I’ve written about the different types of individuals who are out there on the dating circuit. The narcissists, the scammers, the cheaters, the old men pretending to be 30 again, and a whole host of others that I know are out there but I haven’t met yet and I hope I never do! The aforementioned types give dating a bad name.
Anyway, I went out on this date last week. He seemed nice enough. A medical doctor with an impressive list of achievements to his name. He walked in carrying a bouquet of flowers and with a smile plastered on his face. Three hours into the breakfast date, we were still talking. I had to cut it short so he walked me to the car, gave me a hug, a kiss on the cheek and with a, “We’ll talk later,” and went on his way. My thought at the time, “nice guy” except for the fact that he kept telling me that he had a whole slew of women vying for his attention. Hmm…that was a red flag, but I tossed it aside.
The next day, we talked on the phone and he said, “It was a nice meeting. I want to get to know you better. I have a guest bedroom at my place and you can stay there for the weekend. I promise nothing will happen.”
He seemed harmless enough but I knew that there was no way I was going to spend a weekend at his place, no way in hell! I decided to play it out. We’ve been talking everyday since then, just friendly talk. Then it changed yesterday.
The phone call came as usual. He started out with, “I want to be honest with you. I’m not the faithful type.”
ME: “You mean you were unfaithful in your marriage?
HIM: “I’ve always been unfaithful. I think there is a difference between loyalty and being faithful.”
All the alarm bells were going off and screaming “High Alert!”
ME: “What do you mean? If you’re with someone, you are with that person. There is no room for cheating.”
HIM: “I want to be honest with you. If I’m with you, my feelings will remain with you but if someone walks in and I want to have SEX with that person, it means nothing. IT IS JUST SEX, nothing more, nothing less!”
Where do I find these guys?!! Exactly my question. The problem is he didn’t see the stick stuck so far up my you know what and neither did he see all the doors slamming shut on him! I listened and then it was time to put him out of his misery.
ME: “This is not for me. Cheaters are not my cup of tea, coffee or whatever else! You do you and I’ll do me.”
HIM: “Once we are together, I think it will change. I THINK I will be faithful BUT I don’t know. I really don’t know.”
He was being honest but I started wondering how many marriages out there are running on this same concept. The “having your cake and eating it too,” concept. I know it is not for me. Either be with me 100% or take a hike!
Another one bites the dust. Onwards and forwards. This dating thing is more than a headache and a half!
Where do I start?!! I want to say that I trust my instincts because I have a good head on my shoulders but, alas, it’s the other part that I worry about. The part that sees and doesn’t want to see and does its own thing. So far, it has been running rampant and doing whatever it wants. I call it “my heart.”
I am a softie when it comes to matters of the heart. Deep down inside I know that the path I’m taking is not a good one and it will lead to trouble but still I keep on, sometimes out of curiosity and sometimes out of sheer stupidity!
This journey of self-discovery I am on has helped to keep me on the straight and narrow but the heart wants what it wants. It wants excitement, the feeling of danger, the throbbing that comes from the adrenaline rush and so it goes. I’m not an adrenaline junkie, never have been, but I go for the “bad boys!” The ones I know from the get go that they are better left alone. However, I want to play the “helper” or rather the person who wants to save them from their misery.
Self-discovery has helped me to see things with a clearer perspective. Still, I am not all the way there. It is going to take time. Do I trust my instincts? Absolutely!
These days, I’m giving the “good guys” more than a chance. They are boring but it’s time to take my boots off (the adventurous ones) and to give those house slippers a chance to reign supreme. Who knows I may just find what I’m looking for. A nice guy with a heart of gold and one who doesn’t need saving!
I have a love-hate relationship with December The year is drawing to a close and I have a chance at making things better as year end approaches and a new one begins. Add Christmas to that and what’s not to like?
Plenty. I love Christmas, the sights, the sounds, the scents, and just the feeling of peace that is everywhere. The house comes alive with lights and there is this dreamy quality about it. The fireplace crackles, add a blanket or two on the couch and you’re ready to snuggle and watch the flames burn. There is just something about this time of year. I love it and yet, there is a certain sadness because the heart longs for Christmases past when loved ones were near and it was a time for family and friends to gather and celebrate the season. Christmas is no longer like it used to be. The circle has grown smaller and it is usually just Chachi and yours truly. Last year, I had a friend who came over but it wasn’t the same. This year, I might spend it with my “Little Buttercup” who is always ready to spend time with his mommy.
I have a love-hate relationship with this month. I love the cold, even better if there is snow outside, walks in nature are filled with wonder, and festive lights twinkling everywhere warms the heart and fills the soul with a certain something. I can’t put my finger on it. I call it “magic.”
However, there are definite downsides to this month as well and when you’re alone, it is magnified during this time of the year. I’m learning to cope with it and taking it in stride as I do with most things. Still, I do love December and all that it brings.
Sometimes we think that silence is just that, a certain quietness where nothing happens. It is a void that is soothing but nothing much comes out of it. I beg to differ. I have found that if you listen carefully, “silence” has much to say.
“It’s been said that actions speak louder than words, sometimes, it’s what you don’t say or do, that sends the loudest message.” Carlos Wallace
Quite often when something doesn’t go our way and we are hurt by another’s actions or words, the first reaction is to let it rip. Let it all out and show them how you feel and during those moments, words are aplenty and so are emotions. However, when all is said and done and you are wrung dry, more often than not you realize that you didn’t achieve anything through those outbursts of the unsavory kind.
“Once you’ve matured, you realize silence is more powerful than proving a point.” Unknown
Maturity doesn’t show up wearing bells and it does not say, “Here I am, take me and use me.” It shows up when you least expect it and when you’ve gone though the growing up process. The one that takes you on the ups and downs, the one where you find yourself down on your knees and the one that shows you there is a better way of doing things without going ballistic. It is the quiet gentle knowledge of knowing that you deserve better and you will move on with grace. No shouting or being loud needed.
“And suddenly I stopped explaining, stopped fixing, and just moved on. I learned that silence speaks louder than words. No response is a response. Now, I don’t chase. I don’t care and I let people feel the weight of their own choices.” Unknown
Easier said than done? I know because I’ve been there. Things are hard and life is harder still but learning to navigate choppy waters is a must if you want life to let up on you. If something doesn’t go your way, take it in stride. If someone doesn’t choose you, let him or her go. If life isn’t going like it’s supposed to, stop, take note, and then move on knowing that whatever it is that life throws your way, you are fully capable of handling it. Let silence be your guide and your best friend. There is much to be learned during your bout with silence if you’ll only listen.
“Silence is not empty, it is the loudest answer.” Unknown
Not only that, it gives you the ability to get your message across WITHOUT SAYING A WORD!
Try it the next time you want to let someone have what is coming to them or you are chomping at the bit to say your piece. Stop and move in silence.
I learned about this place from a friend and at first I thought it was an okay place but nothing special. It was run by Italians and most of the staff there are young Italians from Italy. Some don’t speak English, no German whatsoever, and they loved speaking in Italian. The problem? Customers had a tough time placing their orders!
However, the place grew on me. It was nice and cozy, the ambience was comforting and the people friendly. I love the decor and the music playlist had some of my favorite songs on there. It slowly became a favorite place to hang out in whenever I met friends for coffee and sometimes breakfast. If we arrived early, the place was empty and you can hear yourself talk. However, come lunchtime, it gets crowded and very noisy. That’s when it is time to go.
In summer, they serve Italian ice but throughout the year, they have Tiramisu, cakes, cookies, breakfast dishes like Avocado Toast, American style scrambled eggs, toast, and to top it all great coffee.
I am a regular there so they know me well. Just recently, a server from Argentina who speaks English told me that he was leaving to go back home. He is actually an English teacher back home and he was going back for a year to help his family and to teach but he would be back next year. There are others there that I have come to know well.
I have a favorite spot by the window so that I can people watch and sip my coffee in silence when I am there by myself but when I meet a friend, we can talk and laugh like we are the only ones in the place! It’s a nice place and since I don’t like crowded places, it works just fine for those rare moments when I get myself out and about. Oh, the bakery is right across from the Italian place and that is an added bonus. It’s where I get my beloved cheesecake! Not a good thing in one sense but for those days when my willpower isn’t where it should be, I break down and get a slice or two of cheesecake before heading back home. Not a whole cake anymore. We are making progress!
There are two kinds of letting go, perhaps there are more ways of doing that but I’m going to talk about two kinds here that make letting go more than a nightmare.. The kind that is of a temporary nature and then there is the more permanent kind. In the temporary kind, you have every intention of letting go but when you do, it is only a matter of time before you go back to the same person. It doesn’t matter how bad the person has treated you, how you were almost invisible in their eyes, how they never had any time for you and you were never the priority but still, you hope and wish that things could have been different. Here’s the problem, it never changes because what they’ve shown you is what you get, nothing more, nothing less. Instead of showing them the door, you keep it slightly ajar just in case they decide to walk back in and do the drumroll all over again and you bow to their every wish.
“It sucks when you know that you need to let go, but you can’t because you’re still waiting for the impossible to happen.” Unknown
The other “letting go” kind is doing it permanently. You realize that the person you were seeing or dating has a lot of the qualities above and you see them for what they are. Maybe it is narcissism, maybe it is selfishness, maybe it is a lack of integrity or character and maybe they are just too full of themselves and think they are IT and everything revolves around them. It’s time to cut the cord because the relationship is not going anywhere and you also realize that you deserve better than what is being handed to you on a worn-out platter. It’s time to do a major change and to take out the trash.
“Letting go does not mean you stop caring, it means you stop trying to force others to.” Mandy Hale
There are many lessons to learn in life and one of them is, you can’t force someone to change. You can only change yourself and take control of who you are, what you deserve and who you want to be with.
“The hardest part about letting go is finally realizing that there wasn’t much left to hold on to.” Unknown
The problem with letting go and why it doesn’t work at times is because we keep looking back at a non-existent relationship and we romanticize it to the point that the guy comes out looking like Prince Charming when in actuality he is a toad or a turd! We come in with the “if only” scenarios hoping and wishing it could be different. Changing someone’s character is next to impossible, it might work for a while but then the real person shows up again and it is only a matter of time before that happens. If he is a cheater, you can bet your bottom dollar that he’ll do it again. If he is a narcissist, he’s a lost cause and if he’s someone who shows no empathy or compassion, well, that is not going to change either because it is built into their DNA. Pay careful attention to what they show you because you’re looking at the truth right there.
“If he’s stupid enough to walk away, be smart enough to let him.” Unknown
That is good advice because if he wants to go, let him go. Don’t keep wondering who he is with, what they are doing together and what he is up to. If you do, it makes letting go a very hard or almost an impossible thing to do.
“Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure.” Oprah Winfrey
Take Ms. Winfrey’s advice, the lady knows what she is talking about. Stay in the moment and give him enough rope to hang himself but YOU keep moving forward. Rest assured that whoever he is with or whatever he is doing is not far from what he was doing with you because people never change and they don’t change overnight and start smelling like a rose either. It is not for you to wonder why, just know that perhaps it was for the best.
“Patience is a virtue” a short phrase that means “waiting calmly is a good trait.” This was coined way back when waiting for anything to happen was normal and waiting patiently was considered a virtue rather than a hair pulling experience. Well, at least the English poet, William Langland, who came up with this phrase in 1360 thought so.
These days, patience is a learned virtue. At times it takes super-human strength to say, it is ok, I’ll wait a little while longer. The extreme could be waiting for something that never happens but promised it will. There are people in this world who think that showing up late is fashionable. I know someone or have known several people who showed up 30 minutes late for an appointment without so much as calling to say they are running late. This not showing up on time is stamped into their DNA so there is nothing you can do about it except show PATIENCE even if you have to grit your teeth and bear it. Needless to say, these people don’t have a permanent place in my life. They honed my patience level to the negative and it was time for them to go!
“The two most powerful warriors are patience and time.” Leo Tolstoy
Both come into play when dealing with people who show disrespect for your time and your patience level. It’s not that they don’t know what they are doing, they DO KNOW and that is the truth of the matter. Would they like it if you showed up late or worse still did not show up at all? What would happen if the shoe was on the other foot? I guarantee you they wouldn’t tolerate it for one minute.
“Patience is the calm acceptance that things can happen in a different order than the one you have in mind.” David G. Allan
Fine and good. However, these days my patience level is not where it used to be. Gone are the days of accepting it as a slight faux pas. These days, if it happens more than once, I am ready to close the door and move on. Patience is not my strong suit but than again why pull your hair out when in the end you’re the one who ends up with a bald spot and not the person who takes the laid back attitude to life. Believe me, patience is not all it has been cut out to be. Virtue or not, in the end your well-being matters, you matter and your principles matter. You don’t have to put up with it. That said, here are some quotes to lighten the topic.
“My doctor is concerned about my high blood pressure. I told him, well next time don’t leave me sitting in the waiting room for two hours.” Unknown
“My doctor told me to start killing people. Well not in those exact words. He said I had to reduce stress in my life, which is pretty much the same thing.” Unknown
“The fact that my entire body cracks like a glowstick whenever I move and yet refuses to actually glow is very disappointing.” Unknown
“My goal this weekend is to move only enough so people know I’m not dead.” Unknown
Tried this last weekend and it was pretty relaxing I must say.
“I MAY LOOK CALM —but in my mind I’ve already killed you twice.” Unknown
“Tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up.” Ann Bradford
I did but it doesn’t work.
This one I like a lot. It made me laugh which is a good thing.
“I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow doesn’t look good either.”
If you’re the type of person who plays havoc with other people’s patience, STOP! Treat others as you would like to be treated and that should do the trick but if it doesn’t and you’re a hardcore and professional patience tester, I hope you get what you deserve.
I have a regimented routine and I stick to it come hell or high water! Changes are not my thing so keeping to the routine is easy to do. Waking up with a good stretch in bed is a must, I do it the “Japanese” way. Just some lazy stretches in bed to get the circulation going before I slide out of bed. Then it’s a visit to the bathroom while Chachi waits patiently.
We head downstairs and since I get up when the birds do, it is still dark outside. Chachi takes his place by the window and I start breakfast. Nothing fancy or heavy. Sometimes it is an egg on toast accompanied by slices of avocado, other times, when I’m lazy, just two pieces of toast and a cup of coffee. Recently, I’ve started making Miso soup, it is healthy and a great start to the day. Then I head back upstairs to watch the news and Chachi stays downstairs watching the day as it wakes up as well.
Now, if there is one thing that I would like to skip if I could are the worries I wake up with. I’m a worrywart so worries are part and parcel of my daily existence. They are of my own making. I worry about everything and anything! Meditation helps with that and walks in nature help as well. However, it takes effort and focus to keep them out and to zero in on the good things. Things I am grateful for and there are plenty of reasons in that direction.
I haven’t got it down to a science yet but I’m working on it. One day, I hope I’ll wake up feeling fantastic and ready to face the day without WORRY on my mind! Fingers and toes crossed!
Daily writing prompt
What part of your routine do you always try to skip if you can?
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