crashed and burned and just when you think there is nothing left to do except to pick up the pieces and make the most of it, there is light at the end of the dark tunnel. There is that open door that beckons because as you know when one door closes another one opens but it is human nature or at least it is mine to look past it and back at the one that has closed and is no longer available.
“Hard things are hard because there are no easy answers or recipes. They are hard because your emotions are at odds with your logic. They are hard because you don’t know the answer and you cannot ask for help without showing weakness.” Ben Horowitz
The hard stuff has kept me captive for longer than I want to admit. Truth is, I don’t do “HARD” well. Holding on is my nemesis, letting go of things that no longer serve me is harder still and moving on, well that is an impossible task at times. I hold on hoping that changes will come my way but it never does. Things happen for a reason, people are the way they are because they are wired that way and looking and hoping is not going to change things. However, whatever life throws your way, there is a lesson in there somewhere but it is hard to see when it first hits you. I think we fail miserably at times because we walk in circles, bang our heads on that closed door and refuse to move on until we are drained of energy and there is nothing else to do but to walk through that open door. Human nature at its best? I think so.
We are fully capable and have the strength within to meet the hard stuff head on and to tame it if necessary. It is the fear of the unknown in sync with the weakness within that works hand-in-hand to stop us in our tracks, makes us tremble where we stand as we whisper, I can’t. You and I have had our baptism by fire in one form or another, of this I am sure. The hard thing is just one more obstacle to overcome, nothing more, nothing less. We tend to make it more than what it is. Life is a never-ending circle of challenges in the form of “hard things” to overcome. It is mixed in with the good stuff but it is the hard stuff that brings forth the real you. Your strength, your power and most of all your ability to slay it where it stands takes courage, growth and an attitude of never giving up which will put the “hard stuff” in its place. Who knows if shown the door more often than not, it might decide to stay away. We can hope can’t we?
“I see your fear, and it’s big. I also see your courage, and it’s bigger. We can do hard things.” Glennon Doyle
Staying calm and focused when your mind tells you otherwise is normal. It is human nature. My mind goes haywire and jumps around like a monkey when I’m stressed or I have to concentrate on what is before me and what needs to get done. Oftentimes I need to take a step back, go within myself to find the strength in silence and to focus on what I need to do to move on. It doesn’t always work but it does work if I stay focused.
“The ability to remain calm and focused on what truly matters is a superpower.” Unknown
Be like the tree that has weathered many storms and is still standing. It takes practice and a certain kind of mindset to weather a storm, any storm. If you’ve never worked a day in your life and the time has come to find a job, to get independent and to stand on your own two feet, you tend to lose focus because the unknown is formidable. However, with each fall you take, you gain the strength and the know how to get back up and to keep moving. Time, focus, calm and lots of practice makes it possible and soon you will be standing like that tree, strong and unshakeable in any storm. Breathe and keep moving. Standing still is never the answer.
“Breathe darling. This is just a chapter. It’s not your whole story.” S. C. Lourie
Stay focused but not on the wrong things. I can’t do this is not one of them. This is way too scary is not one of them. The ‘monster’ is too hard to slay is not one of them. Focus on finding the positive within the negative. Be prepared to put one foot in front of the other but whatever you do, do not take the easy way out or rather the coward’s way out and give up. It is easy to give up but much harder to step into an unknown arena and to win the day. YOU CAN DO THIS!
“Sometimes you need to slow down, remain calm, and simply let life happen. Take a deep breathe and focus on the simple important things: you are alive, you are breathing, you are enough as you are. You got this.” Unknown
Finally, tell the monkey in your brain that keeps dragging you all over the place with no end in sight to take a hike! Breathe, calm yourself down and stay focused on what you need to do to make it. YOU’VE GOT THIS!
“Find company within yourself and you’ll never spend a day alone. Find love within yourself and you’ll never have a lonely day.” Connor Chalfant
Loneliness is defined as sadness because one has no friends or company. However, it is actually a state of mind. People who are lonely have trouble connecting with others because even though they want and crave human contact, their state of mind makes it hard for them to see beyond what they are feeling. At this stage, they often see themselves as unworthy of friendship, they often feel rejected and more often than not, they voluntarily remove themselves from what is causing them hurt and that is the outside world and so the vicious cycle begins and takes hold.
Low self-esteem, lack of confidence and being an introvert can all lead to isolation and loneliness. The effects are far-reaching and at times scary. It can lead to antisocial behavior, feelings of not fitting in and worst case scenario, it can also lead to depression and suicide.
Almost everyone experiences loneliness at some time or rather and it gets worse during holidays, birthdays and other significant days. Someone close to me is dealing with symptoms of loneliness and any suggestions of help is falling on deaf ears. He is hell-bent on holding onto his new best friend “loneliness.” I think we are our own worst enemy and when we fall, we fall deep. We go into the trenches and it is hard to crawl back out. We tell ourselves we are not good enough as we are, opinions matter and we see ourselves as not worthy of interacting with what is out there. At times the outside world can be cruel and for someone who is struggling it can be more than daunting. What to do short of meeting with a therapist? Perhaps these few tips might help.
Join a group, exercise class or book club. There are many other options.
Do things you enjoy.
Go for a walk.
Share your feelings.
Practice self-care. Start exercising, eat nutritious foods and get enough sleep.
Love yourself warts and all.
Most of all stay busy.
If none of the above helps, here are some quotes to see life from the brighter side.
“A season of loneliness and isolation is when the caterpillar gets its wings. Remember that next time you feel alone.” Mandy Hale
“It’s impossible to be lonely when you’re zesting an orange. Scrape the soft rind once and the whole room fills with fruit. Look around: you have more than enough. Always have. You just didn’t notice until now.” Mary Oliver
I love this one.
If you are feeling lonely know that you’ll always have:
“Books to nurture your mind. Hands to create and explore. Wind to calm your soul. Breathes to soothe your nerves. Nature to soak your worries away. Stars to decorate your dreams.” Emma Xie
Ever laid awake all night and wondered why sleep is evading you? If you have, you’re not alone. Say hello to your comrade-in-arms. It started several months ago. Out of the blue, my sleepless nights appeared wearing bells and grinning from ear to ear and since then I go to bed with good intentions but alas, “sleep” is nowhere to be found.
After months of feeling like a walking zombie, I started looking for natural remedies to my sleep problems. I tried yoga and did everything that was asked of me short of turning myself into a pretzel and although yoga helped to keep me pliable like warm taffy, it didn’t help me as far as sleep was concerned. Next on my list was a warm cup of milk. Sprinkle some turmeric, stir it around to turn it into a golden delicious liquid and you’re good to go. Lo and behold, a miracle happened the first time I tried this magic potion. Half an hour later, I was sleeping like a baby and woke up feeling refreshed like a new-born with nowhere to go. However, this solution was a one-trick pony. The following night, this miracle sleep elixir had lost its shine and I was back to square one, looking pretty in my floral pyjamas but I couldn’t lure “sleep” into my bed.
A week later, a friend told me about guided sleep meditation videos on YouTube. Ah yes, YouTube, the guru on all things wrong with this world. I decided to give it a try. I spruced myself up for sleep with YouTube splashed across my TV screen. Let me tell you, the choices are plenty. There are videos lasting just 15 minutes and guaranteed to put you to sleep but alas they hadn’t reckoned on me. I am a tough cookie. There are also videos that go on for about 1 1/2 hours but by the time I made it to 1/2 an hour, I threw off my blanket in irritation and switched it off. I was wide-awake and sleep was nowhere to be found.
Finally, I read somewhere that deep breathing helps. I decided to give this one a go. What did I have to lose except that bug-eyed look from too little sleep. I approached it cautiously. I tried taking 5 deep breaths, each one slowly in through the nose and then out through the mouth. The trick is to take your time breathing in and out. After the fifth one, I felt myself relaxing. Oops, something was definitely happening. Next, I had to take five more breaths, this time breathe in through the nose, hold for five counts and release through the mouth. After the third breath, hold and release, I could see my Prince of Sleep approaching slowly. That night I slept like a well-fed baby. I tried again the next night and again it sent me off to La La Land in no time at all. Truthfully though, I have to add that it doesn’t work every night and some nights, it takes a little longer for sleep to appear but this method does work. I followed this up with the dead man’s pose. Taken from yoga, this has a propensity to totally relax you. Here’s how it works. Lay on your back on the floor or your bed, fully stretched out. Let yourself go, first relaxing your feet, then your ankles and so on until you reach your head. Work to let go of thoughts that enter your mind and reel it back in to your breathing. Easier said then done but with practice, this is a sure fire way to catch some zzz’s. So if you are like me, sleepless in bed or wherever you’re at, give these two methods a go.
Sleep deprivation or rather not sleeping enough is a big problem. It affects your health significantly. Sleep disorders have been linked to other factors such as stress, relationship problems, medical health conditions just to mention a few. What I do know is that if not treated, this condition can cause memory problems, can affect job performance and cause problems in your relationship. Some of the solutions I have stated above did not work for me but it might for you. All I can say is give it a try, who knows it may just be the right remedy for you.
“Good night, sleep tight and don’t let the bedbugs bite.”
Most of us cringe at the thought of doing the hard things. Be it a break-up, walking away, losing a job and letting go of things that no longer serve us, it is an exceptionally hard thing to do. It is not something we look forward to because it means taking the bull by the horns and waging war on what seems to be an impossible task at first. Given time, patience, perseverance and a hard-headed look at what needs to be done to get to the other side, we find it is doable but not easy.
Easy is not what life is about. If anything, easy is not in its vocabulary. It seems at times that “living” is about going through the hard stuff. Sometimes one and sometimes a string of unsolvable and often times impossible situations but you and I know that it is those hard times and how you deal with it that brings out the strength in you. Sure, it would be easier if we didn’t have to deal with them but when has that stopped life from throwing it our way?
Where would we be without them? Probably having a great time without having to walk through the minefield of the hard stuff all equipped and designed to bring you down to your knees if you make a false move. There is no right or wrong way of going about it, it is trial and error and an undying resilience to take what is handed to you and to make it work for you. We’ve all made those false moves where we’ve crashed and burned and just when you think there is nothing left to do except to pick up the pieces and make the most of it, there is light at the end of the dark tunnel. There is that open door that beckons because as you know when one door closes, another one opens but it is human nature or at least it is mine to look past it and back at the one that has closed and is no longer available.
“Hard things are hard because there are no easy answers or recipes. They are hard because your emotions are at odds with your logic. They are hard because you don’t know the answer and you cannot ask for help without showing weakness.” Ben Horowitz
The hard stuff has kept me captive for longer than I want to admit. Truth is, I don’t do “HARD” well. Holding on is my nemesis, letting go of things that no longer serve me is harder still and moving on, well that is an impossible task at times. I hold on hoping that changes will come my way but it never does. Things happen for a reason, people are the way they are because they are wired that way and looking and hoping is not going to change things. However, whatever life throws your way, there is a lesson in there somewhere but it is hard to see when it first hits you. I think we fail miserably at times because we walk in circles, bang our heads on that closed door and refuse to move on until we are drained of energy and there is nothing else to do but to walk through that open door. Human nature at its best? I think so.
We are fully capable and have the strength within to meet the hard stuff head on and to tame it if necessary. It is the fear of the unknown in sync with the weakness within that works hand-in-hand to stop us in our tracks, makes us tremble where we stand as we whisper, I can’t. You and I have had our baptism by fire in one form or another, of this I am sure. The hard thing is just one more obstacle to overcome, nothing more, nothing less. We tend to make it more than what it is. Life is a never-ending circle of challenges in the form of “hard things” to overcome. It is mixed in with the good stuff but it is the hard stuff that brings forth the real you. Your strength, your power and most of all your ability to slay it where it stands takes courage, growth and an attitude of never giving up which will put the “hard stuff” in its place. Who knows if shown the door more often than not, it might decide to stay away. We can hope can’t we?
“I see your fear, and it’s big. I also see your courage, and it’s bigger. We can do hard things.” Glennon Doyle
It’s Sunday, a day for rest and relaxation or at least it’s supposed to be. I wanted to sleep in but Chachi, the cat, had other plans. In a cat’s world there is no such thing as a Sunday I suppose so it was time to get up and get going! Where to? Nowhere special, he wanted to go downstairs to his window seat to watch his world come alive and so I must follow whether I want to or not! He’s got me trained and I thought I was doing such a great job raising him.
The weather is drizzly, cold and damp. Nothing to brag about and no walking out in the fields either. I need to keep the “monkey” which I call my brain in check so here I am back to writing to get my mind to settle down.
We never give it much thought but breathing is a powerhouse. It does so much to keep us in check, to help us relax and to see things with a clearer vision. My plan for today is to keep breathing, not the in and out variety which we do unthinkingly but the kind that helps me to relax. I am going to try some deep breathing combined with meditation to see where it takes me. Here are some quotes on breathing to bring the focus back to where you need to be if life has you scrambling to survive whatever it is that has got you that way.
“Deep breaths are like little love notes to yourself.” Unknown
“You will get there when you are meant to get there and not one moment sooner….so relax, breathe, and be patient.” Mandy Hale
“You don’t always need a plan. Sometimes you just need to breathe, trust, let go and see what happens.” Mandy Hale
“Stay positive, even when it feels like your whole world is falling apart.” Unknown
Breathe in deeply to bring your mind home to your body.” Thich Nhat Hanh
I like this one because it speaks directly to my state of mind. Sometimes my mind and body are out of sync and I have to bring my mind back to where my body is. Not always easy but breathing takes me there but not for long!
BREATHE
“You’re going to be okay. Breathe and remember that you’ve been in this place before. You’ve been this uncomfortable and anxious and scared, and you’ve survived. Breathe and know that you can survive this too.” Unknown”
Breathe darling
“This is just a chapter. It’s not your whole story.” S. C. Lourie
It’s okay if you’re feeling lazy and the only thing you want to do today is to breathe. It’s Sunday, it’s time to relax and to gather strength for the week ahead. Breathe and let go, you’ll be just fine.
And Remember:
“No matter what happens, you can handle it, and you will be okay.” Lori Deschene
“I’m not really a control freak but…..can I show you the right way to do that?” Unknown
In the Wizard of Oz, Dorothy gets on the Yellow Brick Road which will take her through Oz to the Emerald City where she hopes to meet the great and powerful Wizard. In the dating world, it could be the path to your one true love but alas it could also lead you to the big bad wolf, the one who will huff and puff and try to blow your house down!
Someone with a control freak personality is defined as “a person who tries to make others do things the way that they want, even if the other people prefer to do it another way, and even if the initial person has no good reason for interfering. More specifically, “a person who feels an obsessive need to put excessive control over themselves and others and to take command of any situation.”
Some reasons for this kind of behavior according to verywellhealth.com is that it provides the individual with “a sense of predictability, stability, and order.”
I wonder if we are giving too many “outs” to these individuals by trying to justify why they are this or that way? Perhaps the only explanation for this personality disorder is that these individuals have a nasty streak within them and “control” as they see it is just part and parcel of their daily existence. It’s my way or the highway and they’ve learned to get away with their obnoxious behavior.
What are the signs of controlling behaviour? According to Webmd.com, these individuals have the following behavior traits.
They insist on having things their way even when it comes to small issues that come down to personal choice.
They refuse to accept blame. You are to blame as far as they are concerned.
They need to be the center of attention and they love upstaging you. In the limelight is where they want to stand even if they have to stand on their heads to do it!
They’re unpredictable. One minute you’re the greatest thing since sliced bread and the next you are dirt under their feet. If you want to be on an emotional roller coaster then you are with the right person!
They lie because they want to control your reality. If you try to contradict them, then you’re the crazy one.
They want to be in charge of finances. They want to handle all of the money. It’s a way to place controls on you.
They dictate where you go and what you do. Controlling your movements gives them the upper hand in the relationship. They love sitting in the power seat. Threats, intimidation or anger are all used skillfully to get what they want.
Another name for this kind of abusive controlling behavior is “intimate terrorism.”
“If I was meant to be controlled, I would have come with a remote.” Kushandwizdom
Most are hard to spot but if you keep your eyes wide open and your senses tuned, sooner or later you will see through the niceness after one or two dates. If not, you’ll notice the signs as you get to know them. They get upset because you’re smiling too much or because you don’t want to move as quickly as they do or something whatever it is triggered something in them, most times you don’t even know what that is. Suddenly you realize that you are being watched and scrutinized for everything you do. Life with these individuals is like walking through a minefield hoping you don’t accidentally step on one and blow yourself up. It is more than stressful to say the least so if you spot them, DISCARD and move on. Dating is stressful enough as it is but if you find yourself being caged in, WALK AWAY!
“As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I’m totally flexible!” Unknown
“Find company within yourself and you’ll never spend a day alone. Find love within yourself and you’ll never have a lonely day.” Connor Chalfant
Loneliness is defined as sadness because one has no friends or company. However, it is actually a state of mind. People who are lonely have trouble connecting with others because even though they want and crave human contact, their state of mind makes it hard for them to see beyond what they are feeling. At this stage, they often see themselves as unworthy of friendship, they often feel rejected and more often than not, they voluntarily remove themselves from what is causing them hurt and that is the outside world and so the vicious cycle begins and takes hold.
Low self-esteem, lack of confidence and being an introvert can all lead to isolation and loneliness. The effects are far-reaching and at times scary. It can lead to antisocial behavior, feelings of not fitting in and worst case scenario, it can also lead to depression and suicide.
Almost everyone experiences loneliness at some time or rather and it gets worse during holidays, birthdays and other significant days. Someone close to me is dealing with symptoms of loneliness and any suggestions of help is falling on deaf ears. He is hell-bent on holding onto his new best friend “loneliness.” I think we are our own worst enemy and when we fall, we fall deep and hard. We go into the trenches and it is hard to crawl back out. We tell ourselves we are not good enough as we are, opinions matter and we see ourselves as not worthy of interacting with what is out there. At times the outside world can be cruel and for someone who is struggling it can be more than daunting. What to do short of meeting with a therapist? Perhaps these few tips might help.
Be there and show that you care.
Be patient. Irritation is the common response. Show that you’re there to listen.
Join a group, exercise class or book club. There are many other options.
Do things you enjoy.
Go for a walk.
Share your feelings.
Practice self-care. Start exercising, eat nutritious foods and get enough sleep.
Love yourself warts and all.
Most of all stay busy.
If none of the above help, here are some quotes to see life from the brighter side.
“A season of loneliness and isolation is when the caterpillar gets its wings. Remember that next time you feel alone.” Mandy Hale
“It’s impossible to be lonely when you’re zesting an orange. Scrape the soft rind once and the whole room fills with fruit. Look around: you have more than enough. Always have. You just didn’t notice until now.” Mary Oliver
I love this one.
“If you are feeling lonely know that you’ll always have:
Books to nurture your mind. Hands to create and explore. Wind to calm your soul. Breathes to soothe your nerves. Nature to soak your worries away. Stars to decorate your dreams.” Emma Xie
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