life – Page 19 – Site Title

Emotional Deja Vu

It is described as, “a feeling of intense familiarity and strong emotions associated with a new experience.” Even though the experience is a new one, the “been there, done that” feeling creeps in and it can bring either dread or joy.

I think we’ve all been there, at some point in our lives, finding ourselves on the same rollercoaster ride time and time again. The same bad experiences keep popping up and no matter how hard we try, we come back to Square 1 before we take off again, back on that rollercoaster with another person who just happens to be the same type you left behind but in a different body!

Have you asked yourself why?

One source says it’s because those “old wounds” haven’t healed and you’re carrying them around like an albatross around your neck. It could be coming from an old relationship that didn’t work out, some trauma that happened along the way which showed you that you are not enough or it could go all the way back to your childhood where you learned that you have to perform and work for everything including relationships.

You make yourself small to fit in. You put up with disrespect. You make do with the blatant lies hoping he’ll change but he never does. You accept crumbs when you should have the whole feast!

You need to stop attracting and accepting low-value men. They are the ones who don’t think twice about cheating on you because they know that whatever they do, you’ll go along for the ride. You will try harder because in your book, love is about conforming to what is asked of you not of being accepted on equal terms. You hang on their every word like a puppy dog and you wait for their validation which never comes. You eat up everything they feed you including the BS! You’re willing to give their “ego” an additional boost by placing a halo on their head, one you’ve decided they deserve. Why? It’s because you find yourself lacking in one way or another. And so the cycle continues.

High-value men do not play games and they are not EMOTIONALLY CONSTIPATED either! They know how to treat a woman right and they are willing to meet you halfway with love, respect and common decency.

How do you break this pattern of attracting what you are used to and the one your heart knows well?

Break the programming! Something in your past has tattooed this message into your being. “I’m not worthy and I don’t deserve better!” You seek what is familiar to you, the hurts, the pain, the knowing, the red flags. You take it all in and are even comfortable with them. It is what you know best. If you don’t break this cycle, it is emotional deja vu over and over again.

Work on knowing the patterns that get you there. Take time out to find out what you want and be honest about it. Know that you’ll feel lonely having to walk it alone for a while. It is needed.

Remember this:

“You’re a first place girl…..not a “just incase girl!”

AND

“An amazing thing happens when you stop seeking approval and validation: You find it. People are naturally drawn like magnets to those who know who they are and cannot be shaken!”

SO HERE YOU GO!

Know who you are, know your self-worth, don’t settle for anything less and in time those rollercoaster rides will fizzle out. The one who’s meant for you will find you, this time to stay because YOU know exactly what you want and you are no longer settling for anything less than that!

Have an amazing day.

This Thing Called Love (3)

Archives

We know that love is elusive. We also know that it morphs and changes shape and just when you think you’ve found the one and only, it goes and shows you something different.

If you’ve got both feet firmly planted in the dating scene, you’re bound to meet one of the following types who give love a bad name sooner than later.

The Egoist

This guy is full of himself. Good looks are his calling card and he thinks the world revolves around him or rather he has women swooning at his feet. Well, the truth is they are at his beck and call because in a world where looks matter, he’s all the rage. However, peel away the outer layer and you’ll find more often than not that he’s sorely lacking in a couple of very important aspects. Sometimes looks disguise what is not there. If you’re a smart woman, it takes but a couple of dates to find out that the man of your dreams has an empty shell. If you’re looking for intelligent conversation and looking to hang on to his every word, THIS GUY IS NOT IT! Move on.

Mr. Trigger-Happy

This type may seem to have it all at first glance but that is where it ends. Give him a little time and some rope and he’ll gladly hang himself! All it takes with this dude to show his true self is to have a normal conversation, well what others might call normal but with this guy it’s like playing the Russian roulette. You’ll never know what rubbed him up the wrong way because everything does! He’s just waiting to unload all the years of repressed anger he’s held back and BOOM he’s off and running. Mostly not in your direction because he’s looking for someone to blame for all his problems. Love is the last thing on his mind. RUN and don’t look back!

The Conundrum

This guy is a headache and a half. He walks in like a hurricane, falls like a ton of bricks and is talking the “M” word before the first date is over! You’ll be wondering what hit you! Certainly not love but a corrupted form of something else. He’ll look into your eyes and ask, “Why don’t I see sparkles in them?” Or he’ll want to stick to you like glue and you can only take a breath until he does! If you’re looking for the nice, easy, relaxing type of love, it’s not with him. It’ll only get worse so move on and keep on walking and don’t look back!

Mr. Past & Present

Okay, this is one to watch out for. He has one foot firmly planted in the past. I mean it is cemented to the past. However, he is looking to connect with someone in the present. You’ll find he is either hung up on his dead wife, a past love or just about anything in the PAST as an excuse as to why he can’t fall in love again but if it comes to doing everything else he is willing and ready. Bring up the “M” word and he’s off and running. Scary? It is. Tread carefully because his true self doesn’t show up until you’re fully in and just when you think things are going great and there’s a future, he’ll pull the rug from under your feet. You’ll be left asking, what happened? It’s not you, it’s him. Move with caution or better still RUN!

This thing called love is impossible at times and at other times, it takes a lot of work to land what you’re looking for. Unfortunately, you’ll have to fall a few times, pick yourself back up, kiss more than a few frogs, dance the Tango with those I mentioned above, and when the clock strikes 12, be thankful that you survived to live another day.

“Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.” Joan Crawford

With that in mind, proceed with caution and always with your eyes wide open and tell your heart to sit this one out until you’ve got it down pat. Getting it down to a science is next to impossible but arming yourself with the knowledge to outplay some of the no good types out there is a must!

Have an amazing day.

My Alternate Universe

I would go back and change everything! Starting with the night I met my two-timing ex! What started out as a chance meeting at a dance at the university and later morphed into something more was a big mistake. I would erase all of that.

How far would you go for love? It’s a question that is asked in certain circles and it’s a question many ponder over when in love with someone a continent away. Some are brave enough to throw caution to the winds because “love” is all that matters. It did at the time. I gave up everything and moved to Europe thinking I had “forever” in my pocket. It didn’t turn out that way.

There are many hurdles to cross when you move to a non-English speaking country. First, comes the meeting up with the culture and the customs at close range along with a feeling of being like a duck out of water all the time. In my case, I had to raise a child in an atmosphere of, “We know everything better!” Team it with a husband who was never there because he was on business trips all the time and you get the picture. I learned what unhappiness was and with a mother-in-law from hell in tow, my life became something else.

Here’s the thing. In my alternate universe, I would be in America and with someone else. Someone who has character and is noble enough to stand beside his wife which was sorely lacking in more ways than one.

My advice to someone contemplating a move to somewhere faraway, make sure you have a backup plan when it goes down south. Luckily, I was able to survive what came my way, and this is home now because my son feels more at home here and considers himself European as well.

If I get to do it all over again, my alternate universe would be a lot more different than what my reality is and peace would reign supreme!

Daily writing prompt

Describe your life in an alternate universe.

View all responses

The Staycation

I don’t do vacations anymore. Packing up and going somewhere only to unpack and do the “vacation thing” is for the birds but that’s how I feel.

I hate leaving what is comfortable and heading to places unknown. It is a thing of the past for me. This year, I decided to do it my way. I took a week off and decided to do a staycation the “recluse” way.

Walks in nature, getting up whenever and letting life take care of itself for a while was the plan. It started out well enough BUT on the first day, I woke up earlier than usual. Bah humbug! Tomorrow is another day, I told myself. I still had six more days to go.

At least, I had the facial appointment to look forward to. It went just fine and I came out glowing or rather a little oilier than expected. The cosmetician said it was a new method of getting your skin to look its optimal best. I was thinking, it should after all the different creams that were mixed and shot into my skin! “Don’t worry if it looks a little oily, it’ll calm down after a few days,” she said.

I nixed the breakfast alone at the cafe idea. I was looking like a pin cushion that had had more pins stuck in it than ever! My pores had been cleaned out, vacuumed out and smoothed out! Oh God! Exactly my thoughts. Anyway, this vacation thing did not start out with a bang but then again, it wasn’t supposed to. Let’s pick up the pace a little bit.

On Day 3, I decided to get myself out. I was supposed to meet a friend for coffee and breakfast and do some catching up. I showed up early and found a comfortable seat by the window. Sipping on a cup of coffee, I noticed the friend walk in. I smiled but it froze in place instantly. Next to him was a total stranger. He was about 6’2″ tall, slim with dark wavy hair, wore glasses which added to the distinguished look and a great smile to boot. It has been said that a recluse is someone who is anti-s0cial and loves doing things alone so “alone” time is good, once in a while meeting someone is good but adding to the equation is a NO! NO! Anyway, we got introduced and the conversation took off. Maybe, I was nervous or just P I S S E D, but the conversation was flowing non-stop. It was the same way with him and we were like two chickens cackling away! The fifth-wheel, my friend had a disgruntled look on his face but it was well-deserved for showing up with an unannounced stranger!

So, what happened? A future date perhaps? Nope, it doesn’t work that way with me. I’m a hard egg to crack. After two hours, I had had enough of socializing and got out of there fast. This vacation thing wasn’t working out the way I wanted it too.

Days 4, 5, & 6 were spent getting on Chachi, the cat’s nerves. I decided to do the cleaning bit and Little Einstein wanted to keep an eye on everything. He wore himself out. I took one walk in nature but the rest of the days were spent indoors because the rain had moved in and decided to keep me company.

Workouts, meditation, cheesecake and lots of coffee and tea kept my mood on an even keel. I don’t know about vacationing at home guys. It was okay but it is what I’m used to on a daily basis, nothing different. Still, I would rather do this than the other variety which involves packing, heading out, eating, eating, eating followed by lots of stress. What about Day 7? I was climbing walls by then and it was time to come back to reality.

I’ll take “staycation” anyday!

Most Money Ever Spent on a Meal

Here’s another question and nothing comes to mind! I don’t think I’ve ever spent a lot on a meal when I had to pay for it on my own. Mostly, it has been just simple meals and nothing much to speak of.

However, there was one time when I was invited out for dinner and the cost blew my mind. He was a Qantas Airways pilot, who lived in Australia but was used to flying in and out of Asia and he invited me out to dinner. I was thinking it would be a simple restaurant so nothing spectacular. I was wrong.

The restaurant was high up somewhere in the clouds, on the 70th floor, and a revolving one at that. We were met at the entrance by a Russian soldier dressed in medieval gear. He looked menacing. We had to wait at the bar to be seated. When we finally got our table, it had a beautiful view of the city and it was lit up like a Christmas tree. The scenery kept changing and that was more than interesting. First course, was a big plate of oysters on ice with black caviar and sliced boiled eggs. I had never had oysters or caviar before. The oysters looked unappetizing but he insisted I try one. I did and it was not to my liking.

They made a big display of opening the wine bottle and since I don’t drink, it was nothing for me either. Then the main course came. It was steak in a sumptuous sauce. I don’t recall what else came with it because the steak was melt in your mouth and blew everything else away. What came next? Dessert I think. but I’m not sure. Everything was perfect but nothing was lined with gold or anything like that to warrant what came next.

The bill was a whopping $350 dollars!

I think that was the most expensive meal I had ever been invited to and the fact that he thought I was worth it was mind-blowing as well.

Daily writing prompt

What’s the most money you’ve ever spent on a meal? Was it worth it?

View all responses

This Thing Called Love (2)

Archives

Stage 1: Falling in Love

“In the first stage of love, your hormones run the show. You flirt, get butterflies in your stomach and heart, toss your hair back often and laugh a lot more. Falling in love makes you glow. Full playfulness and passion, stage one of love, often called the honeymoon stage tends to be everyone’s favorite because it is fun.“

This is how Stage 1 looks like. You can talk for hours on the phone and it never gets old. There is lots of laughing and giggling and you have your rose-tinted glasses on. If there is a blemish the size of a rock on your face, it is invisible at this stage or airbrushed by the blossoming of something special. Time flies by on wings and it is never ever enough. You want more and even though red flags may crop up like a neon sign, you SEE and don’t want to see. It is also the stage of stupidity where your brain and intuition take a backseat and your heart takes over.

Stage 2: Getting Serious

“Enter stage two. You still make a good couple. You hold hands in the park and cuddle up together to watch a movie, but something has changed. You’ve moved in together, maybe even got married. That fun time has run its course and your relationship has entered the serious zone.“

You may have moved in together or maybe not. It could be headed in a more serious direction where the “M” word is bandied about. That rose-tinted glow is there but now grey is starting to seep in. You question his/her motives. When once that laugh was alluring, it now makes you grit your teeth. You see things you don’t like. Things like he doesn’t keep to his word or you’ve caught him in a lie or two. Little things like leaving the toilet seat up and leaving clothes all over the floor gets your goat. The glow is still there so it’s time to push it all under the rug. You say, “It’ll right itself out. After all, you’re not looking for perfect.” The serious zone is staring you in the face and you don’t want to rock the boat. Let sleeping dogs lie you say but you know that it could come back to bite you later.

Stage 3: What Happened?

“What happened? Did you fall out of love? By this point, all illusions have been stripped away. You find yourself arguing more. Romance seems like work and you can’t be bothered to squeeze in the time. You just want it to end. And most people do just that, end their relationship.“

This is the “make it” or “break it” phase. It is also the time to let it all hang out phase. Remember that in Stage 1 all was perfect or at least it seemed so. Nothing was out of place, not a hair, not a fake eyelash, perfect haircut, smelling good and NO inappropriate behavior. Now, it’s let it rip time and HOW! If you’re married, who cares is the attitude. Everything is allowed and I mean everything. He’s seen you many times over so why bother? Unkempt hair, less than perfect hygiene, let it all grow out if you know what I mean. He, in turn, lets it rip. Holding it in is no longer required, anywhere anytime is ok. One other thing I find fascinating is that men love talking to you when they are sitting on the throne! Something soothing perhaps? That smile is no longer alluring, those little quirks more than annoying and spending a few minutes talking equates to an hour and a half in your mind. I call this the end of time phase. It’s probably all downhill from here and most choose to end the relationship.

According to one source, there are five clear stages. They are honeymoon, uncertainty, adjustment, commitment and acceptance. I’ve chosen to speak about three because not many make it past the adjustment phase. If you do, you’re one of the lucky ones. However, the fourth and fifth phase are hard to navigate. Most are either miserable wanting to get out or they’ve accepted their fate and are playing dead until their time is up!

I haven’t given up hope that I will make it to the last phase with a smile on my face and the right man by my side. I’m still working on finding him. Unfortunately, he seems to have lost his way and is nowhere to be found and TIME is running out! Fairy Godmother some help please! I could use your wand right about now!

Have an amazing day.

A Habit That Brings Joy

It’s no secret. There are many things that bring me joy on a daily basis but the one thing that remains constant is the joy I get from Chachi, the cat.

Little Einstein does the impossible. On days when I’m down in the dumps or feeling a little lost, it is the little furball that brings me back up and helps me to see life as half full versus half empty. All it takes is his cross-legged stance with that inquisitive look on his face to put a smile on my face or it is that rubbing up against my leg for attention or even doing the workouts with me. He is more of a hindrance there but who cares. It automatically puts a smile on my face and sometimes a roar of laughter follows watching him as he tries to distract me from what I’m doing.

The little Meister is an expert at showing me who his favorite person is. He winks when he catches me looking at him and in cat language it means either they love you or are just mighty pleased to have you in their life. Add his love- filled glances and he takes me soaring. One habit that I absolutely love is cuddling at bedtime. I love listening to him take off to dreamland and the soft purring of contentment is music to my ears. Now, it’s not going to do the same for the guy who comes in, of this I’m sure. What guy? He’s not there yet but when he does show up, I’m not holding my breath, but when he does we’ll work on that problem together.

Until then Chachi, the cat, or rather Little Einstein is king and master and he knows it. He is one habit that brings me joy and I can do forever! Yes, I’m a goner where that little guy is concerned. Most importantly, he brings me joy of the best kind.

Daily writing prompt

Describe one habit that brings you joy.

View all responses

This Thing Called Love (1)

(Archives)

Photo by Asad Photo Maldives on Pexels.com

By now, you know that most of my posts center around this thing called love. It’s because I have my fact-finding shoes on and I want to find out what it is all about.

It is elusive, that’s for sure. It morphs and never stays the same, that’s another aspect. It shows up when you least expect it and it doesn’t stay for long. It is loving and all-consuming but when things go south, it takes off on winged feet. This is my experience as far as love is concerned.

Poor me? Not really. It is daunting this task of finding “real love” but my curiosity is aroused and I’m not going to settle for anything less than the real kind. Curiosity killed the cat, you say? Well, Chachi, the cat, is doing pretty well in that respect and he’s wearing the Einstein hat now!

Someone said to me it is not about ego or attitude yesterday. I totally agree. However, it is not about accepting everyone who walks in the door and placing the “love tag” on them either. That’s a surefire way to disaster. One person called me complicated, well, more than one but who’s counting! Complicated in this case means I’m not willing to accept what is offered. It’s more like the caveman variety. “Here I am woman take me! I like you so no more wasting time and no more discussion. Let’s get down to business!” Nope, that won’t work. I am too emancipated for that BS! Call me complicated all you want but you’re out the door!

I live in a small village that time forgot. The marriages here last a very long time. Have they found the secret to a long and happy love life? Not really. It is based on convenience. Its more like, “I provide and you pander.” Get the picture? These marriages last for a very long time but they are miserable together. One prime example was my in-laws. They were married for decades and they boasted about the longevity of their relationship, however, fights were a part of their daily existence. When he died, she mourned his loss. I wondered if she was mourning the loss of the person or what she was accustomed to, that of nagging and bickering all day long. Perhaps, it was addicting but is that real love?

Someone else said, “If you find it, hold on to it.” I definitely plan to do that. In my journey so far, I’m finding that “love” comes disguised in all its wishy-washy forms but if you want the real kind, you’ve got to take your time, know what you will settle for and what you won’t and don’t be afraid to discard if it’s not what you’re looking for. It takes courage, it takes a single-minded focus and it takes walking the road less traveled. Shut out the noise around you. The one that says, “You can’t do this,” but more specifically the one that roars, “You’ll wind up alone!” I say, “better alone than with the wrong person.”

“Unless it’s mad, passionate or extraordinary love, it’s a waste of your time. There are too many mediocre things in life: Love shouldn’t be one of them.” Unknown

AND

“There is no such thing as love, you just happen to bump into someone who laughs at your jokes, likes the way you’re face is and accepts the way you look at the world. Love isn’t real, only two human beings coincidentally lonely at the same moment in time.”

What do you think? Some truth to that assumption?

Have an amazing day.

Life & Love

Photo by Jonathan Del Poente on Pexels.com

These are two things I’m curious about and I wish I can get a handle on both of them. So far, it has been touch and go. Just when I think I know what life and love are all about, it goes and changes on me!

One thing I know is that life is unpredictable more so than love. You can’t count on it being the same day in and day out and there is no counting on it to remain the same. If anything, it has the ability to turn your world upside down when you least expect it and that is exactly why I’m curious about it. It almost seems like it knows what it is doing AND it also knows that we are fully capable of handling whatever it throws our way even if we think it is an impossibility or there is no way we’re going to stand back up from the latest onslaught. Looking back, I think I was ENOUGH all along but still I want it laid out in black and white as to what life is and why it is so erratic. Some say it is the nature of the beast.

Love, on the other hand, is predictable. If you are in a bad relationship, it goes without saying that it is going to end badly. I have found that when I veer off the path and go my own way, I usually wind up getting hurt. It also seems that the “chase” doesn’t always work. If I take my focus away from finding love, the right kind of love, it shows up knocking on my door. Only problem is that I still keep looking thinking there is more out there, the almost perfect person for me and that is my problem. I know what love can do, how it can take you soaring or rip you apart and leave you gasping for air, that too is predictable. I am curious about the “forever love” the kind that lasts for a lifetime. I am still looking for it. If the person will show up that is the question.

I am curious about many things but those two listed above are at the top of my list. Perhaps, I should leave it alone but when has that stopped me!

Daily writing prompt

What are you curious about?

View all responses

Some Good News

It is interesting how life throws one thing your way and combines it with another just to sweeten the pot or to say, “Look, it’s not all bad.”

I’ve written about my health issue in the last two posts and it is at the top of my mind or has me in its grip. Getting away from it is hard because I do take very good care of myself and this latest news is totally unfair but when has life been fair? If anything, it is there to teach us lessons and whether we want to learn or not doesn’t matter.

Well, I got this not so nice news from the doctor and just as I was deep diving into a roller coaster ride of emotions, I get this other news. Normally, I would be over the moon but not this time. My book, the long awaited one, will be out around end of August! I should have been very happy but mixed with the other news, it came over almost lukewarm and it didn’t have the power kick it should have had.

Anyway, the book should hit bookstores everywhere during that time. The marketing part is not to my liking. They are talking about book signings, interviews and other stuff which would require yours truly to put in an appearance and that is the part that is not appealing. I love my privacy so I am not happy about that part. What to do? Bite the bullet and do it or refuse and see the book go down in flames? Oh well, one thing at a time. The good news is I will finally have a printed copy in my hands and get to see all my hard work on display. I’ve always loved that part about writing, seeing my work in print.

Have an amazing day.