life – Page 20 – Site Title

Qualities I Value Most in a Friend?

A good question because I’ve asked myself that same question many times over. I tend to be a stickler for rules so being my friend is hard because those expectations I have of how a friend should be is sometimes a barrier to true friendship. However, I don’t ask for more than I am willing to give.

As I friend, I am loyal, trustworthy, there when you need me and if help is needed I am ready and willing to do whatever is necessary but sometimes that willingness opens up the door to someone taking advantage of you. It has happened and some of those people are no longer in my life.

“Some people will only be there for you as long as you have something they need. When you no longer serve a purpose, they will leave. The good news is, if you tough it out, you’ll eventually weed these people out of your life and be left with some great people you can count on. We rarely lose friends, we just gradually figure out who our real ones are.” Darren John Maxwell

I had posted something the other day. In the article I made reference to something I was dealing with. The phone rang and there he was, someone who was close to me because at one time we were more than friends. Anyway, he asked, “What is going on?”

ME: “How did you know?”

HIM: “I read your post and I know you better than most people.”

So I told him and it was a good talk. I was thankful for the caring he showed and that folks is what friends are about. They show up when you least expect them to. Showing up is one very important aspect of friendship along with all the other things I mentioned.

“Good friends are like stars. You don’t always see them, but you know they’re always there.” Christy Evans

Daily writing prompt

What quality do you value most in a friend?

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Jobs I’ve Had?

I’ve been very conservative about moving from job to job. If I liked a job, I would stay with it and I’ve been lucky enough to say that the jobs I’ve held have kept me there for a long time.

Writing has always been a first love but I didn’t get to concentrate on it fully until at a later stage in my life. Sure, I got articles published at an early age but a job it wasn’t. Just something I dabbled in because I loved writing and getting the word out.

I was in management at the university, both working and studying at the same time. It was tough but it wasn’t really what I wanted to do. However, I bit my lip and held on just long enough until I finished, met my ex and we moved to Europe. Still writing was sporadic to say the least. I published a lot of articles, wrote for magazines and kept my political side alive by writing online articles rubbing shoulders with the best of them. It wasn’t my dream job.

A few years later, I landed the job of Fashion Editor. It wasn’t exactly my cup of tea either. Basically I was involved with the celebrity world, what they wore, what they did and what was going on in their lives. Add the supermodels to it and I was right in the middle of what was happening. Still, I was getting tired of designers and the celebrity BS! After a few years of doing that, I got the opportunity to leave that world behind and to go it alone. Now, I write what I want, when I want and my time is mine alone. It’s a good place to be in and writing, well it is still my first and last love. I will always write and I’m hoping my book will be out later this year. Keeping fingers and toes crossed!

This Friendship Thing (Archives)

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“Sometimes you need someone to be there for you. Not to fix the problem or offer advice or do anything in particular, but simply to be there. To show up. To be present with what you’re feeling. To see what you’re going through. To see you, understand you.” Unknown

Can men and women just be friends? This is the question that popped up, “When Harry Met Sally,” and sent some of us scrambling for answers. The answer as far as I’m concerned is that it is next to impossible in most cases.

I used to be the proverbial tomboy in my younger days and as such I had some wonderful friendships with the boys I hung out with. It was nothing sexual but of the innocent variety. I had my pigtails tucked under my cap and my ensemble of shorts and t-shirt had seen better days but I was for all purposes one of the boys.

It all changed when I turned sixteen. I got asked out on my first date. He was cute and I accepted. It was also the first time that I had worn my long hair down leaving it brushed and shiny and I wore a dress for the very first time! Lo and behold, things changed after that. I was no longer “one of the boys” but someone they wanted to dance with and spend time with. However, this friendship thing was still there. I learned that boys and later men make very good friends. There is none of the bitchiness, envy or jealousy, it was just straightforward, “I’m your friend,” stuff and all that it entails.

Later during my university days “friendship” with young men was still going strong. I had lots of men friends and although some were happy to be just a friend, others wanted more and that became complicated and made things difficult.

Now, I’m finding out that men are not as simple as they seem. There is a thing called, “friends with benefits,” and it is not my thing and never has been. I’m seeking the pure friendship variety like I used to know when life was simple and innocence was front and center. The problem is no matter how hard I try to make it clear right from the start it never fails before it starts heading in an unwanted direction. Not too long ago, I had this conversation with a male friend. We’ve known each other for quite some time and we’ve done walks, lunches and dinners but nothing more. Well, just a hug or a peck on the cheek as friends do. Here’s how the conversation went.

Me: Wouldn’t it be nice to have a Pyjama Party? We can watch some movies and just talk?

Him: I would like some snacks.

Me: Sure, I can get that.

I was thinking this is going great. Just some company with no hassles whatsoever!

Him: I don’t think I can do that!

Me: Why not?

Him: I CAN’T!”

Hmm…does everything have to be sexual? He was honest and that was a good thing but I wanted my good old days back and the reality is, those days have flown the coop!

Let me ask you:

“Can men and women ever just be friends?”

“Friends are those rare people who ask how we are and then wait to hear the answer.” Ed Cunningham

Have an amazing day.

Learn to Care Less

“Life is 10 percent what you experience and 90 percent how you respond to it.” Dorothy M. Neddermeyer

Caring less about things maybe the easiest way to acquire happiness but how many of us do that? How often do we obsess about things we cannot change? More times than I can remember. How often do we let someone trigger something in us and we carry it around for days mulling over every word and detail to the point that nothing else matters but that one little problem but only by this time, it isn’t a small problem anymore but had morphed and become unsolvable! How many times have we let someone bring us down just because something hurtful was said and we take it to heart, handle it like a precious thing and let our self-esteem go to pieces? More times than I can count on my fingers.

Here’s the thing:

“The less you give a damn the happier you will be.” Unknown

Something happened yesterday and I took what was handed to me, went to my corner as I usually do and let it do a number on me! Happiness was nowhere to be seen and my piece of mind was in shambles at my feet. Even then, I refused to let go. I was like a dog with a bone until I stopped and decided to let go of what I was holding within and told myself that there was nothing I could do about the situation. No amount of anger, sadness and wishing, yes wishing was going to change it for the better. I took a deep breath and let it go….

“Stop asking why they keep doing it and start asking why you keep allowing it.” Unknown

That’s the problem isn’t it? We keep allowing things to happen and to hold us in its grasp. If only we could take away the power from the problem at hand and learn to look at it with detachment versus with both feet smack dap in the middle! Learning to care less takes practice especially if you’re the type who cares too much about anything and everything.

LET IT GO……and learn to relax. Problems do have a way of righting themselves out and sometimes with very little help from you. Give it some time, give it some space but most of all, don’t hug it close to your heart. Learn to care less and you’ll be less stressed at and with life. This doesn’t mean being a less caring person it just means picking your battles carefully and when you do, be prepared to look at them with less emotion. Step back and go to work but not with guns blazing! I have to remind myself of this too.

ONE DAY IT JUST CLICKS

“You realize what’s important and what isn’t. You learn to care less about what others think of you and more about what you think of yourself. You realize how far you’ve come and you remember when you thought things were such a mess that you would never recover and you smile. You smile because you are truly proud of yourself and the person you’ve fought to become.”

Have an amazing day.

Disrespect (Archives)

It is defined as “insulting someone or displaying rude behavior by showing a lack of respect.”

Have you experienced it? I have and it is not a nice thing when faced with such behavior. There are three forms of disrespect. These are known as the passive, subtle and the blatant variety.

Passive disrespect is when someone is condescending, makes insulting insinuations, gives you the silent treatment, is sarcastic and doesn’t care if it is hurtful or not. How do you deal with this kind of disrespect?

Don’t take the bait and address the issue immediately.

Subtle disrespect is when someone mocks you, when they talk behind your back and they will pretend to have forgotten things you agreed on.

Show that it doesn’t affect you or decide if you want to engage. Name the disrespectful behavior you have observed and call them out on it. Have a conversation about it but do not lecture.

Blatant disrespect is the no holds barred variety. They go out of their way to deliberately undermine or demean you. Their actions are obvious and they don’t give a hoot if it hurts you.

Here again stay calm but it is hard to do. Use “I” statements when addressing the issue and ask for clarification. You can react with kindness but since that is almost impossible to do, call the person out on his or her behavior and set boundaries as to what you will or won’t tolerate.

If all else fails, you have the option of walking away and closing the door behind you. No one should put up with disrespect. Disrespect basically says, “You are not important and your feelings don’t matter to me.” The truth is, you are important and your feelings do matter. Do not tolerate disrespect of any kind.

Here are some quotes that speak to the heart of the matter:

“The best way to end disrespect is by not giving them a chance to do it again.” Unknown

“Disrespect is the weapon of the weak.” Alice Miller

“Wasting somebody’s time may be the highest form of disrespect.” Unknown

I like the next one a lot.

“Never let your heart be so forgiving that it gets comfortable with disrespect.” Unknown

“Don’t put up with disrespect just to keep them in your life.” Sonya Parker

“Be careful what you tolerate, you are teaching people how to treat you.” Unknown

This last one needs a plaque of its own!

Detox Your Life in 4 Easy Steps

Eliminate anyone who:

Lies to you

Disrespects you

Uses you or

Puts you down.

Have an amazing day.

IT WORKED?!!

I’ve talked about a girlfriend who is known for being tardy. If truth be told, tardiness should have been her first, middle, and last name! Her idea of showing up for a meeting is to never show up on time!

We are two opposites as far as being punctual is concerned. I make it a point to show up 10 to 15 minutes earlier than the scheduled time and hers is to show up 20 t0 30 minutes late, but this last time about three weeks ago she was a no show altogether! Her excuse after a 45 minute wait was, “Oh, so sorry! I completely forgot!” It was the straw that finally broke the camel’s back and this camel has a strong back I must say! I told her in a no-nonsense way that her behavior was unacceptable and let it go at that.

Last week, she wrote asking to meet again. I decided to give her another chance and so I showed up at the cafe today, 15 minutes earlier than the scheduled time. I fully expected Ms. Tardy to come prancing in 20 minutes late as usual.

Lo and behold! She walked in a few minutes after I had walked in, a big smile plastered on her face! My first thought, “It worked! She’s mending her ways.” We had a good talk and nothing was said about her tardiness.

Folks, I don’t know if the leopard can change its spots that easily so it’s a wait and see approach for now. We’ll be meeting again sometime next week and I’m hoping she makes it a priority to show up on time.

But then again…..

PUNCTUALITY

“Consistently being on time is the product of proper planning, personal discipline, and a respect for other people’s time.

Making a habit of being late demonstrates none of these things and is often a sign of patchy priorities and selfishness. Habitual lateness says, “My time is more valuable than yours.”

Learn to be reliable and a person of integrity by adopting the discipline necessary to be on time.” Unknown

Her stance is…..

“I don’t feel tardy.”

And that right there is the problem.

Have an amazing day.

I Love Sundays!

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I do love Sundays. It is a day of rest and meant for time well-spent with family, friends and yourself. Well, it should be and every weekend before Sunday rolls around wearing bells and whistles, I have exactly that in mind but it never works out that way.

I had that talk with Chachi, the cat, and you guessed it, it went in one ear and out the other! The little guy in the fur coat marches to a different drumbeat and he makes his own rules! Last night started out well enough and the little rascal toed the line until he decided that it was not something a cat should be expected to do, toe the line that is. He was off and running and kept me up most of the night with his antics. I decided to let it roll off my back like water off a duck’s back. If you can’t beat them join them…..well, I decided to let him have his way and went into a nirvana state of mind but only in my head, everything else was riled up and revving to go! You guessed how my night went.

I even went to bed wearing a t-shirt that said:

SUNDAY CHECKLIST

EAT AND DO NOTHING

DO NOTHING AND CHILL

CHILL AND SLEEP

No luck there. Reading is not what he is about. He, the little munchkin, was up at his usual time and his first cry was, “Mommy!” We went downstairs at around 5:30 and I made my breakfast with my well-meaning t-shirt full of creases just like my dreams of having a cozy time in bed! Now, I am sitting at the computer and the little guy just came back up and jumped on the chair behind me and has his back up against me! Mommy’s boy? Definitely!

Sundays are meant for relaxing and I’m going to make it so. It is storming outside and it feels cold inside the house. I’m happy about the rain because the ground has been parched and a good dousing would do a world of good as far as the plant world is concerned. So rain on! I’m going to get my second cup of coffee and TRY to CHILL!

Have an amazing Sunday.

This Thing Called Love (3)

We know that love is elusive. We also know that it morphs and changes shape and just when you think you’ve found the one and only, it goes and shows you something different.

If you’ve got both feet firmly planted in the dating scene, you’re bound to meet one of the following types who give love a bad name sooner than later.

The Egoist

This guy is full of himself. Good looks are his calling card and he thinks the world revolves around him or rather he has women swooning at his feet. Well, the truth is they are at his beck and call because in a world where looks matter, he’s all the rage. However, peel away the outer layer and you’ll find more often than not that he’s sorely lacking in a couple of very important aspects. Sometimes looks disguise what is not there. If you’re a smart woman, it takes but a couple of dates to find out that the man of your dreams has an empty shell. If you’re looking for intelligent conversation and looking to hang on to his every word, THIS GUY IS NOT IT! Move on.

Mr. Trigger-Happy

This type may seem to have it all at first glance but that is where it ends. Give him a little time and some rope and he’ll gladly hang himself! All it takes with this dude to show his true self is to have a normal conversation, well what others might call normal but with this guy it’s like playing the Russian roulette. You’ll never know what rubbed him up the wrong way because everything does! He’s just waiting to unload all the years of repressed anger he’s held back and BOOM he’s off and running. Mostly not in your direction because he’s looking for someone to blame for all his problems. Love is the last thing on his mind. RUN and don’t look back!

The Conundrum

This guy is a headache and a half. He walks in like a hurricane, falls like a ton of bricks and is talking the “M” word before the first date is over! You’ll be wondering what hit you! Certainly not love but a corrupted form of something else. He’ll look into your eyes and ask, “Why don’t I see sparkles in them?” Or he’ll want to stick to you like glue and you can only take a breath until he does! If you’re looking for the nice, easy, relaxing type of love, it’s not with him. It’ll only get worse so move on and keep on walking and don’t look back!

Mr. Past & Present

Okay, this is one to watch out for. He has one foot firmly planted in the past. I mean it is cemented to the past. However, he is looking to connect with someone in the present. You’ll find he is either hung up on his dead wife, a past love or just about anything in the PAST as an excuse as to why he can’t fall in love again but if it comes to doing everything else he is willing and ready. Bring up the “M” word and he’s off and running. Scary? It is. Tread carefully because his true self doesn’t show up until you’re fully in and just when you think things are going great and there’s a future, he’ll pull the rug from under your feet. You’ll be left asking, what happened? It’s not you, it’s him. Move with caution or better still RUN!

This thing called love is impossible at times and at other times, it takes a lot of work to land what you’re looking for. Unfortunately, you’ll have to fall a few times, pick yourself back up, kiss more than a few frogs, dance the Tango with those I mentioned above, and when the clock strikes 12, be thankful that you survived to live another day.

“Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.” Joan Crawford

With that in mind, proceed with caution and always with your eyes wide open and tell your heart to sit this one out until you’ve got it down pat. Getting it down to a science is next to impossible but arming yourself with the knowledge to outplay some of the no good types out there is a must!

Have an amazing day.

LOL!

Joe and Joan were sitting down to their usual morning cup of coffee listening to the weather report on the radio. “There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared,” the weather report said. “You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets.” Joe said, “Jeez, okay,” and got up from his coffee.

The next day they were sitting down with their morning cups of coffee. The weather forecast was, “There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the streets.” Again Joe replied, “Jeez, okay,” and got up from his coffee.

Two days later, again they’re sitting down with their cups of coffee and the weather forecast said, “There will be 6 to 8 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the …..” and the power went out and Joe didn’t get the rest of the instructions. He turned to Joan, “Jeez, what am I going to do now, Joan?”

Joan replied, “Aw, Joe, just leave the car in the darned garage today!”

Methinks they’ve got too much time on their hands!

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Behind every successful man is a woman. Behind the downfall of every successful man is usually another woman.

I know this one way too well!

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“I think my wife is selling drugs,” a man told his friend.

“Yesterday I was running late for work and the phone rang. I answered it, but before I could say anything, a guy said, “Hey honey, is that dope gone yet?”

Methinks, well never mind!

Personal Belongings I Hold Dear

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First and foremost is a picture of my young son when he was about three years old. He was a cute kid and I was totally hooked on him. I was a first time mom and my world revolved around him. The little guy was cheeky even at that young age.

One day he had just had his bath and was standing on the table naked waiting to be dressed when I got this great idea. I decided to take a picture of him in his birthday suit. He gave me this look and a smile erupted on his face. I grabbed my cell phone and snapped the pic! He giggled and just as I finished, I felt the spray hit my face! When it did, he chuckled and started jumping on the table. It became a game after that with him. Every time I tried to dress him and when I saw that grin come on his face, I knew what was coming and I learned to duck in time! That pic has a special place in my heart because it was one of those times when life was simple and it was all about giggles and chuckles.

The other thing I hold close and still wear around my neck is a heart-shaped diamond pendant. It’s a beautiful piece and it belonged to my mom. I remember her wearing it all the time and it was her special piece of jewelry. I loved it when the sun hit the stones and made them glisten and shine. I inherited it when she met her untimely death. My brother decided that it was one of the pieces I should have. It is a daily companion along with a diamond solitaire pendant that was given to me by the friend I lost a couple of years ago. Both bring back precious memories. They are both gone now but those two pieces of jewelry bring back a time when I felt special and knew that I was loved.

What may seem like trinkets to some may mean a whole different story to someone else.

Daily writing prompt

What personal belongings do you hold most dear?

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