Mental health – Page 10

The Problem Makers

There are problem makers and then there are problem makers.

“Avoid people who mess with your head. Avoid people who intentionally and repeatedly do and say things that they know upset you. Avoid people who expect you to prioritize them but refuse to prioritize you. Avoid people who can’t and won’t apologize sincerely. AVOID. AVOID. AVOID.” Unknown

AND

“There are some people who always seem angry and continuously look for conflict. Walk away the battle they are fighting isn’t with you, it is with themselves.” Unknown

I’ve met some of those people along the way and they are the people problem makers. However, there is another kind of problem making that is much more incendiary and if allowed to, it has the power to drive you insane at times and at other times, you wonder if you’re coming or going. I’m talking about the “what if” scenarios that we are so capable of creating in our minds. The destructive kind.

“What ifs” have the potential to bring you down if used too often. It leads to heightened anxiety, it appears replaying unwanted scenarios in your head and it is known to erode self-confidence and it brings about self-doubt.

“What” and “if” are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life.” Unknown

What if? What if? What if?

“Change your what ifs to even ifs and stop giving power to worry.” Mya Ramirez.

I had a heart-to-heart with someone close yesterday and the conversation centered around all the “what ifs.” What if things go wrong?” What if the outcome is not what I want?” “What if changes are coming?” You guessed it, those questions were all coming from my side. He listened quietly and asked, “Why are you so afraid and WHY are you having all these checkups done? Whatever comes, it comes.” He has this que sera sera attitude about life and whatever comes his way, he lets it roll over like water over a duck’s back. He seems to be living a worry-free life with that attitude of his. I, on the other hand, jump at every problem and let it take me for a ride for as long as it wants to. The end result, total exhaustion and a frazzled mind.

The talk did some good. It made me step back from my doomsday, “What if” scenarios and to take a good hard look at my problem and to come up with some positive solutions. One of those solutions is not to jump the gun. My worries will not change a thing but my efforts at doing what is necessary to minimize the damage may put a positive spin on the whole thing.

“The what-if’s and the should-have’s will eat your brain.” John O’Callaghan

And if by chance the same old question creeps around, this next quote might just help.

“What if I fall?

Oh, but my darling, what if you fly?” Unknown

Have an amazing day.

The Fear Factor

“F-E-A-R has two meanings: “Forget Everything And Run” or “Face Everything And Rise.” The choice is yours.” Zig Ziglar

This is an interesting quote. I guess it comes down to how you want to handle fear. My first option has always been the first one. I don’t know when fear walked in and decided to take a permanent place in my life but it did and stayed for a very long time. When murder walked in and took my mother’s life, I knew just how powerful “fear” was. My life as I knew it disappeared and fear and danger were everywhere. I had changed from that fearless young girl who had once roamed the woods alone to a young woman who feared anything and everyone. This was the psychological toll that the murder had on me. Another one would follow in its wake but one was enough to turn my world upside down and to put “fear” at the helm of my existence.

“Don’t be ashamed of being scared. To be afraid is a sign of common sense. Only complete idiots are not afraid of anything.” Carlos Ruiz Zafon

It took a long time and it took lots of work to step out from the shadows of fear. However, it never fully let go of the grip it had on me. Courage, strength, grit and focus were the tools that helped me to stand back up and to face life on its own terms.

“Courage is not the absence of fear, it is the ability to act in the presence of fear.” Bruce Lee

This latest onslaught on my psyche has been a big one. The unknown is scary and listening to the doctor drone on about tests has brought the fears back, the ones I’ve been working on to eradicate and the ones I thought I had conquered. Now, they’re staring me in the face and I want to do this. “Forget Everything and Run!” A part of me wants to give up and run but the other part, the one that has fought numerous battles and survived wants to take on this latest challenge and emerge the winner.

“Whenever you find yourself doubting how far you can go, just remember how far you have come. Remember everything you faced, all the battles you have won and all the fears you have overcome.”

September 4th is D-Day. The all-important test will take place and it will determine how my life will change and what comes after. Fear? Yes, it’s there, in fact it is holding my hand right now. I hate that fear is back and holding court and courage has taken a backseat. I’m hoping that the inner spark, the inner light, the warrior within will step forward and sent it packing but it is going to take some time.

“To me fearless isn’t not having fears, It’s not that you’re afraid of anything. I think that being fearless is having a lot of fears, but you jump anyway.” Taylor Swift

So, I’m jumping into the unknown with both eyes open. Whatever comes I will face it head on and I will walk with my head held high as I have in times past. This journey of self-discovery I have been on has taught me that there is incredible strength within and it shows up when you least expect it AND it has the power to overcome the unimaginable. I hope it shows up wearing bells and shows “fear” the door. I can only hope.

Have an amazing day.

A Gorgeous Morning

I made it early to the fields this morning and the sun was already high up in the sky after hiding for several days. We’ve had rain, wind, and more rain. I decided to take advantage of the nice weather before everybody else had the same idea. Unfortunately, there were people already there with the same idea in mind!

The fields were like they used to be but only this time it looked a little untidy. What happened to the regimented way of caring for nature? The farmers around here keep it in tip-top form but it seems like they’ve let go for a little while. The Rapeseed plants are still there reaching to the skies, no longer pretty but dull and brown. The pathway I was on was narrow and on both sides the plants stood unrelenting and covering my view. A feeling of claustrophobia knocked at my door but I took a deep breath and kept on walking. I needed to be outside today and I needed nature to do its thing of calming me.

I was told to watch out for deer among the plants. It seems they sit crouched within the plants with only their brown backs showing. “Be careful,” was the message because they do jump out at times and if you’re in the way, well you know. So I kept my eyes peeled but nothing seemed to spell trouble. It was quiet out and the air was crisp and fresh, the way I like it. I decided to go by the forest way just for a change and although it is not my favorite route, I decided that the quiet and calm would do me good. It did. There was something soothing about the birds chirping in the trees and a lone Woody Woodpecker knocking at some tree trunk. I couldn’t see it but it was there and although it was loud, I took it in stride. Anything to keep my mind from thinking!

Then I saw it, a lone blue Heron standing all by itself in the middle of the field like a lone sentinel keeping watch. A sign of a good omen? Certain cultures swear that a heron sighting brings good luck. Fingers crossed! As I passed it, I sensed it watching me but it made no move to leave and I left it there to enjoy the morning as I was doing. Walks in nature are a great way to refresh the soul, to put a different perspective on things and to calm an agitated mind. It was doing all that this morning and then I noticed the dark clouds in the distance. I guess we’re not over the rain yet. Oh well, it’s time for another cup of coffee and to be thankful for all that I have especially the gorgeous fields that give me so much pleasure and peace.

Have an amazing day.

Outside Your Control

“When you can’t control what’s happening, challenge yourself to control the way you respond to what’s happening. That’s where your power is.” Unknown

There are situations and circumstances in life that you cannot control. This is nothing new and those unforeseen circumstances bring chaos and turbulence into our lives. We want to take what is handed to us and to make it better, to make it alright, take it back to where we started from, where everything had sunshine and smiles around it but somehow, it just doesn’t work. What if it’s not you? What if the problem isn’t you? There are times when no matter how hard you try, there is no making the situation better. You can’t control what is outside your control.

“Nothing kills you faster than your own mind.

Don’t stress over things that are out of your control.” Unknown

What are those things that you can’t control?

Basically it boils down to, “things that have happened that someone cannot change or influence.”

It is done, it is all water under the bridge and it has moved on leaving you to deal with the aftermath. Instead of letting go and taking it in stride, the human psyche goes into damage control. Quite often it comes in the form of trying to control the situation. We want to bring back whatever we think we’ve lost. We want that person back, not that they were good for us in the first place but because we want what we can’t have. Most of all, we want to control the narrative, we want to change the story and we want to control what is outside our control.

“It’s not what you say to everyone else that determines your life, it’s what you whisper to yourself that has the greatest power.” Unknown

Let it go. Stop trying to control what you can’t control and take control of what you can. That’s a winning strategy right now.

According to diversushealth.org, determine what you can control and work on it.

Examples are:

How you respond to emotions and painful feelings.

How you respond to memories.

How you respond to negative thoughts.

IDENTIFY YOUR FEARS

Do you find your mind going to the worst possible scenario? Do you doubt your ability to cope if something bad happens?

SHIFT YOUR ENERGY TOWARD PROBLEM SOLVING

Replaying the past or dwelling on catastrophic outcomes usually isn’t helpful. Problem solving is.

FOCUS ON YOUR INFLUENCE

What can you change? To have the most influence, focus on changing your behavior and reaction to events.

DEVELOP HEALTHY AFFIRMATIONS

Scientists estimate people have about 70,000 thoughts per day. (No wonder I get headaches!) Most of these thoughts incite self-doubt, fear, and discouragement.

Think, “I’m stronger than I think,” or “I can handle this,” or even “I can do this.” These affirmations help to drown out the negativity.

“Remember you alone get to choose what matters and what doesn’t. The meaning of everything in your life has precisely the meaning you give it.” Unknown

AND

“Just keep in mind: the more we value things outside of our control, the less control we have.” Epictetas

YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE. You are capable and you can handle anything that comes your way.

Have an amazing day.

A Smile a Day

You’ve heard the saying, “An apple a day keeps the doctor away?” Well, giving out smiles does that and more. A smile is an universal language that everyone understands. Furthermore, it helps to boost your mood, reduces stress and improves physical health because it releases endorphins, the good kind, that helps to enhance your mood and hype up the happiness factor. If it does all that for you, just imagine what it does for the person on the receiving end of that smile! You, my friend, can brighten up someone’s day just by turning on that smile so let’s look at some quotes that will help us do just that.

“Because of your smile, you make life more beautiful.” Thich Nhat Hanh

“It seems to me what we call beauty in a face lies in the smile.” Leo Tolstoy

I totally agree.

“The smile is the best accessory a person can wear.” Unknown

“Everyone smiles in the same language.” George Carlin

“Nothing you wear is more important than your smile.” Connie Stevens

“There are hundreds of languages in the world, but a smile speaks them all.” Unknown

Perfectly said!

“Sometimes it’s better to just remain Silent and Smile.” Unknown

“Keep smiling….and one day life will get tired of upsetting you.” Unknown

Hmm…fingers and toes crossed and I’m smiling for all I’m worth!

I love this last one.

“Smile! Happy looks good on you.”

I think it looks good on just about anybody. Pump up that smile, amp up that wattage and start giving smiles away!

Have an amazing day.

TOXIC PEOPLE (2)

“The same people who are candy to our eyes can be poison to our hearts. Study their ingredients before you feed them to your soul.” Unknown

Toxic people are everywhere. You can shut one out and another one appears. A toxic person is defined as, “someone whose behavior consistently causes negativity, stress, and emotional harm to those around them.” Their actions are unpredictable, they lack empathy and their self-centeredness is hard to comprehend but they are out there and their impact on others is emotional exhaustion, anxiety and stress.

What are some things that toxic people do?

They make you feel tense.

They put you down for no reason.

They talk down to you to make themselves feel better.

They only care about themselves.

They make you feel like you can’t do anything right.

They try to control everything.

Those are some of the things they do to make you feel small and to put you in your place, whatever they deem that to be. The problem is they are everywhere so how do you deal with them?

First, you have to learn that it’s not about them, it’s about you. STOP being available for their poison and shut it down. YOU can’t change them, you can only change yourself. Their power lies in your response to them. If you react, you lose, because they thrive on reaction. Remove that power and you’ve found a cure for the virus that they spread. It’s not that easy. Bring the focus back to you because YOU COUNT and YOU MATTER!

“A toxic person only changes their victims, never themselves.” Unknown

Stop letting them control your mind and start putting yourself first. The minute they realize they don’t have you under their power, they are off and running to their next victim.

“If you walked away from a toxic, negative, abusive, one-sided, dead-end low vibrational relationship – you won.” Lalah Delia

Stay calm and stop feeding the fire. Understand that their validation means nothing, their approval doesn’t hold power and their negativity is not going to bring you down. You are made of stronger stuff, so shut the door and move on.

“LIFE IS TOO SHORT to spend it with miserable people. Especially when they keep trying to explain why being miserable is normal, and why you don’t have other options.

There are 197 countries and over 7,8 billion people.

There are over 2,000 different fruits, you don’t need to stay stuck with a lemon.” Pamela Storch

Here’s how to move on. Never react, refuse to engage and stop expecting them to change. They won’t. Stop expecting anything from them. You owe yourself peace, calm, and a life free of manipulation and control. Remember there are better fruits out there than a lemon!

Have an amazing day.

Make Peace & Move On

Photo by Nicolas Postiglioni on Pexels.com

Making peace is necessary because it is a step in the right direction, that of moving on. It involves five steps to resolve a difficult situation and or experience.

You first have to acknowledge and confront your feelings.

Next, you have to understand why those feelings exist and how they are affecting you. This involves reaching in the past to see how it is affecting your present.

Forgiveness is next. This is hard to do. Sometimes it is impossible to forgive but if you’re up to it, forgive yourself and others for their part in causing you distress. Easier said than done I know.

Then comes letting go. This part is not easy either but it needs to be done to move forward. Release negative emotions and leave it behind you and don’t keep looking back at that closed door.

The final part is moving forward. You’ll have to find a way to live with what you’ve experienced without letting it dominate your life.

Making peace is a journey just like moving on is. You’ll have to take it one day at a time and be ready to stand back up if you take a fall which will happen. Sometimes it takes several falls before you find your way again.

Here are some quotes to help you on your way.

“One of the most courageous decisions you’ll ever make is to finally let go of what is hurting your heart and soul.” Brigitte Nicole

“It isn’t enough to talk about peace. One must believe in it. And it isn’t enough to believe in it. One must work at it.” Eleanor Roosevelt

“Closure happens right after you accept that letting go and moving on is more important than projecting a fantasy of how the relationship could have been.” Unknown

“If you don’t make peace with your past, it will keep showing up in your present.” Wayne Dyer

This is so true.

“Making peace with your past means:

Grieving the version of yourself who made different choices, lived with different perspectives, and walked a different path.” Unknown

MOVING ON…….

“You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation, trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could’ve, would’ve happened ….or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move on.” Tupac Shakur

Beautifully said.

Have an amazing day.

This Thing Called Love (5)

There was a darkness within her,

A storm behind her eyes,

She was complicated,

But simple,

Brave,

But terrified.

She had the heart of a mighty lion,

But deep inside she cried,

Her face was full of beauty,

Her head was full of lies,

And although the outside was pretty,

She was dead and empty inside.

Julie Addicott

Recognize her? I do. I was like her, one of the “walking dead.” We walk the earth as living, breathing human beings but inside, we are dead as a doornail. We are the ones who can’t let go and the ones who hold on to a past that had us in its grip in more ways than one. The ones who believed that love was forever and when it broke apart, we died inside.

I was that person. My eyes smiled but the inside was a cold and barren place. There was an iciness that no fire could thaw and no love could set ablaze. It was done and I moved slowly taking each day as it came, the guardian of a heart that no longer beat even though it was alive.

It took some time, a long time before I felt the thaw. Life was slowly being breathed back into me again. I don’t know what changed, I only know that I wasn’t afraid to embrace the unknown and I was ready to move forward, slowly but surely.

Then he walked in. We clicked immediately. My insides screamed that I knew him and I knew him well. I put it down to the similar experiences we had shared. He was a world traveler and we could talk for hours about a lot of things. Or could it be the gentle way he looked at me or even the way his hand would reach for mine when I wasn’t expecting it. Sometimes he would reach out and stroke my cheek or even the way we could sit for hours side by side without saying a word but feeling at home there. There was something about him that tugged at my heart. Could it be that he was hiding secrets my heart didn’t see? It was a dance of getting close, and moving apart. It was lovely, chaotic and beautiful all rolled into one. Those feelings I had left behind were front and center again and after having been in the desert of nothingness, I was coming alive with him by my side.

Then one day, he said those words. The ones that made my heart skip a beat. “I LOVE YOU.” It wasn’t said in haste or as an afterthought and it seemed genuine enough but the next day, I would know why he had seemed familiar. He was one of the “walking dead.” When he realized that the feelings he had let die was now taking hold, he ran. I was ready but he wasn’t. We would carry on this dance of reaching out and pulling back, of wanting more but we knew that it was a fire that could sear if we let it burn. We went our separate ways only to return time after time. “We always keep coming back to each other and you’ve always been the one.” Those were his words.

A few weeks ago, he called and we talked, strangers once again. “I need to figure this out,” he said, his voice tinged with confusion. I understood it well. I had been there not too long ago. When he uttered those three little words, I knew that it would be just a matter of time before he would run in a different direction, one that didn’t involve feelings, this much thinking and one that wouldn’t include me. Love is scary when you’ve experienced the destruction it can bring.

I have a tendency to excuse bad behavior and this was more than that. He was unavailable and instead of staying in his lane, he crossed over. Luckily, I had been on my journey of self-discovery for some time and even though it hurt, it didn’t destroy me because I was emerging as a much stronger person than where I had started from.

This thing called love wears many faces and sometimes it hurts like hell. It is also not a, “one size fits all” kind of thing. It has its quirks, it has its ways and sometimes just when you think you’ve found what you’re looking for, it pulls the rug from under you. There’s no rhyme or reason for why this happens and there are no guarantees. Perhaps, it’s because some of us love too hard and go all in only to find that when it leaves with no goodbyes, we die a sudden death, one that leaves you breathing but dead inside.

Sad but this too is a thing called love.

LOL!

A man bought a Mercedes and took it out on the interstate late that night for a test drive to see what she could do so he decided to open her up. As the needle went pass 90 mph he suddenly saw flashing lights behind him. Thinking that a police car couldn’t keep up with a Mercedes he rapidly speeded up to 100, then 110 and finally to 120 with the flashing lights still behind him. Finally, he came to his senses and pulled over. After a minute or two, a big grumpy state trooper came up to the car and after taking his licence and registration said, “I’ve had a really tough shift and this is my last pull over. I don’t want any more paper work tonight, so if you can give me an excuse for your excessive speed that I haven’t heard, I’ll let you go.”

The man said, “Well, last week my wife ran off with a police officer and I was afraid you were trying to give her back.”

What do you think? Good enough excuse? I would have let him go!

*************************************************************

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, “Sir, I asked to see your ticket, not your stub.”

One smart cookie!

Seeking Happiness

Are you seeking happiness as I am? If you are then you know that it is elusive and it takes a certain mindset to stay happy. It is a conscious choice and it demands a focus on positive things instead of your external circumstances. Experts say, it is about “choosing to focus on what is good and finding joy in everyday moments.”

How many of us do exactly that only to find that when something unforeseen shows up and rattles the boat and off we go right back to, “the glass is half-empty stuff.” It goes downhill from there, at least it does with me.

“Happiness is homemade, create it everyday.” Unknown

You have to create this elusive commodity. It’s not going to walk in and make itself known. Well, it could but it takes work on your part to get you in the happy mode and to stay that way.

Wearing a smile on your face helps. It’s like tricking your mindset into thinking that the “happy hormones” are at play so it must be alright to get and feel happy. What are the happy hormones? They are dopamine, serotonin, endorphins and oxytocin. These hormones “play a key role in regulating mood, pleasure, and overall well-being.”

How do you boost the happy foursome?

Physical activity helps. A healthy diet definitely helps to get you on the way and to activate the happy hormones. Mindfulness and relaxation helps. Things like meditation, deep breathing and nature walks help as well. I do all of those things so why is “happiness” eluding my so called existence and only shows up now and then?

“Happiness is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the more it will elude you. But if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder.” Unknown

You’ve got to be kidding me! Stop chasing and it will show up? I think it takes more than that for happiness to come knocking on your door. According to the University of New Hampshire Psychological and Counseling Services, here are some strategies to help you find happiness.

Focus upon problem-solving, not just venting.

Take time to build quality relationships with supportive people.

Count your blessings and practice gratitude.

Take time to engage in random acts of kindness.

Practice compassion and empathy.

Be kind to yourself, rather than overly-critical or perfectionistic.

Set meaningful goals.

Appreciate what you already have.

Avoid the temptation to complain and reinforce negativity.

If all else fails, remember that your happiness depends on you.

“The best gift you could give yourself is the permission to be happy.” Unknown

Start your day right. Wear a smile, do a happy dance, and TRY to keep the negatives at bay. A day at a time and who knows you might just become the happiest person on the planet!

Have an amazing day.