Buddha said, First remove, “I” that’s EGO, then remove , “WANT,” that’s DESIRE. See now you are left with only, “HAPPINESS.”
Is it really that simple to find happiness? Okay, I can give this method a try BUT I find that when I remove “EGO” and “WANT,” there is something else glaring me in the face! It is, “WHAT NOW?!!!”
According to Buddhist wisdom, there are 5 steps to happiness. They are:
SMILE MORE
WORRY LESS
BE PRESENT
GIVE MORE
EXPECT LESS
I believe in the smiling more part. No problems there. Worrying less is almost a no go with me. Being present, I am working on. Giving more…..it is a work in progress and expecting less always gets me in trouble. Basically, I’m not quite there yet. Finding that happiness path that is.
What else?
“A disciplined mind brings happiness.”
Oh Gawd! This is even worse. Tell that “monkey” I call my mind to take orders and you’ll see what I mean! Marching on to the next happiness mantra.
“Happiness does not depend on what you have or who you are….
It solely relies on what you think.”
WHAT?!!! I give up!
No more searching for happiness wisdom today. I’ll do it my way. The sun is shining and I’m going to slip into my flip-flops, go to the garden and let the sun warm my face and listen to the birdsong to calm my mind and to let happiness seep in. Sorry Buddha but maybe next time around.
There will be no more thinking, no more telling my mind to do something it doesn’t want to do and I’ll just let the day go as it wants to. How’s that for a happiness mantra?
If you think about it, this moment in time is all we have. Yesterday is gone, tomorrow is looming somewhere in the distance but today, more specifically, this very moment is where we exist.
“We’re so busy watching out for what’s just ahead of us that we don’t take time to enjoy where we are.” Bill Waterson
Are you in a safe place? Are you protected? Are you at peace? These are things which matter.
I overthink and it is mostly about the past and then I jump to the future. It is an erratic pattern of thoughts and I am well aware of what I’m doing but still I persist. Last night, I decided to reel in all my jumbled up thoughts because they were causing another sleepless night and then started looking at each one individually and realized that I was dabbling in things I cannot change. The past is done with and the future is unknown. I looked at the moment I was in and realized I was safe, I was warm and I had a roof over my head. I had Chachi, the cat, cuddled up next to me and the world, for the here and now, was a peaceful place. I stayed there for awhile and like a lullaby, it rocked me to sleep.
The moments count. They define our psyche and being in several places in one time does not help matters much. Having one foot in the past and one in the future is not going to do it. Stay in the here and now. What are you doing now? It matters. Trying to put the past, the future and everything else in one basket is a sure fire way to disaster. Sort it out. Make peace with the past, learn the lessons you need to learn and then close the door behind you. The future will be determined by what you do today. Give it loving care, your attention, and maybe, just maybe a brighter tomorrow is around the corner. We can only hope.
Why is being in the present moment so important?
According to powerfullyyou.org, “it can decrease the activities of your nervous system, reduce stress, and help you to feel more regulated.” Tony Robbins says, “it allows you to focus all of your energy on the task at hand.” He further adds, “where focus goes, energy flows.”
Easier said than done? I agree. My mind loves jumping around. It’s like a “monkey” which loves to climb, run, twist and do whatever is necessary to keep me from the task at hand and it often succeeds. It is going to take lots of practice before the “monkey” learns to behave! There is still hope.
I hate changes and it has never been my strong suit. However, life has decided to give me more than my share of changes to show me it is needed and that nothing ever stands still for long. I am learning to roll with the punches and also learning to stand back up stronger than before. I think the sooner we learn that life is all about changes, the better off we’ll be. I am learning to accept the changes, so life let’s take a pause so I can come up for air before I have to accept another change!
Here are some beautiful quotes that will help you to accept changes for what they are, just a part of life and its idiosyncrasies.
“Embrace uncertainty. Some of the most beautiful chapters in our lives won’t have a title until much later.” Unknown
Can’t wait to see what those titles will be. Survivor perhaps?
“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” Socrates
“Don’t let yesterday use up too much of today.” Cherokee Proverb
“The price of doing the same old thing is far higher than the price of change.” Bill Clinton
“Life is like a GPS, it will reroute you when you least expect it, just sit back and enjoy the ride.” Unknown
Oh Gawd!! I don’t like that one too much.
“Change is not merely necessary to life, it is life.” Alvia Toffler
I need a little more time for this to sink in.
“The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are.” Unknown
This one has sunk in. I am on my way but slowly!
“Some people want it to happen, some wish it would happen, others make it happen.” Michael Jordan
I think I am one of those people.
I like this one the best.
“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.” W.C. Fields
Oh gawd, I see another change coming on and another lesson to learn! I was only kidding with that last one. Take it easy and CHILL!
My feet are shod in flip-flops today. The sun is already shining and it is supposed to be a glorious day. I stare down at my feet and my toenails in a darker shade of pink are staring back at me. They are happy I presume. The black flip-flops are comfortable, perhaps deceptively so, and a soft sigh of contentment escapes from my lips. It’s been months since my feet felt this kind of freedom having been encased in boots and when at home socks or fur-lined house shoes kept them warm during winter.
Now, it’s time to let freedom reign! It’s not quite summer yet but the warm days and lots of sunshine brings me back to another time and place. I was an island girl once a long time ago. I loved those carefree days of walking on the beach barefoot or feet in flip-flops as I looked for whatever treasures the ocean had dimmed fit to throw at my feet. Some days, I would sit on the sandy beach as close as I could get to the water and let it wash my feet as I leaned back on my elbows and dreamed of faraway places. Places I wanted to visit someday. Little did I know that that dream would come true one day.
The island girl mentality still shows up when the weather takes a turn for the better and my hands reach for those flip-flops! The days of carefree wonder still runs deep and is waiting just beneath the surface waiting to be rekindled again. Today is such a day.
I am dressed for comfort in a white t-shirt and dark blue linen pants. It is still cool in the garden so a grey sweat jacket completes the ensemble of understated and laid-back dressing. The flip-flops on my feet bring a smile to my face. I can picture myself on that beach again but only then I was running around in shorts and whatever t-shirt I could find. Clothes didn’t matter way back when my life was simpler and the ocean was my best friend.
I notice the quiet in the garden but I know that nature is hard at work. I see its handiwork in the clematis drapping over the green fence, their pink blossoms simply gorgeous. The scented rose bush is awash with blooms and the lovely scent, a cross between vanilla and something sweet is mesmerizing. I make a mental note to get the glass bowls out and get some potpourri going. The rose petals make the best potpourri and instead of letting them fall to the ground and wither away, I’ll put them to good use as I did last year.
I can feel the dew drops brush against my feet as I make my walk through the garden. It feels good. The apple tree has lost its sweet-scented flowers and little apples are starting to form and there are plenty of them. A bumper crop this year? Who knows? I’ll let it surprise me. The cherry tree has more than two cherries this year so everything speaks of abundance! The bees are moving from one flower to the next and a lone blackbird is singing from the roof-top. Its song is high-pitched but sweet nonetheless. Everything is touched with sunshine, not the sticky variety that shows up when summer is in full-swing but the kind that feels good on your skin and for now sitting outside with a hot cup of coffee is heaven in itself.
I snuggle back in the chaise lounge just as a huge bumble bee goes whizzing by oblivious to my presence. It too has work to do but my mind is on relaxing today. The sky is a bright blue, the birds are singing and I am at peace. Oh, and my feet are loving their freedom shod in flip-flops! It’s going to be a gorgeous day.
THREE WISE WOMEN: You do know…..what would have happened if it had been three wise woman instead of three wise men, dou’t you? They would have asked for directions, arrived on time, helped deliver the baby, cleaned the stable, made a casserole and brought practical gifts.
A guy is walking on the beach somewhere in California. He sees a lamp, rubs it, and a Genie comes out. The genie is so happy that he decides to grant one wish to the lucky guy. The guy thinks about it and says, “I’d like you to build a highway to Hawaii because I am afraid to fly. The genie responds that this can’t be done because it would be technogically impossible considering the depth of the ocean and the distance to Hawaii. So he asks the guy to wish for something else. The guys thinks about it and very enthusiastically wishes he would understand women.
The genie then said, “Do you want your highway to have 2 or 4 lanes?”
“And then, just like that, my heart broke. My face crumpled, my composure went and I held him tightly and I stopped caring that he could feel the shudder of my sobbing body because grief swamped me. It overwhelmed me and tore at my heart and my stomach and my head and it pulled me under, and I couldn’t bear it. I honestly thought I couldn’t bear it.” Jojo Moyes
That last line held me in its grip and I went along for the ride for as long as it took. “I couldn’t bear it,” was my mantra when the dream splintered into a thousand pieces and lay in fragments at my feet. “This couldn’t be happening to me!” was my other cry but none of that mattered because the end had arrived and there was no going back to what was.
Cheating is one of the most despicable things one human being can do to another. If truth be told, it happens all the time. It has become a norm in this easy come, easy go world of ours. When it happens, you find yourself going under, and in my case I lost my best friend, a long-time life partner I had known and trusted for a long time. The aftermath is hard to describe. I went from a confident woman to someone I didn’t recognize anymore. There was sadness and of course tears but that line, “I couldn’t bear it,” was the slogan that kept me in the hole that someone else had dug for me.
However, let me tell you, YOU are fully capable of bearing it! It may seem like all is lost and you may feel like you’re looking at absolute darkness but I assure you that you’ll find your way into the light as I did. It took courage, strength, forgiving yourself for what wasn’t your fault and to slowly rise again. Rise again you must because you have no other choice! Let me also tell you that you are enough and those “fragments” of a shattered heart will learn to mend itself. You will learn to look at love and life through different glasses and the next time around when love walks in, you will know better.
“Over the years, confusing fragments, lost corners of stories, have a clearer meaning when seen in a new light, a different place.” Michael Ondaatje
I’ve changed from that young and trusting person I used to be. I thought love once yours would remain forever. I gave my trust to a man who had vowed to me forever, had called me the love of his life and because best friends don’t hurt each other, I had thought we would make it to the very end. Wrong!
However, I can’t change what I want.
“And that was the cause of my heartache. I wanted everything or nothing at all. I’m not impressed by bits, parts, or almost. I’m a seeker of that which is whole, full, and complete. Completely mine or completely not.” Unknown
If that is in the cards for me is left to be seen. Only time will tell. You can overcome the insurmountable and even though you will carry those scars for a lifetime, you are built to survive. You are strong, you are resilient and you are beautiful. I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror after it happened. I felt UGLY! It took time to overcome that as well.
Cheating causes emotional turmoil, mental health issues, a trust deficit, low self-esteem and sometimes PTSD-like symptoms. Sounds daunting doesn’t it? IT IS! However, the YOU within is capable of overcoming pain and resilient enough to overcome the challenges that it entails.
“You’re not broken. You’re just becoming. Unfolding slowly – like petals in spring. Give yourself time. ”
AND
“What sticks to memory, often are those odd little fragments that have no beginning and no end….” Tim OBrien
Be kind to yourself, love yourself, build yourself up and learn that those “fragments” which were part of your yesterday can help you towards a better tomorrow. Here’s the thing, YOU CAN BEAR IT!
Quotes have the ability to boost up your mood, they can also help you out of the doldrums and just a dose can put a pep in your step and get you going. Here are a few of my favorites to put a positive spin on your day. Enjoy!
“The pages of yesterday cannot be revised. But the pages of tomorrow are blank – and you hold the pen. Make it an inspiring story.” NotSalmon.com
“Don’t worry. Just when you think your life is over, a new story line falls from the sky and lands right in your lap.” Rebekah Crane
Here’s the problem. I don’t want a new story line, I want the old one with a view to the finish line! Doable?
“To be a champ you have to believe in yourself when no one else will.” Sugar Ray Robinson
“Problems are like washing machines. They twist, they spin and knock us around. But in the end, we come out cleaner, brighter and better than before.” Unknown
Fingers and toes crossed and hoping!
“I love it when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I’m going to be today.” Unknown
Coffee does the trick every time!
“Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.” Marilyn vos Savant
Never ever give UP!
“Every morning starts a new page in your story. Make it a good one today.” Doe Zantamata
What are you writing in yours today?
“The most courageous decision that you can make each day is to be in a good mood.” Voltaire
This is a hard one but I start with a smile on my face.
Look at the stars……
“It won’t fix the economy. It won’t stop wars. It won’t give you flat abs, or better sex or even help you figure out your relationship and what you want to do with your life. But it’s important. It helps you remember that you and your problem are both infinitesimally small and conversely, that you are a piece of an amazing and vast universe.” Kate Bartolotta
How amazing is that?
AND FINALLY:
“Life is short. SMILE while you still have teeth.” Unknown
A new group of male applicants had just arrived in heaven. Peter looked them over and ordered, “All men who were henpecked on earth, please step to the left, all those who were bosses in their own homes, step to the right.”
The line quickly formed on the left. Only one man stepped to the right. Peter looked at the frail little man standing by himself and inquired, “What makes you think you belong on that side?” Without hesitation, the meek little man explained, “Because this is where my wife told me to stand.”
A man told his doctor that he wasn’t able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, “Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me.”
“Well, in plain English,” the doctor replied, “you’re just lazy.”
“Okay,” said the man. “Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.”
“In the first stage of love, your hormones run the show. You flirt, get butterflies in your stomach and heart, toss your hair back often and laugh a lot more. Falling in love makes you glow. Full playfulness and passion, stage one of love, often called the honeymoon stage tends to be everyone’s favorite because it is fun.“
This is how Stage 1 looks like. You can talk for hours on the phone and it never gets old. There is lots of laughing and giggling and you have your rose-tinted glasses on. If there is a blemish the size of a rock on your face, it is invisible at this stage or airbrushed by the blossoming of something special. Time flies by on wings and it is never ever enough. You want more and even though red flags may crop up like a neon sign, you SEE and don’t want to see. It is also the stage of stupidity where your brain and intuition take a backseat and your heart takes over.
Stage 2: Getting Serious
“Enter stage two. You still make a good couple. You hold hands in the park and cuddle up together to watch a movie, but something has changed. You’ve moved in together, maybe even got married. That fun time has run its course and your relationship has entered the serious zone.“
You may have moved in together or maybe not. It could be headed in a more serious direction where the “M” word is bandied about. That rose-tinted glow is there but now grey is starting to seep in. You question his/her motives. When once that laugh was alluring, it now makes you grit your teeth. You see things you don’t like. Things like he doesn’t keep to his word or you’ve caught him in a lie or two. Little things like leaving the toilet seat up and leaving clothes all over the floor gets your goat. The glow is still there so it’s time to push it all under the rug. You say, “It’ll right itself out. After all, you’re not looking for perfect.” The serious zone is staring you in the face and you don’t want to rock the boat. Let sleeping dogs lie you say but you know that it could come back to bite you later.
Stage 3: What Happened?
“What happened? Did you fall out of love? By this point, all illusions have been stripped away. You find yourself arguing more. Romance seems like work and you can’t be bothered to squeeze in the time. You just want it to end. And most people do just that, end their relationship.“
This is the “make it” or “break it” phase. It is also the time to let it all hang out phase. Remember that in Stage 1 all was perfect or at least it seemed so. Nothing was out of place, not a hair, not a fake eyelash, perfect haircut, smelling good and NO inappropriate behavior. Now, it’s let it rip time and HOW! If you’re married, who cares is the attitude. Everything is allowed and I mean everything. He’s seen you many times over so why bother? Unkempt hair, less than perfect hygiene, let it all grow out if you know what I mean. He, in turn, lets it rip. Holding it in is no longer required, anywhere anytime is ok. One other thing I find fascinating is that men love talking to you when they are sitting on the throne! Something soothing perhaps? That smile is no longer alluring, those little quirks more than annoying and spending a few minutes talking equates to an hour and a half in your mind. I call this the end of time phase. It’s probably all downhill from here and most choose to end the relationship.
According to one source, there are five clear stages. They are honeymoon, uncertainty, adjustment, commitment and acceptance. I’ve chosen to speak about three because not many make it past the adjustment phase. If you do, you’re one of the lucky ones. However, the fourth and fifth phase are hard to navigate. Most are either miserable wanting to get out or they’ve accepted their fate and are playing dead until their time is up!
I haven’t given up hope that I will make it to the last phase with a smile on my face and the right man by my side. I’m still working on finding him. Unfortunately, he seems to have lost his way and is nowhere to be found and TIME is running out! Fairy Godmother some help please! I could use your wand right about now!
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