life – Page 33 – Site Title

Solitude (Archives)

“A place where you meet yourself, where you embrace and appreciate your own company. Exactly, where you face your fears and rethink your decisions. Solitude is that essential place to recharge our inner energy.” Tuwalily

It’s a place I go to where I can shut out the noise, the distractions and the clutter that make up my life. I go within where there is peace to be found, resilience and strength. Solitude and stillness is where answers can be found and I get the strength to move on from where I’m at.

Solitude is defined as a “healthy, personal discipline that allows you to engage in meaningful self-reflection. Loneliness, however, is a state of sadness because one has no friends or company.” fullsailleadership.com

I embrace solitude and there is a certain deliciousness that comes from being still and listening to what is being told to you. When you get rid of the chatter, you get clarity.

“Solitude is where I place my chaos to rest and awaken my inner peace.” Unknown

Meditation, yoga or just a simple walk in the fields helps to open up a world of possibilities. A world where you are not confronted by what others think of you, of having to measure up, or of conforming to what is considered the norm. You can let go and just be yourself. It’s a place where you can go deep within and really see what you’re holding there, find out who you are and a place where you can learn to let go of what doesn’t serve you. There is peace within and unlimited resources but in order to reap the benefits, you need to come face to face with the ugliness, the so-called remnants of your past and retrain your mind to see different. Change your mindset and everything will start falling into place as it should. Solitude is where I find my peace and if I’m willing, it shows me who I am and what I need to change to get to the other side.

“Solitude is dangerous. It’s addicting. Once you see how peaceful it is, you don’t want to deal with people anymore because they drain your energy.” Unknown

I spend a lot of time by myself. I’m learning to love it to the point that I choose my own company to that of being with friends or family. I think that I am my own best friend which is a good thing but as the quote says, it can be addicting and like I sometimes say, I’m a recluse or at least feel like one at other times. I’ve come up with a solution to this predicament. I’m really going to make an effort to spend more time with people to break this monotony because both is needed to make me a complete person. However, home is where my heart is.

My bouts of solitude has made me stronger and fully capable of dealing with what life throws my way. There is strength in solitude so seek it, use it and learn that there is a source you can go to when life decides it’s that time again. What time? Time to learn another lesson and before you go, “Oh no!” make solitude your friend and ally and things will start looking up.

“Make yourself a priority once in a while. It’s not selfish. It’s necessary.” Unknown

AND

“I’m not Anti-Social. I’m Pro-Solitude.” Unknown

Have an amazing day.

What Ifs (Archives)

The dictionary defines a WHAT-IF as a “question that asks someone to imagine what might happen or what might have happened.” Life is full of what-ifs and some of us live our lives carrying that load around knowing full well that it will never become a reality.

We carry the “what ifs” of the past, present and the future that makes life a caricature of what it should be. We whip out the “what ifs” of yesterday to justify where we are today and they affect your present and future like a ripple effect.

We ask:

What if we had stayed together? Life would be so much better today wouldn’t it? Well would it?

What if he/she hadn’t died on me? We would have a wonderful life today. Is that guaranteed or just make-believe?

What if I hadn’t done X, Y, or Z, I would have a completely different life now. Really?

What ifs are suppositions that tend to paint our world in make-believe colors, whatever they may be. The fact is ‘what ifs’ can’t change what has happened and there are no guarantees that if they hadn’t happened, we would be in a different place today. Whatever happened, it happened and for whatever the reason. It was bad but there is no going back. It is a part of the past, accept it and move on.

“That’s the thing about ‘what ifs’; they don’t matter. They don’t change anything. All they do is make it unable for you to heal.” Lindy Zart

So you loved someone with all your heart and that person left you, it happened and they live on in memories nothing more. Accept it and move on. YOU have a life to live.

Someone hurt you in the past. They knew what they were doing but you don’t have to keep paying a price for their meanness. They will reap what they sowed at some point in time. Remember what goes around comes around. Yours is not to ask when or how. All in good time. Let it go and heal.

Life happened and threw you a curveball and you are still asking what if? It doesn’t matter but what matters is that you are in the here and now and those ‘what ifs’ don’t matter anymore only if you let them.

“What” and “if” are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life.” Unknown

What if? What if? What if?

Let’s change it to “Why not.”

Why not have a great life? You deserve it don’t you?

Why not leave the past behind you where it belongs? The dead do the haunting not the living. Let it be.

Why not laugh, smile, jump for joy, live and move on? It is your right to do so, isn’t it?

Leave the ‘what ifs’ where they belong. Not in the past, not in the present and not in the future. However, if it keeps bugging you, ask “now what?” Stay in the present and look towards the future and you’ll be just fine. Let’s give the pesky ‘what ifs’ a heave ho and right out the door!

Have an amazing day.

Einstein’s Check Up

Photo by Ermelinda Maglione on Pexels.com

Every year, Chachi, the cat or Einstein as he likes to be called gets a thorough check up. This involves everything and I mean everything.

I don’t look forward to it because Einstein usually has a panic attack and me more so. It takes preparation and lots of it. I trim his nails, give him a good cleaning and his coat gets a thorough brushing the day before the check up. The dining area needs to prepared. I usually lay a blanket on the table and his cat pass is close by.

This year was different. Half an hour before the vet showed up, I put Einstein in his carrier. He immediately put up a fight and let out a heart-wrenching meow. I spoke softly to calm him down but he kept on meowing making a strange sound. He wanted out of his confined space and pronto! When that didn’t work, he went quiet and bided his time till he could show me just how much he hated this procedure.

The vet showed up on time and we brought Einstein to the dining room area. However, the little guy was more than ready. The minute I unzipped the carrier, he took off like a bullet. The only room he could escape to was the fireplace area. He wasted no time doing just that. Taking refuge behind the sofa, he stayed there as quiet as a mouse. The vet decided to step in and somehow managed to grab him and brought him back to the table. It might have gone smoother had we gone to the vet’s office but too late now!

The vet proceeded to check Einstein’s ears, his teeth, his eyes and finally his butt! It was an all clear and then it was time to give him his yearly shot. I thought here we go again! However, Einstein decided to play dead and took it like a champ. The last part was the deworming pill and that was it. I picked Einstein up but I noticed that he had flattened the top of his head and his ears were pointing outwards like a little Yoda. What came next was totally unexpected. Einstein decided to show me just how PISSED off he was! He scratched me on the collarbone as I opened the door to let him out. He was gone in a blinding second as he dashed up the stairs and into the bedroom.

Shaking his head, the vet said cats are unpredictable creatures and they love to scratch and bite. The problem is Einstein never scratches but I guess he decided to show me that he was just going to put up with so much and NO MORE! The rest of the day was calm but Einstein kept his distance eyeing me with suspicion each time our eyes locked. It took a while before he thawed out and by bedtime, he snuggled up to me and spent the rest of the night there saying, “A cat’s life is not easy especially when you’ve got a human loving the hell out of you!”

This year done, next year is another story.

Cat Fact: Once you own a cat, the probability that you bring up cats in conversation increases by 200%.

@mickeyandmort

Ain’t that the truth!

When Life Was Simple (Archives)

A Series on Getting Back on Track

“Things to Remember”

Eat regularly (and well)

Get enough sleep

Sometimes being a bitch is necessary

Stop talking and listen

Don’t take anyone’s shit

Things WILL get better

If someone can’t make the effort to be in your life – they don’t deserve to be there.

It only ends once, everything else is just progress.

A good cup of tea can solve just about anything.

Stick to your guns.

Impromptu solo dance parties are good for your health.

Spend time with the people who matter the most.” Unknown

I remember a time when life was simple. Having my head in the clouds and my feet on the ground was a daily and joyous norm for me. Twirling on my toes, watching clouds go by on my back and chasing rainbows and dreams was what life was about way back when I was young and life was simple.

Splashing in duck puddles on a rainy day with only the ducks for company was absolute heaven. Covered in mud from head to toe and looking like a gypsy was a badge I wore with pride. Talking to unseen beings who only existed in my mind didn’t matter because it made life simple.

Chasing rainbow colored fish in a dirty stream made it the absolute highlight of my day and when I had a few wriggling in my hands with the sunlight reflecting off their multi-hued bodies made it even more so. Boys….hmm….boys were of no importance except as buddies. They did not have the power to touch my heart but that was way back when things were simple and I had wings.

Dancing in the rain, jumping over puddles of water and squealing with laughter meant I was one with nature. Anger, hurt and pain were unknown in a life where nothing mattered except for the magic I created within myself. Joy was an everyday occurrence but it became a thing of the past. It was way back when things were simple. I am a grown-up now.

Adulthood is defined as or means that, “they are an adult or that they behave in a responsible way.”

Someone asked me not too long ago why I couldn’t behave the same way. The answer is simple. Grown-ups or adults behave in a specific way. Propriety demands that I “conform to what is socially acceptable in conduct or speech.”

Going back to the quote I started out with, I will choose a few I can live with.

“Sometimes being a bitch is necessary.” This is an alien concept to me as being a “bitch” is way beyond my grasp of being a good person. Lately, I am learning that it is a necessary step to where I want to get to in my journey of life. A bitch is applied to a woman and defined as “someone, who is belligerent, unreasonable, malicious, controlling, aggressive or dominant.” Perhaps I need to apply this concept on my way to arriving at my end goal. Life is not that simple anymore.

“If someone can’t make the effort to be in your life – they don’t deserve to be there.” This is a hard one. Where once “men” were of no consequence, growing up means learning to deal with this species. If you thought women were difficult to comprehend, try dealing with this group! The end point is, if they can’t be bothered to be in your life and every effort is just lukewarm or worse cold then it is time to put your “bitch” shoes on and move on. Life is too short and neither is it just in black and white. It is complicated enough as it is and perhaps we make it more complicated. It boils down to, if you can’t make an effort, it is time for you to go.

Last but not least, “Spend time with people who matter most.” These are people who show up when times are tough. The ones who are not just “fair weather friends” but who are there without being asked. Get rid of the liars, the ones who have lying built into their DNA, this is a necessary step in making your life simple again. Liars are not worthy of your time and space because they say one thing and behave as if you don’t matter. Walk and don’t look back!

“The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak.” Hans Hofmann

Looks easy enough doesn’t it but believe me it is not. You can get back to the basics. You can still dance in the rain, imagine yourself splashing in puddles and envision yourself in a much simpler time and place. Truth is it takes imagination, hard work, determination and courage to get back to that place of simplicity. Complicated is just in your mind.

Have an amazing day.

The Awakening

This one is embarrassing. The best compliment I’ve ever received was when I was in my early 20s and it was given to me by a group of businessmen.

I was in Singapore at the time and in McDonalds meeting a girlfriend for lunch. Sitting behind us was a group of men in suits. They kept staring but I didn’t pay it much mind. After 20 minutes they got up and left. I was glad because they made me uneasy for some reason. A few minutes later they walked back in. There were about 10 of them altogether so I froze in mid-conversation. They walked to our table, one guy had a single rose in his hand and an envelope. He didn’t say a word as he handed me both, smiled and they left. The place was eerily quiet as everyone glanced over at us.

I opened the envelope and there was a card in it. It said:

“To the most beautiful girl in Singapore.”

It also contained 30 dollars to pay for lunch I guess. Nothing else. No telephone number nothing. I never saw them again but that chance meeting has stayed in my memory because it literally blew my mind!

I was a wild child in my teens running around barefoot in the forest and playing with the ducks and most days I was covered with mud from head to toe but I loved it. I blossomed when I was 16 and those things were put aside. I never thought of myself as a beauty but things changed. I went from being a tomboy to a quiet young woman. More introvert than anything else. That compliment was my awakening to a different world. Beauty is more than a buzz word, beauty is power in some cases. These days they still tell me I am attractive but I march to a different drumbeat. It is more about the inner beauty and not about the fading kind.

Daily writing prompt

What was the best compliment you’ve received?

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The Hard Things (Archives)

Most of us cringe at the thought of doing the hard things. Be it a break-up, walking away, losing a job or letting go of things that no longer serve us, it is an exceptionally hard thing to do. It is not something we look forward to because it means taking the bull by the horns and waging war on what seems to be an impossible task at first. Given time, patience, perseverance and a hard-headed look at what needs to be done to get to the other side, we find it is doable but not easy.

Easy is not what life is about. If anything, easy is not in its vocabulary. It seems at times that “living” is about going through the hard stuff. Sometimes one and sometimes a string of unsolvable and often times impossible situations but you and I know that it is those hard times and how you deal with it that brings out the strength in us. Sure, it would be easier if we didn’t have to deal with them but when has that stopped life from throwing the hard stuff our way?

Where would we be without them? Probably having a great time without having to walk through the minefield of the hard stuff all equipped and designed to bring you down to your knees if you make a false move. There is no right or wrong way of going about it, it is trial and error and an undying resilience to take what is handed to you and to make it work for you. We’ve all made those false moves where we’ve crashed and burned and just when you think there is nothing left to do except to pick up the pieces and make the most of it, there is light at the end of the dark tunnel. There is that open door that beckons because as you know when one door closes another one opens but it is human nature or at least it is mine to look past it and back at the one that has closed and is no longer available.

“Hard things are hard because there are no easy answers or recipes. They are hard because your emotions are at odds with your logic. They are hard because you don’t know the answer and you cannot ask for help without showing weakness.” Ben Horowitz

The hard stuff has kept me captive for longer than I want to admit. Truth is, I don’t do “HARD” well. Holding on is my nemesis, letting go of things that no longer serve me is harder still and moving on, well that is an impossible task at times. I hold on hoping that changes will come my way but it never does. Things happen for a reason, people are the way they are because they are wired that way and looking and hoping is not going to change things. However, whatever life throws your way, there is a lesson in there somewhere but it is hard to see when it first hits you. I think we fail miserably at times because we walk in circles, bang our heads on that closed door and refuse to move on until we are drained of energy and there is nothing else to do but to walk through that open door. Human nature at its best? I think so.

We are fully capable and have the strength within to meet the hard stuff head on and to tame it if necessary. It is the fear of the unknown in sync with the weakness within that works hand-in-hand to stop us in our tracks, makes us tremble where we stand as we whisper, I can’t. You and I have had our baptism by fire in one form or another, of this I am sure. The hard thing is just one more obstacle to overcome, nothing more, nothing less. We tend to make it more than what it is. Life is a never-ending circle of challenges in the form of “hard things” to overcome. It is mixed in with the good stuff but it is the hard stuff that brings forth the real you. Your strength, your power and most of all your ability to slay it where it stands takes courage, growth and an attitude of never giving up which will put the “hard stuff” in its place. Who knows if shown the door more often than not, it might decide to stay away. We can hope can’t we?

“I see your fear, and it’s big. I also see your courage, and it’s bigger. We can do hard things.” Glennon Doyle

Have an amazing day.

The Most Confident Person I Know

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

This is a hard one and this early in the morning? My mind is doing a scramble to unravel that mystery because I’ve known many people in my life who seemed very confident and had a handle on this thing called life.

If I had to narrow it down to one person, I would say it was my mom. She is no longer here but her presence remains and is a constant reminder that I can do all things as she did in her life. She was a petite person but a giant when it came to raising her children. Some would call her an “helicopter mom” because her life was based around us and she was constantly looking out for us but when it came to parenting, she was a one woman parenting machine! I take many of my cues from her when it comes to my son and the questions he has. She had answers to every question and believe me there were many many questions!

Part of that parenting system didn’t cater to a rambunctious young girl because I wanted things my way but she stood her ground. She stood up to adversity like a pro and challenges were just that, something to be conquered or handled and that was it. No berating herself like I do. I remember her standing tall even at the worst times in her life and even when her life came to an end because someone chose to end it, she put up a fight. She was and is, the most confident person I know and have known. She had faith in herself and in God and these two things combined together were an unbeatable team. I am confident but nowhere close to where she was but I am learning to embrace my own strength and I see confidence in how I handle things as well. Perhaps the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree as they say.

Toxic People (Archives)

We’ve met them, had to deal with them and been in relationships with them. I’m talking about toxic people. We’ve suffered the consequences but still carried on hoping that change would come. It never does. The outcome is always the same. It is often accompanied by pain and confusion. I’ve come to the conclusion that there is little you can do to change a ‘toxic’ person but you can protect yourself.

In order to deal with a toxic person you need to know their modus operandi or rather how they operate in their world. According to The Mind Journal, there are six types of toxic people.

THE NARCISSIST

Only cares about themselves

Lacks empathy

Truly believes they are better than everyone around them.

THE CONTROLLER

Tries to control everything around them.

Needs to be in charge of every decision.

Makes you feel like you can’t do anything right.

THE DRAMA MAGNET

Feeds off of gossip and drama

Drama seems to ‘follow them’ (they create it).

Puts you in uncomfortable positions.

THE ENERGY VAMPIRE

Drains you of energy, overwhelms you.

Creates problems and feeds on the negativity.

Criticizes and bullies you.

THE COMPULSIVE LIAR

Tells white lies constantly.

Manipulates and gaslights you.

Master of guilt trips.

THE GREEN EYED

Cannot be happy for other people’s good fortune.

Plays the victim

Minimizes other people to feel better about themselves.

These people often bring conflict, negativity and confusion not to mention pain into your life. Dealing with them is like walking on a minefield not suspecting anything would go wrong but eventually it does because they are wired a certain way. They are manipulative, oftentimes abusive and they will find ways to justify their behavior. Remorse never crosses their mind and taking accountability for their actions is a never never thing. They usually take without giving back.

“Just remember, we are all toxic. Every single human being is capable of being toxic, has been, currently is at times.

But some people have the desire to be educated on it and do better while others will ignore any accountability and continue to act the same way.”

Pay Attention

It is not clear why we keep doing circles around toxic people? Perhaps it has something to do with stupidity and the definition of stupid goes like this.

“Knowing the truth, seeing the truth, but still believing the lies.” Unknown

Toxic people for all their flaws can be magnetic. They tend to pull you in and make you want to stay for awhile and if love is involved, it brings a whole new dimension with it.

“Love is 50% stupid and 50% brilliant. The challenge is figuring out which part of it you’re experiencing at any given moment.” Unknown

Once you’ve figured out that you’ve hitched your yoke to a toxic person and don’t know what to do, the following quote might just help.

You don’t ever have to feel guilty about Removing Toxic People From Your Life.

“It doesn’t matter whether someone is a relative, romantic interest, employer, childhood friend, or a new acquaintance, you don’t have to make room for people who cause you pain or make you feel small. It’s one thing if a person owns up to their behavior and makes an effort to change. But if a person disregards your feelings, ignores your boundaries, and “continues” to treat you in a harmful way, they need to go.” Unknown

Painful but short and sweet and perhaps this is the only language that ‘toxic’ people understand. Unfortunately.

Have an amazing day.

Bullying

“We explain when someone is cruel or acts like a bully, you do not stoop to their level. Our motto is when they go low, you go high.” Michelle Obama

I loved this quote but it does not always work.

Desmond Tutu said it better.

“If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor.”

Bullying is defined as, “behavior directed toward one or more individuals that is meant to insult, demean, or intimidate.” BetterHelp

We saw bullying of the highest order being played out on the world stage by the current occupant of the White House not too long ago. Bullying is and was his weapon to get what he wants. Playing “king” and telling the world how the game is played is his megaphone and he decided to “Huff, Puff and Blow the House Down!” like the Big Bad Wolf in the fable, “The Three Little Pigs.” The wolf did his damnedest but the third pig gave him a run for the money just like Canada is doing right now. Their motto is, “United We Stand, Divided We Fall,” and it seems to be working. Bullies may roar and act like they have the upper hand but when you stand up to them, they run off and hide. However, there are the diehards whose only goal in life is to bring someone down. There are different types of bullying. “Physical bullying is when bullies hurt their targets physically. Verbal bullying is taunting or teasing someone. Psychological bullying is gossiping about or excluding someone and Cyberbullying is when bullies use the internet and social media and say things they might not say in person.” (kidshealth.org)

I met my bully in elementary school. She was tiny, dirty-looking and her clothes were torn and tattered. I held out my hand with a smile and said “Hello.” The next thing I knew I was on the ground writhing in pain. She stood over me grinning as she stood shaking her fist at me, the same one that had caused such severe pain. She put the fear of the devil in me that day and it would go on for weeks to come.

Playing on the grassy slope became a nightmare situation, waiting for the schoolbus after school was more so and going to the bathroom more than a nightmare. I didn’t understand why she was picking on me only that I was no longer safe. I came up with all kinds of excuses to stay home but that didn’t work. A few weeks later I had enough. It was time to do something! She showed up as usual, a knowing smile plastered on her face but I was prepared this time. Just as she reached out to push me down the slope, I turned the table on her. I pushed as hard as I could and watched as she tumbled down the slope. As she stood up, I noticed blood dribbling down her chin and a front tooth was missing! She looked at me with disbelief but there was something more. The next day she showed up on that slope with new found respect on her face. I apologized and it was the start of an unlikely friendship. Her mom had passed away and she was left on her own most days. She also had to help with household chores and even do the cooking at times. A life so different from mine. I still had my childhood before me but hers was hanging in the balance. We remained friends until I moved away but I still think about her sometimes and wonder if she made it in life. I hope she did.

How do you deal with bullies?

Talk to someone about what is going on.

Ignore the bully and walk away.

Walk tall and hold your head high.

Stop being too nice!

Don’t get physical. This worked for me but not always.

Try to talk to the bully.

Practice confidence and fake it if you have to!

Bullies are everywhere as we saw not so long ago and they could come from the highest office in the land as well. It takes more than guts to stand up to a bully. Sometimes it takes cunning and inner strength to weather the storm as Canada is doing right now. Pick and choose your battle carefully, learn what it takes to stand up for your rights and hold your head up high. Confidence is a “bully” buster in more ways than one!

The Impossible?

If I had to write a letter to my 100-year-old self, I would say you made it to the impossible! I didn’t think you would make it to such a grand old age and never wanted to but here you are and here goes…..

Dear Self,

First of all, you are looking good in spite of the wrinkles, the bald spot and the toothless grin! The outward appearance doesn’t signify the inside. There is tremendous wisdom within that years of living “life” has instilled. You are no longer afraid and fear has taken a back seat and in its place is a sense of peace, calm and joy. It took a long time getting there but you made it. I see a person who is frail but the frailty is just the appearance and doesn’t speak for the person within.

You lived a life filled with challenges and took each one as it came and mastered it or maybe not mastered it but you did the best you could with it. You never gave up and that my dear 100-year-old self speaks to who you are. You are strong, you are capable and like the tree in the storm you bent when you needed to and you swayed when you needed to but you never broke. If you did break at some point, you put yourself back together again and stood back up stronger and more beautiful than ever. Looking at you I don’t see what age has done to you but I see the beauty within, the strength within and a spirit that refuses to be broken even now.

Here’s to you, may you live a long and peaceful life and if it means another 100 added on than so be it. You can weather whatever comes your way.

Your proud self.

Daily writing prompt

Write a letter to your 100-year-old self.

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