love – Page 9 – Site Title

This Thing Called Love (4)

THE HUNTER:

I’ve written about the different types of men you’ll encounter on dating portals in several of my posts. The narcissists, the players, the control freaks, the users, the sugar daddies and such, but there is one more and I call him the hunter.

Someone who uses the “hunter” behavior is proactive in starting relationships. If they are interested in you, they’ll initiate the chase. Their goal is to win over their potential prey and they’ll go to great lengths to make sure it happens. They’ll use everything in their arsenal and this includes nice dinners, gifts, flowers, sweet nothings whispered in your ear and making you feel like you’re the best thing since sliced bread!

However, this type also sees “dating” as a game or a challenge. They’re not interested in the real you or in building a deep, lasting connection. You’re nothing more than the pursued to the pursuer. It is all about the excitement of the “hunt.” The initial attraction may take off in leaps and bounds until you become the prize. However, if you’re looking for “forevers,” this guy is not it. He prefers the chase, bagging the prize and when he’s had enough and hears the call of the wild again, he’s off and running to his next victim.

The problem is you don’t matter to the hunter. It’s a game and breaking a heart or two along the way is not going to be a stumbling block for him. All it takes is another woman walking in and one who blinks in his direction and he sees HOPE. Hope of another conquest, hope of the excitement of the chase and hopes that that first kiss will send his adrenaline sky-rocketing. If you’re in such a relationship, let the loser go. Heartbreaking? It is.

Leave the “hunters” to their own viles and look for someone who sees you as a person and not just as a prey!

I think this quote below explains it well.

Ladies, if you have to ask a man, “So what are we?” or “Where is this relationship going?” The answer is nowhere.

Men by nature are hunters and go for what they want. If he wanted you to be his wife, he would have proposed.

If he wanted you to be his lady, he would have asked you.

Men go hard for what they truly want. If he is not going hard for you, you are not what he wants.

Unfortunately, this thing is also called love but it definitely is not the right kind of love. Keep that in mind the next time you meet one of these guys with their pistols cocked! Tell them to take a hike from the get go.

Have an amazing day.

RUMI (Archives)

Jalal al-Din Rumi was a 13th century poet. He was born in Afghanistan and he was a Sufi mystic whose poetry embraces themes of “overcoming fear and persevering through challenges.” He speaks of finding strength in vulnerability and to be grateful for whatever comes. I find courage and beauty in his words and it touches my soul AND his words are one of great wisdom.

“Stop acting so small. You are the universe in ecstatic motion.”

I do act small when first faced with adversity but it is only a matter of time before I rise again knowing that I can deal with this too.

“I want to sing like the birds sing, not worrying about who hears or what they think.”

This one speaks to who I am, I am one with nature and I find freedom with the animals and the bird life and often I want to sing like I used to as a young child not caring who listens or who is watching. I do that with my writing too.

“If everything around you seems dark, look again, you may be the LIGHT.”

Simply beautiful and when darkness surrounds seeing the light in you doesn’t seem like a bad thing to me.

“The wound is the place where the light enters you.”

This one tugged at my heart when I first saw it. My first thought, I don’t feel the light but he is speaking of another kind of light, the kind that teaches and heals.

“The moment you accept what troubles you’ve been given, the door will open.”

Moving on requires acceptance and that is precisely the point here. Done that many times over.

“When you go through a hard period, when everything seems to oppose you, when you feel you cannot even bear one more minute, NEVER GIVE UP! Because it is the time and place that the course will divert!”

I guess you have to hit ground zero before life turns around. Can we make it a little easier please?

“Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.”

This one makes grieving a little less painful, at least it did for me.

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today, I am wise, so I am changing myself.”

This last one is so poetic. Yes I wanted to change the world, I still do but nowadays it is more about changing “me” first.

Have an amazing day.

Settling for Less

“Never settle for less than you desire or deserve because when you accept crumbs people will assume that you will be happy with scraps.” @StacyBranche

Women do this more than men do. Perhaps it’s because we want to feel wanted at any cost and even if that person isn’t who we want, we see it, we feel it deep within and we know that he isn’t the right one, but when “settling” walks in we accept what we normally wouldn’t only to find ourselves in an unhappy relationship.

“If you put someone at the top of your priority list and they put you at the bottom of theirs, maybe it’s time to get out the eraser.” Susan Gale

I love this quote from Susan Gale. That eraser doesn’t see the light of day because we’re so busy making sure that the person who takes us for granted and always puts us at the bottom of their list gets treated like royalty.

Settling for less is defined as, “accepting something or someone that is below your desired or expected standard.” It also equates to staying with a partner who doesn’t fully meet your needs or with whom you’re not truly happy.” Knowing that, why are we so quick at wanting to settle for less?

Some reasons, according to experts, is that we are afraid of being alone, low self-esteem and consistently making concessions, where one partner concedes and accepts while the other doesn’t reciprocate or meet their needs.

When you settle for less you’ll find yourself in a backburner relationship which means, “they’ll keep you around their orbits because they want to be with you – but at their convenience.” They’ll come up with excuses such as, “I’m not ready for commitment yet,” or “they’re working on themselves,” and the classic which goes like this. “Just not now.” That’s where this next quote fits in perfectly.

“Don’t settle. Either they will wake up to the fact that you are worth more…… or you will.” Charles J. Orlando

Know that you’re worth so much more than what you’re willing to settle for. If he’s a loser, let him go. If he’s a procrastinator, definitely let him go and if he’s an a**, run and don’t look back! You deserve better and definitely don’t make yourself into a mouse because the cat will eat you!

“There is no passion to be found playing small – in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.” Nelson Mandela

Aim high and reach for the stars because YOU deserve only the best. You belong in the winner’s circle so act like you’re already there and show the losers the door with no hesitation whatsoever. Something better is on the way.

“Sometimes the hardest part of being a great catch is accepting not everyone’s hands are strong enough to hold you.” Unknown

Keep that in mind and have an amazing day.

Chachi’s Continuing Saga

Perhaps I spoke too soon yesterday. Chachi, the cat, was doing fine earlier in the day but he took a turn for the worse later. When evening rolled around, he was looking lethargic again even though he had slept most of the day away and his eyes didn’t have the brightness they usually have.

There was no constant meowing and he was eating and drinking like he usually does. However, something seemed off and when he took to hiding under the bed, alarm bells started going off. Still, I held my calm and tried not to panic. It was hard not to do. I tried talking to him but he was quiet. Later in the evening, he walked out and after eating some food, he jumped on the bed. Holding him close, I whispered softly that all will be well. He purred and fell asleep. I made a mental note to clean under the bed. The dust bunnies have gathered and they’ve made that space their party central!

We had a goodnight’s sleep and I slept longer than usual. Wakeup time, according to Little Macho is 5:30 a.m., but this morning, I only woke up at 7 a.m., not for lack of trying from Chachi’s end!

However, I noticed that he was up and about and going about his business. When he heard the slight movement from the human, he came running and looking up, he went, “GET UP ALREADY!” He was back and his eyes looked bright and his walk was full of energy. We headed downstairs with the little macho leading the way. While making breakfast, I noticed he was running up and down the stairs like a mad cat!

ME: “You feeling better Chachi?”

He stops and winks, one slow and two fast winks and takes off again, this time to the cellar. It was quiet for a while so I headed downstairs and noticed that the runner was all bunched up. He does that all the time. Then I saw him sitting in the corner getting ready to pounce on something. It was a tiny little spider that he had cornered and had in his sight. It stood no chance against the seasoned hunter. I quickly picked it up with a tissue and flushed it down the toilet!

ME: “Stop eating creepy crawlies! You’ve probably messed up your stomach eating one of these things.”

Summer and winter brings in the occasional fly, spiders and such so nothing new there.

HIM: “You’re a party pooper mommy!” Just because you have no FUN doesn’t mean I can’t have mine!”

He’s right, mom is a stick in the mud and “FUN” is not part of her lifestyle right now but I wasn’t going to let this little snort tell me that. So I shooed him up the stairs and said, “I’m going to clean under the bed after breakfast!”

He stopped, turned around and went, “NO! NO! NO!”

ME: “Why not?”

HIM: “I’ve got STUFF!”

ME: “What stuff?”

HIM: “Boy stuff!”

ME: “What do you mean boy stuff? May I remind you that you’re not a ……”

I stopped mid-sentence knowing full well that he’s right. He’s a little boy in my mind and whatever “boy stuff” he’s talking about, I really didn’t want to know!

So I ran a wet mop under the bed to clear the dust bunnies who put up a fight as well as the little macho stood watching me. Whatever else was there I left as is. Some secrets are better left alone.

The royal pain in the you know what is running around caught up in his world of make-believe and I’m happy that he’s happy. He’s doing much better and I hope it stays that way. Fingers crossed!

Have an amazing day.

Einstein’s Bout with the Unknown (Update)

He is back to his normal self and this morning started really early with him tapping my head to get me out of bed! Then followed, “MOMMY!!” It was a signal that all was well again and he was raring to go. The little motorized mouse wasn’t moving anymore but that’s par for the course. Little Einstein plays rough and he has this passive-aggressive thing going. The mouse looks fine but psychologically, I can’t vouch for it!

The little guy in the fur coat hasn’t been feeling well for a few days. It could be the heatwave or the thunderstorms that followed but Little Einstein looks like he has had it up to here, if you know what I mean.

He’s been moping around and energetic he is not. His whole demeanor speaks of someone who has had a tough few days. Mom had to step in and with the help of Google, I’ve tried soups to soothe an upset stomach, thick green paste especially for gastrointestinal problems and lots of water but all to no avail. They only helped for a day or two.

So I brought home a little friend. I thought that would cheer him up. A motorized little mouse, cute as a button, that had his tail wagging for a while and then he slapped it down with one paw and that was the end of that. This morning I woke up to find his toy basket overturned and all his stuffed toys on the floor along with the stuffing!

ME: “Did you have a party last night Chachi?!! It must have been a wild one.”

A snort and a Garfield stare later, he goes, “I have nothing to say!”

I tried a different ploy. I got some stomach oil from the pet store. A few drops in his food and it should do the trick of getting him on the mend again. He’s not called Little Einstein for nothing! The food is still sitting there untouched and each time he goes past it, he makes “burying” motions with his paws and looks up at me!

If things don’t get better, a vet’s visit will be next. I’m not looking forward to that so I’ll try lots of kisses, hugs, attention and cuddles to see if I can cheer the little fella up. The white flag is up and tonight he gets his favorite tuna with nothing mixed in! The things I do for the four-legged baby short of standing on my head and doing circus tricks!

He’s worth it!

Have an amazing day.

Einstein’s Bout with the Unknown

ME: “Did you have a party last night Chachi?!! It must have been a wild one.”

A snort and a Garfield stare later, he goes, “I have nothing to say!”

He’s worth it!

Have an amazing day.

A Long Night

I had prepared for a peaceful night but it didn’t turn out that way. Sometimes things don’t go as planned. We had a really hot day here yesterday and everything was starting to feel sticky including yours truly. I had my evening shower as usual. donned my BIG t-shirt and was feeling pretty good when I heard Chachi, the cat gagging. It was a low sound but one I had heard many times before.

I waited and listened instead of running out there to see what was wrong. It’s my new way of handling things. I’ve put my “helicopter” away and I’m learning not to jump at everything that comes my way and to offer assistance right away. My two boys, my Chachi and my son, are learning that mom is taking a step back and not jumping at every little thing, but it is a hard thing to do from my end.

Anyway, after a few minutes Chachi walked into the room, his face a little drawn and his “macho pants” nowhere to be seen. He meowed softly and looked at me with a look I didn’t understand. Picking him up and walking out to the landing I noticed a puddle of vomit on the floor. He felt warm to the touch as well but I put it down to the heatwave we’ve been having. Suddenly, he made those weird noises again, jumped out of my arms and threw up again. Alarm bells started going off. I wear many hats but the “mom hat” is one I take very seriously. It was time to get the big guns out, I reached for my iPhone and started Googling! I usually have everything at my fingertips where Google is concerned and sure enough, it told me what to do and then to watch how the situation progresses.

I put out lots of water in case he was dehydrated. I also put out a bowl with some soup, cat soup, for moments like this. He sniffed it and looked at me with a look that said: “Are you kidding me?!! I’m not touching that thing with a ten foot pole!” So that was a no go. Then I realized I had something that would settle an upset stomach. A tube that contained some thick green paste and it helps with gastrointestinal problems as well. Cat stuff again. I gave him some of that and he took it without a struggle. Then he went missing! Finally I found him under the bed. Another clear signal that he wasn’t feeling well according to Google.

After an hour or two, he crawled out and headed straight to his food. He ate the wet stuff but not the soup. Then he went to use the toilet and came back in looking a tad better. I decided it was cuddle time so we cuddled and he went quiet and then the snoring started! I stayed up listening to that sound and the soft heaving of his stomach and kept my fingers crossed that all was well in his world again.

This morning, he woke me up at 5:30 a.m. and was ready to go. Time doesn’t matter in his world, it’s all the same to him. He seems to be none the worse for wear and whatever was bugging him has taken a hike. I hope it stays that way for the rest of the day and “mommy” can get some well-deserved rest!

Have an amazing day.

Empathy

It is defined as, “the ability to sense other people’s emotions, coupled with the ability to imagine what someone else might be thinking or feeling.”

An empath has the ability to truly understand other people’s feelings, however a narcissist, on the other hand, is only able to show empathy when they feel in control and their self-esteem is enhanced but since they are masters at exploitation, it is more likely they show no empathy at all. Not everyone is capable of being empathetic but that doesn’t mean you are narcissistic, just that it’s hard to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes.

“Empathy is seeing with the eyes of another, listening with the ears of another and feeling with the heart of another.” Alfred Adler

There are conflicting thoughts on whether empathy is a learned or a genetic trait. Some experts say it is “something we develop over time and in relationship to our social environment while others feel that it is “something we develop through our upbringing and life experiences – it is also partly inherited.” Then again there are those who say that in 95% of people, it is a learned trait like other human traits such as respect, kindness and honesty.

Whatever the case maybe, I feel it is hard to have proper connections if you lack this all important trait. I’ve met many people who totally lacked empathy and they came across as cold and stone-hearted individuals. They let nothing pierce the armor they wore and it was hard to tell if that was part of their DNA or a facade they wore to protect themselves from showing their vulnerable side.

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” Leo Buscaglia

Empathy is a lost art these days. In a world where we spend most of our time hooked to our gadgets be it an iPhone, cell phones, computers or social media, feeling with our hearts is next to impossible when everything is done with a swipe of one thing or another. When was the last time you really paid attention to someone close? When was the last time you really looked at a stranger and made eye contact? Or when was the last time you stepped into their shoes to experience what they were going through? Empathy is needed in a world where most things are superficial and going heart-deep is a really difficult thing to do.

This message came through when I met my girlfriend, the one who is never on time, for our usual breakfast meet. This time around it wasn’t centered around small talk, instead we had a heart to heart. She had suffered a stroke two years ago and her face droops on one side. She said, “I wish there is something I can do about it,” in a sad voice. It went straight to my heart. I felt her pain as I listened and let her talk. When she finished, I could see that the “listening” had helped. Her voice sounded lighter.

This is Empathy: Let me hold the door for you. I may have never walked a mile in your shoes, but I can see that your soles are worn and your strength is torn under the weight of a story I have never lived before. So let me hold the door for you. After all you’ve walked through, it’s the least I can do.” Morgan Harper Nichols

LET ME HOLD THE DOOR FOR YOU. Sometimes that is all it takes to walk that journey, to feel what someone is going through and to say, let me hold the door for you.

Have an amazing day.

One Favorite Moment

Photo by Jean-Daniel Francoeur on Pexels.com

It’s hard to say since I have so many of them. Beautiful sunsets, walks on the beach in different countries, the birth of my son, the first time he called me mommy and so many more. All hold a special place in my heart and will stay there forever as special or favorite moments. However, there is one moment that has never tarnished and remains as clear as day even after so many years.

It was my first kiss. Did I get your attention? A love story? It was. I was 21 when I got my first kiss. What? Try living a normal life in a very strict Christian family. Mom used to say, “I have eyes at the back of my head and I can see everything you’re up to.” That put the fear of the devil in me, that and the fact that I was saving myself for marriage.

Anyway, he walked into my life and I was a goner! He was tall and handsome with piercing green eyes. Half Algerian and half French. Yes, quite a combination. If that wasn’t enough, he was a pilot, a captain no less. The fact that he was as old as my dad didn’t matter. Nothing mattered anymore. He didn’t see the sign plastered across my forehead either that said, “Saving myself for marriage.” He was a seasoned playboy. The two do not mix. Anyway, the first time I saw him in uniform I held up the, “I am in love!” flag. I didn’t know what it meant only that he was beautiful to look at and he made my breath catch in my throat! Looks mattered back then.

Our first date was fantastic. We had eyes only for each other. Then we took a walk on the beach and with a thousand or a million stars shining above and….wait for it….he kissed me. I felt like I was drowning, dying, flying and everything in between! I was putty in his hands but he sensed something and asked, “Your first kiss? Unbelievable.” It was a long walk back to the car but something was changing within me. It wasn’t just a moment, it was a new beginning. One that I have never forgotten.

What happened to him? We dated but like I said earlier, playboy and an innocent do not mix. I held on to my beliefs and he couldn’t change who he was. We went our separate ways. However, my first kiss was one of my favorite moments of a lifetime. I stayed up there for three days after that kiss. Just flying around in heaven somewhere!

Daily writing prompt

Describe one of your favorite moments.

View all responses

BE YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND (Archives)

“Best Friends (circa 1910) Fred” by Museum of New Zealand/ CC0 1.0

“When you are your own best friend, you don’t endlessly seek out relationships, friendships, and validation from the wrong sources because you realize that the only approval and validation you need is your own.” Mandy Hale

How often have you looked to others for validation, to lift you up, to make you feel important, to give their approval and to make you feel loved? I know I have and I have found myself wallowing in self-pity or even questioning my self-worth as a person. I am learning that loving yourself comes first. YOU are important, what you tell yourself is important. Be kind and gentle here because the way you talk to yourself is important. Work on yourself, it is the key element to get you out of the rut. What rut? The stuck in the mud rut. Your goal is to get you moving to a better life and to feel comfortable with yourself.

Invest in Yourself

This may sound like a new concept because we spend a lot of our energy and money in so many materialistic things but in our rush to please ourselves, we forget the all-important person who is left wanting. Invest in time spent with yourself, this doesn’t take much but dedication. A walk in nature to nurture your soul, meditation to look inwards and find peace, working out to bolster your health or even spend time talking to yourself. If you have the means, pamper yourself. Go for a massage, get a facial, get a manicure or a pedicure, and no it doesn’t mean you are vain. It just means you are putting yourself first and showing love to the person who matters the most and that is YOU.

Invest in your Environment

Your home is your castle? Work to make it that way. Spruce up your garden, plant flowers that give you joy when they bloom and fill your space with color. Redo your living area and or your bedroom and add things to make you feel comfortable. Make it a place you love spending time in and love coming back to but most of all, a place where you can relax and pamper your soul.

Get Rid of the Unwanted

This is hard. If you want to be your own best friend, you need to make space for the important things. Get rid of the things that bog you down, the people who make you question who you are because they are in a bad place in their lives. If their only goal in life is to bring you down to their level of despair, let them go! Sometimes getting rid of the unwanted makes room for what is needed. New friends, love, laughter, joy and peace.

Say this to yourself and mean it.

“You are hands down, my favorite person.” Unknown

Being your own best friend takes time as it is with everything that matters. Be forgiving, speak softly and lovingly to yourself, encourage yourself, love yourself and work towards looking in the mirror and loving the person staring back at you. Be your own validation and life will get easier.

How to be your own best friend:

“Look in the mirror and give yourself a high-five.

Ask yourself often, “how are you feeling?”

Cry when you need to.

Give yourself a hug.

Forgive yourself for going back to old patterns and behaviors.

Encourage yourself with words you would use to encourage a friend.” Unknown

Good luck and I am on the self-same journey. See you on the other side.

Have an amazing day.