mental-health – Page 27

Rejections

“Rejection is when we seek out a connection and the object of that connection turns us down. All people experience forms of rejection throughout their lives, whether they are turned down for a job they wanted, turned down for a date, or experience a friend or romantic partner ending their relationship.” http://www.verywellmind.com

It can be a no for a job interview, no when asked out on a date or no to a relationship, however, it is not a one rejection fits all kind of thing. There are different circumstances but they have one thing in common, they all have a negative connotation and that is the connection that binds each and every rejection. It is painful and it quite often affects your self-esteem and chips away at your self-confidence depending on the type of rejection and how cruel or mean the rejection was.

“Rejection is a common occurence. Learning that early and often will help you build up the tolerance and resistance to keep going and keep trying.” Kevin Feice

Not being picked for a job might seem traumatic and it may cause emotional or physical distress. Social rejections are just as upsetting. Getting turned down on a date or a sudden breakup could cause turmoil or upheaval in a person’s life. Or if someone doesn’t want to be your friend, that can be especially painful.

“REJECTION doesn’t mean you aren’t good enough; it means the other person failed to notice what you have to offer.” Unknown

How do you deal with rejections? Perhaps by remembering:

“Every no brings you closer to a yes.” Unknown

If that doesn’t work, here are some tips from the people in the know. According to verywellmind.com, healthy ways of dealing with rejection is to let go of blame. Learn from it and approach it with a positive mindset and say it will be better the next time around and there is always a next time. Feel your emotions and don’t bottle them up. If you need to let it out, LET IT OUT!

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts.” Winston Churchill

There are unhealthy ways of dealing with it as well and we all know what those are, don’t we?

Taking a rejection personally and beating ourselves down with it is one way not to do it. Comparing ourselves to others is definitely not the way to go. Downplaying your feelings is not a good option but the most important point is to NEVER GIVE UP!

Rejections take all forms but learning to deal with them without letting it gnaw at your soul takes practice, patience and a positive mindset. Sure, you can’t just brush it off like water off a duck’s back because it has a tendency to go deeper but learning the right methods to deal with it means you are armed and ready to conquer anything even something as nasty as a rejection or two. And if someone rejects you, the quote below brought a smile to my face, hope it does to yours.

“Don’t feel BAD if someone REJECTS you, PEOPLE usually reject EXPENSIVE things because they can’t AFFORD THEM.”

One way of looking at it!

HAVE AN AMAZING DAY!

Declutter Your Mind

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It’s a gorgeous day with light fluffy clouds and blue skies. The weather forecasters didn’t get it wrong when they promised a really nice Sunday but they never do. They’ve got it down to a science.

Sitting out on the terrace with the sun’s rays picking up heat, it feels good. I had just finished decluttering my wardrobe, took the summer stuff out, made room for the warm winter clothes and bagged up the unwanted pieces that had been cluttering up my space for no other reason than to just take up space. Twice a year, I do the changeover but it never ceases to astonish me at just how much stuff I had accumulated in between seasons, unwanted things that is. I can’t seem to say, “Your time is done, it’s time for you to go.”

Perhaps humans have a tendency to hang onto things even when the expiry date has come and gone and doing so not only clutters up the limited space we have but we do the same thing with our minds as well so that it is hard to find our way through the maze that we call our mind.

The Oxford dictionary defines declutter as “removing unnecessary items from (an untidy or overcrowded place.”

How often do we declutter our minds? I don’t because unlike decluttering a wardrobe, my mind contains ‘stuff’ that I have put away under lock and key and opening it back up would be like looking straight into Pandora’s box. I have collected so much baggage from my past that I wouldn’t know what or how to get rid of what no longer serves me not that it had served me before. All that clutter were and are reminders of a past, at times beautiful memories but hidden within the joyful memories are the monsters I would rather forget. I don’t want to frolic there for too long so why do I keep them there like precious trinkets when they are not.

“You can’t reach for anything new if your hands are still full of yesterday’s junk.” Louise Smith

That right there is the truth although most of us refuse to accept the inevitable and declutter if not once a year at least regularly to make space for what needs to be there. Alas, we are good at storing things. We carry along years and years of baggage just for the sake of reminding us how awful someone had been, we hold on to unkind things that had happened and perhaps we need these momentous to feel righteous about why we are the way we are.

Recently I spoke to a friend who lost his wife five years ago and whenever things are not going well in his life, he pulls out his ace card, his dead wife. “She was the best,” he moans trying to convince himself more than anyone else. It’s a phrase he throws out there whenever he needs to but I know and he knows that things weren’t all that great in paradise as he would like everyone to believe. Yet he keeps himself from moving forward by hanging on to the make-believe in his mind and so doesn’t give the new person a chance to come into his life. He then wonders why he can’t keep a woman by his side. No woman in her right mind would want to compete with a dead wife knowing full well that it would be a losing battle from the get-go.

“Mental clutter is the energy we consume everyday and the thoughts that take up space in our mind. It is the ‘noise’ that keeps us from seeing the world through a clear lens.” Unknown

I know someone else who had something awful happen to him. It has been years since that took place but every chance he gets he throws it out like a gauntlet and challenges anyone to pick it up and prove him wrong. He doesn’t realize that all those bad memories need to be put to rest, dwelling on them brings no solutions only anger and the refusal to move on. If you want to move on to something better, the past needs to be laid to rest. There is no other way.

I know that all of us have baggage from the past in one form or another, some less, some more and some are hoarders! Looking into that space I call my mind, I am horrified at the clutter and junk there. Where do I even start? The golden rule to decluttering is to take one room at a time and this works for your mind as well. Look at one unwanted thing, spend some time there, make peace and let it go. This process requires looking at the ‘hard stuff’ but moving on always requires working with something we don’t want to but in the long run we will be thankful that we did. It is also the only way to let go, make room for the ‘new’ in your life. I have to remind myself of that as well. If you don’t know where to start, here are some tips.

8 Ways To Declutter Your Mind:

Accept what is.

Be kind to yourself.

Release your guilt and fears.

Let go of control.

Visualize what’s important to you.

Focus on your life-force energy.

Allow yourself to be vulnerable.

Find what doesn’t serve or interest you and let it go.

HAVE AN AMAZING DAY!

Inner Peace

A friend asked me recently, “What do you seek the most?” I couldn’t give him an answer right away. It was a troubling question to say the least. I thought I knew because I had been working on exactly this for months on end but now faced with a direct question and I had no answers or rather I was unsure. I wanted to say “love” but the word that jumped in was “peace.” More specifically, “inner peace.” I think without it nothing else matters. It all boils down to just living for the sake of living.

What is inner peace? According to http://www.calm.com, “Inner peace is a deep state of calm, acceptance and contentment. It means being in harmony with yourself, others, and the world around you. It’s not about eliminating challenges or difficulties but navigating through them with a tranquil and accepting mind.”

Do I have that kind of peace in my life? Truthfully, I’m not sure. I have a tendency to let things rattle me, unnerve me, shake me to the core and kick me off balance. I know I have stress and that is nothing new. Dealing with stress has always been an uphill battle but I’m doing better. However, I still have a long ways to go. The question then arose, how do I go about securing inner peace? The kind that gives me a deep state of calm and paints my world a beautiful shade of pink? The quote below might work.

“Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.” Pema Chodron

Sounds simple enough but let me tell you, it’s a hard one for me. I let people control my feelings, emotions and my reactions and that is the first problem. I needed simpler solutions to a tough question so I decided to go looking and turns out I’ve been doing them already!

Breath it says. Take time out in the day to just breath and let go. I’m learning all kinds of breathing techniques and it is not just about taking a breathe in and expelling it out. The experts have honed breathing to a new high. Breathing has gone high-tech but the original version still works. Try it for a slice of good old-fashioned peace.

Focus is the other technique used to achieve inner peace. Live in the present, embrace it, let it unfold and do not control. Life knows exactly what to do. A really hard one for me as I wanted the answers yesterday!

Meditation is a gold mine and don’t I know it. My early morning and evening meditation practices have worked wonders in my life. I’m calmer, my reaction to unwanted challenges is slower and my mind seems quieter than it used to be. Worth a try if tranquil peace is what you’re searching for. It takes practice to calm that fidgety mind but time and patience will get you there. There is a plus, there is nothing more delicious than unadulterated inner peace.

Nature, connect with it and it will instill peace to the depths of your soul. Something as simple as a walk will take you there. Fresh air and nature’s beauty will clear your mind and you will get a different perspective on life looking at it through nature’s viewpoint. Everything has a time and place, do not rush that is the message.

Practicing gratefulness is a big one. I’ve started practicing this simple concept and my glass went from half empty to actually quite full. Do it often enough and you won’t be lacking anything at all! Too simple? I know. Given time this technique does work because it changes your mindset from negative to a more positive one and we all need that.

If none of the above methods work, do this instead.

“Learning to ignore things is one of the great paths to inner peace.” Robert J. Sawyer

Ever since that question was thrown in my direction, I’ve been thinking about the mindset for inner peace and I have come to the conclusion that all roads lead to “inner peace” first. If you want to have a life free from chaos, disarray and turmoil, work towards inner peace and all the other things will fall into place. Challenges are a part of life both big, small and the daily variety but you can overcome if you focus, work on clearing it and MOVE ON! Standing still in one place for too long would be a big mistake. The Gambler song gives us some tips on how to do exactly that.

If you’re gonna play the game, boy

You gotta learn to play it right.

You’ve got to know when to hold ’em

Know when to fold ’em

Know when to walk away

And know when to run….

Every gambler knows

That the secret to survivin’

Is knowing what to to throw away

And knowin’ what to keep

Those last three lines speak to the matter of inner peace.

Figure it out, have confidence in yourself and HAVE AN AMAZING DAY!

A Walk To Somewhere

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I woke up this morning with a new mindset and ready to conquer the day. Starting the day off with meditation did wonders and being grateful for the brand new day ahead got me revved up to see how this new day would develop.

As usual, I was looking forward to my walk in the open fields but this morning, there were more people than I wanted to see! I could feel my mood sinking and my engine losing power but before it could get all the way down to ground zero, I put my best smile on my face, greeted a few neighbors like I meant it and took off to a quieter part of the fields.

Once there, I felt calm take hold as it always does when I can see blue skies splashed above me and open landscape for as far as I can see. Gorgeous can’t even begin to describe it. It is windy today and there is a chill in the air but it somehow added to my feeling of “freedom.” Walking next to the forest line, the rustling from the tree tops created music of their own. I had my own symphony playing the most beautiful music and my smile got wider as I took it all in and I could feel my soul soaring. I was at peace.

Nature has a way of soothing even the most frazzled nerves and it has worked its magic on me many times over. Breathe I told myself as I took in the biggest breath I could take. It felt good. I decided to let go of what I didn’t need. The anxiety, fear, anger and uncertainty, they all needed to go. Nature was my guide now and I decided to let it take me to where I needed to go to find my inner peace and I did exactly that. I took in the scents and sounds of nature like I was hearing and seeing it for the very first time. The squawking of a black crow was unsettling but the graceful gliding of the hawk above me was mesmerizing. The wind picking up speed and sweeping haphazardly through my long hair felt good and the big puffy white clouds on their way to nowhere was interesting to watch. It was nature at its best and I was paying attention to it.

It took all of 20 minutes and I was a different person altogether. Gone were the anxiety of this morning, the little aggravations that tend to press at your nerve endings and gone too were the feeling of carrying way too much on your shoulders. I was free as a bird and as light as a feather. Nature has a tendency to do exactly that if you let it.

Out in the open, I am in sync with my inner being as I connect with the simplest things possible. The air I breathe, a bird taking flight, nature waking up to a brand new day and all the soft sounds around me. I make my way back my mind free, my nerves settled and my mood ready to tackle a brand new day. I am ready for anything life throws my way. Coffee sounds good and so does everything else!

HAVE AN AMAZING DAY!

Press Reset

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“Don’t forget power in resetting, on any given day…you are allowed to start over, if you feel like you’re going down the wrong path, RESET.” Reyna Biddy

When the sun goes down and you find yourself staring at another day ending and you realize that progress is not being made, hit the “RESET” button. You are not stuck even though it might feel that way at times but you have the power to change whatever it is you want to change in your life. You need the mindset, know what it is you’re after, hit “reset” and go after it.

It is not that simple I know. In fact, it might be one of the hardest things you’ll have to do because changing your mindset is not easy and it is not simple either. Old habits die hard and sometimes they are hard to give up because there is comfort in hanging on to things you know best. Laziness, putting out the least effort possible and waiting for the world to reward you for nothing in particular is not going to work and it has never worked.

“You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.” C. S. Lewis

It takes YOU to change your place in the world. Where you stand, how high or low you are in the grand scheme of things all depends on you but one thing is clear, progress needs hard work, it means falling down a few more times than you wanted to but always keeping your eyes on the prize. If you want that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, you’ve got to go after it. We want to make life simple but it has other plans for us. Life is about learning from your mistakes, saying “no” to easy and knowing that you’ve got to throw yourself into “hard” to make it happen. Falling down is part and parcel of this thing called life but standing back up and moving forward gives you another chance, another opportunity to reach your end goal. You need to be better and you need to set yourself apart from the ordinary to make it. Sparkles and sunshine is not always the case but grit and determination will get you there.

Hitting “reset” and doing the same old things over and over again is not going to do it either. You need to “refocus” to get things going again. If something is not working, focus on what it is and change it. Try different angles and attitudes and at some point you’ll get it right, at least I hope I will at some point in time. Until then, I’ll hit “reset” as many times as I need to and I’ll tell the “victim mentality” I carry around with me which keeps me from achieving my goals to hit the door as well!

So if you’re standing where I have many many times before and watching the sun set on another fruitless day, hit “RESET.” Tomorrow is on its way, it’s a new day to work your magic on a blank slate and to have your name written there as a success story. It’s all up to you.

Reset, refocus, readjust, restart, as many times as you need to. JUST NEVER GIVE UP!” Unknown

Finding Yourself

“Finding yourself” is not really how it works. You aren’t a ten dollar bill in last winter’s coat pocket. You are also not lost. Your true self is right there, buried under cultural conditioning, other people’s opinions, and inaccurate conclusions you drew as a child and adult that became your beliefs about who you are. “Finding yourself” is actually returning to yourself. An unlearning, an excavation of remembering who you were before the world got its hands on you. Unknown

I love this quote above because it speaks to the truth of the matter. Quite often we ask who am I? How do I find myself again? These questions often arise after an especially hard or traumatic time and you are feeling lost. Feeling lost and not seeing a clear path ahead is normal, all of us go through it at one point or another. However, staying lost in a jungle of emotions for long periods of time is concerning and needs looking into.

Cultural conditioning does play a big part in how you see yourself. “It’s your upbringing!” I’m sure you’ve heard that one before, I have. I equate the way I react to certain things to my rigid Christian upbringing. Even though I bucked at all the rules and regulations, I couldn’t get away from my conditioning as a young Christian girl. You can take the girl out of that environment but you can’t take the deeply ingrained teachings out of the girl. So it was and is with me.

People’s opinions is a powerful tool indeed. There are good, not so good and extremely biased ones and they can help to build or tear you down. Opinions are a dime a dozen but when used as a weapon, they have the potential to hurt and to fashion your outlook on life and yourself. If you are faced with constant negative feedback, you become conditioned to expect more of the same. It’s the same for positive feedback and so people do have a hold on how you see the world. It’s easy to say let it roll off your back but some of those opinions can break your bones and that is the problem.

In the dating world, you come across many different types of men. The ones who make my skin crawl are the ones who expect “something” from the get go. By date 3, you get the feeling that you’re expected to put out or else you are “COMPLICATED!” Heard that one before? That is an opinion purely designed to make you feel like there is something totally wrong with you if you don’t. I don’t “put out” so I’ve heard that term applied to yours truly many times over. Each time I squirm when I hear it. Two days ago a friend showed up at my door. Friend to me but he’s on another track altogether. First words out of his mouth, “Why don’t you take me upstairs?” And when he saw the look on my face he went on to add, “YOU ARE COMPLICATED!” This time around I didn’t take it sitting down. “Listen, just because you can’t get what you want does not mean I’m complicated. Besides, I’m not accepting your viewpoint of me!”

He didn’t see that one coming. He gulped like a goldfish out of water and before he could say another word, I showed him the door. The moral of this story is, you alone decide which opinions get to you, which ones you keep and which ones you throw out the door! Life is simpler that way. The power is in your hands and yes at times you have to grow a thick skin.

Inaccurate conclusions arising from what you’ve faced through your journey is another one that will make you question your self-worth and who you are as a person. Those inaccurate conclusions can be changed. It is up to you to change how you feel about yourself but only you can do that. Finding yourself takes work and it is a journey of self-discovery and self-awareness.

According to psychologytoday.com, it is a crucial step because it is the key to living a fulfilling and authentic life. Reflect on your life experiences, both positive and negative ones. What have you learned from them? How have they shaped you? Embrace your strengths, accept your weaknesses and show up in the world as your genuine self.

LEARN TO FLY AGAIN.

Mean People

Why are some people mean? What is it about them that makes them that way? By mean people, I mean those who love to kick you when you’re down, know your weaknesses and take advantage of them, take pleasure from your pain and say and do whatever is necessary to stop you from making your way out of the hole you’re in. Instead of giving you a helping hand, they would rather push you back in and walk away with a click of their heels, a clap of their hands and say, “Job well done!”

“There are some people who always seem angry and continuously look for conflict. Walk away; the battle they are fighting isn’t with you, it is with themselves.” Unknown

Are they born that way or is it something about them that makes them the way they are?

According to http://www.psychology.com, “Being mean is a product of insecure self-esteem. Research shows that being insulted makes people more likely to demean others. Freud argued that people cope with negative views of themselves by perceiving other people as having those same traits.”

At first glance, they seem ordinary enough even to the point of being nice but all that dissipates into thin air as time goes on and the relationship progresses. If it’s a friendship, you will see the mask slipping and whoever is hiding behind that mask steps out and you realize that you’ve made a big mistake. The mean streak within takes aim and nothing you do is ever right. Stomping on you is the name of the game and taking knocks at your self-esteem through harsh words or actions is their way of bringing you down to their level. One minute you can do nothing wrong and the next you’re dealing with an enemy. It’s not you, it’s them.

“The good thing about mean people is that you can walk away from them but they are stuck with themselves. I call that karma.” Unknown

Furthermore, their daily existence is dependent on bringing others down which in turn makes them feel better about themselves. You may sense that there is something wrong if there is constant conflict about the smallest of things. The way you act around others becomes a big issue and so does the way you smile, laugh and anything they can pick on they will. Making a mountain out of a molehill is a constant and when the storm passes, you’ll be left wondering and asking, “What just happened?” Nothing. It’s not you, it’s them.

Being mean is a choice and according to http://www.linkedin.com, “We are ALL human and don’t always get it right-no one is perfect and we all behave at less than our best at times. But for the most part, it is a premeditated and selective CHOICE on how we treat others.”

What triggers the meanness? I don’t think it is one particular thing. It could be envy, jealousy, wanting what they can’t have or a whole host of negative internal contributors. No one knows for sure but if you’ve had the unfortunate experience of coming in contact with one or more of these types of people, you know what I’m talking about. It is unpleasant to say the least and it will leave you questioning your own integrity and wondering if you somehow contributed to the unholy rage happening in front of you. It’s not you, it’s them.

Lao Tzu says, “Respond Intelligently even to Unintelligent Treatment.”

Ignore them, walk away, stop all contact, these are some of your options. Rudeness, screaming and shouting doesn’t help because it gives them the ammunition to fire back and that is precisely what they want, an avenue to get back at you. It is all about being mean so turn your back, shutting the door firmly behind you.

If all that doesn’t work, do this instead.

“Don’t let Negative and Toxic people rent space in your head. Raise the rent and kick them out.” Zig Ziglar

Nicely put Ziggy, the only problem is if you’re like me, I’ll be wondering if they’ve got a new place to go to!!!

Buddha says, “Be kind to unkind people. They need it the most.”

Whatever you choose to do, shut the door and move forward. You’ve got places to go and “nice people” to meet.

The Hard Things

Most of us cringe at the thought of doing the hard things. Be it a break-up, walking away, losing a job and letting go of things that no longer serve us, it is an exceptionally hard thing to do. It is not something we look forward to because it means taking the bull by the horns and waging war on what seems to be an impossible task at first. Given time, patience, perseverance and a hard-headed look at what needs to be done to get to the other side, we find it is doable but not easy.

Easy is not what life is about. If anything, easy is not in its vocabulary. It seems at times that “living” is about going through the hard stuff. Sometimes one and sometimes a string of unsolvable and often times impossible situations but you and I know that it is those hard times and how you deal with it that brings out the strength in you. Sure, it would be easier if we didn’t have to deal with them but when has that stopped life from throwing it our way?

Where would we be without them? Probably having a great time without having to walk through the minefield of the hard stuff all equipped and designed to bring you down to your knees if you make a false move. There is no right or wrong way of going about it, it is trial and error and an undying resilience to take what is handed to you and to make it work for you. We’ve all made those false moves where we’ve crashed and burned and just when you think there is nothing left to do except to pick up the pieces and make the most of it, there is light at the end of the dark tunnel. There is that open door that beckons because as you know when one door closes, another one opens but it is human nature or at least it is mine to look past it and back at the one that has closed and is no longer available.

“Hard things are hard because there are no easy answers or recipes. They are hard because your emotions are at odds with your logic. They are hard because you don’t know the answer and you cannot ask for help without showing weakness.” Ben Horowitz

The hard stuff has kept me captive for longer than I want to admit. Truth is, I don’t do “HARD” well. Holding on is my nemesis, letting go of things that no longer serve me is harder still and moving on, well that is an impossible task at times. I hold on hoping that changes will come my way but it never does. Things happen for a reason, people are the way they are because they are wired that way and looking and hoping is not going to change things. However, whatever life throws your way, there is a lesson in there somewhere but it is hard to see when it first hits you. I think we fail miserably at times because we walk in circles, bang our heads on that closed door and refuse to move on until we are drained of energy and there is nothing else to do but to walk through that open door. Human nature at its best? I think so.

We are fully capable and have the strength within to meet the hard stuff head on and to tame it if necessary. It is the fear of the unknown in sync with the weakness within that works hand-in-hand to stop us in our tracks, makes us tremble where we stand as we whisper, I can’t. You and I have had our baptism by fire in one form or another, of this I am sure. The hard thing is just one more obstacle to overcome, nothing more, nothing less. We tend to make it more than what it is. Life is a never-ending circle of challenges in the form of “hard things” to overcome. It is mixed in with the good stuff but it is the hard stuff that brings forth the real you. Your strength, your power and most of all your ability to slay it where it stands takes courage, growth and an attitude of never giving up which will put the “hard stuff” in its place. Who knows if shown the door more often than not, it might decide to stay away. We can hope can’t we?

“I see your fear, and it’s big. I also see your courage, and it’s bigger. We can do hard things.” Glennon Doyle

Have an amazing day.

Yesterday Matters

Someone said to me that “yesterday” is not important and what took place there is a part of history never to be repeated again. It is done and dusted and holding on to the pain and memories is just a waste of time and rehashing yesterday over and over again is a mental disaster and needs to be stopped.

I do not fully agree with him. I do agree that yesterday and what happened there is a part of history. It happened, whatever it was, but to recover from the trauma of yesterday, if it was bad, needs time, patience and picking over to gather the good things, sift over the not so important aspects and the last part, learning how not to repeat those mistakes again and to move on with life. It also means learning to let go might take time and it is different with every individual. Some people may be able to let go easily and move on and for others, it might take weeks, months or even years to let go of yesterday. There is no specified time limit, take as long as you need. Yesterday is a learning curve and if used wisely, it helps to make your todays and tomorrows better.

However, it is a big deal because we tend to base our future actions based on our past. Yesterday also helps to define you as a person and in order to create something new, you almost always rely on elements of the past to show and shape what you choose to do or stay away from to create that new reality.

I rely on yesterday to show me the path forward. A conundrum? Actually, I feel and know that yesterday matters. It helps to give voice to my experiences, memories and most importantly the lessons learned. It not only helps to influence who I am as a person today but it most definitely helps to guide my decisions for tomorrow. Yesterday wasn’t always good to me as it is for most of us, there was the good, the bad and the ugly and there are parts that I would definitely want to keep under lock and key and make sure it never sees the light of day again. However, all of it is needed to shape my future and to learn how not to repeat the same mistakes over and over again.

I am stronger today because of yesterday. There is a clearer picture of who I am, what I want out of life, who I want to be with and perhaps the most important lesson I have learned from yesterday is what I will stand for and what I won’t. I’ve garnered that strength and knowing from dabbling in my past and from salvaging the good bits. Yesterday is important, it teaches if you’re willing to listen and learn and it matters for a better tomorrow. However, as with everything else in life, give it the balance it deserves but don’t hang on to it as your life line or as if “yesterday” is the only thing that matters.

David Brier explains it this way.

Yesterday is an idea that too many use as a crutch.

Or worse, as an excuse.

Yesterday isn’t here. You can look in the mirror. You won’t see it.

You can grab yesterday and put it on a scale, and you’ll find it weighs nothing.

You grab an empty box, fill it with yesterday and give it to a friend and you’ll find when they open it, it’s empty.

Because yesterday is simply an idea.

Some even use yesterday as “the reason they are XYZ” today.

Yesterday isn’t that powerful that it determines who or what you are today.

YOU have that power.

Unless you give the reigns to an idea. An idea like yesterday matters.

I agree that it is an idea but it is so much more than that isn’t it? It gives shape to your life if used wisely and as a teacher it teaches how to better navigate your life and to make more informed decisions about the future. Therefore, yesterday matters and it is more than an idea in that sense.

The Reason

Life has a tendency to throw curveballs when you least expect it. Just when you think all is going well, there you are asking why did it happen? It could be a break-up, the passing of a loved one or simply because something didn’t go the way you thought it would. Then the question WHY arises as it always does in moments such as these and we scramble to look for the answers.

“Always remember that everything happens for a reason. It might not make sense now but at the right time it will.” Unknown

Does it matter as to the reason why? Some may say, of course it does. I NEED a reason why. Others may say, it happened. I am going to learn from my mistakes, accept it for what it is and move on from here. I am going to take the lessons I have learned and put it to good use in the future. Moving on is a hard thing to do and not knowing makes it harder still.

“Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.” Unknown

I am learning that the reasons why don’t matter. It is what comes out of it that does. I lost someone close to me about two years ago. He was my best friend. I kept asking the question why after it happened? Why did he have to leave so soon? I wanted and needed to know the reasons why. It was as if my existence depended on the answers coming back to me. There were no answers forthcoming. Just an absolute and eerie silence. The reality was I could no longer run to him in my time of need, hear his soothing voice try to walk me out of the rabbit hole I was in and I just missed having him there to share my daily existence with him. The truth was, I had to deal with things on my own. I felt fear without my safety net there. It was sink or swim time. I felt the net being pulled away and as I was careening back down to earth, I learned that nothing lasts forever. I also learned as I kicked and screamed all the way down that I am enough as I am. I am fully capable of dealing with what life throws my way and I am learning to step out of my comfort zone albeit slowly and moving with little steps forward.

“I believe everything happens for a reason. People change so you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they’re right. You believe lies so that you will eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes, good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” Marilyn Monroe

Sometimes the reason why is not ours to know but what you do with what is handed to you, good or bad, is. I think all of us are fully equipped or rather we are fully programmed to deal with whatever life throws our way. The way ahead maybe strewn with rocks as big as boulders so passing throw them might seem like an impossible task at first but if you have the courage to push through, you will find your way to the other side and the truth is most times you’ll have to do it without asking why?

“Someday, everything will make perfect sense. So for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, be strong & keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason.” John Mayer