mindset – Page 10 – Site Title

Love Lessons

Love as we know has many facets. It is not a one size fits all kind of thing. There is the love between a parent and child, there is the love between a pet and its owner, there is the love of material things but nothing is as powerful as the love that shows up and turns your world on its head and you don’t know if you’re coming or going. It is the kind of love that comes and touches your heart, sends your blood pumping and you are left wondering what happened?

However, this love between a man and woman has its ups and downs. Sometimes it goes smoothly and sometimes when you least expect it, you get the rug pulled out from under your feet. There is the kind that shows up and you are head over heels and the kind that doesn’t get the same response from the other person. There is the kind that takes you for a ride, the kind that breaks your heart into a thousand pieces and hurt becomes a part of loving. There is the kind that loves to play games and the kind that doesn’t give a hoot about your feelings. It is all part and parcel of this thing called love. If you are lucky, you find someone who looks at you and you’re IT and then there is the kind that does circles around you and keeps you guessing.

Different kinds of love but it has one thing in common. Love is powerful and it has the ability to turn an ordinary person into someone extraordinary or leaves you gasping for air. Love lessons they are aplenty and since I’m in this, “What is love really about?” mood, here are some quotes that speak to the heart of the matter.

“Some people teach you what love feels like. Others teach you what love is not. Both shape how you protect your heart.” Unknown

Been there, done that and there is truth in that quote.

“I don’t walk away to teach people a lesson, I walk away because I learned mine.” Unknown

Done this one too. Believe me, the walking away gets easier as time goes along.

Spend your time on those who LOVE you unconditionally. Don’t waste it on those who only love you when the conditions are right for them.” Unknown

Listen carefully to this one. When you are not the priority, leave! No point hanging around.

“Not all love lasts, but the lessons love brings to us do.” Mandy Hale

The absolute truth. Learn from the lessons and let go of the rest.

“Sometimes life sends us people who don’t love us enough, to remind us of what we’re worthy of.” Mandy Hale

This is painful but it is a lesson that has to be learned. You are worthy of real love and not the wishy washy kind. Pay attention to what is shown and take the right path. It is not going to be easy but worthiness comes from knowing who you are and what you will stand for. It demands courage as well to shut the door and to move on.

“Never chase love, affection, or attention. If it isn’t given freely by another person, it isn’t worth having.” Unknown

Quite often we do the chase or the dance or whatever name you give it but you know what I mean. Chasing love, affection, or attention quite often brings the opposite. Don’t chase, let it go and see what happens.

“Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives put us directly on the path to the best things that will ever happen to us.” Nicole Reed

I think this one works on the same principle as karma does. Someone does something bad to you and if you believe in karma, I do, you know that at some point they will get their comeuppance. When? That’s the problem. There is no date or time given, just that it will take place at some point and you have to believe that it will. So when will good things start happening. Same thing. Wait for it and sooner or later it will happen. No fun? Yes, well, life moves to a different beat and all in good time because you have to learn before you reap the benefits, I suppose.

Enough about love? One last thing, love is many-faceted and it has its mysteries but one thing is for sure, WE CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT IT!!

Have an amazing day and I hope the right kind of love finds you.

Victim

A victim is defined as “a person harmed, injured, or killed as a result of a crime, accident, or other event or action or it could be “a person who is tricked or duped,” or “a person who has come to feel helpless and passive in the face of misfortune or ill-treatment.”

Which are you? Where do you fit in the victim modus because if you’re a victim you will identify with one or the other of the descriptions above. I relate to the last two.

“You only get to be a victim once. After that, you’re a volunteer.” Unknown

I’m not quite sure that I fully agree with that sentiment. I’ve been a victim many times over and each time I tell myself I’ll do better the next time around but when the next time rolls around as it inevitably does, I get dragged in to the same outcomes. Basically, pain, disbelief and anger. Does this mean that I’m ‘volunteering’ to relive victimhood over and over again. Or does it mean that I didn’t learn what not to do the first time around and haven’t learned from my mistakes? Probably both.

“The victim mindset will have you dancing with the devil, then complaining that you’re in hell.” Unknown

I didn’t even know I was a victim until it blindsided me which made it harder to bear. I was a relationship victim, more specifically a victim of deceit and I was the woman who got left behind. However, instead of picking myself back up and moving on, I chose to “dance with the devil.” It took years of soul-searching, of blaming myself for his indiscretions and worst of all cutting myself down to size and way beyond to realize that I was the perfect victim. I must say, I played the role well. I went through the five phases of grief which is denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. It doesn’t often play out that way and it doesn’t always happen in that order either because sometimes you are not given the chance to grieve because the ‘devil’ that caused the problem in the first place keeps hanging on and so there is no closure or learning from your mistakes. Since then, I’ve played ‘volunteer’ if you want to call it that to similar circumstances. However, I am learning not to play victim to circumstances I created myself meaning I knew from the get go what I was getting myself into and that I only have myself to blame for what followed. Is there something about the familiarity of the situation that reels you in or makes you want to play in the mud puddles knowing full well that you’ll get dirty but the “LURE” is just too much to resist? Perhaps. I am trying to change that.

“When you complain, you make yourself a victim. Leave the situation, change the situation, or accept it. All else is madness.” Eckhart Tolle

I know without a shadow of a doubt that I will find myself along the same avenue at a later point in my life, not because I haven’t learned but because life happens and being a victim is woven into my being perhaps because I am too nice, too naive or I am the perfect victim type. Whatever the case maybe, I also know that if it happens again, I am fully equipped to ‘slay the monster,’ and put it to rest where it belongs because I have learned along the way and I am moving on.

“The victim who is able to articulate the situation of the victim has ceased to be a victim: he or she has become a threat.” Unknown

So watch out whoever you are! If you’re here to play games, you better get going. I will no longer volunteer to be your victim. I’ve outgrown the “victim mentality” and I’m on my way equipped with everything that is needed to put those who love or enjoy victimizing people where they belong and that is in the annals of hell!

“We’re sorry, your request for victim status has been denied. You are being referred to the Big Girl Panties Department. Please stand by.”

Have an amazing day.

Moving Forward

We do it everyday without giving it much thought. Each day requires that you put one foot in front of the other and to keep moving forward. The unknown is scary, the future hazy, and not knowing adds to the whole shebang. However, standing still in one spot is not going to do it even if it feels right at the time and digging in your heels and thumping your nose at whatever is in front of you is a no go either. Move forward….you must if you want to get somewhere in life.

“If I’ve learned anything in life, is that sometimes things get in your path and you have a choice: you can either smash right into them or you can adjust and move around, but you have to do one or the other in order to move forward.” Unknown

According to one source, “moving forward is essential for personal growth, overcoming adversity, and unlocking new opportunities, acting as a “cure” for stagnation, regret, and unhealthy fixation on the past.”

Staying fixated on the past is something that all of us are experts on. We can give a run down on how to do that with a smile plastered on our faces, that’s because we’ve done it numerous times. I know I have. I think the “fixation” comes from the familiarity of the past, we know it well, good or bad. Moving forward is a whole different story altogether. Who wants to move forward when the path forward is unclear and there could be a quagmire of sorts waiting for you there. It is risky business but it needs to be done if you want to get anywhere in life.

“Sometimes in order to move on, you have to accept that some things will just never go back to how they used to be no matter how much you want them to.” Unknown

Moving forward also requires strength, a single-minded focus, and the will to survive whatever is coming your way. You have to trust that all will be well as you put that foot forward hoping that whatever is waiting out there will treat you kindly and lead you on the path to success. Here’s the thing, if you’ve got one foot back there, you know where, and one foot in front, that is a surefire way to failure.

“The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are.” J. P. Morgan

Easier said than done? Absolutely. I’ll be the first to say that I love dragging my feet. Even if you give me a push forward, I PUSH BACK! I like staying where it is familiar and comfortable. I do not like the unknown but that has never stopped life from showing me what’s ahead in bits and pieces.

Daphne Rose Kingma said it beautifully.

“Holding on is believing that there’s only a past; letting go is knowing that there’s a future.”

I love that quote because it speaks to the truth of the matter. The past is done with, it is finished, although it loves hanging on and we give it an extra boost by keeping our thoughts and actions focused on it. It is a pesky thing, the past, but it plays its cards well and if it finds someone who will entertain it, it WILL linger on. Let it go. It is no longer needed. You are moving forward.

“Close some doors. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because they no longer lead somewhere.” Unknown

Remember that bit of advice. It is important to close doors that no longer serve your best interests. If you want to head somewhere, keep on moving forwards even if it makes you tremble with fear at times. You can’t go back to the past. The future is waiting so put one foot in front of the other and head that way trusting that you will get to a better place at some point in time.

“It is always important to know when something has reached its end. Closing circles, shutting doors, finishing chapters, it doesn’t matter what we call it: what matters is to leave in the past those moments in life that are over.” Paulo Coelho

AND

“Remember you can’t reach what’s in front of you until you let go of what’s behind you.” Unknown

Well said. I just need to take that advice to heart and learn from it!

Have an amazing day.

SWAMPED!

“Life can get exhausting, overwhelming, and stressful sometimes.” Unknown

When I decided to take on the responsibility of adding two more cats to the one I already have, I didn’t count on being overwhelmed. I didn’t realize that it was going to be a huge amount of work and trying to get a handle on things would be a next to impossible task.

Two weeks in or is it three weeks? It doesn’t matter. What matters is that I am SWAMPED! It is overwhelming, time-consuming, and it is taking everything within me to not throw up my hands and to say, “I surrender! This is too much.” The thing is, I don’t give up easily and I see this predicament as a challenge. I THINK I can take control of the situation and come out the winner but it is testing my patience and nerves!

Don’t get me wrong. I love the two cats. They are sweet-natured but a ball of fur! The Persian cat, Shiro, is white and I am beginning to see white hair everywhere or is that just my imagination. Gallahad, is a dark grey cat and he has long hair. Put the two together and it is a never-ending task of vacuuming and getting rid of hair! I bought a hairdresser’s kit recently. It came with a battery-operated gadget that trims hair. “No way!” says Gallahad. It also comes with a comb and scissors and I went to work. Shiro is looking a lot slimmer with less hair and Galli, well, he let me do the tail area but getting anywhere closer is a problem and a half. Anyway, there is a lot less hair to go around and I feel like I’ve achieved something at least.

They are eating well, sleeping like they should, and have found someone else to get close to. The “cat whisperer” as I am known to them is the “Pied Piper” as far as they are concerned. They’ve taken to hanging around me, rubbing up against my leg when I walk past and waiting outside the bedroom door hoping I would let them in. Nope, that is not going to work.

Chachi, on the other hand, has taken hissing to a new high. He hisses every chance he gets and when Galli got too close to him, he jumped on him and held on for dear life. He stayed there not knowing what to do. It was a good thing that Galli didn’t pounce on him and knock some sense into him. Galli is twice his size but the Little Macho thinks he is a big guy plus they (the two) are intruding into his space and it is not setting well with him.

I’ve been keeping my eyes peeled for trouble but being the watch dog is wearing me out. I’m exhausted come evening and after doing a once over with the vacuum, it is time to shut down for the night. I must say that they take it in stride and the nights are usually quiet. Chachi loves it when I shut the door and settle in bed. It is his time to shine. Cuddling takes priority and knowing that Galli and Shiro haven’t worked their magic on me seems to do wonders for his psyche. HE IS STILL NUMBER ONE!

“Sometimes it’s okay if the only thing you did today was breathe.” Unknown

I did a whole lot more than that but who’s keeping tabs!

Have an amazing day.

The First Daffodil

As spring flowers go, nothing signifies spring like daffodils. There are others that show up earlier than expected like the Snowdrops or rather snowbells, tiny white blooms that appear at the end of winter and the crocuses ranging from deep purple to golden yellow and sometimes pristine white. We get the purple ones here. However, it is the daffodil that heralds spring with its trumpet-like flowers, waving its yellow and white head to the sun that tells me spring is here and is going to stay for a while.

I headed out the door this morning looking forward to my walk when I noticed that the sun was already there telling me that it was going to be a glorious day. As I closed the front door and looked towards the front garden, I noticed the first daffodil in bloom! A beautiful yellow one looking directly at me! Soon, there will be plenty more but this is the first one I’ve seen in bloom and it put a smile on my face.

Saturdays are not for walking as far as I’m concerned. Too many people out there and with such a beautiful day, there would be plenty more. I like having the fields to myself. Not today. I noticed several people already there turning their heads skyward enjoying the sunshine. I took the forest way hoping for peace and quiet. No luck today. There were a few people already there enjoying the quiet and as we passed, there was a nod of the head and, “Guten Tag,” which is the norm here of friendliness and perhaps politeness as well.

There was the sound of a lone woodpecker in the tree somewhere pecking away for all its worth! Rabbits were scampering around, a couple, not many but soon they will be out in full force. Spring is just beginning and they have work to do. No deer today but it is early yet. I walked to the pond and it was quiet there. No herons, storks or ducks there. The stream meandering through the forest was gurgling gleefully as it made its way to where it needed to go. No daffodils yet. They usually show up on both sides of the stream in a blaze of yellow and while. Not today. There is time yet. It was quiet in the forest so I decided to head back.

Spring is here, not in full force but it will get here soon enough. When it does it will be a sight to behold and that one daffodil in my front garden will take a backseat as others come to take its place. All part and parcel of spring. It is one of my favorite season of the year.

Have an amazing day.

Another Day in Paradise

My idea of paradise is open spaces, blue skies, mountains, forests and streams running through the whole shebang! It is beautiful, calming and at the same time mesmerizing.

Today is no different except spring is in the air and there is sunshine everywhere. It’s a great day for a walk and to let the imagination run wild. There is a herd of deer standing still at the top of the hill enjoying the warmth as I’m doing. I watch them and they watch me in return. A shrill squawk attracts my attention and looking skywards, I see a heron in flight. It is majestic as it glides effortlessly through time and space. Two more herons join the symphony in motion and the dance is graceful as they dip and take off again, weightless against an azure blue sky.

A movement down below attracts my attention and two rabbits take off into the bushes and disappear from sight. There is a different energy out here today. Nature is breathing life back into the fields and everything is waking up after a long winter’s sleep, energized and ready to go. The air is crisp but still a little cold. It is exhilariting.

The only problem, there are more people out and about and where once I was the only one paying homage to paradise, it is no longer mine alone. It too is a sign that spring is marching in and staying indoors is for the birds when you have “paradise” just a stone’s throw away!

A beautiful walk nonetheless.

The Power of Failure

No one thinks that when “failure” happens it is the catalyst to success. Quite often it is seen as the direct opposite. However, it has been said that “Failure is not a fatal event but a crucial, constructive part of the journey to success.”

I’ve seen it happen on a personal level many times over. As a young girl, I fell in love with the wrong guy and it would happen many times over but that first time showed me the catastrophic effects of failure. I took it personally. The after effects I mean, and refused to budge for days or rather was it weeks on end. I wore sackcloth and ashes and mourned the loss like there was no tomorrow. It was only after I decided to take stock of where I was that I learned that there are lessons to be learned, painful ones, but lessons nonetheless. He was the wrong guy and it wouldn’t have worked. I learned never to repeat that mistake again. However, there were other lessons that came disguised as love but of the wrong kind each one teaching me to move forward with grace and to embrace the opportunities that failure brings.

I am at a place in my life where I know that failure is not just failure. It is not the end of the world and neither does it come to visit to stop you in your tracks. It is there to show you a better way, to make you stronger and if you are brave enough to embrace it, it shows you a better path. There is power within failure, embrace it for what it is, a learning curve, and go from there one foot in front of the other.

“Failure is only the opportunity to begin again – only this time more wisely.” Henry Ford

Have a wonderful day.

The Decision

I’ve been going back and forth on whether to trade in my car and to get a new one. The one I have currently is really dependable and I know how it works and that is the important part. All the new cars have lots of things that I have to get used to and some of them look menacing, meaning, if I pressed something unknowingly, it could shoot to the moon! Just kidding. However, I have developed an aversion to new STUFF!

It was time spent going from dealership to dealership talking to different people and trying to get a handle on the price and how everything works. Luckily, I was able to drag some willing participants to the places I needed to go and the “men” made a commanding presence because a woman alone makes easy prey for those who want to take advantage of that fact. They assume “she” knows nothing but I was armed with knowledge, the Google type, and knew what I was talking about. The men in this case were just there for support, I did the talking.

After test drives of potential cars, I zeroed in on two and then there was one. The last one was a steel blue car that looked pretty nice. It was an hybrid and my first reaction was, NO WAY! However, after driving the little beauty I was sure that this was going to be my companion for years to come. We went to the dealership last Saturday, told the guy I would be back on Monday to sign the papers and to get the process going. On Monday, I woke up early, got my papers together and was SURE that by day’s end, I would be the proud owner of a new car. The appointment was at 11 and since I had time to kill, I stopped by the cafe for a nice cup of coffee. Talked to the owner about my decision and he said, “Sounds great.” So, what happened? I don’t know. Suddenly, I felt like I was drowning and decided to pull the plug!

It was half an hour before the appointment and I knew the sales guy would be pissed. Still, I couldn’t make myself do otherwise. So, the call was made and instead of being mad, he asked why. I told him I wanted to keep my old car. It needed the driver’s side headlights replaced and the cost would be around 2,000 euros. Still cheap compared to the thousands I would have to fork out for a new car. The selling point was that I like my car, I know how it runs and I am comfortable with it. He said, no problem and I was off the hook. Talk about a load off my shoulders!

Back home, I called the repair shop and they said, “Sure, come by with the car and we can take the order.” Total wait time for the part to get there was around two to three days and replacement time around 3 hours. Now, I’ve got everything, fingers and toes crossed that once the headlight gets replaced, the car will run smoothly without coming up with something else. I can only hope.

One thing I’ve learned during this process is to get as much knowledge as you can about buying a car. What to look for, the pitfalls and never let someone pressure you into buying something you are not sure of. Even if you are confident, never try to go there alone. Bring company and somehow THEY think men know better! That’s not the case but let them think that.

We know different!

Have an amazing day.

A Gorgeous Day!

Is it here? It shows promise and that is a good thing. The sky is cloudless, a clear blue in color, and the sun is out and smiling! The daffodils are getting ready to go on display and the birds are trilling like there is no tomorrow! Spring is definitely marching in but it is early yet so we might still get some cold weather holding on for dear life.

The fields are fantastic today. No clouds to mar their beauty and everything is touched with a little bit of gold from the sunshine. The slight hum of an airplane overhead didn’t do much to disturb the peace and the crows had gathered like they were getting ready for a funeral! The herons are still missing but the deer were out in full force grazing nonchalantly as I walked past. The mountains in the distance were visible and were happy to be seen.

I took the forest route. My usual route is to keep to open spaces but today I decided to let the birds keep me company as they rustled in the trees and let their spring song be heard, loud and clear. The butterflies are not there yet. It is officially spring here, early spring, and waking up from the deep slumber of winter takes some time. It is deceptively warm too but in the shade, it is nippy and a tad cold. I was alone again as I am most days as I take my daily walks but I love it this way. The woods seem to be quiet and the stream running through is gurgling happily. Soon, the daffodils will bloom on either side and it will be a show-stopping event. They will be gorgeous waving their yellow and white heads, doing their spring dance.

It is beautiful and it will only get better. The “blooming” will take place and it will show what nature has been working on during the winter months. Nope, it was not sleeping. A brief nap, maybe, but there was plenty going on beneath the ground as it will soon reveal. Nature has its rhythm and the change of seasons take place as it should with no lapses in between. All we have to do is to stop and marvel at its beauty as each season takes its rightful place leaving us in awe.

Spring is finally here and I for one can’t wait to see its full display!

LOL!

I thought this was funny and wanted to share. Some truth to it as well?

Scottish blood…

An Arab Sheikh was admitted to the hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to have some of his blood type stored in case the need arose. As the gentleman had an extremely rare type of blood that couldn’t be found locally, the call went out around the world.

Finally, a Scotsman was located who had the same rare blood type. After some coaxing, the Scot donated his blood for the Arab.

After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a BMW, a diamond necklace for his wife, and $100,000 US dollars in appreciation for the blood donation.

A few months later, the Arab had to undergo a further corrective surgery procedure. Once again, his doctor telephoned the Scotsman, who was more than happy to donate his blood.

After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street chocolates.

The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated. He phoned the Arab and asked him:

“I thought you would be more generous than that. Last time you sent me a BMW, diamonds and money, but this time you only sent me a lousy thank-you card and a crappy box of chocolates?”

To this, the Arab replied: ” Aye, laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in ma veins.”