love – Page 4 – Site Title

Your Choice

Happiness is a choice although some may disagree. I feel that it starts from within and works its way out. It is going to take work as with everything else in life that is worth having.

“Happiness is a choice. You can choose to be happy. There’s going to be stress in life, but it’s your choice whether you let it affect you or not.”

Valerie Bertinelli.

If you’re looking at outside factors to validate your existence, if you’re waiting for people to give you what you need to be happy, you’ll be sorely disappointed. Happiness is a choice you make and therein lies the secret of being happy.

It has been said that, “true happiness isn’t a destination, but a way of living….cultivated through intentional practices.” What do you need to be happy? Money? Love? Freedom? Peace? The answer is that it takes all of those things and more. However, there are some key secrets to leading a happy life. They are, “prioritizing positive relationships, practicing gratitude, engaging in meaningful activities, and managing stress effectively.”

These are all good and positive ways you can achieve happiness and to keep it there for a while. However, it is not a switch that you turn on and off. If you want the long-lasting kind of “happiness” you need to make positive choices that help to foster dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and andorphins, the happy hormones. It is something you need to work towards and things like developing resilience, setting intentions and making good choices help to influence “your emotional state and overall well-being.”

“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.” Dalai Lama

It takes time to cultivate. Daily habits of the positive nature help to get you there. Being kind to yourself helps to strengthen that happiness factor and training your mind to stay positive all help to see life not through rose-tinted glasses but for what it is. Work, work and more work!

“Every choice comes with a consequence. Once you make a choice, you must accept responsibility. You cannot escape the consequences of your choices, whether you like them or not.” Roy T. Bennett

One small step at a time and remember that with discomfort comes growth.

Have a “happiness-filled” day!

Mr. Right!

I met up with my girlfriend yesterday. It was our usual weekly meeting to catch up on stuff and to let the conversation take us to where it wants to go. Two cups of coffee and a simple breakfast of eggs, a bread roll and a side salad usually accompanies the meeting.

Yesterday was no different. It started out with small talk and then it did a major U-Turn! The conversation went to men and in particular about Mr. Right. Don’t ask me why but it just did.

“Very few women wait for Mr. Right. Most women take the first and worst Mr. Wrong.” Elfriede Jelinek

Ring any bells? It does with me. Anyway, she was on this path of destruction. According to her, Mr. Right does not exist. I’ll add that’s because in her world, she’s into fun and nothing more. Mr. Right can stay in Africa for all she cares!

I was hanging onto my ideals for dear life. Fun is the last thing on my mind and getting anywhere is next to impossible. She decided to give me a lesson on how to find Mr. Right. Chachi, the cat, tried yesterday but he didn’t get anywhere but I didn’t tell her that.

HER: “You’re doing it all wrong. If you don’t give an inch, you’ll never find him!

ME: “It doesn’t work that way with me.”

HER: “Sure it can. Live a little or rather take that “stick” and send it packing!”

ME: “Can’t. It’s my constant companion.”

HER: “You see what the problem is don’t you? Men like some fun and you’re NO FUN!”

Okay guys, you get the drift. I wanted to point out to her that her method doesn’t work either. She’s always moaning about how the men she dates are the “here today and gone tomorrow,” variety. I wanted to tell her why but decided to keep it to myself. It goes on the lines of, “easy come, easy go.” She was on a rant fest and I let her have her way.

Friends are allowed to rant now and then. I’m allowed to let it go in one ear and out the other. It is exactly what I did. Coming back to Mr. Right, experts say, “the focus should be on building a fulfilling relationship with the person you are with.” Finding the right fit is important and someone who matches your lifestyle is also important. They don’t have to be perfect and imperfections are allowed as well.

“Find a heart that loves you at your worst, and arms that will hold you at your weakest.” Unknown

AND

“When you stop trying to find the right man and start becoming the right woman, the right man will eventually find his way to you.”

Something to bear in mind and as for Chachi and my girlfriend, I do things my way. Unfortunately, you become “dangerous” after being on the path of self-discovery because the wrong ones tend to disappear and the right ones? Well, it will take a little time before they start appearing. One can only hope!

Have an amazing day.

YOU ARE IMPORTANT (Archives)

Quite often, we let the people we interact with on a daily basis, the world around us with its idiosyncrasies and events that happen to us interpret how we feel, how we react and how much worth we give it and if we are important or not in the grand scheme of things. I am guilty as charged.

The Dalai Lama said it best, “Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace.”

Yet we do it time and time again. Just yesterday, a girlfriend broke up with her so called boyfriend. He was for all purposes a NO-GO as far as I am concerned and it was clear for all to see including her but she is in a difficult place nonetheless. Finding out she was “not important” is a devastating cross to bear even if she saw it coming. Yet, this is nothing new. We hand over how important we are in a relationship to the other person and forget in the process that YOU as a person matter and you define how important you are and what you will stand for and what you won’t put up with.

“When you are important to another person, that person will always find a way to make time for you. No excuses, no lies and no broken promises.” Unknown

Relationships are hard enough as it is to navigate without having to deal with the “invisible man,” meaning the guy who says he loves you but when it comes down to showing you that you are important, he shows time and again that YOU are an afterthought and as far as the importance scale goes you are on the bottom rung of the ladder. No guessing game needed here. You will know and it is up to you to put yourself front and center and say, enough is enough!

“You are important and you matter.

Your voice matters.

Your life matters.

Your feelings matter.

Your story matters.

ALWAYS.” Unknown

Let me add to that. You as a person matters and don’t take yourself for granted either.

One Day It Just Clicks

“You realize what’s important and what isn’t. You learn to care less about what other people think of you and more about what you think of yourself.

You realize how far you’ve come and you remember when you thought things were such a mess that you would never recover. And you smile.

You smile because you are truly proud of yourself and the person you’ve fought to become.” Steve Maraboli

Finally,

“Surround yourself with people who are going to lift you higher.” Unknown

You are well worth the effort and don’t let someone show you otherwise. Your worth is determined by you so stand tall and show the world that YOU ARE IMPORTANT.

Have an amazing day.

CAN’T!

I don’t know about many people but I do know that “can’t” is up there on my list of words that jump up and scare the hell out of me!

When it shows up, it means that I have to face something of the unsavory nature and not to my liking. I don’t like a lot of things, I’m a stick in the mud as I have said before but that’s not all. Fear steps in and “can’t” shows up before anything else. I dig my heels in and refuse to budge. Then, I go within and come up with excuses as to why I can’t. Believe me, there are plenty of reasons why and it doesn’t have to make sense either! It’s my tried and true method to fight whatever it is that is causing the problem and to keep changes at bay.

I’ve lived with “can’t” all my life and it has made my life miserable. Things could have been a lot easier if I had looked at the problem like any normal human being would do but instead I take the other route. The crazy route where I sweat bullets and convince myself that I just can’t do what is asked of me.

Making headway into this problem took a long time. My journey of self-discovery has helped but it still crops up when I least expect it. Old habits die hard as they say. Coming back to the Daily Prompt, I do think that there are people out there who have the same problem I do. We just don’t like changes but unfortunately, life is not going to take a “NO” for an answer. Learning to live with what comes your way, accepting the changes and taking small steps to change your perception of things does help. Here’s the thing, most of the problems I thought I couldn’t handle turned out to be the ones that taught me how capable I am of doing exactly that.

Daily writing prompt

What is a word you feel that too many people use?

View all responses

Chachi’s Say!

Waking up early this morning, I had a plan in mind. Breakfast, take out the trash, clean-up a little, put on my sweatpants, t-shirt and head on to where I feel the most comfortable and where my creative juices get to rev up. I did all of that except for the walk. It came to a screeching halt when I took the plastic trash bin out and realized that it was HOT!

I checked the weather forecast and it is going to be hot today. I’m not into sweaty weather so I came back in with another plan in mind. I have an appointment tomorrow so why not look my best. I decided to slater on the new black mask which is supposed to clean out any unwanted stuff on your face. Thirty minutes and your skin can breathe again. Instead of getting started right away, I decided to get lunch going. It was still early but I love to plan everything ahead of time.

On the menu today is stir-fried Chinese style noodles with Bok Choy and minced or ground meat. The sauce is spicy made more so by the addition of Gochuyang Hot Pepper Paste. This is my go to now when I want things spicy. It does the job pretty well and it tastes great. Anyway, I went out to the garden to see if I could add more stuff to the pan. Sure enough, the chilies were ready. They look like Jalapeno peppers so I added one to the pan. The cherry tomatoes were ripe so I added a couple chopped up as well. Looks like it is going to be a good meal.

Then it was back upstairs and I put the mask on. Chachi, the little Munchkin, walked in and immediately took a step back. The look was somewhere between I can’t believe this and yucks!

HIM: “MOM, you need to get a grip on things! This look is not going to do if you want to attract your one and only.”

ME: “What do you know about that? Anyway, you don’t like any of the guys.”

HIM: “No, I don’t like any of them especially the cheesecake guy! I’m glad he is a no show now! Still the sloppy look and now this is an absolute no go.”

ME: “You’re far from an expert.”

HIM: “Back in the day…..”

ME: “Back in the day?!! What day?”

HIM: “I know things and this is not going to do. You look like the creature from the Black Lagoon!”

I picked him up and brought him downstairs and laid him gently in his basket by the window. Look out there, maybe Little Miss Ipanema is out and about. That’s his on and off girlfriend. She is all black with piercing green eyes and she is known as the village beauty amongst other things! She was sitting on the shed sunning herself but her eyes were trained on Chachi.

“I’m going back upstairs to get some peace. Don’t get any ideas about that little thing out there. She’s not for you!”

Just then she turned her eyes on me.

“Hey Chach, your mom’s a B I * * H! You are a pretty boy but that mother of yours looks like she could scare the hell out of anyone!”

That’s it. I’ve decided that she is not a suitable candidate or rather good girlfriend material for my little guy. So dream on about the pretty boy and that’s where it’s going to stay!

Just then, Chachi piped up.

“See I told you so. That look is not taking you anywhere!”

Just the start to another day in Chachi Land!

Have an amazing day.

This Thing Called Love (4)

Archives

We sat across from each other, his gaze direct but hooded and mine trying not to look at the face I knew so well. He looked older, a touch of grey showing at his temples and there is a beard now where there was none before. He is still tall and lanky but a slight pouch is clearly visible. There was a certain sadness emanating from him but I couldn’t put my finger on it.

We talked about the one thing that still binds us. He says, “I’m so proud of him. He’s learning to handle things on his own.” I nod, silence filling the air. Something inside me wanted to scream, “You weren’t there half the time! I was left holding the bag when you took off in search of greener pastures.” Instead, I keep my gaze averted and try desperately to hold on to the strength within. The one I’ve been building brick by brick since he left and I wasn’t about to let his words bring it all down crushing into nothingness. He has that effect on me. Why wouldn’t he? I had been married to him and our life together had lasted 16 years. We had started out as best friends and later when love stepped in, it led to marriage and parenthood. Somewhere along the way, he decided to let it all disintegrate and go up in flames when his EGO decided to step in and he let “arrogance” do the rest.

Staring at me, he asked, “How are you doing?” his voice tinged with concern. And then he said, “I’m not a bad guy.” I felt the tears cloud my eyes but I scrambled to keep my calm facade in place like my life depended on it! I said softly, “I’m fine.” He nodded.

He didn’t know that I had called myself, “damaged goods” when it went down. He didn’t know that I had called myself a bird with clipped wings and that I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror for a long time and neither did he know that the unbearable pain had made me put my heart under lock and key and to throw away the keys! So “I’m fine” doesn’t even begin to address all that I went through.

We continued as two strangers making empty conversation. Once we had talked about everything. Our talks had been filled with warmth, love and laughter but that was a long time ago when “love” meant something and “hurt” was a long ways off.

He uncrossed his long legs looking uncomfortable. We had stopped giving each other the meaningless hugs each time we met. Then he had stopped saying, “I still care about you.” I couldn’t bear hearing it anymore. So it was better this way.

Today, it was all about the boy we had brought into this world. Recently, he has been showing more interest in being a good father and I am thankful. Suddenly, he stood up and stretched as if the stilted conversation between us had drained him. I said, “Take care of him.” He answered softly, “I will.”

I walked him to the door and stepping outside, the fresh air felt good. He turned and looked at me again, his eyes speaking volumes. Something within me wanted to jump over the fence I had placed around myself and to say, “Take care of yourself.” I felt this prickling of sympathy for someone who had lost his way and I wanted him to know, “It was going to be alright.” I couldn’t. Smiling a weak smile, I closed the door behind me.

This thing called love is something I will never understand for as long as I live. I know it has the tendency to turn your world upside down and to take you on a roller coaster ride but “ordinary” it is not. Sometimes it walks in silently and has you in its grip and at other times it dies a sudden death and you don’t know why. They say love makes the world go around, it does, but it is also a conundrum and sometimes it is better left alone but when has that stopped us from approaching it throwing caution to the winds. Some loves are forever, some loves are too hard to bear, some loves break your heart in pieces and some “loves” are better left alone.

Emotional Deja Vu

It is described as, “a feeling of intense familiarity and strong emotions associated with a new experience.” Even though the experience is a new one, the “been there, done that” feeling creeps in and it can bring either dread or joy.

I think we’ve all been there, at some point in our lives, finding ourselves on the same rollercoaster ride time and time again. The same bad experiences keep popping up and no matter how hard we try, we come back to Square 1 before we take off again, back on that rollercoaster with another person who just happens to be the same type you left behind but in a different body!

Have you asked yourself why?

One source says it’s because those “old wounds” haven’t healed and you’re carrying them around like an albatross around your neck. It could be coming from an old relationship that didn’t work out, some trauma that happened along the way which showed you that you are not enough or it could go all the way back to your childhood where you learned that you have to perform and work for everything including relationships.

You make yourself small to fit in. You put up with disrespect. You make do with the blatant lies hoping he’ll change but he never does. You accept crumbs when you should have the whole feast!

You need to stop attracting and accepting low-value men. They are the ones who don’t think twice about cheating on you because they know that whatever they do, you’ll go along for the ride. You will try harder because in your book, love is about conforming to what is asked of you not of being accepted on equal terms. You hang on their every word like a puppy dog and you wait for their validation which never comes. You eat up everything they feed you including the BS! You’re willing to give their “ego” an additional boost by placing a halo on their head, one you’ve decided they deserve. Why? It’s because you find yourself lacking in one way or another. And so the cycle continues.

High-value men do not play games and they are not EMOTIONALLY CONSTIPATED either! They know how to treat a woman right and they are willing to meet you halfway with love, respect and common decency.

How do you break this pattern of attracting what you are used to and the one your heart knows well?

Break the programming! Something in your past has tattooed this message into your being. “I’m not worthy and I don’t deserve better!” You seek what is familiar to you, the hurts, the pain, the knowing, the red flags. You take it all in and are even comfortable with them. It is what you know best. If you don’t break this cycle, it is emotional deja vu over and over again.

Work on knowing the patterns that get you there. Take time out to find out what you want and be honest about it. Know that you’ll feel lonely having to walk it alone for a while. It is needed.

Remember this:

“You’re a first place girl…..not a “just incase girl!”

AND

“An amazing thing happens when you stop seeking approval and validation: You find it. People are naturally drawn like magnets to those who know who they are and cannot be shaken!”

SO HERE YOU GO!

Know who you are, know your self-worth, don’t settle for anything less and in time those rollercoaster rides will fizzle out. The one who’s meant for you will find you, this time to stay because YOU know exactly what you want and you are no longer settling for anything less than that!

Have an amazing day.

This Thing Called Love (3)

Archives

We know that love is elusive. We also know that it morphs and changes shape and just when you think you’ve found the one and only, it goes and shows you something different.

If you’ve got both feet firmly planted in the dating scene, you’re bound to meet one of the following types who give love a bad name sooner than later.

The Egoist

This guy is full of himself. Good looks are his calling card and he thinks the world revolves around him or rather he has women swooning at his feet. Well, the truth is they are at his beck and call because in a world where looks matter, he’s all the rage. However, peel away the outer layer and you’ll find more often than not that he’s sorely lacking in a couple of very important aspects. Sometimes looks disguise what is not there. If you’re a smart woman, it takes but a couple of dates to find out that the man of your dreams has an empty shell. If you’re looking for intelligent conversation and looking to hang on to his every word, THIS GUY IS NOT IT! Move on.

Mr. Trigger-Happy

This type may seem to have it all at first glance but that is where it ends. Give him a little time and some rope and he’ll gladly hang himself! All it takes with this dude to show his true self is to have a normal conversation, well what others might call normal but with this guy it’s like playing the Russian roulette. You’ll never know what rubbed him up the wrong way because everything does! He’s just waiting to unload all the years of repressed anger he’s held back and BOOM he’s off and running. Mostly not in your direction because he’s looking for someone to blame for all his problems. Love is the last thing on his mind. RUN and don’t look back!

The Conundrum

This guy is a headache and a half. He walks in like a hurricane, falls like a ton of bricks and is talking the “M” word before the first date is over! You’ll be wondering what hit you! Certainly not love but a corrupted form of something else. He’ll look into your eyes and ask, “Why don’t I see sparkles in them?” Or he’ll want to stick to you like glue and you can only take a breath until he does! If you’re looking for the nice, easy, relaxing type of love, it’s not with him. It’ll only get worse so move on and keep on walking and don’t look back!

Mr. Past & Present

Okay, this is one to watch out for. He has one foot firmly planted in the past. I mean it is cemented to the past. However, he is looking to connect with someone in the present. You’ll find he is either hung up on his dead wife, a past love or just about anything in the PAST as an excuse as to why he can’t fall in love again but if it comes to doing everything else he is willing and ready. Bring up the “M” word and he’s off and running. Scary? It is. Tread carefully because his true self doesn’t show up until you’re fully in and just when you think things are going great and there’s a future, he’ll pull the rug from under your feet. You’ll be left asking, what happened? It’s not you, it’s him. Move with caution or better still RUN!

This thing called love is impossible at times and at other times, it takes a lot of work to land what you’re looking for. Unfortunately, you’ll have to fall a few times, pick yourself back up, kiss more than a few frogs, dance the Tango with those I mentioned above, and when the clock strikes 12, be thankful that you survived to live another day.

“Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.” Joan Crawford

With that in mind, proceed with caution and always with your eyes wide open and tell your heart to sit this one out until you’ve got it down pat. Getting it down to a science is next to impossible but arming yourself with the knowledge to outplay some of the no good types out there is a must!

Have an amazing day.

My Alternate Universe

I would go back and change everything! Starting with the night I met my two-timing ex! What started out as a chance meeting at a dance at the university and later morphed into something more was a big mistake. I would erase all of that.

How far would you go for love? It’s a question that is asked in certain circles and it’s a question many ponder over when in love with someone a continent away. Some are brave enough to throw caution to the winds because “love” is all that matters. It did at the time. I gave up everything and moved to Europe thinking I had “forever” in my pocket. It didn’t turn out that way.

There are many hurdles to cross when you move to a non-English speaking country. First, comes the meeting up with the culture and the customs at close range along with a feeling of being like a duck out of water all the time. In my case, I had to raise a child in an atmosphere of, “We know everything better!” Team it with a husband who was never there because he was on business trips all the time and you get the picture. I learned what unhappiness was and with a mother-in-law from hell in tow, my life became something else.

Here’s the thing. In my alternate universe, I would be in America and with someone else. Someone who has character and is noble enough to stand beside his wife which was sorely lacking in more ways than one.

My advice to someone contemplating a move to somewhere faraway, make sure you have a backup plan when it goes down south. Luckily, I was able to survive what came my way, and this is home now because my son feels more at home here and considers himself European as well.

If I get to do it all over again, my alternate universe would be a lot more different than what my reality is and peace would reign supreme!

Daily writing prompt

Describe your life in an alternate universe.

View all responses

A Sunday Like Any Other

I had made plans to be productive today. It didn’t matter if it was Sunday, a time for rest and relaxation. I was dead set on doing something and that something was to clean out my office area, get rid of the massive amounts of paperwork taking up space in every corner of the room and to discard as much of the unwanted stuff as possible. The plan was put in place last night.

Around 6 o’clock yesterday evening, I had this bright idea of bringing everything up to date and looking at what was staring back at me, I knew it would take all day Sunday to get it done. I looked at Chachi, the cat, and got to work. The poor guy didn’t know what was going on, just that changes were coming! He gave me one of his, “She’s at it again! No peace here and I’m at my wit’s end!” kind of look. He watched as I carried massive amounts of paperwork into the bedroom and set them on the floor. I made three huge piles. Then I moved the shredder into the bedroom as well. He gave me another look and inspected everything carefully. I could tell he wasn’t happy because he got jumpy. I stroked his forehead to assure him that all was well, nothing to worry about. Just his mom and her crazy ideas!

Then I got to work. I shredded some papers and then got tired of it. I just tore them apart and tossed them in a bag. The bag was getting full and I hadn’t even started yet! The piles of paper looked the same and nothing seemed to be getting less! I was getting frustrated at this point so I called it a night and left everything as is and ready to tackle it on Sunday. Chachi was restless for most of the night and if I moved a little in bed, he jumped off and went under the bed! He is a real scaredy cat!

Sunday dawned bright and early and I was up early even before the birds were! Okay, first breakfast, shower, get back into a fresh pair of PJs and hit the road running. I tried, believe me I tried. I had to make sure I wasn’t shredding stuff that was needed so it was a painstaking process of going through each piece of paperwork and making piles again! Toss! Keep! Maybe or rather I don’t know! God, Sundays are not made for this kind of BS! There is a reason why Sundays are rest days. Well, I knew that but “ambition” got in the way and now I’m stuck. Chachi, eyed me suspiciously with his, “I told you so,” look.

Close to lunchtime, I carried the piles of paperwork back into the office area, found a space for them and promised I’ll get to them when I was in a better mood. They whispered back, “We don’t care! Just leave us alone!” Chachi, the cat, jumped off the bed and walked into the office and looked back at me, his big eyes speaking volumes. “Sometimes your eyes are bigger than what you’re capable of doing! I’m worn out. I’m going to go take a nap!”

So folks, that’s my Sunday so far. The office is till messy but who cares! I’m going downstairs to make some banana muffins because the cheesecake is screaming at me to come get some and my mind, the one that takes care of me is saying, “Don’t you dare!” Banana muffins are healthier so that’s it for today AND watching ghost or horror movies. I just love spooking myself and doing nothing!