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A Bounty of Abundance

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It’s Saturday and I’ve decided to keep moving taking my cue from the proverb, “an idle mind is the devil’s playground.” I told myself to keep moving and not to let overthinking have its way. All good right? Let’s see how far I make it before my old friend, my mind, takes over and smashes it to pieces!

Morning started early. I got up at 7 a.m. and all was well. Chachi, the cat, was purring softly next to me and the world was just waking up. The birds were chirping and the pigeons were cooing for all they are worth! A little irritating but still a pleasant enough sound. The sun seemed to be peeking out after days of absence and I wondered if a walk in nature might be a good idea but nixed it because I don’t like walking on Saturdays. Too many people out and the constant exchange of pleasantries tend to be draining.

My idea for today is to clean house from top to bottom. It should keep me occupied for most of the day since I haven’t done thorough cleaning in quite a while. The dust bunnies are laughing their heads off but not for long! I’m getting the Dyson vac out and it should do a great job of getting everything nice and clean. Chachi, the cat, sans apron and Swiffer in hand, is more than ready to pitch in and give me some help. However, he thinks it is playtime more than anything else. First thing, strip the bed. Then the pillowcases and Chachi’s blankets. The little helper was more than happy. He ran across the bed as if it was some kind of a raucous game. It took about 20 minutes simply because the little rascal was getting in the way and enjoying himself in the process. I got the wash going and decided to head out to the garden to see what’s happening there. It has been days since I’ve been in the garden and I didn’t expect much except an onslaught of weeds!

The surprise was on me. The apple tree was bogged down with plenty of apples! This one lone apple tree in the garden has a mind of its own. Last year, there were no apples to speak off. This year, it is overflowing and the apples though small are crisp and sweet. They are just turning slightly red so probably a week or so and they should be ready to come off the tree and to be given away to the neighbors. I can’t eat them all. The lone cherry tomato plant has some ripe tomatoes on it. Last year, I planted one tomato plant and got a monster harvest so I went with one cherry tomato plant this year hoping that it will be just enough for salads and stir-fries. Looks like it is working. Next to it, the chili plant is doing well. It has four green chilies and the card on it reads, “Hot Chilies.” Keeping fingers crossed that they are. Rounding the corner, I see that the cherry tree is done for this year. I got three cherries although it had an abundance of flowers this year. Where did the cherries go? Your guess is as good as mine. Perhaps, next year. The fig tree standing next to it is trying to overdo everything else in the garden. It is lusciously green and full of figs! Last year, the figs took a long time getting ripe and I had to discard most of them because the weather had turned and they couldn’t finish their ripening process. This year, it looks like they are going to make it in time and in a week or two, I should have plenty of ripe figs to give away and to enjoy.

It looks like a bounty of abundance and I am grateful. The sky above is beautifully clear heralding a gorgeous day, not too hot and just right. The birds are picking up their singing drowning out the pigeons and the air, well, it is fresh washed clean by the rain and ready to meet another day. Inside, I hear the beeping of the washing machine telling me to put the load in the dryer. It’s going to be a beautiful day and I’m going to try and make it a great one.

Have an amazing day.

This Thing Called Love (1)

(Archives)

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By now, you know that most of my posts center around this thing called love. It’s because I have my fact-finding shoes on and I want to find out what it is all about.

It is elusive, that’s for sure. It morphs and never stays the same, that’s another aspect. It shows up when you least expect it and it doesn’t stay for long. It is loving and all-consuming but when things go south, it takes off on winged feet. This is my experience as far as love is concerned.

Poor me? Not really. It is daunting this task of finding “real love” but my curiosity is aroused and I’m not going to settle for anything less than the real kind. Curiosity killed the cat, you say? Well, Chachi, the cat, is doing pretty well in that respect and he’s wearing the Einstein hat now!

Someone said to me it is not about ego or attitude yesterday. I totally agree. However, it is not about accepting everyone who walks in the door and placing the “love tag” on them either. That’s a surefire way to disaster. One person called me complicated, well, more than one but who’s counting! Complicated in this case means I’m not willing to accept what is offered. It’s more like the caveman variety. “Here I am woman take me! I like you so no more wasting time and no more discussion. Let’s get down to business!” Nope, that won’t work. I am too emancipated for that BS! Call me complicated all you want but you’re out the door!

I live in a small village that time forgot. The marriages here last a very long time. Have they found the secret to a long and happy love life? Not really. It is based on convenience. Its more like, “I provide and you pander.” Get the picture? These marriages last for a very long time but they are miserable together. One prime example was my in-laws. They were married for decades and they boasted about the longevity of their relationship, however, fights were a part of their daily existence. When he died, she mourned his loss. I wondered if she was mourning the loss of the person or what she was accustomed to, that of nagging and bickering all day long. Perhaps, it was addicting but is that real love?

Someone else said, “If you find it, hold on to it.” I definitely plan to do that. In my journey so far, I’m finding that “love” comes disguised in all its wishy-washy forms but if you want the real kind, you’ve got to take your time, know what you will settle for and what you won’t and don’t be afraid to discard if it’s not what you’re looking for. It takes courage, it takes a single-minded focus and it takes walking the road less traveled. Shut out the noise around you. The one that says, “You can’t do this,” but more specifically the one that roars, “You’ll wind up alone!” I say, “better alone than with the wrong person.”

“Unless it’s mad, passionate or extraordinary love, it’s a waste of your time. There are too many mediocre things in life: Love shouldn’t be one of them.” Unknown

AND

“There is no such thing as love, you just happen to bump into someone who laughs at your jokes, likes the way you’re face is and accepts the way you look at the world. Love isn’t real, only two human beings coincidentally lonely at the same moment in time.”

What do you think? Some truth to that assumption?

Have an amazing day.

Life & Love

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These are two things I’m curious about and I wish I can get a handle on both of them. So far, it has been touch and go. Just when I think I know what life and love are all about, it goes and changes on me!

One thing I know is that life is unpredictable more so than love. You can’t count on it being the same day in and day out and there is no counting on it to remain the same. If anything, it has the ability to turn your world upside down when you least expect it and that is exactly why I’m curious about it. It almost seems like it knows what it is doing AND it also knows that we are fully capable of handling whatever it throws our way even if we think it is an impossibility or there is no way we’re going to stand back up from the latest onslaught. Looking back, I think I was ENOUGH all along but still I want it laid out in black and white as to what life is and why it is so erratic. Some say it is the nature of the beast.

Love, on the other hand, is predictable. If you are in a bad relationship, it goes without saying that it is going to end badly. I have found that when I veer off the path and go my own way, I usually wind up getting hurt. It also seems that the “chase” doesn’t always work. If I take my focus away from finding love, the right kind of love, it shows up knocking on my door. Only problem is that I still keep looking thinking there is more out there, the almost perfect person for me and that is my problem. I know what love can do, how it can take you soaring or rip you apart and leave you gasping for air, that too is predictable. I am curious about the “forever love” the kind that lasts for a lifetime. I am still looking for it. If the person will show up that is the question.

I am curious about many things but those two listed above are at the top of my list. Perhaps, I should leave it alone but when has that stopped me!

Daily writing prompt

What are you curious about?

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The Problem Makers

There are problem makers and then there are problem makers.

“Avoid people who mess with your head. Avoid people who intentionally and repeatedly do and say things that they know upset you. Avoid people who expect you to prioritize them but refuse to prioritize you. Avoid people who can’t and won’t apologize sincerely. AVOID. AVOID. AVOID.” Unknown

AND

“There are some people who always seem angry and continuously look for conflict. Walk away the battle they are fighting isn’t with you, it is with themselves.” Unknown

I’ve met some of those people along the way and they are the people problem makers. However, there is another kind of problem making that is much more incendiary and if allowed to, it has the power to drive you insane at times and at other times, you wonder if you’re coming or going. I’m talking about the “what if” scenarios that we are so capable of creating in our minds. The destructive kind.

“What ifs” have the potential to bring you down if used too often. It leads to heightened anxiety, it appears replaying unwanted scenarios in your head and it is known to erode self-confidence and it brings about self-doubt.

“What” and “if” are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life.” Unknown

What if? What if? What if?

“Change your what ifs to even ifs and stop giving power to worry.” Mya Ramirez.

I had a heart-to-heart with someone close yesterday and the conversation centered around all the “what ifs.” What if things go wrong?” What if the outcome is not what I want?” “What if changes are coming?” You guessed it, those questions were all coming from my side. He listened quietly and asked, “Why are you so afraid and WHY are you having all these checkups done? Whatever comes, it comes.” He has this que sera sera attitude about life and whatever comes his way, he lets it roll over like water over a duck’s back. He seems to be living a worry-free life with that attitude of his. I, on the other hand, jump at every problem and let it take me for a ride for as long as it wants to. The end result, total exhaustion and a frazzled mind.

The talk did some good. It made me step back from my doomsday, “What if” scenarios and to take a good hard look at my problem and to come up with some positive solutions. One of those solutions is not to jump the gun. My worries will not change a thing but my efforts at doing what is necessary to minimize the damage may put a positive spin on the whole thing.

“The what-if’s and the should-have’s will eat your brain.” John O’Callaghan

And if by chance the same old question creeps around, this next quote might just help.

“What if I fall?

Oh, but my darling, what if you fly?” Unknown

Have an amazing day.

A Random Act of Kindness

I’ve done plenty because it is at the core of my existence. Being kind I mean. I’ve brought small bouquets of flowers to lonely neighbors, mostly women, who are living alone in this village and that small gesture brings a spark of light back in their eyes. I usually help when it is needed and I tend to put myself out there and often to my own detriment.

One act of kindness that stands out is my offer of help to a young family who had lost the mainstay of their family to suicide. I didn’t know her well but her son and mine were friends. She was a vet and they had a good life going or so we thought. I recall the week before the incident. We talked on my front stoop and she told me they were heading to Prague for the holidays and when they get back our two boys could meet up and have a playdate.

A week later, my son had his friends over but that little boy was missing. I asked where he was and the boys kept saying, “His mom is gone!” I was puzzled so I called and found out the sad news. I wasn’t close to them but somehow this caring within me kicked in and I offered help. The father accepted. I was there at the funeral and it was a sad one. No one could understand why she had done what she did. There had been no signs whatsoever.

Anyway, the father asked if I could look after the little boy after the funeral, he needed time alone. I agreed and took him home with me. He stayed for two or perhaps three days, I can’t recall now. I would catch him staring into space not understanding but somehow knowing that his life had changed. I recall giving him hugs and saying, “Everything will be alright.” My son kept him occupied but the strange thing, I would break into tears for no apparent reason. Perhaps, it was the sadness of the situation or something else, I don’t really know.

I know that the boy still remembers the kindness that was shown to him. He is a young man now studying in Scotland. He has done well and his mom would be so proud of him. When we do meet and when our eyes touch, I see that he still remembers the kindness that was offered to him. It was a small gesture from my end but it helped him when he needed it most and sometimes that is what kindness is about.

Daily writing prompt

Write about a random act of kindness you’ve done for someone.

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Some Good News

It is interesting how life throws one thing your way and combines it with another just to sweeten the pot or to say, “Look, it’s not all bad.”

I’ve written about my health issue in the last two posts and it is at the top of my mind or has me in its grip. Getting away from it is hard because I do take very good care of myself and this latest news is totally unfair but when has life been fair? If anything, it is there to teach us lessons and whether we want to learn or not doesn’t matter.

Well, I got this not so nice news from the doctor and just as I was deep diving into a roller coaster ride of emotions, I get this other news. Normally, I would be over the moon but not this time. My book, the long awaited one, will be out around end of August! I should have been very happy but mixed with the other news, it came over almost lukewarm and it didn’t have the power kick it should have had.

Anyway, the book should hit bookstores everywhere during that time. The marketing part is not to my liking. They are talking about book signings, interviews and other stuff which would require yours truly to put in an appearance and that is the part that is not appealing. I love my privacy so I am not happy about that part. What to do? Bite the bullet and do it or refuse and see the book go down in flames? Oh well, one thing at a time. The good news is I will finally have a printed copy in my hands and get to see all my hard work on display. I’ve always loved that part about writing, seeing my work in print.

Have an amazing day.

A Description of Self

Didn’t I just answer this question a couple of days ago? Oh well, here we go. This is hard and you’ve got to be good with description to do this one. Let’s see if I can pull this one off.

I had a blind friend in high school and we were close. One day he wanted to know how I looked like. So he placed his hands on my face and went over the contours and I guess he got a pretty good idea. This here is different.

Okay, I’m petite with long dark hair. Some say that my hair is my best feature but I say it is my smile. I smile with my eyes and my laugh is contagious. Of course that is hard to convey to someone who can’t see me but perhaps you hear it in my voice! My skin is soft and smooth or at least that is what I was told not too long ago when a friend touched my arm to look at it and went, “Whoa! You’re one of those!” I looked confused and he said, “The ones with soft skin.” That, my friend, comes with putting a lot of care into keeping it that way.

My eyes are almond-shaped and add the long dark hair and I have this exotic look going. I am slim, almost skinny. I lost a lot of weight when I accompanied the friend to his deathbed but I’ve gained some of it back. I guess that about completes the picture of me. Attractive? I don’t think so but I’ve been told I am. That about sums it up for this question, next one please!

Daily writing prompt

How would you describe yourself to someone who can’t see you?

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The Fear Factor

“F-E-A-R has two meanings: “Forget Everything And Run” or “Face Everything And Rise.” The choice is yours.” Zig Ziglar

This is an interesting quote. I guess it comes down to how you want to handle fear. My first option has always been the first one. I don’t know when fear walked in and decided to take a permanent place in my life but it did and stayed for a very long time. When murder walked in and took my mother’s life, I knew just how powerful “fear” was. My life as I knew it disappeared and fear and danger were everywhere. I had changed from that fearless young girl who had once roamed the woods alone to a young woman who feared anything and everyone. This was the psychological toll that the murder had on me. Another one would follow in its wake but one was enough to turn my world upside down and to put “fear” at the helm of my existence.

“Don’t be ashamed of being scared. To be afraid is a sign of common sense. Only complete idiots are not afraid of anything.” Carlos Ruiz Zafon

It took a long time and it took lots of work to step out from the shadows of fear. However, it never fully let go of the grip it had on me. Courage, strength, grit and focus were the tools that helped me to stand back up and to face life on its own terms.

“Courage is not the absence of fear, it is the ability to act in the presence of fear.” Bruce Lee

This latest onslaught on my psyche has been a big one. The unknown is scary and listening to the doctor drone on about tests has brought the fears back, the ones I’ve been working on to eradicate and the ones I thought I had conquered. Now, they’re staring me in the face and I want to do this. “Forget Everything and Run!” A part of me wants to give up and run but the other part, the one that has fought numerous battles and survived wants to take on this latest challenge and emerge the winner.

“Whenever you find yourself doubting how far you can go, just remember how far you have come. Remember everything you faced, all the battles you have won and all the fears you have overcome.”

September 4th is D-Day. The all-important test will take place and it will determine how my life will change and what comes after. Fear? Yes, it’s there, in fact it is holding my hand right now. I hate that fear is back and holding court and courage has taken a backseat. I’m hoping that the inner spark, the inner light, the warrior within will step forward and sent it packing but it is going to take some time.

“To me fearless isn’t not having fears, It’s not that you’re afraid of anything. I think that being fearless is having a lot of fears, but you jump anyway.” Taylor Swift

So, I’m jumping into the unknown with both eyes open. Whatever comes I will face it head on and I will walk with my head held high as I have in times past. This journey of self-discovery I have been on has taught me that there is incredible strength within and it shows up when you least expect it AND it has the power to overcome the unimaginable. I hope it shows up wearing bells and shows “fear” the door. I can only hope.

Have an amazing day.

Human Nature (Archives)

What is human nature? One explanation refers to “the fundamental characteristics, ways of thinking, feeling, and acting that are generally considered to be inherent to human beings.” One can say we are pre-programmed to act in a certain way when faced with certain situations but nurture and social experiences do play a part in shaping individual behaviors as to how we react to certain outside stimuli.

Here are some quotes that speak to the heart of the matter.

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity and I ‘m not sure about the universe.” Albert Einstein

“It is human nature to think wisely and act in an absurd fashion.” Anatole France

I totally agree with this assumption. Been there and done that many times over!

“Human nature is deeply ingrained despite our best efforts difficult to change.” Unknown

This one shines the spotlight on the problem itself. Stupidity and stubbornness sometimes or often go hand-in-hand making it a lose-lose situation.

“It’s human nature to remember only what you want to remember and forget what you want to forget, or transform it into a different story.” Unknown

We are all good storytellers so I definitely agree with the transformation part so much so to our own detriment.

“I hate it when people argue in public and I’ve missed the beginning so I don’t know whose side I’m on.” Unknown

This too is human nature.

“People will question all the good things they hear about you but believe all the bad without a second thought.” Unknown

Human nature at its best?

“I chose the road less traveled and now I don’t know where I am.” Unknown

ME TOO!

“Even if you give them everything that they ask for, it’ll never be enough.” Unknown

Are we talking about men here?

Finally….

THE LAWS OF HUMAN NATURE

“You are not a pawn in a game controlled by others; you are an active player who can move the pieces at will and even rewrite the rules.” Robert Greene

There you go. You are not stuck where you are and you have the ability to change your life. You just need to start moving in the right direction. What about human nature? Tell it to take a hike!

Have an amazing day.

Traditions

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Almost every family has them and some are wonderful and some we can do without. My family had many traditions and I had to be there whether I wanted to or not!

My parents were religious people and church on Sundays was one of those traditions. I’m not just talking about Sunday service but spending the whole day at church! Yes, it was excruciating for a young girl but I did it simply because it was a must. This is one tradition I don’t keep up with. I’m not going to put my son through it either. It’s his decision altogether and he has chosen to go the other way but I think a little religion doesn’t hurt anyone.

All the other holidays were part and parcel of our upbringing. Christmas was a big deal but I loved it and when I was married, I kept up with the tradition. Presents, lights, Christmas carols and good food were all still a part of tradition but nowadays, it is a quiet affair. No going all out, just some lights, music and a quiet time, so that has changed. Thanksgiving was another big deal. It was a time for family get-togethers, turkey and all the trimmings and lots of food! I’ve changed it to almost nothing. When the friend was there, we would have a semblance of Thanksgiving, just some good food and a quiet time together. Now that he is gone, I’m mostly on my own except for Chachi, the cat.

Traditions have changed but I guess it does when life changes. Time changes things too and circumstances complete the picture. Memories of those traditions I had with my parents still remain, they always will, because they were wonderful times except for the whole day at church bit. I could have done without those.

Daily writing prompt

What traditions have you not kept that your parents had?

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