life lessons – Page 6

K.I.S.S. (Archives)

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“Keep it simple and focus on what matters. Don’t let yourself be overwhelmed.” Confucius

Confucius knows what he is talking about but how many of us take that advice to heart? Our lives are filled with little and big things that we can’t control or overcome, we let drama take hold and it goes downhill from there.

Why can’t we just keep it simple? Perhaps, it’s because as “humans” we have an urge within to add complexity to the matter at hand. We have a need to complicate versus simplify and that right there is the problem. Complexity is the enemy of simplicity and we are masters at taking something simple and blowing it out of proportion so that it becomes one gigantic problem, add drama to it and you’ve got an almost unsolvable problem and it becomes anything but simple.

If you embrace simplicity, your life becomes less stressed and easier to navigate according to the people in the know.

“Simple means that the simplest explanation is usually the correct one. Let this be your mantra as you navigate the choppy waters of life. A recent Stanford study showed that participants who embraced a ‘simplicity first’ mentality were significantly happier, less stressed, and more likely to achieve their goals.”

What does keeping it simple mean? It means just that, keep things simple even though it is hard. Sounds like a conundrum? It might pretty well be. According to moderntherapy.online, here are some steps to help define what keeping it simple means.

Don’t expect too much.

Expect that things may not always be exactly how we want and try to be genuinely okay with it.

Don’t criticize

It is a lose-lose situation and it spreads negative energy. This leads to negative thinking and acting on it. Say or think something positive instead and move on.

Be Present

Living in the moment makes life simpler. Learn to be okay with your feelings even if they are uncomfortable.

Be Kind

Being kind will not only help to make yourself feel better, but it will allow others to get close to you so you can form positive and meaningful relationships.

Redefine things in your life

Attempt to redefine what is important and what it means to you. Prioritize things that will truly make you happy.

Ask why

Question yourself about why you do the things you do. If there are no meaningful answers then you shouldn’t be doing them. Be clear and ask if there is a clear purpose behind what you are doing.

Focus on yourself

Instead of focusing on everyone around you, bring the focus back to you. Shut down the outside noise and try to focus on the noise within. Life becomes better when you separate yourself from what other people think or their expectations.

Keep it simple. The next time life throws something your way which it inevitably will, instead of pouncing on it and turning it into a huge “WHY?” tone it down to, “It happened. Here’s what I am going to do about it.” Easier said than done? I know but worth a try don’t you think? Simplify and show complexity the door and maybe, just maybe it will stop coming around. Hmm…not holding my breath on this one either!

Keep It Simple

Missing somebody?……..CALL

Have a question?………ASK

Want to be understood?…….EXPLAIN

Don’t like something? ……….CHANGE IT

Love someone?………TELL THEM

Want to meet up?……..INVITE

Life is too short for drama.

K.I.S.S.

Keep It Simple Stupid

Have an amazing day.

BE YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND (Archives)

“Best Friends (circa 1910) Fred” by Museum of New Zealand/ CC0 1.0

“When you are your own best friend, you don’t endlessly seek out relationships, friendships, and validation from the wrong sources because you realize that the only approval and validation you need is your own.” Mandy Hale

How often have you looked to others for validation, to lift you up, to make you feel important, to give their approval and to make you feel loved? I know I have and found myself wallowing in self-pity or even questioning “me” as a person. I am learning that loving yourself comes first. YOU are important, what you tell yourself is important. Be kind and gentle here because the way you talk to yourself is important. Work on yourself, it is the key element to get you out of the rut. What rut? The stuck in the mud rut. Your goal is to get you moving to a better life and to feel comfortable with yourself.

Invest in Yourself

This may sound like a new concept because we spend a lot of our energy and money investing in materialistic things but in our rush to please ourselves, we forget the all-important person who is left wanting. Invest in time spent with yourself, this doesn’t take much but dedication. A walk in nature to nurture your soul, meditation to look inwards and find peace, working out to bolster your health or even spend time talking to yourself. If you have the means, pamper yourself. Go for a massage, get a facial, get a manicure or pedicure and no, it doesn’t mean you are vain. It just means you are putting yourself first and showing love to the person who matters the most and that is YOU.

Invest in your Environment

Your home is your castle? Work to make it that way. Spruce up your garden, plant flowers that give you joy when they bloom and fill your space with color. Redo your living area and or your bedroom and add things to make you feel comfortable. Make it a place you love spending time in and love coming back to but most of all, a place where you can relax and pamper your soul.

Get Rid of the Unwanted

This is hard. If you want to be your own best friend, you need to make space for the important things. Get rid of the things that bog you down, the people who make you question who you are because they are in a bad place in their lives. If their only goal in life is to bring you down to their level of despair, let them go! Sometimes getting rid of the unwanted makes room for what is needed. New friends, love, laughter, joy and peace.

Say this to yourself and mean it.

“You are hands down, my favorite person.” Unknown

Being your own best friend takes time as it is with everything that matters. Be forgiving, speak softly and lovingly to yourself, encourage yourself, love yourself and work towards looking in the mirror and loving the person staring back at you. Be your own validation and life will get easier.

How to be your own best friend:

“Look in the mirror and give yourself a high-five.

Ask yourself often, “how are you feeling?”

Cry when you need to.

Give yourself a hug.

Forgive yourself for going back to old patterns and behaviors.

Encourage yourself with words you would use to encourage a friend.” Unknown

Good luck and I am on the self-same journey.

Have an amazing day.

REAL LOVE (Archives)

A Series on Getting Back on Track.

“The difference between real love and fake love is this. Real love is so quick to resume its original shape after being stretched and expanded always to recover no matter what it endures. Fake love is brittle, it breaks over even the simplest of things.” Unknown

If you are searching for love as I am, it is important to know the difference between the two. Real love takes time to cultivate, it’s not WHAM! BAM! and you’re in love. Some people may believe this is the case or rather they call it love at first sight. I had a few of those in my younger days but now that I’m older and wiser those butterflies in my stomach do not flutter like they used to.

These days I am a critic of the worst kind where love is concerned. If you thought Sherlock Holmes was good, I am better. I tell myself I am looking for true love, the kind that lasts a lifetime so playing detective to the hilt falls into the realm of weeding out the “fakes” to get at that one true love.

Fakes they are aplenty. They come out of the woodwork when you least expect it and in a blink of an eye, they’re in love and want to take it to the next level. The problem is if they winked at you once, they’ll wink twice at someone else. They’re prone to take it way past the winking stage if you know what I mean. They’ll love you so long as it is convenient for them but they’ll just as quickly run off to greener pastures when the opportunity presents itself. Dependable they are not and short-term is the name of the game. They’ll break your heart in a minute and move on without looking back and leave you holding the remnants of your heart in your hands and wondering what happened. Don’t bother questioning why? Just know you want better.

The “real” ones don’t come out to play, well not often anyway. They’re the ones with integrity, self-worth, honesty and they stand their ground when it comes to love. They’re not wishy-washy but unfortunately there are not many of them to go around unlike the other kind, they’re a dime a dozen.

Needless to say, I’m holding out for “real” love. If it takes time, so be it. However, universe if you are listening, I ask that you bring him sooner than later, at least before the butterflies are totally dead in my stomach!

I’m not going to say I hope because according to a certain life coach this has a negative connotation and will bring more of the same. I’m going to say, I KNOW it will happen. Fingers crossed!

Have an amazing day.

ANGER (Archives)

A wise man was asked what is anger? He gave a beautiful answer. It is a punishment we give to ourself, for somebody else’s mistake.”

I know that anger has been a constant companion in my life for the last several years. It is a powerful emotion that comes easily when something doesn’t go right or when there is a feeling that someone has done you wrong. Sometimes it motivates you to do better, to let go and move on but at other times there is this other variety that grabs hold and refuses to let go. Fortunately, mine has been of the milder version, it grabs hold, I let it boil for a while and then it subsides and I find ways to deal with it. I have heard some people say that they don’t let anger get the best of them but I say, I DON’T believe you! It is a natural emotion and if you’re human, it is going to affect you one way or another.

A girlfriend once told me that when she gets angry, she gets totally bent out of shape. Her idea of letting out steam was to stick needles in a voodoo doll hoping that her ex-husband’s new girlfriend would feel it from here and to the heavens and back! Whatever floats your boat. Would you call that rage? Perhaps, it is also an emotion that needs reeling in before it becomes something else.

“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” Mark Twain

Today has not been a good day. It is a beautiful almost spring-like day but the news I got was anything but. My first response was to feel angry and to ask WHY? It went downhill from there. I decided to take a walk to clear my mind and to come up with solutions to my problem. I walked out the front door, turned the corner to head to the open fields and lo and behold, the road was under construction and filled with cranes, men and noise! I felt the anger slowly rising not that it needed much help at this point. I was looking to vent and I just needed an excuse to let it all out.

I kept on walking and soon I was out in the open leaving the chaos behind me. The sky was a perfect blue, the grass a glorious green and to add to the serene picture several rabbits were out in the open and chasing each other and I felt myself deflate. The slow simmer was back to normal and I walked taking in nature’s antidote to anger. I was slowly returning to normal.

“When angry count to ten before you speak. If very angry, count to one hundred.” Thomas Jefferson

Or take a walk as I did and let nature help you to see the bigger picture and get you out of the tunnel vision which has the tendency to draw you into the depths of despair.

Deep breathing, meditating, working out, getting into your Zen-Zone can all help to dissipate anger. However, anger is a natural emotion, let it play out or reel it in but don’t let it get out of hand. Know when to get off the anger mode, accept it for what it is, just a temporary obstacle that can be overcome.

Here are more quotes to help you do just that:

“ANGER doesn’t solve anything. It builds nothing, but it can destroy everything.” Lawrence Douglas Wilder

“You cannot see your reflection in boiling water, similarly you cannot see the truth in a state of anger. When the waters calm clarity comes.” Unknown

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” Buddha

Lastly,

Understanding Anger

“The goal isn’t to never feel ANGRY. The goal is to UNDERSTAND your anger and to choose HEALTHY ways to respond to it.” Unknown

RUMI

Jalal al-Din Rumi was a 13th century poet. He was born in Afghanistan and he was a Sufi mystic whose poetry embraces themes of “overcoming fear and persevering through challenges.” He speaks of finding strength in vulnerability and to be grateful for whatever comes. I find courage and beauty in his words and it touches my soul AND his words are one of great wisdom.

“Stop acting so small. You are the universe in ecstatic motion.”

I do act small when first faced with adversity but it is only a matter of time before I rise again knowing that I can deal with this too.

“I want to sing like the birds sing, not worrying about who hears or what they think.”

This one speaks to who I am, I am one with nature and I find freedom with the animals and the bird life and often I want to sing like I used to as a young child not caring who listens or who is watching. I do that with my writing too.

“If everything around you seems dark, look again, you may be the LIGHT.”

Simply beautiful and when darkness surrounds seeing the light in you doesn’t seem like a bad thing to me.

“The wound is the place where the light enters you.”

This one tugged at my heart when I first saw it. My first thought, I don’t feel the light but he is speaking of another kind of light, the kind that teaches and heals.

“The moment you accept what troubles you’ve been given, the door will open.”

Moving on requires acceptance and that is precisely the point here. Done that many times over.

“When you go through a hard period, when everything seems to oppose you, when you feel you cannot even bear one more minute, NEVER GIVE UP! Because it is the time and place that the course will divert!”

I guess you have to hit ground zero before life turns around. Can we make it a little easier please?

“Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.”

This one makes grieving a little less painful, at least it did for me.

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today, I am wise, so I am changing myself.”

This last one is so poetic. Yes I wanted to change the world, I still do but nowadays it is more about changing “me” first.

Have an amazing day.

Yesterday (Archives)

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Someone once said, you are NOT yesterday. True but the stories we tell ourselves, the narratives that we trap ourselves in sometimes tell us that we are. Yesterday does carry some weight because it helps to define who we are today. The memories of yesterday can mold or break us, it can teach us not to do the same things over and over again and more often than not, it gives us the strength to carry on. The truth of the matter is that we cannot rewrite history and we cannot go back and change the outcome of a story that happened and is now done with. Yesterday is just that, it was and is a part of our past and except for the revisits from time to time of well-kept memories, it is nothing more than that. It is a story that is finished, it has taken its final bow or curtain call and so must we by letting it go.

This is what I tell myself on the journey I am on. I can’t keep carrying yesterday on my back or like an albatross around my neck. The load is heavy and it makes me want to stop, turn around and run back to what was familiar even if that familiarity has the power to hurt like hell. The unknown before me is terrifying and anything is better than this right? What’s in front is shrouded in fog, it is dark and foreboding and forging through it takes superhuman effort but the small negative voice within me which at times roars like a waterfall tells me that I can’t do it! Take small steps, one step at a time, you don’t have to know everything, just trust and you will get there says this other shaky voice but there are no other options, moving forward is where I need to go.

Sometimes it is the boundaries we place around ourselves that trap us, that tell us that the imaginary world we live in is so much better than what is waiting out there. Sure it was painful but there was greatness too. It was filled with things I knew and cherished, in one word, it is irreplaceable. The stories we tell ourselves are the fences we place around us. Was yesterday that great? Did we embellish it like a Christmas tree to make it sparkle and shine when the reality is a different story? Do the stories we tell ourselves distort reality and yet it is the truth as we see it or is it because we want to see it that way?

Harold R. Johnson said, “We are all story. We are the stories we are told and we are the stories we tell ourselves. To change our circumstances, we need to change our story: edit it, modify it, or completely rewrite it.”

I don’t want to completely rewrite my past. I want to take the good parts with me, the bad parts I want to thank for teaching me lessons I would not have learned otherwise and the pain? Well, I want to leave that behind where it belongs. Enough tears have been shed, enough wishing that it could have been different has not made it less so and closing the door behind me and moving on is the way to go. The next chapter is waiting and yesterday is done with.

“Forget yesterday – it has already forgotten you. Don’t sweat tomorrow – you haven’t even met. Instead, open your eyes and heart to a truly precious gift – today.” Steve Maraboli

Here’s to yesterday. You taught me lessons I didn’t want to learn but had to accept. You gave me memories I will forever treasure. You made me who I am today and for that I will forever be thankful.

Today is a blank slate.

Have an amazing day.

Standing Strong (Archive)

Weakness is easy. It doesn’t take much to get us there. It could be brought about by the breakdown of a relationship or a situation in life that brings us to our knees. During these times, “weakness” will come around holding out its hands to us and more often than not we are more than willing to stay for awhile and wallow there in the darkness. Be very careful of weakness, it’s a false friend. It is inadequate, feeble, lacking in firmness and strength is not one of its attributes. Know when to let go and stand back up.

“We do not have to become heroes overnight. Just a step at a time, meeting each thing that comes up, seeing it as not as dreadful as it appeared, discovering we have the strength to stare it down.” Eleanor Roosevelt

Choose your lessons carefully if you don’t want darkness than don’t stand in it. There are things that happen in life that we have no control over but there are the ones that we know exactly what we are getting into. For example, the people we choose to have relationships with knowing full well that we are headed for disaster from the get go or the things we shouldn’t do and yet it beckons and we go for it ignoring the consequences or choosing to go into the lion’s den knowing full well what is awaiting us there. Choose to stand in the light.

“If you want the light to come into your life, you need to stand where it is shining.” Guy Finley

Not always easy I know. Being strong when faced with adversity is not always doable. Being strong when standing in the dark and faced with the unknown is scary. Being strong when all you want to do is throw up your hands is one of the hardest things to do. I learned my hardest lessons not when things and situations were at their best but when they were at their most difficult. The lessons we learn when we are at our most vulnerable are the ones that help us as we make our way through life and the ones that help to shore us up for the lessons to come. The ones that teach us we are not breakable but pliable and like that tree that moves and bends as the wind picks up, we too are fully capable of handling whatever life throws our way.

“You never know how strong you are, until being strong is your only choice.” Bob Marley

Have an amazing day.

Keep Going (Archives)

I wrote this last year and things have changed but I am still working on the project, the project being me. There is still work to be done.

The path ahead is unclear. It is scary. It is often filled with obstacles which we have to cross to make it up that mountain. We find ourselves on our way and then we take a tumble and we find ourselves not back to square one but somewhere in between and that is where I am now.

The weekend was filled with uncertainties and all my good intentions seemed to have flown out the window. I thought I was doing so well only to find that being on my way, moving on from the here and now is a long process. It doesn’t happen overnight and neither does it happen in a few days, a few weeks or a few months. It is an ongoing process which involves falling, picking yourself back up and having the courage to say, “Here I go again!”

“When you walk in the fire, you start becoming fireproof.” Hiral Nagada

I spent the weekend looking for excuses as to why I CAN’T do this and that is often the case with me. It is easier to look for excuses than to move on. Fear is another factor which plays into my inner being and that little voice within, the one that acts like a little kid keeps tugging and keeps saying you are not capable of making it to the other side. However, there is this other voice which refuses to give up and if given the chance, it will become a deafening roar that pushes me to my limits and lets me know that there is strength, unbeatable strength within and all I need to do is stand back up and start moving. Just remember that it will get worse before it gets better it says and that is the truth.

It takes time, it takes effort and it takes hard work to get to the top of the mountain and there will be times when I will take a fall and land where I don’t want to be, lost in my own excuses of why I can’t move on. Acknowledge but don’t get too comfortable where you are. It is a no man’s land and you want better so stand back up and look towards that open door and go through it because failure is not an option.

“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I’ll try again tomorrow.” Mary Ann Radmacher

Also remember that failure is a choice, standing still is not an option and walking away from things that keep you from achieving your goals is the right thing to do no matter how painful it is. Let go of things which don’t serve you and make the commitment to keep going and you will arrive at where you need to be. My mission for this week is to keep moving, one step at a time and to keep going.

“No matter how bad things are right now.

No matter how stuck you feel,

No matter how many days you’ve spent wishing things were different,

No matter how hopeless and depressed you feel,

I promise you won’t feel this way forever.” Unknown

Here’s a story of hope. Last year, I uprooted a peony bush because it was growing too close to a fence and its growth was being stunted. I decided to move it to a smaller area where I thought it would thrive. There was a risk that it might not survive the process at all. All through winter, it looked like it had died. A week ago, I noticed that it was sprouting! Today, when I walked out the front door I noticed that new leaves were forming and it was budding and there were five buds on this tiny plant. Perhaps, it is a lesson from nature that even in the deepest darkest of times when we think all is lost, life is working its magic to show us that patience wins out and “better” is on its way.

If all else fails, remember that it is not Amazon Prime, the delivery doesn’t happen in one or two days!

IT TAKES TIME.

Have an amazing day.

Time (Archive)

“Time and tide waits for no man.” Geoffrey Chaucer

I was discussing time with a friend and told him jokingly that this year I was going to hold on tight and make time go as slowly as possible. He laughed because he knew as well as I did that holding onto time is an impossible task and the truth is, it flies and trying to keep up is the only thing to do.

Zig Ziglar said, “Lack of direction not lack of time is the problem. We all have 24-hour days.”

True but sometimes it seems that the days fly by and just when you think it is the beginning of the week, lo and behold, it’s the weekend again. When we look back, it is clear that we waste a lot of time on things that don’t matter, on people we shouldn’t be wasting our time on and perhaps just sitting around and wishing and hoping that things were different. I’ve started a routine to make the days count because lost time is just that. You are not getting it back ever again. I’ve started writing down everything I do during the course of the day. There are no hard and fast rules so I give myself permission to write down my thoughts and feelings as well as improvement ideas. Surprisingly, I’ve been keeping up and getting a lot accomplished and some days I pat myself on the back and say, “Great job, you’re giving time a run for the money! Keep it up.” It really has slowed time down for me. Try this approach, you might just like it.

“The bad news is time flies. The good news is you’re the pilot.” Michael Altshuler

This year I want to take the time to smell the roses which means taking more time for myself mentally and physically. I want to do things that will bring an improvement to and will enrich my life. I am not going to let a day go by without doing something productive. That said, I am going to find the time to relax, not going to sweat the small stuff and let time keep up with me instead of the other way around! Doable? Anything is doable if you put your mind to it.

“All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” J.R.R. Tolkien

Have an amazing day.

The Strength Within

It is there, it is invisible and it stays dormant until it is called upon to show you and the world that YOU are strong, you are undefeatable and you are a force to be reckoned with. Not all of us are that strong and when life throws those lessons our way, we crumble, we push back but after all is said and done and looking back at the past you realize that that “strength” was always there, it just took a little time getting there.

Here are some quotes that speak to the heart of the matter.

“Sometimes the strength within you is not a big fiery flame for all to see, it is just a tiny spark that whispers softly, ‘You got this, keep going.” Unknown

“Courage is not having the strength to go on, it is going on when you don’t have the strength.” Theodore Roosevelt

“One day you will tell your story of how you overcame what you went through and it will be someone else’s survival guide.” Brene Brown

“Life doesn’t get easier or more forgiving, we get stronger and more resilient.” Steve Maraboli

I love this next one. It shows that the spirit is not easily won over.

“I wear my bruises and scars like armor. Marks of battles fought in silence and storms endured out loud.

My pain? It’s the fire that forges resilience, a testament to the strength that refuses to break. I’m still here, unyielding and undefeated.” Unknown

“You have within you, right now, everything you need to deal with whatever the world can throw at you.” Brian Tracy

“The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places.” Ernest Hemingway

The last two speaks of understanding and of acceptance and still having the courage and the strength to move on.

“Someone I once loved gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this, too, was a gift.” Mary Oliver

AND

“Nothing can dim the light which shines from within.” Maya Angelou

Let Your Light Shine!

Have an amazing day.