mental-health – Page 2

Letting Go of Control

Most of us are “control freaks” when it comes to controlling outcomes. I know I am. We want to take whatever comes our way, things of the unsavory nature and we want to change it or we spend time, sometimes lots of it, mulling over what we cannot control and instead of letting go or accepting it as a lost cause, we try to control the narrative.

“To find calm, let go of the need to control every outcome.” Unknown

I had a tough day yesterday and “calm” had flown the coop and was nowhere to be seen. I kept playing scenarios over and over again and no matter how many times I kept playing it over, the outcome was the same. It was done and dusted and there was nothing I could do about it but to let it go. The only thing I could do was to control my feelings and how I viewed the situation. The other thing that was staring me in the face was that I had no control over the events of the day, only in how I dealt with it. It was time to let it go and I did.

“When you release expectations, you are free to enjoy things for what they are instead of what you think they should be.” Mandy Hale

I spent most of yesterday getting angry, agitated, frustrated, and whatever else you could throw into the pot, I was ready to take it all and to run with it! Human nature is such that we love to entertain problems. Truth is, problems do show up when we least expect them and they throw us for a loop when we come face to face with them. More often than not, anger and frustration accompany problems. Not knowing how to deal with them is why they appear in succession. In my case, it is the opportunity to fall off from the path of self-discovery I was on and to VENT for all its worth! Ok, it’s alright for awhile but I see the toll it takes on my psyche and even then, I refuse to stop, hell-bent on wrecking havoc as I go along on my path of self-righteousness! The good part is, I’ve learned when to put a stop to it. It took me most of the day but when evening rolled around, I was ready to come to my senses and to look at it with a clear head.

“One of the most rewarding and important moments in life is the moment you finally find the courage to let go of what you can’t change.” marcandangel

Learning to let go of control is not easy because letting go of whatever it is means that you no longer have control over the situation. However, sometimes that is a good thing. You need to step back, view it from a distance and come up with solutions to break down the problem and to make it solvable. Yes, it takes time and it takes focus but it is better than going off the deep end as I did yesterday.

“Real strength isn’t control. It’s knowing when to let go.” Christopher Barzak

Have an amazing day.

LOL!

I wasn’t in a good mood yesterday so I went looking for something to lighten the mood and came up with these. It sure did the job so thought I’d share.

Wife: “How would you describe me?”

Husband: “ABCDEFGHIJK”

Wife: “What does that mean?”

Husband: “Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot.”

Wife: “Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?”

Husband: “I’m just kidding!”

Do you think he lived through it?

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Q: Is Google male or female?

A: Female, because it doesn’t let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.

Hmm?

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A lady comes home from her doctor’s appointment grinning from ear to ear. Her husband asks, “Why are you so happy?” She says, “The doctor told me that for a forty-five-year-old woman I have the breasts of an eighteen year old.”

“Oh yeah?” quipped her husband. “What did he say about your forty-five-year- old a**?

Wife: “Your name never came up in the conversation.”

That’ll teach him to be quiet the next time around.

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Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn’t wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn’t wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said “Happy Birthday boss!” I felt so special. She asked me out to lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, “Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?”

“Okay,” I said.

She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, and my colleagues all yelling, “SURPRISE!!!” while I was waiting on the sofa…..naked.

Obviously she wasn’t that kind of secretary but he obviously was that kind of boss!

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Have an amazing day and HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE! Hope you have a peaceful one.

Let It Be

Let It Be. How many times have we heard this phrase? I don’t know about you but I’ve heard it often enough mostly from well-meaning friends, people who care and those who want better for me.

Did it sink in? NOT when I was in the midst of what I call my “end of the world” meltdowns. During these times, “let it be” was the last thing on my mind. However, when you look at these three words, it does hold power behind its seemingly gentle facade. The strength lies in its ability to slow things down, to step back and to take a good hard look at the situation and to say, there is nothing left for me to do so breathe and LET IT BE. Three unassuming words but a powerhouse when it comes to comfort, acceptance and a message of hope.

I want revenge! I want my old friend “karma” to step in and do what I can’t do! I want payback! Unfortunately, revenge is a dangerous option and karma, well it takes its time and that is the problem. Payback? It doesn’t happen automatically. So what do you do while you wait for whatever it is that you’re waiting for to take place? Breathe quietly and LET IT BE.

There is comfort in knowing that you don’t have to do anything. Wipe away the tears, tone down the rhetoric and just LET IT BE.

Acceptance, well this is much more difficult. Accepting means you are ready to let go of an event or situation that has caused so much turmoil. How do you calm this beast down? Breathe deeply and LET IT BE.

Hope is a four letter word that holds power within its unassuming persona. When you zoom into this optimistic state of mind, all things are possible is the message. Armed with comfort, acceptance and hope, I’m going to breathe and LET IT BE, if only for today. Tomorrow is another story!

Today’s mantra will be?

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be.

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

The Beatles

Your Reaction Matters

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“It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.” Epictetus

This basically means that while, “life brings uncontrollable events, your response is a choice.” How often do we react without thinking when something of the unsavory nature happens to us? The reaction that often follows is anger, sadness, depression, unworthiness and a whole host of other emotions. More than that, we carry those feelings on our backs or in our hearts and each one adds to the heavy burden until that load becomes too heavy to carry and to bear.

“The first reaction is surely the most natural one, but not always the most correct one.” Criss Jami

Depending on what was dished out by someone else, your reaction follows a natural path. Was it an insult? Did it bring you down? Was it something that cut you down to size? How about someone’s envy and jealousy? Yes, sometimes those two go together and they can be a powerful deterrent to your mindset and have the ability to make you question yourself. Your reaction to all or some of the above may seem like a normal response but there is a heavy price to pay for those reactions. Just react like “water off a duck’s back,” you say. Not everyone can do that. There are those who take some of those nasty and often hurtful things to heart and it stays and cuts them down to size.

“How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.” Wayne Dyer

This particular quote opened up a door that I had kept closed. I, like many of you, chose to react a certain way when I was faced with events of an unsavoury nature. I would spend a lot of time mulling over the event, wondering why it happened, did I contribute to it, and it just went from bad to worse from there until I was so deep in the rabbit hole that there was no coming up for air!

“NOT EVERY ACTION DESERVES A REACTION.”

That right there is what I had to learn to make things easier, to let go of things that don’t matter and to carry on with a lighter load. The next time someone says something mean or tries to cut you down to size, DO NOT REACT. Easier said than done, I know. Try not to pick up whatever they are throwing your way for whatever reason, that reason is not yours to bear. Go forth knowing that your reaction matters, and your mindset matters too. The less you choose to take on and allow to accompany you on this journey of life, the better.

“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.” Charles R. Swindoll

AND

“Failure happens all the time. It happens every day in practice. What makes you better is how you react to it.” Mia Hamm

The next time you want to jump on that bandwagon of reacting because it is the normal thing to do, take a deep breath, step back, think carefully, drop that stone to the ground and move on leaving it where it belongs. It doesn’t belong with you, let whoever sent it your way have it back. Watch as the power is taken away from them and you walk away the winner.

Have an amazing day.

What Makes Me Laugh?

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I would say a lot of things. I look for laughter everyday and it is an effort that I take seriously. It has been said, “laughter is the best medicine,” and I totally agree. A day without laughter in my world is like a day without sunshine. It is tinged with grey and something seems to be sorely lacking.

Seeking laughter is in my daily to-do list. Stand-up comedy is a good source. I love Max Amini and his brand of comedy. He always has me laughing and if that gets boring, I watch comedies which definitely does the trick and puts a sunshiny spin on my mood. Then there is the abundant supply of jokes out there that tickles my funny bone and I have posted some of them here. Not always funny to some but it is to me and that matters.

My most important laughter maker and stress buster is Chachi, the cat, aka Little Einstein. Not a day goes by without laughter from that angle. He doesn’t even have to do anything, just standing there with his front paws crossed has me breaking out in laughter. There is just something about the little guy that brings smiles and laughter in my direction. Perhaps it is called love, the unconditional kind. Whatever it is, I have found my perpetual source of laughter and it is of the happiness kind. He instigates it sometimes unknowingly but it does the trick and most days I wear a smile on my face having indulged in rip-roaring laughter. Laughter is there to be harvested if you just pay attention and decide to give it a chance. Try it, it is a beautiful thing and it gives stress a boot out the door!

Daily writing prompt

What makes you laugh?

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Solitude

“A place where you meet yourself, where you embrace and appreciate your own company. Exactly, where you face your fears and rethink your decisions. Solitude is that essential place to recharge our inner energy.” Tuwalily

It’s a place I go to where I can shut out the noise, the distractions and the clutter that make up my life. I go within where there is peace to be found, resilience and strength. Solitude and stillness is where answers can be found and I get the strength to move on from where I’m at.

Solitude is defined as a “healthy, personal discipline that allows you to engage in meaningful self-reflection. Loneliness, however, is a state of sadness because one has no friends or company.” fullsailleadership.com

I embrace solitude and there is a certain deliciousness that comes from being still and listening to what is being told to you. When you get rid of the chatter, you get clarity.

“Solitude is where I place my chaos to rest and awaken my inner peace.” Unknown

Meditation, yoga or just a simple walk in the fields helps to open up a world of possibilities. A world where you are not confronted by what others think of you, of having to measure up, or of conforming to what is considered the norm. You can let go and just be yourself. It’s a place where you can go deep within and really see what you’re holding there, find out who you are and a place where you can learn to let go of what doesn’t serve you. There is peace within and unlimited resources but in order to reap the benefits, you need to come face to face with the ugliness, the so-called remnants of your past and retrain your mind to see different. Change your mindset and everything will start falling into place as it should. Solitude is where I find my peace and if I’m willing, it shows me who I am and what I need to change to get to the other side.

“Solitude is dangerous. It’s addicting. Once you see how peaceful it is, you don’t want to deal with people anymore because they drain your energy.” Unknown

I spend a lot of time by myself. I’m learning to love it to the point that I choose my own company to that of being with friends or family. I think that I am my own best friend which is a good thing but as the quote says, it can be addicting and like I sometimes say, I’m a recluse or at least feel like one at times. I’ve come up with a solution to this predicament. I’m really going to make an effort to spend more time with people to break this monotony because both is needed to make me a complete person. However, home is where my heart is.

My bouts of solitude has made me stronger and fully capable of dealing with what life throws my way. There is strength in solitude so seek it, use it and learn that there is a source you can go to when life decides it’s that time again. What time? Time to learn another lesson and before you go, “Oh no!” make solitude your friend and ally and things will start looking up.

“Make yourself a priority once in a while. It’s not selfish. It’s necessary.” Unknown

AND

“I’m not Anti-Social. I’m Pro-Solitude.” Unknown

Have an amazing day.

Gratitude

Zig Ziglar called it the healthiest of all human emotions and it is one that is often overlooked in our day to day existence of what we call “living.” It is unpretentious, it takes its place quietly in the ranks of emotions and waits to be recognized like a step child who is often left wanting. More often than not we walk past without giving it the recognition it deserves.

“Gratitude helps you see what’s there instead of what isn’t.” Unknown

What is gratitude?

Simply put and according to graygroupintl.com, “It is a deep sense of appreciation for the good things in our lives, both big and small. It is about recognizing the positive aspects and expressing gratitude for them. When we practice gratitude, it not only benefits our mental health but also our physical well-being.”

If it is that important, why hasn’t this poster-child for good mental health been given more attention and accolades?

Perhaps, it is because as humans we have a tendency to overlook the “good stuff” and we tend to focus on the lack thereof and all the negatives it entails. If only I had this, then life would be so much better is the mantra we wear with pride and have hone it to an art form that we are blinded to the abundance that surrounds us.

“Wear gratitude like a cloak and it will feed every corner of your life.” Rumi

Practice it daily and it will turn your life around. I still haven’t grasped this concept of being grateful but I am working on it.

How do you practice gratitude? According to mindful.org, the people in the know, it starts like this and if you do it regularly, “it is a game-changer; it has far reaching effects, from improving our mental health to boosting our relationships with others. Living your life with gratitude helps you notice the little wins— and over time strengthens your ability to notice the good.”

Start by observing. Notice the thank yous you say.

Keep a journal of all that you are grateful for and believe me there is plenty to be thankful for.

Make a vow to be grateful everyday.

Meditate – anchor yourself to the good things in your life. Be mindful and live in the present.

The day before was a tough day. Things just didn’t go the way I wanted it to and so my focus was on all the bad stuff which in turn helped me to go further down the rabbit hole. At the end of the day I decided that today would be better. The gratitude part didn’t come till later. I went ahead and booked a massage and as I was lying on the table, face down and staring into nothingness, listening to the soothing music in the background, a small voice said, “Say thank you.” I did and I repeated it several times just in case it didn’t hear me the first me! As the masseuse applied gentle strokes to my back, I realized that I was surrounded with and by abundance.

I slowly started counting off the things I was grateful for and the list was never-ending. The gorgeous day, the blue skies, my friends, the people who cared about my existence and last but not least the wonderful massage that helped to soothe my frazzled nerves. It was a game-changer. I walked out of there with a smile on my face, my woes forgotten for the moment at least and well-prepared for the day ahead.

If you can’t afford a massage even the simplest of things will do it. Go for a walk, pay attention to the sights and sounds, things that help to lift up your soul. It could be as simple as taking in a deep breath, or watching a bird in flight or a tree in bloom, its colors mesmerizing and the scent wafting by better than any artificially manufactured perfume but most of all say, “THANK YOU.” Be grateful for the abundance surrounding you, the roof over your head, the food, nature and all the little and big things that help to make up your life and soon the glass will no longer be half empty but overflowing. A friend said to me, “you need to do what you preach,” and he is right. Thank you friend for being my friend!

Practicing gratefulness is helping to turn things around in my life. It doesn’t come easily but the more I say thank you and appreciate what is around me, the less I see the negatives not that they aren’t there mind you, but to a lesser extent. This too takes time.

“When you are grateful, fear disappears and abundance appears.” Tony Robbins

Have an amazing day.

Nature’s Way

“To walk in nature is to witness a thousand miracles.” Mary Davis

Walking is my favorite thing to do. It helps to clear my mind, helps me to get a better perspective on life and it’s good for the mind and soul not to mention my body so what’s not to like?

It is almost springlike in my part of the world but we are not quite there yet and after the snow, ice and sleet of winter, blue skies and sunshine is a nice change. After having been cooped up for a week, it is time to take advantage of the nice weather.

Zipping up my light jacket with a scarf around my neck and stepping into my boots, I am all ready to head out the door. I am not expecting much, just a beautiful walk in nature. I wonder if I will see the deer I’ve seen on my last few walks. We made eye contact several times and then he took off and went back into the woods. I hope I do because there is something about coming face to face with one of nature’s own. It makes me feel like I belong too.

“Nature is the purest portal to inner-peace.” Angie Weiland Crosby

I am surrounded by blue-tipped mountains on one side and the sporadic green line of the forest on the other. Today, I find myself alone as I am on most days. I feel the wind picking up speed and I pull my coat closer against me as I raise my face to the sky. It is clear and blue and perfect. A loud cawing draws my attention. I look further up the path I am on and see two huge black crows fighting over something. As I approach them, they let out a loud sound at the human who has walked into their space, it almost sounds rude to the ear. Then they flap their wings and take off to another part of the field where they would be left in peace. I understand them well, I crave peace too.

Approaching the apple trees, I see that they’ve lost all their foliage and now stand naked their twig-like branches reaching out to nothing in particular. Not too long ago, they looked bright and beautiful with globes of red, pink and green hanging from their green branches. The apples have been harvested and there is nothing more left to be done until springtime of course. Out of what stands before me will emerge pink and white blossoms bringing with them a faint delicate scent that is warm and delicious and the cycle will start again. So it is with life. There is no end and no beginning. It is a never-ending cycle. You get on at some point and you get off when your time is up but life never stops moving, it just keeps on going.

As I make my way back, I realize that I haven’t seen the deer. I hope it is alright. Feeling refreshed by the clean air and the open spaces for as far as the eye can see, I say a small “thank you” for the beauty, the peace and the graciousness of nature. It has accompanied me in good times and bad and will be my companion for many more walks to come. Suddenly, a sharp shrill sound pierces the air. I look up to see a hawk hovering above me. A smile crosses my face as I watch it stay there for a while. Almost weightless it hovers and then it lets out another shrill cry as it flies away into the blue yonder. Nature teaches us many things but most of all it has the power to heal, it shows us a thousand miracles if we are open to it and in its own way it shows us that there is a time and place for everything.

“I took a walk in the woods and came out taller than the trees.” Henry David Thoreau

Or this one,

“And into the forest I go, to lose my mind and find my soul.” John Muir

Have an amazing day.

Breathing In Life

It’s interesting how everything comes back to this one thing and that is breathing. We pay it very little mind as we rush through life and forget that it exists but only as something we take for granted. It is that motion of taking in a breath and letting it out that tells us we are alive but how are we breathing? Has stress made your breathing harder, has anger stopped it in its tracks or has sadness made it shallow and rhythmless? Probably all of those things and more. Yet, if we stopped breathing than life would come to a standstill.

I found some beautiful quotes that gets you thinking about this thoughtless process we call breathing. It speaks to just how beautiful and essential it is to breathe and to pay attention to the kind of breathing we are doing.

“Life is amazing. And then it’s awful. And then it’s amazing again. And in between the amazing and the awful its ordinary and mundane and routine. Breathe in the amazing, hold on through the awful, and relax and exhale through the awful, and relax and exhale during the ordinary. That’s just living, heartbreaking, soul-healing, amazing, awful, ordinary life. And it’s breathtakingly beautiful.” LR Knost

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“Stop your worrying, panicking and stressing.

BREATHE.

Remember, you made it this far through difficulties that seemed impossible. Remember how many times you were saved at the very last minute – this time is no different.” Bryant McGill

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“You don’t always need a plan. Sometimes you just need to breathe, trust, let go, and see what happens.” Mandy Hale

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“As you waste your breath complaining about life, someone out there is breathing their last breath.” Appreciate what you have.” Unknown

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“Life isn’t measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.” Unknown

Did something or someone take your breath away today? The Magnolia tree out back took my breath away this morning. It is getting ready to bloom and soon it will be a showpiece as it is every year and it will be enough to take your breath away. The daffodils are shaking their yellow heads, their beauty simple but breathtaking. Most of all, the lone deer that ran through the fields this morning was mesmerizing and breathtaking as I stood and watched it do its spring dance of happiness. I got my daily dose of breathtaking moments today but I’m sure there will be more tomorrow, I just need to appreciate what’s in front of me.

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“Sometimes you need to slow down, remain calm, and simply let life happen. Take a deep breath and focus on the simple important things: you are alive, you are breathing, you are enough as you are.” Unknown

YOU GOT THIS.

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“Listen, are you breathing just a little and calling it a life?” Mary Oliver

Words to pay attention to. We deserve better don’t you think?

Have an amazing day.

Combating Negative Feelings

I would say the same things I mentioned in yesterday’s “Daily Prompt,” plus I’ll add a few more. Besides walking, working out and meditation, I put my feelings down on paper or write articles on how I am feeling and what I have done or am doing to combat those feelings.

Writing is a tremendous tool, if you can call it that, to bring out what I am holding inside into the open so that it no longer weighs me down. Getting it out there has also helped me to get a better focus on the problem and to come up with better ways of handling whatever is bothering me. Somehow seeing it for what it is, just a ripple even if at times it seems like a big rock, helps me to deal with the situation in a more focused way. Writing is often my go to method for solving negative feelings and it has been working so far.

The other method I turn to is breathing. Whenever I feel like I am drowning in negativity, it happens from time to time but when I sit myself down and go within and start one of my breathing techniques, it melts away. This doesn’t always work but more often than not. There’s something about taking a deep breath, holding it in for a few seconds and slowly letting go with a sigh that releases the anxiety and nervousness within. It is a stress buster and just a few minutes a day does wonders for my inner being, my psyche and for letting negative feelings go where they belong, wherever that is. Peace is what I seek and it is what I find when I do “deep breathing” several times a day.

Daily writing prompt

What strategies do you use to cope with negative feelings?

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