Couldn’t have said it better myself. Time to put those items into practice. The hardest, as far as I am concerned, will be the last one. I do overanalyze everything to the point that I start out with something small and by the time I finish with it, it has been blown to gigantic proportions.
Anxiety is defined as, “a natural response to pressure, feeling afraid or threatened, which can show up in how we feel physically, mentally, and in how we behave. It’s common to describe anxiety as a feeling of dread, fear or unease, which can range from mild to severe.”
It can also be a normal reaction to stress and it walks in and stays for awhile sometimes making your daily existence a living hell. It can overwhelm at times but the mild variety doesn’t stay for too long. Occasional anxiety is normal and it dissolves when whatever got you “hyped up” dissipates.
“Our anxiety does not come from thinking about the future, but from wanting to control it.” Khalil Gibran
Sound familiar? Something is not working right and there we go. Sweating, breathing hard and to make matters worse, we stay fixated on the problem wanting to control the outcome. I’ve been having such episodes lately. I love fixing things and sometimes even before they happen! When it doesn’t go as planned, my thoughts get erratic, I experience restlessness, and irritability. I’ve been looking at ways to not let “anxiety” get the better of me. One method is to focus your thoughts on things that bring “good vibes” into your being. The other is to exercise for all you’re worth or to just get out in nature, breathe and let go. If that doesn’t work, here’s something that might just do the trick.
Mantra for anxiety:
“Anxiety isn’t you. It’s something moving through you. It can leave out of the same door it came in.” James Clear
AND
“Trust yourself. You’ve survived a lot, and you’ll survive whatever is coming.” Robert Tew
I like what Dr. Lucy Russell has to say about this topic.
“We have anxious thoughts because the brain is trying to keep us alive. To the brain, survival is much more important than happiness. So, the brain often conjures up worst case scenarios and “what ifs”, so that we can prepare for disaster. The trouble is, the brain regularly gets it wrong.”
All that preparation for nothing? Well, sometimes it is and at other times, it is needed to wade through the murky waters of anxiety.
How do you lessen anxiety naturally?
You can practice mindfulness, try different breathing techniques to calm the nervous system, practice daily meditation and use guided imagery to lessen the stress and to get clarity on the problem at hand.
If that fails, try the following.
“Breathe. You’re going to be okay. You’ve gotten through so many things in your life. YOU’VE GOT THIS.” Karen Salmansohn
“It’s you versus you. Meaning you’re the only thing standing in your way.” Amber Tamblyn
The battle lines are often drawn when it comes to facing life’s adversities, difficulties and the unknown. How often do you say, “This is too hard to handle or I can’t do this!” Life’s uncertainties are often met with, I am unworthy, I am too small, I am insignificant, I am not pretty enough, I am not capable, I am not enough and so on. We come up with so many excuses as to why we can’t achieve something or why it is impossible but if truth be told, we make mountains out of molehills. I often point my fingers at everything but myself. I become small and that problem, whatever it is, changes shape and becomes a mountain. It doesn’t matter that the mountain is of my own making, it’s there and it seems insurmountable.
What if we take a step back and view it from a different angle? Is it still insurmountable? How about if we changed our mindset to one of “I can” instead of “I can’t?” I know some problems are huge and they remain huge no matter which way you look at it but there are others that become that way because the “you” the negative “you” sees it that way and so it looms larger than life and once that negative mindset takes hold, it is all downhill from there. I’ve started looking at problems as just that. They are problems yes but I’ve decided to downsize them. I give them a cursory glance at first then I break it down into pieces and tackle it that way. Gone are the days of heart-thumping and end-of-the-world theatrics. No, it hasn’t made the problem any less of a problem but breaking it down does make it more manageable. Perhaps we need to remember it is not you vs. you but YOU working with you to come up with a solution, one that is workable.
It has been said you are your own worst enemy but what if you become your own best friend? Wouldn’t life be so much easier not to mention simpler? Here are some tips on how to do exactly that from the mindful.org.
When you look at the mirror, appreciate the unique person staring back at you – there’s never been another you!
When you talk to yourself, be friendly! Be understanding! NEVER BE MEAN!
When you need lovin’, give yourself a self-hug. Don’t knock it ’till you try it!
Don’t be shy to use your name and tell yourself that you love you.
Make a date with yourself to do something kind and caring.
Make yourself laugh.
Take time for contemplative practices that help you stay tuned in to your body, mind and emotions so that you might always be able to access your inner wisdom.
Idowu Koyenikan had this to say about problems.
“Mountains are only a problem when they are bigger than you. You should develop yourself so much that you become bigger than the mountains you face.”
If all else fails, you can give the “you” that is causing you problems a boot out the door! That should do it. Easier said than done I know and finally, YOU AREENOUGH AS YOU ARE so don’t underestimate yourself.
I am learning that each new day is a reminder to do better.
I am learning that I am fully capable of dealing with everything life throws my way.
I am learning that I need to practice gratefulness and to be thankful for all that I have.
I am learning to accept me as I am and to make changes if some of those things don’t work to my greater good.
I am learning to let go of things that don’t serve me and I am making room for those that do.
I am learning that I can’t change people, I can only change myself.
I am learning that life is a journey full of ups and downs and nothing stays the same forever.
I am learning that there is no such thing as forever, just the here and now.
I am learning that love is fleeting at its best and at its worst, it has the potential to turn your world upside down and inside out. Tread carefully.
I am learning that cheaters never change. They are repeat offenders. Integrity is just another word to them. A relationship with such an individual is like throwing pearls at pigs.
I am learning that today is a blessing, a gift and I have it in my power to make it an amazing day.
I am learning that life is ever-changing. It is a learning curve and mistakes are made to show us a new way of handling things and to learn and grow from it. Perhaps that is what life is all about.
“But most of all, I am slowly learning how to just be in this moment. How to exist. How to understand that I cannot control life, that I can only experience it in both its light and its dark stages. I am slowly learning how to laugh and cry and feel through it all, how to welcome the confusion and the joy that come with loving and living and breaking. I am slowly learning how to accept where I am”
“I am slowly learning how to simply believe in the person I am becoming.” Unknown
Update: I’m still taking those small steps forward and I am seeing progress. The journey is ongoing and it seems to be a never-ending one but there are changes taking place. That, in itself, is a good thing.
“You will get there when you are meant to get there and not one moment sooner…so relax, breathe, and be patient.” Mandy Hale
These days ‘relax’ is a word that seems foreign to me. Once, a long time ago, it was the easiest thing to do. I could close my eyes anywhere and go to Nirvana Land at the drop of a coin but not anymore.
What changed? Life did. A divorce, the death of a close friend and life’s curveballs all had me standing at the brink and pulling myself back from staring into the abyss was hard to do but I did.
“At any given moment you have the power to say this is not how the story is going to end.” Unknown
I realized that I had the power within me to change what I didn’t like. Pulling myself back up and to keep going was even harder but I had no choice, it had to be done. I started by putting a 17 year marriage where it belonged. It was done and I had to move forward. I had to learn that ‘LOVE’ can and does end and I had no say in the matter. I couldn’t decide for the other person so I worked on the person I knew best. I went deep inside myself and then I heard the whisper and it said, “RELAX.” There was power there that much I knew. I took the steps to go back to what was always home to me. My inner self and to get there I had to learn to relax again. It was not easy, nothing ever is. The first few tries were a disaster. A few minutes was all I could do. It was frustrating but I learned to just breathe. Just simple in and out breathing, nothing fancy. The technique took very little time but I could feel it vibrating within me. I was coming alive again.
“If you don’t like where you are, change it. You’re not a tree.” Unknown
However, life wasn’t done with me yet. There were more lessons to be learned and it would not only test my resolve to do better but it would take me back to square one again. Eight years after my divorce, I would lose someone very dear to me and once again, it felt like the rug was being pulled out from under me. Goodbyes are hard but ‘forever’ goodbyes even more so. The peace I had felt within had disintegrated and now it lay scattered around my feet. I wanted what I couldn’t have but he was gone and I had to go it alone. Nothing I did and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get myself to relax again. It felt like I was climbing walls where there was none to be found. I was back on that cliff and staring into a fog covered distance. Then I heard the whisper and it said, “RELAX. You’ll be fine.”
“Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip toe if you must, but take the step.” Unknown
I took those small steps because there was no other way. My plan of action was to keep taking those small steps until they turned to bigger steps and I could feel myself flying again. It took time, it took looking back at things I didn’t want to look at, it took discarding what no longer served me and most of all, it took courage to move ahead. I learned to relax. Breathing, meditating, walks, enjoying nature, working out, treating myself and learning to like myself all became a daily routine. I talked myself into loving me and to learn that I AM ENOUGH AS I AM. No, I’m not flying yet but I hope one day I will. I’m still taking those steps to move forward and learning to leave the past behind me. Relaxation is still hard but those few minutes a day have turned into more than 40 minutes a day. I am making progress.
“Don’t seek, don’t search, don’t ask, don’t knock, don’t demand…relax! If you relax, it comes. If you relax, it is there. If you relax, you start vibrating with it.” Osho
I do both. Thinking about the past and the future is a must as far as I am concerned. The past helps me to see the future in a different light. There are lessons I have learned from my past and I know that I can put those lessons to good use in the future. Some people say, “The past is the past, leave it be.” I disagree, dwelling on it is one thing but knowing where you came from is another. The things you went through helped to shape the “now” you. One should not shut the door completely on the past but from time to time look back there to see the monumental strength it took to get to where you are now. I say, the past is important for all those reasons.
The future is something else altogether. It hasn’t happened yet so there is an element of surprise attached to it. Will it be good? Will it be bad? Questions we often ponder about but there are no answers yet. However, we have it in our hands to make it better than where we are at now. Working on yourself, planning, and looking towards the future with optimism all helps.
There are no guarantees in life. The past gives us “lessons” we don’t want to repeat and the future, well, it is looming in the distance but one thing is for sure, it will arrive sooner or later. I spend time thinking about both and it is not wasted time. It helps me to move forward from where I am at and to try and grasp the future with both hands! Not always possible but I am optimistic that when it does roll around, all will be well.
Fingers, toes, and everything else crossed!
Daily writing prompt
Do you spend more time thinking about the future or the past? Why?
We’re into Day 4 and I can’t help but ask, didn’t we just get started? Anyway, the wind is howling like a banshee outside and snow is in the forecast again. No walk today so I’m getting my writing in. Lots of coffee is also on the agenda.
I’m planning what this year is going to look like for me. No, I don’t know for sure but I have control over a few ideas. Trying to get a second children’s book out is on the table but I’m not sure yet. I have been collaborating with a publisher, a different one from the last one I used. I’m not happy with them and someone else is willing to work with me. The problem is, I don’t know if I want to go through the stress again. It involves a lot of things and I wanted this year to be quieter. Like nothing much to do at all!
If I give the go ahead, it will mean many things. Working with illustrators, proofreading, book layout, audio version which involves picking out the right voice and so on. Hmm….sounds interesting but I haven’t made up my mind yet.
Working on me is an ongoing project. I made headway last year and saw major improvements to the point that I was called “complicated,” and “arrogant!” Oh well, so be it. I know what I want and I won’t settle for anything less so call me whatever. I learned that I’m a pushover, too nice, too accommodating, willing to bend over backwards to please people and so on. This year, I’m changing some of those negative traits. I want to be stronger, I will stand my ground and will walk away if something is not contributing to my well-being. It will take courage and focus to do that but I come armed and ready to do battle! Well, maybe not battle, just to be steadfast in what I want.
Health is on the agenda as well. This year I’m upping the workouts, looking for more ways to stay healthy, and working on showing the “stress monster” the door is also on the list of things to do. I’m not going to let little things rattle me and I’m going to breathe and let go as much as possible of things that don’t matter. Let’s see if this will work out. I have good intentions and that matters.
Yes, the new year is trying to take off in leaps and bounds, as it usually does.
Weakness is easy. It doesn’t take much to get you there. It could be brought about by the breakdown of a relationship or a situation in life that brings us to our knees. During those times, “weakness” will come around holding out its hands to us and more often than not we are more than willing to stay for awhile and wallow there in the darkness. Be very careful of weakness, it’s a false friend. It is inadequate, feeble, lacking in firmness and strength is not one of its attributes. Know when to let go and stand back up.
“We do not have to become heroes overnight. Just a step at a time, meeting each thing that comes up, seeing it as not as dreadful as it appeared, discovering we have the strength to stare it down.” Eleanor Roosevelt
Choose your lessons carefully. If you don’t want darkness than don’t stand in it. There are things that happen in life that we have no control over but there are the ones that we know exactly what we are getting into. For example, the people we choose to have relationships with knowing full well that we are headed for disaster from the get go or the things we shouldn’t do and yet it beckons and we go for it ignoring the consequences or choosing to go into the lion’s den knowing full well what is awaiting us there. Choose to stand in the light.
“If you want the light to come into your life, you need to stand where it is shining.” Guy Finley
Not always easy I know. Being strong when faced with adversity is not always doable. Being strong when standing in the dark and faced with the unknown is scary. Being strong when all you want to do is throw up your hands is one of the hardest things to do. I learned my hardest lessons not when things and situations were at their best but when they were at their most difficult. The lessons we learn when we are at our most vulnerable are the ones that help us as we make our way through life and the ones that help to shore us up for the lessons to come. The ones that teach us we are not breakable but pliable and like that tree that moves and bends as the wind picks up, we too are fully capable of handling whatever life throws our way.
“You never know how strong you are, until being strong is your only choice.” Bob Marley
I’ve written about letting go before but this time it is about letting go of adult children. It is interesting how they come into your life and turn your world upside down from the first moment you hear that cry, that helpless cry which signals for you to step in and take over as their protector and their safe zone. However, as they start to grow, life becomes a series of letting go.
“Letting go of adult children involves trusting your parenting, allowing them to make mistakes for growth, setting healthy boundaries, and shifting from directing to supporting.”
I’ve been grappling with the idea of “letting go” ever since my son got the news shortly before Christmas that he got the job he has been dreaming of. I couldn’t have been prouder as he stood there wearing the “cat who swallowed the cream” look and gave me the news. I was PROUD but a day later, I found myself gasping for air. The move would mean he would be four hours away, an eternity to me. Even though university was two hours away and I went from, “I can’t!” to I will survive this. I did. However, there were days when my anxiety took over and I had to talk myself down from the tree I was on. I needed to believe that he would be alright but it was hard to do. Somehow I made it through.
“As a parent, you quickly realize that life is one long series of letting go: watching your kid crawl, then walk, then run, and then drive away.” Deborah Mitchell
The papers are there, he will have to make a decision soon and then it will happen whether I want it to or not. Part of me wants him with me but he is no longer a child, he is a young man getting ready to fly. He is looking forward to a new life and even though the unknown is scary, I sense that he is ready to go.
“Raising your child well is hard. But learning to let them go out into the world and prove that you did your job right is even tougher.” J. Crane
It is TOUGH! We had a long talk yesterday and I see this young man who thinks he has the world in the palms of his hands and he is ready to show the world that he is capable, strong, and ready to rumble! I still see my baby. I guess I always will.
“There are two lasting bequests we can give our children. One is roots. The other is wings.” Hodding Carter, Jr.
AND
“Loving your adult children means letting them grow, stumble, and soar on their own terms. Independence is their gift to themselves – and your gift to them.” Unknown
I KNOW that when the time comes and I have to let him go again, I will. Until then, I will talk myself into letting him go knowing that he has the wings he needs and I will be the wind under them if ever he needs me.
I’ve taught him well and it is time to fly even if my heart wants to hold a little tighter for just a little while longer.
“Being a good parent requires knowing when to push & when to back off when to help & when to let them make mistakes & then being strong enough to watch them go.” Unknown
I saw this online and it had been laughing out loud! The problem is we are all on the selfsame journey, just a matter of time. LORD HAVE MERCY!
The Senility Prayer
God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones that I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Now that I’m older (but refuse to grow up) here’s what I’ve discovered…
ONE – I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
TWO – My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.
THREE – I finally got my head together now my body is falling apart.
FOUR – Funny, I don’t remember being absent minded.
FIVE – All reports are in, life is now officially unfair.
SIX – If all is not lost, where is it?
SEVEN – It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
EIGHT – Some days you are the dog, some days you’re the hydrant.
NINE – I wish the buck stopped here, I sure could use a few.
TEN – Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
ELEVEN – Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
TWELVE – It’s hard to make a come back when you haven’t been anywhere.
THIRTEEN – The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you’re in the bathroom.
FOURTEEN – If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.
FIFTEEN – When I’m finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?
SIXTEEN – It’s not hard to meet expenses…they’re everywhere.
SEVENTEEN – The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
EIGHTEEN – These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter…I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I’m here after.
NINETEEN – I AM UNABLE TO REMEMBER IF I HAVE MAILED THIS TO YOU BEFORE OR NOT!!!
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