mental-health – Page 2

Your Reaction Matters

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“It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.” Epictetus

This basically means that while, “life brings uncontrollable events, your response is a choice.” How often do we react without thinking when something of the unsavory nature happens to us? The reaction that often follows is anger, sadness, depression, unworthiness and a whole host of other emotions. More than that, we carry those feelings on our backs or in our hearts and each one adds to the heavy burden until that load becomes too heavy to carry and to bear.

“The first reaction is surely the most natural one, but not always the most correct one.” Criss Jami

Depending on what was dished out by someone else, your reaction follows a natural path. Was it an insult? Did it bring you down? Was it something that cut you down to size? How about someone’s envy and jealousy? Yes, sometimes those two go together and they can be a powerful deterrent to your mindset and have the ability to make you question yourself. Your reaction to all or some of the above may seem like a normal response but there is a heavy price to pay for those reactions. Just react like “water off a duck’s back,” you say. Not everyone can do that. There are those who take some of those nasty and often hurtful things to heart and it stays and cuts them down to size.

“How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.” Wayne Dyer

This particular quote opened up a door that I had kept closed. I, like many of you, chose to react a certain way when I was faced with events of an unsavoury nature. I would spend a lot of time mulling over the event, wondering why it happened, did I contribute to it, and it just went from bad to worse from there until I was so deep in the rabbit hole that there was no coming up for air!

“NOT EVERY ACTION DESERVES A REACTION.”

That right there is what I had to learn to make things easier, to let go of things that don’t matter and to carry on with a lighter load. The next time someone says something mean or tries to cut you down to size, DO NOT REACT. Easier said than done, I know. Try not to pick up whatever they are throwing your way for whatever reason, that reason is not yours to bear. Go forth knowing that your reaction matters, and your mindset matters too. The less you choose to take on and allow to accompany you on this journey of life, the better.

“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.” Charles R. Swindoll

AND

“Failure happens all the time. It happens every day in practice. What makes you better is how you react to it.” Mia Hamm

The next time you want to jump on that bandwagon of reacting because it is the normal thing to do, take a deep breath, step back, think carefully, drop that stone to the ground and move on leaving it where it belongs. It doesn’t belong with you, let whoever sent it your way have it back. Watch as the power is taken away from them and you walk away the winner.

Have an amazing day.

What Makes Me Laugh?

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I would say a lot of things. I look for laughter everyday and it is an effort that I take seriously. It has been said, “laughter is the best medicine,” and I totally agree. A day without laughter in my world is like a day without sunshine. It is tinged with grey and something seems to be sorely lacking.

Seeking laughter is in my daily to-do list. Stand-up comedy is a good source. I love Max Amini and his brand of comedy. He always has me laughing and if that gets boring, I watch comedies which definitely does the trick and puts a sunshiny spin on my mood. Then there is the abundant supply of jokes out there that tickles my funny bone and I have posted some of them here. Not always funny to some but it is to me and that matters.

My most important laughter maker and stress buster is Chachi, the cat, aka Little Einstein. Not a day goes by without laughter from that angle. He doesn’t even have to do anything, just standing there with his front paws crossed has me breaking out in laughter. There is just something about the little guy that brings smiles and laughter in my direction. Perhaps it is called love, the unconditional kind. Whatever it is, I have found my perpetual source of laughter and it is of the happiness kind. He instigates it sometimes unknowingly but it does the trick and most days I wear a smile on my face having indulged in rip-roaring laughter. Laughter is there to be harvested if you just pay attention and decide to give it a chance. Try it, it is a beautiful thing and it gives stress a boot out the door!

Daily writing prompt

What makes you laugh?

View all responses

Solitude

“A place where you meet yourself, where you embrace and appreciate your own company. Exactly, where you face your fears and rethink your decisions. Solitude is that essential place to recharge our inner energy.” Tuwalily

It’s a place I go to where I can shut out the noise, the distractions and the clutter that make up my life. I go within where there is peace to be found, resilience and strength. Solitude and stillness is where answers can be found and I get the strength to move on from where I’m at.

Solitude is defined as a “healthy, personal discipline that allows you to engage in meaningful self-reflection. Loneliness, however, is a state of sadness because one has no friends or company.” fullsailleadership.com

I embrace solitude and there is a certain deliciousness that comes from being still and listening to what is being told to you. When you get rid of the chatter, you get clarity.

“Solitude is where I place my chaos to rest and awaken my inner peace.” Unknown

Meditation, yoga or just a simple walk in the fields helps to open up a world of possibilities. A world where you are not confronted by what others think of you, of having to measure up, or of conforming to what is considered the norm. You can let go and just be yourself. It’s a place where you can go deep within and really see what you’re holding there, find out who you are and a place where you can learn to let go of what doesn’t serve you. There is peace within and unlimited resources but in order to reap the benefits, you need to come face to face with the ugliness, the so-called remnants of your past and retrain your mind to see different. Change your mindset and everything will start falling into place as it should. Solitude is where I find my peace and if I’m willing, it shows me who I am and what I need to change to get to the other side.

“Solitude is dangerous. It’s addicting. Once you see how peaceful it is, you don’t want to deal with people anymore because they drain your energy.” Unknown

I spend a lot of time by myself. I’m learning to love it to the point that I choose my own company to that of being with friends or family. I think that I am my own best friend which is a good thing but as the quote says, it can be addicting and like I sometimes say, I’m a recluse or at least feel like one at times. I’ve come up with a solution to this predicament. I’m really going to make an effort to spend more time with people to break this monotony because both is needed to make me a complete person. However, home is where my heart is.

My bouts of solitude has made me stronger and fully capable of dealing with what life throws my way. There is strength in solitude so seek it, use it and learn that there is a source you can go to when life decides it’s that time again. What time? Time to learn another lesson and before you go, “Oh no!” make solitude your friend and ally and things will start looking up.

“Make yourself a priority once in a while. It’s not selfish. It’s necessary.” Unknown

AND

“I’m not Anti-Social. I’m Pro-Solitude.” Unknown

Have an amazing day.

Gratitude

Zig Ziglar called it the healthiest of all human emotions and it is one that is often overlooked in our day to day existence of what we call “living.” It is unpretentious, it takes its place quietly in the ranks of emotions and waits to be recognized like a step child who is often left wanting. More often than not we walk past without giving it the recognition it deserves.

“Gratitude helps you see what’s there instead of what isn’t.” Unknown

What is gratitude?

Simply put and according to graygroupintl.com, “It is a deep sense of appreciation for the good things in our lives, both big and small. It is about recognizing the positive aspects and expressing gratitude for them. When we practice gratitude, it not only benefits our mental health but also our physical well-being.”

If it is that important, why hasn’t this poster-child for good mental health been given more attention and accolades?

Perhaps, it is because as humans we have a tendency to overlook the “good stuff” and we tend to focus on the lack thereof and all the negatives it entails. If only I had this, then life would be so much better is the mantra we wear with pride and have hone it to an art form that we are blinded to the abundance that surrounds us.

“Wear gratitude like a cloak and it will feed every corner of your life.” Rumi

Practice it daily and it will turn your life around. I still haven’t grasped this concept of being grateful but I am working on it.

How do you practice gratitude? According to mindful.org, the people in the know, it starts like this and if you do it regularly, “it is a game-changer; it has far reaching effects, from improving our mental health to boosting our relationships with others. Living your life with gratitude helps you notice the little wins— and over time strengthens your ability to notice the good.”

Start by observing. Notice the thank yous you say.

Keep a journal of all that you are grateful for and believe me there is plenty to be thankful for.

Make a vow to be grateful everyday.

Meditate – anchor yourself to the good things in your life. Be mindful and live in the present.

The day before was a tough day. Things just didn’t go the way I wanted it to and so my focus was on all the bad stuff which in turn helped me to go further down the rabbit hole. At the end of the day I decided that today would be better. The gratitude part didn’t come till later. I went ahead and booked a massage and as I was lying on the table, face down and staring into nothingness, listening to the soothing music in the background, a small voice said, “Say thank you.” I did and I repeated it several times just in case it didn’t hear me the first me! As the masseuse applied gentle strokes to my back, I realized that I was surrounded with and by abundance.

I slowly started counting off the things I was grateful for and the list was never-ending. The gorgeous day, the blue skies, my friends, the people who cared about my existence and last but not least the wonderful massage that helped to soothe my frazzled nerves. It was a game-changer. I walked out of there with a smile on my face, my woes forgotten for the moment at least and well-prepared for the day ahead.

If you can’t afford a massage even the simplest of things will do it. Go for a walk, pay attention to the sights and sounds, things that help to lift up your soul. It could be as simple as taking in a deep breath, or watching a bird in flight or a tree in bloom, its colors mesmerizing and the scent wafting by better than any artificially manufactured perfume but most of all say, “THANK YOU.” Be grateful for the abundance surrounding you, the roof over your head, the food, nature and all the little and big things that help to make up your life and soon the glass will no longer be half empty but overflowing. A friend said to me, “you need to do what you preach,” and he is right. Thank you friend for being my friend!

Practicing gratefulness is helping to turn things around in my life. It doesn’t come easily but the more I say thank you and appreciate what is around me, the less I see the negatives not that they aren’t there mind you, but to a lesser extent. This too takes time.

“When you are grateful, fear disappears and abundance appears.” Tony Robbins

Have an amazing day.

Nature’s Way

“To walk in nature is to witness a thousand miracles.” Mary Davis

Walking is my favorite thing to do. It helps to clear my mind, helps me to get a better perspective on life and it’s good for the mind and soul not to mention my body so what’s not to like?

It is almost springlike in my part of the world but we are not quite there yet and after the snow, ice and sleet of winter, blue skies and sunshine is a nice change. After having been cooped up for a week, it is time to take advantage of the nice weather.

Zipping up my light jacket with a scarf around my neck and stepping into my boots, I am all ready to head out the door. I am not expecting much, just a beautiful walk in nature. I wonder if I will see the deer I’ve seen on my last few walks. We made eye contact several times and then he took off and went back into the woods. I hope I do because there is something about coming face to face with one of nature’s own. It makes me feel like I belong too.

“Nature is the purest portal to inner-peace.” Angie Weiland Crosby

I am surrounded by blue-tipped mountains on one side and the sporadic green line of the forest on the other. Today, I find myself alone as I am on most days. I feel the wind picking up speed and I pull my coat closer against me as I raise my face to the sky. It is clear and blue and perfect. A loud cawing draws my attention. I look further up the path I am on and see two huge black crows fighting over something. As I approach them, they let out a loud sound at the human who has walked into their space, it almost sounds rude to the ear. Then they flap their wings and take off to another part of the field where they would be left in peace. I understand them well, I crave peace too.

Approaching the apple trees, I see that they’ve lost all their foliage and now stand naked their twig-like branches reaching out to nothing in particular. Not too long ago, they looked bright and beautiful with globes of red, pink and green hanging from their green branches. The apples have been harvested and there is nothing more left to be done until springtime of course. Out of what stands before me will emerge pink and white blossoms bringing with them a faint delicate scent that is warm and delicious and the cycle will start again. So it is with life. There is no end and no beginning. It is a never-ending cycle. You get on at some point and you get off when your time is up but life never stops moving, it just keeps on going.

As I make my way back, I realize that I haven’t seen the deer. I hope it is alright. Feeling refreshed by the clean air and the open spaces for as far as the eye can see, I say a small “thank you” for the beauty, the peace and the graciousness of nature. It has accompanied me in good times and bad and will be my companion for many more walks to come. Suddenly, a sharp shrill sound pierces the air. I look up to see a hawk hovering above me. A smile crosses my face as I watch it stay there for a while. Almost weightless it hovers and then it lets out another shrill cry as it flies away into the blue yonder. Nature teaches us many things but most of all it has the power to heal, it shows us a thousand miracles if we are open to it and in its own way it shows us that there is a time and place for everything.

“I took a walk in the woods and came out taller than the trees.” Henry David Thoreau

Or this one,

“And into the forest I go, to lose my mind and find my soul.” John Muir

Have an amazing day.

Breathing In Life

It’s interesting how everything comes back to this one thing and that is breathing. We pay it very little mind as we rush through life and forget that it exists but only as something we take for granted. It is that motion of taking in a breath and letting it out that tells us we are alive but how are we breathing? Has stress made your breathing harder, has anger stopped it in its tracks or has sadness made it shallow and rhythmless? Probably all of those things and more. Yet, if we stopped breathing than life would come to a standstill.

I found some beautiful quotes that gets you thinking about this thoughtless process we call breathing. It speaks to just how beautiful and essential it is to breathe and to pay attention to the kind of breathing we are doing.

“Life is amazing. And then it’s awful. And then it’s amazing again. And in between the amazing and the awful its ordinary and mundane and routine. Breathe in the amazing, hold on through the awful, and relax and exhale through the awful, and relax and exhale during the ordinary. That’s just living, heartbreaking, soul-healing, amazing, awful, ordinary life. And it’s breathtakingly beautiful.” LR Knost

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“Stop your worrying, panicking and stressing.

BREATHE.

Remember, you made it this far through difficulties that seemed impossible. Remember how many times you were saved at the very last minute – this time is no different.” Bryant McGill

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“You don’t always need a plan. Sometimes you just need to breathe, trust, let go, and see what happens.” Mandy Hale

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“As you waste your breath complaining about life, someone out there is breathing their last breath.” Appreciate what you have.” Unknown

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“Life isn’t measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.” Unknown

Did something or someone take your breath away today? The Magnolia tree out back took my breath away this morning. It is getting ready to bloom and soon it will be a showpiece as it is every year and it will be enough to take your breath away. The daffodils are shaking their yellow heads, their beauty simple but breathtaking. Most of all, the lone deer that ran through the fields this morning was mesmerizing and breathtaking as I stood and watched it do its spring dance of happiness. I got my daily dose of breathtaking moments today but I’m sure there will be more tomorrow, I just need to appreciate what’s in front of me.

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“Sometimes you need to slow down, remain calm, and simply let life happen. Take a deep breath and focus on the simple important things: you are alive, you are breathing, you are enough as you are.” Unknown

YOU GOT THIS.

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“Listen, are you breathing just a little and calling it a life?” Mary Oliver

Words to pay attention to. We deserve better don’t you think?

Have an amazing day.

Combating Negative Feelings

I would say the same things I mentioned in yesterday’s “Daily Prompt,” plus I’ll add a few more. Besides walking, working out and meditation, I put my feelings down on paper or write articles on how I am feeling and what I have done or am doing to combat those feelings.

Writing is a tremendous tool, if you can call it that, to bring out what I am holding inside into the open so that it no longer weighs me down. Getting it out there has also helped me to get a better focus on the problem and to come up with better ways of handling whatever is bothering me. Somehow seeing it for what it is, just a ripple even if at times it seems like a big rock, helps me to deal with the situation in a more focused way. Writing is often my go to method for solving negative feelings and it has been working so far.

The other method I turn to is breathing. Whenever I feel like I am drowning in negativity, it happens from time to time but when I sit myself down and go within and start one of my breathing techniques, it melts away. This doesn’t always work but more often than not. There’s something about taking a deep breath, holding it in for a few seconds and slowly letting go with a sigh that releases the anxiety and nervousness within. It is a stress buster and just a few minutes a day does wonders for my inner being, my psyche and for letting negative feelings go where they belong, wherever that is. Peace is what I seek and it is what I find when I do “deep breathing” several times a day.

Daily writing prompt

What strategies do you use to cope with negative feelings?

View all responses

Activities I Love!

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There are three activities that I have come to love in my search for peace and serenity. They are walking, workouts, and meditation.

These three things have helped to forge a way out of situations I find myself in and they have helped to bring a sense of cohesiveness to my life. It didn’t happen overnight, it took time and a certain mindset to keep at getting better.

Walking is my go to when I need to clear my mind of all negative thoughts and just 2o minutes out in nature helps me to do just that. It is free and all it takes is to get out there and see what remedies “nature” in its all-knowing wisdom has to offer if you are willing to listen that is. It may seem like a mindless activity but it is not.

Working out is a daily companion. I work out seven days a week and I don’t stick to one thing. It gets boring that way. I switch it around. Some days it is cardio, some days weight training, some days Pilates and some days Yoga. Whatever I choose to do, Chachi, the cat, is right there working alongside! More like standing right in front of me and waiting to be picked up and kisses rained down on him! That’s his allure to working out. It works just fine for the both of us.

Meditation, well I can’t live without it. It is a big part of my day and one that helps to center and to bring calm into my life. It also helps the “monkey” I call my brain to take a seat and to be quiet for a while.

These are activities that are part and parcel of my life. Simple things, non-materialistic but I find Nirvana in them and they will continue to be a part of my existence.

Daily writing prompt

What activities do you lose yourself in?

View all responses

Know Your Self Worth

“Recognize your own worth and you won’t be drawn to those who don’t see it.” Doe Zantamata

According to medium.com, “Your value is directly linked to your belief. If you treat yourself like garbage, you’ll never appreciate your potential.”

It’s interesting how many of us walk into relationships expecting the other person to validate us in some way. We look to them to make us feel wanted, to feel loved, to feel that we are worthy and to make us feel special. Basically we hand over our power and energy to that person and wait to get reimbursed. When it doesn’t happen, we find ourselves in a dark place and beat ourselves down to a pulp.

The truth is, self-worth is your sense of self, your values and your belief that you are worthy of care, support and compassion. It basically means you value yourself enough to know the boundaries and limits and what you’ll accept and what you won’t. It is that feeling within you that says you are worthy and deserving of the right kind of love and that there is a balance in the relationship. If you’ve been doing the chasing and you’re the only one investing in the relationship with your time, energy and efforts and you are not getting or getting next to nothing in return, then it’s time to reevaluate and to take a good hard look at your self-worth. How much is it worth?

“Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious. You get to choose how you use it. You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won’t accept.” Anna Taylor

If your self-worth is lacking, here are some strategies to improve it from the people in the know. (verywellmind.com)

Do things you enjoy and are good at:

These help to reinforce your strengths and abilities and can make you more confident.

Exercise and challenge yourself:

Physical activity is linked to a greater sense of self-worth. It also helps to recalibrate your mindset and offers both physical and mental benefits.

Challenge negative thoughts:

Thoughts are not facts. Next time you have a negative self-thought, think of an alternative realistic thought to replace it.

Be kind to yourself.

Learn to be assertive.

Start saying “NO!” I have to learn this one myself.

Focus on the positive.

It is important to have a healthy sense of self-worth because loving, respecting and valuing yourself starts with you. It is the first step towards gaining the same from others.

“Once you discover your true worth, walking away from where you are not valued will become the easiest hard thing you will ever do.” Unknown

If they don’t see you as valuable then don’t try to convince them. Remember the only person you need validation from is you. You are enough as you are, you are worthy, you deserve respect, your well-being matters and so does your emotional health. Work on your self-worth and you’ll start attracting the right kind of people, the kind who will respect your worth.

“When you realize your self-worth you’ll stop giving people discounts.” Unknown

AND

“Know your worth and then make sure to add tax.” Unknown

Have an amazing day.

DON’T STRESS!

It is the last thing that I learned and the one that I’ve been trying to come to grips with. It is NOT to stress about whatever comes my way. Easier said than done because I love stressing about anything and everything! I’m an overthinker so that doesn’t help matters much either.

Recently I had problems with my car. The question arose if I should trade it in for a new car or repair it and work with what comes my way. Simple enough? Nope. It became one big stress situation that consumed every minute of my day and if that wasn’t enough, I brought in different scenarios to make matters worse. It became a problem that consumed me until I realized that I needed a solution and FAST!

“Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency.” Natalie Goldberg

I learned it the hard way but I did learn. Things got better when I decided to look at the situation without theatrics, without doomsday predictions and without holding my breath in for long periods of time! The solution came when I calmed down. There were really two options, buy another car or get the one I have repaired.

I decided to get it repaired. It was the cheaper option and since I love the car I have, it became the obvious solution. I placed the order for the part required yesterday, it should be there next week and in two weeks I should have my car back, good as new. Fingers and toes crossed!

Easy enough? It could have been if not for the stressing part which took me on a journey that I didn’t want to be on. Once I calmed down and showed “stress” the door, it became easier. Next time when it shows up as it inevitably will, I will take a deep breath and deal with whatever comes my way in a calm and Zen-like fashion.

Doable? I don’t know but I will give it a try.