Living in Europe, I have learned that Sundays are not only a day of rest but that everything comes to a standstill! No shops, no markets, and no malls. You have to make do with is left standing. Bakeries, not all of them, might open for a couple of hours and that’s about it.
Flea markets are a godsent on Sundays if you’re looking for something to do. The one close to my place is a monthly event in summer. It is a big one and it is usually crowded. I’ve missed the last two but decided to make a showing for this one. Waking up early for a Sunday, thanks to Chachi, I made my way to the flea market. The sun was shining and the car park was already full. I wasn’t looking for anything in particular, perhaps something for the garden. People were browsing and the vendors were loud as they let it be known that it would be worth your while to visit their stand. I walked taking it all in.
No plants worth buying. Loads of STUFF but nothing interesting. I passed a food vendor selling Greek tidbits. Olives in every color imaginable, dips, shrimps in three different sauces, squid salad and of course, bread. I told him I’ll be back later and had every intention of doing so. I did another round hoping something would catch my attention but there was nothing. I remember going there once with a friend and he said, “All junk!” True, but if you have a good eye, you might just pick up a treasure. I bought a small dish once, blue and white, and it turned out to be an antique. It has a place of honor on the sideboard and looks great!
“One man’s trash is another man’s treasure.”
True at times but this time around, it was more trash than anything else. I went back to the Greek vendor and picked up a small container of shrimp in garlic sauce, a spicy dip and some squid salad. The man kept speaking in English so I wondered what gave it away! Plus he kept handing me small samples to try, nice but I was filling up on them!
Back home, I walked in with Chachi, the cat, standing behind the door.
“Where have you been?!!”
ME: “Nowhere special. It’s mommy and Chachi time now!”
HIM: “It sure is!”
The time at the flea market was worth it because I’m feeling good and that is a good thing.
“When confronted with a challenge, the committed heart will search for a solution. The undecided heart searches for an escape.” Andy Andrews
Commitment is a must if you want to succeed in getting something done, accomplish goals or simply in moving forward. However, commitment is often met with excuses and the easy route is to make an excuse for why you are not capable of doing something and to leave whatever it is that needed done just dangling in mid-air, an unfinished task so to speak. It is often accompanied by “If only I had….” at a later point in time.
“Commitment is defined as the state of quality of being dedicated to a cause, activity, etc.”
It takes work, a certain tunnel-vision to stay on the straight and narrow and to see it through. At times, it is boring and it takes tremendous effort. Excuses, on the other hand, are easy to come by.
Looking for a job is hard work because it will take effort, focus and an unwavering mentality. I really don’t want to leave my comfort zone and be out there looking is not going to cut it. I would rather be watching something on TV or playing computer games is not how you are going to be able to pay your bills. It may be fun but not in the long run. However, this excuse comes with a big price tag attached to it at a later point in time.
“He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.” Unknown
How about making excuses in a relationship? Instead of building a relationship most excuse-mongers have one foot in a relationship and out chasing rainbows looking for that pot of gold with the other. Problem is they wind up losing what they had in the first place. Their excuse is, “I’m not sure.” That is one stupid excuse because keeping several fires burning is not the answer. Dedication is. Build instead of tearing it down.
“If it is important to you, you will find a way. If not, you’ll find an excuse.” Unknown
There there are all kinds of other excuses. One for every topic it seems and those excuses are the ones which keep you from achieving the goals. The all important goal of moving on in life, of making something out of life, of being with that one special someone and so on and so forth. Excuses are a dime a dozen and the path to hell is lined with them! Commitment takes courage, fortitude, a certain mindset and it is success oriented.
“Commitment is an act, not a word.” Unknown
It is what transforms a dream into a reality and it takes more than just dreaming about it. Learn what it takes to make it a reality and go after it. Never giving up is a key element and showing “excuses” the door is another sure way of getting to where you want to be. You can stay awhile in “excuses-land” but only long enough to wet your feet and then move with dedication to the end goal. If you want success, dedication and commitment is the way to go.
“There’s always a way if you’re committed.” Unknown
Just another morning in the grand scheme of things but it was a little different. Getting up early as usual, I found Chachi’s face almost plastered next to mine! The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes were his big expressive eyes staring back at me. Nothing new there. Just the norm in our world of being hooked on each other.
The thing that was different was how dark it looked outside compared to yesterday. The sun was a no show and everything was shrouded in a veil of darkness. A change of season approaching quietly but surely? Chachi walked up to the big window in the kitchen and let out a loud meow and went, “My TV is not working Mommy!” Oh well, he needs to be patient and it will fix itself.
My daily walk in the fields a short while later was more of the same. It was a little lighter but the sun was sure taking its time this morning. I walked knowing my path well, I could have done it with my eyes closed! A lone deer emerged from the forest line and stood there for a while before taking off to where it was familiar just as I was doing. The sky was a pearl grey and streaks of pink were starting to appear at the mountain tops. It is supposed to be cooler today but it will be sunny and warm.
My eyes scanned the horizon as I walked, my feet heavy as I trudged along the rock strewn path. No one and nothing was moving BUT there was much happening beneath my feet that my naked eyes could not see. The changing of the guard was taking place and the preparation was well under way or wherever “nature” holds its meeting to get things moving.
Turning back I noticed six bales of hay stacked on top of each other and just in front of them three deer grazing. A beautiful sight to behold. Soon, there will be more signs of another season approaching and it will be done like clockwork. A miracle? Absolutely.
“To walk in nature is to witness a thousand miracles.” Mary Davis
Happiness is a choice although some may disagree. I feel that it starts from within and works its way out. It is going to take work as with everything else in life that is worth having.
“Happiness is a choice. You can choose to be happy. There’s going to be stress in life, but it’s your choice whether you let it affect you or not.”
Valerie Bertinelli.
If you’re looking at outside factors to validate your existence, if you’re waiting for people to give you what you need to be happy, you’ll be sorely disappointed. Happiness is a choice you make and therein lies the secret of being happy.
It has been said that, “true happiness isn’t a destination, but a way of living….cultivated through intentional practices.” What do you need to be happy? Money? Love? Freedom? Peace? The answer is that it takes all of those things and more. However, there are some key secrets to leading a happy life. They are, “prioritizing positive relationships, practicing gratitude, engaging in meaningful activities, and managing stress effectively.”
These are all good and positive ways you can achieve happiness and to keep it there for a while. However, it is not a switch that you turn on and off. If you want the long-lasting kind of “happiness” you need to make positive choices that help to foster dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and andorphins, the happy hormones. It is something you need to work towards and things like developing resilience, setting intentions and making good choices help to influence “your emotional state and overall well-being.”
“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.” Dalai Lama
It takes time to cultivate. Daily habits of the positive nature help to get you there. Being kind to yourself helps to strengthen that happiness factor and training your mind to stay positive all help to see life not through rose-tinted glasses but for what it is. Work, work and more work!
“Every choice comes with a consequence. Once you make a choice, you must accept responsibility. You cannot escape the consequences of your choices, whether you like them or not.” Roy T. Bennett
One small step at a time and remember that with discomfort comes growth.
Edmund Hillary once said, “It is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves.” There is much truth in that one statement. In order to conquer the mountain, metaphorically speaking, we have to conquer ourselves first.
More often than not, we place lines and boundaries around ourselves that stop us from moving forward, both knowingly and unknowingly. I have talked about the stories we tell in another article and it still stands true. The narratives we tell keeps us from achieving goals we set for ourselves. We say, “I can’t,” which is often the first response. What if we changed that narrative to, “I can.” Worth trying?
The thing I need to conquer first and foremost is fear. This four-letter word has kept me from achieving so much in my life. Whatever comes my way is usually DOA because fear steps in and tells me why I am incapable of doing something which might sound rational at the time but it is usually only in my head. The fear factor has kept me safe BUT it has also stopped me from experiencing life at its fullest. I know I need to break out of the well-insulated cocoon I am in and test the waters, or at least to get my feet wet. Not saying you should throw caution to the wind but talking about those small steps to conquer that mountain called life.
“Each of us must confront our own fears, must come face to face with them. How we handle our fears will determine where we go with the rest of our lives. To experience adventure or to be limited by the fear of it.” Judy Blume
Overcoming obstacles is next in line. My first reaction to any obstacle is to cringe and than I tend to shy away from it. Perhaps normal behavior in the grand scheme of things but it would be so much easier if I looked it, whatever it is, in the eye and made a conscious decision to break it down to what it really is. Most times, it is a wrinkle rather than a mountain that I in my innate human self make it out to be. I am learning but it takes time.
“Obstacles are like wild animals. They are cowards but they will bluff you if they can. If they see you are afraid of them….they are able to spring upon you; but if you look them squarely in the eye, they will slink out of sight.” Orison Swett Marden.
Acceptance is hard and most times I go through an almost impossible obstacle course of my own making before I can say, “It’s going to be alright. I have accepted the unchangeable and it is time to move on.” This step never comes easily and it takes time but that again is the intricate ways of life or simply of my own choosing. The important thing is that I am learning to accept and let go instead of giving up and kow-towing and accepting defeat. I want to get to the top of the mountain with bells ringing and with my sanity intact! I still have a long ways to go but I am making progress.
“Acceptance doesn’t mean resignation; it means understanding that something is what it is and that there’s got to be a way through it.” Michael J. Fox
However, there is no point in setting out on a journey when there are no clear cut goals because running around in circles is a waste of time and having the courage to know and accept what is needed to make that journey is the way to go. Start with yourself. Be strong enough to get rid of what is not needed, set your focus and start moving to the end goal. Light up your soul, eradicate the stumbling blocks of which there are many I am sure, move with purpose and look towards the path in front of you, one small step at a time. This is exactly what I plan to do.
“Aim for the sky, but move slowly, enjoying every step along the way, it is all those little steps that make the journey complete.” Unknown
Have you ever had one of those days where you had it all planned out only to find out that life in its wisdom had other things planned?
I had a perfect Sunday planned. A nice restful sleep, get up whenever, breakfast in bed, cuddle with Chachi, the cat, and just hit the snooze button. I had all of that in mind when I got ready for bed last night. Feeling comfortable in my 3 sizes too big shirt, one of the perks of not having a guy by your side, I had done my nightly routine. Deep breathing, meditation and of course yoga. This ancient art form does wonders and I’m back to doing all the Pretzel twists that this requires short of headstands. Feeling good after torturing my body, I was ready for a goodnight’s rest with visions of a nice Sunday dancing in my head.
Guess what? Life had other plans. Waking up this morning, nice and early, I made a plan for the day. I was down to two piles of paperwork that needed sorting. My inner being, the one that sometimes has great ideas was whispering softly in my ears, “Let it all go to HELL!” Hmm…sounds like a great idea especially for a Sunday.
Then I glanced at my iPhone and noticed this message. “Updates are available, will install tonight.” Hmm…it has been saying that for the last two days! I am a Tech klutz as I’ve mentioned here before and this spelled trouble one that could throw my Sunday into something unrecognizable!
“Calm down!” I told myself. Reaching for my steady companion, I Googled! Why didn’t it do automatic updates as it had been doing? WHY?!! The answers came back. It could be shortage of space and a whole host of other things! Not good! A lazy breakfast in bed had flown out the window and now, I just wanted to get the update done but was afraid to press any buttons! The people at Apple are all about the updates! The Tech gods sitting up there somewhere keep coming up with new things all the time all in the name of security. The Fort Knox variety!
Anyway, I Googled for all I was worth! An hour later, I decided to take the plunge. Going to Settings and there grinning back at me was the latest update.
“Now what?” it said. “I dare you!”
I hit update and it immediately went to update followed by a blank screen! Nothing happened for a few minutes and then the Apple logo came on. It showed it was uploading or rather downloading? Who cares, it was doing something. How long? Google told me it could take 30 minutes to one hour. I was nervous.
I went downstairs to get my coffee and breakfast. Ten minutes later, I was back upstairs and it said, “Your iPhone has been updated!” Then it asked for my PIN and luckily I had it written down. Leaving nothing to chance these days! I put it in and it is up and running!
Just as I was taking a well-deserved deep breath, I glanced over at the floor where the sun was shining, and there clearly visible were the dust bunnies laughing their heads off!
“We’re back!” was all they said.
Just then, Chachi, the cat walked in wearing his macho pants.
It is described as, “a feeling of intense familiarity and strong emotions associated with a new experience.” Even though the experience is a new one, the “been there, done that” feeling creeps in and it can bring either dread or joy.
I think we’ve all been there, at some point in our lives, finding ourselves on the same rollercoaster ride time and time again. The same bad experiences keep popping up and no matter how hard we try, we come back to Square 1 before we take off again, back on that rollercoaster with another person who just happens to be the same type you left behind but in a different body!
Have you asked yourself why?
One source says it’s because those “old wounds” haven’t healed and you’re carrying them around like an albatross around your neck. It could be coming from an old relationship that didn’t work out, some trauma that happened along the way which showed you that you are not enough or it could go all the way back to your childhood where you learned that you have to perform and work for everything including relationships.
You make yourself small to fit in. You put up with disrespect. You make do with the blatant lies hoping he’ll change but he never does. You accept crumbs when you should have the whole feast!
You need to stop attracting and accepting low-value men. They are the ones who don’t think twice about cheating on you because they know that whatever they do, you’ll go along for the ride. You will try harder because in your book, love is about conforming to what is asked of you not of being accepted on equal terms. You hang on their every word like a puppy dog and you wait for their validation which never comes. You eat up everything they feed you including the BS! You’re willing to give their “ego” an additional boost by placing a halo on their head, one you’ve decided they deserve. Why? It’s because you find yourself lacking in one way or another. And so the cycle continues.
High-value men do not play games and they are not EMOTIONALLY CONSTIPATED either! They know how to treat a woman right and they are willing to meet you halfway with love, respect and common decency.
How do you break this pattern of attracting what you are used to and the one your heart knows well?
Break the programming! Something in your past has tattooed this message into your being. “I’m not worthy and I don’t deserve better!” You seek what is familiar to you, the hurts, the pain, the knowing, the red flags. You take it all in and are even comfortable with them. It is what you know best. If you don’t break this cycle, it is emotional deja vu over and over again.
Work on knowing the patterns that get you there. Take time out to find out what you want and be honest about it. Know that you’ll feel lonely having to walk it alone for a while. It is needed.
Remember this:
“You’re a first place girl…..not a “just incase girl!”
AND
“An amazing thing happens when you stop seeking approval and validation: You find it. People are naturally drawn like magnets to those who know who they are and cannot be shaken!”
SO HERE YOU GO!
Know who you are, know your self-worth, don’t settle for anything less and in time those rollercoaster rides will fizzle out. The one who’s meant for you will find you, this time to stay because YOU know exactly what you want and you are no longer settling for anything less than that!
It’s Saturday and I’ve decided to keep moving taking my cue from the proverb, “an idle mind is the devil’s playground.” I told myself to keep moving and not to let overthinking have its way. All good right? Let’s see how far I make it before my old friend, my mind, takes over and smashes it to pieces!
Morning started early. I got up at 7 a.m. and all was well. Chachi, the cat, was purring softly next to me and the world was just waking up. The birds were chirping and the pigeons were cooing for all they are worth! A little irritating but still a pleasant enough sound. The sun seemed to be peeking out after days of absence and I wondered if a walk in nature might be a good idea but nixed it because I don’t like walking on Saturdays. Too many people out and the constant exchange of pleasantries tend to be draining.
My idea for today is to clean house from top to bottom. It should keep me occupied for most of the day since I haven’t done thorough cleaning in quite a while. The dust bunnies are laughing their heads off but not for long! I’m getting the Dyson vac out and it should do a great job of getting everything nice and clean. Chachi, the cat, sans apron and Swiffer in hand, is more than ready to pitch in and give me some help. However, he thinks it is playtime more than anything else. First thing, strip the bed. Then the pillowcases and Chachi’s blankets. The little helper was more than happy. He ran across the bed as if it was some kind of a raucous game. It took about 20 minutes simply because the little rascal was getting in the way and enjoying himself in the process. I got the wash going and decided to head out to the garden to see what’s happening there. It has been days since I’ve been in the garden and I didn’t expect much except an onslaught of weeds!
The surprise was on me. The apple tree was bogged down with plenty of apples! This one lone apple tree in the garden has a mind of its own. Last year, there were no apples to speak off. This year, it is overflowing and the apples though small are crisp and sweet. They are just turning slightly red so probably a week or so and they should be ready to come off the tree and to be given away to the neighbors. I can’t eat them all. The lone cherry tomato plant has some ripe tomatoes on it. Last year, I planted one tomato plant and got a monster harvest so I went with one cherry tomato plant this year hoping that it will be just enough for salads and stir-fries. Looks like it is working. Next to it, the chili plant is doing well. It has four green chilies and the card on it reads, “Hot Chilies.” Keeping fingers crossed that they are. Rounding the corner, I see that the cherry tree is done for this year. I got three cherries although it had an abundance of flowers this year. Where did the cherries go? Your guess is as good as mine. Perhaps, next year. The fig tree standing next to it is trying to overdo everything else in the garden. It is lusciously green and full of figs! Last year, the figs took a long time getting ripe and I had to discard most of them because the weather had turned and they couldn’t finish their ripening process. This year, it looks like they are going to make it in time and in a week or two, I should have plenty of ripe figs to give away and to enjoy.
It looks like a bounty of abundance and I am grateful. The sky above is beautifully clear heralding a gorgeous day, not too hot and just right. The birds are picking up their singing drowning out the pigeons and the air, well, it is fresh washed clean by the rain and ready to meet another day. Inside, I hear the beeping of the washing machine telling me to put the load in the dryer. It’s going to be a beautiful day and I’m going to try and make it a great one.
There are problem makers and then there are problem makers.
“Avoid people who mess with your head. Avoid people who intentionally and repeatedly do and say things that they know upset you. Avoid people who expect you to prioritize them but refuse to prioritize you. Avoid people who can’t and won’t apologize sincerely. AVOID. AVOID. AVOID.” Unknown
AND
“There are some people who always seem angry and continuously look for conflict. Walk away the battle they are fighting isn’t with you, it is with themselves.” Unknown
I’ve met some of those people along the way and they are the people problem makers. However, there is another kind of problem making that is much more incendiary and if allowed to, it has the power to drive you insane at times and at other times, you wonder if you’re coming or going. I’m talking about the “what if” scenarios that we are so capable of creating in our minds. The destructive kind.
“What ifs” have the potential to bring you down if used too often. It leads to heightened anxiety, it appears replaying unwanted scenarios in your head and it is known to erode self-confidence and it brings about self-doubt.
“What” and “if” are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life.” Unknown
What if? What if? What if?
“Change your what ifs to even ifs and stop giving power to worry.” Mya Ramirez.
I had a heart-to-heart with someone close yesterday and the conversation centered around all the “what ifs.” What if things go wrong?” What if the outcome is not what I want?” “What if changes are coming?” You guessed it, those questions were all coming from my side. He listened quietly and asked, “Why are you so afraid and WHY are you having all these checkups done? Whatever comes, it comes.” He has this que sera sera attitude about life and whatever comes his way, he lets it roll over like water over a duck’s back. He seems to be living a worry-free life with that attitude of his. I, on the other hand, jump at every problem and let it take me for a ride for as long as it wants to. The end result, total exhaustion and a frazzled mind.
The talk did some good. It made me step back from my doomsday, “What if” scenarios and to take a good hard look at my problem and to come up with some positive solutions. One of those solutions is not to jump the gun. My worries will not change a thing but my efforts at doing what is necessary to minimize the damage may put a positive spin on the whole thing.
“The what-if’s and the should-have’s will eat your brain.” John O’Callaghan
And if by chance the same old question creeps around, this next quote might just help.
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