mindset – Page 7 – Site Title

When Silence Speaks

Sometimes we think that silence is just that, a certain quietness where nothing happens. It is a void that is soothing but nothing much comes out of it. I beg to differ. I have found that if you listen carefully, “silence” has much to say.

“It’s been said that actions speak louder than words, sometimes, it’s what you don’t say or do, that sends the loudest message.” Carlos Wallace

Quite often when something doesn’t go our way and we are hurt by another’s actions or words, the first reaction is to let it rip. Let it all out and show them how you feel and during those moments, words are aplenty and so are emotions. However, when all is said and done and you are wrung dry, more often than not you realize that you didn’t achieve anything through those outbursts of the unsavory kind.

“Once you’ve matured, you realize silence is more powerful than proving a point.” Unknown

Maturity doesn’t show up wearing bells and it does not say, “Here I am, take me and use me.” It shows up when you least expect it and when you’ve gone though the growing up process. The one that takes you on the ups and downs, the one where you find yourself down on your knees and the one that shows you there is a better way of doing things without going ballistic. It is the quiet gentle knowledge of knowing that you deserve better and you will move on with grace. No shouting or being loud needed.

“And suddenly I stopped explaining, stopped fixing, and just moved on. I learned that silence speaks louder than words. No response is a response. Now, I don’t chase. I don’t care and I let people feel the weight of their own choices.” Unknown

Easier said than done? I know because I’ve been there. Things are hard and life is harder still but learning to navigate choppy waters is a must if you want life to let up on you. If something doesn’t go your way, take it in stride. If someone doesn’t choose you, let him or her go. If life isn’t going like it’s supposed to, stop, take note, and then move on knowing that whatever it is that life throws your way, you are fully capable of handling it. Let silence be your guide and your best friend. There is much to be learned during your bout with silence if you’ll only listen.

“Silence is not empty, it is the loudest answer.” Unknown

Not only that, it gives you the ability to get your message across WITHOUT SAYING A WORD!

Try it the next time you want to let someone have what is coming to them or you are chomping at the bit to say your piece. Stop and move in silence.

Have an amazing day.

LOL!

Photo by Antonio Friedemann on Pexels.com

One day, God and Adam were walking in the Garden of Eden. God told Adam that it was time to populate the Earth.

“Adam, you can start by kissing Eve.”

“Lord, what is a kiss?” asked Adam.

God explained, and then Adam took Eve behind the bush and kissed her.

A little while later, Adam returned with a big smile and said, “Lord! That was great! What’s next?”

“Adam, I now want you to caress Eve.”

“Lord, what is caress?” asked Adam.

God explained, then Adam took Eve behind the bush and caressed her.

A little while later, Adam returned with a big smile and said, “Lord that was even better than a kiss! What’s next?”

“Here is what gets the deed done. I now want you to make love to Eve.”

“Lord, what is make love?” asked Adam.

God explained, then Adam took Eve behind the bush.

A few seconds later, Adam returned and asked, “Lord, what is a headache?”

Good to know that “headaches” existed way back then when they were just getting started! 🤣🤣🤣

Stop Shrinking!

Did someone say something that rubbed you the wrong way? Did it make you feel less than you are? Did a bad relationship make you feel unworthy and not enough? Did it help to shrink you even further? Does the environment you live in make you feel that you don’t belong? A job where you don’t fit in? Cruel remarks that make you feel smaller than you are?

“Stop acting so small. You are the universe in ecstatic motion.” Rumi

However, it happens in this day-to-day existence of ours. It has been said that it’s a cruel world out there and more often than not, it is. It doesn’t always build you up, it doesn’t make you feel worthy and “lacking” is the word that comes to mind. How do you walk tall in a world that doesn’t always care about your feelings, your mental health and more importantly the “YOU” as a person? The answer lies within. If you’re looking for validation from the outside world, you’re looking in the wrong place.

“Learn to love YOURSELF -first- instead of loving the idea OF OTHER PEOPLE loving you.” Unknown

If you only feel worthy when someone gives you a compliment, you are going about it the wrong way. If you are waiting for that special someone to validate love for you, it’s time to take a good hard look at your perception of love and what it means. If a two-timing no good individual can pull the rug from under your feet and leave you feeling like you don’t matter, it’s time to find that strength within, and to LOVE YOURSELF FIRST! Once you do, none of the above will matter. You become stronger, you learn what is important to you and you build yourself up from the inside out which is important. It is your source of comfort and strength but more than that, you won’t be looking for validation from the outside world. It is an inside job and you will start attracting the right kind of people as well.

“You are not enough!” “You are lacking!” “You can’t measure up to what life is asking of you because you don’t have it in you!” Is that your inner critic talking or rather berating you? Yes, it can be loud and it can be destructive if you let it take over. Each time you hear that negative voice within you getting loud, listen but don’t take it to heart and if it gets too destructive, send it packing! Here’s the truth. YOU ARE ENOUGH AS YOU ARE and YOU ARE FULLY CAPABLE OF ACHIEVING ANYTHING YOU SET YOUR MIND TO.

“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line.” Lucille Ball

When was the last time you paid attention to the person you carry around with you? I know I lost track of that person when the two cats moved in and my world was turned upside down. Paying attention to the person who mattered took a back seat and the inner critic had full run so much so that I became smaller than I am and doubts started creeping in. I’m not enough was the message, loud and clear. I listened and ran with it.

“Love yourself first, because that’s who you’ll be spending the rest of your life with.” Unknown

Be kind to yourself, speak to yourself like you would to someone you love, show yourself some self-care, take time out for yourself, pamper yourself, and stop to smell the roses. Once you do that, you will find that the people who bring you down, the ones who’ve hurt you, and the ones who take you for granted will disappear because others will come in to take their place. You attract what you reflect and better will walk in and want to stay. Your new reality will take some getting used to and letting go of those that no longer matter will sometimes be hard. However, one thing’s for sure, “shrinking” will become a thing of the past. It all starts with loving yourself first.

Until then,

“Love yourself so much that when someone treats you wrong, you recognize it.” Rena Rose

AND do something about it!

Have an amazing day.

Becoming Your Best Self

I don’t think I am obsessed with becoming my best self but I would like to get halfway there at least. Learning to achieve that goal is not easy because it takes practice and a driven mindset to get there. I am still learning and keeping at it and who knows one day I might say, I did it!

Becoming your best self is not an overnight process and neither does it happen by pressing a button. It doesn’t happen accidentally, it doesn’t happen by chance and it doesn’t happen by waving a magic wand either. It takes action on your part and a commitment to self-discovery and self-development.

“To be your best self you’ll need to first discover who you really are, then maximize your strengths and improve on your weaknesses. You need to completely shift your mindset and take control of your life. When you do, you’ll discover a whole new you.” http://www.tonyrobbins.com

This journey is a hard one. You’ll encounter the good and bad moments, some will be messy and progress will be slow but if you persist and set goals you can achieve anything. Becoming your best self means opening yourself up to challenges, accepting the setbacks and living life to the fullest.

“Prioritize who you are, who you want to be, and don’t spend time with anything that antagonizes your character.” Matthew McConaughey

According to notesbythalia.com, you need to practice wellness daily because it goes hand-in-hand with working towards your best self.

Get at least 7 hours of sleep daily. Move your body as much as you can. Eat well. Build healthy habits. Dedicate time to self-care.

You can’t lay in bed and manifest your dreams. It takes action to succeed. Ask yourself, what is success to you? Set value-driven goals and become “razor-clear on what your future vision looks like.” Align your daily habits with who you want to be and the life you want to live. “Boost your overall health, well-being and productivity,” meaning even your smallest daily actions will determine your future self.

“When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.” Paulo Coelho

In a nutshell, becoming your best self requires going within to discover the greatness there. It requires strength to bring it to the fore AND it requires courage and hard work to make it shine.

“You are what you believe yourself to be.” Paulo Coelho

Change that mindset from one of negativity to positivity and watch your life take off!

But before you do that:

“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, INCLUDING YOU.” Anne Lamont

Then go out and:

BE YOUR VERY BEST SELF!

Have an amazing day.

The Search for Happiness

A man asked Gautama Buddha, “I want happiness.”

Buddha said, First remove, “I” that’s EGO, then remove , “WANT,” that’s DESIRE. See now you are left with only, “HAPPINESS.”

Is it really that simple to find happiness? Okay, I can give this method a try BUT I find that when I remove “EGO” and “WANT,” there is something else glaring me in the face! It is, “WHAT NOW?!!!”

According to Buddhist wisdom, there are 5 steps to happiness. They are:

SMILE MORE

WORRY LESS

BE PRESENT

GIVE MORE

EXPECT LESS

I believe in the smiling more part. No problems there. Worrying less is almost a no go with me. Being present, I am working on. Giving more…..it is a work in progress and expecting less always gets me in trouble. Basically, I’m not quite there yet. Finding that happiness path that is.

What else?

“A disciplined mind brings happiness.”

Oh Gawd! This is even worse. Tell that “monkey” I call my mind to take orders and you’ll see what I mean! Marching on to the next happiness mantra.

“Happiness does not depend on what you have or who you are….

It solely relies on what you think.”

WHAT?!!! I give up!

No more searching for happiness wisdom today. I’ll do it my way. The sun is shining and I’m going to slip into my flip-flops, go to the garden and let the sun warm my face. I’ll listen to the birdsong to calm my mind and let happiness seep in. Sorry Buddha but maybe next time around.

There will be no more thinking, no more telling my mind to do something it doesn’t want to do and I’ll just let the day go as it wants to. How’s that for a happiness mantra?

Have an amazing day.

The Garden

Sitting outside in the garden is just as nice as taking a walk out in nature. Today, it is exceptionally wonderful because the sun is out, there is a cool breeze blowing and a cloudless blue sky adds to the pretty picture. I’ve got my second cup of coffee on the table, a notepad and pen just in case I get some bright ideas. I love jotting them down before it flies out of my head never to be seen again.

All is quiet where “the three” are concerned. I’m talking about Larry, Curly, and Moe! Just kidding. I’m talking about the three cats, Chachi, Galli, and Shiro. They’ve had their food, have been cleaned and brushed and are taking their midday naps. It is peaceful for a change.

The garden is looking fantastic in all its spring glory. The cherry tree has lots of blooms, the fig tree is greening, the Magnolias have done blooming and the petals are now lying like a carpet of pink and white on the grass. It means work clearing them up but each year they put on a show and the neighbors appreciate their beauty as well. My neighbor told me last week that she loves standing at her kitchen window with coffee cup in hand and looking at that tree. According to her, it brings or rather puts a smile on her face. I can understand that because nature has a way of doing that if you just stop and stare for a while.

The Camelia bush is in full bloom dripping with white blossoms. It’s interesting how this plant stays green all winter and when spring creeps around, the blossoms arrive. They are gorgeous. The tulips are in full bloom as well in a myriad variety of colors. The apple tree is greening and it will just be a matter of time before it starts blooming as well. Last year, it was a bumper crop. Maybe, this year it will take time out. Two years ago, I planted some ground crawlers as they are called here and each year they take my breath away. This year is no different. When they bloom, the ground is nowhere to be seen. It is covered in shades of pinks, purples, and whites. It’s the same this year and it is beautiful. The roses are budding as well and when they do arrive in different shades, the garden will be filled with the scent of vanilla and something sweet. Another thing to look forward to.

The insects are not out in full force yet but they will show up sooner or later. For now, I am enjoying the quiet, the peace, the sounds of nature all around me and I can stay here forever but it’s time to go see what the little rascals are up to.

Have an amazing day.

Letting Go of Control

Most of us are “control freaks” when it comes to controlling outcomes. I know I am. We want to take whatever comes our way, things of the unsavory nature and we want to change it or we spend time, sometimes lots of it, mulling over what we cannot control and instead of letting go or accepting it as a lost cause, we try to control the narrative.

“To find calm, let go of the need to control every outcome.” Unknown

I had a tough day yesterday and “calm” had flown the coop and was nowhere to be seen. I kept playing scenarios over and over again and no matter how many times I kept playing it over, the outcome was the same. It was done and dusted and there was nothing I could do about it but to let it go. The only thing I could do was to control my feelings and how I viewed the situation. The other thing that was staring me in the face was that I had no control over the events of the day, only in how I dealt with it. It was time to let it go and I did.

“When you release expectations, you are free to enjoy things for what they are instead of what you think they should be.” Mandy Hale

I spent most of yesterday getting angry, agitated, frustrated, and whatever else you could throw into the pot, I was ready to take it all and to run with it! Human nature is such that we love to entertain problems. Truth is, problems do show up when we least expect them and they throw us for a loop when we come face to face with them. More often than not, anger and frustration accompany problems. Not knowing how to deal with them is why they appear in succession. In my case, it is the opportunity to fall off from the path of self-discovery I was on and to VENT for all its worth! Ok, it’s alright for awhile but I see the toll it takes on my psyche and even then, I refuse to stop, hell-bent on wrecking havoc as I go along on my path of self-righteousness! The good part is, I’ve learned when to put a stop to it. It took me most of the day but when evening rolled around, I was ready to come to my senses and to look at it with a clear head.

“One of the most rewarding and important moments in life is the moment you finally find the courage to let go of what you can’t change.” marcandangel

Learning to let go of control is not easy because letting go of whatever it is means that you no longer have control over the situation. However, sometimes that is a good thing. You need to step back, view it from a distance and come up with solutions to break down the problem and to make it solvable. Yes, it takes time and it takes focus but it is better than going off the deep end as I did yesterday.

“Real strength isn’t control. It’s knowing when to let go.” Christopher Barzak

Have an amazing day.

The Three!

I woke up to Chachi, the cat, having dry heaves! It doesn’t happen often but it did seem that way this morning because Shiro, the Persian cat, had a problem yesterday. She threw up and had a slight case of the runs. Galli, the British long-haired cat, was alright and keeping a watchful eye on everything.

I spent most of yesterday doing the wash, cleaning up behind them, and taking care of Shiro who seemed to be out of sorts and spent the day sleeping and looking poorly. Stressful? Absolutely.

This morning, Chachi decided to get in the act and had me up at 5 a.m. and after cleaning up, I noticed that he had been eating too much of the dry food so I removed it and decided that I must be doing something wrong as far as these three are concerned. Just as I suspected, the other two were waiting outside the door looking at me like I was manna from heaven or rather, it is where their manna comes from!

ME: “Cool it guys! I have some cleaning to do before I can get to you two.”

SHIRO: “How come Chachi gets to stay with you all night and we have to be outside. It is totally unfair!”

GALLI: “I’m not saying anything but she has a point there.”

I wasn’t in the mood for small talk! I ignored them and got what I needed to clean the mess up. Then I removed the dry food and gave him just wet food until his stomach settles down. Not too happy with the situation, I took a deep breath, piled my hair on my head, and decided to go get my cup of coffee. Just then I noticed that the litter boxes needed to be cleaned up! The day was taking off and leaving me behind. Okay, it was something that needed to be done so I did it. I disinfected it and added some deo to it. As I was heading downstairs, I noticed that Shiro had jumped into the litter box and was lying in it! The girl has a problem. She looked up at me with googly eyes like she was thoroughly enjoying it.

ME: “What’s the matter with you?”

SHIRO: “It smells so good here! I can sleep in it.”

GALLI: “She never used to do that when we were with daddy.”

SHIRO: “That’s because daddy never kept it this clean!”

CHACHI: “Mom, what are they up to?”

SHIRO: “Would it help if we called you mom?”

ME: “Nope!”

GALLI: “I know what your problem is. You need to let your hair down. Piling it on your head like you do is not a good look for you. If you want the guys to come calling, wear it down.”

CHACHI: “Thank you Galli. I keep telling her the same thing but she never listens. We should talk about the creeps who come calling! I can go on and on.”

ME: “Enough! Don’t worry about me. Stop throwing up, having the runs, and expecting to be fed all the time. You’ve had breakfast and now you’ll have to wait for several hours before you get more food. Is that understood?”

GALLI: “Bummer! I was enjoying the all you can eat buffet! Anyway, that attitude doesn’t suit you as well. Try being nicer, things might just change for the better.”

Ignoring the three, I headed for the kitchen. I NEEDED my coffee real bad. Shiro and Galli followed.

SHIRO: “We need to talk.”

Galli looking wise with his orange eyes took a seat on the stairs.

ME: “Guys, we are not talking. It is way too early and I don’t want to hear it!”

Them in unison.

“We want to go back to daddy! This is no fun and that little guy up there hasn’t been brought up too well. He growls and hisses all the time and you never say anything. Instead, you kiss him all the time and keep mommy’s boy protected from us. This is a no go!”

“Okay, we will have a pow wow later and I promise we will come to a solution. I need my coffee now.”

SHIRO: “What about Easter?”

ME: “What about it?!!”

GALLI: “Give us some special food and if you do, I will grant you a wish. One that brings the right guy into your life. You will be very happy, I promise.”

ME: “What are you?!! A fairy or rather a genie in disguise?”

GALLI: “I am more than meets the eye.”

ME: “Oh Lord, have mercy. Chachi thinks he knows everything and now, I have a budding lord only knows what on my hands!”

Coffee made, I headed back upstairs. Walking into the bedroom Chachi pipes up.

What was that about?

ME: “Don’t worry about it. Come give mommy a kiss.”

THEM: “We rest our case!”

Have an amazing day.

Compliments

It has been said that, “compliments are a dime a dozen.” It just means that, “flattery or positive remarks are very common, easily obtained, and therefore hold little special value or sincerity. It also implies that “such praise is unremarkable, abundant, and often dismissable because it is not unique or deeply earned.”

However, some compliments have the power to lift you up, make you feel worthy, and at times more than enough. They are also, “powerful, uplifting words that validate and encourage, often serving as small, heartfelt gifts of kindness.”

My day started out on a rushed note. I was running around like a chicken with its head cut off and I didn’t see it slowing down either! Yesterday, had been a stressful day as well. My ex showed up as he sometimes does. However, this time around he had a big attitude on his shoulders and looking to discard it on someone as quickly as possible. I came into view and was fair game, I suppose. Our meeting didn’t go well and he left after a short time leaving me to feel like I was not enough and somehow sorely lacking. In what? I don’t know, he just makes me feel that way. Needless to say, I was feeling down and I knew it was going to take an uphill battle to get myself back up there again.

Anyway, I woke up to chaos this morning. The three rascals were up early. Moe, Larry and Curly! Just kidding. They were begging for attention and I was ready to escape the mayhem! So, I took off after breakfast to have some time to myself. The sun was shining and it was going to be a beautiful day. I got my shopping done and decided to stop for coffee at my favorite cafe. A great cup of Italian coffee and a bread roll was just the thing to pep things up. Things were starting to look up. Then I headed to the bakery and got two pieces of cheesecake. Yes, THINGS were definitely up and up! It was going to be my treat for later with a nice cup of coffee. The fish store across the street beckoned and I headed there next. They know me well because I’m one of their best customers. I love fish and they have a fresh supply everyday.

The boss wasn’t there but his assistant was. He asked how I was doing and I answered in the affirmative. Just as I was getting ready to pay he said,

“You have beautiful eyes!”

I was not expecting that. I had a bad night so my eyes were definitely reflecting that I thought. Probably, bloodshot as well! He saw the surprise on my face and repeated,

“You do have lovely eyes. They shine!”

Okay guys, those days of “sparkling eyes” are over I thought so this compliment definitely took me by surprise but it landed where it should! My day was definitely starting to look up and in a very nice way, I might add.

I paid, thanked him and left with a smile on my face.

“Sometimes just one little compliment can make someone’s entire day.”

I took my usual walk when I came back home and the sunshine felt just a tad different. It touched my face like a warm caress and the feelings of not being enough the evening before had all but vanished. There are many kinds of compliments, flippant ones with not much thought put into them, ones that put a smile on your face, compliments that make your day and that guy didn’t know it but he had just helped to bring me back up!

“Build someone up. Put their insecurities to sleep. Remind them they’re worthy. Tell them they’re magical. Be light in a too often dim world.” Unknown

If you have a chance today, give out some compliments. You never know how it is going to land and just maybe, it has the power to lighten someone else’s load. A phrase meant to praise can sometimes be a powerful tool. I have to keep that in mind as well.

“YOU are amazing and strong and brave and wonderful-remember THAT today.”

Have an amazing day.

Let It Be

Let It Be. How many times have we heard this phrase? I don’t know about you but I’ve heard it often enough mostly from well-meaning friends, people who care and those who want better for me.

Did it sink in? NOT when I was in the midst of what I call my “end of the world” meltdowns. During these times, “let it be” was the last thing on my mind. However, when you look at these three words, it does hold power behind its seemingly gentle facade. The strength lies in its ability to slow things down, to step back and to take a good hard look at the situation and to say, there is nothing left for me to do so breathe and LET IT BE. Three unassuming words but a powerhouse when it comes to comfort, acceptance and a message of hope.

I want revenge! I want my old friend “karma” to step in and do what I can’t do! I want payback! Unfortunately, revenge is a dangerous option and karma, well it takes its time and that is the problem. Payback? It doesn’t happen automatically. So what do you do while you wait for whatever it is that you’re waiting for to take place? Breathe quietly and LET IT BE.

There is comfort in knowing that you don’t have to do anything. Wipe away the tears, tone down the rhetoric and just LET IT BE.

Acceptance, well this is much more difficult. Accepting means you are ready to let go of an event or situation that has caused so much turmoil. How do you calm this beast down? Breathe deeply and LET IT BE.

Hope is a four letter word that holds power within its unassuming persona. When you zoom into this optimistic state of mind, all things are possible is the message. Armed with comfort, acceptance and hope, I’m going to breathe and LET IT BE, if only for today. Tomorrow is another story!

Today’s mantra will be?

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be.

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

The Beatles