life lessons – Page 6

Where Are You Going?

Do you know? Do you know where your next destination is? Do you have a plan in mind? Or are you thinking, I’ll take whatever comes my way? Here’s the problem.

“If you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there.” Lewis Carroll

Is that where you want to go? Just anywhere? I think you want better just as I do. Any road is not going to take me to where I want to go. I want better, I want better than what I left behind and I KNOW where I want to go. Having a destination matters and even if it’s not clear as it should be, having a plan, albeit a vague one, helps you to get moving towards your goal.

“If you don’t know where you’re going, how are you going to get there.” Unknown

Good question but often we are caught between the past and the future. We have one foot in yesterday, or maybe for some of us both feet back there, and we’re pretending like we’re moving on when in actuality we are staying put where we are, holding on to the memories and mistakes of yesterday. You can’t move on when you keep looking at that closed door. It’s not going to open and if by chance it does open, it will bring more of the same because it hasn’t changed but it has the power to hold you captive for a long, long time.

“Each season of your life is here to help you write a different part of your story. Stop living inside past chapters.

You’ve learned lessons and you’re better for them. Honor where you are and soak up everything this season has to offer you.” Unknown

Each season has something to offer but you’ve got to keep moving to find out what is waiting for you in the next one. So, where are you headed today? Are headed somewhere nice or are your feet moving forward but you’re eyes are trained back to where you came from? Letting go is not as simple as it seems. You can say, “I let go,” but really doing it is another thing altogether. Been there, done that, and still doing it! Only you can do the act of “letting go” and only you know when the right time is for you. Don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise. They are not walking in your shoes. Take your time but do it. Moving forward and letting go of the past requires that one monumental step, that of closing the chapter behind you.

“Keep going, because the best is yet to come.

Keep going, because you’re stronger than you think you are.

Keep going, because every step forward brings you one step closer to your goals.

Keep going, because you deserve to see what happens when all of your hard work pays off.”

Have an amazing day, breathe and keep moving forward.

The Little Things

“Sometimes we get so caught up in trying to accomplish something big, that we fail to notice the little things that give life its magic.” Unknown

The “little things” or rather appreciating those seemingly minor or unimportant moments that go to make up life is of minute importance but they are important so today I’m going to concentrate on them and give them the credit they deserve.

The cooing of the pigeons usually irritates me but this morning I’ve decided to let it fly over my head! It has been said that pigeons coo in the mornings, “to communicate with each other, often to attract mates or to defend their territory.” Nice, but I’m not going to get on the rooftop to “attract my mate!” He’s on the way so I’ll let him take his time getting here.

In the meantime, the hot cup of coffee is soothing and the song of the blackbirds out there is like a symphony in my head. Chachi, the cat, stretched out in front of the fan and cooling himself off brings a smile to my face. We’re smack dap in the middle of a heatwave and nothing is helping. Not showers, not roomy t-shirts and not even flip-flops! Nothing much anyone can do but to make the best of it. The Dyson fan is doing a great job of keeping things cool and that is one of the little things.

“I try to find a reason to laugh each day. Somehow, if you can incorporate laughter into your day, everyday, it really helps. It’s the little things in life that make me happy.” Faith Hill

I truly believe in the soothing qualities of laughter. Chachi helps me in that respect. His wobbly gait as he chases a lone fly that had somehow survived the night and is now on his radar makes me laugh. I know that it’s just a matter of time before it too meets its maker!

Note to Self: Cut back on feeding the fly catcher!

A text message saying, “Good morning and have a wonderful week,” puts a smile on my face. It came early but he’s caring that way. Just something small, not a big, gorgeous bouquet of flowers but something small to say, I’m thinking of you,” and it was enough to put a different spin on my day.

The news is droning on in the background. Nothing much is happening and news of Trump and his antics makes me want to roll my eyes and do a heave ho but NOT today. I’m about the “little things” today. Things that bring joy, things that I take for granted and things that show me that life is made up of those little things. Pay attention to them for they have the ability to change your mood, to lighten your load and to put a smile on your face.

What about the big things? They’re there but somehow in the grand scheme of things, they don’t matter as much in the here and now.

“Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.” Robert Brault

AND

“It’s the little things that usually have the greatest impact in life.

A smile, a hug, a thank you and a compliment.” Unknown

Exactly what I’m going to focus and concentrate on today.

Have an amazing day.

RUMI (Archives)

Jalal al-Din Rumi was a 13th century poet. He was born in Afghanistan and he was a Sufi mystic whose poetry embraces themes of “overcoming fear and persevering through challenges.” He speaks of finding strength in vulnerability and to be grateful for whatever comes. I find courage and beauty in his words and it touches my soul AND his words are one of great wisdom.

“Stop acting so small. You are the universe in ecstatic motion.”

I do act small when first faced with adversity but it is only a matter of time before I rise again knowing that I can deal with this too.

“I want to sing like the birds sing, not worrying about who hears or what they think.”

This one speaks to who I am, I am one with nature and I find freedom with the animals and the bird life and often I want to sing like I used to as a young child not caring who listens or who is watching. I do that with my writing too.

“If everything around you seems dark, look again, you may be the LIGHT.”

Simply beautiful and when darkness surrounds seeing the light in you doesn’t seem like a bad thing to me.

“The wound is the place where the light enters you.”

This one tugged at my heart when I first saw it. My first thought, I don’t feel the light but he is speaking of another kind of light, the kind that teaches and heals.

“The moment you accept what troubles you’ve been given, the door will open.”

Moving on requires acceptance and that is precisely the point here. Done that many times over.

“When you go through a hard period, when everything seems to oppose you, when you feel you cannot even bear one more minute, NEVER GIVE UP! Because it is the time and place that the course will divert!”

I guess you have to hit ground zero before life turns around. Can we make it a little easier please?

“Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.”

This one makes grieving a little less painful, at least it did for me.

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today, I am wise, so I am changing myself.”

This last one is so poetic. Yes I wanted to change the world, I still do but nowadays it is more about changing “me” first.

Have an amazing day.

Settling for Less

“Never settle for less than you desire or deserve because when you accept crumbs people will assume that you will be happy with scraps.” @StacyBranche

Women do this more than men do. Perhaps it’s because we want to feel wanted at any cost and even if that person isn’t who we want, we see it, we feel it deep within and we know that he isn’t the right one, but when “settling” walks in we accept what we normally wouldn’t only to find ourselves in an unhappy relationship.

“If you put someone at the top of your priority list and they put you at the bottom of theirs, maybe it’s time to get out the eraser.” Susan Gale

I love this quote from Susan Gale. That eraser doesn’t see the light of day because we’re so busy making sure that the person who takes us for granted and always puts us at the bottom of their list gets treated like royalty.

Settling for less is defined as, “accepting something or someone that is below your desired or expected standard.” It also equates to staying with a partner who doesn’t fully meet your needs or with whom you’re not truly happy.” Knowing that, why are we so quick at wanting to settle for less?

Some reasons, according to experts, is that we are afraid of being alone, low self-esteem and consistently making concessions, where one partner concedes and accepts while the other doesn’t reciprocate or meet their needs.

When you settle for less you’ll find yourself in a backburner relationship which means, “they’ll keep you around their orbits because they want to be with you – but at their convenience.” They’ll come up with excuses such as, “I’m not ready for commitment yet,” or “they’re working on themselves,” and the classic which goes like this. “Just not now.” That’s where this next quote fits in perfectly.

“Don’t settle. Either they will wake up to the fact that you are worth more…… or you will.” Charles J. Orlando

Know that you’re worth so much more than what you’re willing to settle for. If he’s a loser, let him go. If he’s a procrastinator, definitely let him go and if he’s an a**, run and don’t look back! You deserve better and definitely don’t make yourself into a mouse because the cat will eat you!

“There is no passion to be found playing small – in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.” Nelson Mandela

Aim high and reach for the stars because YOU deserve only the best. You belong in the winner’s circle so act like you’re already there and show the losers the door with no hesitation whatsoever. Something better is on the way.

“Sometimes the hardest part of being a great catch is accepting not everyone’s hands are strong enough to hold you.” Unknown

Keep that in mind and have an amazing day.

BE YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND (Archives)

“Best Friends (circa 1910) Fred” by Museum of New Zealand/ CC0 1.0

“When you are your own best friend, you don’t endlessly seek out relationships, friendships, and validation from the wrong sources because you realize that the only approval and validation you need is your own.” Mandy Hale

How often have you looked to others for validation, to lift you up, to make you feel important, to give their approval and to make you feel loved? I know I have and I have found myself wallowing in self-pity or even questioning my self-worth as a person. I am learning that loving yourself comes first. YOU are important, what you tell yourself is important. Be kind and gentle here because the way you talk to yourself is important. Work on yourself, it is the key element to get you out of the rut. What rut? The stuck in the mud rut. Your goal is to get you moving to a better life and to feel comfortable with yourself.

Invest in Yourself

This may sound like a new concept because we spend a lot of our energy and money in so many materialistic things but in our rush to please ourselves, we forget the all-important person who is left wanting. Invest in time spent with yourself, this doesn’t take much but dedication. A walk in nature to nurture your soul, meditation to look inwards and find peace, working out to bolster your health or even spend time talking to yourself. If you have the means, pamper yourself. Go for a massage, get a facial, get a manicure or a pedicure, and no it doesn’t mean you are vain. It just means you are putting yourself first and showing love to the person who matters the most and that is YOU.

Invest in your Environment

Your home is your castle? Work to make it that way. Spruce up your garden, plant flowers that give you joy when they bloom and fill your space with color. Redo your living area and or your bedroom and add things to make you feel comfortable. Make it a place you love spending time in and love coming back to but most of all, a place where you can relax and pamper your soul.

Get Rid of the Unwanted

This is hard. If you want to be your own best friend, you need to make space for the important things. Get rid of the things that bog you down, the people who make you question who you are because they are in a bad place in their lives. If their only goal in life is to bring you down to their level of despair, let them go! Sometimes getting rid of the unwanted makes room for what is needed. New friends, love, laughter, joy and peace.

Say this to yourself and mean it.

“You are hands down, my favorite person.” Unknown

Being your own best friend takes time as it is with everything that matters. Be forgiving, speak softly and lovingly to yourself, encourage yourself, love yourself and work towards looking in the mirror and loving the person staring back at you. Be your own validation and life will get easier.

How to be your own best friend:

“Look in the mirror and give yourself a high-five.

Ask yourself often, “how are you feeling?”

Cry when you need to.

Give yourself a hug.

Forgive yourself for going back to old patterns and behaviors.

Encourage yourself with words you would use to encourage a friend.” Unknown

Good luck and I am on the self-same journey. See you on the other side.

Have an amazing day.

The Leopard’s Spots

The definition of “a leopard never changes its spots” is this. “It signifies that people cannot fundamentally alter their character, even if they try. It also implies that innate traits, whether good or bad, remain fixed.”

Have you met one or two along the way? Did you choose to tango with them and in so doing lose a part of yourself? You’re not the only one. They’re out there and like the predator that they are, they’ll feed on you if you let them.

They are the liars, the cheaters and the ones who march to a different drumbeat. Not one of integrity, honesty or decency like people with good behavior traits do, rather they’ve learned they can prey on someone and when they’ve had their fill they’ll move on to the next victim with no consequences whatsoever.

“A leopard never changes his spots….he just changes what tree he sleeps in….or who he sleeps with.” Unknown

Are you hanging on to someone who doesn’t deserve your loyalty? Has he shown you his “spots” but you refuse to see them? Are you hoping that in time he’ll change? Or are you praying that you’ll be the one to change him?

STEP BACK!

Those behavior traits are ingrained in them. Perhaps, they can’t change who they are but you can change how you deal with them.

KNOW THIS:

“No matter how much a snake sheds skin. It’s still a snake.” Unknown

And that applies to the leopard as well. They’ll change their tactics, they’ll change their hunting style, they’ll whisper sweet nothings in your ear, they’ll look you in the eye and make you believe that they’re the next best thing to sliced bread. You can do one better. Walk away before it’s too late and you become another prey in their animal kingdom!

“Something I learned about people…..if they do it once, they’ll do it again.” Unknown

AND

“Rain wets the leopard’s skin but does not wash out the spots.” African Proverb

It’s just a matter of time before those spots reappear and the leopard is ready to pounce again!

A LEOPARD DOES NOT CHANGE ITS SPOTS!

Keep your distance and stay safe.

Have an amazing day.

LIMITLESS

Photo by Arthur FlyingPenguin Guillemot on Pexels.com

“There is one grand lie – that we are limited. The only limits we have are the limits we believe.” Wayne Dyer

Do you feel smaller than you are or have you made yourself to feel that way? Did one careless word, a disdainful look or one mean retort shrink you down to size? Did you believe those lies willingly? Often, we take those lies thrown in our direction and run with them and we come up with more lies. I am not worthy, I am not enough, I am not equipped to deal with whatever life throws my way and I just can’t! That last one is my mantra. I CAN’T!

YOU ARE LIMITLESS

“The most powerful words in the universe are the words you say to yourself.” Unknown

Be careful of what you say to yourself. Limiting beliefs are just that, they stop you from achieving or moving towards the goals you want to achieve. Words and phrases like, I’m not beautiful, I’m not good enough, I’m not intelligent enough and I’m not worthy enough but perhaps the most damaging is, “I don’t deserve it.” Limiting words stop us in our treks and they stop us from achieving our goals. Be careful of what you tell yourself because YOU ARE LISTENING! Let’s change the narrative and put a positive spin on things.

SAY:

I AM LIMITLESS AND I BELIEVE I AM!

“Your potential is limitless. You are unique, valuable, capable and worthy of the dreams in your heart. Most of all, you have what it takes to transform and transcend whatever challenges you face.” Marie Forleo

YOU, my friend, are limitless. There is a vast limitless potential within you. You have everything within you to soar as high as you want. You have the ability to climb the highest mountain and to make it to the very top. In order to get there, you have to change what you tell yourself because you are made of stronger stuff. YOU can fly if you want to. Change your mindset, do the work and the rest will fall in place.

YOU ARE LIMITLESS!

Have an amazing day.

REAL LOVE (Archives)

“The difference between real love and fake love is this. Real love is so quick to resume its original shape after being stretched and expanded always to recover no matter what it endures.

Fake love is brittle, it breaks over even the simplest of things.”

If you are searching for love as I am, it is important to know the difference between the two. Real love takes time to cultivate, it’s not WHAM! BAM! and you’re in love. Some people may believe this is the case or rather they call it love at first sight. I had a few of those in my younger days but now that I’m older and wiser those butterflies in my stomach do not flutter like they used to.

These days I am a critic of the worst kind where love is concerned. If you thought Sherlock Holmes was good, I am better. I tell myself I am looking for true love, the kind that lasts a lifetime so playing detective to the hilt falls into the realm of weeding out the “fakes” to get at that one true love.

Fakes they are aplenty. They come out of the woodwork when you least expect it and in a blink of an eye, they’re in love and want to take it to the next level. The problem is if they winked at you once, they’ll wink twice at someone else. They’re prone to take it way past the winking stage if you know what I mean. They’ll love you so long as it is convenient for them but they’ll just as quickly run off to greener pastures when the opportunity presents itself. Dependable they are not and short-term is the name of the game. They’ll break your heart in a minute and move on without looking back and leave you to hold the remnants of your heart in your hands and you’re left wondering what happened. Don’t bother questioning why? Just know you want better.

The “real” ones don’t come out to play, well not often anyway. They’re the ones with integrity, self-worth, honesty and they stand their ground when it comes to love. They’re not wishy-washy but unfortunately there are not many of them to go around unlike the other kind, they’re a dime a dozen.

Needless to say, I’m holding out for “real” love. If it takes time, so be it. However, universe if you are listening, I ask that you bring him sooner than later, at least before the butterflies are totally dead in my stomach!

I’m not going to say I hope because according to a certain life coach this has a negative connotation and will bring more of the same. I’m going to say, I KNOW it will happen. Fingers crossed!

Have an amazing day.

Helicopter Whirring!

A friend sent me an article yesterday and it irritated me to no end! I felt my hackles rise but honestly, there was some truth to the article and later, much later, I realized that maybe, just maybe I was one of them.

LET’S DEFINE HELICOPTER PARENTING

“A term for parents who hover over their kids, always ready to swoop in and solve every problem. They’re over-attentive and overly fearful of their child’s experiences and challenges.”

GUILTY! GUILTY! GUILTY!

I was and still am overly-protective of the little guy although he is not so little anymore. Divorce and being a single mom threw my world, my regimented world, into one that could only be described as helter-skelter! Trying to find order where there was none was a big problem. Learning to swim again after being thrown in the deep end of the pool was next to impossible and bring “parenting” into such a situation and you’ve got “helicopter parenting” in the making, in my case anyway. I wanted to protect him from the pain, the anger, the confusion, the despair and a whole host of other emotions that I couldn’t control but I could make it easier with the love I showered on him. Bring fear of the unknown into the picture and I was “warrior mom” ready to go up against anyone who so much as sneezed in his direction! However, it didn’t stop me from teaching him what is right and wrong, to stand up for himself, and to be a good and decent human being.

He has been on his own for the last five or six years, studying and taking care of things on his own. I have been there every step of the way but from a distance! It was HARD but I made it somehow. Last year, he finished up with a better than average grade and I couldn’t have been prouder. Then came the tedious task of looking for a job and never having worked a day in his life made it harder still. He took it all in stride and landed two jobs. The first one paid well but involved travel and lots of stress! He opted for the second one at a five-star hotel. He made his choice and he has been working at the hotel for two months now. Just recently, there was an incident involving a guest high on drugs and in possession of a gun! The old me screamed with fear within but I listened as he talked. It turned out that he handled it like a pro!

Early this morning, the phone rang. It was 1:30 a.m. and I knew it couldn’t be anything good. Sure enough, he said, “I’ve locked myself out of the apartment!” I gulped and the old “helicopter mom” would have asked, “How can I help?’ Instead, I let him talk. He explained he had called the building superintendent and he was on the way. Half an hour later, he was back in his apartment.

“I think that instead of helicoptering our kids, we should be strapping some parachutes on their backs made out of things like common sense, kindness, and courage.

Then we should teach them to jump.” Unknown

And be ready to catch them if the parachute fails!

Honestly, I think I did a good job of raising this young man. Sure, there are things I could have done better but he’s on his way and that is all that matters. Next week, he has his second interview after acing the first one. This could be his forever job. Fingers and toes crossed AND I’m leaving the “helicopter” in the cupboard like the friend asked me too!

Five Ways to Transform

If you’re looking for ways to transform your life, here are five tips that will get you on your way. These five rules come from Buddhist teachings and if applied daily and in the mornings before your daily grind starts or even before having your first cup of coffee, they will help you to see life in a different light. I’ve been practicing these five rules for about a week now and it has made me calmer, more in tune with myself and believe it or not, my mind is under control as well!

Find a quiet spot and take three deep breaths to center yourself. Repeat each affirmation two or three times to let it sink in and take hold.

I am grateful for this new day.

Really simple but not so simple for some of us. Gratefulness needs to be learned and if practiced daily, it can transform your life in a positive way. Come up with one or two things you are grateful for and go from there.

Let go of yesterday.

This is a hard one. How often do we carry “yesterday” and all its disappointments, anger and sadness like an albatross around our necks? More often than not is the answer. Let go and let yesterday lie where it should. It is done with and today is a brand new day to make it all better.

I am calm and in control of my mind.

It has been said, “Rule your mind or it will rule you.” This simply means, “you have the power to train your thoughts and control your mental state, rather then being controlled by your thoughts and emotions.” Be in the present and use conscious effort to train your mind to shape the thoughts you entertain. “Nothing can harm you as much as your own thoughts unguarded.” Guard them with care.

I will respond with kindness today.

Listen without judgment or interruption. Show appreciation for the people around you and an act of goodwill doesn’t hurt either. Wear a smile while you’re doing it and change the world one act at a time.

Everything is temporary.

Know that change is inevitable, it will come whether you want it or not. Nothing is forever except change so learn to let go when it happens. Accepting impermanence can help you to appreciate the present moment and adjust to new situations as they happen.

Five rules to live by but it takes practice to get it down pat and to apply it to your life. Not easy but with practice it is doable. Good luck and see you on the other side of a life well-lived! 👍