mental-health – Page 11

Human Nature (Archives)

What is human nature? One explanation refers to “the fundamental characteristics, ways of thinking, feeling, and acting that are generally considered to be inherent to human beings.” One can say we are pre-programmed to act in a certain way when faced with certain situations but nurture and social experiences do play a part in shaping individual behaviors as to how we react to certain outside stimuli.

Here are some quotes that speak to the heart of the matter.

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity and I ‘m not sure about the universe.” Albert Einstein

“It is human nature to think wisely and act in an absurd fashion.” Anatole France

I totally agree with this assumption. Been there and done that many times over!

“Human nature is deeply ingrained despite our best efforts difficult to change.” Unknown

This one shines the spotlight on the problem itself. Stupidity and stubbornness sometimes or often go hand-in-hand making it a lose-lose situation.

“It’s human nature to remember only what you want to remember and forget what you want to forget, or transform it into a different story.” Unknown

We are all good storytellers so I definitely agree with the transformation part so much so to our own detriment.

“I hate it when people argue in public and I’ve missed the beginning so I don’t know whose side I’m on.” Unknown

This too is human nature.

“People will question all the good things they hear about you but believe all the bad without a second thought.” Unknown

Human nature at its best?

“I chose the road less traveled and now I don’t know where I am.” Unknown

ME TOO!

“Even if you give them everything that they ask for, it’ll never be enough.” Unknown

Are we talking about men here?

Finally….

THE LAWS OF HUMAN NATURE

“You are not a pawn in a game controlled by others; you are an active player who can move the pieces at will and even rewrite the rules.” Robert Greene

There you go. You are not stuck where you are and you have the ability to change your life. You just need to start moving in the right direction. What about human nature? Tell it to take a hike!

Have an amazing day.

Outside Your Control

“When you can’t control what’s happening, challenge yourself to control the way you respond to what’s happening. That’s where your power is.” Unknown

There are situations and circumstances in life that you cannot control. This is nothing new and those unforeseen circumstances bring chaos and turbulence into our lives. We want to take what is handed to us and to make it better, to make it alright, take it back to where we started from, where everything had sunshine and smiles around it but somehow, it just doesn’t work. What if it’s not you? What if the problem isn’t you? There are times when no matter how hard you try, there is no making the situation better. You can’t control what is outside your control.

“Nothing kills you faster than your own mind.

Don’t stress over things that are out of your control.” Unknown

What are those things that you can’t control?

Basically it boils down to, “things that have happened that someone cannot change or influence.”

It is done, it is all water under the bridge and it has moved on leaving you to deal with the aftermath. Instead of letting go and taking it in stride, the human psyche goes into damage control. Quite often it comes in the form of trying to control the situation. We want to bring back whatever we think we’ve lost. We want that person back, not that they were good for us in the first place but because we want what we can’t have. Most of all, we want to control the narrative, we want to change the story and we want to control what is outside our control.

“It’s not what you say to everyone else that determines your life, it’s what you whisper to yourself that has the greatest power.” Unknown

Let it go. Stop trying to control what you can’t control and take control of what you can. That’s a winning strategy right now.

According to diversushealth.org, determine what you can control and work on it.

Examples are:

How you respond to emotions and painful feelings.

How you respond to memories.

How you respond to negative thoughts.

IDENTIFY YOUR FEARS

Do you find your mind going to the worst possible scenario? Do you doubt your ability to cope if something bad happens?

SHIFT YOUR ENERGY TOWARD PROBLEM SOLVING

Replaying the past or dwelling on catastrophic outcomes usually isn’t helpful. Problem solving is.

FOCUS ON YOUR INFLUENCE

What can you change? To have the most influence, focus on changing your behavior and reaction to events.

DEVELOP HEALTHY AFFIRMATIONS

Scientists estimate people have about 70,000 thoughts per day. (No wonder I get headaches!) Most of these thoughts incite self-doubt, fear, and discouragement.

Think, “I’m stronger than I think,” or “I can handle this,” or even “I can do this.” These affirmations help to drown out the negativity.

“Remember you alone get to choose what matters and what doesn’t. The meaning of everything in your life has precisely the meaning you give it.” Unknown

AND

“Just keep in mind: the more we value things outside of our control, the less control we have.” Epictetas

YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE. You are capable and you can handle anything that comes your way.

Have an amazing day.

The Light Within (Archives)

“If everything around seems dark, look again, you may be the light.” Rumi

Sometimes it burns brightly and at other times it flickers and there are times when it is extinguished and there is only darkness to be found. Finding your way becomes hard as darkness spreads its wings and envelops everything in its wake but that light within can be relit again. It is there and waiting for you to light it again.

“No degree of worldly darkness can extinguish the glow of a soul’s inner light.” Wes Fesler

You, my friend, are a powerful being. You have everything within you to make it through that “worldly darkness.” Did you lose someone close and your light is dimmed? Did someone walk away leaving you to find your way again? Do you feel like you don’t belong? Did someone put you down and made you feel smaller than you are? Did all these things make you feel like you are not enough? If so, reach for that light within. It is powerful and it takes more than a careless word or two, a breakup or ugliness to put out the light. Even if you take a temporary leave of absence, it waits patiently till you come back ready to burn brightly again.

“Let your light shine so brightly that others can see their way out of the dark.” Katrina Mayer

How do you get the light within to burn brightly?

It has been said through, “meditation, mindfulness, self-reflection, and acts of kindness towards oneself and others.” Practicing kindness and compassion towards others is one surefire way to light that light within and to keep it burning brightly. I give out smiles and it is a daily practice I engage in. Whenever I meet a stranger and our eyes meet, that “high-voltage” smile turns on! It has brought some unwanted attention but that aside, a smile or two comes back accompanied by this warm and fuzzy feeling and I’m ready to embrace a stranger!

“Kindness is igniting a light in someone else for no reason other than to watch them enjoy the glow.” Raktivisit.

So, my friend, be that light. It is within you and waiting to show you the way.

Did you know that, “Within your being is a source of light…..with unlimited wattage.” Put it to good use. You are powerful, you are magical, you are capable, you are beautiful and you are ENOUGH as you are. Turn on that light and step into its brightness and watch your life transform….

Have an amazing day.

Seeking Happiness

Are you seeking happiness as I am? If you are then you know that it is elusive and it takes a certain mindset to stay happy. It is a conscious choice and it demands a focus on positive things instead of your external circumstances. Experts say, it is about “choosing to focus on what is good and finding joy in everyday moments.”

How many of us do exactly that only to find that when something unforeseen shows up and rattles the boat and off we go right back to, “the glass is half-empty stuff.” It goes downhill from there, at least it does with me.

“Happiness is homemade, create it everyday.” Unknown

You have to create this elusive commodity. It’s not going to walk in and make itself known. Well, it could but it takes work on your part to get you in the happy mode and to stay that way.

Wearing a smile on your face helps. It’s like tricking your mindset into thinking that the “happy hormones” are at play so it must be alright to get and feel happy. What are the happy hormones? They are dopamine, serotonin, endorphins and oxytocin. These hormones “play a key role in regulating mood, pleasure, and overall well-being.”

How do you boost the happy foursome?

Physical activity helps. A healthy diet definitely helps to get you on the way and to activate the happy hormones. Mindfulness and relaxation helps. Things like meditation, deep breathing and nature walks help as well. I do all of those things so why is “happiness” eluding my so called existence and only shows up now and then?

“Happiness is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the more it will elude you. But if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder.” Unknown

You’ve got to be kidding me! Stop chasing and it will show up? I think it takes more than that for happiness to come knocking on your door. According to the University of New Hampshire Psychological and Counseling Services, here are some strategies to help you find happiness.

Focus upon problem-solving, not just venting.

Take time to build quality relationships with supportive people.

Count your blessings and practice gratitude.

Take time to engage in random acts of kindness.

Practice compassion and empathy.

Be kind to yourself, rather than overly-critical or perfectionistic.

Set meaningful goals.

Appreciate what you already have.

Avoid the temptation to complain and reinforce negativity.

If all else fails, remember that your happiness depends on you.

“The best gift you could give yourself is the permission to be happy.” Unknown

Start your day right. Wear a smile, do a happy dance, and TRY to keep the negatives at bay. A day at a time and who knows you might just become the happiest person on the planet!

Have an amazing day.

Losing Track of Time

Walking

It gets me out in the open and nature is something I like to get lost in. I have a slight case of claustrophobia and when I am outdoors I feel free and one with nature. Just letting my mind wander aimlessly is a great way to lose track of time

Writing

This is a daily must. It gets my creative juices flowing and sometimes it helps to bring focus to things I am dealing with. It is a way to let go of frustrations, anger, sadness and sometimes just to get some relief from the here and now. It is also a great way to gather my thoughts, put them in perspective and to get moving in the right direction and some days I do lose track of time and wonder where the time went.

Meditation

This is my go to method to get rid of stress and whatever else bothers me. I go into a quiet space and nothing seems to matter anymore. I get quiet for 20 minutes or sometimes longer and escape into a void of nothingness. Thoughts do creep in but not for long. My focus is getting better and the thoughts come and go but I stay where I’m at. I would like to do an hour or so of meditation but my mind screams, ENOUGH ALREADY! One day, I will get there.

Daydreaming

A perfect way to lose track of time and a delicious way I might add. There is nothing pressing, nothing to take care of and nothing to worry about. I go with whatever captures my imagination and let it ride for a while. Sometimes it may be birds in flight, or a plane flying way up high or just the pigeons cooing on the rooftops and sometimes the flight of a butterfly moving from flower to flower. Just senseless observations but it creates a space where my soul flies and losing track of time in such a state of mind is a wonderful place to be in, for a time anyway.

These are some of my favorite activities but there are others I use to a lesser degree. All in all, I’ve come up with some wonderful ways of losing track of time and I’m always looking for new ways!

Daily writing prompt

Which activities make you lose track of time?

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Intuition (Archives)

The Cambridge Dictionary defines it as: “an ability to understand or know something immediately based on your feelings rather than facts.” In other words, it is often referred to as your gut feeling and it is a powerful tool and if you pay attention to it, it has the ability to stop you from getting into dire circumstances. It all boils down to, if we pay attention to it but as humans that is a hard thing to do.

It is that gnawing sensation within your gut which tells you something is off or doesn’t feel right. It is that innate sense of knowing between right and wrong and it is the truth within that speaks louder than words. Listen to it because it only has your best interest at heart.

I know I’ve turned my back on it many a times. I’ve heard it whispering, “Listen to me. Pay heed because you’re treading in dangerous waters and you will get hurt.” Yet, I chose to turn my back on it all because I thought I knew better or simply put, I wanted something I couldn’t have. When I found out my ex was cheating on me, my intuition knew way before the truth ever came out. Looking back, I heard it roaring inside me and still I had blinders on until I came face to face with it but if truth be told, I KNEW long before I found out. Knowing that didn’t make it hurt any less. It has been said:

A Women’s Intuition is Dangerous

“If she keeps questioning you about a specific topic, over and over again, she isn’t looking for an answer. Most of the time, she already knows the truth but wants to see if you’re going to be honest with her.” M. Sosa

Even now and many years later since I got rid of the cheater, I still find myself in situations which tells me that taking my “intuition” seriously doesn’t come easily. I can often hear it ROARING loudly but I tend to choose the other route, more specifically the path of my own making and lo and behold, there I am again stuck knee-deep in a mess of my own making. If only I had listened…..

So, the next time, you hear that little voice within, or that giant roar that booms loudly telling you to jump ship before it is too late, HEED IT, PAY ATTENTION TO IT and say thank you. It is only looking out for you.

“Never discredit your gut instinct. You are not paranoid. Your body can pick up on bad vibrations. If something deep inside of you says something is not right about a person or situation, trust it.” Simple Reminders

Or else you’ll keep seeing this over and over again.

“TOLD YOU SO!”

Sincerely,

Your Intuition

Have an amazing day.

Simplify (Archives)

A few weeks ago, I wrote about cleaning out my shoe closet, bagging up and getting rid of tons, yes tons of shoes that were taking up space. They were no longer needed because all they were doing was simply staring me in the face and living rent-free in my closet. It was time for them to go. Decision made but it was with a heavy heart that I gave them their freedom. They were free to go light up someone else’s eyes and perhaps more appropriately to go where they were truly needed.

“Fill your life with lots of experiences, not lots of things. Have incredible stories to tell, not incredible clutter in your closets.” Marc and Angel

I think life is simply an accumulation of holding on to things. It is a collection of things taking up space, emotions that surge and thrive on shaky ground and a constant struggle between the two. Clutter helps to shrink your physical space and minimize your mental capabilities. Letting go is hard and for someone like me who holds on for way longer than it is needed, decluttering is an almost impossible task to do.

“Clutter is not just the stuff on your floor – it’s anything that stands between you and the life you want to be living.” Peter Walsh

The problem is you can’t move on when you’re holding on to all that is not needed. There must be a conscious decision and effort to “clean house” meaning letting go of things that no longer serve you. Things and emotions that wear you down, make you lose track of where you need to go, which direction you will have to take to get there and most importantly a decision has to be made to let go, get rid off and open up space maybe for new clutter but the truth is, there is no moving forward if you’re standing still. You can’t do both.

“Simplifying your life isn’t just about decluttering your physical space, it’s also about clearing mental and emotional clutter.” Unknown

Understanding that, you’ve got to declutter. Most of us tend to have an iron grip on things that don’t matter and then we wonder why it is so hard to breathe at times or to feel free. If it is not adding value to your life, let it go. If it is just taking up space, dump it. If it makes you feel like you’ve got to do something about it, that’s a clear signal that action is needed.

Focus, declutter, simplify, simplify, simplify. As for people and emotions,

“If your presence can’t add value to my LIFE, your absence will make no difference.” Unknown

Have an amazing day.

What Gets Better With Age?

Good question but I have no clear-cut answers for you. One thing I know is that my perceptions of certain things have changed with time. I also know that those things I thought were important at a certain stage in my life are no longer as important as they were.

In my younger days, I used to think that “looks” were important. If he was good-looking, dark and handsome I was all in. Add a gorgeous smile and I was hooked. Later I found out that sometimes looks are deceiving. There isn’t much there when you dive deeper. Sometimes intelligence is sorely lacking and after two dates, there is absolutely nothing to talk about but the mundane and the boring!

I’m older and wiser now. Looks don’t matter as much now. There has to be a minimum but it doesn’t make or break a relationship. What gets better with age? I think it is wisdom. You learn from your mistakes, you try not to repeat them again and you just know more about life and how it works. Not that you can get an handle on it, but you get adept at dealing with what life throws your way and that is a good thing. I also have the wisdom to know when to leave a table especially when nothing good is being served there. This is something new because I used to be like a dog with a bone and now it rolls over like water over a duck’s back! Perhaps it is wisdom or perhaps “aging’ brings on a new persona, one that is not all based on drama! Anyway, there is a difference in how I deal with things and it seems to be in a more mature way.

Daily writing prompt

What do you think gets better with age?

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Loneliness (Archives)

“Find company within yourself and you’ll never spend a day alone. Find love within yourself and you’ll never have a lonely day.” Connor Chalfant

Loneliness is defined as sadness because one has no friends or company. However, it is actually a state of mind. People who are lonely have trouble connecting with others because even though they want and crave human contact, their state of mind makes it hard for them to see beyond what they are feeling. At this stage, they often see themselves as unworthy of friendship, they often feel rejected and more often than not, they voluntarily remove themselves from what is causing them hurt and that is the outside world and so the vicious cycle begins and takes hold.

Low self-esteem, lack of confidence and being an introvert can all lead to isolation and loneliness. The effects are far-reaching and at times scary. It can lead to antisocial behavior, feelings of not fitting in and worst case scenario, it can also lead to depression and suicide.

Almost everyone experiences loneliness at some time or rather and it gets worse during holidays, birthdays and other significant days. Someone close to me is dealing with symptoms of loneliness and any suggestions of help is falling on deaf ears. He is hell-bent on holding onto his new best friend “loneliness.” I think we are our own worst enemy and when we fall, we fall deep. We go into the trenches and it is hard to crawl back out. We tell ourselves we are not good enough as we are, opinions matter and we see ourselves as not worthy of interacting with what is out there. At times the outside world can be cruel and for someone who is struggling it can be more than daunting. What to do short of meeting with a therapist? Perhaps these few tips might help.

Be there and show that you care.

Be patient. Irritation is the common response. Show that you’re there to listen.

Join a group, exercise class or book club. There are many other options.

Do things you enjoy.

Go for a walk.

Share your feelings.

Practice self-care. Start exercising, eat nutritious foods and get enough sleep.

Love yourself warts and all.

Most of all stay busy.

If none of the above help, here are some quotes to see life from the brighter side.

“A season of loneliness and isolation is when the caterpillar gets its wings. Remember that next time you feel alone.” Mandy Hale

“It’s impossible to be lonely when you’re zesting an orange. Scrape the soft rind once and the whole room fills with fruit. Look around: you have more than enough. Always have. You just didn’t notice until now.” Mary Oliver

I love this one.

“If you are feeling lonely know that you’ll always have:

Books to nurture your mind. Hands to create and explore. Wind to calm your soul. Breathes to soothe your nerves. Nature to soak your worries away. Stars to decorate your dreams.” Emma Xie

Have an amazing day.

Subjects of Authority?

I don’t consider myself an authority on any one subject. Some subjects I am good at because of what I have lived through like grief, murder and the aftermath, and relationships and others I gloss over, glad that I don’t have to give it too much attention.

I know that grief takes a long time to dissipate. It hangs on and it takes but a little reminder to bring it all rushing back just like it was yesterday. I also know that time does make the pain less and time also erases the vividness, that is a godsent. However, grief is yours alone to bear and others may offer help but when it comes down to it, you are the carrier and you have to deal with it.

Murder is something that I never thought would visit my family. We were upper- middle class and we lived in a safe neighborhood or so it seemed. When murder comes visiting it doesn’t care where you live, who you are and what you’re about. It has the ability to cross lines and being in the wrong place at the wrong time is all it takes. I also know that long after the person is gone, the after-effects keep on coming. It takes strength, it takes courage and it takes forgiveness to let go and to move on. However, it doesn’t happen overnight, it takes a long time before that happens.

I can’t say I am an expert on relationships but my problem was that I believed in forevers. So when my marriage took a dive after many years, I was devastated. I didn’t see it as being married to the wrong person but instead I took it personally. When it broke and went down, I went down with it. It took a long time to come out of that rabbit hole and to live life again. The after-effects are still felt but it is a lesson learned and one I don’t want to repeat.

I speak from experience but not as an authority on any one subject. I think experience sometimes makes you an expert because you learned what you didn’t really want to learn but because of life and its idiosyncrasies there was no choice but to pick up the pieces and to keep on going.

Daily writing prompt

On what subject(s) are you an authority?

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