A man is talking to the family doctor, “Doc, I think my wife’s going deaf.”
The doctor answers, “Well, here’s something you can try on her to test her hearing. Stand some distance away from her and ask her a question. If she doesn’t answer, move a little closer and ask again. Keep repeating this until she answers. Then you’ll be able to tell just how hard of hearing she really is.”
The man goes home and tries it out.
He walks in the door and says, “Honey, what’s for dinner?”
He doesn’t hear an answer, so he moves closer to her.
“Honey, what’s for dinner?” Still no answer.
He repeats this several times until he’s standing just a few feet away from her.
Finally, she answers,
“For the eleventh time, I said we’re having MEATLOAF!”
It’s another Sunday morning and I had a sleepless night. Chachi, the cat, was in his element and sleep was the farthest thing on his mind! The little brat decided that he was going to do one better than Cristiano Ronaldo on doing the “bicycle kick!”
He spent most of the night dribbling dry kernels of food and dashing from room to room. Then he did the hoops, not a pretty sight as the little guy is a tad overweight and lands with a heavy thud every time he tries that move. If that wasn’t enough, he would run across the room meowing loudly, “Watch me mommy!” Lord, have mercy. I decided to let him have his way. He’ll eventually run out of energy but that’s where I was wrong. He was like an eveready battery with enormous amounts of energy. Note to self: Cut back on feeding him too much!
Just as I was dozing off, he jumped on the bed, came over and pressed his face on my face and rubbed it all over with his whiskers! I found out that he was marking his territory or rather his property! Cats! They’re the only household pets who need “property.” The others are contend with being fed and taken care of but this breed needs property to feel secure and to know that they have the upper hand!
After a while of listening to his loud purring, I told him to go to bed. “No way!” was his answer. It was time for another round of football and this time he upped it. He was going for Ronaldo’s bicycle kick and I must say, it was pure perfection! The Little Butterball was having the time of his life and me, not so much!
Finally, I gave up and fell asleep. This morning, the floor was covered with dried pellets of food and the little thing was fast asleep in his bed looking absolutely adorable and purring up a storm. It was time to clean up the mess so I did. What’s this thing about football? I don’t know but this little guy could give Cristiano Ronaldo a run for the money!
A man went to the doctor’s office to get a double dose of Viagra.
The doctor told him that he couldn’t allow him a double dose.
“Why not?” asked the man.
“Because it’s not safe,” replied the doctor.
“But I need it really bad,” said the man.
“Well, why do you need it so badly?” asked the doctor.
The man said, “My girlfriend is coming into town on Friday; my ex-wife will be here on Saturday; and my wife is coming home on Sunday. Can’t you see? I must have a double dose.”
The doctor finally relented saying, “Okay, I’ll give it to you, but you have to come in on Monday morning so that I can check you to see if there are any side effects.”
On Monday, the man dragged himself in; his arm in a sling.
A church-going man who’d been faithful to his wife for 40 years died and found himself in Heaven. Since his widow was still alive back on Earth, he was given a snug little hut to live in and a refrigerator with food and soft drinks.
One day, while he was strolling about, he saw a man he knew to be a total scoundrel – the guy had embezzled money, gambled himself deep in debt, drank like a fish, philandered all over town, and left multiple illegitimate children in his wake. He had a beautiful blonde girl on one arm and was carrying a bottle of Chivas Regal.
Enraged, the pious man went straight to Saint Peter and demanded an explanation. “I spent my life doing right by everything and I’m in this little hut with nothing special. That scoundrel drank, gambled, cheated, and stole – and you gave him a gorgeous girl and fancy whiskey!” Saint Peter didn’t flinch. “Stay calm. It’s not as it appears. He’s got a bottle of Chivas Regal with a hole in it and a beautiful girl without one.”
Yup there is always a silver lining or things don’t always seem as they are!
I’ve written about the different types of individuals who are out there on the dating circuit. The narcissists, the scammers, the cheaters, the old men pretending to be 30 again, and a whole host of others that I know are out there but I haven’t met yet and I hope I never do! The aforementioned types give dating a bad name.
Anyway, I went out on this date last week. He seemed nice enough. A medical doctor with an impressive list of achievements to his name. He walked in carrying a bouquet of flowers and with a smile plastered on his face. Three hours into the breakfast date, we were still talking. I had to cut it short so he walked me to the car, gave me a hug, a kiss on the cheek and with a, “We’ll talk later,” and went on his way. My thought at the time, “nice guy” except for the fact that he kept telling me that he had a whole slew of women vying for his attention. Hmm…that was a red flag, but I tossed it aside.
The next day, we talked on the phone and he said, “It was a nice meeting. I want to get to know you better. I have a guest bedroom at my place and you can stay there for the weekend. I promise nothing will happen.”
He seemed harmless enough but I knew that there was no way I was going to spend a weekend at his place, no way in hell! I decided to play it out. We’ve been talking everyday since then, just friendly talk. Then it changed yesterday.
The phone call came as usual. He started out with, “I want to be honest with you. I’m not the faithful type.”
ME: “You mean you were unfaithful in your marriage?
HIM: “I’ve always been unfaithful. I think there is a difference between loyalty and being faithful.”
All the alarm bells were going off and screaming “High Alert!”
ME: “What do you mean? If you’re with someone, you are with that person. There is no room for cheating.”
HIM: “I want to be honest with you. If I’m with you, my feelings will remain with you but if someone walks in and I want to have SEX with that person, it means nothing. IT IS JUST SEX, nothing more, nothing less!”
Where do I find these guys?!! Exactly my question. The problem is he didn’t see the stick stuck so far up my you know what and neither did he see all the doors slamming shut on him! I listened and then it was time to put him out of his misery.
ME: “This is not for me. Cheaters are not my cup of tea, coffee or whatever else! You do you and I’ll do me.”
HIM: “Once we are together, I think it will change. I THINK I will be faithful BUT I don’t know. I really don’t know.”
He was being honest but I started wondering how many marriages out there are running on this same concept. The “having your cake and eating it too,” concept. I know it is not for me. Either be with me 100% or take a hike!
Another one bites the dust. Onwards and forwards. This dating thing is more than a headache and a half!
Married for 60 years, they had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.
For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.
In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife’s bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totalling $95,000.
He asked her about the contents.
“When we were to be married,’ she said, ‘ my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.’
The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.
‘Honey,’ he said, ‘that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?’
‘Oh,’ she said, ‘that’s the money I made from selling the dolls.
Sometimes we think that silence is just that, a certain quietness where nothing happens. It is a void that is soothing but nothing much comes out of it. I beg to differ. I have found that if you listen carefully, “silence” has much to say.
“It’s been said that actions speak louder than words, sometimes, it’s what you don’t say or do, that sends the loudest message.” Carlos Wallace
Quite often when something doesn’t go our way and we are hurt by another’s actions or words, the first reaction is to let it rip. Let it all out and show them how you feel and during those moments, words are aplenty and so are emotions. However, when all is said and done and you are wrung dry, more often than not you realize that you didn’t achieve anything through those outbursts of the unsavory kind.
“Once you’ve matured, you realize silence is more powerful than proving a point.” Unknown
Maturity doesn’t show up wearing bells and it does not say, “Here I am, take me and use me.” It shows up when you least expect it and when you’ve gone though the growing up process. The one that takes you on the ups and downs, the one where you find yourself down on your knees and the one that shows you there is a better way of doing things without going ballistic. It is the quiet gentle knowledge of knowing that you deserve better and you will move on with grace. No shouting or being loud needed.
“And suddenly I stopped explaining, stopped fixing, and just moved on. I learned that silence speaks louder than words. No response is a response. Now, I don’t chase. I don’t care and I let people feel the weight of their own choices.” Unknown
Easier said than done? I know because I’ve been there. Things are hard and life is harder still but learning to navigate choppy waters is a must if you want life to let up on you. If something doesn’t go your way, take it in stride. If someone doesn’t choose you, let him or her go. If life isn’t going like it’s supposed to, stop, take note, and then move on knowing that whatever it is that life throws your way, you are fully capable of handling it. Let silence be your guide and your best friend. There is much to be learned during your bout with silence if you’ll only listen.
“Silence is not empty, it is the loudest answer.” Unknown
Not only that, it gives you the ability to get your message across WITHOUT SAYING A WORD!
Try it the next time you want to let someone have what is coming to them or you are chomping at the bit to say your piece. Stop and move in silence.
Site Title 