life – Page 24 – Site Title

Loneliness (Archives)

“Find company within yourself and you’ll never spend a day alone. Find love within yourself and you’ll never have a lonely day.” Connor Chalfant

Loneliness is defined as sadness because one has no friends or company. However, it is actually a state of mind. People who are lonely have trouble connecting with others because even though they want and crave human contact, their state of mind makes it hard for them to see beyond what they are feeling. At this stage, they often see themselves as unworthy of friendship, they often feel rejected and more often than not, they voluntarily remove themselves from what is causing them hurt and that is the outside world and so the vicious cycle begins and takes hold.

Low self-esteem, lack of confidence and being an introvert can all lead to isolation and loneliness. The effects are far-reaching and at times scary. It can lead to antisocial behavior, feelings of not fitting in and worst case scenario, it can also lead to depression and suicide.

Almost everyone experiences loneliness at some time or rather and it gets worse during holidays, birthdays and other significant days. Someone close to me is dealing with symptoms of loneliness and any suggestions of help is falling on deaf ears. He is hell-bent on holding onto his new best friend “loneliness.” I think we are our own worst enemy and when we fall, we fall deep. We go into the trenches and it is hard to crawl back out. We tell ourselves we are not good enough as we are, opinions matter and we see ourselves as not worthy of interacting with what is out there. At times the outside world can be cruel and for someone who is struggling it can be more than daunting. What to do short of meeting with a therapist? Perhaps these few tips might help.

Join a group, exercise class or book club. There are many other options.

Do things you enjoy.

Go for a walk.

Share your feelings.

Practice self-care. Start exercising, eat nutritious foods and get enough sleep.

Love yourself warts and all.

Most of all stay busy.

If none of the above helps, here are some quotes to see life from the brighter side.

“A season of loneliness and isolation is when the caterpillar gets its wings. Remember that next time you feel alone.” Mandy Hale

“It’s impossible to be lonely when you’re zesting an orange. Scrape the soft rind once and the whole room fills with fruit. Look around: you have more than enough. Always have. You just didn’t notice until now.” Mary Oliver

I love this one.

If you are feeling lonely know that you’ll always have:

“Books to nurture your mind. Hands to create and explore. Wind to calm your soul. Breathes to soothe your nerves. Nature to soak your worries away. Stars to decorate your dreams.” Emma Xie

Have an amazing day.

Change (Archives)

A Series on Getting Back on Track

“Your new life is going to cost you your old one.

It’s going to cost you your comfort zone and your sense of direction.

It’s going to cost you relationships and friends. It’s going to cost you being liked, and understood. But it doesn’t matter. Because the people who are meant for you are going to meet you on the other side. And you’re going to build a new comfort zone around the things that actually move you forward.

And instead of liked, you’re going to be loved. Instead of understood, you’re going to be seen. All you’re going to lose is what was built for a person you no longer are. Let it go.” Brianna West

Change is never-ending. It is scary but it brings you one step closer to who or what you want to be. It moves you out of your comfort zone and at times it will feel like you are being thrown into the deep end of the pool, sink or swim is your choice. I hope you swim.

Looking back at my life and the things that have held me back, I realize much of it was tied in with stupidity and emotions I could have done without. I could have learned the lessons in a shorter period of time instead of dragging it on but I didn’t.

This thing called love could have been easier on me. I could have made it easier but I wasn’t strong enough. I was in a vulnerable state and it seemed to attract the wrong types because vulnerability is often an invitation which says, “Here I am, come break me!” I should have walked when I saw that it was a foregone conclusion and my holding on would not change the outcome. It never did. I will do better I promise myself. I will let go when I see the truth staring me in the face and walk away with my dignity intact and with my heart back where it belongs. I will let go before it drags me down to where I often find myself, right down at ground zero but the changes took a long time coming.

I am stronger today than I was yesterday. My heart still speaks the language of love but it no longer speaks stupid. This journey I am on has changed me. The weak or vulnerable one has been replaced with someone who is confident, capable and someone who knows who she is and what she wants out of life. Something inside me screams, “I am woman, hear me roar!” Scary? Well, if you’re the type of man I am accustomed to, then you should be. I am looking to be loved but with eyes open this time. Working on myself is a mindful and daily affair and when I finally step out of my comfort zone, the journey will be complete but change is a lifelong journey and it will be a never-ending one. I can handle it I tell myself because I am no longer who I used to be.

“In any given moment we have two options: to step forward into growth or step back into safety.” Abraham Maslow

AND

“Change begins at the end of your comfort zone.” Roy T. Bennett

Have an amazing day.

Friends

“Good friends are like stars. You don’t always see them, but you know they’re always there.” Unknown

Yesterday, I got an unexpected message from a friend I hadn’t seen or heard from in a long while.

It said: “Hi T, checking on you, you doing ok?”

I replied I had hurt my knee and he said, “Cut back on the workouts! Wrap it up or put a band on it.”

We talked about meeting up when the weather turned and got better. It was short and sweet but “friends” are just that. They show up when least expected and they show concern and caring for your well-being.

“Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.” Eleanor Roosevelt.

There are many types of friendships. However, to call someone a friend, “the relationship must be long-lasting, it must be positive, and it must involve cooperation.” The deepest type of friendship is “one in which we feel seen and loved for exactly who we are,” and the lowest form is the user-based type. “It is the kind that is based on selfishness and instability” and it is all take but when there is no more giving to be had, it unravels and disappears.

I choose who my friends are carefully, therefore, I don’t have a huge friendship circle. I have acquaintances who I meet infrequently but I don’t let them into my heart, only a few make it there. Fair weather friends they are aplenty and there are those who profess to love you but when you need a shoulder to lean on, they are nowhere to be seen.

“When friendships are real, they are not glass threads or frost work, but the solidest things we can know.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

Choose your friends carefully or who you call or give the label of “friend” to. Friends matter but keep in mind that quality is better than quantity. Give your true friends the loving and caring they deserve and keep them close to your heart because sometimes they take the place of family and that is saying a whole lot.

“Friends are like walls, sometimes you lean on them and sometimes it’s good just knowing they’re there.” Unknown

I’ll finish by saying, “Thank you, you made my day,” to the friend who called out of the blue. Yes, I’ll cut back on the workouts and I’ll remember I’m not a spring chicken anymore but my body still thinks I am!

Have an amazing day.

Finding Love (Archives)

A Series on Getting Back on Track

Photo by Asad Photo Maldives on Pexels.com

Love is elusive, it has been said. It is hard to pin down said another. Sometimes it hides in plain sight but it is the one thing that we can’t live without says the heart. Sure, we can pretend that it doesn’t matter if we have love or not and convince ourselves that it is absolutely alright but in those moments when all is quiet and you’re left looking up at the night sky all lit up with a million stars, that is when your heart reminds you that there is more to life than standing here all alone surrounded by such beauty. It is at those moments that your heart yearns for something more, someone to hold, someone to share hugs and kisses with and that one special someone who will finally complete you.

“It’s impossible,” said pride.

“It’s risky,” said experience.

“It’s pointless,” said reason.

“Give it a try,” whispered the heart. Unknown.

Giving it a try is easy. Taking the risk, we’ve all tried that. Impossible and pointless? I don’t know about that but I’m on the search for love, true love. Not the “whishy washy” variety that disguises itself as love but in reality is far from it. This kind of love has the potential to break your heart in two or more pieces if given the chance but I’m looking for the type that can weather any storm. However, I have the tendency to jump in with both feet where love is concerned but I am learning as I go along. The solution could be that we need to stop doing this below.

“Stop planting flowers in peoples yards who aren’t going to water them.” Hylyrikz.com

How many times have we done that? Plenty of times? I know I’ve done that many times over knowing full well that I was stepping on dangerous ground. Yet, I kept on doing it saying, “It has potential, it could be what I’ve been looking for.” And what is that?” you might ask. Is it someone who treats you like you are ordinary? You deserve much more and I deserve much more than that. Ordinary is not my thing, has never been and will never be my thing. If someone you love treats you as “ordinary” it is time to move on and look for that someone who shows you that you are “extraordinary.”

“If he misses you, he’ll call.

If he wants you, he’ll say it.

If he cares, he’ll show it.

And if not, he can’t be worth your time.” Unknown.

This quote says it all. The journey to finding love is hard enough but if you have someone who doesn’t show you all of the above, it is time to move on. Love is not about you chasing someone with no reciprocation in return. It is the meeting of minds and of hearts but it is so much more than that. The caring will show if the love is there. Pay attention to what is shown because it will show you the reality of the situation. Which brings me to the last part.

“Never apologize for trusting your intuition – your brain can play tricks, your heart can blind, but your gut is always right.” Rachel Wolchin

Listen to your gut, we’ve heard that often enough right? How often have we turned our backs on it? I know I have more times than I can count on the fingers of one hand. It was my way of turning a blind eye when the truth was staring me in the face. I’ve walked down paths I should not have and at times the pain was unbearable but I had only myself to blame. Pay attention to that gut feeling, it only has your best interest at heart.

The path I am on is scary, the unknown always is but armed with what I have learned from 2024, I am confident that I am headed in the right direction. I just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other, take a couple of deep breaths and keep on moving. If I stumble along the way and fall which I know I will, it is alright. I will gather up yet another lesson learned and keep moving to the finish line. The end goal is finding love, the kind that will last a lifetime not just for the here and now. When I do find that elusive someone it will not be about completing me but more about adding to who I am and making me feel absolutely extraordinary!

There is hope.

Have an amazing day.

LOL! (3)

I’m embracing humor with open arms these days. Jokes, stand-up comedy and anything that tickles the funny bone is all par for the course and believe me it brings joy into my life and a lighter outlook on life. Here are a few more jokes to bring a wholehearted laugh or even a smile to your face.

A Women’s Perfect Breakfast

She’s sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.

Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.

Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.

Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.

And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

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WIFE vs. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically. ‘Relatives of yours?’

‘Yep,’ the wife replied, ‘in-laws.’

Smart wife and the husband is on the back of the milk carton by the way!

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An Equal Opportunity Joke!

Not all men are idiots……..

………Some REMAIN single!

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Father and Son

Father: “Son, if you don’t stop playing with that thing you’ll go blind!”

Son: “Dad, I’m over here!”

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Hell’s Rewards!

A guy dies and having been far from perfect in life, finds himself in hell. The devil greets him and says he’ll have to pick from one of three rooms.

He looks in the first room and he sees people screaming in pain as they burn in a massive fire.

He looks in the second room and he sees people being violently torn to shreds by a giant, raging gorilla.

He looks in the third room and there are people sitting in vats of s**t all the way to their neck but they are also drinking coffee. He thinks sitting in s**t is not that great but at least you get coffee. He chooses Room #3. He gets into the vat and he gets his cup of coffee. He takes a sip and thinks, not bad at all. Then the supervisor blows a whistle and says, “OK everyone, break is over. Back on your heads!”

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Sticks and Stones (Archives)

This world for as much as it is beautiful is still a cruel place. Evil lurks and strikes when you least expect it. However, the kind of evil I am going to talk about here is not the kind that can hurt you physically but the one that has the power to go deeper, much deeper.

“A dagger of words can pierce the heart more deeply than any weapon.” Unknown

We’ve heard this adage before, some of us many times over. ”Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.” How often have we taken this one to heart and agreed wholeheartedly that words don’t have the potential to hurt simply because someone had the audacity to throw some unsavory words our way? Words will never hurt you? It doesn’t quite work that way does it? Words have the potential to hurt even more than sticks and stones. They have the power to cut you like a knife, they have the ability to hurt like hell, they can humiliate and maim you to the point that your world comes to a standstill.

Words have power. The good ones can lift you up but the bad ones can bring you to your knees. Labels such as, moron, imbecile, idiot or others of a more sinister nature DO HURT. They can also have an impact on a more deeper psychological level.

So choose your words carefully as you go out into the world today. What you put out there matters so let’s go out and make this world a better place, one word at a time!

Here are some of my favorite quotes that speak to the power of words.

“Be mindful when it comes to your words. A string of some that don’t mean much to you, may stick with someone else for a lifetime.” Rachel Wolchin

“Words can inspire. And words can destroy. Choose yours well.” Robin Sharma

And finally this,

“Words are powerful, they have the ability to create a moment and the strength to destroy it.” Joyce Meyer

Choose your words carefully for they have the power to hurt and much worse than sticks and stones. Whoever said, “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me” didn’t know what they were talking about!

Have an amazing day.

When Life Was Simple (Archives)

A Series on Getting Back on Track

“Things to Remember”

Eat regularly (and well)

Get enough sleep

Sometimes being a bitch is necessary

Stop talking and listen

Don’t take anyone’s shit

Things WILL get better

If someone can’t make the effort to be in your life – they don’t deserve to be there.

It only ends once, everything else is just progress.

A good cup of tea can solve just about anything.

Stick to your guns.

Impromptu solo dance parties are good for your health.

Spend time with the people who matter the most.

I remember a time when life was simple. Having my head in the clouds and my feet on the ground was a daily and joyous norm for me. Twirling on my toes, watching clouds go by on my back and chasing rainbows and dreams was what life was about way back when I was young and life was simple.

Splashing in duck puddles on a rainy day with only the ducks for company was absolute heaven. Covered in mud from head to toe and looking like a gypsy was a badge I wore with pride. Talking to unseen beings who only existed in my mind didn’t matter because it made life simple.

Chasing rainbow colored fish in a dirty stream made it the absolute highlight of my day and when I had a few wriggling in my hands with the sunlight reflecting off their multi-hued bodies made it even more so. Boys….hmm….boys were of no importance except as buddies. They did not have the power to touch my heart but that was way back when things were simple and I had wings.

Dancing in the rain, jumping over puddles of water and squealing with laughter meant I was one with nature. Anger, hurt and pain were unknown in a life where nothing mattered except for the magic I created within myself. Joy was an everyday occurrence but it became a thing of the past. It was way back when things were simple. I am a grown-up now.

Adulthood is defined as or means that, “they are an adult or that they behave in a responsible way.”

Someone asked me not too long ago why I couldn’t behave the same way. The answer is simple. Grown-ups or adults behave in a specific way. Propriety demands that I “conform to what is socially acceptable in conduct or speech.”

Going back to the quote I started out with, I will choose a few I can live with.

“Sometimes being a bitch is necessary.” This is an alien concept to me as being a “bitch” is way beyond my grasp of being a good person. Lately, I am learning that it is a necessary step to where I want to get to in my journey of life. A bitch is applied to a woman and defined as “someone, who is belligerent, unreasonable, malicious, controlling, aggressive or dominant.” Perhaps I need to apply this concept on my way to arriving at my end goal. Life is not that simple anymore.

“If someone can’t make the effort to be in your life – they don’t deserve to be there.” This is a hard one. Where once “men” were of no consequence, growing up means learning to deal with this species. If you thought women were difficult to comprehend, try dealing with this group! The end point is, if they can’t be bothered to be in your life and every effort is just lukewarm or worse cold then it is time to put your “bitch” shoes on and move on. Life is too short and neither is it just in black and white. It is complicated enough as it is and perhaps we make it more complicated. It boils down to, if you can’t make an effort, it is time for you to go.

Last but not least, “Spend time with people who matter most.” These are people who show up when times are tough. The ones who are not just “fair weather friends” but who are there without being asked. Get rid of the liars, the ones who have lying built into their DNA, this is a necessary step in making your life simple again. Liars are not worthy of your time and space because they say one thing and behave as if you don’t matter. Walk and don’t look back!

“The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak.” Hans Hofmann

Looks easy enough doesn’t it but believe me it is not. You can get back to the basics. You can still dance in the rain, imagine yourself splashing in puddles and envision yourself in a much simpler time and place. Truth is it takes imagination, hard work, determination and courage to get back to that place of simplicity. Complicated is just in your mind.

Have an amazing day.

YOU ARE ENOUGH (Archives)

“You are enough, just as you are.” Meghan Markle

The Duchess of Sussex shared this quote in an interview and how right she is.

How many times have we questioned if we are really enough? How many times have we said if only I was thinner, prettier, more popular, had more friends than life would be better, simpler and I would be enough. More times than you can count on your fingers right? I know I have.

I think to be enough you have to start by loving yourself first. It is not about what society expects of you, the impossible goals it puts out there so that achieving some of them takes us to never never land and leaves us wanting but never quite attaining what is the norm or considered the norm in today’s society of much ado about nothing.

Beyonce said:

“Your self-worth is determined by you. You don’t have to depend on someone telling you who you are.”

I will add, love yourself first and you’re halfway there. Look in the mirror and give yourself a big hug and say, “I love you warts and all!” Yes warts because we do carry those unseen warts around with us. Just the other day someone said to me, “You are your worst critic.” He is right but more appropriately I am my own worst enemy. When I look in that mirror first thing in the morning, I see all that is wrong and those warts, those invisible ones take shape and have the power to obliterate if I allow them. These days, I see someone genuine with potential staring back at me. I smile, give myself a hug and go on my way.

So many of us go through life carrying the burden of I don’t measure up. It is easy to do in this world of ours where perfection and beauty are key buzzwords and measuring up is an uphill task. However, these are just two words. Honesty, integrity, dependability, good-heartedness, helpfulness and so on are all words that carry so much worth that they have the power to blow those two other words, beauty and perfection to kingdom come! Look at you, the real you and you will know that you my friend are enough as you are.

Someone close to me said, “I don’t know if I can make it.” Despair, frustration and a fear of the future are the monsters he will have to slay. He’s at a standstill but this is nothing new. I’ve been there and so have you when the day seems unfathomable and all you want to do is turn out the light, shut out the world and go within yourself and stay there for awhile.

“Today I feel like putting on the “OUT OF ORDER” sticker on my head and going back to bed.” Unknown

However, the trick is in knowing when to crawl out of bed, remove that sign and take life by its reins and to say, “I am enough as I am. You won’t defeat me!”

You are capable, you have the power within you to achieve the impossible and you my friend are stronger than you think!

YOU ARE ENOUGH!

“My mission should I choose to accept it, is to find peace with exactly who and what I am. To take pride in my thoughts, my appearance, my talents, my flaws and to stop this incessant worrying that I can’t be loved as I am.” Anais Nin

Have an amazing day.

Wolves in Sheep’s Clothing (Archives)

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“Some people aren’t who they say they are. Be cautious of the company you keep. Be careful who you trust.” Unknown

I’m back to where I don’t want to be but as I’ve said before, life has a way of throwing curveballs and when you get hit, you just have to go with the flow. Dating again is not my cup of tea and part of me cringes at the thought of putting myself out there but the other part says, “Grit your teeth, place a smile on your face and let’s go out there and do this!”

However, that is not what I want to talk about here. Sure going out to meet the “maybe” person of your dreams is a turn on but let me tell you, it is not as easy as you think. First, you have to navigate through minefields to get there. There are the good guys who somehow don’t fit the bill for some reason, in my case anyway. Then there are the control freaks whose only skin in the game is to take control of you. They show their true colors sooner or later and they are easy to spot and discard. Then there are the ones who could pass for your son and their mantra is, “Age is just a number!” Stay clear of them. You are not Mrs. Robinson or a member of the Cougar Club! At least, I’m not. Scammers they are aplenty. They lie in wait and suddenly you’re the best looking woman in the world, they’re in love without ever having met you and they want to whisk you away to wonderland and shower you with gifts but the problem with these losers is they’re looking to you to fund their dreams. Stay clear!

The ones I really want to talk about here are the wolves in sheep’s clothing. They come across as the nicest guys on the planet but beware. Things are not always as they seem with this breed. They seem harmless at first and might even appear to be your dream guy or your definition of a dream guy. That’s about where it ends. They are deceitful and often dangerous if things don’t go their way. The signs to look out for are these. Inconsistency is the name of the game for them. They are inconsistent not only with their words but also with actions. They lack empathy meaning they don’t give two hoots about your feelings, that’s the last thing on their minds. They also have a repetitive pattern of dishonesty. Oh and let’s not forget manipulation. They are masters in the art of manipulation.

They do all the right things at the right time. They show interest where interest was lacking before. They do invest a lot of time in you but the end game for these wolves is to get what they want and you don’t matter. They are not easy to decipher clothed in sheep’s clothing but the moment they sense they are not getting what they want, the facade drops and the wolf steps out. Once challenged, they bare their teeth and react in an aggressive manner. Vulnerability is easy to victimize so get strong and arm yourself before you put yourself out there. Don’t be charmed easily, pay attention and look beneath the surface and most of all trust your intuition. It will always get you to where you need to go.

“Be Careful who you Trust. The Devil was once an Angel,” Unknown

Here are some tips to help you along the way:

Take your time. You do not have to rush into anything.

Build your confidence, self-esteem can be daunting and that’s exactly what you need. ”Walk in like God sent you!”

Have very clear objectives. Wishy-washy is not going to do it here. If it’s a NO, then it’s a no.

Be honest about what you want and let it be known from the get go. No beating around the bush here.

Lastly,

Don’t give up!

Have an amazing day.

Yesterday (Archives)

Photo by Susanne Jutzeler, suju-foto on Pexels.com

Someone once said, you are NOT yesterday. True but the stories we tell ourselves, the narratives that we trap ourselves in sometimes tell us that we are. Yesterday does carry some weight because it helps to define who we are today. The memories of yesterday can mold or break us, it can teach us not to do the same things over and over again and more often than not, it gives us the strength to carry on. The truth of the matter is that we cannot rewrite history and we cannot go back and change the outcome of a story that happened and is now done with. Yesterday is just that, it was and is a part of our past and except for the revisits from time to time of well-kept memories, it is nothing more than that. It is a story that is finished, it has taken its final bow or curtain call and so must we by letting it go.

This is what I tell myself on the journey I am on. I can’t keep carrying yesterday on my back or like an albatross around my neck. The load is heavy and it makes me want to stop, turn around and run back to what was familiar even if that familiarity has the power to hurt like hell. The unknown before me is terrifying and anything is better than this right? What’s in front is shrouded in fog, it is dark and foreboding and forging through it takes superhuman effort but the small negative voice within me which at times roars like a waterfall tells me that I can’t do it! Take small steps, one step at a time, you don’t have to know everything, just trust and you will get there says this other shaky voice but there are no other options, moving forward is where I need to go.

Sometimes it is the boundaries we place around ourselves that trap us, that tell us that the imaginary world we live in is so much better than what is waiting out there. Sure it was painful but there was greatness too. It was filled with things I knew and cherished, in one word, it is irreplaceable. The stories we tell ourselves are the fences we place around us. Was yesterday that great? Did we embellish it like a Christmas tree to make it sparkle and shine when the reality is a different story? Do the stories we tell ourselves distort reality and yet it is the truth as we see it or is it because we want to see it that way?

Harold R. Johnson said, “We are all story. We are the stories we are told and we are the stories we tell ourselves. To change our circumstances, we need to change our story: edit it, modify it, or completely rewrite it.”

I don’t want to completely rewrite my past. I want to take the good parts with me, the bad parts I want to thank for teaching me lessons I would not have learned otherwise and the pain? Well, I want to leave that behind where it belongs. Enough tears have been shed, enough wishing that it could have been different has not made it less so and closing the door behind me and moving on is the way to go. The next chapter is waiting and yesterday is done with.

“Forget yesterday – it has already forgotten you. Don’t sweat tomorrow – you haven’t even met. Instead, open your eyes and heart to a truly precious gift – today.” Steve Maraboli

Here’s to yesterday. You taught me lessons I didn’t want to learn but had to accept. You gave me memories I will forever treasure. You made me who I am today and for that I will forever be thankful.

Today is a blank slate.

Have an amazing day.