I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later. I don’t have to go to school or work. I get an allowance every month. I have my own pad. I don’t have a curfew. I have a driver’s license and my own car. The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant and I don’t have acne. Life is great. I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.
Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.
I didn’t make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row. I decided to stop calling the bathroom “John” and renamed it the “Jim”. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
Old age is coming at a really bad time.
When I was a child I thought “nap time” was a punishment. Now it feels like a small vacation.
The biggest lie I tell myself is… ” I don’t have to write that down, I’ll remember it”.
I don’t have gray hair… I have “wisdom highlights”! I’m just very wise.
If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would’ve put them on my knees.
Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven’t met yet.
Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just going to transfer me to someone I can’t understand anyway?
Of course, I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.
At my age “Getting Lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what I came In there for.
I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I can’t remember their names.
Now, I’m wondering… did I send this to you, or did you send it to me?
I’ve been up early, not because I wanted to but because the “little brat” decided that every day is a wake up early day! Today, I wanted to sleep a little later but Chachi, the cat, wasn’t having it. He was in his element and READY TO GO!
It’s 9 in the morning and I’ve been up for several hours now and feeling like my day is halfway done! The rain hasn’t let up and more of the same is in the forecast for later in the day. Just when I think I’ve had enough of rain for quite a while, in comes another forecast. It seems the “Polar Luft” is moving in. Literally translated, it means “Polar air,” or rather it is going to get cold as hell! Lord, have mercy. The golden days of fall are nowhere to be seen and we’re heading straight into winter. Anyway, snow is in the forecast for Wednesday next week and I am ready. I have turned off the water to the garden so that the pipes don’t freeze and I have plenty of salt in case the sidewalk freezes over and needs thawing out. Nothing much to look forward to.
Chachi is in his window seat and watching the rain come down. His complaint, “Mom, the TV hasn’t been working right for days! You need to fix it!” Right, the Little Munchkin has plenty to say and he’s bored out of his mind. I’m pretending to listen but not really. I’ve got other things going on in my head. I need to clear my mind so I’m opting for an hour long meditation today. It should do me a world of good if I get through it but since my mind is jumping up and down like a “monkey” I don’t see that happening. Half an hour maybe.
Lots of workouts are planned for today and I might take a break from cooking. I’ve been eyeing the takeout menu and Chicken Nilgari from the local delivery place sounds good. I PLAN to have a good day and let’s see if it works out that way.
In a trial, a US Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman, to the stand. He approached her and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know me?’ She responded, ‘Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you’ll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.”
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?’
She again replied, ‘Why yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention, he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.”
The defense attorney nearly died.
The judge asked both counsellors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said,
“If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I’ll send you both to jail.
“Patience is a virtue” a short phrase that means “waiting calmly is a good trait.” This was coined way back when waiting for anything to happen was normal and waiting patiently was considered a virtue rather than a hair pulling experience. Well, at least the English poet, William Langland, who came up with this phrase in 1360 thought so.
These days, patience is a learned virtue. At times it takes super-human strength to say, it is ok, I’ll wait a little while longer. The extreme could be waiting for something that never happens but promised it will. There are people in this world who think that showing up late is fashionable. I know someone or have known several people who showed up 30 minutes late for an appointment without so much as calling to say they are running late. This not showing up on time is stamped into their DNA so there is nothing you can do about it except show PATIENCE even if you have to grit your teeth and bear it. Needless to say, these people don’t have a permanent place in my life. They honed my patience level to the negative and it was time for them to go!
“The two most powerful warriors are patience and time.” Leo Tolstoy
Both come into play when dealing with people who show disrespect for your time and your patience level. It’s not that they don’t know what they are doing, they DO KNOW and that is the truth of the matter. Would they like it if you showed up late or worse still did not show up at all? What would happen if the shoe was on the other foot? I guarantee you they wouldn’t tolerate it for one minute.
“Patience is the calm acceptance that things can happen in a different order than the one you have in mind.” David G. Allan
Fine and good. However, these days my patience level is not where it used to be. Gone are the days of accepting it as a slight faux pas. These days, if it happens more than once, I am ready to close the door and move on. Patience is not my strong suit but than again why pull your hair out when in the end you’re the one who ends up with a bald spot and not the person who takes the laid back attitude to life. Believe me, patience is not all it has been cut out to be. Virtue or not, in the end your well-being matters, you matter and your principles matter. You don’t have to put up with it. That said, here are some quotes to lighten the topic.
“My doctor is concerned about my high blood pressure. I told him, well next time don’t leave me sitting in the waiting room for two hours.” Unknown
“My doctor told me to start killing people. Well not in those exact words. He said I had to reduce stress in my life, which is pretty much the same thing.” Unknown
“The fact that my entire body cracks like a glowstick whenever I move and yet refuses to actually glow is very disappointing.” Unknown
“My goal this weekend is to move only enough so people know I’m not dead.” Unknown
Tried this last weekend and it was pretty relaxing I must say.
“I MAY LOOK CALM —but in my mind I’ve already killed you twice.” Unknown
“Tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up.” Ann Bradford
I did but it doesn’t work.
This one I like a lot. It made me laugh which is a good thing.
“I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow doesn’t look good either.”
If you’re the type of person who plays havoc with other people’s patience, STOP! Treat others as you would like to be treated and that should do the trick but if it doesn’t and you’re a hardcore and professional patience tester, I hope you get what you deserve.
A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store.
The parrot said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.”
Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work.
On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.”
She was incredibly ticked now. The next day the same parrot again said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.”
The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird.
The store manager replied, “That’s not good,” and promised he wouldn’t say it again.
When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her, “Hey lady.”
She paused and said, “Yes?”
The bird said, “You know.”
🤣🤣🤣
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, “I would like to buy some cyanide.”
The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”
The lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband.”
The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he exclaimed, “Lord have mercy! I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband! That’s against the law! I’ll lose my license! They’ll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!”
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, “Well now. That’s different. You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”
It’s a harbinger of things to come. Looking out the window this morning, I realized that fall or rather the golden days of fall have flown by and in its place we have winter moving in leaps and bounds! The fields are shrouded in fog giving them an air of mystery as they cloak and uncloak in shadows only to reveal themselves in the not so distant future wearing their winter garb that lacks color but still beautiful to behold.
There is a certain something about the changing of seasons. It takes place in an hush hush atmosphere but it is so regimented that it never fails to show up, just a matter of time before a new one walks in taking its rightful place. However, I’m a little sad that the colors of fall were wiped away by the wind, rain and storms. I see one lone tree blazing red in the neighbor’s garden and how it escaped the gale force winds is beyond me but it is a beautiful sight nonetheless.
I’ve got a gardener coming by later today to help bag up the leaves that are lying carpet thick on the ground. The garden looks a mess. The rest of the apples are lying on the ground but it was a bumper crop this year, enough to give away to friends and neighbors. The fig tree was late to the party as usual. The leaves have turned brown but there are still unripe figs on the tree which will have to be thrown away. However, the ripe figs I got off the tree were sweet and juicy but I wish that it will show up earlier next year before the cold makes a showing. The water to the garden has been turned off and once the leaves are raked up, I am all set for winter!
The weather is not cooperating so no walk in nature today. I’ll have to bite the bullet and stay indoors and do something productive. I still have the closets to rearrange, summer stuff to be taken upstairs and stored away and winter stuff brought down. It is a tedious task but needs to be done.
Chachi will have a field day with that. He thinks it is playtime! I’m making Miso soup with tofu, veggies and Kim Chi added in for an extra dose of healthy eating! Seems like the perfect thing for today’s weather. Throw in a workout or two and I’ve got my day planned.
It is there, it is invisible and it stays dormant until it is called upon to show you and the world that YOU are strong, you are undefeatable and you are a force to be reckoned with. Not all of us are that strong and when life throws those lessons our way, we crumble, we push back but after all is said and done and looking back at the past you realize that “strength” was always there, it just took a little time getting there.
Here are some quotes that speak to the heart of the matter.
“Sometimes the strength within you is not a big fiery flame for all to see, it is just a tiny spark that whispers softly, ‘You got this, keep going.” Unknown
“Courage is not having the strength to go on, it is going on when you don’t have the strength.” Theodore Roosevelt
“One day you will tell your story of how you overcame what you went through and it will be someone else’s survival guide.” Brene Brown
“Life doesn’t get easier or more forgiving, we get stronger and more resilient.” Steve Maraboli
I love this next one. It shows that the spirit is not easily won over.
“I wear my bruises and scars like armor. Marks of battles fought in silence and storms endured out loud.
My pain? It’s the fire that forges resilience, a testament to the strength that refuses to break. I’m still here, unyielding and undefeated.” Unknown
“You have within you, right now, everything you need to deal with whatever the world can throw at you.” Brian Tracy
“The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places.” Ernest Hemingway
The last two speaks of understanding and of acceptance and still having the courage and the strength to move on.
“Someone I once loved gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this, too, was a gift.” Mary Oliver
AND
“Nothing can dim the light which shines from within.” Maya Angelou
It’s Sunday and it is raining out there. The sky is gray and the wind is blowing. The storm is refusing to take a hike and it is driving me up the wall! I came up with a great idea to pep up my mood and these hilarious quotes helped to do just that. Hope you enjoy them as much as I did.
“My advice to you is get married. If you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.” Socrates
Yup, there are many philosophers out there.
“Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.” Rod Stewart
Hmm…..okay never mind!
“A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.” Dave Barry
I met several of those when my son was young and I had no book to go by.
“When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.” Rodney Dangerfield.
“The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they’re okay, then it’s you!” Rita Mae Brown
“The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies, probably because they are generally the same people.” G. K Chesterton
“If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.” George Carlin
“Sometimes you lie in bed at night and you don’t have a single thing to worry about. That always worries me!” Charlie Brown
ME TOO!
“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no use being a damn fool about it.” W. C. Fields
“When in doubt, look intelligent.” Garrison Keillor
Two old guys are pushing their carts around Walmart when they collide:
The first old guy says to the second guy, “Sorry about that. I’m looking for my wife and I guess I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.”
The second old guy says, “That’s OK. It’s a coincidence. I’m looking for my wife, too. I can’t find her and I’m getting a little desperate.”
The first says, “Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?”
The second old guy says, “Well, she is 27 years old, tall with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, big busted and is wearing short shorts. What does your wife look like?”
The first old guy says, “Doesn’t matter, let’s look for yours.”
What can I say? Well, there is plenty I can say but I’m going to keep my mouth shut!
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