mental-health – Page 20

Irresponsible Behavior

According to the Collins Dictionary, it is defined as “not showing or done with due care for the consequences of one’s actions or attitudes.”

Basically it points to reckless behavior with no thought for the well-being of someone else and not thinking or worrying about the possible results of said actions. It often stems from a lack of self-discipline amongst other things.

“An irresponsible person has no consideration for others.” Unknown

I have put up with irresponsible behavior for most of my life. I think many of us do. We are known as enablers. We do not hold people accountable for their actions but instead make excuses for them so that they can continue on their merry way wrecking havoc as they go along their path of no consequences and move on with no accountability. One can say, the path to hell is often littered with irresponsible behavior.

“Enabling is a significant part of a codependent relationship. It involves supporting the unhealthy behaviors of someone through action or inaction.” Nedra Glover Tawab

It is a sort of give and take so to speak but only in this case you wind up giving more than you’ll ever receive.

Case in Point:

I have a so-called friend who takes irresponsible behavior to a new high. Let’s just say she walks to her own drumbeat one of no consequences AND recklessness should have been her middle name. Anyway, I’ve enabled some of that behavior by putting up with her actions. It has been mostly showing up late for appointments. In the beginning, it was five or ten minutes late. No big deal right? Now, it has escalated to 30 minutes with a stop to do some shopping in between before she arrives with a smile on her face and no apology whatsoever. Still I let it go. Yes, “enabler” should have been my middle name!

However, what she pulled this past week has brought me to a screeching halt and it is time to step back and re-evaluate the situation.

I was invited to her place for coffee and breakfast. I told her I would bring the bread rolls and she said, “Looking forward to it.” I was looking forward to some girl talk and a nice breakfast in a quiet atmosphere and I got both but with an unexpected guest! I showed up at the stipulated time bread rolls in hand. By the way, you can add, “Ms. Punctuality” to my last name! Anyway, she walks to the gate, we exchange pleasantries and walk to the front door. Still nothing was said. She opens the door, I step inside and she turns around and says, “I’ve been sick, very sick.” I stop in my tracks all alarm bells going off. I ask, “What with?”

She says, “Everything!”

Me: “What do you mean everything?”

She answers, “COVID!”

Me, croaking, “When did it start?”

She says nonchalantly, “It started last Thursday.”

Now, I am not good at Math but even I could figure out that it was less than a week ago! I was in the house with all windows and doors closed. Not only was there no means of escape but the bacteria or rather the virus was getting ready to pounce on me!

I could see that the table was set for breakfast. What should I do? Should I flee? Should I tell her that this is irresponsible behavior of the highest form? She says, “Let’s make some eggs.”

I mumbled, “No, I don’t want eggs thanks,” feeling like the sheep being led to the slaughter. Then she says, “I did the test this morning, it showed one stroke which means I am ok.” I wanted to scream, “I don’t bloody well care!” Did I tell you I am a hypochondriac as well?

It went downhill from there. I had a cup of coffee probably tinged with bacteria. I refused the ham and cheese and had 1/2 a break roll with some butter and marmalade all the time thinking, “It doesn’t matter, I’m going to die anyway!!” I stayed for an hour, yes an hour because of the “enabler” issue and also because leaving any sooner would have been rude on my part. The conversation was stunted to say the least and I tolerated the coughing which was part and parcel of this breakfast date. When I finally got out into the fresh air, I took big gulps as if that was going to stop the virus that was making headway into my system shouting gleefully, “Another one bites the dust!”

It has been four days since and I’ve been downing tea laced with Moringa and spiked with lemon and doing an extra dose of meditation everyday. So far, so good. I googled the incubation period and it says 2-14 days after exposure to the virus! Lord, have mercy!

“Two things I can’t stand – Irresponsible behavior and Disloyalty.” Unknown

Emotionally irresponsible behavior is another form of irresponsible behavior. This one points to an “individual who lacks empathy for a loved one, and one who is frequently insensitive to those whom he or she is closest to.”

I’ve enabled such behavior not once, not twice but more times than I can count on my fingers. To make a long story short, such partners lack the ability to accept responsibility, they lack empathy, they have a fear of commitment, everything is about them, conversations are usually one-sided, they avoid relationship discussions and last but not least, YOU feel alone in the relationship. One such example is a narcissist. A narcissist is an emotionally immature person who often displays all of the symptoms of emotionally irresponsible behavior. They are self-preoccupied and they are “perfect” in their own eyes.

How do you deal with such people. Dr. Henry Cloud has some suggestions as far as “Name Your Boundaries” and standing by them.

I will not allow myself to be constantly criticized or infected with toxic emotional treatment that damages me. If the situation cannot be resolved, I will not expose myself to it.

I will not allow myself to be yelled at or be verbally abused. If that happens, I will distance myself from the relationship until it stops.

I will not allow myself to trust a liar or a cheat. The lying must stop before I trust the person again.

I will not take responsibility for the irresponsible behavior of others.

I will not tolerate any abuse of any kind.

AND MY OWN:

I will not let anyone treat me as if I don’t matter!

I feel a cough and a headache coming on. Time to Google again!

Have a great Sunday and an amazing day.

What Ifs

The dictionary defines a WHAT-IF as a “question that asks someone to imagine what might happen or what might have happened.” Life is full of what-ifs and some of us live our lives carrying that load around knowing full well that it will never become a reality.

We carry the “what ifs” of the past, present and the future that makes life a caricature of what it should be. We whip out the “what ifs” of yesterday to justify where we are today and they affect your present and future like a ripple effect.

We ask:

What if we had stayed together? Life would be so much better today wouldn’t it? Well would it?

What if he/she hadn’t died on me? We would have a wonderful life today. Is that guaranteed or just make-believe?

What if I hadn’t done X, Y, or Z, I would have a completely different life now. Really?

What ifs are suppositions that tend to paint our world in make-believe colors, whatever they may be. The fact is ‘what ifs’ can’t change what has happened and there are no guarantees that if they hadn’t happened, we would be in a different place today. Whatever happened, it happened and for whatever the reason. It was bad but there is no going back. It is a part of the past, accept it and move on.

“That’s the thing about ‘what ifs’; they don’t matter. They don’t change anything. All they do is make it unable for you to heal.” Lindy Zart

So you loved someone with all your heart and that person left you, it happened and they live on in memories nothing more. Accept it and move on. YOU have a life to live.

Someone hurt you in the past. They knew what they were doing but you don’t have to keep paying a price for their meanness. They will reap what they sowed at some point in time. Remember what goes around comes around. Yours is not to ask when or how. All in good time. Let it go and heal.

Life happened and threw you a curveball and you are still asking what if? It doesn’t matter but what matters is that you are in the here and now and those ‘what ifs’ don’t matter anymore only if you let them.

“What” and “if” are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life.”

What if? What if? What if?

Let’s change it to “Why not.”

Why not have a great life? You deserve it don’t you.

Why not leave the past behind you where it belongs? The dead do the haunting not the living. Let it be.

Why not laugh, smile, jump for joy, live and move on? It is your right to do so, isn’t it?

Leave the ‘what ifs’ where they belong. Not in the past, not in the present and not in the future. However, if it keeps bugging you, ask “now what?” Stay in the present and look towards the future and you’ll be just fine. Let’s give the pesky ‘what ifs’ a heave ho and right out the door!

Have an amazing day.

Walking Away

Photo by Anastasiya Lobanovskaya on Pexels.com

“Maturity is learning to walk away from people and situations that threaten your peace of mind, self-respect, values, morals and self-worth.” Unknown

Maturity is one thing but no matter how young, old or mature you get, walking away is a gut-wrenching experience. It is also one of the hardest things to do.

The truth of the matter is that “there is no relationship in which people have the right to violate your boundaries or treat you with disrespect. And if others can’t respect your boundaries, then quietly and calmly walk away. According to Meerabelledey.com, “Bad situations are just that. Bad. Realize that you have the power to walk away from destructive relationships.”

Easier said than done right? Exactly. When I first learned that my ex was cheating on me, I decided to confront him. It was a bad mistake on my part and I had no dignity to speak off at that point in time. All I saw was my 17 year marriage disintegrating like confetti before my very eyes but it wasn’t celebrating anything in particular but signifying the destruction of a sacred trust. My only thought at that moment was, I had to save it.

I approached them and we exchanged words. The woman took off in one direction and my ex took off after her. It was at that very moment that I realized there was no saving what could not or didn’t want to be saved. I was his past and ‘she’ was his new beginning.

“The hardest part about walking away from someone is when you realize that no matter how slow you go, that someone will never run after you.” Unknown

Since then, I’ve made the mistake of staying in relationships for way too long. Walking away was my last resort and trying to work a no win situation was my top priority until I learned that giving up and walking away did not mean I was weak but the contrary. It takes strength and courage to say, enough is enough and to leave with your dignity intact.

“Knowing when to walk away is WISDOM.

Being able to is COURAGE.

Walking away with your head held high is DIGNITY.”

According to experts learning to walk away can be learned and it gets easier as you go through the motions over and over again. I guess it is the same way with everything else in life. Repetition does make things easier I suppose but who wants to do a repeat performance of the bad kind like in Groundhog’s Day or as in a recurring nightmare? When has walking away from someone ever been easy? It has always been a gut-wrenching, gasping for air and almost like you’re drowning experience for me.

Life is complicated enough as it is and hitching our wagon to the wrong person makes it harder still. It’s a surefire way to face destruction of a different kind that of emotional distress, mental health problems, anxiety, depression and low self-esteem. Finally, it will drain your energy.

“We don’t walk away to teach people a lesson. We walk away because we finally learned ours.” Unknown

Make the hard decision but the right one.

Walk away from people who don’t care about you or your well-being. You deserve better.

Walk away from people who use and abuse you. You are worth more than that.

Walk away from people who cheat, lie and disrespect you. They are never going to make you happy.

Walk away from people who are just treading water, they will go under sooner or later and pull you down with them.

Walk towards people who care, respect, love and are KIND to you. They will take care of your heart.

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” Unknown

Have an amazing day.

A Gorgeous Day

“A beautiful day begins with a beautiful mindset.” Unknown

That’s the truth, however, I had a bad night so I wasn’t expecting anything better. I wrote about my ‘cheesecake fetish’ yesterday and after polishing off half the cake, I spent most of the night puking my guts out! There’s a lesson to be learned in the mere art of puking. Overindulgence is never a good thing.

I woke up this morning looking a little green around the gills and had decided to spend the day in bed drinking lots of water to flush out my system and eating soup to give my stomach a break. Absolutely NO cheesecake today!

Looking outside I noticed that the sun was making a showing after disappearing for a few days so I decided to do my walk in the fields. It definitely will cheer me up so off I went, a plum in one hand as a reminder to stay away from all that is not good for me. I was off to a good start.

The fields greeted me with open arms ablaze in beautiful sunshine. Immediately, a smile crossed my face and I veered off on the path to the apple trees. It was muddy in some places but I made my way gingerly hopping over stones as I glanced towards the apple trees awash in a golden light. Approaching a small forest to my left, it looked dark and dreary closed in by trees. Some branches had escaped their tight confines and were now forming a shady canopy over the pathway making it almost impassable because the ground was drenched in thick gooey mud. I navigated my way through trying not to get my boots dirty which was an impossible task but as I emerged out into the open, the blazing sun almost blinded me and I was back on firm footing again. In the distance, the mountains had emerged from their purple shroud of fog and were now covered in green and gold. The apple trees looked bare but for a few globes of yellow and red still hanging on for dear life. They too will fall to the ground pretty soon or some person will pluck them as a tasty snack. Winter is definitely approaching.

Once again, I was the only one out there. I had paradise to myself and as I took in a big breath of fresh air filled with all things nice I made my way back deep in thought. I realized that life is very much like the mud-covered pathways. You do have to navigate them, sometimes they are rocky, sometimes barely visible coated with mud BUT if you keep on going, sunshine greets you on the other side. Darkness never lasts for very long, it is always followed by light but only if you keep moving. Trusting that concept is the problem but today I have a gorgeous day ahead of me and a feeling that anything is possible if you have the right mindset and the will to keep going.

HAVE AN AMAZING DAY

Pay Attention

Life often speaks in whispers at the beginning, it stomps its feet if you don’t listen and it screams to get your attention when you’re heading towards a head-on collision. Through it all, it has your back and is on your side if only you are willing to pay attention to what it has to say. And that is the hard part.

“Consider for a moment what you pay attention to all day long. What seems important to you, what do you take for granted and hardly attend to at all? Write it down. Do not judge your answers. Be honest and simple. As you keep track all week long, you’ll be amazed at what claims your attention what you give your precious life force to.” Brenda Shoshanna

The truth is as “humans” we march to our own drumbeat. We see what is not good for us, we know it spells trouble and we know if we keep going down that path, it will take us to exactly where we don’t want to go BUT we are hell-bent on doing it anyway. Are we wired for destruction, is that what we seek? At times, it seems that way but luckily for us, life comes in and shows us the way out but only if we pay attention.

“Pay attention to the signs. Stop making excuses for people. Stop defending their inconsiderate ways. Start taking care of you and your own needs.” Unknown

I do that all the time. Make excuses for inconsiderate people that is BUT there comes a point in time when I say enough is enough and then I shut the door behind me but unfortunately, it is always a day late and a dollar short. I’ve learned my lessons the hard way but most of us do. Don’t ask me why but we just do. Do we get a thrill out of pain? I don’t know but not paying attention when life is screaming seems to be the problem.

When we don’t pay attention to love, it has a tendency to bring us down to our knees and then we ask what happened? We know exactly why. The answers have been staring us in the face even before the collision happened.

Pay Attention To Her:

When a woman is “tripping” she cares, when a woman is “mad” she believed in you and you let her down, when she is “asking questions” she is trying to gain clarity, when she is “quiet” and letting things slide she is giving up….And when she is not doing all of the above…just know you have lost a good woman.” Unknown

AND

“Sometimes you have to put aside what you feel for them, and PAY ATTENTION to what their actions are saying they feel for you.”

Finally, paying attention seems to be the key to a better life, better relationships and a better way through the intricate maze we call life. Pay attention to the signs before it is too late. Not easy to do as always but there is no other way it seems.

Listen to the wind, it talks.

Listen to the silence, it speaks.

Listen to your heart, it knows. Native American Proverb

Have An Amazing Day

Positivity

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

This is a hard one because “positivity” is almost a foreign word in our vocabulary. The thing that comes to mind first and foremost are all the negatives we can drum up but looking for the positive is really hard to do.

How often do we get up in the mornings and the first thing that occupies our mind is all the stuff that went wrong yesterday and the outcome of that negativity facing us today. It could have been something small, something inconsequential but to us it is now a monster problem that is going to take up most of today if we let it. We love playing it over and over, adding to it and blowing it up into something unmanageable. Truth be told, all it takes is changing that negative mindset into a positive one and to say, “I CAN DO THIS!” Show up with a positive attitude and let the day takes its course. Not that simple but the other alternative is the one that is going to take you down the rabbit hole and keep you there and you don’t want that.

Here are a few positive quotes to get you on the way. Read, embrace and put them into practice.

“When you can’t control what’s happening, challenge yourself to control the way you respond.

That’s where your power is.” Unknown

“Beautiful things happen when you distance yourself from negativity.” Unknown

“What’s on your mind becomes what’s in your life, so think the thoughts you want to see.” BoomSumo.com

“You don’t drown by falling in the water; you drown by staying there.” Ed Cole

This is a really good one. Most times we stand still and wallow in our misery. Moving is the key here.

“Tough times don’t last. Tough people do.” Unknown

“Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll start having positive results.” Willie Nelson

“Staying positive doesn’t mean you have to be happy all the time. It means that even on hard days you know that there are better ones coming.” Unknown

“Stay positive! The only difference between a good day and a bad day is your attitude.” Unknown

That is the absolute unvarnished truth!

“Sometimes the bravest and most important thing you can do is just show up.” Brene Brown

And this is often the hardest to do.

“Don’t forget that you’re human. It’s okay to have a melt down. Just don’t unpack and live there. Cry it out and then refocus on where you are headed.” Unknown

Remember my “All That Baggage” post? Been there, done that and moving on!

I love this one below.

“Just for the record darling, not all positive change feels positive in the beginning.” S. C. Laurie

Ever been in a situation that seemed totally negative at first but turned out to be the best thing that could have happened to you? I’ve lived through many of those moments, cried my heart out but in the end it turned out for the best. Be brave enough to embrace the challenges and let it show you the way. Life knows what it is doing even if you don’t.

TODAY I WILL:

Stay positive

Learn & Grow

Worry Less

Say Kind Words

Laugh More

Choose Love

Believe in Myself

AND

LET GO OF NEGATIVITY

You’re on the way!

HAVE AN AMAZING DAY!

Start Your Day Right

These days I’m obsessed with doing it right. Everything that has to do with my well-being comes first and I’m proactive as far as what it takes to have a clear and focused mind, what it means to leave the stress behind and what is needed to forge my way forward.

Walking, working out, positive thinking, breathing for all I’m worth, eating right and meditating all play a big role in my daily existence. It helps in keeping my sanity intact as well!

During one of my searches for doing it better, I came across these three sentences which got me thinking. Do they hold the key to longevity and a better life? I’m not really sure but they seem to hold the promise of directing you in the right direction and to help in dealing with life’s challenges.

Think of one thing you’re grateful for.

According to http://www.helpguide.org, “Gratitude involves showing appreciation for the things in life that are meaningful or valuable to you. Taking a moment to notice and acknowledge the things you’re grateful for each day can brighten your outlook, boost your mood, and help you feel more positive in the face of challenges.”

Here are a few examples:

I am grateful for the brand new day.

I am grateful for the warm bed.

I am grateful for the air that I am breathing.

I am grateful for the people I love and who love me back.

Go ahead. Name one thing you are grateful for.

What are you proud of?

There are so many things but here are a few examples taken from “collective world”

Accomplishing things on your own.

Going for a walk when it’s the last thing you feel like doing.

Not giving up even when you really want to.

Getting up in the morning when you are struggling to find a reason to.

Starting habits to better your life and sticking to them.

Being kind when your heart is hurting.

Letting go of toxic people in your life.

Just a few examples to get you started. It’s your turn now. What are you proud of?

Lastly set an intention.

Where are you going today? Are you headed somewhere positive? Setting an intention helps you to find, create, have and experience positivity and it helps you to regain hope.

Some examples are:

Today, I will be kind to myself.

Today, I won’t beat myself up or others.

Today, I will practice self-care.

Today, I will eat healthy things.

Today, I will love myself.

Just a few examples but you get the drift. Make them positive and use them to change your mindset and yourself for the better. You are the one who writes your story, make it a good one.

HAVE AN AMAZING DAY.

ALL THAT BAGGAGE

A soft reminder:

“not everything that weighs you down is yours to carry.” Unknown

I’m talking about emotional baggage, the kind that has gathered so much dust but we still carry them around like an albatross around our necks. Everyone has them but some find it easy to let go and to move on. Others lug it around because they love going back there for whatever the reason and than there are those who use it as a “get out of jail free card.” They whip it out as a talking point as to why they are stuck where they’re at and can’t see their way forward.

Most or all of the “emotional baggage” belongs in the past but unresolved issues, anger, sadness, grief or just plain, “I love living in the past” attitude puts it front and center and makes it very much a part of the present.

“Leave your baggage where it belongs. In the past. It has no place in your future.” Unknown

Things happen and oftentimes we have no control over it. It could be a break up or a painful event such as losing a loved one or even situations which cause anger, confusion and absolute disbelief. They happened and there is no changing the outcome but by carrying that baggage around like a well-worn trophy, it is not going to change what took place in the past. It happened and there is no going back. You can only move forwards.

“We all have baggage but there comes a time when you realize it’s time to UNPACK.” Unknown

Here are some examples of emotional baggage:

I’ll never be good enough.

I don’t deserve good things.

Everyone will leave me.

I am angry.

I will never forgive.

I can’t escape my past.

Nobody cares about me!

I hate my life!

I can’t move forward.

I failed.

This is as good as it gets.

Recognize any of them? I DO.

“Emotional baggage refers to “unfinished emotional issues, stressors, pain, and difficulties we’ve experienced that continue to take up space in our minds and affect our present relationships.” http://www.verywellmind.com

The truth is:

“Emotional baggage is heavy, and it’s way too expensive to keep dragging along to all the places that life wants to take you.” Unknown

No, it is not easy to get rid of emotional baggage because we keep filling it up every chance we get. It gets so full sometimes that I can’t zip it up for all the useless stuff that I fill it up with, mostly things that have happened and it is still there for all the reasons I have stated above. It’s time to refocus and discard what no longer serves you.

If you want to get rid of the ‘useless’ you need to do some work. According to http://www.griefworkcenter.com, “Identify what you have actually lost and grieve that which is gone, focus on your strengths that empower you; explore the tasks you need to complete to let go of the overwhelming feelings, and focus on how you have experienced growth because of what happened.”

I can hear one friend saying, “I CAN’T! It seems like only yesterday.” To that friend I say, “The truth is, it’s been more than 10 years. LET IT GO.” You don’t need that “get out of jail free card,” anymore, you have places to go.

AND

“Misery might love company but so does joy, and joy throws much better parties.” Billy Joey

Groundhog’s Day

This particular phenomenon is defined as “a situation in which the same usually negative or monotonous experiences occur repeatedly or are felt to occur repeatedly with no change or correction.”

In the movie, Phil (Bill Murray), a weatherman finds himself trapped in a time warp and he is doomed to relive the same day over and over again UNTIL he gets it right.

“If you want something new, you have to stop doing something old.” Peter Drucker

Ever felt like you’re reliving an experience over and over again? I have and it is not only a bad feeling but getting off that roller coaster is sometimes hard to do. I’ve asked myself why am I here again? Did I not work through this already? I thought I was heading towards something better but it is the same old runaround and the same old Deja Vu feeling.

“Life is from the inside out. When you shift on the inside, life shifts on the outside.” Kamal Ravikant

Perhaps that right there is the problem in a nutshell. I did not shift or change from the inside but was just pretending like it had. According to http://www.boro.ac.uk, the reason can be found in the way our “brain processes information and creates templates that we refer to again and again. The templates are essentially shortcuts, which help us make decisions in the real world. They are known as heuristics and they make us repeat our errors.”

Too complicated? I think so too. Another expert had this to say: “the neural pathways are programmed such that every time we remember a past mistake, the brain heads back down the previous pathway.”

Oh God, this is even worse! I don’t want my brain remembering every mistake I made! The goal is to never repeat those mistakes again. However, no matter how hard I try I feel like the proverbial horse being led to drink from a pond I don’t want to. Perhaps, I have no control over the matter because those mistakes have already been pre-programmed into my inner core and there is nothing I can do about it. If that is the case, it is Groundhog’s Day over and over again. How awful is that?!!

It is time to make some drastic changes. The moral of Groundhog’s Day was:

“If you’re tired of reliving the same day repeatedly, something must change – and it’s up to you.”

According to the experts, if you’re finding yourself in “bad” relationships then recognizing “those past relationship mistakes and patterns can make a big difference in your future.” How do you stop making those same mistakes? Are there certain patterns or specific types who are not good for you?

Here are some problem-solvers:

Make small changes. Humans are creatures of habit and therefore comfortable with what is not necessarily good for us. Change doesn’t happen overnight but breaking those negative patterns one piece at a time might lead you in the right direction.

Practice self-care and don’t beat yourself up over mistakes you’ve made. Bad relationships can damage your self-esteem so be extra kind and gentle to yourself. Meditate, exercise, do yoga but more importantly take all that wasted energy and dedicate it to yourself.

Give yourself time to heal – don’t jump into the next relationship, give yourself time to heal.

Then there are three basic attachment styles: Insecure-avoidant, Insecure-anxious and Securely attached. The first two struggle and see themselves as being not enough. Both these types struggle with vulnerability. The Securely-attached might have the same problems as the first two but they embrace their vulnerability and are ready to accept and receive comfort, security and safety which helps to quiet the negative voices within them. Unfortunately, I belong to the first two attachment types. All fine and good but how do I outsmart my brain and get rid of that template which keeps bringing me back to the same place over and over again? I know that this is going to be a long process and a hard journey but I am bent on breaking the cycle. It is time to move on and to get it right!

“You are the author of your own story. If you don’t like where this chapter is going, it’s OK to start a new one.”

BUT, I like this one better.

“Life is tough my darling, but so are you.” Stephanie Bennett Henry

HAVE AN AMAZING DAY

The Lighted Candle

The primary symbolism of candles lies in their ability to illuminate darkness. Candles, with their gentle glow, symbolize the search for truth, clarity and inner illumination. I equate quotes as having the same power. If you listen carefully they open doors, lead you forward and they teach without delivering a sermon.

Some of my all-time favorite quotes come from a blogger who is also the creator of the social media movement “The Single Woman.” She has written many “scathing articles and books and don’t forget quotes about her ex-boyfriend and about his pathological emotional abuse and betrayals. The lady speaks to my heart. Here are some of my favorite quotes written by Mandy Hale.

“Growth is painful. Change is painful. But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don’t belong.”

“Just be yourself. Let people see the real, imperfect, flawed, quirky, weird, beautiful, magical person, that you are.”

And if they can’t handle you, it is their problem not yours.

“Ten years from now, make sure you can say that you chose your life, you didn’t settle for it.”

This one is scary. Sometimes you want to settle because fear takes over but settling means giving up and you are too important for that. Do not settle for less than you want.

“The less you respond to rude, critical, argumentative people, the more peaceful your life will become.”

This one is exhausting. Learning to deal with such people is never easy, add trying to make them see different is like talking to the wall. Let it go and embrace peace.

“You’re actually MORE likely to be single when you have a lot to offer because you’ll realize that most people aren’t worthy of all that greatness.”

I totally agree, well, it is actually a more positive way of looking at it.

“It’s OK to be scared. Being scared means you’re about to do something really, really brave.”

Fear is my second name but I suppose I have done things to be proud of in spite of it. Brave things? Maybe….

“Confidence is the ability to feel Beautiful without needing someone to tell you.”

Ok this one hit home. I wrote an article yesterday about one of my OFF days and looking like a nightmare in the process. A friend told me later, I can turn all your nightmares into dreams! The problem is I lack confidence so that didn’t do much to get me out of Nightmare land!

Confidence is not:

“They will like me.”

Confidence is:

“I’ll be fine if they don’t.”

“Sometimes our lives have to be completely shaken up, changed and rearranged to relocate us to the place we’re meant to be.”

Been there, done that, many times over. Still looking for the relocation part.

“A person being “too busy” is a myth. People make time for the things that are really important to them.”

This is the absolute truth. No time means YOU are not important.

“If you lost it, it’s because you’re meant to find something better. Trust, let go and make room for what’s coming.”

Doing exactly that but can someone tell me how long this process will take?

“To get over the past, you first have to accept that the past is over, no matter how many times you revisit it, analyze it, regret it, or sweat it….it’s over. It can hurt you no more.”

True but you sure can learn from it and not repeat the same mistakes the next time around.

“You’re beautiful just the way you are. Shine on, and dare anyone to turn off your lights.”

“The only keeper of your happiness is YOU. Stop giving people power to control your smile, your worth and your attitude!”

There you go, perfectly said I might add.

Where are you going today? Are you dealing with negatives or are you heading towards more positive pastures? Let go and move towards the light. Take the candlelight with you and pass it on to someone who really needs it.

Think of one thing you are grateful for. When I first heard this, I had a hard time finding just one little thing. Within a few minutes, I had my basket full! I am grateful for the roof over my head, the warm bed, the beautiful fall day, the food that gave me joy today and the people who are dear to me. Of course, Chachi, the cat is at the top of that list too.

HAVE AN AMAZING DAY