There are several principles that define how I live my life, but there are four intrinsic values that I adhere to. They are honesty, integrity, empathy and kindness.
These four make up the cornerstone of how I live my life. Honesty is important and I try to be as honest as I can. There are times when the “white lies” creep in but those moments are few and far between. However, those “white lies” do come back to haunt me. I am learning to be more straightforward without being hurtful.
Integrity is a must as far as I am concerned. I stand by what I say and when I promise something, I do it. My word is my bond and it really is with me. It basically means that “a person’s spoken promise is a serious and unbreakable commitment, just like a legal bond.” This signifies the highest level of integrity. I know many people who don’t stand by their word. It seems to be a norm these days but I do stand by what I say and you can count on it.
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It is about walking a mile in someone else’s shoes and it means to understand and consider another person’s feelings and lifestyle without judgment. I try but sometimes I fall short. It is a work in progress.
Kindness is important. I try to be kind, generous, friendly, and considerate to others. It makes for a better world and one act of kindness is all it takes to put a smile on someone’s face when they’re having a bad day or to show them that someone cares.
Those are the principles I live by. There are others but these four are front and center when it comes to defining how I live my life and they help to guide me on the right path and to keep me grounded.
Three women went to Mexico one night, had too much to drink, and woke up the next morning in jail. They were told they would be executed, but none of them could remember what they had done wrong.
The first woman, who had red hair, was strapped into the electric chair. When asked if she had any last words, she said, “I went to Grace University, and I believe that God will protect the innocent.” They pulled the switch, but nothing happened.
Everyone around dropped to their knees, begged for her forgiveness, and let her go.
Next, the second woman, a brunette, was put in the chair. She said, “I went to the Creighton School of Law, and I believe that justice will protect the innocent.” They pulled the switch again, and once more, nothing happened.
Again, the people fell to their knees, asked for her forgiveness, and let her go.
Finally, the last woman, a blonde, was brought in and strapped into the chair. She said, “I graduated from the University of Alabama in Huntsville with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I can tell you right now, this thing isn’t going to work unless you plug it in!”
Each year, it is the same old stuff. When fall rolls around, it is time to turn off the water supply to the garden so that you don’t get frozen pipes that could cause a lot of damage, car inspection to get it ready for winter, check the salt supplies to make sure that I have enough when cold weather rolls around and get my summer clothes bagged up and bring out the winter stuff. There are other things that need to be done but I usually wind up putting them off until I really have no choice!
Just looked at the weather forecast and it says a cold polar blast is going to show its face around here early next week. Temps should be in the minus and that means warmer clothes. I wouldn’t say it’s a mad dash to get my winter clothes together but since I have a lot of them, it means sorting, cleaning and getting it ready. Grrr!!! Not my favorite thing in the world to do.
I’ve got the wash running and getting what I need cleaned and ready. The rest will need to go to the dry cleaners. Yes, a major job and I’m not in the mood for it as I wanted today to be nice and easy. Cuddling with Chachi, the cat, and sipping from the soup I made yesterday to watching something good on TV. Looks like I will be dealing with putting summer away and bringing winter to the forefront. Not to mention the shoes as well. I forgot those. Boots, scarves, socks, gloves, and whatever else is needed to keep me warm and toasty will need to be sorted out as well.
I used to be a clotheshorse. I say, “used to be” but judging from what is coming out of the closets, I still am! The clothes seem to be multiplying right before my very eyes. Oh well, that’s what I have been putting off doing. Now, back to work so that I can meet the new season in style!
You may be saying, but she hangs out in PJs all the time so why the hassle? I ask myself that very same question. Let’s just say, I like having them ready just in case. Chachi is saying, “Not on my watch mommy!”
Photo by Arthur FlyingPenguin Guillemot on Pexels.com
“There is one grand lie – that we are limited. The only limits we have are the limits we believe.” Wayne Dyer
Do you feel smaller than you are or have you made yourself to feel that way? Did one careless word, a disdainful look or one mean retort shrink you down to size? Did you believe those lies willingly? Often, we take those lies thrown in our direction and run with them and we come up with more lies. I am not worthy, I am not enough, I am not equipped to deal with whatever life throws my way and I just can’t! That last one is my mantra. I CAN’T!
YOU ARE LIMITLESS
“The most powerful words in the universe are the words you say to yourself.” Unknown
Be careful of what you say to yourself. Limiting beliefs are just that, they stop you from achieving or moving towards the goals you want to achieve. Words and phrases like, I’m not beautiful, I’m not good enough, I’m not intelligent enough and I’m not worthy enough but perhaps the most damaging is, “I don’t deserve it.” Limiting words stop us in our treks and they stop us from achieving our goals. Be careful of what you tell yourself because YOU ARE LISTENING! Let’s change the narrative and put a positive spin on things.
SAY:
I AM LIMITLESS AND I BELIEVE I AM!
“Your potential is limitless. You are unique, valuable, capable and worthy of the dreams in your heart. Most of all, you have what it takes to transform and transcend whatever challenges you face.” Marie Forleo
YOU, my friend, are limitless. There is a vast limitless potential within you. You have everything within you to soar as high as you want. You have the ability to climb the highest mountain and to make it to the very top. In order to get there, you have to change what you tell yourself because you are made of stronger stuff. YOU can fly if you want to. Change your mindset, do the work and the rest will fall in place.
I think it was when I had my first job during the school holidays. Not sure how old I was, perhaps fifteen. The job was nothing to brag about. I worked in a store as a sales person. It was my first step into feeling like I was doing something productive. The job itself was boring and one thing I knew, I wanted to do better than that.
Anyway, when I got my first paycheck I was over the moon. It was money I had earned on my own and there was pride in that. Okay, it was a paltry sum but back then it felt like a whole lot of money! On my way home, I stopped at a Chinese restaurant and picked up some food to go. I think it was a noodle dish and a stir fry of some sort. Happy as a lark, I made my way home with the food containers tightly in grip and a big smile on my face.
I walked in the door like a grown up. Walking over to the table I placed the containers on the table and declared, “I brought food home.” I think I was glowing from head to toe! Watching my brothers and sisters dig in was something else and when my parents did the same, I felt like a grown up for the very first time.
It was my first grown up experience. However, these days kids are different. My son had everything handed to him and he led a privileged life. Work was nowhere in the picture and when he had to step out in the real world, I thought this is going to be a difficult transition. Well, it was. Amidst the complaints of working for a living and falling flat on his face, he is learning to be a grown up in his own way. Thank God for that!
Daily writing prompt
When was the first time you really felt like a grown up (if ever)?
A woman cheats on her husband after years of happy marriage.
Realizing her mistake, she starts praying to God, “Lord, I know what I did was wrong, but my marriage is the only thing that gives my life purpose and joy. Please, don’t let my husband find out.”
Suddenly, she hears a voice from above. “Okay my child, it will be, but on one condition: years from now, you will die by drowning.”
The woman hesitates at first but then responds, “Alright Lord, if it means he’ll never find out, then so be it.”
The next years of her life are happy and wonderful. She starts a successful business and lives in comfort with her husband, however, she continues to cheat on him many times, having forgotten her conversation with God.
One day, she decides to book herself a vacation on a cruise ship. A few days into the voyage, a loud BOOM rocks the cruise ship, and it starts to sink. Suddenly remembering her agreement with God, she is stuck with grief and begins praying frantically to God again:
“God, you’re not gonna drown an entire cruise ship full of people because of me, right?”
She hears a familiar voice. “Are you kidding me? I’ve been working to gather all you cheaters here for years!”
BOOM! It may take years but it all comes back eventually and HOW!!!
I was listening to Matthew Hussey, a well-known dating coach the other day. What he had to say was mind-blowing if not eye-opening. He pointed out that women fall for the wrong types all the time. He mentioned that quite often the red flags are there, clearly visible but we choose not to see it. Instead of putting a stop right there and then, we walk in with our eyes wide open.
He talked about seven signs that women should pay attention to and if those signs are clear and present, RUN is his advice! I’ve seen some of them myself and like those women he talks about in his podcast, I went in with my eyes wide open and was led to the slaughter willingly!
Here are the 7 signs.
1) I don’t want to hurt you or I don’t want to lead you on.
According to Matthew, he is giving you fair warning that it is exactly what he is about to do, hurt you that is, only he thinks that by being upfront about his intention, it will tamper the pain that is to follow. This line basically gives him the permission to mistreat you but with your consent! The ball is in your court and most women fall for it. He’s also telling you that he is not in it for the long run only for what he can get both emotionally and physically. If he finds someone better, he will leave in a heartbeat! RUN if you hear those words.
2) You deserve better than me.
Instead of saying, “You’re probably right,” we fall for this hook, line and sinker! According to Matthew, this is mental warfare at its best. What happens when you hear that line? You do the opposite and that is what he is counting on. It is manipulation at the smartest level and you can bet your bottom dollar that he has done it before. This opens up the field for him to use, abuse and mistreat you. RUN!
3) I’m not looking for anything serious right now.
Hmm…a good one and this one tells you what you need to know. Instead of running in the opposite direction and never looking back, this one has a certain pull and mystery about it. Let’s dive in and find out. You don’t really want to know because if he is telling you upfront that he is not serious, listen and keep moving. However, if you go in knowing what the outcome will be then you only have yourself to blame right? It is not as simple as that. These loser types know how to play the game, terrible though it might be. He is counting on you to accept what he is putting out there and in a way, he feels that he has been honest but in an insidious way. He is offering NOTHING from the get go. RUN!
4) You knew what this was.
What?!! Come again? The problem with this is that they expect the emotional and physical contact but with no strings attached. They’ll walk in a heartbeat if someone better walks in and it doesn’t matter if you’re holding your broken heart in your hands. It is all about them. The other thing is if it was nothing then they should have kept their emotions and hands to themselves! Try pointing that out to them but there is no winning with this one. He was never serious in the first place and it was all a manipulation tactic played like a pro.
5) I don’t want to ruin our friendship.
Hey buddy, if it was just friendship you should have stopped with the love scam you were pulling! Friendship is one thing and a relationship is another. If there are feelings involved and you played it to the hilt, then it wasn’t just friendship, it was something more. However, these losers are all about themselves so don’t ask them to own up to it. They never will. It’s a cruel game and they know it. RUN!
6) Why do we need to put a label on it?
According to them labels such as “girlfriend” which eventually leads to something more serious is unnecessary in the world they live and operate in. They want to keep it open so that they can walk when the time suits them. Here again, it is all about them. That line is meant to keep his options open. Labels are part of the norm in the normal relationship spectrum of things but as far as these guys are concerned, they march to a different drumbeat, it is one of using, abusing and discarding. RUN!
7) You’re different from other women I’ve dated.
Wow, how poetic! This one sounds like the ultimate compliment but there is deceit involved with this one as well. They hold you up as someone special only to make you complicit in their mistreatment of you. According to Matthew, it is done to hide their emotional unavailability. This tactic is psychologically damaging because you find yourself in a game of not knowing where you stand and that is part of the plan. They’ll keep you guessing as long as you serve a purpose, one of boosting their ego. The cruelty is that you cater to their needs hoping that they will see you as this caring person and they will eventually choose you. The truth is YOU ARE NOT THE ONE! Instead of being honest, they dance around and pull you into the fray disregarding the hurt they will cause when they take off in another direction later on. RUN!
Matthew is quick to point out that not all men are like that. However, speaking from experience, I say there are plenty out there who are. Take it slow, keep your eyes open, observe carefully and if you see any of those signs above, do not hesitate. just do this. RUN!
This is an issue that still grips me today. I used to be against the taking of a life and the death sentence was a no go as far as I was concerned until the day someone took my mother’s life.
My world got turned upside down and at the forefront was the issue of the death sentence. I was so sure that she (the perpetrator) would get the death penalty. I was so wrong but the problem was that I was sitting on the fence wanting it to happen, the death penalty to be handed down, and at the same time I wasn’t so sure. It was a time of deep unrest and turmoil of the worst kind.
I changed from someone who was against capital punishment to someone who thought that “an eye for an eye” was the way to go. Since I couldn’t do it myself, believe me I wanted to, I would let the justice system mete out the punishment. SHE deserved to die for what she had done! That was my rallying cry at the time.
The decision was not in my hands. The verdict was manslaughter to a lesser degree. Outrage? Absolutely. Why? I don’t know. Some technicality, it was said. Anyway, at some point in time while I was raging about the unfairness of it all, I looked in the mirror and saw someone else emerging. A person filled with anger, rage and revenge. I didn’t like what I saw.
I’ve changed my views on the death penalty since then. It’s a matter of survival for me. I needed to let go of the “demon” holding me in its grip. Rage and revenge had no place in my life. My mom is in a better place and so I decided to let it be. Basically, capital punishment does not deter crime but more importantly, the death penalty would not have brought my mom back to life.
I’ve changed my mind and I’m back to where I was in the beginning. No death penalty. One source says that capital punishment “constitutes cruel, inhuman, and degrading punishment, which is prohibited under international human rights standards.” I still ask the question, “Did my mom get the justice she deserved.” The answer is a resounding NO! However, capital punishment would not have made it better either.
Daily writing prompt
What’s a topic or issue about which you’ve changed your mind?
Courage is not being, “fearless.” Courage is shaking at the knees, chocking on your words, heart gripped by uncertainty, but stepping forward on your journey anyway. (Unknown)
That quote right there says it all. Courage doesn’t arrive with grand gestures but in small steps. It means showing up for yourself even if you don’t feel like it. It means getting up in the mornings and saying, “I’m going to try again.” It means staring whatever is holding you back right in the face and daring to take that first small step forward. It means moving towards that mountain top not knowing what is waiting for you there but trusting that it will be better than where you’re at right now.
“Courage isn’t having the strength to go on – it is going on when you don’t have strength.” Napoleon Bonaparte
How often have you thrown up your hands and said, “I give up!” I’ve been there and so have you. However, it is those very moments that call for courage to step up and to put fear in its place. It is easy to run and hide, to not show up for yourself and to wear the mantle of defeat proudly. Moving on becomes heavy and each step forward, sometimes next to impossible. Courage needs practice like anything else in life. It doesn’t happen overnight and neither is it easy. Each time you face defeat as you inevitably will because life is about overcoming obstacles and nothing is going to be made easy and handed to you on a silver platter. The truth of the matter is, it takes work and sometimes hard work to achieve what you want. On your way, you will meet fear (my constant companion) and you will meet defeat. However, you are made of stronger stuff and you, my friend, are capable of showing up, time and time again until one day you are holding the letter “V” in your hands and giving whatever is holding you back a run for the money!
“COURAGE DOESN’T ALWAYS ROAR. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says, “I will try again tomorrow.” Mary Anne Radmacher
Remember practice makes perfect and “courage” in small doses is what it is about. Make a list and start with the smallest thing on that list. Work your way up one step at a time putting fear where it belongs. Good luck on your journey.
I don’t know what brought this on but it seems like I’m grieving all over again. It could be the changing of the season where the days are getting shorter and darkness is coming in earlier and staying longer. Enough time has passed and it should have made it better but there are too many reminders that trigger those memories, ones that I have put aside in order to move on.
Your brother called and he checks in on me not as frequently as he used to do but once in a while. Today was one of those days. He sounded concerned about the test I had gone through and was really relieved that all turned out well. Then he said, “If there is anyone who deserves good things in her life, it is you.” It went straight to my heart but he didn’t see the tears rolling down my face. I got off that phone call and I felt the familiar strains of memories trying to fight their way back in.
Last week, while on my way to the fields, I saw a neighbor and she started up a conversation. It was strange because I never really liked her and we never made small talk before and yet there she was ready to strike up a conversation. It started off about our kids, she has a daughter the same age as my son. Then, it came. “What about …….how is he doing? I always liked him. A nice guy.” So I told her and her face dropped and then she gushed with sadness and condolences. I answered, “Thank you and yes he was a good guy.” Then I went to the fields and you were right there walking beside me, quiet and calm as you always were.
Then for some reason, the Teddy Swims song, “Let Me Love You,” came on and it took me all the way back. It was the third song you sent me and I stopped what I was doing and listened as emotions came rushing back up. Remember, the first Christmas when I invited you over for Christmas Eve dinner and I had my ex there as well? You showed up all dressed up wearing a tie but I could see the nervousness on your face. My ex was shooting daggers at you with his eyes because he felt you were encroaching on his territory but he forgot that he gave it up for a roll in the hay or two with someone who was the spitting image of Olive Oyl, Popeye’s girlfriend or was it his wife? Anyway….
Later, I asked you, “How did it go? Was it ok?”
YOU: “Oh I didn’t mind because I only had eyes for you!”
That one sentence catapulted my self-esteem back to where it should be after having felt “ugly” for months on end when he tossed me aside for everything that moved on two feet! My ex had grown out of his “nerd” phase and was ready to make up for lost time. He took the saying, “Too many women, too little time,” straight to the heart and practiced it religiously!
It has been a hard weekend. Thoughts of you still linger and sometimes it is a song that triggers it or a mere mention of you or just because and I am back to where I shouldn’t be. They say time heals all things but it sure is taking its time.
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