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Groundhog’s Day (Archives)

This particular phenomenon is defined as “a situation in which the same usually negative or monotonous experiences occur repeatedly or are felt to occur repeatedly with no change or correction.”

In the movie, Phil (Bill Murray), a weatherman finds himself trapped in a time warp and he is doomed to relive the same day over and over again UNTIL he gets it right.

“If you want something new, you have to stop doing something old.” Peter Drucker

Ever felt like you’re reliving an experience over and over again? I have and it is not only a bad feeling but getting off that roller coaster is sometimes hard to do. I’ve asked myself why am I here again? Did I not work through this already? I thought I was heading towards something better but it is the same old runaround and the same old Deja Vu feeling.

“Life is from the inside out. When you shift on the inside, life shifts on the outside.” Kamal Ravikant

Perhaps that right there is the problem in a nutshell. I did not shift or change from the inside but was just pretending like I had. According to http://www.boro.ac.uk, the reason can be found in the way our “brain processes information and creates templates that we refer to again and again. The templates are essentially shortcuts, which help us make decisions in the real world. They are known as heuristics and they make us repeat our errors.”

Too complicated? I think so too. Another expert had this to say: “the neural pathways are programmed such that every time we remember a past mistake, the brain heads back down the previous pathway.”

Oh God, this is even worse! I don’t want my brain remembering every mistake I made! The goal is to never repeat those mistakes again. However, no matter how hard I try I feel like the proverbial horse being led to drink from a pond I don’t want to. Perhaps, I have no control over the matter because those mistakes have already been pre-programmed into my inner core and there is nothing I can do about it. If that is the case, it is Groundhog’s Day over and over again. How awful is that?!!

It is time to make some drastic changes. The moral of Groundhog’s Day was:

“If you’re tired of reliving the same day repeatedly, something must change – and it’s up to you.”

According to the experts, if you’re finding yourself in “bad” relationships then recognizing “those past relationship mistakes and patterns can make a big difference in your future.” How do you stop making those same mistakes? Are there certain patterns or specific types who are not good for you?

Here are some problem-solvers:

Make small changes. Humans are creatures of habit and therefore comfortable with what is not necessarily good for us. Change doesn’t happen overnight but breaking those negative patterns one piece at a time might lead you in the right direction.

Practice self-care and don’t beat yourself up over mistakes you’ve made. Bad relationships can damage your self-esteem so be extra kind and gentle to yourself. Meditate, exercise, do yoga but more importantly take all that wasted energy and dedicate it to yourself.

Give yourself time to heal – don’t jump into the next relationship, give yourself time to heal.

Then there are three basic attachment styles: Insecure-avoidant, Insecure-anxious and Securely attached. The first two struggle and see themselves as being not enough. Both these types struggle with vulnerability. The Securely-attached might have the same problems as the first two but they embrace their vulnerability and are ready to accept and receive comfort, security and safety which helps to quiet the negative voices within them. Unfortunately, I belong to the first two attachment types. All fine and good but how do I outsmart my brain and get rid of that template which keeps bringing me back to the same place over and over again? I know that this is going to be a long process and a hard journey but I am bent on breaking the cycle. It is time to move on and to get it right!

“You are the author of your own story. If you don’t like where this chapter is going, it’s OK to start a new one.”

BUT, I like this one better.

“Life is tough my darling, but so are you.” Stephanie Bennett Henry

HAVE AN AMAZING DAY

Raising Chachi

When my son left home to further his studies, I became an empty nester. Not for long because a short while later in walks this bundle of fur in the arms of a friend. This well-meaning friend thought I needed company and so it began.

Raising Chachi hasn’t been easy. The little guy in the fur coat knew what he was about and he also knew that the human stood no chance against him. He was right. However, the battle of wills doesn’t go unnoticed by me. He has all the bargaining power and me none. Recently I noticed that I’m running circles around him and he gets everything he wants.

The little Macho dictates and I follow! It’s not his fault because all he has to do is walk in on furred feet, look at me with those huge green eyes and I kowtow to his cuteness! What follows next is a barrage of kisses from me to him. I see the look in his eyes and I know that he knows, he’ll get anything he wants. There is no disciplining him because he marches to a different drumbeat, one that says, “She is putty in my paws!”

Two days ago, I came down with a cold so I decided to spend as much time as possible in bed. Chachi wasn’t having any of it! Healthy or not, it was time to get up at the given time. His alarm clock goes off at 5:30! This morning, he started his usual meow and dance right next to me on the bedside table. I ignored him and burrowed deeper into the warm blanket. It was a no go. After three tries, he started growling softly! So I turned around and said, “You don’t tell me when I should get out of bed!”

He jumped off the table and started meowing as if to say, “Yes I DO!” Instead of telling him where he could go with his demands, I obliged and dragged myself out of bed. He crawled into his cushion by the kitchen window and I went back upstairs with my coffee and breakfast. After half an hour, I crawled under the covers again. All was peaceful and just as I was dozing off, I heard, “Mommy! Mommy!” I swear he has it down pat. His meow sounds like he is saying, “Mommy!” Then I hear the pitter-patter of little feet and he’s back upstairs. Walking to the bed, he lets out a huff and a puff, jumps on the bed barely missing my face and snorts, “Mommy!”

ME: “What is it? Mommy needs to sleep.”

HIM: “No, you don’t! You’re just lazy!”

ME: “Chachi, go play with your toys!”

HIM: “No, mommy! Get up!”

I wanted to wring that cute little neck of his but instead said, let’s cuddle.

HIM: “NO! NO! NO!”

Suddenly he makes this weird sound and jumps over my head, lands on the other side and takes off. He was having the time of his life but I had had enough! I got out of bed and he took off running and I swear it sounded like a giggle! After a few tries, I caught him and staring into his unapologetic eyes I said, “I’m going to send you to cat behavioral training classes!”

HIM: “There’s no such thing!”

He’s right so I lugged him back to bed, covered him up with half the blanket, gave him a few kisses, cuddled up and he settled down.

Let me tell you, I didn’t have this much trouble with my son or maybe I did! I’m a lost cause where the little bugger is concerned but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

He is snoring like a lumberjack, content with his place in life. I, on the other hand, need to learn to work around the spoiled brat and I really need to raise him better. I see him watching me as if to say, “You’re doing a great job mom. No need to worry.”

Yes, from your mouth to God’s ears!

Have an amazing day.

Where Do I See Myself in Ten Years?

Photo by RDNE Stock project on Pexels.com

Give me a crystal bowl and I will tell you! I don’t know is the answer. I hope better than where I am now. Hopefully the journey of self-discovery will be complete and like that caterpillar, I would emerge with wings ready to face the world anew. Hopefully it wouldn’t take ten years to do it!

I am staying in the present for now and leaving yesterday where it belongs but I am taking the lessons I learned with me. The future is blurry and I’m not looking in that direction although it does creep in now and then. My goal is to make each day count. I can’t change yesterday and tomorrow is not a given so all I have is today and I am content knowing that.

Ten years from now? I hope I have the special someone by my side but even if that doesn’t happen, it will be alright. It is not about the search for the guy, it is about finding myself, the one I lost a long time ago. I liked her, this happy carefree person who had a lot to laugh about. Who knows, ten years from now I might say, I’ve found her again. Fingers and toes crossed!

Daily writing prompt

Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

View all responses

Springtime Magic!

“Spring is the time when the world is filled with magic and everything feels possible.” Unknown

I’m down with a cold and it is not a good thing. I hate being sick so staying in bed and watching mindless “Reality TV” is not my thing either and neither is downing hot soup spiked with chili! A small trick my mom taught me as a young girl and mom had magic in her fingertips! She would fix me a hot steaming bowl of chicken noodle soup with loads of chili in it, then she would wrap me in a blanket and leave me to dehydrate! Hours later, I would be up and about feeling much better. I’ve got news for you mom, it’s not working now!

Anyway, I’m taking the less drastic route. Just some tea, lots of fruit and giving my system lots of time to recuperate. Is it working? Let’s wait and see. Coming back to the topic at hand, it is spring and it is blooming flowers! The sun is shining and I’m sitting out back with a cup of coffee and taking it all in. It is a time when “the earth laughs in flowers.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

I don’t have a huge garden, it is big enough to grow stuff in and small enough to keep things in order. I can see it needs work. Winter has left its mark and the dried leaves and twigs need to be swept up and room needs to be made for the “new” to creep in. The tulips are in bloom and their beautiful colorful heads are swaying in the light breeze. The medium-sized tree is full of wonderful white blossoms but for the life of me, I can’t recall what it is called. I know that if you sit out back when early evening rolls around, the scent is mesmerizing. The huge Magnolia tree is in full bloom and its pink and white flowers are a sight to behold. The lone apple tree is greening and there are lots of pink and white buds on it. Perhaps, a bumper crop this year? Don’t hold your breath! This particular tree has a mind of its own. Last year, it teased with lots of flowers but the output was next to nothing. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that it will do better this year. However, the thing that blew my mind this morning is the cherry tree. I’ve been keeping it trimmed so that it doesn’t get too out of control but it is taking it in stride. The tree is covered in white blossoms! More cherries than last year? Last year, I got two. They were firm and sweet but I’m hoping for more this year.

There is definitely magic in the air. The sky is a glorious blue, the sun is warming and the “flowering” tells me all things are possible where nature is concerned. What about from the human side? Unfortunately, that needs a little more work but “magic” is contagious so I’m hoping it is catching! Time for another cup of tea before I crawl back into bed!

“Your mind is a garden, your thoughts are the seeds, you can grow flowers……or weeds.” Unknown

Have an amazing day.

My Happiness List

First on the list is Chachi, the cat. I can’t do without him and he is my buddy, a close confidante and a joy maker. Just seeing him walk into the room with that John Wayne walk puts a smile on my face. Spending time with him brings happiness as well.

Writing is next on the list. Right now, I am drawing blanks but that happens and it is a momentary lapse. Soon my head will be raging with ideas and I will be ready to get it out and I will. I think my brain is saying enough already! It’s time for a break. I LOVE writing and it is a joyful thing to do.

Walking is naturally on my list. Not a day goes by without a walk in nature but I missed it today. I seem to have caught a cold so it was plenty of rest, liquids and TV time! It’s okay to have downtime now and then.

Meditation brings benefits I never thought was possible. I have a mind that jumps around and doesn’t sit still so meditation has been a good way to reel it in and to make it behave. It is a hard ask but it (my brain) is learning to toe the line or perhaps just pretending to do so! Meditation not only brings joy into my life but it is my safety net when I need peace and quiet.

Workouts are good for the mind, body and soul. I’ve always worked out so why stop now? However, I need to remember that I’m no longer a spring chicken but sometimes I forget and my body reminds me later. It’s all fine and good because I take it in stride although I’ve backed off from kickboxing but all the others are par for the course.

These are my methods for achieving happiness and believe it or not, it works. What about cheesecake? Okay, just a slice puts a smile on my face but it has been a game of tug of war since I started down that road, the cheesecake fetish path I mean, so I’m going to leave it out for now but I hear it CALLING!

Daily writing prompt

What are 5 everyday things that bring you happiness?

View all responses

You vs. You (Archives)

“It’s you versus you. Meaning you’re the only thing standing in your way.” Amber Tamblyn

The battle lines are often drawn when it comes to facing life’s adversities, difficulties and the unknown. How often do you say, “This is too hard to handle or I can’t do this!” Life’s uncertainties are often met with I am unworthy, I am too small, I am insignificant, I am not pretty enough, I am not capable, I am not enough and so on. We come up with so many excuses as to why we can’t achieve something or why it is impossible but if truth be told, we make mountains out of molehills. I often point my fingers at everything but myself. I become small and that problem, whatever it is, changes shape and becomes a mountain. It doesn’t matter that the mountain is of my own making, it’s there and it seems insurmountable.

What if we take a step back and view it from a different angle? Is it still insurmountable? How about if we changed our mindset to one of “I can” instead of “I can’t?” I know some problems are huge and they remain huge no matter which way you look at it but there are others that become that way because the “you” the negative “you” sees it that way and so it looms larger than life and once that negative mindset takes hold, it is all downhill from there. I’ve started looking at problems as just that. They are problems yes but I’ve decided to downsize them. I give them a cursory glance at first then I break it down into pieces and tackle it that way. Gone are the days of heart-thumping and end-of-the-world theatrics. No, it hasn’t made the problem any less of a problem but breaking it down does make it more manageable. Perhaps we need to remember it is not you vs. you but YOU working with you to come up with a solution, one that is workable.

It has been said you are your own worst enemy but what if you become your own best friend? Wouldn’t life be so much easier not to mention simpler? Here are some tips on how to do exactly that from the mindful.org.

When you look at the mirror, appreciate the unique person staring back at you – there’s never been another you!

When you talk to yourself, be friendly! Be understanding! NEVER BE MEAN!

When you need lovin’, give yourself a self-hug. Don’t knock it ’till you try it!

Don’t be shy to use your name and tell yourself that you love you.

Make a date with yourself to do something kind and caring.

Make yourself laugh.

Take time for contemplative practices that help you stay tuned in to your body, mind and emotions so that you might always be able to access your inner wisdom.

Idowu Koyenikan had this to say about problems.

“Mountains are only a problem when they are bigger than you. You should develop yourself so much that you become bigger than the mountains you face.”

If all else fails, you can give the “you” that is causing you problems a boot out the door! That should do it. Easier said than done I know and finally, YOU ARE ENOUGH AS YOU ARE so don’t underestimate yourself.

Have an amazing day.

Glennon Doyle (Archives)

She is an American author and queer activist and her podcast “We Can Do Hard Things” won two webby awards. She is empowering, inspirational and her quotes speak to and touch the heart. It has been said that when Glennon Doyle speaks, women listen and I’m one of those women.

“When a women finally learns that pleasing the world is impossible, she becomes free to learn how to please herself.”

Exactly where I’m at now.

“I looked hard at my faith, my friendships, my work, my sexuality, my entire life and asked, “How much of this was my idea? Who was I before I became who the world told me to be?”

I’ve asked myself the self-same question and the answer is, I was free as a bird!

“This life is mine alone. So I have stopped asking people for directions to places they’ve never been. There is no map, we are all pioneers.”

“I do not adjust myself to please the world. I am myself wherever I am, and I let the world adjust.”

I know this journey well. I am in the midst of it.

“I have met my self and I am going to care for her fiercely.”

Doing exactly that and I am seeing the benefits.

“We think our job as humans is to avoid pain, our job as parents is to protect our children from pain, and our job as friends is to fix each other’s pain. Maybe that’s why we all feel like failures so often – because we all have the wrong job description for love.”

This one made me stop in my tracks and to take a good hard look at what I’m doing.

“What I want to be, girls, is beautiful. Beautiful means ‘full of beauty.’ Beautiful is not about how you look on the outside. Beautiful is about what you’re made of. Beautiful people spend time discovering what their idea of beauty on this earth is. They know themselves well enough to know what they love, and they love themselves enough to fill up with a little of their particular kind of beauty each day.”

Beautifully said. What’s inside makes you shine on the outside and it can beat physical beauty hands down.

“Reading is my inhale and writing is my exhale.”

I haven’t done much inhaling lately but boy am I exhaling!

Have an amazing day and YOU ARE ENOUGH!

What I Learned in High School?

What did I learn in high school? I remember it was hectic, I was learning to adjust again and I was learning to take responsibility for my actions. I also learned that if I applied myself diligently I would get good grades and if I didn’t well I would have trouble at home!

Besides that, I met the ‘devil’ in the form of my Math teacher! I was teacher’s pet as far as the English teacher was concerned but the Math teacher was something else. He taught me how to hate Math with my whole being! He would say to me, “Tia, if only you were as good in Math as you are in English but you are not!” So I decided to get better. I would copy the answers from this good-looking boy in my class. The problem was I would have the workings all wrong but I had correct answers! Proud of myself, I would hand it in only to have this guy call me to the front of the class telling me to explain how I came up with the answers. He made Math class a living nightmare! Dad wasn’t any better. He was a Math whizz so he couldn’t understand why I was so dumb! The both of them together added to my disdain of Math and all things that had to do with that horrible subject.

I realize I could have been a whizz too if only they had gone about it a different way. So I learned to hate Math in high school. Not a big loss because I found out later that I had it in me, and I could do the basics pretty well but anything complicated and my brain shuts down! Numbers are not words and that is another problem right there!

Daily writing prompt

Describe something you learned in high school.

View all responses

The Journey (Archives)

I’ve talked about my journey many times before. It is a journey designed to get me somewhere. Where do I want to go? I want to get to the top of that mountain. I want to say that I made it there leaving all the things that did not serve me behind and I want to feel the freedom of knowing that the “journey” was worthwhile and I can finally breathe again.

“Over time, I have come to believe that “brave” does not mean what we think it does. It does not mean “being afraid” and doing it anyway. Nope. Brave means listening to the still small voice inside and doing as it says. Regardless of what the rest of the world is saying.” Glennon Doyle

I still have a long ways to go but then again easy doesn’t cut it. It takes soul-searching, giving up what holds me back, knowing what I want and the courage to move forward not knowing what that path forward holds. The unknown is always scary but what if there is a “better” than where I am now? A better life, a better existence and perhaps even a better love. I am looking for that needle in the haystack but he is well-hidden and if he is there staring me in the face, I don’t see him yet.

Recently, I shared with a friend that I’m on the verge of giving up as far as that special someone is concerned. I told him I am tired of making treks in the wrong direction and that perhaps love is not in the cards for me. Perhaps, I should just say enough already and give up altogether.

He listened quietly as I vented and then said, “In German there is a saying, you find happiness when you least expect it.” It was profound, perhaps even holding a modicum of truth and coming from a guy wearing a bandana, it made me sit up and take notice. Not that I have anything against bandana-wearing men, I just didn’t expect this kind of deep thinking from him. He’s the rugged outdoorsy type but obviously has a soft core which he keeps well-hidden not visible to the naked eye. That said, nope he is not my guy. Anyway, the light went back on. I realized that I had met my ex when I wasn’t looking. It was my first night out after a long while of mourning over a break up and there he was. Our paths crossed and unknown to us both, the wheels had been set in motion and there was no stopping the path we were on. Perhaps, the inevitable happens when you least expect it and when the time is right.

If that is true, could we make it just a tad easier please? And if it does happen let’s make it forever this time around.

“Breathe through it and release anything that does not serve you.” Unknown

I’m no stranger to breathing. I do all kinds of different breathing techniques, I don’t believe in leaving it to chance so why not try everything there is to try and I might just hit the right one, the breathing technique that is, at some point in time. I’m also hoping that my intuition will take over and point me in the right direction but then fear, my best friend, comes in and blows it all to pieces. This journey has not been easy and making the wrong move from time to time always brings me back to square one. The message is clear, move slowly, one foot in front of the other. Patience is a virtue but not in my case. I’m like a petulant child who stomps her feet and demands that she gets it NOW! Life is not putting up with my temper tantrums so here I am again wondering where I went wrong this last time? I have to learn to bide my time, move with caution for the way forward is not easy to navigate and one false move and I am back to where I started from and I don’t want that.

“I was lucky enough to have been to rock bottom before, right? So I know for a fact, that rock bottom is always the beginning of the newness. It hurts and its painful, and then there’s the waiting……where you don’t know what the hell is going on and you don’t think any of it is going to make sense and then,

THERE’S THE RISING.”

I am waiting to exhale. I am waiting for “the rising” when all is made new again and I am given another chance at life, at love, at living and finally breathing freely again. I am looking forward to saying, “It was tough but I made it!”

-Say the thing you must say.

-Go where you must go.

-Learn what you must leave.

-Do what you must do.

-Trust yourself.

When They Say:

You seem out of control…..

You Say:

Thank you. That’s the plan.

For the rest of my life.

Glennon Doyle

Have an amazing day.

–

LOL!

I wasn’t in a good mood yesterday so I went looking for something to lighten the mood and came up with these. It sure did the job so thought I’d share.

Wife: “How would you describe me?”

Husband: “ABCDEFGHIJK”

Wife: “What does that mean?”

Husband: “Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot.”

Wife: “Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?”

Husband: “I’m just kidding!”

Do you think he lived through it?

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Q: Is Google male or female?

A: Female, because it doesn’t let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.

Hmm?

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A lady comes home from her doctor’s appointment grinning from ear to ear. Her husband asks, “Why are you so happy?” She says, “The doctor told me that for a forty-five-year-old woman I have the breasts of an eighteen year old.”

“Oh yeah?” quipped her husband. “What did he say about your forty-five-year- old a**?

Wife: “Your name never came up in the conversation.”

That’ll teach him to be quiet the next time around.

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Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn’t wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn’t wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said “Happy Birthday boss!” I felt so special. She asked me out to lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, “Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?”

“Okay,” I said.

She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, and my colleagues all yelling, “SURPRISE!!!” while I was waiting on the sofa…..naked.

Obviously she wasn’t that kind of secretary but he obviously was that kind of boss!

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Have an amazing day.